Up Here (2023) s01e02 Episode Script
Miguel
1
[LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING]
First video game you ever
masturbated to. On three.
- No.
- Yes, dude.
- One, two
- No, Steph, I'm not doin' this.
three.
Tetris or Donkey Kong, Jr.
It happened on the same day,
don't remember which was first, and
I don't care that you didn't answer.
- MIGUEL: Great.
- [KNOCKS ON DOOR]
Hey, uh, the programmers are asking
when you'll have the new
concept drawings ready
for Cyprian's apprentice.
Um, Tuesday, probably.
Um, I forgot to tell you, I
It's my brother's band recital tonight.
And we're doin' this whole
family dinner thing after,
so I figure I'll just stay at my dad's.
So, I'm alone tonight?
I'll make it up to you.
- I'll miss you.
- MIGUEL: I'll miss you, too.
[SIGHS]
Do we definitely like her?
Yes
Yes, we do.
♪
Fiona?
[MOANING]
What the fuck are you doing here?!
ORSON: [SIGHS] Bro,
I know this hurts right now,
but in the long run,
it's only gonna make you stronger.
I thought his brother had a band thing.
No? [CHUCKLES]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
[UPBEAT, INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
You're not the boy who didn't
belong in the schoolyard world ♪
You don't get pushed around
anymore and you never wiiill ♪
No more Mr. Nice Guy ♪
Gotta be tough in
this cruel, hard world ♪
And you're not gonna cry the
next time you watch Notting Hill ♪
It's time to wake up,
boy, put your armor on ♪
That pathetic little pussy
with the ring is gooone ♪
You're a tiger, ♪
let me hear you roooar ♪
You're a shark, ♪
hunting in the
shallows by the shooore ♪
Let me see your claws,
let me see your teeth ♪
Let your fin emerge
from the depths beneath ♪
Let me see you stalk
your prey in the daaark ♪
Like a tiger, or a shark ♪
Or a tiger shaaark ♪
I'm not the bullied brown
boy in his all-white school ♪
I'm not the kid who felt too
white when he moved to Queens ♪
Goodbye, Mr. Piano Tie, 'cause
ya thought Billy Joel was cool ♪
You're a man who will become ♪
A man of meeeans ♪
You're an alpha dog,
you're the fighting champ ♪
Not the kid who kept
cryin' at computer caaamp ♪
For someone soft and sensitive,
this world is less than fair ♪
You gotta pay to play,
ya gotta make your way ♪
Like Jane fuckin' Eyre ♪
[GAME BOY BEEPING]
- Please.
- Oh, my God.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
♪
Think the dad's still in the picture?
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
♪
- I'm a tiger ♪
- Tiger ♪
- Let me hear you roar ♪
- Hear me roar ♪
- You're a shark ♪
- Oh yeah ♪
BOTH: More ancient than a dinosaur ♪
- Flash your cool ID ♪
- In my corporate suit ♪
And use your electromagnetic snoot ♪
BOTH: To make a ton of dough ♪
Then, bro, just waaait ♪
BOTH: A female tiger shaaark ♪
Might wanna mate ♪
With you
Just to clarify.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Oh, oh. [MUTTERING] No, no, no.
- Okay, come on, come on.
- Come on, come on, you can do
[INDISTINCT MUMBLING]
- Morning, gentlemen.
- Join us, join us.
Here we go.
Okay, you can do it.
- Come on. Come on, here we go.
- Keep walkin', keep walkin'.
That's it, dumb-dumb!
[BOTH CHEERING, LAUGHING]
Houston, we have a moron.
New conference room.
It's causing mass injuries.
I could do this all day.
Well, I hate to interrupt,
but I have a pretty big update
on that project we've been discussing.
You didn't fuckin' do it, did you?
I knew he couldn't fuckin' do it.
Well
As a matter of fact
Bypass that.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
- Jimmy fucking did it!
- Ah yeah!
Jimmy likes it like that.
Ay caramba.
- What are you doing?
- Dude, what are you doing to him?
What?
[SERIOUSLY] Nothing. Stop.
- [PHONES RINGING]
- How did you figure this out?
He used a point-to-point
tunneling protocol,
which is a very complicated
and very difficult thing to do
because he's a genius.
Tell 'em your SAT score.
1570 and it should've been a 1600,
but they had those
two ridiculous analogies.
I just messed around for a while.
- We are taking you out to celebrate.
- Yes.
What are we celebrating, fellas?
Jimmy took down the porn firewall.
