Was It Something I Said? (2013) s01e02 Episode Script
Episode 2
1
This programme contains strong
language.
APPLAUSE
Hello, and welcome to
Was It Something I Said?
The panel show that celebrates
the world of quotations.
And you can quote me on that.
German philosopher
Friedrich Nietzsche once said:
By which reckoning,
I have lost 13,941 days
out of a possible 13,948.
On Richard Ayoade's team
is comedian Ed Byrne,
and with Micky Flanagan tonight
is sports broadcaster Gabby Logan.
APPLAUSE
Here to read out our quotations
is someone who once said that:
Well, that's after being skint
and having Ebola.
Please welcome actor, and star
of Quadrophenia, Phil Daniels.
APPLAUSE
Gabby, what's your
favourite quotation?
One has just sprung to mind,
actually, which is
subliminally quite a feminist
quote by Ginger Rogers,
who said, "Women do
everything that men do,
"except backwards in high heels,"
referring to dancing, of course.
And, actually, I think,
without getting too deep,
that's kind of life, isn't it?
Women do everything that men do
but backwards in high heels.
Come on, ladies! Yes!
They don't go on about it, do they?
That's what I like about women.
They never go on about how much
they do. They keep it inside.
They just soldier on.
Do you think the fact that
they keep doing everything
backwards, in high heels,
is why they don't get paid
as much as men?
I'm just saying. Some things
are supposed to be done forwards.
It's very rare that someone says,
as a compliment,
that your boss would say,
"You've done this all backwards."
- What about moonwalking?
- Can you moonwalk in high heels?
I think if you've made
your sales, yes.
Well, our opening round
is called Threesomes.
Our panellists have to guess
which of three famous people
said a particular quotation.
And you can play along at home by
following @somethingIsaid on Twitter
to unlock some extra clips.
This week's Threesomes theme
is fashion.
Can we have the first
quotation, please, Phil?
"I don't believe in 'fad' clothing.
"There are so many 'fads' in fashion
"and they're here today
and gone tomorrow."
Who said it?
Was it superstar pianist Liberace,
fashion designer Vivienne Westwood,
or TV presenter Noel Edmonds?
Liberace found one fashion.
He found that look
and he never changed it, did he?
He never camped it up
or anything, did he?
He looks like he's got a job
on the shopping channel
and he's sort of saying,
"There is only 15 of these left."
AS LIBERACE:
Send your offers in now.
LAUGHTER
I'm not gay.
LAUGHTER
What are you doing now?
LAUGHTER
- Liberace. - Oh, Liberace!
Oh, yes. Sorry.
Michael Douglas
has got nothing on you.
LAUGHTER
You try doing Liberace.
I've not seen a lot of him,
but he used to go
"Hi, there."
Only an '80s DJ would use
the word "fad", and that's Edmonds.
So, you're sure it's Edmonds?
I don't know. I think
it's Vivienne Westwood.
Do you know what Vivienne Westwood
says about being a fashion designer?
She says, "I didn't want to be
a fashion designer at all.
- "For 15 years, I hated fashion."
- Well, she's fucked up, hasn't she?
LAUGHTER
She's fucked that up royally.
Vivienne Westwood used to have
a shop on the Kings Road
with Malcolm McLaren.
And in 1975
Johnny Rotten auditioned
to be lead singer
of the Sex Pistols there.
Didn't Johnny Rotten also audition
for your role in Quadrophenia, Phil?
- I think he did. - Did he get it?
I think he might have done
but they couldn't insure him.
He didn't get it!
- I think he might have done.
- That would have been mad!
He would have played the role
if they'd got the insurance?
I mean, maybe it's apocryphal,
but I hear that.
How did your audition
for it come up?
I was smoking a joint
in a Zulu mud hut
and I got a phone call saying,
"Come over to England."
Were you actually in a Zulu mud hut,
or was it really good gear
you were smoking?
LAUGHTER
- It was good gear, and I was really
in a Zulu mud hut. - Were you in Zulu?
- No, I was in Zulu Dawn,
the prequel to Zulu. - Wow. - Yes.
We got beat.
Zulus win.
If you'd won against the Zulus
in Zulu Dawn,
they'd have to then re-shoot Zulu
as just a normal day.
- So we need an answer. Who said this?
- ED: I'm thinking Vivienne Westwood.
OK, let's have Vivienne Westwood.
(But I think it's Edmonds.)
And what's your answer?
AS LIBERACE:
We're going for Liberace.
Liberace, Vivienne Westwood.
Well, the answer is
Liberace! Well done.
What problem did Liberace
say he had with his outfits?
