The Wild Wild West (1965) s01e02 Episode Script
The Night of the Deadly Bed
Señor West? - Did they not tell you? - Tell me what? Captain Jackson.
He's in the patio.
He wish to speak with you.
Muchas gracias.
- Where's Jackson? - In the warehouse.
Captain Jackson.
Captain Jackson? Come on in, Jim.
Flory.
Equipe Oldies proudly presents: THE WILD WEST - S01E02 "THE NIGHT OF THE DEADLY BED" Coal.
Why did Jackson want coal? Not just plain coal, James coal as a disguise for dynamite.
Plaster of Paris coating designed to resist heat up to 375 degrees Fahrenheit before it burns through to the fuse.
I must say, Artemus, you did a beautiful job of disguise.
Thank you very much, James.
Just don't go lighting any matches around that, unless you want the Secret Service to lose two of its best men.
The whole thing takes one minute and 30 seconds to burn.
Didn't take Jackson much longer to lose his life in that explosion.
Yeah.
You said Jackson got word it was urgent to get this stuff.
Couldn't be he wanted it just to keep warm in a campfire.
He was on to something he felt could spell big trouble for this country.
Did he say what kind of trouble? No, never got around to it.
Now, how could works of art and lobster on ice be a threat to the United States? Smuggling, you think? Nah, too simple.
Jackson was a man in a hurry.
The last thing he said, "Flory" what is it? A thing? A name? A person? Here's that other little thing you asked me to make for you.
Wear it in good health.
Thanks.
¿Sí, señor? The girl that was here the other night where is she? Girl? She was behind the bar an Oriental.
You must be mistaken, mister.
I'm the only one in back of the bar.
And besides, my wife, she says I do not look like a girl.
Very funny, but there was a girl, - and she was behind that bar.
- No, no, no girl.
I look at you, señor, and you look right through me and you do not applaud.
Don't you like my dancing? It isn't that, señorita.
But what? I'm I'm looking for a girl.
Any other time.
What happened to your friend, friend? What friend, señor? The fellow that plays the guitar strings around your neck.
Flamenco? More like garrote.
Garrote? No, señor, no garrote.
You are a very busy person.
First you are looking for a girl, and now you are looking for a man.
Perhaps you are not sure just what you are looking for.
Maybe you'd like to try to convince me.
If I am the girl and you are the man.
What's your name? Gatita.
"Little pussycat".
I promise I won't scratch.
When I find the other pussycat, maybe you and I can go out and chase a ball of yarn.
Americans always hunting.
You are like that Captain Jackson.
He, too, always hunting.
Sometimes too much hunting hunts trouble.
What did you say? - Trouble? - No, Jackson.
You said you knew a man named Jackson.
Very friendly.
Now he's very dead.
Let us not talk about death, señor.
It is too depressing.
I do not like to talk about the dead.
If they hear you speak of them, they come back in the night and steal your eyes.
You have beautiful eyes.
I wouldn't want you to lose them.
You should be careful, for you, too, have pretty eyes.
It would be a shame if someone stole them.
Now, if you will excuse me, I must change for my next dance.
About Jackson He said he was searching for treasures of art.
Treasures of art are found in the most peculiar places.
Yes.
If you come with me, I will show you.
Early Aztec.
My ancestors were known for their silver craft.
I'd say they had other virtues, too.
Lime and salt.
It's a custom in my country to have the hostess drink first.
But in my country, we drink together, especially tequila.
¿Bueno? Muy bueno.
Tell me, little pussycat, what's a "Flory"? You are hunting again, señor.
Well, you did invite me up here to see your, treasures.
And you will.
You really do have pretty eyes.
Any other time, señor any other time.
I will tell Señor Flory you were asking for him.
Same size, same shape.
This is ours, this is theirs.
They were carrying the coal in baskets, just like this.
You saw them carrying this coal into the mission? Now, the temperature today is 80 degrees Fahrenheit.
And you don't figure they were using it to warm the pews.
Jackson wasn't a religious man, but I doubt if he'd blow up anybody's congregation.
