The Weekenders (2000) s01e02 Episode Script
Grow Up
1
Hey, Tino here.
Okay, so I am super
excited because it's Friday
and my mom's having
her vernal equinox party.
I know, vernal equinox sounds like some
kind of protein drink.
But it's one of two days every year when
day and night are the same length.
Question: who cares?
Answer: moi!
I do!
Me!
'Cause every year I get a party and like a
total top shelf present.
It's like Christmas, only warmer and
there's no TV specials.
Hey, welcome to our Equinox party.
Hi, Mrs. Tonitini.
What's to eat?
Mmm, salmon skin sandwiches.
No, really.
What's to eat?
Sooo.. where's my present?
You're gonna love this.
Voila!
It's a Jumpin' Jamboree!
An honest-to-gosh Jumpin' Jamboree!
Yeeeeeeeeee-haw.. !!
Anyone want to try it?
Anyone want to try it?
Right in the feel bads.
Jumpin' Jamboree.
What a loser.
What?
What do I do?
Tino, that thing is little kid stuff.
It's like for five year olds.
Hey, man, are you okay?
If you don't mind, I'd like to be alone.
Uhh okay.
Oh, Tino.
Sorry.
Okay, I blew it.
When those kids get back
to school Monday, my little
kid reputation will spread
like fungus in a locker room.
I'm gonna be the top goon of
middle school instead of that
girl who stuffs her hair in her
ears and eats notebook paper.
There's gotta be some way I can see more
grown-up.
But how?
Hmm.
Good morning! Uh sir.
Morning, doll.
Does this have to do with the Jumpin'
Jamboree yesterday?
No.
That was an excellent
amusement for the young
folks, but hardly suitable
for an adult like myself.
I'm much too old for fun.
Of course, I should've known.
Don't sweat it, ma'am.
Well, nose to the grindstone.
Oh, oh, my lumbago.
This meeting will now come to order.
I suppose you're wondering why you're here
today.
Well, we come here every Saturday.
What's with the outfit?
I'm dressed for success.
You're dressed for Halloween.
Yeah, man.
What is up with you?
I've decided to forgo the remainder of my
youth and dive directly into adulthood.
I see.
To counteract the Jumpin' Jamboree incident.
Of course.
Otherwise, the kids will tear him apart on Monday.
Right.
We're with you, T.
What's the plan?
We will start an internet company
specializing in web page design.
Oh, dibs on president?
I'll be the president.
I call dibs, Tino.
And, I would appreciate it if you'd
call me Mr. Tonitini from now on.
Ladies and gentlemen, today we launch Tonitini Industries.
It's not very catchy.
You sure you don't want to call it
something else?
[SOMETHING ELSE INDUSTRIES]
My business is going like gangbusters.
ding
Quitin' time!
But you haven't even started yet.
It's Saturday.
Yeah, I say we hit Funville for a quick
game of pool.
I can't shoot pool.
My goldurn bursitis is acting up.
Your what !?
Go on.
Play your childish games.
Okay, well.
Later days.
Later days.
Hah!! "Later days"
These kids today and their crazy slang.
Tino, are you in there?
Honey, I'm worried about you.
You're taking this adult thing way too seriously.
I mean, you can't be enjoying it.
Well, I'm not supposed to enjoy it.
Why?
Working for a living?
Aches and pains?
Responsibilities to the stockholders?
Stockholders.
Oh, how I long for the carefree days of
childhood.
Tino, there's more to being an adult than
wearing a tie and complaining about stuff.
You can't force yourself to mature.
Can so.
Can not.
Can so.
Can not.
Can so!
Cannot times infinity!
Blast!
Hey, you don't think Tino'll be mad that
we didn't stay and work yesterday, do you?
Not when we're coming in to work on a Sunday.
There's no way Tino will be mad.
Do you have any idea what time it is?
He's mad.
I'm afraid you haven't been pulling your
weight here at Something Else Industries.
I have, therefore, been forced to replace you.
Man, I'm capable of you.
That's nice.
Silence.
Please accept these gold
watches as tokens of my
appreciation for your
long minutes of service.
Now kindly vacate the premises ASAP.
"ASAP".. ?
They put my cat to sleep.
Alright, fine.
We'll go.
See you at school on Monday, T.
School?
I'm too old for school.
I got a business to run here, kid.
Fine.
Whatever.
Hey, this watch is chocolate.
Okay, fellas.
Back to the salt mines.
Hey, does this guy seem a little young?
These internet guys are all real young.
My last boss didn't even have all his teeth in yet.
I don't believe Tino, like, totally dumped us.
What a jerk.
He isn't just being a jerk, Lor.
He's being a delusional jerk.
We have to help him.
Tish is right.
Tino needs our help.
But - !
