Until Life Do Us Part (2021) s01e02 Episode Script

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- [typing on cell phone]
- [text message tone whooshes]
[yawns]
[sighs]
- [urinating]
- [cell phone chimes]
CÁSSIA: I've also dreamt about you
[stops urinating]
[grunts]
[continues urinating]
Of course you did, baby. [chuckles softly]
Did you think about me
when you scored the goal?
- [typing]
- [chuckles]
[message tone whooshes]
I don't know if I can wait that long
- It's just a little while away
- A little while is too much time
Bye, see you tomorrow.
It's a bit early for dinner
You know what I think? Fuck dinner.
[chuckles]
- [engine revving]
- [gasps]
I can't believe this. My God.
[sighs sharply]
[groans]
[engine idling]
[whimsical music plays]
[sighs]
- [thuds]
- [object clatters]
[switch clicking]
[whimsical music plays]
Shit.
[bottle thuds]
[whimsical music playing]
[theme song playing]
[in Portuguese] So much left unsaid ♪
Whenever I leave ♪
The bonds are
Made of concrete ♪
I'm staying on this stop ♪
Yes ♪
Save your next trip for me ♪
There is love if there is a will ♪
Make me miss you no more ♪
[engine stops]
[grunts]
[man sighs]
[in English] Smoking kills.
Haven't you heard?
If that thing you drive
doesn't kill me first.
Give me a cigarette, come on.
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
[sniffs]
Ah.
[chuckling] Since when
do you have such a fancy lighter?
Since when do you even smoke?
I I smoked for 30 years, young man.
[Daniel] Hmm.
What are you doing up
at 3:00 in the morning anyway?
I haven't slept since 1972.
[both chuckle]
But you are way too young for insomnia.
Well, maybe it's that piece of junk
you drive around
that keeps me up all night.
Ever think of that?
Hey, your son calls it
[with accent] "vintage."
- Vintage, huh?
- [with accent] Vintage.
Right.
When I can't sleep,
I walk around the villa.
Did you know there are bats
on the other side?
[chuckles] In Dracula's cave?
What's that?
Have you been eating
in the middle of the night?
Oh.
[sniffles]
Let's just say I destroyed a wedding cake.
Was it good at least? Hmm?
It was too sweet.
Huh.
My doctor always says,
"Sugar, alcohol and tobacco,
- they kill a guy's hard-on."
- [chuckles softly]
Something tells me
I won't be needing one anytime soon.
Want some Viagra?
[both chuckle]
No.
- That's not the problem.
- So what is?
It's the rest. All the other stuff.
[pleasant music playing]
"We need to talk"
is the worst sentence ever
- [Rita] Shall we get started?
- [Cássia] Mm-hmm.
Why do vegans taste better?
VEGANS TASTE BETTER
- Oh. This?
- [Cássia] It's the quality of semen, babe.
- The quality of what?
- [Rita] The sperm. It tastes better.
Because vegans eat more fruits
and vegetables. That's what they say.
- So, um, how did you meet?
- [man] Hmm.
[cell phone chimes]
Well, you know, I
And we're live! Smile, babe.
Hi, my cuties. How are you?
[Cássia chuckles]
We're here at our final wedding interview.
I can't tell you where
because it's a super-secret.
This is just such
a special moment in our lives.
[chuckles] That's just how she is.
She just gets excited.
And you don't?
When I'm on the field.
- And off the field?
- I like a quieter life.
Well, playing for Lisbon Sports Club,
that can't help.
And I bet the fact that Cássia's the host
of the most-watched afternoon TV show
doesn't help either.
- That's why I don't do interviews.
- Really? Why?
Only when my manager says. Like this one.
[Rita] Hmm.
A super special cake, made by Chef Loco.
With sugar pearls from Fiji.
- Right, babe?
- Mm-hmm.
Later on, if you stay tuned, I'll share
- So, moving on, how did you two meet?
- Like this. On social media.
[kisses] Love you. See you soon.
[cell phone beeps]
Did you have to say it like that,
"On social media"?
It makes us sound like Tinder sex addicts.
[man] Well, it was Instagram.
