Undead Murder Farce (2023) s01e02 Episode Script

1
A.D.
Eastern France
Givre
Vague de Folie Mansion
Raoul
The hunt is over. Let's head home.
What were you looking at?
Mushrooms, Father.
You didn't kill it with the rifle?
Well, I couldn't hit it, so
I had no other choice.
Then why did you even bother bringing it?
The mayor was kind enough to send it to me.
I had to at least try it out.
Not to mention, using things like
this makes a good impression.
Like we're meeting humanity halfway.
I'm doubt we're getting
through to them, though.
That hunter attacked
us just the other day.
They've treated us harshly ever
since Count Dracula was taken out.
Exactly why making a good
impression is important.
We're all going to have to get
along with humanity from now on,
whether we like it or not.
I'm going to put the rifle away.
Could you get that silver out of our
storage room while you're at it?
Silver?
The weapon we took from that hunter.
Why keep something so dangerous in the house?
Part of making a good impression?
No.
Wouldn't we be safer holding onto it,
rather than letting it fall into
another hunter's hands?
I've made sure it's locked up,
so Charlotte doesn't play with—
What?
What's the matter?
Our blood
Raoul, stay behind me. Do not stray!
Wh-Why?
Do not leave my side! No matter what!
Claude!
Claude! Hannah!
What's the matter, Father?
Claude, are you all right?
Did something happen?
What is the matter, my lord?
Alfred, it appears we've had an intruder.
Did you notice anything?
No, I haven't seen anything.
I was in the office this whole time.
Where is Charlotte?
She's in the laundry room with Giselle.
They've been so loud this whole time.
Father!
Father
Stay here.
Hannah?
Vampire
Episode Two
"Lady Wife of Lord Godard Murdered
Was This the Work of a Vampire Hunter?"
"The First Murder Among the Human Allies"
I'm telling you, this is a warning.
"We'll do the same to you
if you don't back off."
If they don't stop being human allies, you mean?
Yeah, I'm sure there are some
extremist hunters out there
who hate the thought of
monsters getting rights.
Rumors say it could be one
of Royce's agents, too.
Well, I don't know who did it,
but if you ask me, they did nothing wrong.
Excuse me!
Lord Godard signed a written oath
that he wouldn't drink human blood.
That's why he's been given rights—
You can't trust vampires!
There he is!
Lord Godard! Lord Godard!
Lord Godard! I'm with Est News.
Could you give us your thoughts
about this incident?
Lord Godard! Look over here!
Please stop this. I'm going out
to see the judge right now.
Please move.
Move!
Lord Godard!
How old are you?
I'm a correspondent with the Epoc News.
My name's Annie Kerber, and I'm fourteen.
According to the police statement,
the investigation of this
murder is still ongoing.
Ongoing? That's absurd.
They've as good as dropped it.
I haven't had a drop of human
blood for over twenty years.
My family and I go to church
on Sunday evenings, as well!
Do you really think we
deserve this treatment?!
Are you saying this is social discrimination
against vampires who are human allies?
That's exactly what I'm saying.
Make sure you write that
Lord Godard is resentful of
how the police have been handling this.
Extremely resentful.
Then how are you planning to
get to the bottom of this?
I'm going to hire a detective.
I hear there's a duo from the east—
Detectives who specialize in monster cases.
Monster cases?
Do you mean Aya Rindo and Tsugaru Shinuchi?
Yes, I believe those were their names.
He's coming The Cage User is coming here!
Hey there, driver.
Yes, boss?
Don't you think we're shaking a bit too much?
Well, we're on a country road.
Yeah, well, all the rattling is hurting
my ass and giving me heartburn.
My master here says she's ready to hurl.
And believe me, the complaints and insults
that come from my master's
mouth are more than enough.
We'll be there soon.
Besides, you're the one who asked me to hurry.
Then if you could slowly hurry
You can't be serious!
That's enough, Tsugaru.
Ah, Master. You seem better.
I am not, but if we're
almost there, I'll survive.
Not to mention, even if I wanted
to hurl, I have no way of doing so.
Welp, you got me there.
They proved one of the merfolk
innocent of murder in Norway,
and solved a case dealing
with a golem in Belgium.
I hear they are very talented detectives.
How so?
I'm not sure.
The judge has abandoned us, too.
Are you sure you can trust them?
They're better than the police.
Wow, classy.
Boss.
If I could get that payment now
Payment? For what?
The fare for the carriage ride, of course.
One way is three francs.
That's a bit steep.
