Uncoupled (2022) s01e02 Episode Script

1
- All right, you ready to hear this?
- No, but go on.
So, I'm walkin' along the High Line
on my way to dinner
just to get a little hit of nature.
Plus, it's my secret shortcut
in that part of town.
I don't need a tour guide.
You're on the High Line, and then?
And I'm passing all these expensive
new condos, thinking, "You know what?"
"You really must be a exhibitionist
to live in one of these."
It's like a storefront window in Amsterdam
where prostitutes advertise.
Not that I'm judgin' prostitutes.
A girl gotta do what a girl gotta do.
- Suzanne!
- Right.
So just as I had that thought,
I see Colin in one of these apartments
carryin' a bunch of movin' boxes
with Tyler.
Colin left me for Tyler?
Oh God, I wish I didn't see it. I'm always
seein' shit I shouldn't be seein'.
I can't even get on a subway
without a penis in my face.
Do you have any idea
what a cliché move this is?
He is half Colin's age.
Yeah, it's the same thing
men have been doin' to women forever.
Who knew gay guys
were just as awful as straight guys?
Yeah, just with better haircuts.
Wait, how does Colin even know Tyler?
I have no id
- Oh my God.
- What?
They met at our company Christmas party
this past year.
I fucking introduced them.
And later that night, we were looking
at Tyler's Instagram account together
and laughing
at his ridiculously thirsty selfies.
You know what? It sounds like you two
have a lot to discuss
at your next therapy session.
Oh, no, no, we are done with therapy.
Colin texted me
that there is "nothing more to work on,"
and now I know why.
- Oh, baby, I am so sorry.
- Huh.
- Ugh.
- Ooh
What are you doing? Wait, what
- I have to let him know that I know.
- Oh, no, no, no. No. Give me that.
- Are you kidding?
- Give me this!
No angry texts, no drunk texts,
no communication at all.
It makes you look weak.
Plus, it doesn't work.
If it did, I'd be married
eight times by now.
Look.
I'm putting together
the presentation for Claire Lewis.
Are you still gonna be okay
to show Chrystie Street tomorrow?
If not, you know I got you, right?
Thanks, but I need
to be working right now.
Work is what's going to keep me sane.
All right, well, this may sound crazy
right about now, but
I really do believe in you and Colin.
He's a Scorpio, right?
Yeah, why?
Child, please, Scorpios can never make up
their mind. You watch. He'll be back.
No.
No! No
No!
F
- Michael.
- Oh, hey, Diane, I'm really
Colin's Architectural Digest
ended up in my box again.
You know why I keep getting his magazines?
- Why?
- Because you boys don't check your box.
And he's got an issue of The Economist
just sittin' there on the ledge.
It's a common area.
Is he really so busy
that he can't fetch his mail?
I got it.
If he wants last month's issue,
it's in my bathroom.
Kidding.
Michael!
We've been here 15 minutes.
Is everything okay? Are you crying?
Oh, I'm fine. Allergies.
I'm so sorry to be late.
It's a little rude, but we waited.
Thank you.
So two split bedrooms,
two full baths, and we are on the A line,
which is the best layout in the building.
It also has newly upgraded windows,
per a recent building assessment
that you are not responsible for.
Why are they moving?
They have one child
and another on the way,
so they are moving into something bigger
in New Jersey.
Oh, how sad.
I grew up in New Jersey,
so I feel your pain.
Where are you guys moving from?
We live separately in Brooklyn.
This would be our first place together.
Huh!
That is so major.
It really is the best feeling in the world
to both find something that you love
together and then call it your home.
- Home is where the heart is.
- Exactly.
And where it should stay.
Do you mind
if we wander around on our own?
Yeah, yeah. Take your time.
How's your hot husband?
Fine. Why?
I'm just asking. You got really lucky.
Stop!
It's not even officially
on the market yet.
It's an estate sale.
The family just wants to get rid of it.