Today is like our very
own Independence Day.
Heck yeah!
- You're not invited, Chris!
- Sounds good!
[CHRIS CHUCKLES]
- Oh! I see nipple.
- Ooh!
[CHUCKLES]
KEVIN: You think you're
gonna have a job on January 1st?
[SCOFFS] There's not even
gonna be banks after Y2K.
There's not even gonna be money.
We're talkin' total so [BURPS]
Sosial breakdown, man.
KEVIN: Almost nothing will survive.
Tell them about the patch.
Wait until they hear this.
You know, there's actually
a pretty simple way to patch
the code in most legacy systems
They're gonna lose
their minds. Look at 'em.
and that way, you basically
avoid the Y2K problem altogether.
Who's my smart, smart, smart,
smart, smart, smart, smart, smart ♪
Loving, kind, and thoughtful baby ♪
Who's my smart, smart, smart,
smart, smart, smart, smart, smart ♪
- Yeah, I don't think so, um.
- Mm-mm, no.
I looked into it
There's no solve. We're fucked.
Yeah, no, that's probably right, yeah.
Why'd you wanna get into banking?
I wanna make enough
money to buy a BMW M-Series
and a penthouse in the Corinthian.
- Ah, now we're talking.
- Ah yeah.
P-house at the Corinth.
KEVIN: You know, you're
never gonna make that
kind of money as an analyst.
No, once you're made associate, though.
Yeah, but promotions aren't
until year three. At least.
Right, so
What if I wanna get there faster?
All right, you wanna
make associate tomorrow?
- Bring in your own business.
- CHAD: Mm.
Prove you can be an earner.
You don't kill you don't eat.
Yeah, okay, so, how do
I find my own business?
From my experience, you either ask
your friends' dads
or your dad's friends.
KEVIN: All right, but, God,
please, no more talk about work.
Boys
- who's it gonna be?
- CHAD: Mm.
Your bang buddy.
Oh.
Always a tough decision, right?
How do you guys decide?
- Tightest shirt.
- Tightest pants.
[LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING]
[INHALES, EXHALES]
Nice pants.
Thanks. They're new.
Oh, no, he, he died a few
weeks later from the infect
[LAUGHING]
I'm sorry.
- I, I don't know why I'm It's
- I don't either.
- It is not funny. It is horrible.
- It's, um No, it's really not.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
- It's terrible.
RENEE: You think you're smooth
right now, whippin' out the toe story?
No one likes the toe story.
Okay, n Stop it. Hey, listen to me.
Not the girl who made
fun of you so badly,
you spent high school eating
lunch huddled on a toilet seat.
Okay? I'm the guy that
fucked your girlfriend. I know.
RENEE: She doesn't like you.
She just thinks you're rich.
There's nothing wrong with you.
You're my special little man,
and don't you forget it.
You shouldn't be here.
Security! We have an intruder!
And let me tell ya, oh, we did it
in every conceivable position.
ALL: You don't belong in Manhattan ♪
You don't belong in Queens ♪
You don't belong
in a three-piece suit ♪
Or in your cheap-ass jeans ♪
You're always pretendin',
always tryna blend in ♪
Anywhere you go is wrong ♪
'Cause you don't belong,
you don't belong ♪
You don't belong,
you don't belon-guh ♪
LINDSAY: Where'd you go?
Oh, no, I was just
nowhere.
You don't have to listen to them
You know?
Listen to who?
All the
Noise in your head.
I've started to realize,
recently, it's not always the truth.
Never mind, sorry. Don't listen to me.
I, I don't know what I'm saying.
I'm just Just ignore me.
ALL: You don't belong in Manhattan ♪
- Who's my smart ♪
- I'm really drunk.
- You're a tiger ♪
- LINDSAY: I'm so sorry.
Sure, yeah.
[ALL SINGING SIMULTANEOUSLY]
Actually
I'm not drunk at all.
And, and I am trying to apologize less
and say what I want more.
And
right now, what I really
want is to kiss you.
So
Would that be okay?
Yes.
That would be
Yeah.
[LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[INAUDIBLE]
[HEART BEATING]
LINDSAY: Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry, um.
[CRYING] Shit.
I have to go.
I'm sorry.
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
Hey.
You're home late.
Did the real bankers finally
let you go out with them?
[TV PLAYING]
I am a real banker, actually.
[LAUGHS]
Show your brother some respect.
- [BURPS]
- Hey.