He says he's not going to school.
But - !
You want him to get sent to juvie?
No.
Hey, guys.
What's up?
We want a deprogrammed Tino, and we need your help.
If you steal him away
from his business, we'll
show him how fun it
is to be a kid again.
Let me get this straight.
You want me to kidnap my own son?
Well, yeah, that's pretty much it.
If you don't mind!
I'm okay with that.
Hey, there's a big sale on Senior Spice Aftershave.
Alright, count me in.
So, where is this sale?
The Funville Arcade.
This is for your own good, Tino.
Yeah, that's what they told Joan of Arc.
Tino, you've got to try the new
Motorcycle Space Avenger.
It's tight.
Hey kid, the only thing tight
right now is Uncle Tino's back.
Ugh, I need some ventilated ointment.
Dude, this is great.
Come on.
Uh-uh, sorry.
Doc says I shouldn't exert myself.
Bum ticker, you know.
Five hundred points?
Oh, can you top that?
No, no, no.
Invoice is on the top shelf.
Balance sheets on the bottom.
Sure, I'll be back in two shakes.
Anyhoo, so I said Eisenhower, Ike.
I said Ike.
This military-industrial complex is going
to be a pain in America's keister,
believe you, me.
And he just laughed and laughed.
Man, he is gone.
It's hopeless.
Hoo!
Takin' care of you young'uns plum is like the [unintelligible]
You know, now that there's no one around to see us..
What do you say we give this
Jumpin' Jamboree thing a try?
Anything to get my mind off Uncle Tino
over there.
scoffs Kid stuff
I'd never try something like that.
No interest whatsoever!
Utterly, beneath me, must resist
Jumpin' Jamboree!
AHH~!!!
Jumpin' Jamboree~!!
Well, Tino, the kids can't make fun of you now.
Hey, I'm sorry I fired you guys and everything.
I guess I kind of got carried away.
Thanks for, uh, bringing me back.
Anything for Uncle Tino.
Okay, just because I'm not a little kid
anymore doesn't mean I'm an adult.
Oh, did I lose ya?
Let me sum up.
Pretending to be one sure didn't get me anywhere.
I mean, I sort of Ctrl+Alt+Deleted my e-business there!
Oh, what I'm trying
to say is I guess I don't
really know what it
means to be an adult.
You obviously don't have to give up all
the little kid stuff.
'Cause, well, check out my mom.
See what I mean?
Okay, later days.
Hey, Tino here.
Okay, so I am super
excited because it's Friday
and my mom's having
her vernal equinox party.
I know, vernal equinox sounds like some
kind of protein drink.
But it's one of two days every year when
day and night are the same length.
Question: who cares?
Answer: moi!
I do!
Me!
'Cause every year I get a party and like a
total top shelf present.
It's like Christmas, only warmer and
there's no TV specials.
Hey, welcome to our Equinox party.
Hi, Mrs. Tonitini.
What's to eat?
Mmm, salmon skin sandwiches.
No, really.
What's to eat?
Sooo.. where's my present?
You're gonna love this.
Voila!
It's a Jumpin' Jamboree!
An honest-to-gosh Jumpin' Jamboree!
Yeeeeeeeeee-haw.. !!
Anyone want to try it?
Anyone want to try it?
Right in the feel bads.
Jumpin' Jamboree.
What a loser.
What?
What do I do?
Tino, that thing is little kid stuff.
It's like for five year olds.
Hey, man, are you okay?
If you don't mind, I'd like to be alone.
Uhh okay.
Oh, Tino.
Sorry.
Okay, I blew it.
When those kids get back
to school Monday, my little
kid reputation will spread
like fungus in a locker room.
I'm gonna be the top goon of
middle school instead of that
girl who stuffs her hair in her
ears and eats notebook paper.
There's gotta be some way I can see more
grown-up.
But how?
Hmm.
Good morning! Uh sir.
Morning, doll.
Does this have to do with the Jumpin'
Jamboree yesterday?
No.
That was an excellent
amusement for the young
folks, but hardly suitable
for an adult like myself.
I'm much too old for fun.
Of course, I should've known.
Don't sweat it, ma'am.
Well, nose to the grindstone.
Oh, oh, my lumbago.
This meeting will now come to order.
I suppose you're wondering why you're here
today.
Well, we come here every Saturday.
What's with the outfit?
I'm dressed for success.
You're dressed for Halloween.
Yeah, man.
What is up with you?
I've decided to forgo the remainder of my
youth and dive directly into adulthood.
I see.
To counteract the Jumpin' Jamboree incident.
Of course.
Otherwise, the kids will tear him apart on Monday.
Right.
We're with you, T.
What's the plan?
We will start an internet company
specializing in web page design.
Oh, dibs on president?