What's the difference?
- Um, can we please start over?
- Sure. Of course. Of course.
Great.
[Rita] But maybe
we can try another angle this time.
[Cássia] Mm-hmm.
For example, Baldé, where do you
see yourself ten years from now?
Team captain, children, still in love?
[Cássia chuckles]
Honestly, I don't know.
Soccer's so uncertain.
I might not even be
with Lisbon Sports Club next year.
What do you mean, you don't know?
I mean, you never know
what's going to happen tomorrow.
- Um, can you turn the camera off, please?
- Okay.
[camera switches off]
Baldé, we need to talk.
[sighs] "We need to talk"
is the worst sentence ever.
[phone ringing]
[phone beeps]
Hello. Days of Passion.
No. No, ma'am,
I'm afraid this isn't an escort service.
We plan weddings.
What?
[softly] Right now I have a situation
going on at home. This isn't a good time.
RTP Azores has called
wanting to know where we live.
We had some things pop up.
Okay. I'll call you back.
[loudly] I'll call you back
to set it up. Thank you.
- Who was that?
- No one. What's up?
[Daniel] It was Vasco, wasn't it?
[distorted] Hmm. That Vasco
is so handsome and so rich.
I'd do him for sure. [chuckles]
- [Daniel grunts]
- [gasps]
[distorted] Son of a bitch
has always wanted to get with you.
[in normal voice] Vanessa? Vanessa.
- What?
- That's what I'm asking you.
I thought that this wedding
of that famous what's-her-name,
I thought it was some big state secret.
Do you know anything about this?
Yes. It's a cake.
A cake that was
on the kitchen floor this morning.
Maybe it wanted to make a run for it.
Don't play dumb, Daniel.
[woman] I won't be able
to fix this cake up.
I'm all out of sugar pearls
from Mauritius.
They're from Fiji, Mom. From Fiji.
For Princess Diana's wedding, we used
coconut chips from the Philippines.
[typing on cell phone]
- Vanessa, we need to talk.
- About what?
You know exactly what it's about.
We don't have time for this.
We have a thousand things to do.
You don't have time to talk about us?
[phone ringing]
Come on, we have to talk.
I can't sleep on the couch anymore.
- I can't stop thinking about it.
- [Vanessa] Will someone pick up the phone?
Days of Passion.
Fama Magazine?
Because of whose wedding?
[speaking Spanish] Sorry, miss,
this is an escort site, okay?
Thank you very much.
[Vanessa] What is there to think about?
Are you really sure you want a divorce?
Do you really wanna talk about this now?
Why not? Don't you think they'll notice?
The only thing I care about right now
is saving our business.
And you're going to save the business
by turning the villa
into some sort of playground
for paparazzi?
I don't know how it happened.
It was an accident. I've no idea, Daniel.
It happened because celebrities
attract sordid tabloid drama
- the way dogs attract fleas.
- Listen to me carefully.
Marta set up this wedding
as a huge favor to me. Hmm?
Cássia, that's her name.
Cássia's one of her patients.
She also happens to be one of the most
famous people in the country.
This is a gift, okay? Listen to me.
If this goes well, all the celebrities
will wanna get married here at the villa.
And do you know what that means? Money!
Do you realize that it's been three years
since anyone picked menu A?
What's a "menu A"?
[sighs in exasperation]
Catering for rich people.
It's three times
as expensive as the others.
And what about
when the menu-C photographers
are swarming the grounds
and trampling your flowerbeds?
- Well, the official photographer is you.
- Guess what? I don't photograph idiots.
[scoffs] Oh, speaking of idiots,
weren't your parents
the one raising our rent?
The rent we have to pay.
[cell phone chimes]
It's Vasco again, isn't it?
Are you screwing that asshole?
- What?
- We need to talk about our situation.
[sighs] Uh-uh.
[percussive music playing]
[Rita] And here is our outside
Oh, my gosh. Now we're heading outside.
I can't even I'm getting emotional.
I can already see the tables here.
Just beautiful.
I'm going to show you in a second,
it has an amazing pool.
- That really helps with organization
- This place is so beautiful.