[DIEGO CHUCKLING]
[DOG PANTING]
[SIGHS]
[DOG WHIMPERS]
Come on. Yogurt.
You're a tiger shaaark ♪
I'm not angry.
I'm just really fuckin' disappointed.
[ORSON SIGHS]
[PHONES RINGING]
I'm just so proud of you, sweetheart.
You are doing the right thing.
A nice girl always says she's sorry,
- whether it's her fault or not.
- Well,
I-I didn't come here to say I'm sorry.
I didn't do anything wrong.
Aside from mangling his man parts
until he quite literally wept.
I'm just here to make sure he's okay.
That's it.
[EXHALES]
Random Lindsay?
Uh, I was looking for Jimmy.
Uh-huh You two bang or what?
- Jimmy, Jimmy.
- MIGUEL: Yeah.
Hey, buddy, you have a visitor.
You know, for some reason,
she thought my office was your office.
Gonna have to give me the
scoop on that one later, bruh.
What's up?
"What's up?"
So, you, uh, you told your
friends what happened?
No. No, they saw us leave together.
Hm, so this, this is your office?
Why did I think you
worked down the hall?
Well, I think you'd have to admit,
I never explicitly said
that that office was mine.
Oh, would I?
Would I have to admit that?
He's an analyst. A baby banker.
Sorry, I've been
listening in. I'll, I'll go now.
- Hey, maybe, maybe we should
- LINDSAY: Sor Hang on.
- talk somewhere else?
- Why does this say "Miguel"?
- That's my name.
- Oh.
Nice. Are there any other
lies I should know about or?
All right, look, I don't know
what you thought last night was,
but I'm not really in a
place for a relationship.
A relationship?
You, you think I want a relationship?
Well,
I mean you brought cupcakes.
[LAUGHS] Yeah, 'cause I was concerned.
You ran out of the office last
night with your pants off, sobbing.
- Okay
- KEVIN: Wait, what did you just say?
Uh, sorry, I really am gonna leave now.
All right, let's definitely
talk somewhere else.
- The kitchen is right
- Wanna know the worst part about it?
I, actually, had an orgasm.
Yeah, my first orgasm that
I've ever had with anyone else.
And I have been so screwed
up in my head wondering,
"Oh, did I have it even
though he was crying,
"or did I have it
because he was crying?"
- Which one was it?
- I don't know!
All I know is that I am sick
and tired of everyone telling me
what I'm supposed to do
and who I'm supposed to be
because I know exactly who I am.
I'm a New Yorker and I
don't give an "s" about "s"!
- [PEOPLE GASPING]
- PERSON: Oh my
Can you make him leave?
It's my cubicle.
I'm only here to make
sure no one is dead
or needs to be rushed to a hospital.
You look A-okay to me, random Lindso.
EMT: But you should be
monitored every hour
for the next 12 hours for a concussion.
Do you have family you
can call to come get you?
They live in Vermont.
EMT: A friend?
- Can you tell me what day it is?
- Oh, my God.
- Can you?
- Still Friday.
Just like it was when you
asked me five minutes ago.
Current president?
Still Clinton.
And how do you feel about me?
- Still unfavorably.
- [MIGUEL CHUCKLES]
Yeah, you seem fine.
Okay Thank you so much.
This is good. I'm good. Goodbye.
This is your building?
It is not.
You don't want me to
know which building's yours?
That's correct, yes.
All right, well, why
don't I get your number
and that way I can
give you a call in an hour
and make sure you're okay.
You don't have to do that.
- I have a roommate.
- Well, I'd like to call anyway.
I feel bad.
For being an asshole?
For
Being not entirely forthright
about certain things
which I should have been
Forthright about.
So, for being an asshole?
Sure.
[SIGHS]
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
Still conscious?
Apparently.
That's good
I'll talk to you in an hour.
You know, you don't have to do this
to try to prove you're a good guy.
I think you already know I'm a good guy.
[PHONE RINGING]
Since you refuse to stop calling me,
- can I ask you something?
- Okay.
LINDSAY: Why do your
friends call you Jimmy?
Um
My last name is Jimenez,
but the guys at work all think
it's pronounced Gym-en-ez,
and it all just started from there.
And that doesn't bother you?
No. It's just a nickname.
Okay.
Okay? I'll, um
I'll talk to you in an hour.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hey, uh, I never really found
out what kind of novels you write.
Well, [SIGHS]
technically, I
haven't written a novel yet,
but I have a lot of ideas for one.