Well, then what was he so anxious to blow up? That's what I'm going to find out.
While I just sit around here and make bombs? No, you take the coal our coal - and get it in the place.
- Well, of course.
Don't I make the sun rise in the west every morning? James, just one thing: We'll be in a foreign country.
If you get into any trouble, you can't look to Washington for help.
And just one thing for you, Artemus: Don't get tired of this job and lay down.
The beds in this town they're pure murder.
No, go away! Please, Monsieur Flory! Monsieur Flory Emmenez-la! No! Help me.
Help you? After the way you tried to tuck me into bed? I could not help myself.
I had no choice.
You must believe me.
You nearly had me garroted, blown up, then carved up in the bed.
You show me a man who wouldn't believe you and I'll show you a coward.
It is not for myself, it is for the others and please, listen to me.
Listen to you once again, I could end up pretty dead.
After you, little pussycat.
And the Chateaubriand, perfectly underdone.
Wine the blood of life.
You must remember that, my dear Roxanne.
And the shrimp absolutely delicious, Roxanne.
Fresh from the Gulf, there is no finer delicacy pink and tender just properly chilled.
Take it away.
Please, Monsieur Flory, I'm so hungry.
Abstinence is good for the soul, my dear Roxanne.
I do hate the sight of blood, Monsieur West.
Guard.
No, no Next time such compassion possesses your heart, you will take her place in the hunt, Gatita.
Get her out of here.
Leave her alone.
Come on.
But now, mon ami, welcome to France.
- France? - Elba, France, to be exact.
Elba, France? Well, everyone does have his Elba.
Napoleon had his I, mine.
You, yours perhaps? You must consider yourself my guest.
What did she do wrong, your, lady fox? She displeased me.
I must say, you have a way about you.
You certainly made a runner out of her.
So this is what a "Flory" is.
Paintings that complex of yours blast furnaces, forges, sheets of steel, all that coal.
Do you have something special in mind? Bon appétit, mon ami.
Although, unfortunately, I cannot offer you lobster on ice or caviar.
Your Captain, Jackson he saw to that.
A tragedy.
You touch me.
All that lobster and caviar and such a treasure in art to have to be blown up along with your Captain Jackson.
But I do raise my own pheasant under glass.
Pheasant, pâté, Chateaubriand.
As for François René, the Comte de Chateaubriand, I regard him more as a poet than a slice of beef.
I do admire culture and breeding, Monsieur West.
I regret there will not be time for an exchange of such cultures between our two worlds.
Please? I take it you want me to savor the fullness of life.
No, I may be many things but never an ungracious host.
From the finest vineyard in France.
A great vintage.
There will not be another year comparable for the next ten.
Then why don't you invite me back again? I'm sorry, but this must be your finest hour.
You certainly are a gracious host.
But for you, I have a special dessert.
Monsieur Flory, I feel I must warn you: If you ever cross the border into the United States, I'm going to have to take you into custody.
You won't have to worry about that after tomorrow, Monsieur West.
After tomorrow, you will be dead.
You waste your beautiful eyes, señor.
I can dream.
Then I will dream with you.
What's in this for you? My people.
They are the ones you saw in the caves underground.
We are all from the same village.
What's Flory up to? What's he doing? I don't know.
I only know that my people are like prisoners.
But he said they will soon be freed.
So now you're his personal hostage.
To keep them alive, you perform his delicate art of murder.
It hurt me to think that that you were meant to be my first victim.
- I don't have much choice, do I? - Don't I did promise you a delicious dessert, did I not, Monsieur West? Your generosity kills me.
You have put me to a great deal of trouble, but I shall accomplish what I have set out to do.
In the end, I shall be the victor.
That's what Napoleon thought about his Elba.
He lacked vision.
Dreams do not make reality.
And you're different? I will reclaim the empire.
Mexico will be mine.
Talk like that would have Napoleon I turning over in his grave.
I said Mexico will be mine not for France, Monsieur West.
I will be Napoleon IV.
