Unhitched s01e02 Episode Script

Something about you makes me want to do this! I like that about me.
I don't usually pick up guys at the atm.
I don't usually have money.
take me, daddy! daddy?! Honey, we're here to help you.
Sasha, this is an intervention.
Your family and friends have all gathered here Because they're very concerned about your sex addiction.
This is none of your business.
I don't have a problem.
Well, according to your roommate, This is the seventh man you've brought home this week.
Well, it's my life, And I will do what I want.
Bedroom's this way.
let's go, wayne.
uh, it's tommy.
Maybe these people are right, you know? I mean, 7 guys in a week.
It's not even tuesday.
You're really lucky to have such a great family.
You really ought to listen to them.
ok, let's go.
Where do you think you're going? what? You don't want her to quit cold turkey, do you? Oh, would you look at this line?! This place looks as if it's going off of the hook! Why are we doing this? I didn't like going to clubs Back when we were the age of people who go to clubs.
Look, we're single again, man.
Don't you want to go where the action is? Yeah, as long as the action is some place deafening.
All right, settle down, gramps.
When we get into the dance hall, I'll have them turn down the hi-fi.
l.
o.
l.
We're not gonna get in there.
Somebody's gonna need to show a little skin.
come on.
All right, I'm on it.
Not you.
I don't think-- he didn't-- Oh, you guys, I saw the funniest thing today at work.
Ok, my nurse gloria, She put up this new poster in the waiting room, And it features a kitten hanging from a branch.
And you know what it says? "hang in there.
" Ok, why would you do that? Ok, here I am, I set up the whole joke, And you just swoop in with the funny part? Freddy, that wasn't really a joke.
Yeah, not the way you said it.
Oh, you guys, he's waving us in.
come on.
Tell me, how do you work this magic? Little piece of advice-- Always make friends with the bouncer.
oh, man.
This place is sweet! You couldn't have gotten us a table inside the men's room? You all right? he's ok.
Hey, where's freddy? He's probably working on his cat jokes.
ha ha.
thank you.
We didn't order these.
No, there's a 2 bottle minimum.
We're not gonna drink 2 bottles of champagne! That's the beauty of this place.
You don't have to drink it, you just have to pay for it.
I'll get the next one.
you'll keep it open.
And a vodka tonic for the lady.
Oh, i-- it's courtesy Of the gentleman in the corner booth.
Oh, my god, he's really cute! Totally.
he looks like he just stepped off One of those sexy underwear billboards.
Something you want to tell us? You guys, what should I do? Do I talk to him, or-- You don't, tommy will.
Ok.
all right, I'm going in.
how do I look? I don't know.
no boogers.
I've really got to get some girlfriends.
excuse me.
hi.
Can I get a beer here, please? or a hose? or a mop? wow! You know, not all conjoined twins get along this well.
You want to know the really sad thing, she's my date.
You know what, don't stand so close.
I wouldn't want you to get all pregnant.
Yeah, that might get in the way of my drinking.
Excuse me, can i-- I actually tried "excuse me, can i--," it doesn't work here.
You know, they haven't touched their beers.
Well, that's a shame When you think of all the sober children in africa.
Yeah, if only I could distract them.
hmm.
hmm.
oh, I know.
We're takin' your beers! to young love.
You know, we've had a lot of fun at their expense, But have you stopped to think that maybe they're on to something? You know, I think that you're right.
This could really catch on.
Yeah, it just needs a catchy name.
I know-- tonsil hockey.
So, do you want to do more of it, Or do you just want to make jokes about it? ah.
Hey.
if you're gonna crash here, please put a shirt on.
fine.
Oh, lovely.
full frontal.
Hey! here's the remote.
I was looking for this all night.
hey.
hey, gator.
Tommy.
tommy's privates.
What happened to you last night? met somebody.
And I got some digits.
sweet! mm-hmm alonzo.
She sounds lovely.
No, it's the bouncer from the club last night.
Took tommy's advice and I befriended him.
I meant just to slip him a twenty So he'd let you in next time.
Look, for me, friendship is not just about money, ok? It's about connecting and getting to know somebody.
Speaking of which, Alonzo told me that you left the bar last night With a lovely blonde.
Her name's barbara.
she's amazing.
She makes me laugh, finds me attractive.
So you have that in common.
Exactly.
you know what, I'm gonna go out on a limb here-- It reminded me of the first time I met nicky.