They were obviously too heavy,
so did he get some kind of chafing?
I mean, that's one of
the most disgusting contexts
There's no doubt that Liberace
had some sort of chafing.
LAUGHTER
Did he used to get abuse
from white-van drivers,
as they went past, "Liberace!
"Sort your life out!"
I don't think he'd put
himself in a position
where too many white vans
could drive past him.
Unless they're going,
"Why am I in Vegas?
"My delivery's got
a bit awry, innit?"
"Why am I in Vegas - and why
does Liberace walk to work?"
LAUGHTER
Of course, Liberace never came
out of the closet in his lifetime.
I'm not surprised.
He was probably snagged on
a diamond-encrusted jumpsuit.
Phil, can we have our next quotation
on the subject of fashion, please?
"You don't become a fashion icon
without having your own
"very clear view of what is fashion."
It's one of the same three,
it could be Noel Edmonds,
it could be Vivienne Westwood,
it could be Liberace.
Noel Edmonds could
easily have said it,
because Noel Edmonds says ANYTHING
while he's trying to fill time
on Deal Or No Deal.
Any collection of words
you could think to put together,
at some point, they've fallen
out of his beardy pie-hole,
as he's trying to make
opening boxes interesting.
The game is, when you record it,
you've got to just watch it on Sky+
so you don't have to listen
to Noel Edmonds at all,
just get the boxes opening
all the time.
It takes about 40 seconds
to watch the whole show.
LAUGHTER
40 episodes of Deal Or No Deal,
I'm going to watch them in an hour.
It can't be Noel Edmonds,
cos he found a fashion
back about 30 years ago and
he thought, "That's it, I'm done."
- I'm not worrying about that
any more. - That's men.
Men choose a point in their life,
and that's it.
What Richard says is interesting,
cos I know that Micky
was a Fred Perry man in the '80s,
and you had a Harrington jacket.
I did have a Harrington jacket.
And I know that from what
you're wearing tonight.
Thanks.
LAUGHTER
I think it's Edmonds,
because he is
incredibly more deluded
than all of those other people.
And also, you know
he has a helicopter?
And so he apparently collects his
supermarket shop in the helicopter.
"It's very easy.
"I just call them up about an hour
before I get in the helicopter,
"they clear the car park for me,
I just go in, go out,
"pick up the food, come back in.
I don't know why everyone
doesn't do it."
I'm interested to note that Vivienne
Westwood clearly bought Margaret
Thatcher's scalp at auction.
Now I'm thinking about it, Vivienne
Westwood does have a weird style,
- a weird pattern, doesn't she?
- So, what's your answer?
- Vivienne Westwood.
- And what's your answer? - I think
Noel Edmonds. - Noel Edmonds.
Well, the answer is
Noel Edmonds.
APPLAUSE
This was his response
in an interview in 2006
when asked about his fashion
during his time presenting
Saturday Morning Kitchen
and Multi-Coloured Swap Shop.
So, that's the end of the round,
and I can tell you
that it is a draw.
APPLAUSE
Over the break, see if you can
complete this quotation
from Albert Einstein,
and a quote from 1950,
the same year he published On The
Generalised Theory Of Gravitation.
But then you knew that already.
What? If the computer room
in your house is free,
why not use it to tweet your answer
to @somethingIsaid,
and we'll see you after the break.
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Welcome back to
Was It Something I Said?
Before the break, we asked you
to complete this quotation
from Albert Einstein.
..what?
- Was he quite randy?
- Not when I met him.
I think he was quite notoriously
up for it,
so I'm just wondering whether
Z is sex.
- No, it's very surprising.
- Oh, "and Z isBOO!"
No, it's the opposite.
"Argh!"
Serenity, Buddhism?
A bit like
Yes, you're getting close. Not
- Contentment. - No!
Don't say it like,
"No, you fucking prick!
"What were you thinking? How is
contentment the opposite of boo?"
Boo Certainty is, cos boo
is a surprise, and certainty is not.
I wouldn't say certainty is
the opposite of boo.
No. Well, there is
As yet, there hasn't been
a defined opposite of boo.
Well, this is my pitch
for the opposite of boo!
It will be in the answer. You will
know, when Phil gives the answer,
what I have -
admittedly, on the hoof -
defined as the opposite of boo.
And I think
I already think I'm wrong.
Unless it's
HE CLEARS HIS THROA
"..Sorry, excuse me.
That's the opposite of boo."
I would say that was, yes.
I know now,
you're not going to agree with my
definition of the opposite of boo.
So Phil, please give the answer.
"If A is a success in life,
then A equals X + Y + Z.
"Work is X, Y is play
and Z is
"keeping your mouth shut."
