Welcome to Chippendales (2022) s01e02 Episode Script

1
I'm going to start my own business.
Now imagine if there were
an establishment
where people could gather
in a sophisticated setting.
- Paul Snider.
- Steve Banerjee.
And this is Dorothy Stratten.
Playmate of the month.
Opening a strip club for ladies.
You're gonna make a lot of money,
have fun, get lots of pussy.
It is the world premiere
Chippendales dancers!
What you have is a crass spectacle.
Nick De Noia.
Emmy-winning choreographer.
Your emceeing services
are no longer required.
I've given Nick full authority
in all creative matters.
Are you fucking kidding me?
In other news today,
we are sad to report
on the shocking death
of Playboy Playmate
and actress Dorothy Stratten.
Ms. Stratten was murdered last night
by her husband, Paul Snider.
Mr. Snider then turned the gun on
himself in an apparent murder-suicide.
Police are still investigating, but have
not released a motive at this time.
Ms. Stratten was cast
in Peter Bogdanovich's caper
They All Laughed, which will be
released later this year
Boss, you doing all right?
I'll be back in a bit.
This should be quick.
Start here and go to the next page.
Good.
Perfect. This one's ours.
And you each keep one.
Stick with me,
I'll show you all the local spots.
- Oh, yeah?
- Mmm-hmm.
I want to thank you for coming in.
Yeah.
Hey, hey, hey. Let's go dancing.
Have you ever been to Circus Disco?
Actually, I don't dance.
What?
Thanks.
That was fun.
Fairy tales are marvelous,
wonderful stories
that were supposed to have
happened a long time ago.
Here's a story called The Ugly Duckling.
As the story went,
there was an unhappy little duck
who was lonely and afraid
and felt it didn't fit in anywhere.
As it turned out,
it grew up to be a beautiful swan.
Do you think fairy tales
still happen today?
Well, they do here on Unicorn Tales.
Once upon a time
in the here and the now,
in the kingdom of Unicorn City,
in a place called People's Park
- They're cowboys again.
- It was better the first ten times.
Hello.
- Nick?
- Yes.
It's Steve. Banerjee.
The reason I wanted to speak with you,
your routine
The response has been spectacular,
no other way to put it.
I could use a few more.
What?
A few? My friend, you need a lot.
Customers aren't coming back
if they think they're going to see
the same shit as last time.
You want that show of yours
to be a long-term proposition?
Hmm?
You gotta have a constant, steady flow
of spectacular new product.
To be honest, what you really need
is somebody in-house.
- In-house?
- Mmm-hmm.
On staff.
A full-time, dedicated choreographer.
Would you consider?
Who, me? Come on.
Why not?
Look, I enjoyed helping you out.
It was a fun little lark.
What would it take?
There's a million choreographers
in this town.
I'm sure you could find somebody
perfectly serviceable.
I do not want serviceable.
- The reaction
- You don't understand.
I'm an extremely busy, in-demand guy.
Any given time, I got a million things
going on, you know?
What would it take?
I mean, for me to be there full-time
Just tell me what it would take.
All right.
For starters, complete creative control.
Done.
- Budget for costumes.
- Done.
- Budget for props.
- Done.
And you'd need to fire all the dancers.
Five, six, seven, eight and hands.
And reach, and reach,
and five, six, seven, eight
And one, and pump, and pump.
Okay, guys,
we're going to do it one last time slow.
Just so that you can keep up
with the moves, but you got it.
Let the energy flow out, all right?
And then, hips. And hips.
And down the body, down the body,
step, boom and drop.
And five, six, seven, eight
and step, hit it!
I just can't. You're great, okay?
And reach, and reach,
and five, six and seven, eight.
And one, and pump and pump, and hands.
There is a room of screaming women.
Boom! Good.
Throw it! Good. And throw it!
And one, two and three and four.
Ball change.
Ball change, ball change, and hit.
There's one part you're still
not getting. You throw it.
Keep it sharp. Yes.
Good. Yes, pivot. And good. Nice.
And pivot.
Stop, stop! Blue shorts.
What's your name?
Otis McCutcheon.
Otis McCutcheon.
You seem to know your stuff.
I do all right.
Had any formal dance training?
I mean, some. Yeah.
You know, I'm an actor,
but I take classes in tap,
jazz, a little bit of modern.
I did a year and a half with the touring
company of Godspell.
Godspell?