So,
not a big deal,
but when you accused me
of lying about my job,
being a novelist versus being
someone with ideas for a novel,
that's a pretty
A pretty arbitrary distinction
when you think about it, yes.
[PHONE RINGING]
I used to work in video games.
- For a tiny independent studio.
- Why'd you stop?
I grew up.
My whole life, I've always been
The sweet girl the nice girl.
The person who yelled at me
today didn't seem particularly nice.
Thank you for saying that.
I'm savin' up to buy my own place.
Favorite song?
MIGUEL: "Brown Eyed Girl."
Uh, [LAUGHS]
Okay, that was truly embarrassing.
I didn't really love high
school, to be honest.
JORGE [ON EXTENSION]:
Hey, you on the phone?
Yes, please hang up.
JORGE: I'm goin' to bed.
Okay.
Thank you, good night.
JORGE: Love you, Mig.
[JORGE HANGS UP]
Was that your dad?
Did you always wanna be a writer?
I did for a while.
But then I just kinda gave it up.
How come?
I think I always knew I had
something to say,
but I was
just afraid no one wanted to hear it.
That's sad.
Biggest fear?
I guess that I really
am the person that everyone thinks I am.
What about you?
Um
The woods.
[CHUCKLES]
Spooky woods.
Yeah, I hate that.
And not succeeding.
Not succeeding and
people just thinking I'm nothing.
I know what you mean.
[PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING]
You're a decision ♪
You are a game ♪
You're a temptation ♪
I don't know how to name ♪
You are a door ♪
I'm not sure I should walk through ♪
'Cause who am I ♪
And who are you ♪
♪
You're unexpected ♪
You're undefined ♪
What do I want ♪
I'm not used to flying blind ♪
You crack me open ♪
And I am not sure why ♪
Who are you ♪
And who am I ♪
BOTH: You're an illusion ♪
A midnight voice ♪
You are the future or the past ♪
With every choice ♪
I could keep going ♪
But if I dooo ♪
Who am I ♪
And who are you ♪
[PHONE RINGING]
- Hello?
- Hi.
Hi.
Star 69.
Do you wanna maybe
meet up for breakfast?
We could pick a diner
Halfway between us.
I would love to.
BOTH: Who am I ♪
And who are you ♪
What is fiction, what's a lie ♪
And what is truuue ♪
Is this hellooo ♪
Is this goodbyeee ♪
Who are you ♪
And who am I ♪
[JOAN GASPS]
You looove him.
- [GASPS]
- Wait, what?
I put him at a solid 1.9
on my 10-point potential
serial killer index.
[SOFTLY] That's very rare.
You're gonna make a very
beautiful family together.
We're, we're just having breakfast.
He's perfect for you.
He's everything you've ever wanted.
You, you said Ned was perfect.
You, you said Ned was
everything I ever wanted.
Well, that's because we thought
Miguel was a scary, dangerous
banker sort of person.
But he's not
He's broken.
In the best possible way.
He's someone you can take care of.
Someone you can fix.
I came here to fix myself.
But you don't really wanna do that.
That's hard.
Don't okay?
I know exactly what you're gonna say.
- I wasn't gonna say anything.
- Just enjoying the view.
I don't know who raised her,
but this is just plain rude.
Poor Miguel. Always getting stepped on.
ROSIE: You don't need her.
You don't need anyone. I'm here.
Okay, that's fuckin' creepy.
WAITER: Can I take your order now?
Um
Uh, no, let's just give
it a few more minutes.
♪
You never should've
said "Brown Eyed Girl."
[SIGHS]
Well, this is fun.
In all this crazy world ♪
There's one thing I am certain of ♪
For every hour and month
and year that we are here to love ♪
Regardless of how much ♪
We talk, we tell, we touch ♪
No matter what we suffer throoough ♪
I can never know you ♪
I can never know you ♪
[SINGERS HARMONIZING]
["TIGER SHARK" PLAYING]
- MIGUEL: I'm a tiger ♪
- ORSON: Tiger, let me hear you roar ♪
- MIGUEL: Hear me roar ♪
- ORSON: You're a shark ♪
- MIGUEL: Oh yeah ♪
- BOTH: More ancient than a dinosaur ♪
- ORSON: Flash your cool ID ♪
- MIGUEL: In my corporate suit ♪
ORSON: And use your
electromagnetic snoot ♪
BOTH: To make a ton of dough ♪
ORSON: Then, bro, just waaait ♪
BOTH: A female tiger shaaark ♪
Might wanna mate ♪
[LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING]
First video game you ever
masturbated to. On three.
