Westside (2018) s01e02 Episode Script
Episode 2
1 - [Austin.]
Mm, yeah! - [upbeat music playing.]
Yeah [snapping and scatting.]
Oh! Ooh [woman.]
Hold that.
[Austin.]
When I pull up on a motorcycle [woman.]
Hold, hold, hold.
in Swarovski-covered diamond heels [camera shutter clicking.]
women don't know whether they want to fuck me or tell me their problems.
[woman.]
Hold that.
Perfect.
[Austin.]
So they do both.
And the same goes for guys.
[woman.]
Hold that, both of you.
Perfect.
[Austin.]
I'm an experience.
Hey, is this where the shoot's happening? - [Austin.]
What up, bro? - [chuckles.]
Yeah.
- [Austin.]
Leo! - Come on.
How you doing? - [Leo.]
Good to see you.
- How you been? Awesome.
- [Leo.]
You're just covered in fur.
- You know.
[Leo.]
Fur on top, fur to the side.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't mind me.
This is what I wear to go to work and make that money so I can come over here and play [Austin.]
You look like you're dancing tonight.
There's this thing called a wedding.
I got work to do, man.
This is my job.
So I brought something.
I can't come empty-handed.
- What? What did you bring? - When I was doing all of this [laughs.]
This is actually a piece for your neck - that I wore for a Prince tribute.
- Dude, what? So Gita, he actually makes custom He made custom clothes for Prince when he was alive.
- Wait are you serious? - That's why I bought this, and I was like, "Mmm.
" - Dude, that is - I knew I was coming here, so I was like, "Fuck it, I might as well give him something.
" - No, dude.
Are you serious? - Not give, I'm gonna let you rock it.
See how I feel it looks, and I'll decide if I want to give it to you.
Dude, this is sexy.
How do you feel about everyone turning up on you? - That [laughs.]
- Oh, yeah.
[Leo.]
That shit was crazy, though.
I wasn't expecting that shit to happen.
- [Austin.]
You mean workshop? - [Leo.]
With you and James.
[Austin.]
Yeah, with Dude, I mean Like I said, it's I respect and appreciate other people's opinions.
I'm gonna do what I do and do it on my own.
If people take that as one-upping, then that's how they take it.
Don't fucking let anything anything, take away from what you already have.
The swag that you have.
The balls that you have, dawg.
I'm fighting as hard as I can to sag as hard as you.
Do you know what I'm saying? Do you know what I mean? Because I see myself in you.
And that's why, like, I really don't want you to get caught up - in other people's disbelief.
- Yeah.
Totally.
'Cause that's all we have, is the belief in ourselves.
If we don't, then who the fuck are Why why are we doing this? - [Austin.]
Amen.
- You know what I'm saying? [chuckles.]
[Austin.]
We gotta get you in some of these pieces.
- [Leo.]
I wanted to try on some furs.
- I was about to say.
I mean, obviously, you're the one that's on the fur tip.
Right here, right? You know what it is.
You can't invite me to a photo shoot and not take photos.
Absolutely.
[camera shutter clicks.]
[helicopter blades whirring.]
[lively piano music playing.]
[Sean.]
What I need is to show something that we could say, "Hey, here are nine stories, here are nine original songs.
" And then, you know, the sky's the limit from there.
We have investors who are really interested in this project and we have a space that we want to put it into.
1 OAK up on Sunset.
Um [clears throat.]
So they kinda need to see if there's something there or not.
What I would love for you is to lead the music section of this and and really help with the creative.
I don't know that I've done a process exactly like this.
Which I think is really exciting.
We just had our first workshop with Susan Batson.
She was like, "Who are you? What is the story you want to tell?" And that's exactly what we wanted to break down.
Here's your your tea.
[Michael.]
How was your first workshop? There was, like, some question "What did you want to do to the person that hurt you the most?" And [clears throat.]
You know who that is.
- Yeah.
- You know.
I don't even want to admit this shit to myself, so You know I don't like crying.
I don't like festering in my emotions too much, and that's exactly what it was.
That's what a lot of your writing is about.
Don't you think it would be good to, like acknowledge it, let it out? I've worked my ass off to get to this point, to be able to pull the connections and find the talent and really kinda gain the confidence myself to be like, "It's my turn.
" You know? What's the schedule? Our next workshop, we're going to do it at Capitol Records.
We have an amazing space.
Um But I've given everyone the homework assignment of, uh of writing a monologue and, uh, and of of who they are.
They're gonna be coming prepared with that and then a song of their choice.
A song that they've written.
But I'm just letting you know that there are some personalities we might have to maneuver around.
In order to build a sense of ensemble, we have to get everyone on the same page.
So we've got like six, seven weeks.
[gulls calling.]
[James.]
This is as good as it gets, right here.
Did I tell you, the first time I saw the Hollywood sign, I was like "Oh, holy shit, I'm here!" And now, whenever I see it, I'm like, "Fucking [scoffs.]
Hollywood sign.
" [helicopter blades whirring.]
[James.]
Know how we were talking about how I'm an attention whore? [Yas.]
Yeah.
I don't know how to want to do what I'm doing and not have it be like, unhealthy like that.
I don't think there's a way to be an artist and not want attention at some point.
I was hoping you'd say something like, "You're an attention whore, - but you're my attention whore.
" - [chuckles.]
I was thinking a lot about the exchange between me and Austin last night.
Fuck you for that.
It's fucking bullshit, dude.
- I'm sitting here giving you my - [sighs.]
I really regret not being able to sit there and let him do his thing.
I'd like to think that my motivations were pure, but I don't think they really were.
I think part of it was that I was jealous that I can't do that, you know? I can't sit there and call my mom on stage in front of everybody.
The exercise was read these words and try to give them life.
- [Yas.]
Well, he broke the rules.
- I know.
In my head, I was like, "Well, then why did you give us words and tell us to learn them?" If what you wanted was for us to be real, you could have said, "James, go stand over there, start talking about your life and, midway through it, cut the bullshit and just fucking go for it and be yourself.
" I'm like, "All right.
'Cause I will literally destroy everything in this room right now if you want to know how I feel.
" - [Yas.]
Why are you so mad? - I don't know.
Well, maybe you should think about that.
- [James.]
He's letting his freak flag fly.
- [Yas.]
Mm-hmm.
And it makes me feel like there's no room for anybody else to do that.
I know I should just be nice to people.
You are nice.
You just go a little crazy sometimes.
[James.]
That's the Hollywood Bowl.
I'm gonna play there someday.
[police siren wailing in distance.]
- [Pia.]
I have a present for you.
- [Sean.]
Oh, stop it! It's a little wedding gift.
"May each day of your new life together be full of love.
Congratulations.
" I wrote that.
Thank you so much.
- How are you? - I am good.
Do you have, like, a few days off leading up to the wedding? From Friday to Sunday, I'm not thinking about anything - but my family and Andy.
- Good.
It's about you and your husband and this incredible union that you guys are gonna have.
- It's you guys against the world.
- Yeah.
And always put your husband first.
I worked two days after my wedding, - and it made things really difficult, - Uh-huh.
and it started us off on very [chuckling.]
unstable ground.
Jimmy and I started our relationship working together.
And now, we're not working together at all.
I miss you.
We're both always traveling, always in different time zones.
These are the sacrifices that we have to make.
We have to sacrifice ourselves and our feelings.
- [indistinct chatter.]
- I have to get ready to go back on.
Okay, I love you.
ÃÂ I love you.
[smooches.]
Bye.
We're pulled in so many different directions.
You're creating a show now with a bunch of different personalities.
- With this huge week, too.
[chuckles.]
- Yeah.
I'm a little bit more anxious to start this week, because it's like, "Okay, I have to get back to telling my truth.
" - Do I even know how to do that? - Mm-hmm.
I feel like the expectation is so high with me with singing that I'm gonna just completely fall short and they're gonna be like, "She's not good.
" I I defeated myself.
I had a record deal.
I was on tour.
I did all these things and I got in my own way.
[sighs.]
Yeah.
I could have performed way better if I had just believed that I was good enough.
I think that we should really go into the workshop with open mind and vulnerability.
I really want to hold each other accountable for being like, "Hey, you're fucking good enough.
Don't get in your head.
" I just love you and I You're so smart.
And your vision is so incredible, and I do, I really do, trust that.
So - [Sean.]
There was almost a but.
- [laughs.]
- No! - [Sean.]
There was almost a but! [distant siren wailing.]