Yeah, you know,
definitely danced with that.
- Good job, man.
- Thank you.
All right, guys.
Here's the hard part.
I wish I could hire you all.
That is not the game we're in.
I am so sorry.
Front row,
this is the end of the road for you.
You may leave. Thank you so much, guys.
I appreciate it.
Back row. Congratulations.
You are now officially
Chippendales dancers.
Well done.
- Good job. Nice lines.
- Thank you very much.
Otis McCutcheon.
- Thanks, man. Awesome.
- Thank you, man.
He is Black.
Is that a problem?
No.
It's good. Customers will love it.
Let me hear you scream for Otis, ladies!
Baby, it's getting hot in here!
Turn it all the way up to sexy!
Excuse me.
Is this your place?
Are you the owner?
I fucking love this place.
I
I mean
Hello? I'm
Can you hear me? Can you hear me?
Look, no offense, but I'm working.
All right.
Okay.
God, I wish I had his body.
Take it off! Yeah!
DJ, hit it!
All right!
Ladies, Otis loves eye contact and cash,
so give him what he wants
and he'll return the favor.
Oh, my gosh!
Grab that tip, he'll give you a kiss.
That's how it works.
Whoa! Someone call Canter's Deli.
We got a tongue sandwich on the table.
Ladies, do not fight!
There is plenty of Otis to go around.
- And I do mean plenty.
- I can confirm.
Otis!
Come on!
Who's next?
Hey, can I get another Coke?
- Sure.
- Thank you.
How are we on singles, Bobby?
Getting a little low.
- I'll get you some more.
- Great.
I've just been so crazy, you know.
It's been non-stop, going, going.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Here's your Coke.
- Thank you.
- Good work, Bobby.
Is this your place?
- Oh, this? Yeah, I'm the owner.
- Wow.
Are you having a good time?
It's not my kind of place. No offense.
It's not my kind of place either.
Baby! Make some noise in here!
This could be your night.
Make some noise!
Get that girl, mister.
She's sexy! This is the night that
three lucky ladies
will be selected from the crowd
to have your dreams come true.
Looks like it's you, it could be you.
It's definitely going to be
a night to remember.
Enjoy yourselves!
I wouldn't normally have two in a row.
I have trouble sleeping, but
It's
It's gonna be a long night.
Grab that tush.
Yeah, for me too.
Oh, oh!
- Sure.
- I'm the owner, so
Actually, Bobby, I'll have one too.
You got it, boss.
I heard they're developing
a caffeine-free version.
- Really?
- I read it in Newsweek.
Well, I will be the first in line.
Not if I beat you to it.
- One Coke.
- Thank you.
If I got there first,
I would let you jump ahead.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Make sure to head over to the bar
and get yourself a cocktail, ladies.
Without the "tail."
- What's the matter?
- What?
Oh, uh, nothing.
- No, what is it?
- Nothing.
No, please tell me.
It's not my place to tell you.
Please, I want to know
what you're thinking.
See that?
- I don't quite.
- The ice.
It's only filling
about two-thirds of the glass,
which means in a 12-ounce glass,
the top third of the glass
contains twice as much alcohol
as it would if there was ice,
which translates to probably
an extra 50 cents' worth of alcohol
per Long Island Iced Tea compared to
one where the ice goes to the top.
Multiply that times the number
of Long Island Iced Teas
you serve in a month,
and that's 200 per month
times 30 nights times 50 cents.
You're talking monthly
lost revenue on the order of
- $3,000.
- $3,000.
And that's just
the Long Island Iced Teas.
You add that to the Dirty Bananas,
the Fuzzy Navels, Slippery Nipples,
the Screaming Orgasms
I bartended in college.
- May I?
- Yeah.
Simple solution.
Bigger scoopers.
You should have two. One that holds
enough for a 12-ounce glass,
then a second one for your
16-ounce drinks,
like a jigger, but for ice.
Your bartender won't
have to fuss with multiple scoopers
trying to get the exact right amount
for a certain glass,
it's just one and done, which you need
in a high-volume situation
where you want maximum efficiency.
I know it sounds crazy, but it would
make a big difference.
Ballpark, this one change would boost
your annual bottom line
somewhere on the low-to-mid six figures.
I'm an accountant.
We could use an accountant.
I got dollar bills everywhere, man.
Richie Rich!
I made some money tonight.
- They were loud.
- Yeah.
Great job, boys!