- No.
- Yes, dude.
- One, two
- No, Steph, I'm not doin' this.
three.
Tetris or Donkey Kong, Jr.
It happened on the same day,
don't remember which was first, and
I don't care that you didn't answer.
- MIGUEL: Great.
- [KNOCKS ON DOOR]
Hey, uh, the programmers are asking
when you'll have the new
concept drawings ready
for Cyprian's apprentice.
Um, Tuesday, probably.
Um, I forgot to tell you, I
It's my brother's band recital tonight.
And we're doin' this whole
family dinner thing after,
so I figure I'll just stay at my dad's.
So, I'm alone tonight?
I'll make it up to you.
- I'll miss you.
- MIGUEL: I'll miss you, too.
[SIGHS]
Do we definitely like her?
Yes
Yes, we do.
♪
Fiona?
[MOANING]
What the fuck are you doing here?!
ORSON: [SIGHS] Bro,
I know this hurts right now,
but in the long run,
it's only gonna make you stronger.
I thought his brother had a band thing.
No? [CHUCKLES]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
[UPBEAT, INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
You're not the boy who didn't
belong in the schoolyard world ♪
You don't get pushed around
anymore and you never wiiill ♪
No more Mr. Nice Guy ♪
Gotta be tough in
this cruel, hard world ♪
And you're not gonna cry the
next time you watch Notting Hill ♪
It's time to wake up,
boy, put your armor on ♪
That pathetic little pussy
with the ring is gooone ♪
You're a tiger, ♪
let me hear you roooar ♪
You're a shark, ♪
hunting in the
shallows by the shooore ♪
Let me see your claws,
let me see your teeth ♪
Let your fin emerge
from the depths beneath ♪
Let me see you stalk
your prey in the daaark ♪
Like a tiger, or a shark ♪
Or a tiger shaaark ♪
I'm not the bullied brown
boy in his all-white school ♪
I'm not the kid who felt too
white when he moved to Queens ♪
Goodbye, Mr. Piano Tie, 'cause
ya thought Billy Joel was cool ♪
You're a man who will become ♪
A man of meeeans ♪
You're an alpha dog,
you're the fighting champ ♪
Not the kid who kept
cryin' at computer caaamp ♪
For someone soft and sensitive,
this world is less than fair ♪
You gotta pay to play,
ya gotta make your way ♪
Like Jane fuckin' Eyre ♪
[GAME BOY BEEPING]
- Please.
- Oh, my God.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
♪
Think the dad's still in the picture?
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
♪
- I'm a tiger ♪
- Tiger ♪
- Let me hear you roar ♪
- Hear me roar ♪
- You're a shark ♪
- Oh yeah ♪
BOTH: More ancient than a dinosaur ♪
- Flash your cool ID ♪
- In my corporate suit ♪
And use your electromagnetic snoot ♪
BOTH: To make a ton of dough ♪
Then, bro, just waaait ♪
BOTH: A female tiger shaaark ♪
Might wanna mate ♪
With you
Just to clarify.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Oh, oh. [MUTTERING] No, no, no.
- Okay, come on, come on.
- Come on, come on, you can do
[INDISTINCT MUMBLING]
- Morning, gentlemen.
- Join us, join us.
Here we go.
Okay, you can do it.
- Come on. Come on, here we go.
- Keep walkin', keep walkin'.
That's it, dumb-dumb!
[BOTH CHEERING, LAUGHING]
Houston, we have a moron.
New conference room.
It's causing mass injuries.
I could do this all day.
Well, I hate to interrupt,
but I have a pretty big update
on that project we've been discussing.
You didn't fuckin' do it, did you?
I knew he couldn't fuckin' do it.
Well
As a matter of fact
Bypass that.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
- Jimmy fucking did it!
- Ah yeah!
Jimmy likes it like that.
Ay caramba.
- What are you doing?
- Dude, what are you doing to him?
What?
[SERIOUSLY] Nothing. Stop.
- [PHONES RINGING]
- How did you figure this out?
He used a point-to-point
tunneling protocol,
which is a very complicated
and very difficult thing to do
because he's a genius.
Tell 'em your SAT score.
1570 and it should've been a 1600,
but they had those
two ridiculous analogies.
I just messed around for a while.
- We are taking you out to celebrate.
- Yes.
What are we celebrating, fellas?
Jimmy took down the porn firewall.