And it's great because
it's less than an hour from Lisbon.
This is my grandfather
who helps out with the groundskeeping.
- Here's Grandpa! Say hello.
- You play for Lisbon Sports Club?
- I do indeed. Are you a fan, sir?
- No. I hate Lisbon Sports Club.
[Rita] Let's continue with
Lots of love, my cuties.
Sorry, what are you guys talking about?
[Rita] Nothing, I was
just continuing the tour.
We can set the tables wherever you want.
Maybe the altar could go there.
- All around here, right, the tables?
- Yes. Yes, that's right.
It'll also depend on the numbers.
So, whenever you figure out
your head count
[Cássia] So exciting.
- [continues indistinctly]
- [whimsical music playing]
[Rita] Oh, yeah, of course.
That's not a problem.
We can have the swings over here.
We can check how the swings work, but
[Cássia] Swings are so stunning.
[Daniel] Of course. Of course I can.
Of course I get you some directions.
Do you have a pen and paper?
- How in the world does this happen?
- [chuckles]
I don't know. Apparently the woman
went live with her GPS turned on,
so all of her followers
could see her location.
- [sighs]
- You know, as you do. [chuckles]
So what's up?
- What's up with what?
- With you.
Nothing's up with me.
- Why? Is something up with you?
- [sighs]
Have you finished your thesis?
- You're completely dodging the question.
- What do you want to know?
I want to know if you're gonna
keep sleeping here in the office or not.
It's been 13 nights in a row.
It's never been that bad. Okay?
In 2018, it was four nights.
In 2019, it was six.
This year it's already 13.
Isn't that a record or something?
So I guess that's why my back hurts.
Hmm. So it's really just your back, huh?
Marco, what's that statistic
about divorce?
- Fifty out of a hundred?
- Seventy out of a hundred.
We should switch up the business.
Get into the divorce planning industry.
Just imagine,
St. Anthony's Blessed Divorces.
- [humming comically]
- [Marco laughs]
But hey, listen, there's another statistic
that says 85% of divorcees
are happier after getting separated.
[chuckles]
[clock ticking]
[cell phone chimes]
[gripping music playing]
RITA: I would do it too, mother
[music stops abruptly]
[gripping music plays and stops]
VASCO: This was the first time I saw you
[text message tone whooshes]
[gentle piano music playing]
[engine revving]
[pleasant music playing]
I think we're celebrating the wedding of
two people who don't want to get married
[sighs]
- [Rita] Hello.
- I need to see the property, please.
Armando. I need to see
The property. Of course.
Aye, aye, Captain.
- Hello. I'm Rita.
- Hello. Nice to meet you, Rita.
[Rita] Is this always
how you make your entrance?
With this pressing need to delve
into every intricacy of the venue?
"Delve into every intricacy of the venue"?
Sounds like we've got an English major.
- Sociology.
- Ah.
Or rather psychology and then sociology.
And a year of anthropology.
- Anthropology, psychology, sociology.
- [Rita] Mm-hmm.
Well, I'm gonna call you "Ology."
Gia, for short.
- If you don't mind, of course.
- Are you a friend of the groom, Captain?
No, I'm the captain of security.
His bodyguard.
- His friends are those guys over there.
- Oh. Well, then.
The friends look like bodyguards
and the bodyguard looks like a friend.
- Shall we?
- [chuckles]
[instrumental music playing over speakers]
[Marco chuckles] Yes,
André turned up for his shift.
I just hope he isn't too stoned.
[chuckles]
They basically put a guy
at every corner of the house
to check everyone who goes in and out.
To keep the paparazzi away.
You know how it is.
But we did have a bodyguard
show up to check out the venue.
That's the price of fame, I guess.
Look, uh, I have to go.
The wedding's starting.
[chuckles softly]
I'll miss you too. Talk soon.
[grunts softly]
- [André] Yeah.
- [man] Uh-huh.
André, have you seen my dad?
[André] No, no.
Oh. Let me introduce you, uh
What'd you say your name was again?
Fábio Neves. Nice to meet you.
André, everyone knows who Fábio Neves is.
[Fábio] Exactly.