To be more precise, I intend to reestablish Napoleonic rule in the Western Hemisphere.
The United States has already stopped Napoleon once.
What chance do you think you'd have? When Napoleon moved into Mexico, he expected the civil war to give him enough time to secure his puppet government.
That estimate was inaccurate.
Before we knew it, American troops were threatening our existence.
The threat of these troops forced us to depart.
And now you think you can change all that.
Your government was able to move its army and all the supplies it needed with such speed for one reason its great railroad system.
That is my obstacle.
That railroad system still exists.
But not for long.
My design.
My engine of destruction, monsieur.
I have laid secret tracks leading from here into the main trunk line in the United States.
My monster will seek out its prey, destroy and return under the cover of darkness.
It is almost finished.
A toy's never yet won a war.
But I do not have a toy.
As you shall see.
This is the battering ram on the front of my monster.
No train could possibly withstand the impact.
The demands of power and speed have led to a far greater increase in steam pressure The boiler tubes must be extra strong.
I imagined that.
These driving wheels they give my machine a far greater tractive force.
What happens if the track gets wet after a night's rain? Vents of hot air will be placed in front of the wheels to dry the rails.
My machine will be limited only by the ability of the firemen to shovel coal into the firebox.
My monster will soon be sent out to play.
But we have had our little game, mon ami.
We should now get back to the matter of life or death.
That depends on whose point of view.
Shall we say mine? At precisely 12:00, water triggers the gong.
That gong was hand-crafted by some of the finest metalsmiths of France.
I seem to find my mind fixed upon a great sermon by Jean John Donne.
There are some lines that might be of particular interest to you "Never send to find out for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee".
Take him over.
That he might inspect it more closely.
Any last words, Monsieur West? Nothing you'd agree with, Monsieur Flory.
Shall we just say au revoir, then, mon ami? Malagueña Hey, toro! Malagueña - See to that peasant! - Besar tus labios quisiera.
Compadre de mi vida! ¿Quieres un poquito a beber? Take them alive! - What's that? - Some sleeping gas I dreamed up.
They will finish his monster and no one will be free, and he will kill everyone to keep his secret.
Not if we kill the monster first.
No, no, no.
Nothing ever works right, does it? I mean for people like us.
Just keep purring, pussycat.
How can I keep purring when my people are in danger? I, hate to break into anything chummy, James, but it looks like things are going to be getting warm here in a minute or two.
It is a pity you have made things so difficult, mon ami.
I had hoped to treat you in a civilized manner.
But you and your friend shall be the first passengers aboard my train.
You will ride in a special place.
Directly at the point of the battering ram.
You will be able to see everything with an unobstructed view.
And so the long ride will not prove too lonely, there will be the company of a third passenger.
I'll be back to wish you bon voyage, mon ami.
They shovel like the rest.
Do something to get their attention.
I could recite.
If it'll work, do it.
Friends, friends! May I have your kind attention for one moment, please? You slave here in the devil's land, you all work, and for what? Do you think this toy that you're building is going to bring you wealth or freedom? And what if it doesn't even run? Tell me that.
that gives you pause to wonder, doesn't it? you really have to be careful of, and that is that they'll make you ride in the baggage cars! They will be asking for you to ride in baggage cars all the way through, and they won't even let you ride on the train! I ask you this You see, even now they will not allow the truth to be heard! Ayúdenlos! Ayúdenlos! Ayúdenlos! Tell your people to get out of here! This whole place is going up in a minute and a half! Take the guards with you! Todos para afuera! En menos de dos minutos explotará! Llevan a los guardias consigo.
Artemus, get her out of here! Get back, I say! I'm in command here! Para la lucha, para la lucha Jim! Come on! Non, Angélique.
Non, Diable.
Au revoir, mes amis.
You have destroyed my dream! Can I do less than destroy you?! One minute and 30 seconds, was it not, mon ami? Now we shall wait together.
Jimmy? There just isn't any room for Napoleons anymore.
- ¿Bueno? - Muy bueno.
- More? - More.
This from the front, James, right off the press.
