Wander Over Yonder (2013) s01e02 Episode Script

1 1x02a - "The Picnic" You're too late, emperor awesome! The universe will soon be mine! Yeah, right, bro.
I'm takin' you all the way down to awesome town.
Fire breath! You fool! Don't you see, once a millennium, the planets of this galaxy align over this very spot! And today, the one most worthy to stand here is none other than I, Lord Hater, is that you? It's me Wander! Are you here to watch the planets align, too? Look! I even packed a picnic! Soon, at the precise moment of the cosmic conjunction Hater! You remember me, right? At the precise moment of the cosmic conjunction, a celestial star being of infinite power shall come forth! I travel the galaxy, I'm about this tall, wear a hat, and sometimes I make this face.
or this one or this or sometimes if I'm feeling really crazy Star being of infinite power, come forth and grant whoever stands here a single wish! And my wish will be to control the entire uni You're probably wonderin' where by best pal Sylvia is, huh? No! Star being no, I said that already! Oh, where was I?! She wanted to come, but she had to go to the bathroom.
Bornax only go once every, like, five months.
Crazy, huh?! She told me it takes a while and it's kind of embarrassing, And so she doesn't want everybody knowing about it.
So she said, "Wander, don't go blabbin' like you always do.
" Oh.
I don't care! Where? I don't know where she's going to the bathroom.
Around here somewhere.
Why do you wanna know? Weird.
It's okay, though, 'cause I promised her I'd take pictures! Smile! Dude, text me that photo! Anywhoser, I'm gonna get out of your hair and go find a good watchin' spot! Later, Hater! Sir? Sir! Siiiiir! I'm comin' for ya, Hatey.
Fish fighters, battle mix track 17! Pump it! Let's get awesome Peepers, flaming skulls! Now! Already loaded, sir.
let's get awesome - Excellent! - Now, sir, the trajectory is locked.
So you need to hit the trigger exactly when awesome's troops - reach the bottom of the - Peepers, are you telling me what to do?! Of course not, sir! Carry on.
Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! - Ten - Oh, yeah! - Nine - Uh, uh, uh-uh.
Eight Whoa whoa whoa Here we go, picnic time! Hmm.
Latch.
Oh, will you come on, just undo the latch.
No, not the what's he doing? It is so obvious.
- Sir! - Huh? let's get awesome Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one! Go! awesome, awesome Brick! Tail, tail, and laser! Wander: Oh, the latch! Silly me! - Seriously?! - Sir, don't worry! We still have defense protocol epsilon XO973 tesseract! Let's dance, fish man! Bro, do you even know how hard I slam? Dinosaur charge! I can't believe Sylvia's missing this.
Well, that is just awful! I almost ate without offering to share.
Noogie, noogie, noogie! Hey there, Mr.
Robot Man! You want a sandwich? They're really good! He ain't lyin'.
It's light yet filling! I know, right? Come on! I only have turkey left, but I'll let you pick! Mustard or mayo? Mustard or mayo? Mustard or mayo? Mustard or mayo? Mustard or mayo? Mustard or mayo? I don't want a sandwich! - Booyah! - awesome, awesome I'll just leave this here in case you change your mind.
It's the mustard.
Peepers: Sir! Sir! Siiiiir! - What?! - That! And that! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! I'm comin' for ya, baby! Got force field? Booyah! Bro, seriously, can we wrap this up? I have a tanning session in, like, 15.
The cosmic conjunction is at hand! Soon the celestial being will grant me my wish! And the universe will be mi Wander: Me oh my! Hater, you found the perfect spot to watch the planets align! We're gonna have front row seats! - Get out of here! - Okey-doke.
Bonk! Sorry, Hater, I would if I could, but there seems to be some kind of force field.
Sorry, I cannot give you any popcorn.
There is a force field.
- Here you go.
- Get back here! Slow down! I just wanna destroy you! Sorry, Lord Hater.
Did you want the mayo? You know what, Hater? I was wrong! This is the perfect watchin' spot! You can see everything from up here! The pyramid, the planets, that short guy about to receive some sort of ultimate cosmic power.
Huh?! Uh, uh, oh, yeah! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Okay, go, but I still think this is the best watchin' spot.
No! No! No! No! No! Yes! Yes! Yes! You lose, Hatey! - The universe is - No! Yeah! Lord Hater! Number one super star! Ruler of the entire universe! Hey there.
So, uh, I'll be the one granting your wish today.
Okay? Yes! I wish Wander: You know, Hater, when you're right, you're right.
Best spot ever! Ow! My eye! So this wish, is this a thing you're still wanting or no? Yes! Of course! I wish Look at that guy! He is just out of this world! Literally.
- I wish - Okay, now me and you.
- Now I wish - Now for this next one, make your silly face! You always have to take a silly one! I wish you would leave me alone for five seconds! Yeah, okay, I can swing that.