Well, it was a long ride
But that doesn't seem fair, given
how bumpy the ride was.
Boss, you're not trying to
I'm not trying to get out of paying you.
I just want to return the carriage.
Y-You can't return a horse-drawn carriage!
Oh? And why is that?
I mean
I mean, I already drove you all the way here!
I see.
Then if you'd be so kind as to drive
us back to where we started
Then I'll have returned it.
U-Uh
Come on, now
That's enough, Tsugaru.
Driver, think about this rationally.
He's trying to cheat you out
of a round-trip fare.
B-Boss?
Enough, Tsugaru.
Stop troubling the poor driver.
He seems to have had enough
misfortune already.
He's been sober for a week after his
wife yelled at him about his drinking.
H-How do you know about Natalie?
Don't act so unsettled.
I could tell from your clothes.
Driver, if you don't
demand your payment soon,
he's going to try to get out of it again.
Uh, r-right.
Anyway, boss, that'll be three francs.
Could you knock off one franc?
Boss
All right, boss. Two francs will be fine.
But please, hurry!
You see, I don't have any
cash on me right now.
You'll have to get the
payment from Lord Godard.
L-L-Lord Godard!
I need two francs from you.
Wh-Who are you?
That's our driver, Hattsuan.
My name's Mark!
Apparently, this is Mark.
I'd like him to drive us back, so would
you let him rest here for a bit?
He seems to be a bit worked up.
Alfred, show him to a room
and get him his payment.
Yes, sir.
Th-Thank you, sir.
Thank you
Thank you
So, who might you be?
It's a pleasure to meet you.
I'm the Cage User who came
all the way from Japan.
The name's Tsugaru Shinuchi.
My name may mean "headliner," but
I'm more of an opening act, at heart.
I look forward to working with ya.
I am Jean Duchet Godard. And these are
Claude, my eldest,
and Raoul, my second son.
I hear that you specialize in monster cases.
Indeed, but I am a mere apprentice.
My master's the one that
handles all the actual work.
I don't recall making you
my apprentice, Tsugaru.
You're just my assistant.
Er is this Ms. Aya Rindo?
Indeed. I am Aya Rindo.
It's an honor to meet you.
Something wrong?
Er, no. I just didn't realize the
detective was a lady.
Ah, I see. I guess it is hard to tell.
I mean, she lacks a chest, after all.
Did you say something, Tsugaru?
Nope, not a word. My apologies.
But that one was quite funny.
Shizuku, strike Tsugaru for me later.
As you wish, Lady Aya.
Despite my physical state, I will
have no problem solving this case,
so have no fear.
I will track down the murderer
who killed your wife.
Er, right. I'll be counting on you.
First, let us take your
luggage to your rooms.
Alfred.
Oh, no need. I'll have Shizuku carry them.
Uh, hey! Shizuku, you seem
to have forgotten my trunk.
You can carry your own luggage.
S-So cold. And unkind
Shizuku, carry Tsugaru's, as well.
Yes, Lady Aya.
Wh-Who is that maid?
Oh, forgot to introduce her.
Her name is Shizuku Hasei.
Then where is Ms. Aya Rindo?
Ah, I was wondering why this
conversation felt weird.
Lord Godard, had you not done
any research on us?
I had done some basic research, but
couldn't find any specific details.
Well, I'm not surprised.
I'm sure that those who
have encountered me before
thought no one would believe
them if they talked about me.
Hey, Tsugaru.
Yes'm.
This is my master.
Allow me to properly introduce myself.
My name is Aya Rindo.
I am, by occupation, a detective.
It's quite fitting, considering
I'm only able to use my head.
I'll be happy to answer any
questions you may have.
How are you still alive
when you're only a head?!
It's quite simple, really.
I'm not dead. Therefore, I'm alive.
Why are you only a head?
Unfortunately, I happened to lose the
rest of my body about a year ago.
Ever since, I've been
living in this birdcage.
How are you able to stay alive?
I really do love watching
everyone's reactions
when they see me for the first time.
Can you tell me how you found the body?
That was in the paper, I believe.
If you don't mind, please remind me,
with as many details as you can remember.
I'm terribly sorry for making you
recall such a traumatic experience.
It's all right.
I may be accustomed to seeing dead bodies,
but I'd never seen a member
of my family killed like that.
Before I knew it, I lost my
composure and started to scream.
How many people live in this mansion?
Excluding my wife, we are a family of four.
There's myself.
There's Claude and Raoul,
to whom I introduced you earlier.
And then there's my youngest,
my daughter, Charlotte.