Not perfect. Definitely some things
we need to clean up.
CJ, you overstuffed.
It's like you got a beaver down there.
But But, all in all,
for a first night on six days prep,
I will fucking take it.
Yes! Yes!
Okay. Go get some sleep.
I will see you bright and early
tomorrow at 2:00 p.m.
- What time, Richie?
- 2:00 p.m.
2:00 p.m. Don't be late.
Thank you.
Hey, question.
- Yeah?
- How's your tango?
- My tango?
- Mmm.
It's excellent.
I had a feeling you'd say that.
Hey, listen.
Can I ask you something?
- Yeah, what's up?
- The Kiss and Tip.
Mmm-hmm. What about it?
I don't know, I just,
I kind of feel funny about it.
You know, the kissing and groping,
I'm not used to that kind of thing.
You don't get that at Lincoln Center.
Yeah.
Yeah, so I guess what I'm asking is,
you know, is it required?
Only if you want to get paid.
The one with the big
old snaggletooth? Yeah.
- Sorry. I'm sorry.
- Sorry, sorry.
- You good?
- I'm good.
- Yeah, I'm good.
- Don't
- Don't hurt your fingers.
- Thank you.
Don't want you hurt.
- I won't get hurt. Thank you.
- Promise?
Promise.
- Wanna put it down?
- No, no, I'm good.
- I'm good. Okay.
- We're going to turn here.
Okay, now
A beautiful and sunny
75 degrees in Santa Monica.
Don't worry. We have the right of way.
What the hell?
Maybe the other way?
So we're not constantly having to turn.
- So, like, face each other?
- Maybe?
Okay. Come in.
- Otis.
- You know my name.
Of course,
you're one of the new dancers.
Pleasure to meet you.
Hi, I'm Irene.
Irene is our new accountant.
Oh, right on.
Well, it's nice to meet both of you.
So what can I do for you, Otis?
I just wanted to let you know
that there's a protest.
Oh, goodness.
- Not in our neighborhood!
- That was fast.
Not in our neighborhood!
I only phoned an hour ago.
Not in our neighborhood!
Not in our neighborhood!
You phoned who?
The Seventh-day Adventist Church
of Los Angeles, to alert them
to the den of perversion and sin
less than a mile from their door.
Wait, you called them?
KCBS tip line.
- Yes, KCBS news tip line.
- How can I help you?
I'm calling to alert you
to something going on at Chippendales.
That horrible male stripping
establishment on Overland.
Yes, there is a church group
protesting right outside.
They do not like the presence
of this club in their neighborhood.
Thanks for letting us know.
Sending a crew.
Good, people need to know.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
They're on their way.
We're going to make the 6:00 news.
Bobby, make sure you have enough vodka.
It's going to be a busy night.
You got it, boss!
You a bad man, Mr. Banerjee.
I'm sorry you disapprove of my tactics.
Disapprove?
I mean, I'm in awe.
I mean, you just What?
You just bought this club like,
$5,000 of free advertising?
$6,500.
That is what KCBS charges
for a 30-second spot.
Our news story should be
at least a full minute.
Teach me. Look, I want to learn
everything that you know.
But you are a dancer.
Actually, I'm an actor, but even then.
I've been grinding out
the last 15 years,
you know, doing cruise ship gigs
and local theater and guest spot
on The Love Boat,
but living paycheck to paycheck.
And I got a wife and kids
and no health insurance.
I mean, I majored in business
in college, and for a while now,
I've been thinking about
getting back to that.
And now I meet you.
A brown-skinned brother,
really out here making shit happen
for himself.
I don't know, maybe it was meant.
Sorry, I do not have time for a trainee.
Okay. No, I get it.
You're a busy man.
All I'm asking is let me watch you.
- Watch?
- Yeah. You know, hang around.
Just to see what you do.
I mean, even the shady shit.
I could always use some help
with the books.
Right on, right on.
What a night. One more time
for the men of Chippendales!
With muscles and that golden tan,
between the sheets,
he's got the plan. Tony!
His candy cane, it tastes so sweet.
All ten inches you will eat. CJ!
A title match.
And last but definitely not least,
one look at him and your toes will curl.
He's got the moves
that'll rock your world! Otis!
Ladies, tonight is the night
you will never forget.
Everything you saw here tonight
only happens at Chippendales!
That is our show for tonight.
Get home safe!
No way I'm going home.