Where was he, prison?
"Yeah, keep your head down,
do your bird, do your time,
"work on your theory of relativity
when you get out, bang!"
"Keep your mouth shut"?
"Keep your mouth shut"
- is the opposite to any word,
not just "boo". - Yeah.
So that is absolutely not
the opposite of boo.
But you see what I was thinking?
If you creep up behind someone
and go
..they don't go, "Hey, whoa!"
- Do they? - Look, I saw this coming,
I don't really stand by it.
All I can say is
I was sincerely trying to help.
Why was Einstein a worry
to his parents as a child?
I think they thought he was slow
at school, or something like that.
They did think
he was very slow, to the extent
he didn't really speak in full
sentences until he was nine.
And at last, at the supper
table one night,
he broke his silence to say,
"The soup is too hot."
Greatly relieved,
his parents asked him
why he'd never said a word before.
Einstein replied, "Because up to
now, everything was in order."
But Dave, if you were a parent,
how could you not resist,
if your child didn't say anything
for nine years
and suddenly went, "The soup
is cold," not say, "Shut up!"
In 1919,
Einstein married his cousin, Elsa,
which actually breaks another
law of relativity.
Now, the next round
is called Key Words.
We've taken a famous quotation
and ripped two key words out of it,
leaving it lying bloodied
and bleeding on the floor.
All the panel have to do is
accurately work out
what the original quote said.
It's sort of CSI: Quotations.
Here's a quotation from
one of Winston Churchill's speeches
in 1940. You should know it
as it's rather famous
so I'll award points to the team
that gets closest
to the exact wording.
As your first clue, Phil,
can we have two key words, please?
"Beaches" and "fields".
Now, that's got to ring
a few bells.
Everyone thinks they know this
but let's see how close you can
get to the actual quote.
He used to sleep, didn't he,
for about
three, four hours during the day?
- And eight at night.
- He had late nights and then naps.
- But he drank a lot during the day.
- And he drank a lot.
He had "black dog".
He did have black dog.
Black dog was what
he called his depression.
He had depression,
he was an alcoholic
and he slept a lot during the day.
Sounds like me.
LAUGHTER
Let's have another.
I'll give you another clue.
A word that you might not definitely
know is in this quote.
But you might.
What's the third word, please, Phil.
"Hills".
This is alluding
to that speech he made
and he was trying to buoy up
the country saying,
"We'll fight them here,
we'll fight them in the front room,
"we'll fight them in the kitchen,
"we'll fight them down the pub."
When are we going to
stop fighting them?
"I don't know.
We're going to keep going."
It was,
"We'll fight them on the beaches,
"we'll fight them in the fields.
Not so much the hills."
If they're in the hills, we'll
wait till they come down the hill
and we'll fight them on the flat bit
next to the ice cream van.
We have to give you, what,
the exact wording?
The closest to the exact wording
will get the much-prized point.
Is it,
"We will fight them on the beaches,
"we will fight them in the fields
and on the hills,
"we will never surrender?"
Micky and Gabby, you have a go.
We'll fight them
We'll fight them
Say it to him, don't say it to me.
LAUGHTER
We'll fight them on the beaches,
we'll fight them on the fields,
we'll fight them on the hills
That's our difference.
- We are going to say, "We'll fight
them," three times. - Yeah. Any more?
LAUGHTER
We
And I'll see you afterwards.
LAUGHTER
- Great Britain will never surrender.
- Great Britain will never surrender.
Right, Phil, can we
have the exact words?
"..we shall never surrender."
Yes.
I just wanted you to say,
"Park life," at the end.
Park life. ♪
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
I don't know You all thought
it was, "We shall fight THEM."
It's just, "We shall fight."
He didn't specify.
I think it was assumed he meant
the Germans and he went,
"Beaches" None of you
got landing grounds.
I think both teams were close.
I'm going to give you a point each.
There you go.
APPLAUSE
This speech of Churchill's was
voted the greatest moment
in radio history earlier this year.
Why should it not have been?
Well, have you heard Bruno Brookes?
LAUGHTER
Was it actually on television
as opposed to radio?
It wasn't on television.
- It wasn't on radio.
- It wasn't on radio.
That's absolutely right.
Sony and the Radio Academy
voted this speech
the greatest moment in radio history
despite the fact that
during the war,
Churchill never recorded or
broadcast this speech.
Quotes from it were cited by
a newsreader at the same time as
the speech but it was never recorded
or broadcast until after the war.
- So - A bit late.
Churchill was famously witty but
some of his quotes are apocryphal.