Guess this is the wrong time.
He could be right, little pussycat.
Equipe Oldies
He's in the patio.
He wish to speak with you.
Muchas gracias.
- Where's Jackson? - In the warehouse.
Captain Jackson.
Captain Jackson? Come on in, Jim.
Flory.
Equipe Oldies proudly presents: THE WILD WEST - S01E02 "THE NIGHT OF THE DEADLY BED" Coal.
Why did Jackson want coal? Not just plain coal, James coal as a disguise for dynamite.
Plaster of Paris coating designed to resist heat up to 375 degrees Fahrenheit before it burns through to the fuse.
I must say, Artemus, you did a beautiful job of disguise.
Thank you very much, James.
Just don't go lighting any matches around that, unless you want the Secret Service to lose two of its best men.
The whole thing takes one minute and 30 seconds to burn.
Didn't take Jackson much longer to lose his life in that explosion.
Yeah.
You said Jackson got word it was urgent to get this stuff.
Couldn't be he wanted it just to keep warm in a campfire.
He was on to something he felt could spell big trouble for this country.
Did he say what kind of trouble? No, never got around to it.
Now, how could works of art and lobster on ice be a threat to the United States? Smuggling, you think? Nah, too simple.
Jackson was a man in a hurry.
The last thing he said, "Flory" what is it? A thing? A name? A person? Here's that other little thing you asked me to make for you.
Wear it in good health.
Thanks.
¿Sí, señor? The girl that was here the other night where is she? Girl? She was behind the bar an Oriental.
You must be mistaken, mister.
I'm the only one in back of the bar.
And besides, my wife, she says I do not look like a girl.
Very funny, but there was a girl, - and she was behind that bar.
- No, no, no girl.
I look at you, señor, and you look right through me and you do not applaud.
Don't you like my dancing? It isn't that, señorita.
But what? I'm I'm looking for a girl.
Any other time.
What happened to your friend, friend? What friend, señor? The fellow that plays the guitar strings around your neck.
Flamenco? More like garrote.
Garrote? No, señor, no garrote.
You are a very busy person.
First you are looking for a girl, and now you are looking for a man.
Perhaps you are not sure just what you are looking for.
Maybe you'd like to try to convince me.
If I am the girl and you are the man.
What's your name? Gatita.
"Little pussycat".
I promise I won't scratch.
When I find the other pussycat, maybe you and I can go out and chase a ball of yarn.
Americans always hunting.
You are like that Captain Jackson.
He, too, always hunting.
Sometimes too much hunting hunts trouble.
What did you say? - Trouble? - No, Jackson.
You said you knew a man named Jackson.
Very friendly.
Now he's very dead.
Let us not talk about death, señor.
It is too depressing.
I do not like to talk about the dead.
If they hear you speak of them, they come back in the night and steal your eyes.
You have beautiful eyes.
I wouldn't want you to lose them.
You should be careful, for you, too, have pretty eyes.
It would be a shame if someone stole them.
Now, if you will excuse me, I must change for my next dance.
About Jackson He said he was searching for treasures of art.
Treasures of art are found in the most peculiar places.
Yes.
If you come with me, I will show you.
Early Aztec.
My ancestors were known for their silver craft.
I'd say they had other virtues, too.
Lime and salt.
It's a custom in my country to have the hostess drink first.
But in my country, we drink together, especially tequila.
¿Bueno? Muy bueno.
Tell me, little pussycat, what's a "Flory"? You are hunting again, señor.
Well, you did invite me up here to see your, treasures.
And you will.
You really do have pretty eyes.
Any other time, señor any other time.
I will tell Señor Flory you were asking for him.
Same size, same shape.
This is ours, this is theirs.
They were carrying the coal in baskets, just like this.
You saw them carrying this coal into the mission? Now, the temperature today is 80 degrees Fahrenheit.
And you don't figure they were using it to warm the pews.
Jackson wasn't a religious man, but I doubt if he'd blow up anybody's congregation.
Well, then what was he so anxious to blow up? That's what I'm going to find out.