- [Keith.]
Welcome to Capitol Records.
- [James whoops, claps.]
[Keith.]
Lots of history in this room.
[Arika.]
I just wish I could have been a fly on the wall for the past 100 years.
I'm in a living room Being listened to It's weird to improv In front of people Because you're like I'm singing shit that doesn't make sense And I don't like it [sighs.]
But you're getting better at it.
[Caitlin hums and strums.]
- [Leo.]
We waited for that last bit.
- Come on, girl.
[chuckles.]
[both hum.]
[Caitlin.]
I don't know what to do I don't know what to say [laughs.]
Oh, yeah, ooh - [scatting.]
- Ooh, it's hot.
Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.
[beer can cracks.]
[James, echoing.]
You gotta make friends with the liquor.
Listen to it.
Listen to the liquor.
[indistinct chatter.]
[sighs.]
[sighs deeply.]
[Leo.]
James is ready to go.
I don't know about everyone else, but James James is happy to be here, man.
I'm I'm happy.
ÃÂ I'm happy for you, sir.
Man, I'm just jazzed about being on the show, baby.
- Yeah.
- [laughs.]
Yo, can I have what you have, 'cause, uh, it's it's kicking, and I want to kick.
[James.]
I had it all last night, and it's all gone now! Ah, man.
- [excited chatter.]
- [Keith.]
All right, here we go.
So this show that we're developing is all about each of you taking a moment in the spotlight to share your story.
We're doing a little show-and-tell today.
I know that Sean has asked you to bring in some kind of original song, and I'm also excited to hear these monologues that you've prepared, just so I can get to know you better in that respect as well.
My job here is to facilitate your artistry and to help you - find what's inside you and yank it out.
- [laughs.]
"My job is to fist your artistry.
" Just pull it out.
[Keith.]
Whatever imagery you need to work with,ÃÂ James, is fine by me.
To get whatever's inside of you and pull it out.
- [Keith.]
Yes.
- That's what I heard.
It's what I heard.
[Keith.]
Let's just dive in.
The first one is the song "Belong," which is Pia's song.
That's not fun, to go first.
- [Sean sighs.]
- [slow melody playing on piano.]
[sighs deeply.]
[clears throat.]
Falling Coming down The dream's heavy This roller coaster going round Let it go, let it go I had a vision It was made of shining glass Oh, let it go, let it go I won't never look back Yeah No And I know To let it go Is the hardest thing that I might do When I feel I don't belong anymore [breathes deeply.]
[Keith whistling.]
Yeah! I was shaking like a leaf.
Shaking like a leaf.
[Keith.]
Killed it, though.
You killed it.
Beautiful.
It was beautiful.
How did that feel? That song is about letting go and being on this roller coaster ride and failing and being rejected.
- That was fucking unbelievable.
- [Pia.]
Thank you.
Could you see my hands? No! We were like, "She's really into this, man.
" And it was just, like, really deep.
And I felt it.
[Pia.]
I had the disease to please.
I still do.
I always walk in a room and I'm like, "Am I good enough?" [stammering.]
And, like, that my I'm here now to get rid of that.
- Insecurity? - Yeah.
- Anyone here experience insecurity? - [group chuckling, chattering.]
- [Keith.]
Bravo.
- [Pia.]
Thank you, guys.
- [group applauds.]
- [Pia.]
Thank you.
All right, let's move on.
- Lexi, I believe you were gonna go next.
- [Alexandra exhales deeply.]
- [Keith.]
When did you get to LA? - Three weeks ago.
I grew up in a small town, uh, called Waterloo, Illinois.
There's nothing to do, but drive around and drink beer and listen to music.
I struggled a lot in junior high with, like, trying to fit in and I was always that person that needed a whole bunch of friends and needed people to like me.
I still see some of that in myself now.
Moving out here, that was a really, really hard thing for me.
I'm in a really scary place right now, by uprooting my entire life, leaving my boyfriend, leaving my comfort zone.
- [plane engine roars.]
- Leaving everything I've ever known.
It's terrifying.
[dog barks.]
[man.]
Fish off that bank there, Lexi.
[Alexandra.]
Which one? Right here? [man.]
Yeah.
- [water splashes.]
- [dog barks.]
[Alexandra.]
I've been with Indiana for over five years.
[Indiana.]
What time is your show tonight? [Alexandra.]
Uh, nine till one.
It should be good.
[Indiana.]
I'm sure there'll be a lot of people.
[Alexandra.]
He is my partner in crime and my person that I take on the world with.
[Indiana.]
Want to grab some ice cream? [Alexandra.]
Home is a person, not a place.
And Indy is home for me.
Next week's gonna be a little weird with me leaving.
[Indiana.]
Are you excited? Or nervous? Or [Alexandra.]
Nervous.
Like, I'm super comfortable here.
We have our life set up.
I've got a great band.
I've got places I play all the time.
I'm literally gonna go out there and just completely start over.
[Indiana.]
Right.
And, I mean, obviously, not having you there is gonna suck.
- [acoustic guitar playing.]
- I was made for the light - [plane engine roars.]
- I was made for the show It keeps me up in the night I wish I could, but I can't let it go The only thing I've ever wanted Is to sing my soul I can't see a way around it So I'm stepping out Into the great unknown Where sidewalks are made of glitter And gold And I'm terrified That where I'm headed Is a dead-end road And I've gotta try now Or maybe I'll never know Not sure if it's the right move Not sure if it's the right move But I sure as hell hope [man.]
So is this your official last night? - [Caitlin.]
Yes.
- [man.]
You're leaving? [Caitlin.]
Yes.
[man.]
For real? [Caitlin.]
I'm literally driving to LA in the morning.
- [grunts.]
- [indistinct chatter.]
So, Cait, are you still nervous? I'm sweating right now, because I'm like Usually, I'm just, like, talking, but I'm not talking this loud or manically.
But I can't stop, because I feel like I just drank five cups of coffee.
Mr.
Lush! I just wanted to call and say, "Break a leg!" - [chuckles.]
It is very odd to see you - With clothes on.
Yeah.
- Whoo! [laughs.]
- [Chris chuckles.]
Savannah's trying to make me cry.
I'm sweating through all of my clothing, per usual.
- [Chris.]
Good times.
- [Caitlin.]
Good times.
I grew up in LA.
I realized that, like, the magic of struggling in LA, I could struggle somewhere else.
So that's why I left.
All I wanted was to be performing six days a week doing a show and have a stable income that gives me health insurance.
And then I got it.
But then, you see all the bad sides of that.
I feel like I'm not trying and I'm not changing.
Come here.
- [Chris.]
Can we have sex really quick? - [chuckles.]
No! Everywhere that I walk It's like I'm trailed by your ghost There's a memory on every block And nothing really feels like home I'm tired of learning All the right lines And hanging out in the shadows I'm happier in the spotlight So I'm stepping out Into the great unknown Where the sidewalks are made of glitter And gold And I'm terrified That where I'm headed Is a dead-end road And I've gotta try now Or maybe I'll never know Not sure if it's the right move Not sure if it's the right move But I sure as hell hope Ooh, the voice in my head Says I've gotta get better Yeah, I gotta take my chances It's now or it's never Mm, so I'm stepping out I'm stepping out I gotta try now Or maybe I'll never know Not sure if it's the right move Not sure if it's the right move But I sure as hell hope What I really want to accomplish is figuring out who I am as an artist, figuring out who I am as a person.
You're supposed to be here.
I like that you just don't need to try.
You just need to show up, and you just were and you were present, and that's what really got me.
Don't ever, ever let this fucking city change you.
[softly.]
Thank you guys so much.
- Now listen, we're your original friends.
- [chuckles.]
When people want to be your friend because of how amazing you are, you just remember that we come first.
Okay, that's bullshit.
We come first.
- [group applauding.]
- [guitar playing.]
[Keith.]
Next, "Bad Motherfucker.
" The piano is a piece of furniture.
There is something inherently un- "Bad Motherfucker" about it.
[Caitlin laughs.]
[Keith.]
It needs a guitar thematically.
- [piano plays.]
- [guitar strums.]
[James.]
I wanna put on my special invisibility glasses.
- Do you want me to just do it? - [Keith.]
I do.
- All right.
- [strumming.]
Well, it's another hot day In Hollywood Being broke and looking good The only two things I can seem to do these days Well, I'm waiting on That private plane That I dreamed about But it never came So I'm grounded here With the same old dreams again [piano playing.]