There's a story that tells
of Churchill responding to
news that the Lord Privy Seal -
who had earlier disrespected him
in Parliament - wanted to see him
with the words,
"Tell the Lord Privy Seal that
"I'm sealed in the privy and can
only deal with one shit at a time."
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
Time for another one.
This is a quotation from actor
and hell-raiser Charlie Sheen after
one of his many trips to rehab.
It's not well known,
so this time I'll award points to
which every team gets nearest to it.
As your first clue, Phil,
can I have two key words, please?
"Tranquillizers" and "bourbon.
Is that how I get through
a parents' evening?
I should say that we don't know
it's bourbon - it could be Bourbon.
The next word's biscuits.
It could be referring tothe
biscuit or the French royal house.
The only thing I found that matches
the soothing balm of tranquillizers
injected directly into my neck
is a cup of tea
with a bourbon biscuit.
LAUGHTER
Should we also leave open
the possibility that he's
referring to the whiskey?
Let's have the third key word to see
whether it pushes us biscuit-wards
or whiskey-wards.
Or - and I'm alone on this one,
I know - French royal house-wards.
LAUGHTER
Phil.
"Joints".
ALL: Joints?
Now, it doesn't mean Phil's
helpful mime there might be
I'm just helping you out
on your sort of, you know
Maybe that's his Ocado shopping list.
Just the one that he does every week.
He has just gone through
a period of rehab when he says this.
That doesn't narrow down the time.
No, but it may give you
a clue as to his attitude.
The attitude with which he said it.
He said,
"Rehab really worked for me.
"I just get through the day now
with tranquillizers, bourbon
- "and a few joints." Something along
those lines. - What do you reckon?
- I think he probably used the word
clean. - Yeah. Clean.
"Now I'm clean, all I take are
tranquillizers, bourbon and joints."
OK, well, can we have the
full quotation, please, Phil?
"There was a time when I couldn't
"three joints,
taken tranquillizers "
I don't think any of you
deserve any points.
So, that's the end of the round
and, looking at the scores,
I can see that, once again,
the teams are tied.
APPLAUSE
Our next round is
Was It Something I Said,
in which each team has to work out
who said the following quotations.
It'll be from someone on the show
tonight or from our virtual guest,
Jeremy Kyle.
So, is it something Jeremy Kyle
could have said or is it a quote
not designed to sow misery amongst
confused, dysfunctional families?
So first up is Richard's team.
Who said the following?
Was it Micky, Gabby,
Phil, me or Jeremy Kyle?
My thought is, why does
he need to protect this chair?
- Presumably a chair is harder
than a newspaper. - The overalls!
You know, work, Richard, work?
That thing where people get dirty?
I'm sorry, that was
all kind of Cockney
COCKNEY-ESQUE GIBBERISH
That's all I heard.
I just thought that Er
- Jeremy Kyle. - You think Jeremy Kyle?
Well, the answer is Phil Daniels.
Phil, you can explain to Richard?
Well, my dad was a
High Court judge and
LAUGHTER
No, he used to wear overalls.
He was a caretaker
in a block of flats.
So I think the key thing is,
Richard, there would be
something ON the overalls.
Look, I misread the quote,
I got it wrong.
And yes, I should be punished.
And I must pay for my upbringing
with my fabulously wealthy
Nigerian father,
and the Norwegian heiress he married,
on his rounds as a TV repair man.
Next up, it's Micky's team.
Who said the following?
Was it Richard, Ed, Phil,
me or Jeremy Kyle?
Possibly Ed or possibly Mr Kyle.
- The reptile. - I really don't like
the fact that I'm now even a choice.
I don't like that people
are actually going,
"It was either Ed Byrne
or Jeremy Kyle." I
I find it quite insulting.
It's not nice being
lumped in with Kyle, is it?
Well, you shouldn't have
said so many Jeremy Kyle-style
things in your life.
Is it ironic?
Is it Richard cos it's ironic?
"I'm not too proud to self-google."
It's like sitting here
with Rory Bremner!
OK, I think we've come to it.
We're going to go for
a bit of a wild card here
and we think it may be Richard.
Well, the answer is me.
You?! After everything you've
said about the internet?
- Have you never googled yourself? - No!
I'm too busy masturbating
like a normal man.
- Are you masturbating over
your own name? - Of course I am!
Well, I'm afraid that's all
we've got time for.
And a quick look at the scores
tell me that it is a draw.
Thank you to Micky, Gabby, Richard
and Ed and to our guest narrator,
Phil Daniels.
And we leave you with the words
of novelist John Galsworthy
And so, with that in mind, it's
only lefts that I, um, to the
This is the Won't be the next,
the o-other one'll be,
but this is finished.