- That's why it's so cheap.
- Did somebody die in here?
- No, they'd have to disclose it.
- Good. You know I'm afraid of ghosts.
Well, if I see any,
I will invite them out to
our terrace!
- Wow!
- I know!
So I ran the numbers,
and if we both break open our piggy banks
and scrape together the down payment,
our monthly would be cheaper
than living apart.
You gonna make me throw dinner parties
and have game nights and friends?
Yes.
Good.
Okay.
- Hmm?
- Mm.
I bet your husband has some hot friends.
Fix me up.
I think they're going to make an offer.
You'll have to get 'em up to two.
We already turned down 1.9.
- When?
- Last month. They don't need the money.
Everyone needs the money.
Except maybe you don't.
With your hot, rich husband.
We have our own separate bank accounts.
It's not any of your fuckin' business.
Why so touchy?
I was just making conversation.
It's really nice.
Can we have a minute to sit here
and feel the vibe of the place?
Sure, yeah. Take all the time you need.
I'll wait for you in here.
Motherfucker!
We're leaving, but they love it.
I'll see if I can nudge them up to two.
I like them.
I'd really like to see them get this.
I don't trust you.
Is there something
wrong with the apartment? Noise?
Mice? A bad smell?
It's better you tell me now.
Nothing, I promise.
I'm just rooting for love.
This is who Colin left me for.
Oh!
He's cute. How old is he?
He's not cute. He's diabolical.
And that blond hair looks like a dye job.
I wonder how I'd look with blond hair.
It would really pop on screen.
So how did you find out?
Suzanne. She saw them together
moving into Colin's new apartment.
What kind of friend
tells you these things?
What, was she gonna not tell me?
She saw them.
Is that the hot guy you hate from work?
- I think I follow him.
- Unfollow him.
This is from our company's
Christmas party. I introduced them.
That's cold.
- Having an affair with someone from work.
- Not an affair.
He left me for Tyler,
then didn't have the balls to admit it.
But it's good Colin's with a young guy.
Let him have his middle-aged fling.
He will quickly realize
that having a twink boyfriend
is a shallow, empty life
that leads nowhere.
No offense.
Actually, it leads to a life
of mind-blowing sex.
- You remember sex, don't you?
- Vaguely.
And you're really not helping.
Our company has a table
at the Central Park
Conservancy dinner tomorrow.
Tyler is gonna be there.
I'm afraid I might
stick a steak knife in his neck.
That's a nice butch fantasy.
But what you should do
is just play it cool until it fizzles out.
Really?
You really don't think it's over?
No. I do not think it's over.
I agree. Couples break up
and get back together all the time.
- Look at the Jonathans.
- That's right.
They broke up
for a couple months a few years ago
when Jonathan had that thing with Jorge,
the Mexican travel agent
who he thought looked like Ricky Martin.
He almost moved to Puerto Vallarta.
I thought he just loved it there.
You can like it for two weeks.
Then it's like being trapped
at a gay quinceañera.
The point is it was a fling.
He got it out of his system,
and they're back together.
Thanks. That does give me some hope.
Okay, this is starting to sound
like a cautionary tale.
Please, do not have a baby with Colin.
I'll have nobody left
to go to dinner with.
Exactly. And we're too old
to find a new friend.
Hey, Jack. Hey, Millie.
I really am sorry about you and Colin.
What do you mean?
Didn't you split up?
- What makes you think that?
- The boxes, the suitcases.
The U-Haul parked out front.
Some hot little number was helping him.
It looked like the beginning
of one of my favorite poems,
Pack My Box.
I still have the VHS somewhere.
- If you want to check it out.
- Oh, thanks.
My VCR was stolen in 1992.
Anyway,
I don't care what people say.
I always thought
you were the good-looking one.
Thank you?
Did he say anything to you?
Yes.
"Goodbye." Hah!
Don't you just hate men?
Is Colin ever going to pick up
his Wall Street Journal,
or is he just gonna let them pile up?