I'll be the president.
I call dibs, Tino.
And, I would appreciate it if you'd
call me Mr. Tonitini from now on.
Ladies and gentlemen, today we launch Tonitini Industries.
It's not very catchy.
You sure you don't want to call it
something else?
[SOMETHING ELSE INDUSTRIES]
My business is going like gangbusters.
ding
Quitin' time!
But you haven't even started yet.
It's Saturday.
Yeah, I say we hit Funville for a quick
game of pool.
I can't shoot pool.
My goldurn bursitis is acting up.
Your what !?
Go on.
Play your childish games.
Okay, well.
Later days.
Later days.
Hah!! "Later days"
These kids today and their crazy slang.
Tino, are you in there?
Honey, I'm worried about you.
You're taking this adult thing way too seriously.
I mean, you can't be enjoying it.
Well, I'm not supposed to enjoy it.
Why?
Working for a living?
Aches and pains?
Responsibilities to the stockholders?
Stockholders.
Oh, how I long for the carefree days of
childhood.
Tino, there's more to being an adult than
wearing a tie and complaining about stuff.
You can't force yourself to mature.
Can so.
Can not.
Can so.
Can not.
Can so!
Cannot times infinity!
Blast!
Hey, you don't think Tino'll be mad that
we didn't stay and work yesterday, do you?
Not when we're coming in to work on a Sunday.
There's no way Tino will be mad.
Do you have any idea what time it is?
He's mad.
I'm afraid you haven't been pulling your
weight here at Something Else Industries.
I have, therefore, been forced to replace you.
Man, I'm capable of you.
That's nice.
Silence.
Please accept these gold
watches as tokens of my
appreciation for your
long minutes of service.
Now kindly vacate the premises ASAP.
"ASAP".. ?
They put my cat to sleep.
Alright, fine.
We'll go.
See you at school on Monday, T.
School?
I'm too old for school.
I got a business to run here, kid.
Fine.
Whatever.
Hey, this watch is chocolate.
Okay, fellas.
Back to the salt mines.
Hey, does this guy seem a little young?
These internet guys are all real young.
My last boss didn't even have all his teeth in yet.
I don't believe Tino, like, totally dumped us.
What a jerk.
He isn't just being a jerk, Lor.
He's being a delusional jerk.
We have to help him.
Tish is right.
Tino needs our help.
But - !
He says he's not going to school.
But - !
You want him to get sent to juvie?
No.
Hey, guys.
What's up?
We want a deprogrammed Tino, and we need your help.
If you steal him away
from his business, we'll
show him how fun it
is to be a kid again.
Let me get this straight.
You want me to kidnap my own son?
Well, yeah, that's pretty much it.
If you don't mind!
I'm okay with that.
Hey, there's a big sale on Senior Spice Aftershave.
Alright, count me in.
So, where is this sale?
The Funville Arcade.
This is for your own good, Tino.
Yeah, that's what they told Joan of Arc.
Tino, you've got to try the new
Motorcycle Space Avenger.
It's tight.
Hey kid, the only thing tight
right now is Uncle Tino's back.
Ugh, I need some ventilated ointment.
Dude, this is great.
Come on.
Uh-uh, sorry.
Doc says I shouldn't exert myself.
Bum ticker, you know.
Five hundred points?
Oh, can you top that?
No, no, no.
Invoice is on the top shelf.
Balance sheets on the bottom.
Sure, I'll be back in two shakes.
Anyhoo, so I said Eisenhower, Ike.
I said Ike.
This military-industrial complex is going
to be a pain in America's keister,
believe you, me.
And he just laughed and laughed.
Man, he is gone.
It's hopeless.
Hoo!
Takin' care of you young'uns plum is like the [unintelligible]
You know, now that there's no one around to see us..
What do you say we give this
Jumpin' Jamboree thing a try?
Anything to get my mind off Uncle Tino
over there.
scoffs Kid stuff
I'd never try something like that.
No interest whatsoever!
Utterly, beneath me, must resist
Jumpin' Jamboree!
AHH~!!!
Jumpin' Jamboree~!!
Well, Tino, the kids can't make fun of you now.
Hey, I'm sorry I fired you guys and everything.
I guess I kind of got carried away.
Thanks for, uh, bringing me back.
Anything for Uncle Tino.
Okay, just because I'm not a little kid
anymore doesn't mean I'm an adult.
Oh, did I lose ya?
Let me sum up.
Pretending to be one sure didn't get me anywhere.
I mean, I sort of Ctrl+Alt+Deleted my e-business there!
Oh, what I'm trying
to say is I guess I don't
really know what it
means to be an adult.
You obviously don't have to give up all
the little kid stuff.
'Cause, well, check out my mom.
See what I mean?
Okay, later days.