Today is like our very
own Independence Day.
Heck yeah!
- You're not invited, Chris!
- Sounds good!
[CHRIS CHUCKLES]
- Oh! I see nipple.
- Ooh!
[CHUCKLES]
KEVIN: You think you're
gonna have a job on January 1st?
[SCOFFS] There's not even
gonna be banks after Y2K.
There's not even gonna be money.
We're talkin' total so [BURPS]
Sosial breakdown, man.
KEVIN: Almost nothing will survive.
Tell them about the patch.
Wait until they hear this.
You know, there's actually
a pretty simple way to patch
the code in most legacy systems
They're gonna lose
their minds. Look at 'em.
and that way, you basically
avoid the Y2K problem altogether.
Who's my smart, smart, smart,
smart, smart, smart, smart, smart ♪
Loving, kind, and thoughtful baby ♪
Who's my smart, smart, smart,
smart, smart, smart, smart, smart ♪
- Yeah, I don't think so, um.
- Mm-mm, no.
I looked into it
There's no solve. We're fucked.
Yeah, no, that's probably right, yeah.
Why'd you wanna get into banking?
I wanna make enough
money to buy a BMW M-Series
and a penthouse in the Corinthian.
- Ah, now we're talking.
- Ah yeah.
P-house at the Corinth.
KEVIN: You know, you're
never gonna make that
kind of money as an analyst.
No, once you're made associate, though.
Yeah, but promotions aren't
until year three. At least.
Right, so
What if I wanna get there faster?
All right, you wanna
make associate tomorrow?
- Bring in your own business.
- CHAD: Mm.
Prove you can be an earner.
You don't kill you don't eat.
Yeah, okay, so, how do
I find my own business?
From my experience, you either ask
your friends' dads
or your dad's friends.
KEVIN: All right, but, God,
please, no more talk about work.
Boys
- who's it gonna be?
- CHAD: Mm.
Your bang buddy.
Oh.
Always a tough decision, right?
How do you guys decide?
- Tightest shirt.
- Tightest pants.
[LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING]
[INHALES, EXHALES]
Nice pants.
Thanks. They're new.
Oh, no, he, he died a few
weeks later from the infect
[LAUGHING]
I'm sorry.
- I, I don't know why I'm It's
- I don't either.
- It is not funny. It is horrible.
- It's, um No, it's really not.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
- It's terrible.
RENEE: You think you're smooth
right now, whippin' out the toe story?
No one likes the toe story.
Okay, n Stop it. Hey, listen to me.
Not the girl who made
fun of you so badly,
you spent high school eating
lunch huddled on a toilet seat.
Okay? I'm the guy that
fucked your girlfriend. I know.
RENEE: She doesn't like you.
She just thinks you're rich.
There's nothing wrong with you.
You're my special little man,
and don't you forget it.
You shouldn't be here.
Security! We have an intruder!
And let me tell ya, oh, we did it
in every conceivable position.
ALL: You don't belong in Manhattan ♪
You don't belong in Queens ♪
You don't belong
in a three-piece suit ♪
Or in your cheap-ass jeans ♪
You're always pretendin',
always tryna blend in ♪
Anywhere you go is wrong ♪
'Cause you don't belong,
you don't belong ♪
You don't belong,
you don't belon-guh ♪
LINDSAY: Where'd you go?
Oh, no, I was just
nowhere.
You don't have to listen to them
You know?
Listen to who?
All the
Noise in your head.
I've started to realize,
recently, it's not always the truth.
Never mind, sorry. Don't listen to me.
I, I don't know what I'm saying.
I'm just Just ignore me.
ALL: You don't belong in Manhattan ♪
- Who's my smart ♪
- I'm really drunk.
- You're a tiger ♪
- LINDSAY: I'm so sorry.
Sure, yeah.
[ALL SINGING SIMULTANEOUSLY]
Actually
I'm not drunk at all.
And, and I am trying to apologize less
and say what I want more.
And
right now, what I really
want is to kiss you.
So
Would that be okay?
Yes.
That would be
Yeah.
[LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[INAUDIBLE]
[HEART BEATING]
LINDSAY: Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry, um.
[CRYING] Shit.
I have to go.
I'm sorry.
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
Hey.
You're home late.
Did the real bankers finally
let you go out with them?
[TV PLAYING]
I am a real banker, actually.
[LAUGHS]
Show your brother some respect.
- [BURPS]
- Hey.