Huh?! No, no, I mean that is not what I meant! Do over! Do over! Sorry, uh, maybe next millennium.
Three, two, one.
'cause a silly photo shows you're havin' fun, and you always want to remember how much fun you had on a day like today.
Don't ya, Hater? That one's a keeper.
Lord, almighty.
Sure are some fancy bathrooms they got here.
- So what'd I miss? - Well 1x02b - "The Fugitives" Good grop! This place is crawling with watch dogs.
We're going to have to find a sneaky way out of here.
And fast! Let me tidy these up for ya! Wouldn't want you looking like a slob.
Wander, we are wanted fugitives, we've got to lay low! Well, I don't want to lay low.
When I see someone who's a-needing, I just gotta help.
It gives me this feeling that starts down in my left toe, rises up through my gutty works, makes my heart all warm and toasty, floats up past the dangly thing in my mouth - Uvula.
- And ends at the top of my head! It just feels so good.
Phew! Listen, I know helping folks is our thing, but unless you want to help yourself into Lord Hater's boney hands, You gotta measure just how important each good deed is.
Keeping yourself and your buddy out of an evil warlord's prison? High.
Helping some guy tie his shoe? Low.
Way low.
There they are! You see that ship? Sylvia: I'm gonna sneak over there and hotwire it.
And when I give the signal you come running, and doo! We will blast off of this rock to safety.
Now, just stay here and don't call attention to yourself.
This place is crawling with watch dogs.
Got it? - Yessum.
- Good.
Ah, wait! Flab crabbin' hamp spangler! A rock? You blew our escape for a rock? Excuse me, ma'am? You dropped this.
I can't believe you botched our escape - for something as unimportant as - My baby! - Baby? - Baby! Oh, thank you.
Thank you! You're so welcome! Okay, new plan.
All we gotta do is find an interdimension interdimension There! Sylvia: Interdimensional door.
Out of my way! Wanted fugitives coming through.
Move it, move it, move it! Watch dogs? Ha! They should call them watch-us- escape dogs, huh, Wander? I love holding hands.
Wait! Stop! Outta my way! This is a matter of life and death.
Got it! Phew! Really? Really? You ruined another perfect getaway for Ahh! Oh, my stars.
I could have been killed! My dear boy, I owe you my life.
How can I ever thank you? Phew! All right, new, new plan.
- Wanna play dress up? - When don't I? Go! Now, Wander, it's really important that you stick to the plan.
You've got to pretend to be my butt long enough for us to escape.
This is serious.
Sylvia : Hang on! Here we go! Whoo-hoo! See ya later, suckers! Who looks stupid now? Stand back.
Nothing to see here.
Everything is under control.
Gentlemans, please.
Might I propose a proposition to your perplexing and ponderous peanut problem? There.
And now you got Both: Peace! - Brothers and sisters, drop your weapons.
- The war is over! Peace! Peace! Excuse me, your tinyness, may I borrow your national treasure for a just a moment? Thanks.
You rescued a baby.
You saved a man's life.
You stopped a 1,000-year war.
I get it, - you're a helpful guy.
- Oh! Sylvia.
You're making me blush.
But you are going to helpful us to death.
Please, no more helping! And if you must help someone, then help me help us to get out of here.
You're right.
I totally get it.
From now on, no more helping.
Finally.
Thank you.
So, here is the new, new, new, new, and may I add, last, plan.
- Ugh! This plan - Stinks.
I know.
But it's the best we've got.
Sylvia: Okay, so this sewage pipe leads to that garbage barge, which will be leaving the planet in precisely three minutes.
And we'd better be on it when it does.
- Got it? - No helping.
Okay: One, two, three They could be anywhere, sir.
It would be helpful if we had some idea of how to find them.
Helpful! That's it.
Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! - Help! - Help! - Help! - Help! That's better.
Here, you dropped this.
What? Wait! Sylvia! Sylvia! Sylvia Boy, apprehending you is really gonna help my standing with Lord Hater.
So, thanks! Well, I love to help.
It's a feeling that starts down in my left toe, rises up through my gutty works, makes my heart all warm and toasty, floats up past the dangly thing in my mouth - Uvula.
- and ends up at the top of my What's that smell? Sylvia, I'm so happy you came back.
I hardly noticed that you smell like spoiled fish, rotten eggs, and moldy sneakers.
Well, while I was slushing though that pipe, I got to thinking.
Help myself escape? Or help my best friend.
Sylvia, you're glowing.
This? I think that's from the radioactive sewage.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Now March! So, what's the new, new, new, new, new plan? Aside from taking a bath, I kinda don't have one.
Oh, god! - Yay! - Yay! Hmm? - What just happened? - See? That's the other nice thing about helpin' folks.
Sometimes they help you right back.
But between you and me, this is the dirtiest clean get-away we've ever made.
Maybe we should help tidy up!