And, so, bye!
This programme contains strong
language.
APPLAUSE
Hello, and welcome to
Was It Something I Said?
The panel show that celebrates
the world of quotations.
And you can quote me on that.
German philosopher
Friedrich Nietzsche once said:
By which reckoning,
I have lost 13,941 days
out of a possible 13,948.
On Richard Ayoade's team
is comedian Ed Byrne,
and with Micky Flanagan tonight
is sports broadcaster Gabby Logan.
APPLAUSE
Here to read out our quotations
is someone who once said that:
Well, that's after being skint
and having Ebola.
Please welcome actor, and star
of Quadrophenia, Phil Daniels.
APPLAUSE
Gabby, what's your
favourite quotation?
One has just sprung to mind,
actually, which is
subliminally quite a feminist
quote by Ginger Rogers,
who said, "Women do
everything that men do,
"except backwards in high heels,"
referring to dancing, of course.
And, actually, I think,
without getting too deep,
that's kind of life, isn't it?
Women do everything that men do
but backwards in high heels.
Come on, ladies! Yes!
They don't go on about it, do they?
That's what I like about women.
They never go on about how much
they do. They keep it inside.
They just soldier on.
Do you think the fact that
they keep doing everything
backwards, in high heels,
is why they don't get paid
as much as men?
I'm just saying. Some things
are supposed to be done forwards.
It's very rare that someone says,
as a compliment,
that your boss would say,
"You've done this all backwards."
- What about moonwalking?
- Can you moonwalk in high heels?
I think if you've made
your sales, yes.
Well, our opening round
is called Threesomes.
Our panellists have to guess
which of three famous people
said a particular quotation.
And you can play along at home by
following @somethingIsaid on Twitter
to unlock some extra clips.
This week's Threesomes theme
is fashion.
Can we have the first
quotation, please, Phil?
"I don't believe in 'fad' clothing.
"There are so many 'fads' in fashion
"and they're here today
and gone tomorrow."
Who said it?
Was it superstar pianist Liberace,
fashion designer Vivienne Westwood,
or TV presenter Noel Edmonds?
Liberace found one fashion.
He found that look
and he never changed it, did he?
He never camped it up
or anything, did he?
He looks like he's got a job
on the shopping channel
and he's sort of saying,
"There is only 15 of these left."
AS LIBERACE:
Send your offers in now.
LAUGHTER
I'm not gay.
LAUGHTER
What are you doing now?
LAUGHTER
- Liberace. - Oh, Liberace!
Oh, yes. Sorry.
Michael Douglas
has got nothing on you.
LAUGHTER
You try doing Liberace.
I've not seen a lot of him,
but he used to go
"Hi, there."
Only an '80s DJ would use
the word "fad", and that's Edmonds.
So, you're sure it's Edmonds?
I don't know. I think
it's Vivienne Westwood.
Do you know what Vivienne Westwood
says about being a fashion designer?
She says, "I didn't want to be
a fashion designer at all.
- "For 15 years, I hated fashion."
- Well, she's fucked up, hasn't she?
LAUGHTER
She's fucked that up royally.
Vivienne Westwood used to have
a shop on the Kings Road
with Malcolm McLaren.
And in 1975
Johnny Rotten auditioned
to be lead singer
of the Sex Pistols there.
Didn't Johnny Rotten also audition
for your role in Quadrophenia, Phil?
- I think he did. - Did he get it?
I think he might have done
but they couldn't insure him.
He didn't get it!
- I think he might have done.
- That would have been mad!
He would have played the role
if they'd got the insurance?
I mean, maybe it's apocryphal,
but I hear that.
How did your audition
for it come up?
I was smoking a joint
in a Zulu mud hut
and I got a phone call saying,
"Come over to England."
Were you actually in a Zulu mud hut,
or was it really good gear
you were smoking?
LAUGHTER
- It was good gear, and I was really
in a Zulu mud hut. - Were you in Zulu?
- No, I was in Zulu Dawn,
the prequel to Zulu. - Wow. - Yes.
We got beat.
Zulus win.
If you'd won against the Zulus
in Zulu Dawn,
they'd have to then re-shoot Zulu
as just a normal day.
- So we need an answer. Who said this?
- ED: I'm thinking Vivienne Westwood.
OK, let's have Vivienne Westwood.
(But I think it's Edmonds.)
And what's your answer?
AS LIBERACE:
We're going for Liberace.
Liberace, Vivienne Westwood.
Well, the answer is
Liberace! Well done.
What problem did Liberace
say he had with his outfits?
They were obviously too heavy,
so did he get some kind of chafing?