What are you saying? All I'm saying is I think she's pretty perfect.
how perfect? This conversation goes no further Until you've got pants on.
ok.
You know what, gator, this is really ironic, ok? Because originally you said you didn't even want to go to the club, And here you're telling me that you met somebody that's perfect? yeah.
Quick medical question.
You ever come across a patient Who had, like, a littlethingie Hanging off their back? What do you mean, like, a mole? No, no, no.
little bigger.
Like, um, kind of like bonus skin hanging off there.
You know, like ashrimp? Ah, you know what it sounds like? A simple little skin tag, nothing to worry about.
Although they can be a little off-putting.
No, no, I'm not put off.
I'm just saying, here's this perfect woman With a tiny little imperfection.
You know what, I'm gonna forget about it.
That's what I'm gonna do.
What were we even talking about? Oh, her shrimp-like skin tag.
Just to review-- trying to forget.
oh.
you guys.
katie.
hi.
hey! I had the best time last night.
Me and that guy bobby had so much fun.
Uh-huh.
how much fun? Not that much fun.
Really? because I could have sworn that I saw someone Being dropped off on a motorcycle this morning.
busted! That doesn't mean anything.
But you had a good time? I--yeah, I just have this thing for musicians.
You know, I know chad was that whole buttoned-up corporate vibe, But bobby is not at all.
He's got that whole, like, free-spirit rocker thing going on.
And we totally trashed his hotel room.
seriously? Well, I think the coffee maker Might have already been broken.
Either way, it ain't working now, you know what I'm saying?! So who is this guy? Apparently he is a genius musician.
people say he's like a young eddie van halen.
But you know what? don't take my word for it.
He's performing at avalon tonight, And I got him to put all of us on the list.
So you're dating a rocker? yep.
lucky you.
The closest I've come is a certified financial what is it? Planning advisor.
Stop.
you're getting me all worked up.
I like this girl.
hey.
hey! You guys, this is bobby.
Tommy, barbara, gator.
hey.
Yeah.
nice meeting you guys.
Yeah.
hope you all dig the show.
Look, babe, I gotta go report for my soundcheck, But, uh, why don't you bring everybody backstage afterwards, yeah? You got it, bobby.
you got itbobby.
all right.
He is really cute! I told you, right? It's like a sauna in here.
what's up with the sweater? Well, gator said it would be freezing.
Trust me.
when they put that a/c on, it will be.
No, you gotta lose that thing.
come on.
You gotta mind your own business.
oh, come on.
All right, ok, bring it over here.
that's fine.
All the way up the flagpole? Man, I can only hope this movie's half as hilarious As your camp stories, boy.
ha ha.
I don't understand.
These seats are wide open.
Why would you not let them sit there? Just doesn't make sense, but-- Wow, what a magical night.
Just want to remember all of this.
hey! hey.
hey.
Oh, my god, I feel like kate hudson in almost famous! Before she oded.
Oh, yeah! this guy totally shreds! What exactly are we watching here? Only the sickest air guitarist In all of southern new england, man! Bobby, you're god! This is good, I would imagine.
I can't believe I slept with an air guitarist.
You gave it up to the musical cousin of a mime.
check it out.
This is you before you knew-- ah.
And this is you after.
oh.
Oh, look, that's the shrimp.
Look, it looks like it's winking.
Will you delete that, please? No, it's my screensaver.
Look, I told you, it's just a little skin tag, ok? how about this? How about you have her drop by the office? It'll take 2 seconds.
She won't feel a thing.
We'll just knock that little bugger to the curb.
What do you say? really? That's a really good idea, Because women love when you point out their imperfections, And then suggest amputation.
i-- What's so funny? Oh, no, it's just alonzo.
He's a master of the quippy text message.
Oh, I could see that.
And he's also--man, is he ever good at imperfections.
You should hear his impressions.
he can do everybody.
Christopher walken, does al pacino, Does an amazing dakota fanning.
Anyway, he's waiting for me down at the pretzel place.
Oh, are you going downtown? yeah.
I'm gonna walk with you.
Or perhaps you'd like to hop in my air car.
ha ha.
get it? Cause you made love to that air fellow.
Yeah, I got it.
thanks.
Thank you.
bye, guys.
bye.
see you.
You really dig this chick, don't you? yeah.
Well, it's too bad about the scampi.
Enough, ok? it's not a big deal.
ok.
What if I told you I could make it go away? what? I used to pluck them off my gramps 2 at a time.