I'll take care of it.
Happy Central Park Conservancy.
Well, whatever you are selling tonight,
I am buying.
- You're not exactly my customer.
- Ha-ha!
- Uh, thought you might need this.
- Why?
Good news, bad news.
- Bad news first.
- Tyler's sitting next to you.
Ugh. And did he bring his new boyfriend?
No. He doesn't have a plus-one.
None of us do.
But now for some better news.
Claire Lewis is here.
Did you talk to her?
I started to, but then she just
handed me her empty champagne glass
and said, "I'll take another, dear."
Where is she?
Inside, bidding on the silent auction.
I'm gonna go say hi
and tell her how excited we are
- about selling her apartment.
- Mm! Nice.
Thank you.
No, no. That's for Claire.
Claire! Michael Lawson.
I'm sorry. Do I know you?
Michael Lawson, Stanley's friend?
Uh, broker who came to see
your beautiful home.
Oh! Yes. I'm sorry, the broker.
There have been so many of those.
And you're wearing a tux.
You know, all men look the same in a tux.
Every time I see a fat ass
in a monkey suit, I think it's my husband.
- You bidding on something?
- Ah!
A week at the Amanyara
in Turks and Caicos.
- Ah.
- I thought I could bring my daughter.
Although she doesn't want me to call her
my daughter since she's nonbinary now.
Actually, the idea
of sharing a room with her,
I mean them, excuse me,
would be the opposite of a vacation.
But maybe I'll have a new love in my life
by the "one-year expiration date."
"Breakfast and airfare not included."
- I'm sure you will.
- Right.
And maybe I'll also have a unicorn
that shits money.
My partner and I are excited
to be showing you the presentation
we put together for your apartment.
Um, your timing of the market
is just top-notch.
Well, I've always been known
for my perfect timing.
Right as he left,
I asked my husband why he started
shaving his balls all of a sudden.
Did he want them
to match his hairless head?
Do you know what he said to me?
"I'm so glad you asked, Claire."
"Perfect timing. I did it for Layla."
- This is where you say, "Who's Layla?"
- Oh.
Who's Layla?
His 25-year-old Pilates instructor
with whom he's decided to spend
the second half of his life.
The second half!
Because clinically obese men
often live to 130.
- Where are you sitting?
- Oh, over there with some friends.
My shrink told me
it's important for me to start going out,
even when I don't feel like it,
which is what I am doing here.
Well, I'm glad that you are,
because you look amazing.
And you should not be denying the world
the pleasure of you.
You've already got the meeting.
- I'm gonna go find my table.
- All right. Have a great evening.
Don't outbid me now.
I promise not to.
Adopt a bench,
dedicate a paving stone,
donate flowers, endow a tree.
There are so many ways
to support this glorious park
that belongs to all New Yorkers.
Now, please, enjoy your meal.
- Looks like Tyler is a no-show.
- Yeah, no surprise.
He doesn't wanna face me.
But he can't keep running forever.
You'd be amazed the lengths
people will go to avoid confrontation.
- Textbook narcissistic behavior.
- Yeah!
Some will even secretly
move their things out of your apartment
before breaking up with you.
Ugh.
There he is.
I'm sure that he saw me
and now he's afraid to come to our table.
- No.
- What are you doing?
I gotta talk to him.
I mean, that is bullshit, right?
- Not here. You've been drinking all night.
- Let go of me.
Don't get into a fight
at a charity event.
- It's tacky.
- Stop handling my
You can't possibly know
how to fight! Gah
Don't you know you've gotta stand up ♪
Tyler! Tyler.
Hello, Michael.
I'd really like to know
exactly when this started.
When what started?
Please. You know you're avoiding me.
You're too much of a coward
to sit in your own seat.
I'm sitting with my mother.
She's a co-host of this event,
and we have our own table.
The only reason Empire Realty
bought a table is thanks to me.