[DIEGO CHUCKLING]
[DOG PANTING]
[SIGHS]
[DOG WHIMPERS]
Come on. Yogurt.
You're a tiger shaaark ♪
I'm not angry.
I'm just really fuckin' disappointed.
[ORSON SIGHS]
[PHONES RINGING]
I'm just so proud of you, sweetheart.
You are doing the right thing.
A nice girl always says she's sorry,
- whether it's her fault or not.
- Well,
I-I didn't come here to say I'm sorry.
I didn't do anything wrong.
Aside from mangling his man parts
until he quite literally wept.
I'm just here to make sure he's okay.
That's it.
[EXHALES]
Random Lindsay?
Uh, I was looking for Jimmy.
Uh-huh You two bang or what?
- Jimmy, Jimmy.
- MIGUEL: Yeah.
Hey, buddy, you have a visitor.
You know, for some reason,
she thought my office was your office.
Gonna have to give me the
scoop on that one later, bruh.
What's up?
"What's up?"
So, you, uh, you told your
friends what happened?
No. No, they saw us leave together.
Hm, so this, this is your office?
Why did I think you
worked down the hall?
Well, I think you'd have to admit,
I never explicitly said
that that office was mine.
Oh, would I?
Would I have to admit that?
He's an analyst. A baby banker.
Sorry, I've been
listening in. I'll, I'll go now.
- Hey, maybe, maybe we should
- LINDSAY: Sor Hang on.
- talk somewhere else?
- Why does this say "Miguel"?
- That's my name.
- Oh.
Nice. Are there any other
lies I should know about or?
All right, look, I don't know
what you thought last night was,
but I'm not really in a
place for a relationship.
A relationship?
You, you think I want a relationship?
Well,
I mean you brought cupcakes.
[LAUGHS] Yeah, 'cause I was concerned.
You ran out of the office last
night with your pants off, sobbing.
- Okay
- KEVIN: Wait, what did you just say?
Uh, sorry, I really am gonna leave now.
All right, let's definitely
talk somewhere else.
- The kitchen is right
- Wanna know the worst part about it?
I, actually, had an orgasm.
Yeah, my first orgasm that
I've ever had with anyone else.
And I have been so screwed
up in my head wondering,
"Oh, did I have it even
though he was crying,
"or did I have it
because he was crying?"
- Which one was it?
- I don't know!
All I know is that I am sick
and tired of everyone telling me
what I'm supposed to do
and who I'm supposed to be
because I know exactly who I am.
I'm a New Yorker and I
don't give an "s" about "s"!
- [PEOPLE GASPING]
- PERSON: Oh my
Can you make him leave?
It's my cubicle.
I'm only here to make
sure no one is dead
or needs to be rushed to a hospital.
You look A-okay to me, random Lindso.
EMT: But you should be
monitored every hour
for the next 12 hours for a concussion.
Do you have family you
can call to come get you?
They live in Vermont.
EMT: A friend?
- Can you tell me what day it is?
- Oh, my God.
- Can you?
- Still Friday.
Just like it was when you
asked me five minutes ago.
Current president?
Still Clinton.
And how do you feel about me?
- Still unfavorably.
- [MIGUEL CHUCKLES]
Yeah, you seem fine.
Okay Thank you so much.
This is good. I'm good. Goodbye.
This is your building?
It is not.
You don't want me to
know which building's yours?
That's correct, yes.
All right, well, why
don't I get your number
and that way I can
give you a call in an hour
and make sure you're okay.
You don't have to do that.
- I have a roommate.
- Well, I'd like to call anyway.
I feel bad.
For being an asshole?
For
Being not entirely forthright
about certain things
which I should have been
Forthright about.
So, for being an asshole?
Sure.
[SIGHS]
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
Still conscious?
Apparently.
That's good
I'll talk to you in an hour.
You know, you don't have to do this
to try to prove you're a good guy.
I think you already know I'm a good guy.
[PHONE RINGING]
Since you refuse to stop calling me,
- can I ask you something?
- Okay.
LINDSAY: Why do your
friends call you Jimmy?
Um
My last name is Jimenez,
but the guys at work all think
it's pronounced Gym-en-ez,
and it all just started from there.
And that doesn't bother you?
No. It's just a nickname.
Okay.
Okay? I'll, um
I'll talk to you in an hour.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hey, uh, I never really found
out what kind of novels you write.
Well, [SIGHS]
technically, I
haven't written a novel yet,
but I have a lot of ideas for one.