I need some dick, stat.
What do you see?
I see a crowd leaving.
And where do you think they're going?
- Home?
- Out to other bars to find men.
What are you getting at?
What I'm getting at is,
why don't they stay here instead?
- We don't allow men in the club.
- For the show.
- But afterward
- If we let in men after the show
- The women would stay.
- We could stay open for hours,
as late as we want.
Men would pay a premium for access
to a room of sexually eager women.
- Definitely.
- Imagine the extra revenue.
We're not talking a 10% boost
to the bottom line.
We're talking 100, 200!
I haven't run the numbers yet,
but maybe, why not?
I hope I didn't overstep.
Hey, it's 10:03.
Come on.
All right.
Walk inside. One at a time.
One at a time.
Wait, is that for him or her?
Okay, guys.
Welcome to the after-party, ladies.
Come on in.
Ten shots of tequila. Okay.
You get her, all right?
All right, guys. Give me one second.
I'll get your change.
All right, five lemon drops right there.
- I'm desperate for singles.
- Okay.
Be right back, Bobby.
Hey, Otis. Hi!
I love you.
- Otis! Hey, man.
- Hey, what's up?
Hey, what are you doing?
I'm helping out a little bit
on the money side.
- You are?
- Yeah.
Yeah, Steve, man,
he's kind of taking me under his wing.
It's amazing, man.
I fucking love this place.
- You wanna know why?
- Not now.
What the fuck is his problem?
Oh. Sorry.
No problem.
- Bobby needs singles at the bar.
- Bartender?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
This is amazing.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
- Do you want spinach, too?
- Yes.
What am I having?
Okay, you're having the dal tadka
and the spinach,
and I also got some Cokes.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
- You like it?
- Mmm-hmm.
It's like 85% as good as my mother's.
But that 15%, you know.
- She used to make this?
- All the time.
When my father and I'd work late,
she would bring a big tin
of it downstairs.
- Downstairs?
- To the printing press.
That was the family business
I used to help out.
Was that what your dad did?
- He still does.
- Yeah?
I come from
four generations of printers.
Three generations of
aluminum siding suppliers.
- No kidding.
- Mmm-hmm.
It's a bit of a point of contention.
How so?
I'm kind of the black sheep
of the family.
Of my four siblings,
I'm the only one who didn't sign on.
When I graduated UW
with my accounting degree,
the assumption was I would work there.
Spend my life doing the books
for good old Tychowsky aluminum siding.
But
That's not what I wanted to do.
I didn't want to be the accountant
for the family business.
I wanted to be a Hollywood accountant.
I know, it's silly.
- No, it's not.
- Yeah.
So on my 22nd birthday, I packed my bags
and I hopped on an Amtrak
bound for Los Angeles.
When I got there,
I applied to every movie studio
and talent agency in town,
and eventually I landed a job
in the accounting department
- of Warner Bros.
- Warner Bros?
It was thrilling.
I would see movie stars all the time,
shooting stuff,
coming onto the lot to take meetings.
One time, I
I helped Lynda Carter find the bathroom.
- Wonder Woman?
- I know, right?
She didn't know where it was,
so I took her to it.
Did you say anything?
Did you say, "I love Wonder Woman"?
I got so nervous.
I just said, "I hope it goes well."
Soon after that,
I got laid off and I couldn't find
an accounting job in Hollywood anywhere.
And I got desperate
and took one with a landscaping company.
Missed the glamour and the excitement.
And then Chippendales came along.
He gave you that look, ladies.
You know what that look means.
It's about to get nasty over here.
With four half-naked dudes behind Otis,
there's no telling what could happen.
Get under that cape.
Here we go.
Hot-cha-cha! Give it up for Otis!
He just left to get some
fresh ChapStick.
Ladies, it's time for the Kiss and Tip!
Get that money out
and get those lips ready.
The more you move, more they sweat,
more you sweat, hotter it gets.
The hotter it gets,
the more clothes come off.
Let's go!
Hey, what are you doing?
Where are you Otis?
Every woman has
their dream fulfilled tonight.
Make it loud for Otis!
Enjoy your life, ladies.
It doesn't get any better than this.
But wait, it does!
Welcome back to the stage, Otis!
The man, the myth, the legend.
Half man, half-naked, half-ready
to grind on you against a pole.
Right on cue, baby!
Up and down, down and up.
Get out that money and live your life.