Someday, I'm gonna scale these walls Singing, "Hallelujah, Mama Fuck it all" Because I'm a bad motherfucker And I'm tired Of acting like I'm not Yeah, said I'm a bad motherfucker And I'm tired Of acting like I'm not [birds calling.]
[James.]
What a weird feeling.
Fucking fuck you.
[laughs.]
[inhales sharply.]
Oh, man, what a shitshow.
God, I hated high school.
It's been a long road.
Man, I just got like a fucking flood of memories.
I went from a really drug-addled 17-year-old boy to a slightly less drug-addled 29-year-old man.
When in high school, I used to roll to parties with just a big bottle of, like, three-dollar champagne and just sip on my bottle of champagne.
[chuckles.]
That shit gets you drunk fast.
I've always been a leader.
Never a follower, never a joiner.
That's my old house.
My father basically raised me and my sister alone for the most part.
My mom was always moving.
That window over there was my room and I used to keep tinfoil over my windows so that, like, it would stay pitch black in my room during the day.
I've lived in a van.
I've worked really shitty jobs.
I've had to steal from the grocery store to feed myself.
[train whistle blows.]
My greatest, long-lasting, persistent fear is that the things that I create won't matter.
I'm a bad motherfucker and I'm tired Of acting like I'm not, yeah Said I'm a bad motherfucker And I'm tired Of acting like I'm not Said I'm a bad motherfucker Yeah, I'm tired of acting like I'm not I'm a bad motherfucker, yeah I'm, I'm, I'm a bad motherfucker Yeah I'm a bad motherfucker, yeah - [Keith.]
Yeah, you are.
- [group cheers.]
[Keith.]
Super.
Oh, yeah.
That's it.
- [Caitlin.]
Damn.
- [Pia.]
Yeah.
[Keith.]
Sit down.
- Take a breath.
- [Caitlin chuckles.]
[James.]
That felt reallyÃÂ fucking good.
[Keith.]
So that felt really fucking good for him.
[Caitlin.]
For everyone.
I didn't know his voice was that good until now.
I mean, that's I have to tell you, like, it just, like, sometimes it fucking kills me that not a billion people have heard that song, you know? [voice trembling.]
It fucking tears me up inside sometimes, you know? I just want people to fucking hear it so bad.
You know.
Why? Because it fucking matters so much that people have get to say that after a fucking shitty day at work, you know? Like just fucking crank it up and say, "I'm a bad motherfucker and I'm tired of acting like I'm not.
" I think that's beautifully put.
- Thank you.
- So this is - really fucking cool.
- [all laugh.]
- [group applauds.]
- [Pia.]
Yeah, James! [Arika.]
You're the baddest motherfucker.
For sure, for sure.
[Keith.]
All right, let's move on.
Remind us what this song's called.
It's called "Go.
" Go? G-O? - [Arika.]
Yep.
- Let's do it.
[soft, slow melody playing.]
[vocalizing.]
Stuck here staring out the windowpane And I hate This view In the remnants That you left of yourself I hold on To you But I'll be damned, damned If I let you slip away I need you here with me But you never seem to stay And I hope you know You took a piece of my soul When you went Away Go, go, go, go Go until you come back Go, go, go, go Go until you come back Go, go, go, go Go until you come back Go Baby, go Go, go, go, go Go - [Alexandra.]
Yeah.
- [Keith.]
Yeah, Arika! [Arika chuckles.]
[Keith.]
Who is this song about? Um, my mothers.
I've had two in my life.
My biological mother, who left when I was six, and then my stepmother, who I had for seven years, who also left when we got evicted from my house.
This shit is my fuck you to both of them.
[Keith.]
Some of these songs have been very poetic.
This is so direct.
It really begs the question, why? [clicks tongue.]
Um I didn't have, like, roots or a home.
So I've always kind of [sniffles.]
battled with how people perceive me, but I also never really gave a fuck enough to change.
[crying.]
And I remember, I would just kinda get so angry with myself and angry at life [sniffles.]
and angry with God for, um putting me in a situation of being so alone.
And I've always had such a big fucking heart.
Me and my dad have been best friends.
He's been my only best friend.
He's the only person that knows everything about me and the only person who hasn't used what I've been through to hurt me.
I've never said all this shit to nobody.
I really haven't.
I don't like to talk about this shit like that.
[sobbing.]
It's like, "Fuck.
" [group applauds.]
[Arika.]
It puts me in a place that's real vulnerable.
I'm not looking for fake sympathy.
I say this shit because hearing someone else's truth, a lot of times, can, like, shine a light on yours.
Thank you all so much.
That concludes our show-and-tell, share-and-tell, portion of the day.
And we're going to start to mine our lives for the truths we want to share in this show.
So these monologues are gonna form the foundation of that work.
Um Who wants to share first? You all have a monologue to read? [Caitlin.]
Nope.
[James laughs.]
[Caitlin.]
No.
[Keith.]
Who didn't write a monologue? [Sean sighs deeply, huffs.]
That's kind of a waste.
I want to say this because it's weighing on me right now, and I just want to get it off my chest before we continue the creative process.
But I I guess I'm a little disappointed that no one did the monologue.
Like, all I keep thinking right now is that we're we're sitting inside Capitol Records with Keith Harrison and we had a specific assignment.
This, to me, is not a joke.
This isn't someone's grandma's basement.
That is not lost on any of us.
You worded it all wrong in your email.
You basically outlined that it wasn't that big of a deal in the email.
- You're contradicting yourself.
- [Sean.]
Okay.
- James, I'm gonna read my email.
- Okay, read it to me.
It's not lost on us that we're in Capitol Records, Sean.
You don't have to put on your fucking producer pants and be like the big guy who has the authoritarian position.
- [Sean.]
James, I appreciate you doing - No, you don't.
Yeah, James, don't fucking just like speak out of line when you're just You're trying to - Speak out of turn? - [Sean.]
Yeah.
You want me to get in line and be your little bitch? James, I am a producer and I'm putting you in this spot and I'm giving you a job, so I am putting on my producer hat.
- [Austin.]
Were you threatening his job? - [Sean.]
No, I'm not.
- [Austin.]
Okay.
- I'm saying I gave him a job.
That when I put on And what is [stammers.]
[Austin.]
Sorry, that came off like you almost threatened I'm telling James that this opportunity and the reason why he's here is is because I I created this.
This is like the only thing that's happening in my life right now.
You have no idea.
I was, like, over there crying, talking about how much this means to me, that I have this opportunity to sing this song right now.
[Sean.]
Believe me, I I know that everyone's heart is in this, but when there's an assignment or a request for Keith's time to be able to to work with us, that's how I interpreted that.
I'm disappointed that just no one A majority of everyone raised their hand and didn't do a monologue.
[upbeat music playing.]
[horns blaring.]
[gulls calling.]
[drums playing.]
- [Arika.]
Hey! - [Taz.]
Yeah! Go, Arika! Hey, fucking, yeah! Hey! Hey! Hey! Yeah.
[Taz.]
That was so cool! - [Arika.]
A little baby something.
- [Taz.]
That was dope.
[Alexandra.]
We went out, me and both my roommates, and Scotty goes, "Oh, that guy's looking at you.
" And I was like, "Okay, cool, like I care.
" He starts talking to me, and his friend walks up afterwards and he was like, "Oh, so we're both going for the same guy.
" - [gasps.]
- And I said - "What?" - [both laugh.]
[Taz.]
It's LA.
- [Alexandra.]
Oh, my God, it was so funny.
- It is LA.
[Arika.]
I love everybody.
You know, I think everyone's freaking dope as hell, but it's Working together is like a whole new thing.
- Mm-hmm.
- [Arika.]
For sure.
I can write better when I'm comfortable with the people that I'm writing around.
- Same.
- So I'm Okay, I'm closest with you two.
- Yeah.
- And Austin.
So I am going to be a better cowrite with you three than I am with James.
[Taz.]
I feel a little intimidated by him.
Yeah, 'cause he's gonna pop off.
- [Alexandra.]
Right, he pops off.
- [Arika.]
He does.
Consistently.
He's sensitive about his shit.
- [laughs.]
- I like how you put that.
I'm serious.
It's true, though.
We should have a girls' night.
- Yeah, we should.
A realÃÂ girls' night.
- [Taz.]
Like a real Like a real girls' night where, like, we can drink and chill and have fun.
I wanna get the other girls involved, too.
- Like Pia.
We need to hang out.
- [Taz.]
Pia's doing her thing right now.