We also have two human servants.
A maid named Giselle, and my butler, Alfred.
He's served us for over twenty years now.
I heard that the slain Madame
Hannah was previously human.
Yes.
Did she dabble in carpentry?
Hannah loved fixing up antiques.
The sounds of metal and wooden mallets
resonated through the mansion.
Are those swords decorative pieces?
No, they are real swords.
There are more in my sons' rooms.
Even when we're injured,
we heal in mere seconds,
so there's no point in using fake swords.
Is the body still there?
A vampire's body decays at an accelerated
rate, so we buried her immediately.
But we have a camera, so I took a picture of her.
The chest wound is just under
ten centimeters in diameter.
It appears that it was
indeed caused by a stake.
She bled less from the left side
of the wound than the right.
I wonder why.
Maybe the body was leaning towards the right?
Her expression seems be peaceful.
There's no sign of struggle.
Lord Godard, was Madame Hannah
asleep at the time?
Yes. We believe that's why
we didn't hear her scream.
We can assume that her death was swift.
Which would mean that
the murderer pierced her heart
with the stake in a single strike.
Could you show me what's
underneath the chair?
Sure thing.
It seems that she was undeniably
killed in this spot.
How is the back of the chair?
Not a scratch.
So the murder weapon did
not go through the body.
Our senses are rather keen.
If she was attacked in her sleep,
it would have to be the work of a
hunter who could erase their presence.
What about the holy water?
Was it thrown about after the murder?
Probably.
Lord Godard, were there any
wounds on her hands or feet?
No, her hands and feet were unharmed.
A vampire's cells lose their power
some time after death,
meaning they won't burn in
reaction to holy water.
Which means the holy water was used
immediately after her death.
It appears some evidence is still here.
Tsugaru. Pick up that bottle.
It's very much a normal bottle.
The glass is a bit dusty.
Rub it with your sleeve.
Sure thing.
Did all of the dust come off?
It's like some anecdote that just won't end.
What was that?
It's absolutely unrelenting.
You don't have to try to be clever every time.
Show me the lid.
Hup.
Not much, but there's blood on it
The culprit may have touched
it after the murder.
Put it down.
I heard that the silver stake in your
storage room was taken from a hunter.
Did he have it in a case of some sort?
No, he was holding it.
I had heard that vampires are burnt
when they touch silver or holy water.
Do you have any way of avoiding that?
For example, wrapping cloth
around anything silver.
While that might work I can't imagine
that any of us would willingly touch silver.
I was almost burnt just by putting
my hand close to the stake.
And if you're burnt in that way,
your vampire regenerative powers
They do not work, of course.
Even a slight burn would
take about a week to heal.
That's why I had Alfred take
the stake from the hunter.
Who had keys to the storage room?
Only Alfred and myself.
I see. Thank you very much.
Er, were you able to figure anything out?
There's just one thing that
fails to make sense,
and that's the timeline of this crime.
It truly does seem like the murderer
came from outside this mansion.
But if we were to assume that was true,
certain problems arise.
Seven in total.
Seven?
Tsugaru, lift your finger up.
Sure thing.
Let's start with the first.
Why was there no sign of
Madame Hannah waking up?
She was far more sensitive
to sounds and smells than a human,
so it's strange that she
didn't notice the attacker.
Second. Why did the murderer
specifically infiltrate at night?
Even children are aware that a vampire's
power weakens during the day.
We make sure to lock up tight during the day,
so they must've given up.
Even though they were able to twist
open the storage room's lock?
Third.
Why did the murderer leave the
holy water bottle at the scene?
They probably used that coat to avoid
any blood splattering onto them,
but it would be so easy to
take the bottle with them.
It's unnatural that they left it behind.
Fourth.
How did the murderer know that
the silver stake was in the storage room?
It's also strange that they'd know the
exact location of Madame Hannah's room
and when she'd likely be napping.
Fifth.
Why did the murderer remove the
silver stake after stabbing her
and return it to the storage room?
Now, I'd like you to pay particular
attention to the sixth problem.
Master, we have an issue.
I don't have any more
free fingers to hold up.
Then just stick out your tongue.
Bleh.
Now, the sixth
Maffer.
What is it?
Whaf should we oo abouf the sevenf?
Lift up your leg or something.
Ms. Rindo.
Yes?
That doesn't look like a seven
Oh, very well.
We'll go over the last two later.
Oh, Lottie.
These are detectives who came to
investigate what happened here.
Lottie!
Tsugaru
That's enough.