While I just sit around here and make bombs? No, you take the coal our coal - and get it in the place.
- Well, of course.
Don't I make the sun rise in the west every morning? James, just one thing: We'll be in a foreign country.
If you get into any trouble, you can't look to Washington for help.
And just one thing for you, Artemus: Don't get tired of this job and lay down.
The beds in this town they're pure murder.
No, go away! Please, Monsieur Flory! Monsieur Flory Emmenez-la! No! Help me.
Help you? After the way you tried to tuck me into bed? I could not help myself.
I had no choice.
You must believe me.
You nearly had me garroted, blown up, then carved up in the bed.
You show me a man who wouldn't believe you and I'll show you a coward.
It is not for myself, it is for the others and please, listen to me.
Listen to you once again, I could end up pretty dead.
After you, little pussycat.
And the Chateaubriand, perfectly underdone.
Wine the blood of life.
You must remember that, my dear Roxanne.
And the shrimp absolutely delicious, Roxanne.
Fresh from the Gulf, there is no finer delicacy pink and tender just properly chilled.
Take it away.
Please, Monsieur Flory, I'm so hungry.
Abstinence is good for the soul, my dear Roxanne.
I do hate the sight of blood, Monsieur West.
Guard.
No, no Next time such compassion possesses your heart, you will take her place in the hunt, Gatita.
Get her out of here.
Leave her alone.
Come on.
But now, mon ami, welcome to France.
- France? - Elba, France, to be exact.
Elba, France? Well, everyone does have his Elba.
Napoleon had his I, mine.
You, yours perhaps? You must consider yourself my guest.
What did she do wrong, your, lady fox? She displeased me.
I must say, you have a way about you.
You certainly made a runner out of her.
So this is what a "Flory" is.
Paintings that complex of yours blast furnaces, forges, sheets of steel, all that coal.
Do you have something special in mind? Bon appétit, mon ami.
Although, unfortunately, I cannot offer you lobster on ice or caviar.
Your Captain, Jackson he saw to that.
A tragedy.
You touch me.
All that lobster and caviar and such a treasure in art to have to be blown up along with your Captain Jackson.
But I do raise my own pheasant under glass.
Pheasant, pâté, Chateaubriand.
As for François René, the Comte de Chateaubriand, I regard him more as a poet than a slice of beef.
I do admire culture and breeding, Monsieur West.
I regret there will not be time for an exchange of such cultures between our two worlds.
Please? I take it you want me to savor the fullness of life.
No, I may be many things but never an ungracious host.
From the finest vineyard in France.
A great vintage.
There will not be another year comparable for the next ten.
Then why don't you invite me back again? I'm sorry, but this must be your finest hour.
You certainly are a gracious host.
But for you, I have a special dessert.
Monsieur Flory, I feel I must warn you: If you ever cross the border into the United States, I'm going to have to take you into custody.
You won't have to worry about that after tomorrow, Monsieur West.
After tomorrow, you will be dead.
You waste your beautiful eyes, señor.
I can dream.
Then I will dream with you.
What's in this for you? My people.
They are the ones you saw in the caves underground.
We are all from the same village.
What's Flory up to? What's he doing? I don't know.
I only know that my people are like prisoners.
But he said they will soon be freed.
So now you're his personal hostage.
To keep them alive, you perform his delicate art of murder.
It hurt me to think that that you were meant to be my first victim.
- I don't have much choice, do I? - Don't I did promise you a delicious dessert, did I not, Monsieur West? Your generosity kills me.
You have put me to a great deal of trouble, but I shall accomplish what I have set out to do.
In the end, I shall be the victor.
That's what Napoleon thought about his Elba.
He lacked vision.
Dreams do not make reality.
And you're different? I will reclaim the empire.
Mexico will be mine.
Talk like that would have Napoleon I turning over in his grave.
I said Mexico will be mine not for France, Monsieur West.
I will be Napoleon IV.
To be more precise, I intend to reestablish Napoleonic rule in the Western Hemisphere.
The United States has already stopped Napoleon once.