Oh, yeah. You're that guy
from those commercials.
No, he's not. He's Baldé's manager.
Those commercials
for those pills that give you a boner.
Finally someone's recognizing me
from the commercials. About time.
Do you know why Ronaldo can jump so high?
[André] Uh-uh.
Because he's always hard, boys,
hard as a rock, in fact.
[chuckles] Let me see. Ah.
Virilix. It'll fix your dicks.
All-natural.
Take this and you'll be
ready for anything.
And when I say anything, I mean anything.
[André laughs]
[cell phone ringing]
- Maybe you shouldn't keep these.
- Excuse me.
- They could mess you up.
- Hello?
Are they here or not? I need to know.
- Who?
- The bride and groom.
Oh, yeah. Rita said five minutes, dude.
- Don't call me "dude."
- Oh, dude, sorry, dude.
Marco. It's Vanda.
From the band. Vanda from the band-a.
Oh.
Yes, Vanda. How are you doing?
If you remember, at the last wedding,
we said we were going to get a drink
after the next wedding.
Which is actually this wedding.
Remember, yes or no?
Right. Of course.
I totally remember. Yeah.
But I'm kind of busy working right now,
you know, and things are super hectic.
Why don't you talk to Rita
if there's anything you need help with?
Does that sound good?
Sorry, I gotta get back to work.
[a capella music playing]
[snoring]
[door opens]
Dad! Dad, Dad. You've got two minutes.
They're almost here.
- Right.
- Up, up, let's go, come on.
And by the way, that's 14.
[Daniel] What?
[Marco] Fourteen nights
out on the couch. Chop-chop.
[a capella music continues]
[orchestral music playing over speakers]
The bride and groom are coming, come on!
- Where is your father?
- [man 1] Come on!
I don't know.
I guess he wants to make it 15.
What?
[guests cheering and applauding]
- [man 1] There they are!
- [Baldé] Let's go.
[Cássia chuckles awkwardly]
[man 1] A kiss, come on.
- [man 2] Smile.
- [man 3] Yeah!
Ooh. I'm gonna go see what's going on.
[man 1] To the bride and groom.
Yeah, let's hear it for them!
[men whooping]
[indistinct chatter]
- [sighs] Princess Diana?
- You don't know the half of it.
Joaquim and I stayed in Buckingham Palace
in the staff quarters downstairs.
- [André] Under the stairs?
- That's right.
To protect the royal family's silverware.
[André] Huh.
Ah. Perfect!
- Hey!
- Ow!
[Daniel] Vanessa.
- Don't you dare.
- This is my room too, you know.
Get out.
Vanessa, I know I messed up. I'm sorry.
[scoffs] You didn't just mess up today.
I haven't been sleeping.
I can barely keep my eyes open. Come on.
- You smell like alcohol.
- [sighs]
I'm not gonna drop this
until you talk to me.
Daniel, have you looked out there?
Have you?
The wedding is about to start
and everyone is taking photos except you!
Great. Sounds like
they don't need me at all.
- Do your damn job!
- Then talk to me!
Zip me.
What did I do? What did I do?
"I, I, I." This isn't about you.
Not everything is about you.
This is about me and how I'm feeling.
And all I'm asking
is that you respect that
and just do your job!
Or else, by next month,
we won't have a villa or a business.
Or a family.
[Vanessa sighs]
[somber piano music playing]
[door closes]
[sighs]
[Cássia] I like your room.
It smells like bubble gum,
like a teenage girl's room.
[instrumental music playing over speakers]
What happened, Cássia?
What happens when people get married,
but don't really know each other first?
- I don't understand.
- [chuckles softly]
Well, the first time I saw Baldé
was on TV kicking a ball.
And the first time he saw me,
I was just famous.
[Rita] Hmm.
I don't know anything about soccer
and he doesn't know anything
about anything.
I don't think that's how
people get to know each other.
[chuckles]
You're really naive, aren't you, cutie?
Why do you think
celebrities marry other celebrities?
Because there's this
kind of silent agreement.
We meet, but we never
really get to know each other.
That's the world I live in.
[Rita] Hmm.