- She gets her makeup done every day.
- [Alexandra.]
Every day? - I'm like, "Lord, bring down" - Every day? - She's living the life.
- [Taz.]
Yeah.
[plane engine roars.]
[Pia.]
The other cast members think I have it all.
You know, with having a record deal.
- [man.]
Get your vocal, baby.
- Check.
But a lot of sacrifices have to be made when you're pursuing your dreams.
[indistinct chatter.]
Right, this one's an original of mine.
It's called "You'll Be King.
" - [playing slow ballad.]
- [Pia vocalizing.]
Watch you mess your hair And shield your eyes Dress yourself, rehearse You fix your smile The darkest night I've been flying back and forth to New York singing in my old wedding band to pay the bills.
I fix my hair You touch my cheek that way This fever burning Like the summer rays And you'll be king I'm gonna swallow my pride and I'm gonna do this job and I'm gonna give it 110%.
And you'll be king I think that's what I'm looking to get out of this live show.
I finally had to take a leap of faith and trust that this is going to happen.
You'll be king You'll be king [dance music playing on radio.]
[Carly.]
Eight ball's in the middle.
- [Leo.]
I know how to do it.
- [Carly.]
Okay.
- [Carly.]
Ooh, baby.
- [Leo.]
Come on! I whacked that shit.
[Carly.]
Sometimes, it takes more than just whacking it.
[laughs.]
I know.
[Carly.]
Ooh! All the better to make the balls in the hole.
[Carly.]
Where'd that come from? - [whispers.]
The heart.
- [Carly giggles.]
- You're the worst.
- Move, please.
- Mm, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
- [Carly.]
So when's your next workshop? Um - You don't know when it is? - I don't know when it is.
- I'll probably check the email.
- [Leo.]
You'll probably I mean [giggling.]
See, like, though, if you leave it to me, I'm gonna fuck it up.
[Carly.]
I know.
Based off what you did last time, your workshops are productive? The second we started doing music, I was like, "Fuck, yeah.
" It's just when I hear other people's stories, I'm like, "Fuck.
" [Carly.]
I know, you said you heard everybody's story at the workshop, and - It hurts.
- [Carly.]
it was hard to hear, but [Leo.]
And then you try and compare your shit to that.
- It's like - [Carly.]
You can't compare.
I know you're not supposed to compare, but I'm like [Carly.]
Your shit's your shit.
Their shit is their shit.
- [sighs.]
- [Carly.]
Everybody's working through it and just trying to get by, you know.
[Leo.]
Yeah, you're right.
When I was in the boy band I was exposed to a lot of really powerful people at a really young age.
I never really allowed myself to to think that I failed.
I want to achieve my ultimate goal, but there's a part of me that's afraid.
It's afraid of succeeding.
It's afraid of failing.
It's afraid of even stepping out onto a stage.
[sirens wailing in distance.]
[Yas.]
You didn't look very good this morning.
I was just thinking that I haven't seen you sober in over 24 hours.
[James.]
Yeah? What time did I go to bed? 7:40.
- 7:40.
- Or eight o'clock.
Didn't quite make it to 8 a.
m.
You know that they started selling liquor at 6 a.
m.
in the morning? I caught sight of myself in car windows when I was walking home with a case of beer, like "Oh, boy, this is it.
" [chuckles.]
- It's not even funny.
- I know.
I'm sorry.
I had a different family than you did.
What does that have to do with anything? I think it does.
I have a good family.
- I know - They certainly didn't encourage me to hole up and do, um binge-drinking sessions and drugs and the such.
I woke up and I was like, "Where the fuck is this motherfucker?" If I would have come home at like three in the morning? I don't think that the problem is the time that you came home.
I think the problem is that you did the same thing the night before.
This morning coming home sun is rising on Hollywood Boulevard, no one's out there.
I put on my sunglasses and I'm walking down the street, and it was really, really beautiful and I had this like this like heavy, like [stammers.]
like oppressive guilt and, like, feeling like all like I did something really wrong, right? And I saw the sun coming up and I looked up and down Hollywood Boulevard, and it was so beautiful, and I just wanted to take just a second and not feel guilty.
So I just stopped.
And I realized that I really felt, like, really good.
You know? Like I was really happy.
I know that feeling.
I don't want to be in this position where I am the one telling you what's wrong.
I don't wanna feel like that.
I know that it's wrong.
That's why I apologize to you.
Yeah, but you keep on doing it, so what It's not [sighs.]
It doesn't mean anything.
I just drink too much.
I still love you.
[motorcycle engine revs.]
[engine revving.]
[static buzzing.]
[indistinct chatter over radio.]
All I wanna be, all I wanna be [upbeat music playing.]
[Sean.]
That's my old headshot.
Does it still look like me? No, you have, like, 7,000 more freckles on your face.
- They took them out.
- I know.
And they also brushed in a little spot on my forehead, which they said was balding, but it's not balding.
- It's just where my hair parts.
- It looks red right there.
Yeah.
"Bringam Young.
" It's Brigham Young, isn't it? Brigham Young.
Bring 'em.
- Bring 'em.
- [chuckles.]
Bring 'em.
- I thought it was B-R-I-G-H-A-M.
- Can you focus, please? Yeah.
[Sean.]
I'm, like, so overwhelmed.
Me being the producer of the show, but also in the show, it's a really difficult balance that I'm trying to figure out, because if there's not a level of respect and understanding for each other, like, we're not gonna have a show.
[sighs.]
I told James I was like We had a conversation afterwards, and I was like "Listen, you and I We have a history and a past and a friendship and a foundation.
If you disagree with me, you and I can go off to the side and fucking fight, fistfight, until, like, we're both crying and hugging it out, but you can never ever, ever disrespect me in front of my cast ever again.
And the fact that he did that then opened up Austin being like, "Whoa, man! Are you gonna fire him?" And everyone else was like, "What's going on?" And I was also like, "Dude, like, what? Like, we've come so far, and I want you here.
Why would you think that Why would you betray me like that in front of everyone else? You have an issue with me, we'll talk about it outside.
" But in front of everyone else and then saying I'm putting on the producer hat? Yeah, I am putting on the fucking producer hat.
- You're the producer! - I'm the producer.
And I fucking hired you.
I've been trying to be very democratic and I need to stop worrying about being so democratic.
But sometimes I have to be okay with being an asshole and, like, thinking about what's best and not thinking about someone's feelings.
You need to be an asshole sometimes, because life is an asshole.
And also people don't need to be coddled - Yeah.
- constantly.
As the person that's putting on this show, the person that's responsible for the fucking cast, for the venue, for the finances, for the choreographer, for the musical director, as a person that's making everything else happen so that we have a show to put up I know.
Our cast need to fucking deliver.
At the end of the day, this isn't a fucking joke.
Your anxiety is making me hyped up right now.
- I'm sorry, it's been keeping me up.
- It's been killing me, too.
You know, if the freaking talent is not incredible, then we're a failure.
I'm a failure.
I just want to live forever Shine so bright and never die Dance across the world beneath me Or at least to say I tried So I pray for something better See it when I close my eyes Count my blessings till I get there After such a lonely ride Through the years of this machine These California dreams And turn me Into who I'm supposed to be The face on every screen The captain of the team This town will make me wait forever All I wanna be, all I wanna be All I ever wanna be, baby Is more More than a number They will remember All I wanna be, all I wanna be All I ever wanna be, baby Is more Is more More, more You know I've heard a million reasons I should turn and walk away Count my chips and leave the table But the hurt just makes me stay They say time will tell the story I ain't got no crystal ball But hand to God, I hope it's worth it Pick the lock I've gotta break through The gears of this machine These California dreams And turn me into Who I'm supposed to be The face on every screen The captain of the team This town will make me wait forever All I wanna be, all I wanna be All I ever wanna be, baby Is more More than a number They will remember All I wanna be, all I wanna be All I ever wanna be, baby Is more More than a heartbeat Walking the same street So, baby Let's run till our tears are dry Till the spark In our soul is electrified Singing ooh Ooh Because all I wanna be, all I wanna be All I ever wanna be, baby Is more Is more More, more If I had the keys to forever Would I last a day? If the game was set to beginner Would I even play? - Would I even play? - I could waste a lifetime pretending I could walk away How long will you make me pay? All I wanna be, all I wanna be All I ever wanna be, baby Is more More than a number They will remember All I wanna be, all I wanna be All I ever wanna be, baby Is more Is more More, more - [crowd cheers.]