What chance do you think you'd have? When Napoleon moved into Mexico, he expected the civil war to give him enough time to secure his puppet government.
That estimate was inaccurate.
Before we knew it, American troops were threatening our existence.
The threat of these troops forced us to depart.
And now you think you can change all that.
Your government was able to move its army and all the supplies it needed with such speed for one reason its great railroad system.
That is my obstacle.
That railroad system still exists.
But not for long.
My design.
My engine of destruction, monsieur.
I have laid secret tracks leading from here into the main trunk line in the United States.
My monster will seek out its prey, destroy and return under the cover of darkness.
It is almost finished.
A toy's never yet won a war.
But I do not have a toy.
As you shall see.
This is the battering ram on the front of my monster.
No train could possibly withstand the impact.
The demands of power and speed have led to a far greater increase in steam pressure The boiler tubes must be extra strong.
I imagined that.
These driving wheels they give my machine a far greater tractive force.
What happens if the track gets wet after a night's rain? Vents of hot air will be placed in front of the wheels to dry the rails.
My machine will be limited only by the ability of the firemen to shovel coal into the firebox.
My monster will soon be sent out to play.
But we have had our little game, mon ami.
We should now get back to the matter of life or death.
That depends on whose point of view.
Shall we say mine? At precisely 12:00, water triggers the gong.
That gong was hand-crafted by some of the finest metalsmiths of France.
I seem to find my mind fixed upon a great sermon by Jean John Donne.
There are some lines that might be of particular interest to you "Never send to find out for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee".
Take him over.
That he might inspect it more closely.
Any last words, Monsieur West? Nothing you'd agree with, Monsieur Flory.
Shall we just say au revoir, then, mon ami? Malagueña Hey, toro! Malagueña - See to that peasant! - Besar tus labios quisiera.
Compadre de mi vida! ¿Quieres un poquito a beber? Take them alive! - What's that? - Some sleeping gas I dreamed up.
They will finish his monster and no one will be free, and he will kill everyone to keep his secret.
Not if we kill the monster first.
No, no, no.
Nothing ever works right, does it? I mean for people like us.
Just keep purring, pussycat.
How can I keep purring when my people are in danger? I, hate to break into anything chummy, James, but it looks like things are going to be getting warm here in a minute or two.
It is a pity you have made things so difficult, mon ami.
I had hoped to treat you in a civilized manner.
But you and your friend shall be the first passengers aboard my train.
You will ride in a special place.
Directly at the point of the battering ram.
You will be able to see everything with an unobstructed view.
And so the long ride will not prove too lonely, there will be the company of a third passenger.
I'll be back to wish you bon voyage, mon ami.
They shovel like the rest.
Do something to get their attention.
I could recite.
If it'll work, do it.
Friends, friends! May I have your kind attention for one moment, please? You slave here in the devil's land, you all work, and for what? Do you think this toy that you're building is going to bring you wealth or freedom? And what if it doesn't even run? Tell me that.
that gives you pause to wonder, doesn't it? you really have to be careful of, and that is that they'll make you ride in the baggage cars! They will be asking for you to ride in baggage cars all the way through, and they won't even let you ride on the train! I ask you this You see, even now they will not allow the truth to be heard! Ayúdenlos! Ayúdenlos! Ayúdenlos! Tell your people to get out of here! This whole place is going up in a minute and a half! Take the guards with you! Todos para afuera! En menos de dos minutos explotará! Llevan a los guardias consigo.
Artemus, get her out of here! Get back, I say! I'm in command here! Para la lucha, para la lucha Jim! Come on! Non, Angélique.
Non, Diable.
Au revoir, mes amis.
You have destroyed my dream! Can I do less than destroy you?! One minute and 30 seconds, was it not, mon ami? Now we shall wait together.
Jimmy? There just isn't any room for Napoleons anymore.
- ¿Bueno? - Muy bueno.
- More? - More.
This from the front, James, right off the press.
Guess this is the wrong time.
He could be right, little pussycat.
Equipe Oldies