He never felt a thing.
ah It's just like a loose tooth.
You grip it and rip it.
ah! Look, does it bother me a little bit? Yes.
just a tiny bit.
But I can get past it.
Oh, really? yeah.
Like you got past cathy flynn's chin dimple, Of lisa udolph's stubby thumbs? That was half a lifetime ago.
I'm a grown-up now.
I know what I want.
If it comes with a flaw or two, so be it.
two? Where's the other one? All right, there will be no gripping And no ripping, ok? Ok.
but you know where to find me.
At your place, if that's cool.
yeah? yeah.
Hey, 'zo, what's wrong? Oh, come on, man.
It's all over your face.
I've never seen you like this.
lost my job.
oh, no.
club closed.
I'm sorry to hear about that.
see you around.
Hey, wait, wait, wait! What do you mean, see you around? I thought we were going rollerblading.
You don't want to be my friend anymore.
Why would you say such a silly thing? People try to be my friend cause I'm a bouncer.
Now I'm not a bouncer.
Alonzo leslie gay, You bite your tongue.
You being a bouncer has nothing to do With why I want you to be my friend.
Hey, who makes me laugh when I am down, huh? Who's teaching me how to riverdance? Who tells me not what I want to hear, But what I need to hear? me? yes, you.
And that is why I'm your friend.
thanks.
hey Maybe dakota fanning can find a way to thank me, huh? thanks.
Yes, is this the american sugar corporation? Um, I don't have a comment, But my question is, I'm on my fourth date with this guy.
How much longer before I can call him my boyfriend? uh-huh.
Ok, thanks so much.
They said it has to be sugar related.
Well, they don't know.
Hmm.
you know, I kind of have an itch.
Would you mind scratching my back? uh, sure.
sure.
I said my back.
Yeah, I'm working my way over there.
Ok, who's got the shrimp? oh, I do.
she does.
I'll be right back.
ok.
yeah? You sure she won't feel a thing? She'll never know.
oof.
take it down.
done.
ohhi there.
hey.
Hey, what happened to you last night? You bailed before my second encore.
Bobby, listen, we had a really good time together, but I don't-- I know what you're going to say.
you do? Yeah, yeah, you, uh You're having a hard time with the fact that I'm you know a rock star.
Uh, well, actually, I-i didn't really, um-- hey, I get it.
You know.
I mean, you saw me on that stage last night, The whole thing became too real for you.
I'm sorry, what exactly was too real about you onstage last night? You know, me up there wailing, the girls going crazy.
The, you know, the whole thing.
oh, yeah.
I mean, it was hard to watch.
Look, you are not the first girl to have a problem with the lifestyle.
Ok? but I cannot give it up for you, kate.
If I'm forced to choose between a babe and my music, My music is gonna win every time.
As long as it wins this time.
yeah.
Hey, one last tongue jam for old time's sake? Oh, no, I think-- yeah.
hey.
be well.
are you ok? Me? yeah, I'm fine.
no.
I mean, you're not.
You've been acting really weird.
And I think I know what it is.
It's the skin tag on my back, isn't it? the what? Oh, come on, you don't have to pretend.
I mean, I know it's there.
And, yes, I thought about having it removed, In case you were wondering.
you have? well, yeah.
When I was a kid, I was really self-conscious about it.
I mean, you know how cruel people can be.
There was a girl in my school that said it looked like a scallop.
a scallop.
Well, that's just wrong.
But then my mom said that it made me special.
She called it my little angel wing.
hmm.
and, um, And that always made me feel better.
She died shortly after that.
And not a day goes by that I don't miss her, But as long as I have my angel wing, It's like my mom's always with me.
excuse me.
ok.
Tommy, where are you? abort, abort! no! mommy! Hey, you told me it wasn't gonna hurt.
I told you what you needed to hear.
What does that mean? You just couldn't get past it, could you? no.
If only bobby had a real guitar, And barbara had an air shrimp.
You know, gator, cosmically this just means That she wasn't the right one for you.
Do you guys hear that music? oh-ho! I was wrong, kate! I could give it all up for you! Oh, you know what? that's ok.
I'm good.
thanks Excuse me, i'm here to see Dr.
S Name? Ridel Bryan Sorry, not on the list.
No, but I come here all the time.
I've never seen you.
but Oh, no, zo.
she's cool.
Have fun in there.
Thank you.
Hello Ms.
Bryan.
How's your foot pain? Much better.