- [man.]
Yeah!
Mm, yeah! - [upbeat music playing.]
Yeah [snapping and scatting.]
Oh! Ooh [woman.]
Hold that.
[Austin.]
When I pull up on a motorcycle [woman.]
Hold, hold, hold.
in Swarovski-covered diamond heels [camera shutter clicking.]
women don't know whether they want to fuck me or tell me their problems.
[woman.]
Hold that.
Perfect.
[Austin.]
So they do both.
And the same goes for guys.
[woman.]
Hold that, both of you.
Perfect.
[Austin.]
I'm an experience.
Hey, is this where the shoot's happening? - [Austin.]
What up, bro? - [chuckles.]
Yeah.
- [Austin.]
Leo! - Come on.
How you doing? - [Leo.]
Good to see you.
- How you been? Awesome.
- [Leo.]
You're just covered in fur.
- You know.
[Leo.]
Fur on top, fur to the side.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't mind me.
This is what I wear to go to work and make that money so I can come over here and play [Austin.]
You look like you're dancing tonight.
There's this thing called a wedding.
I got work to do, man.
This is my job.
So I brought something.
I can't come empty-handed.
- What? What did you bring? - When I was doing all of this [laughs.]
This is actually a piece for your neck - that I wore for a Prince tribute.
- Dude, what? So Gita, he actually makes custom He made custom clothes for Prince when he was alive.
- Wait are you serious? - That's why I bought this, and I was like, "Mmm.
" - Dude, that is - I knew I was coming here, so I was like, "Fuck it, I might as well give him something.
" - No, dude.
Are you serious? - Not give, I'm gonna let you rock it.
See how I feel it looks, and I'll decide if I want to give it to you.
Dude, this is sexy.
How do you feel about everyone turning up on you? - That [laughs.]
- Oh, yeah.
[Leo.]
That shit was crazy, though.
I wasn't expecting that shit to happen.
- [Austin.]
You mean workshop? - [Leo.]
With you and James.
[Austin.]
Yeah, with Dude, I mean Like I said, it's I respect and appreciate other people's opinions.
I'm gonna do what I do and do it on my own.
If people take that as one-upping, then that's how they take it.
Don't fucking let anything anything, take away from what you already have.
The swag that you have.
The balls that you have, dawg.
I'm fighting as hard as I can to sag as hard as you.
Do you know what I'm saying? Do you know what I mean? Because I see myself in you.
And that's why, like, I really don't want you to get caught up - in other people's disbelief.
- Yeah.
Totally.
'Cause that's all we have, is the belief in ourselves.
If we don't, then who the fuck are Why why are we doing this? - [Austin.]
Amen.
- You know what I'm saying? [chuckles.]
[Austin.]
We gotta get you in some of these pieces.
- [Leo.]
I wanted to try on some furs.
- I was about to say.
I mean, obviously, you're the one that's on the fur tip.
Right here, right? You know what it is.
You can't invite me to a photo shoot and not take photos.
Absolutely.
[camera shutter clicks.]
[helicopter blades whirring.]
[lively piano music playing.]
[Sean.]
What I need is to show something that we could say, "Hey, here are nine stories, here are nine original songs.
" And then, you know, the sky's the limit from there.
We have investors who are really interested in this project and we have a space that we want to put it into.
1 OAK up on Sunset.
Um [clears throat.]
So they kinda need to see if there's something there or not.
What I would love for you is to lead the music section of this and and really help with the creative.
I don't know that I've done a process exactly like this.
Which I think is really exciting.
We just had our first workshop with Susan Batson.
She was like, "Who are you? What is the story you want to tell?" And that's exactly what we wanted to break down.
Here's your your tea.
[Michael.]
How was your first workshop? There was, like, some question "What did you want to do to the person that hurt you the most?" And [clears throat.]
You know who that is.
- Yeah.
- You know.
I don't even want to admit this shit to myself, so You know I don't like crying.
I don't like festering in my emotions too much, and that's exactly what it was.
That's what a lot of your writing is about.
Don't you think it would be good to, like acknowledge it, let it out? I've worked my ass off to get to this point, to be able to pull the connections and find the talent and really kinda gain the confidence myself to be like, "It's my turn.
" You know? What's the schedule? Our next workshop, we're going to do it at Capitol Records.
We have an amazing space.
Um But I've given everyone the homework assignment of, uh of writing a monologue and, uh, and of of who they are.
They're gonna be coming prepared with that and then a song of their choice.
A song that they've written.
But I'm just letting you know that there are some personalities we might have to maneuver around.
In order to build a sense of ensemble, we have to get everyone on the same page.
So we've got like six, seven weeks.
[gulls calling.]
[James.]
This is as good as it gets, right here.
Did I tell you, the first time I saw the Hollywood sign, I was like "Oh, holy shit, I'm here!" And now, whenever I see it, I'm like, "Fucking [scoffs.]
Hollywood sign.
" [helicopter blades whirring.]
[James.]
Know how we were talking about how I'm an attention whore? [Yas.]
Yeah.
I don't know how to want to do what I'm doing and not have it be like, unhealthy like that.
I don't think there's a way to be an artist and not want attention at some point.
I was hoping you'd say something like, "You're an attention whore, - but you're my attention whore.
" - [chuckles.]
I was thinking a lot about the exchange between me and Austin last night.
Fuck you for that.
It's fucking bullshit, dude.
- I'm sitting here giving you my - [sighs.]
I really regret not being able to sit there and let him do his thing.
I'd like to think that my motivations were pure, but I don't think they really were.
I think part of it was that I was jealous that I can't do that, you know? I can't sit there and call my mom on stage in front of everybody.
The exercise was read these words and try to give them life.
- [Yas.]
Well, he broke the rules.
- I know.
In my head, I was like, "Well, then why did you give us words and tell us to learn them?" If what you wanted was for us to be real, you could have said, "James, go stand over there, start talking about your life and, midway through it, cut the bullshit and just fucking go for it and be yourself.
" I'm like, "All right.
'Cause I will literally destroy everything in this room right now if you want to know how I feel.
" - [Yas.]
Why are you so mad? - I don't know.
Well, maybe you should think about that.
- [James.]
He's letting his freak flag fly.
- [Yas.]
Mm-hmm.
And it makes me feel like there's no room for anybody else to do that.
I know I should just be nice to people.
You are nice.
You just go a little crazy sometimes.
[James.]
That's the Hollywood Bowl.
I'm gonna play there someday.
[police siren wailing in distance.]
- [Pia.]
I have a present for you.
- [Sean.]
Oh, stop it! It's a little wedding gift.
"May each day of your new life together be full of love.
Congratulations.
" I wrote that.
Thank you so much.
- How are you? - I am good.
Do you have, like, a few days off leading up to the wedding? From Friday to Sunday, I'm not thinking about anything - but my family and Andy.
- Good.
It's about you and your husband and this incredible union that you guys are gonna have.
- It's you guys against the world.
- Yeah.
And always put your husband first.
I worked two days after my wedding, - and it made things really difficult, - Uh-huh.
and it started us off on very [chuckling.]
unstable ground.
Jimmy and I started our relationship working together.
And now, we're not working together at all.
I miss you.
We're both always traveling, always in different time zones.
These are the sacrifices that we have to make.
We have to sacrifice ourselves and our feelings.
- [indistinct chatter.]
- I have to get ready to go back on.
Okay, I love you.
ÃÂ I love you.
[smooches.]
Bye.
We're pulled in so many different directions.
You're creating a show now with a bunch of different personalities.
- With this huge week, too.
[chuckles.]
- Yeah.
I'm a little bit more anxious to start this week, because it's like, "Okay, I have to get back to telling my truth.
" - Do I even know how to do that? - Mm-hmm.
I feel like the expectation is so high with me with singing that I'm gonna just completely fall short and they're gonna be like, "She's not good.
" I I defeated myself.
I had a record deal.
I was on tour.
I did all these things and I got in my own way.
[sighs.]
Yeah.
I could have performed way better if I had just believed that I was good enough.
I think that we should really go into the workshop with open mind and vulnerability.
I really want to hold each other accountable for being like, "Hey, you're fucking good enough.
Don't get in your head.
" I just love you and I You're so smart.
And your vision is so incredible, and I do, I really do, trust that.
So - [Sean.]
There was almost a but.
- [laughs.]
- No! - [Sean.]
There was almost a but! [distant siren wailing.]
- [Keith.]
Welcome to Capitol Records.