I mean, that's one of
the most disgusting contexts
There's no doubt that Liberace
had some sort of chafing.
LAUGHTER
Did he used to get abuse
from white-van drivers,
as they went past, "Liberace!
"Sort your life out!"
I don't think he'd put
himself in a position
where too many white vans
could drive past him.
Unless they're going,
"Why am I in Vegas?
"My delivery's got
a bit awry, innit?"
"Why am I in Vegas - and why
does Liberace walk to work?"
LAUGHTER
Of course, Liberace never came
out of the closet in his lifetime.
I'm not surprised.
He was probably snagged on
a diamond-encrusted jumpsuit.
Phil, can we have our next quotation
on the subject of fashion, please?
"You don't become a fashion icon
without having your own
"very clear view of what is fashion."
It's one of the same three,
it could be Noel Edmonds,
it could be Vivienne Westwood,
it could be Liberace.
Noel Edmonds could
easily have said it,
because Noel Edmonds says ANYTHING
while he's trying to fill time
on Deal Or No Deal.
Any collection of words
you could think to put together,
at some point, they've fallen
out of his beardy pie-hole,
as he's trying to make
opening boxes interesting.
The game is, when you record it,
you've got to just watch it on Sky+
so you don't have to listen
to Noel Edmonds at all,
just get the boxes opening
all the time.
It takes about 40 seconds
to watch the whole show.
LAUGHTER
40 episodes of Deal Or No Deal,
I'm going to watch them in an hour.
It can't be Noel Edmonds,
cos he found a fashion
back about 30 years ago and
he thought, "That's it, I'm done."
- I'm not worrying about that
any more. - That's men.
Men choose a point in their life,
and that's it.
What Richard says is interesting,
cos I know that Micky
was a Fred Perry man in the '80s,
and you had a Harrington jacket.
I did have a Harrington jacket.
And I know that from what
you're wearing tonight.
Thanks.
LAUGHTER
I think it's Edmonds,
because he is
incredibly more deluded
than all of those other people.
And also, you know
he has a helicopter?
And so he apparently collects his
supermarket shop in the helicopter.
"It's very easy.
"I just call them up about an hour
before I get in the helicopter,
"they clear the car park for me,
I just go in, go out,
"pick up the food, come back in.
I don't know why everyone
doesn't do it."
I'm interested to note that Vivienne
Westwood clearly bought Margaret
Thatcher's scalp at auction.
Now I'm thinking about it, Vivienne
Westwood does have a weird style,
- a weird pattern, doesn't she?
- So, what's your answer?
- Vivienne Westwood.
- And what's your answer? - I think
Noel Edmonds. - Noel Edmonds.
Well, the answer is
Noel Edmonds.
APPLAUSE
This was his response
in an interview in 2006
when asked about his fashion
during his time presenting
Saturday Morning Kitchen
and Multi-Coloured Swap Shop.
So, that's the end of the round,
and I can tell you
that it is a draw.
APPLAUSE
Over the break, see if you can
complete this quotation
from Albert Einstein,
and a quote from 1950,
the same year he published On The
Generalised Theory Of Gravitation.
But then you knew that already.
What? If the computer room
in your house is free,
why not use it to tweet your answer
to @somethingIsaid,
and we'll see you after the break.
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Welcome back to
Was It Something I Said?
Before the break, we asked you
to complete this quotation
from Albert Einstein.
..what?
- Was he quite randy?
- Not when I met him.
I think he was quite notoriously
up for it,
so I'm just wondering whether
Z is sex.
- No, it's very surprising.
- Oh, "and Z isBOO!"
No, it's the opposite.
"Argh!"
Serenity, Buddhism?
A bit like
Yes, you're getting close. Not
- Contentment. - No!
Don't say it like,
"No, you fucking prick!
"What were you thinking? How is
contentment the opposite of boo?"
Boo Certainty is, cos boo
is a surprise, and certainty is not.
I wouldn't say certainty is
the opposite of boo.
No. Well, there is
As yet, there hasn't been
a defined opposite of boo.
Well, this is my pitch
for the opposite of boo!
It will be in the answer. You will
know, when Phil gives the answer,
what I have -
admittedly, on the hoof -
defined as the opposite of boo.
And I think
I already think I'm wrong.
Unless it's
HE CLEARS HIS THROA
"..Sorry, excuse me.
That's the opposite of boo."
I would say that was, yes.
I know now,
you're not going to agree with my
definition of the opposite of boo.
So Phil, please give the answer.
"If A is a success in life,
then A equals X + Y + Z.
"Work is X, Y is play
and Z is
"keeping your mouth shut."
Where was he, prison?