Ladies, here he is.
Our special guest cashier!
- I've got $5.
- Who's next?
- Me, me!
- Otis, over here!
I'm next! I'm next!
Okay, one at a time.
Thank you.
Steve, can I have a word?
Thank you.
He's supposed to do Kiss and Tip.
It's part of the show.
This is just a one-time thing.
Great way to open the gift shop.
What's this about you
taking him under your wing?
He's just helping
on the business side a bit.
Inventory, marketing, bookkeeping.
That's it.
Could you maybe find somebody for that
who's not my most popular dancer?
Calm down, okay?
- The interest is coming from him.
- Oh.
His ambitions are bigger
than just being some dancer.
- Hey, Nick.
- Vodka tonic.
- Bobby. Hold the tonic.
- Yup.
Yes, sir.
Don't tell me
you're fucking working now.
You're a hard man to compliment.
Try again.
Well, I just wanted to tell you
that I'm obsessed with this place.
- Thank you.
- I fucking love this place.
The fantasy aspect.
The reversal of male
and female power dynamics.
Are you kidding?
And the fucking bodies.
Forgive me for stating the obvious,
but I think you really have something.
- Do you now?
- Yeah.
This could be huge.
This could be global.
Chippendales, this could be a chain.
Anywhere that there are women
who want to cut loose
and finally take control
of things, like men, for a night. Huge.
What's your name?
- Denise Coughlan.
- Denise Coughlan.
Nick De Noia.
Nick De Noia.
What is your deal?
My deal? What is my deal?
Who are you?
I guess you could say I'm a showbiz guy.
Whose idea was this? This whole
Who came up with this?
Let's just say I found a lump of coal
and turned it into a diamond.
So you're the director?
You're the producer?
Are you the choreographer?
D. All of the above.
- No shit.
- Yep.
So I'm guessing
you must have the authority
to make certain hiring decisions.
You know, I had a feeling
this wasn't just a dick suck.
This place and me here.
This is fate.
- I need to work here.
- Oh.
You need me to be working here.
- Is that so?
- Yes, it is, Nick De Noia.
And pray tell, Denise Coughlan,
exactly what services
would you be providing?
Well, shit, I can wrangle these
strippers, I can fetch coffee.
I mean, I'm a vision facilitator.
A costume designer.
- Especially costume designer.
- You're a costume designer?
Yeah, I'm a receptionist by trade,
but I
Fashion is my passion.
- You don't say.
- Yes.
I custom stud.
I appliqué jackets, capes.
I even had my own clothing line
- for a while.
- Your own line?
Yeah. I'm a fucking magician
with a sewing machine.
I could make the craziest shit
for this place, which you could use.
Really? And what's that
supposed to mean?
I mean, the costumes are
- Excuse me?
- They're the weak link.
- Really?
- They're just so generic.
It's expensive shit.
It's expensive "shit."
It's not innovative.
It's not original.
It's not You need
You need that "wow" factor.
Like the rest of the show.
That you can provide with your stud gun?
You leave me no choice.
Yum. Let me borrow you.
- Looking good, Richie.
- Ooh! Richie!
The pants.
I can't tell you how many times
I've had a stripper in my face
and I couldn't get his pants off.
Because the problem is,
you can't get them off over his shoes.
It's a major pain in the ass,
not to mention, as a performance aspect,
it's not very slick.
It's not sexy.
You're fumbling around.
But fortunately,
I came up with a solution.
Presenting
Breakaway pants.
Those should be the mugs.
No, these are the T-shirts.
I think those are the mugs.
We are hiring this woman.
Hi, Denise Coughlan,
medical receptionist. FIT dropout.
She's a costume designer
and stone-cold genius.
Fucking breakaway pants.
Game-changer.
I'm sorry.
I can't add another salary to payroll.
We need her. I need her.
The answer is no.
So let me get this straight.
- You steal my best dancer
- I did not steal anybody.
Bring her on or I walk.
Is that a threat?
It's a promise.
We should hire her.
Costumes, alterations, cleaning,
we outsource all of that.
If we had someone in-house,
that would probably save us
a fortune in the long run.
Besides, it would be nice
to have another girl around.
Well, what do you say, Steve?
Only because it makes financial sense.
Only because it makes sense.
This is the best decision
you've ever made.
I'm not going to let you down, sir.
Sister!
This is it.
This is the team.
You know, these are really beautiful.
Thank you.