- [James whoops, claps.]
[Keith.]
Lots of history in this room.
[Arika.]
I just wish I could have been a fly on the wall for the past 100 years.
I'm in a living room Being listened to It's weird to improv In front of people Because you're like I'm singing shit that doesn't make sense And I don't like it [sighs.]
But you're getting better at it.
[Caitlin hums and strums.]
- [Leo.]
We waited for that last bit.
- Come on, girl.
[chuckles.]
[both hum.]
[Caitlin.]
I don't know what to do I don't know what to say [laughs.]
Oh, yeah, ooh - [scatting.]
- Ooh, it's hot.
Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.
[beer can cracks.]
[James, echoing.]
You gotta make friends with the liquor.
Listen to it.
Listen to the liquor.
[indistinct chatter.]
[sighs.]
[sighs deeply.]
[Leo.]
James is ready to go.
I don't know about everyone else, but James James is happy to be here, man.
I'm I'm happy.
ÃÂ I'm happy for you, sir.
Man, I'm just jazzed about being on the show, baby.
- Yeah.
- [laughs.]
Yo, can I have what you have, 'cause, uh, it's it's kicking, and I want to kick.
[James.]
I had it all last night, and it's all gone now! Ah, man.
- [excited chatter.]
- [Keith.]
All right, here we go.
So this show that we're developing is all about each of you taking a moment in the spotlight to share your story.
We're doing a little show-and-tell today.
I know that Sean has asked you to bring in some kind of original song, and I'm also excited to hear these monologues that you've prepared, just so I can get to know you better in that respect as well.
My job here is to facilitate your artistry and to help you - find what's inside you and yank it out.
- [laughs.]
"My job is to fist your artistry.
" Just pull it out.
[Keith.]
Whatever imagery you need to work with,ÃÂ James, is fine by me.
To get whatever's inside of you and pull it out.
- [Keith.]
Yes.
- That's what I heard.
It's what I heard.
[Keith.]
Let's just dive in.
The first one is the song "Belong," which is Pia's song.
That's not fun, to go first.
- [Sean sighs.]
- [slow melody playing on piano.]
[sighs deeply.]
[clears throat.]
Falling Coming down The dream's heavy This roller coaster going round Let it go, let it go I had a vision It was made of shining glass Oh, let it go, let it go I won't never look back Yeah No And I know To let it go Is the hardest thing that I might do When I feel I don't belong anymore [breathes deeply.]
[Keith whistling.]
Yeah! I was shaking like a leaf.
Shaking like a leaf.
[Keith.]
Killed it, though.
You killed it.
Beautiful.
It was beautiful.
How did that feel? That song is about letting go and being on this roller coaster ride and failing and being rejected.
- That was fucking unbelievable.
- [Pia.]
Thank you.
Could you see my hands? No! We were like, "She's really into this, man.
" And it was just, like, really deep.
And I felt it.
[Pia.]
I had the disease to please.
I still do.
I always walk in a room and I'm like, "Am I good enough?" [stammering.]
And, like, that my I'm here now to get rid of that.
- Insecurity? - Yeah.
- Anyone here experience insecurity? - [group chuckling, chattering.]
- [Keith.]
Bravo.
- [Pia.]
Thank you, guys.
- [group applauds.]
- [Pia.]
Thank you.
All right, let's move on.
- Lexi, I believe you were gonna go next.
- [Alexandra exhales deeply.]
- [Keith.]
When did you get to LA? - Three weeks ago.
I grew up in a small town, uh, called Waterloo, Illinois.
There's nothing to do, but drive around and drink beer and listen to music.
I struggled a lot in junior high with, like, trying to fit in and I was always that person that needed a whole bunch of friends and needed people to like me.
I still see some of that in myself now.
Moving out here, that was a really, really hard thing for me.
I'm in a really scary place right now, by uprooting my entire life, leaving my boyfriend, leaving my comfort zone.
- [plane engine roars.]
- Leaving everything I've ever known.
It's terrifying.
[dog barks.]
[man.]
Fish off that bank there, Lexi.
[Alexandra.]
Which one? Right here? [man.]
Yeah.
- [water splashes.]
- [dog barks.]
[Alexandra.]
I've been with Indiana for over five years.
[Indiana.]
What time is your show tonight? [Alexandra.]
Uh, nine till one.
It should be good.
[Indiana.]
I'm sure there'll be a lot of people.
[Alexandra.]
He is my partner in crime and my person that I take on the world with.
[Indiana.]
Want to grab some ice cream? [Alexandra.]
Home is a person, not a place.
And Indy is home for me.
Next week's gonna be a little weird with me leaving.
[Indiana.]
Are you excited? Or nervous? Or [Alexandra.]
Nervous.
Like, I'm super comfortable here.
We have our life set up.
I've got a great band.
I've got places I play all the time.
I'm literally gonna go out there and just completely start over.
[Indiana.]
Right.
And, I mean, obviously, not having you there is gonna suck.
- [acoustic guitar playing.]
- I was made for the light - [plane engine roars.]
- I was made for the show It keeps me up in the night I wish I could, but I can't let it go The only thing I've ever wanted Is to sing my soul I can't see a way around it So I'm stepping out Into the great unknown Where sidewalks are made of glitter And gold And I'm terrified That where I'm headed Is a dead-end road And I've gotta try now Or maybe I'll never know Not sure if it's the right move Not sure if it's the right move But I sure as hell hope [man.]
So is this your official last night? - [Caitlin.]
Yes.
- [man.]
You're leaving? [Caitlin.]
Yes.
[man.]
For real? [Caitlin.]
I'm literally driving to LA in the morning.
- [grunts.]
- [indistinct chatter.]
So, Cait, are you still nervous? I'm sweating right now, because I'm like Usually, I'm just, like, talking, but I'm not talking this loud or manically.
But I can't stop, because I feel like I just drank five cups of coffee.
Mr.
Lush! I just wanted to call and say, "Break a leg!" - [chuckles.]
It is very odd to see you - With clothes on.
Yeah.
- Whoo! [laughs.]
- [Chris chuckles.]
Savannah's trying to make me cry.
I'm sweating through all of my clothing, per usual.
- [Chris.]
Good times.
- [Caitlin.]
Good times.
I grew up in LA.
I realized that, like, the magic of struggling in LA, I could struggle somewhere else.
So that's why I left.
All I wanted was to be performing six days a week doing a show and have a stable income that gives me health insurance.
And then I got it.
But then, you see all the bad sides of that.
I feel like I'm not trying and I'm not changing.
Come here.
- [Chris.]
Can we have sex really quick? - [chuckles.]
No! Everywhere that I walk It's like I'm trailed by your ghost There's a memory on every block And nothing really feels like home I'm tired of learning All the right lines And hanging out in the shadows I'm happier in the spotlight So I'm stepping out Into the great unknown Where the sidewalks are made of glitter And gold And I'm terrified That where I'm headed Is a dead-end road And I've gotta try now Or maybe I'll never know Not sure if it's the right move Not sure if it's the right move But I sure as hell hope Ooh, the voice in my head Says I've gotta get better Yeah, I gotta take my chances It's now or it's never Mm, so I'm stepping out I'm stepping out I gotta try now Or maybe I'll never know Not sure if it's the right move Not sure if it's the right move But I sure as hell hope What I really want to accomplish is figuring out who I am as an artist, figuring out who I am as a person.
You're supposed to be here.
I like that you just don't need to try.
You just need to show up, and you just were and you were present, and that's what really got me.
Don't ever, ever let this fucking city change you.
[softly.]
Thank you guys so much.
- Now listen, we're your original friends.
- [chuckles.]
When people want to be your friend because of how amazing you are, you just remember that we come first.
Okay, that's bullshit.
We come first.
- [group applauding.]
- [guitar playing.]
[Keith.]
Next, "Bad Motherfucker.
" The piano is a piece of furniture.
There is something inherently un- "Bad Motherfucker" about it.
[Caitlin laughs.]
[Keith.]
It needs a guitar thematically.
- [piano plays.]
- [guitar strums.]
[James.]
I wanna put on my special invisibility glasses.
- Do you want me to just do it? - [Keith.]
I do.
- All right.
- [strumming.]
Well, it's another hot day In Hollywood Being broke and looking good The only two things I can seem to do these days Well, I'm waiting on That private plane That I dreamed about But it never came So I'm grounded here With the same old dreams again [piano playing.]