"Yeah, keep your head down,
do your bird, do your time,
"work on your theory of relativity
when you get out, bang!"
"Keep your mouth shut"?
"Keep your mouth shut"
- is the opposite to any word,
not just "boo". - Yeah.
So that is absolutely not
the opposite of boo.
But you see what I was thinking?
If you creep up behind someone
and go
..they don't go, "Hey, whoa!"
- Do they? - Look, I saw this coming,
I don't really stand by it.
All I can say is
I was sincerely trying to help.
Why was Einstein a worry
to his parents as a child?
I think they thought he was slow
at school, or something like that.
They did think
he was very slow, to the extent
he didn't really speak in full
sentences until he was nine.
And at last, at the supper
table one night,
he broke his silence to say,
"The soup is too hot."
Greatly relieved,
his parents asked him
why he'd never said a word before.
Einstein replied, "Because up to
now, everything was in order."
But Dave, if you were a parent,
how could you not resist,
if your child didn't say anything
for nine years
and suddenly went, "The soup
is cold," not say, "Shut up!"
In 1919,
Einstein married his cousin, Elsa,
which actually breaks another
law of relativity.
Now, the next round
is called Key Words.
We've taken a famous quotation
and ripped two key words out of it,
leaving it lying bloodied
and bleeding on the floor.
All the panel have to do is
accurately work out
what the original quote said.
It's sort of CSI: Quotations.
Here's a quotation from
one of Winston Churchill's speeches
in 1940. You should know it
as it's rather famous
so I'll award points to the team
that gets closest
to the exact wording.
As your first clue, Phil,
can we have two key words, please?
"Beaches" and "fields".
Now, that's got to ring
a few bells.
Everyone thinks they know this
but let's see how close you can
get to the actual quote.
He used to sleep, didn't he,
for about
three, four hours during the day?
- And eight at night.
- He had late nights and then naps.
- But he drank a lot during the day.
- And he drank a lot.
He had "black dog".
He did have black dog.
Black dog was what
he called his depression.
He had depression,
he was an alcoholic
and he slept a lot during the day.
Sounds like me.
LAUGHTER
Let's have another.
I'll give you another clue.
A word that you might not definitely
know is in this quote.
But you might.
What's the third word, please, Phil.
"Hills".
This is alluding
to that speech he made
and he was trying to buoy up
the country saying,
"We'll fight them here,
we'll fight them in the front room,
"we'll fight them in the kitchen,
"we'll fight them down the pub."
When are we going to
stop fighting them?
"I don't know.
We're going to keep going."
It was,
"We'll fight them on the beaches,
"we'll fight them in the fields.
Not so much the hills."
If they're in the hills, we'll
wait till they come down the hill
and we'll fight them on the flat bit
next to the ice cream van.
We have to give you, what,
the exact wording?
The closest to the exact wording
will get the much-prized point.
Is it,
"We will fight them on the beaches,
"we will fight them in the fields
and on the hills,
"we will never surrender?"
Micky and Gabby, you have a go.
We'll fight them
We'll fight them
Say it to him, don't say it to me.
LAUGHTER
We'll fight them on the beaches,
we'll fight them on the fields,
we'll fight them on the hills
That's our difference.
- We are going to say, "We'll fight
them," three times. - Yeah. Any more?
LAUGHTER
We
And I'll see you afterwards.
LAUGHTER
- Great Britain will never surrender.
- Great Britain will never surrender.
Right, Phil, can we
have the exact words?
"..we shall never surrender."
Yes.
I just wanted you to say,
"Park life," at the end.
Park life. ♪
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
I don't know You all thought
it was, "We shall fight THEM."
It's just, "We shall fight."
He didn't specify.
I think it was assumed he meant
the Germans and he went,
"Beaches" None of you
got landing grounds.
I think both teams were close.
I'm going to give you a point each.
There you go.
APPLAUSE
This speech of Churchill's was
voted the greatest moment
in radio history earlier this year.
Why should it not have been?
Well, have you heard Bruno Brookes?
LAUGHTER
Was it actually on television
as opposed to radio?
It wasn't on television.
- It wasn't on radio.
- It wasn't on radio.
That's absolutely right.
Sony and the Radio Academy
voted this speech
the greatest moment in radio history
despite the fact that
during the war,
Churchill never recorded or
broadcast this speech.
Quotes from it were cited by
a newsreader at the same time as
the speech but it was never recorded
or broadcast until after the war.
- So - A bit late.
Churchill was famously witty but
some of his quotes are apocryphal.