That's why you're here.
I know what's going on with you and Colin.
My neighbor saw you
helping him move out of my building.
I thought Colin not telling you
about me might make things awkward.
"Awkward"? Are you fucking kidding me?
You break up my relationship,
and you think it might be awkward?
What the hell are you talking about?
I'm sorry Colin left you,
but the only thing going on between us
is that I found an apartment for him.
Wh And you expect me to believe that?
Suzanne saw you with him in his apartment
on the High Line, dude.
I helped him move a few things in.
I provide that level of service
to all of my clients.
It's called going the extra mile.
- I
- But I am not having an affair with Colin.
He's old.
Not that old. A few years older than me.
Really? You're the younger one?
Look, if it makes you feel any better,
I've seen no evidence of another guy.
I really don't think
he left you for anybody.
I've gotta get to my table. Sorry.
Oh, uh, one more thing.
Would you stop
bugging Claire Lewis about her apartment?
It's really embarrassing.
I've told you before,
she's my mother's friend.
I'm getting the listing.
You look gorgeous enough
to make me straight tonight.
Oh!
You are so
- How'd it go?
- Ah
Colin's not having a fling.
He didn't leave me for Tyler.
He didn't leave me for anyone.
He just wanted to leave me.
Which somehow feels even worse.
It felt so satisfying
to tell myself this story
that Colin left me for Tyler
because it made him look so shallow,
but really Tyler was just helping him
plot his escape
like I was holding him hostage.
I just don't know
what to do with all this anger.
You know what?
You're gonna put it into your work.
Wait until Claire sees the presentation
we put together for her.
I don't care what kind of friend
she is to his mother.
There's no way she's entrusting
her apartment to that millennial fraud.
- Mm.
- We're not getting played on this one.
Shit.
"Unfortunately, Miss Lewis
is unable to meet with you at this time."
"Thank you for your consideration."
"Dictated, not read."
We got played.
Not this time.
Excuse me, sorry. Emergency.
71st and Park.
Claire!
Claire!
Michael, what did I say
about loud voices in the lobby?
I'm sorry.
It's okay, Freddy.
Claire, don't list your apartment
with Tyler.
Nobody is going to work harder for you
or understand more about
what you are going through than I will.
Oh really? You?
You understand what I'm going through?
Yes. I just got left, too,
after 17 years.
I don't even know what happened.
And I am still looking
for any tiny excuse or stupid reason
to make me believe that it's not real.
But it is real.
I got left
by a man I thought I was gonna spend
the rest of my life with.
Michael, I'm so sorry.
But do you honestly think
it's the same thing?
Do you have any idea what it's like to be
single again for a woman at my age?
Do you have any idea what it's like to be
single again for a gay man at my age?
I'm a dinosaur.
You're still cute.
You're still gorgeous!
Tyler was taking six percent.
Can you shave a point off your commission?
Yeah, if that's what it takes.
Oh! His mother's gonna be so pissed.
It's gonna be worth it.
I am gonna work my ass off for you,
and we're gonna have fun.
Oh, good. I could use some fun.
Uh, but, Michael, one more thing.
If you're a man, I don't give a damn
how old you are or who you sleep with,
you've still got a better deal.
Just admit it. Admit it.
I guess we'll have
to compare notes, Claire.
Oh!
I look forward to that.
And to you getting me
a shit ton of money for my apartment.
Are you scared to tell somebody ♪
How you feel about somebody? ♪
Are you scared
What somebody's gonna think? ♪
Or are you scared to wear your heart
Out on your sleeve? ♪
Are you scared of me? ♪
'Cause I'm scared ♪
The bomb's gonna take me away ♪
Oh, but I really don't know ♪
What I got to say ♪
Oh, all right ♪
All right ♪
All right, all right ♪
All right ♪
Hey ♪
Ooh ♪
One, two, three ♪
Are you too scared to dance for me? ♪
Oh, oh, oh ♪