Someday, I'm gonna scale these walls Singing, "Hallelujah, Mama Fuck it all" Because I'm a bad motherfucker And I'm tired Of acting like I'm not Yeah, said I'm a bad motherfucker And I'm tired Of acting like I'm not [birds calling.]
[James.]
What a weird feeling.
Fucking fuck you.
[laughs.]
[inhales sharply.]
Oh, man, what a shitshow.
God, I hated high school.
It's been a long road.
Man, I just got like a fucking flood of memories.
I went from a really drug-addled 17-year-old boy to a slightly less drug-addled 29-year-old man.
When in high school, I used to roll to parties with just a big bottle of, like, three-dollar champagne and just sip on my bottle of champagne.
[chuckles.]
That shit gets you drunk fast.
I've always been a leader.
Never a follower, never a joiner.
That's my old house.
My father basically raised me and my sister alone for the most part.
My mom was always moving.
That window over there was my room and I used to keep tinfoil over my windows so that, like, it would stay pitch black in my room during the day.
I've lived in a van.
I've worked really shitty jobs.
I've had to steal from the grocery store to feed myself.
[train whistle blows.]
My greatest, long-lasting, persistent fear is that the things that I create won't matter.
I'm a bad motherfucker and I'm tired Of acting like I'm not, yeah Said I'm a bad motherfucker And I'm tired Of acting like I'm not Said I'm a bad motherfucker Yeah, I'm tired of acting like I'm not I'm a bad motherfucker, yeah I'm, I'm, I'm a bad motherfucker Yeah I'm a bad motherfucker, yeah - [Keith.]
Yeah, you are.
- [group cheers.]
[Keith.]
Super.
Oh, yeah.
That's it.
- [Caitlin.]
Damn.
- [Pia.]
Yeah.
[Keith.]
Sit down.
- Take a breath.
- [Caitlin chuckles.]
[James.]
That felt reallyÃÂ fucking good.
[Keith.]
So that felt really fucking good for him.
[Caitlin.]
For everyone.
I didn't know his voice was that good until now.
I mean, that's I have to tell you, like, it just, like, sometimes it fucking kills me that not a billion people have heard that song, you know? [voice trembling.]
It fucking tears me up inside sometimes, you know? I just want people to fucking hear it so bad.
You know.
Why? Because it fucking matters so much that people have get to say that after a fucking shitty day at work, you know? Like just fucking crank it up and say, "I'm a bad motherfucker and I'm tired of acting like I'm not.
" I think that's beautifully put.
- Thank you.
- So this is - really fucking cool.
- [all laugh.]
- [group applauds.]
- [Pia.]
Yeah, James! [Arika.]
You're the baddest motherfucker.
For sure, for sure.
[Keith.]
All right, let's move on.
Remind us what this song's called.
It's called "Go.
" Go? G-O? - [Arika.]
Yep.
- Let's do it.
[soft, slow melody playing.]
[vocalizing.]
Stuck here staring out the windowpane And I hate This view In the remnants That you left of yourself I hold on To you But I'll be damned, damned If I let you slip away I need you here with me But you never seem to stay And I hope you know You took a piece of my soul When you went Away Go, go, go, go Go until you come back Go, go, go, go Go until you come back Go, go, go, go Go until you come back Go Baby, go Go, go, go, go Go - [Alexandra.]
Yeah.
- [Keith.]
Yeah, Arika! [Arika chuckles.]
[Keith.]
Who is this song about? Um, my mothers.
I've had two in my life.
My biological mother, who left when I was six, and then my stepmother, who I had for seven years, who also left when we got evicted from my house.
This shit is my fuck you to both of them.
[Keith.]
Some of these songs have been very poetic.
This is so direct.
It really begs the question, why? [clicks tongue.]
Um I didn't have, like, roots or a home.
So I've always kind of [sniffles.]
battled with how people perceive me, but I also never really gave a fuck enough to change.
[crying.]
And I remember, I would just kinda get so angry with myself and angry at life [sniffles.]
and angry with God for, um putting me in a situation of being so alone.
And I've always had such a big fucking heart.
Me and my dad have been best friends.
He's been my only best friend.
He's the only person that knows everything about me and the only person who hasn't used what I've been through to hurt me.
I've never said all this shit to nobody.
I really haven't.
I don't like to talk about this shit like that.
[sobbing.]
It's like, "Fuck.
" [group applauds.]
[Arika.]
It puts me in a place that's real vulnerable.
I'm not looking for fake sympathy.
I say this shit because hearing someone else's truth, a lot of times, can, like, shine a light on yours.
Thank you all so much.
That concludes our show-and-tell, share-and-tell, portion of the day.
And we're going to start to mine our lives for the truths we want to share in this show.
So these monologues are gonna form the foundation of that work.
Um Who wants to share first? You all have a monologue to read? [Caitlin.]
Nope.
[James laughs.]
[Caitlin.]
No.
[Keith.]
Who didn't write a monologue? [Sean sighs deeply, huffs.]
That's kind of a waste.
I want to say this because it's weighing on me right now, and I just want to get it off my chest before we continue the creative process.
But I I guess I'm a little disappointed that no one did the monologue.
Like, all I keep thinking right now is that we're we're sitting inside Capitol Records with Keith Harrison and we had a specific assignment.
This, to me, is not a joke.
This isn't someone's grandma's basement.
That is not lost on any of us.
You worded it all wrong in your email.
You basically outlined that it wasn't that big of a deal in the email.
- You're contradicting yourself.
- [Sean.]
Okay.
- James, I'm gonna read my email.
- Okay, read it to me.
It's not lost on us that we're in Capitol Records, Sean.
You don't have to put on your fucking producer pants and be like the big guy who has the authoritarian position.
- [Sean.]
James, I appreciate you doing - No, you don't.
Yeah, James, don't fucking just like speak out of line when you're just You're trying to - Speak out of turn? - [Sean.]
Yeah.
You want me to get in line and be your little bitch? James, I am a producer and I'm putting you in this spot and I'm giving you a job, so I am putting on my producer hat.
- [Austin.]
Were you threatening his job? - [Sean.]
No, I'm not.
- [Austin.]
Okay.
- I'm saying I gave him a job.
That when I put on And what is [stammers.]
[Austin.]
Sorry, that came off like you almost threatened I'm telling James that this opportunity and the reason why he's here is is because I I created this.
This is like the only thing that's happening in my life right now.
You have no idea.
I was, like, over there crying, talking about how much this means to me, that I have this opportunity to sing this song right now.
[Sean.]
Believe me, I I know that everyone's heart is in this, but when there's an assignment or a request for Keith's time to be able to to work with us, that's how I interpreted that.
I'm disappointed that just no one A majority of everyone raised their hand and didn't do a monologue.
[upbeat music playing.]
[horns blaring.]
[gulls calling.]
[drums playing.]
- [Arika.]
Hey! - [Taz.]
Yeah! Go, Arika! Hey, fucking, yeah! Hey! Hey! Hey! Yeah.
[Taz.]
That was so cool! - [Arika.]
A little baby something.
- [Taz.]
That was dope.
[Alexandra.]
We went out, me and both my roommates, and Scotty goes, "Oh, that guy's looking at you.
" And I was like, "Okay, cool, like I care.
" He starts talking to me, and his friend walks up afterwards and he was like, "Oh, so we're both going for the same guy.
" - [gasps.]
- And I said - "What?" - [both laugh.]
[Taz.]
It's LA.
- [Alexandra.]
Oh, my God, it was so funny.
- It is LA.
[Arika.]
I love everybody.
You know, I think everyone's freaking dope as hell, but it's Working together is like a whole new thing.
- Mm-hmm.
- [Arika.]
For sure.
I can write better when I'm comfortable with the people that I'm writing around.
- Same.
- So I'm Okay, I'm closest with you two.
- Yeah.
- And Austin.
So I am going to be a better cowrite with you three than I am with James.
[Taz.]
I feel a little intimidated by him.
Yeah, 'cause he's gonna pop off.
- [Alexandra.]
Right, he pops off.
- [Arika.]
He does.
Consistently.
He's sensitive about his shit.
- [laughs.]
- I like how you put that.
I'm serious.
It's true, though.
We should have a girls' night.
- Yeah, we should.
A realÃÂ girls' night.
- [Taz.]
Like a real Like a real girls' night where, like, we can drink and chill and have fun.
I wanna get the other girls involved, too.
- Like Pia.
We need to hang out.
- [Taz.]
Pia's doing her thing right now.
- She gets her makeup done every day.