Are you getting cold feet?
Baldé and I fought the entire night.
- Can I ask why?
- You can.
It's because that asshole manager
of his wants to sell him
to a team in Saudi Arabia.
- Well, that's pretty far.
- Yeah.
Can you see me in Arabia,
all dressed in black,
with only my eyes showing?
- No.
- Right. Neither can I.
And it's, "Fábio this, Fábio that.
Fábio, Fábio."
Soccer players are little children
with their managers.
If I had wanted to marry Fábio,
I would fucking marry Fábio, not Baldé.
But it looks like
I'll have to marry them both.
There's still time to back out.
That's always an option at a wedding.
[laughs] That would be
the scandal of the century.
But there are no paparazzi
or journalists at the villa today.
Mm. Sweetheart, have you seen
how many people are out there?
These days, everyone's paparazzi
or a fucking journalist.
Let me show you.
- Smile, beautiful.
- [chuckles softly]
[camera shutter clicks]
You've already made the front page. See?
- [motor whirring]
- [Cássia gasps]
Yeah, and Baldé's semen
is definitely not vegan.
[Vanda singing in Portuguese]
Dust on my foot ♪
Blue sky ♪
I won't change the sunset ♪
In the skin, we are one ♪
My cream is your salt ♪
Come here and see it ♪
Melting ♪
[in English] So, have you
thought about what we discussed yet?
- Fábio.
- [Fábio] Mm-hmm.
- You know you're like a father
- Let me stop you right there.
You're not seriously going to say "but"?
- What?
- Know who else said "but"?
Dani, '96.
That guy could've
been an international star.
"You're like a father to me, but"
"You know best, but"
You have any idea how many guys
have ruined their career by saying "but"?
But, Cássia Cássia doesn't want
to leave Portugal.
- Mm-hmm. And?
- And what?
Who wears the pants?
Or rather, the shorts? Hmm?
You have to
It's time.
You have to put her in her place, okay?
Just put her in her place.
Aren't there any other options?
Do you have any idea how many guys
were ready to level up their careers,
but ended up running home to mommy?
I said no, dumbass.
No.
I'm going to get the contract
on my phone any minute,
and you have to sign it.
Go on now. Go get married.
But look,
never forget who's the boss here.
Hmm? It's you. [laughs]
[Vanda singing in Portuguese]
I'll go with you ♪
I'll go with you ♪
I'll go with you ♪
I'll go with you ♪
[vocalizing]
[in English] in sickness
and in health, for richer, for poorer,
to love and to cherish you every day,
till death do us part.
[Cássia chuckles]
[minister] The rings, please.
[Cássia chuckles]
[ominous music playing]
Baldé, look at me.
Baldé, put the fucking ring on.
What's happening?
[Cássia] Baldé, put it on.
I think we're marrying two people
who don't want to get married.
- Put the fucking ring on.
- Cássia, I'm going to sign the contract.
You can sign whatever shit you want.
Now put the ring on.
We need to stay married for six months
before everyone forgets all this.
Put the ring on now, please.
[chuckles]
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
[guests cheering and applauding]
[upbeat music playing]
You're so fucked.
Yes, I am.
Not one? You didn't take a single
- What's going on? What happened?
- Aunt V, you won't believe
André, I told you a million times,
I'm not your aunt.
- Aunt V, I'm sorry, but it's just
- [sighs]
Uncle Daniel didn't even
take a single photo. [laughs]
You're kidding. You have to be kidding.
It was an accident. I was swapping
the cards and put the same one back in
It wasn't an accident.
It was because you were hungover.
- [Daniel] Hmm?
- [cell phone rings]
- Aren't you going to get that?
- What now?
How are you going to solve this problem?
Tell the happy couple
they don't have any wedding photos?
But there are photos.
- Everyone there was taking photos.
- Official photos, Daniel.
[Vanda singing in Portuguese]
I'll carry on in omission ♪
To please ♪
I live in reverse ♪
Of the time in me ♪
[in English] Since when am I responsible
I know you threw the cake on the floor.
Because you were drunk.
No, you're wrong, I wasn't even drunk yet.