So,
not a big deal,
but when you accused me
of lying about my job,
being a novelist versus being
someone with ideas for a novel,
that's a pretty
A pretty arbitrary distinction
when you think about it, yes.
[PHONE RINGING]
I used to work in video games.
- For a tiny independent studio.
- Why'd you stop?
I grew up.
My whole life, I've always been
The sweet girl the nice girl.
The person who yelled at me
today didn't seem particularly nice.
Thank you for saying that.
I'm savin' up to buy my own place.
Favorite song?
MIGUEL: "Brown Eyed Girl."
Uh, [LAUGHS]
Okay, that was truly embarrassing.
I didn't really love high
school, to be honest.
JORGE [ON EXTENSION]:
Hey, you on the phone?
Yes, please hang up.
JORGE: I'm goin' to bed.
Okay.
Thank you, good night.
JORGE: Love you, Mig.
[JORGE HANGS UP]
Was that your dad?
Did you always wanna be a writer?
I did for a while.
But then I just kinda gave it up.
How come?
I think I always knew I had
something to say,
but I was
just afraid no one wanted to hear it.
That's sad.
Biggest fear?
I guess that I really
am the person that everyone thinks I am.
What about you?
Um
The woods.
[CHUCKLES]
Spooky woods.
Yeah, I hate that.
And not succeeding.
Not succeeding and
people just thinking I'm nothing.
I know what you mean.
[PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING]
You're a decision ♪
You are a game ♪
You're a temptation ♪
I don't know how to name ♪
You are a door ♪
I'm not sure I should walk through ♪
'Cause who am I ♪
And who are you ♪
♪
You're unexpected ♪
You're undefined ♪
What do I want ♪
I'm not used to flying blind ♪
You crack me open ♪
And I am not sure why ♪
Who are you ♪
And who am I ♪
BOTH: You're an illusion ♪
A midnight voice ♪
You are the future or the past ♪
With every choice ♪
I could keep going ♪
But if I dooo ♪
Who am I ♪
And who are you ♪
[PHONE RINGING]
- Hello?
- Hi.
Hi.
Star 69.
Do you wanna maybe
meet up for breakfast?
We could pick a diner
Halfway between us.
I would love to.
BOTH: Who am I ♪
And who are you ♪
What is fiction, what's a lie ♪
And what is truuue ♪
Is this hellooo ♪
Is this goodbyeee ♪
Who are you ♪
And who am I ♪
[JOAN GASPS]
You looove him.
- [GASPS]
- Wait, what?
I put him at a solid 1.9
on my 10-point potential
serial killer index.
[SOFTLY] That's very rare.
You're gonna make a very
beautiful family together.
We're, we're just having breakfast.
He's perfect for you.
He's everything you've ever wanted.
You, you said Ned was perfect.
You, you said Ned was
everything I ever wanted.
Well, that's because we thought
Miguel was a scary, dangerous
banker sort of person.
But he's not
He's broken.
In the best possible way.
He's someone you can take care of.
Someone you can fix.
I came here to fix myself.
But you don't really wanna do that.
That's hard.
Don't okay?
I know exactly what you're gonna say.
- I wasn't gonna say anything.
- Just enjoying the view.
I don't know who raised her,
but this is just plain rude.
Poor Miguel. Always getting stepped on.
ROSIE: You don't need her.
You don't need anyone. I'm here.
Okay, that's fuckin' creepy.
WAITER: Can I take your order now?
Um
Uh, no, let's just give
it a few more minutes.
♪
You never should've
said "Brown Eyed Girl."
[SIGHS]
Well, this is fun.
In all this crazy world ♪
There's one thing I am certain of ♪
For every hour and month
and year that we are here to love ♪
Regardless of how much ♪
We talk, we tell, we touch ♪
No matter what we suffer throoough ♪
I can never know you ♪
I can never know you ♪
[SINGERS HARMONIZING]
["TIGER SHARK" PLAYING]
- MIGUEL: I'm a tiger ♪
- ORSON: Tiger, let me hear you roar ♪
- MIGUEL: Hear me roar ♪
- ORSON: You're a shark ♪
- MIGUEL: Oh yeah ♪
- BOTH: More ancient than a dinosaur ♪
- ORSON: Flash your cool ID ♪
- MIGUEL: In my corporate suit ♪
ORSON: And use your
electromagnetic snoot ♪
BOTH: To make a ton of dough ♪
ORSON: Then, bro, just waaait ♪
BOTH: A female tiger shaaark ♪
Might wanna mate ♪