- [Alexandra.]
Every day? - I'm like, "Lord, bring down" - Every day? - She's living the life.
- [Taz.]
Yeah.
[plane engine roars.]
[Pia.]
The other cast members think I have it all.
You know, with having a record deal.
- [man.]
Get your vocal, baby.
- Check.
But a lot of sacrifices have to be made when you're pursuing your dreams.
[indistinct chatter.]
Right, this one's an original of mine.
It's called "You'll Be King.
" - [playing slow ballad.]
- [Pia vocalizing.]
Watch you mess your hair And shield your eyes Dress yourself, rehearse You fix your smile The darkest night I've been flying back and forth to New York singing in my old wedding band to pay the bills.
I fix my hair You touch my cheek that way This fever burning Like the summer rays And you'll be king I'm gonna swallow my pride and I'm gonna do this job and I'm gonna give it 110%.
And you'll be king I think that's what I'm looking to get out of this live show.
I finally had to take a leap of faith and trust that this is going to happen.
You'll be king You'll be king [dance music playing on radio.]
[Carly.]
Eight ball's in the middle.
- [Leo.]
I know how to do it.
- [Carly.]
Okay.
- [Carly.]
Ooh, baby.
- [Leo.]
Come on! I whacked that shit.
[Carly.]
Sometimes, it takes more than just whacking it.
[laughs.]
I know.
[Carly.]
Ooh! All the better to make the balls in the hole.
[Carly.]
Where'd that come from? - [whispers.]
The heart.
- [Carly giggles.]
- You're the worst.
- Move, please.
- Mm, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
- [Carly.]
So when's your next workshop? Um - You don't know when it is? - I don't know when it is.
- I'll probably check the email.
- [Leo.]
You'll probably I mean [giggling.]
See, like, though, if you leave it to me, I'm gonna fuck it up.
[Carly.]
I know.
Based off what you did last time, your workshops are productive? The second we started doing music, I was like, "Fuck, yeah.
" It's just when I hear other people's stories, I'm like, "Fuck.
" [Carly.]
I know, you said you heard everybody's story at the workshop, and - It hurts.
- [Carly.]
it was hard to hear, but [Leo.]
And then you try and compare your shit to that.
- It's like - [Carly.]
You can't compare.
I know you're not supposed to compare, but I'm like [Carly.]
Your shit's your shit.
Their shit is their shit.
- [sighs.]
- [Carly.]
Everybody's working through it and just trying to get by, you know.
[Leo.]
Yeah, you're right.
When I was in the boy band I was exposed to a lot of really powerful people at a really young age.
I never really allowed myself to to think that I failed.
I want to achieve my ultimate goal, but there's a part of me that's afraid.
It's afraid of succeeding.
It's afraid of failing.
It's afraid of even stepping out onto a stage.
[sirens wailing in distance.]
[Yas.]
You didn't look very good this morning.
I was just thinking that I haven't seen you sober in over 24 hours.
[James.]
Yeah? What time did I go to bed? 7:40.
- 7:40.
- Or eight o'clock.
Didn't quite make it to 8 a.
m.
You know that they started selling liquor at 6 a.
m.
in the morning? I caught sight of myself in car windows when I was walking home with a case of beer, like "Oh, boy, this is it.
" [chuckles.]
- It's not even funny.
- I know.
I'm sorry.
I had a different family than you did.
What does that have to do with anything? I think it does.
I have a good family.
- I know - They certainly didn't encourage me to hole up and do, um binge-drinking sessions and drugs and the such.
I woke up and I was like, "Where the fuck is this motherfucker?" If I would have come home at like three in the morning? I don't think that the problem is the time that you came home.
I think the problem is that you did the same thing the night before.
This morning coming home sun is rising on Hollywood Boulevard, no one's out there.
I put on my sunglasses and I'm walking down the street, and it was really, really beautiful and I had this like this like heavy, like [stammers.]
like oppressive guilt and, like, feeling like all like I did something really wrong, right? And I saw the sun coming up and I looked up and down Hollywood Boulevard, and it was so beautiful, and I just wanted to take just a second and not feel guilty.
So I just stopped.
And I realized that I really felt, like, really good.
You know? Like I was really happy.
I know that feeling.
I don't want to be in this position where I am the one telling you what's wrong.
I don't wanna feel like that.
I know that it's wrong.
That's why I apologize to you.
Yeah, but you keep on doing it, so what It's not [sighs.]
It doesn't mean anything.
I just drink too much.
I still love you.
[motorcycle engine revs.]
[engine revving.]
[static buzzing.]
[indistinct chatter over radio.]
All I wanna be, all I wanna be [upbeat music playing.]
[Sean.]
That's my old headshot.
Does it still look like me? No, you have, like, 7,000 more freckles on your face.
- They took them out.
- I know.
And they also brushed in a little spot on my forehead, which they said was balding, but it's not balding.
- It's just where my hair parts.
- It looks red right there.
Yeah.
"Bringam Young.
" It's Brigham Young, isn't it? Brigham Young.
Bring 'em.
- Bring 'em.
- [chuckles.]
Bring 'em.
- I thought it was B-R-I-G-H-A-M.
- Can you focus, please? Yeah.
[Sean.]
I'm, like, so overwhelmed.
Me being the producer of the show, but also in the show, it's a really difficult balance that I'm trying to figure out, because if there's not a level of respect and understanding for each other, like, we're not gonna have a show.
[sighs.]
I told James I was like We had a conversation afterwards, and I was like "Listen, you and I We have a history and a past and a friendship and a foundation.
If you disagree with me, you and I can go off to the side and fucking fight, fistfight, until, like, we're both crying and hugging it out, but you can never ever, ever disrespect me in front of my cast ever again.
And the fact that he did that then opened up Austin being like, "Whoa, man! Are you gonna fire him?" And everyone else was like, "What's going on?" And I was also like, "Dude, like, what? Like, we've come so far, and I want you here.
Why would you think that Why would you betray me like that in front of everyone else? You have an issue with me, we'll talk about it outside.
" But in front of everyone else and then saying I'm putting on the producer hat? Yeah, I am putting on the fucking producer hat.
- You're the producer! - I'm the producer.
And I fucking hired you.
I've been trying to be very democratic and I need to stop worrying about being so democratic.
But sometimes I have to be okay with being an asshole and, like, thinking about what's best and not thinking about someone's feelings.
You need to be an asshole sometimes, because life is an asshole.
And also people don't need to be coddled - Yeah.
- constantly.
As the person that's putting on this show, the person that's responsible for the fucking cast, for the venue, for the finances, for the choreographer, for the musical director, as a person that's making everything else happen so that we have a show to put up I know.
Our cast need to fucking deliver.
At the end of the day, this isn't a fucking joke.
Your anxiety is making me hyped up right now.
- I'm sorry, it's been keeping me up.
- It's been killing me, too.
You know, if the freaking talent is not incredible, then we're a failure.
I'm a failure.
I just want to live forever Shine so bright and never die Dance across the world beneath me Or at least to say I tried So I pray for something better See it when I close my eyes Count my blessings till I get there After such a lonely ride Through the years of this machine These California dreams And turn me Into who I'm supposed to be The face on every screen The captain of the team This town will make me wait forever All I wanna be, all I wanna be All I ever wanna be, baby Is more More than a number They will remember All I wanna be, all I wanna be All I ever wanna be, baby Is more Is more More, more You know I've heard a million reasons I should turn and walk away Count my chips and leave the table But the hurt just makes me stay They say time will tell the story I ain't got no crystal ball But hand to God, I hope it's worth it Pick the lock I've gotta break through The gears of this machine These California dreams And turn me into Who I'm supposed to be The face on every screen The captain of the team This town will make me wait forever All I wanna be, all I wanna be All I ever wanna be, baby Is more More than a number They will remember All I wanna be, all I wanna be All I ever wanna be, baby Is more More than a heartbeat Walking the same street So, baby Let's run till our tears are dry Till the spark In our soul is electrified Singing ooh Ooh Because all I wanna be, all I wanna be All I ever wanna be, baby Is more Is more More, more If I had the keys to forever Would I last a day? If the game was set to beginner Would I even play? - Would I even play? - I could waste a lifetime pretending I could walk away How long will you make me pay? All I wanna be, all I wanna be All I ever wanna be, baby Is more More than a number They will remember All I wanna be, all I wanna be All I ever wanna be, baby Is more Is more More, more - [crowd cheers.]
- [man.]
Yeah!