There's a story that tells
of Churchill responding to
news that the Lord Privy Seal -
who had earlier disrespected him
in Parliament - wanted to see him
with the words,
"Tell the Lord Privy Seal that
"I'm sealed in the privy and can
only deal with one shit at a time."
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
Time for another one.
This is a quotation from actor
and hell-raiser Charlie Sheen after
one of his many trips to rehab.
It's not well known,
so this time I'll award points to
which every team gets nearest to it.
As your first clue, Phil,
can I have two key words, please?
"Tranquillizers" and "bourbon.
Is that how I get through
a parents' evening?
I should say that we don't know
it's bourbon - it could be Bourbon.
The next word's biscuits.
It could be referring tothe
biscuit or the French royal house.
The only thing I found that matches
the soothing balm of tranquillizers
injected directly into my neck
is a cup of tea
with a bourbon biscuit.
LAUGHTER
Should we also leave open
the possibility that he's
referring to the whiskey?
Let's have the third key word to see
whether it pushes us biscuit-wards
or whiskey-wards.
Or - and I'm alone on this one,
I know - French royal house-wards.
LAUGHTER
Phil.
"Joints".
ALL: Joints?
Now, it doesn't mean Phil's
helpful mime there might be
I'm just helping you out
on your sort of, you know
Maybe that's his Ocado shopping list.
Just the one that he does every week.
He has just gone through
a period of rehab when he says this.
That doesn't narrow down the time.
No, but it may give you
a clue as to his attitude.
The attitude with which he said it.
He said,
"Rehab really worked for me.
"I just get through the day now
with tranquillizers, bourbon
- "and a few joints." Something along
those lines. - What do you reckon?
- I think he probably used the word
clean. - Yeah. Clean.
"Now I'm clean, all I take are
tranquillizers, bourbon and joints."
OK, well, can we have the
full quotation, please, Phil?
"There was a time when I couldn't
"three joints,
taken tranquillizers "
I don't think any of you
deserve any points.
So, that's the end of the round
and, looking at the scores,
I can see that, once again,
the teams are tied.
APPLAUSE
Our next round is
Was It Something I Said,
in which each team has to work out
who said the following quotations.
It'll be from someone on the show
tonight or from our virtual guest,
Jeremy Kyle.
So, is it something Jeremy Kyle
could have said or is it a quote
not designed to sow misery amongst
confused, dysfunctional families?
So first up is Richard's team.
Who said the following?
Was it Micky, Gabby,
Phil, me or Jeremy Kyle?
My thought is, why does
he need to protect this chair?
- Presumably a chair is harder
than a newspaper. - The overalls!
You know, work, Richard, work?
That thing where people get dirty?
I'm sorry, that was
all kind of Cockney
COCKNEY-ESQUE GIBBERISH
That's all I heard.
I just thought that Er
- Jeremy Kyle. - You think Jeremy Kyle?
Well, the answer is Phil Daniels.
Phil, you can explain to Richard?
Well, my dad was a
High Court judge and
LAUGHTER
No, he used to wear overalls.
He was a caretaker
in a block of flats.
So I think the key thing is,
Richard, there would be
something ON the overalls.
Look, I misread the quote,
I got it wrong.
And yes, I should be punished.
And I must pay for my upbringing
with my fabulously wealthy
Nigerian father,
and the Norwegian heiress he married,
on his rounds as a TV repair man.
Next up, it's Micky's team.
Who said the following?
Was it Richard, Ed, Phil,
me or Jeremy Kyle?
Possibly Ed or possibly Mr Kyle.
- The reptile. - I really don't like
the fact that I'm now even a choice.
I don't like that people
are actually going,
"It was either Ed Byrne
or Jeremy Kyle." I
I find it quite insulting.
It's not nice being
lumped in with Kyle, is it?
Well, you shouldn't have
said so many Jeremy Kyle-style
things in your life.
Is it ironic?
Is it Richard cos it's ironic?
"I'm not too proud to self-google."
It's like sitting here
with Rory Bremner!
OK, I think we've come to it.
We're going to go for
a bit of a wild card here
and we think it may be Richard.
Well, the answer is me.
You?! After everything you've
said about the internet?
- Have you never googled yourself? - No!
I'm too busy masturbating
like a normal man.
- Are you masturbating over
your own name? - Of course I am!
Well, I'm afraid that's all
we've got time for.
And a quick look at the scores
tell me that it is a draw.
Thank you to Micky, Gabby, Richard
and Ed and to our guest narrator,
Phil Daniels.
And we leave you with the words
of novelist John Galsworthy
And so, with that in mind, it's
only lefts that I, um, to the
This is the Won't be the next,
the o-other one'll be,
but this is finished.
And, so, bye!