[cell phone ringing]
- Who keeps calling you?
- Do you really want to know?
- Who is João Sequeira?
- He's my lawyer.
Never heard of him.
That's because I've never needed a lawyer.
- Why do you need a lawyer?
- To divorce you.
- For what?
- To divorce you!
- But I I don't want a divorced.
- [girl crying]
I don't want to split up.
I don't want
I don't want to give up on this.
I don't want you to give up on us,
I don't want to give up on you.
But it isn't up to you, Daniel.
[Cássia] How the hell did you get in here?
You ruined my wedding day!
[indistinct chatter]
- [man] Don't worry about it.
- [Armando] Get out of here!
Let's go! Come on!
Get this guy out Go on.
Get this guy out of here! Get out!
- [Baldé] Throw him out! Yeah! Get him!
- [Cássia crying] Let go of me, Baldé!
- [Rita] What happened?
- Paparazzi snuck in.
- How'd they know?
- They realized that no one knew him.
By now, he must've already sent
a bunch of photos to all the magazines.
Oh. What a shame.
So much for the secret wedding.
Hey, so, uh, are all weddings here
like this, Gia, so full of excitement?
Always, my Captain, always.
[laughs]
[in sing-song voice] Yoo-hoo.
[giggles]
[in sultry voice] Look who's here.
Vanda, I, uh, have to get back
and fix up that circus.
You have to get back to the circus.
Did you know that this happens to be
my favorite place in here?
You know, that's where
we keep our instruments sometimes.
Once, Marco, I was so wasted,
so wasted, Marco,
that I actually slept here. See?
On this bale of hay.
Look at little Vanda
sleeping on the bale of hay, Marco.
Okay, I, uh, didn't know that.
No?
- Are you scared of me, Marco? Are you?
- Scared of you?
Vanda, I, uh
I don't even really know you.
- No?
- Why would I be scared
[Vanda moans]
[Marco grunts]
I have to go help out.
No disrespect.
[in normal voice] Nothing?
Today was one heck of a day.
Tell me about it.
What an interesting pair.
Well, in my day, pears were fruit.
Any every once in a while,
a pear would suddenly show up.
[Daniel] Hmm.
Tasty, juicy.
As yellow as the sun. And
And the most expensive too.
[sighs]
And the rarest.
So, how's your insomnia coming along?
It's 2:00 in the morning,
then it feels like 9:00 a.m.
- That thing still tricky?
- Mm.
It's all very mixed up.
Broken pieces everywhere.
I want to put them back together,
but I can't.
Believe me, I really try.
I'm stubborn that way.
But it's not enough.
The other person has to want it too.
You can't force the situation.
[footsteps approaching]
- [Marco] What can't you force, Grandpa?
- Ah.
We were talking about pears.
[chuckles]
The delicious ones.
Succulent, juicy, really ripe. [laughs]
The kinds you dream about.
The ones you search for. [laughs]
But you can't force it.
Can't sleep either, son?
No.
Right. Ah.
[Daniel] Where are you going?
I'm going to check on the bats.
It's their time of night.
[Daniel] Can that clunker carry two of us?
And it could even carry three.
Want to come?
- No, no, no, Grandpa, I'm fine here.
- Okay then, let's go.
[Joaquim whistling]
[Vanessa] Sure, I understand, Cássia.
Yes, but there was a problem
with the, um, camera's memory card.
I didn't worry much at that time either
because I thought you might not want
official wedding photos from that day.
Of course.
No, of course. Of course, sure.
I'll see what I can do for you.
Yep. Have a good day.
Have a good day, thank you.
[sighs] Fuck me.
[knock on door]
Daniel, turns out Cássia does want the
[Vanessa sighs]
[mouse pad clicking]
[keyboard clacking]
[captivating instrumental music playing]
[sniffles]
[gentle piano music playing]
[theme song playing]
[in Portuguese] So much left unsaid ♪
Whenever I leave ♪
The bonds are ♪
Made of concrete ♪
I'm staying on this stop ♪
Yes ♪
Save your next trip for me ♪
There is love if there is a will ♪
Make me miss you no more ♪