Wizards vs. Aliens (2012) s01e02 Episode Script

There's no such thing as aliens.
Welcome to the Starship Zarantulus.
What do you want? Magic! Are we going to die? Not while I'm here.
How did you do that?! It was magic, Benny.
I'm a wizard.
More magic.
I shall take you both.
She beamed them up! I will devour you and all of your kind, wizard blood.
What is it, Tom? Bad news very bad news.
Did you not hear my father? Bow! Consider yourselves privileged.
It is not our father's custom to grant audience with his herd.
I know you're not from around here.
You must have the guide book upside down.
We're human, not cattle.
And I might be old but I'm no cow.
I am Ursula, of the Magical Line of Crowe .
.
and I will smite thee with magic.
Maa-kraak-dah! Delicious! It didn't work! What happened? I don't know.
Maa-kraak-dah! Earth Magic tastes good.
No! No, Gran! That's your third spell! Maa-kraak-dah! Again, wizard! Feed me again! They're feeding on it! They're feeding on magic! Then we're powerless.
Magic is all we've got.
It's all right, Gran.
You're with me.
Your magic is strong, old woman, and it makes us stronger.
We have travelled the cosmos for magic, from the Fighting Snakes Nebula to the Black Eye of the Phantom Galaxy.
Feeding on wizards? On all magic.
Every star in the sky where there was once magic now burns dimmer.
And we fed on it all.
You mean there's no magic left? Not anywhere in the universe? Only on Earth - and now we shall feast on that.
No.
Feast on this! AAAARGH! Father! Run, Gran! Get them! Which way? The way we came! Come on! We're in space, Tom.
How do we get home? The same way we got here.
This will take us right back.
Stop or die, Earthlings! Don't threaten my grandson! Gran! What happened? Were you on their spaceship? What was it like? We were on the dark side of the moon.
That is so awesome! What are you talking about? They've still got my Gran! I'm sorry.
I'm going back.
I'm going to save her If she's still alive.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait for me! You will remain here until the King is ready for you.
By "ready", my brother means "hungry".
Well, as you can see, I'm well past my sell-by date.
Who's there? Blessed be the Source.
Blessed be the Source.
You're a wizard, too? Until they drained the last drop of magic out of me, and took half my life with it.
Look what they did to my son.
Your "son"? I don't understand.
I'm only 12.
Help us.
Ican't.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
There's nothing I can do.
Tom! Tom, wait! You need me! I don't need you.
I can't get hold of my dad.
I need to get home.
I need you to forget about everything you've seen.
And you're going to take the aliens, yeah? Yeah.
Wands against ray guns? Not sure how that's going to work out.
This is about magic - that means it's down to me.
It's my responsibility, so just go home, OK? What? I just saw an alien.
I just saw one of our teachers taken over by aliens.
Your gran got abducted by aliens.
And, oh yes, and you turn out to be a magician.
Wizard.
And you want me to go home? But this is so wow! Well, if you think this is all one big laugh, then you're definitely not coming with me.
You can't leave me behind.
These are aliens, Tom.
That's not hocus-pocus - it's science.
You need me.
You don't tell anyone, understand? Not about the aliens.
Not about the magic.
What would aliens with the technology to travel light years want with magic? They feed on it.
Yeah.
That makes sense.
It does? Whatever you call "magic", it's an energy.
Organisms live on energy.
Some wizard lost this when the Nekross took him.
It's enchanted with his magic.
So there's a connection, like an invisible cord.
Or a phone line! If he's on a Nekross ship, you can use it to trace him - and your gran.
And to get me back on that ship.
So you know how to do that? No, but I can find out.
In there.
The toilet? Chamber of Crowe, open to me, reveal yourself on the knock of three.
Narnia - Tim Burton style.
What was that? I've no idea.
And by the way, I'm not supposed to do this.
So where are we then, apart from some sort of parallel dimension? It's not a parallel dimension, it's the Threshold of Enchantment.
Look, we walked into the loo, only I don't see any toilet brush, so this is a parallel dimension.
It's magic.
Does your toilet vanish when you knock on the door and say an enchantment? Look, once people thought fire was magic and the moon was magic.
Whatever you "wizards" do will have a scientific explanation.
Yeah? And once you "scientists" thought that the world was flat and that the sun revolved around the Earth.
You got that wrong, big time, didn't you? Maybe magic is another one of those big surprises.
Soft.
.
a-coming they'll be.
Oh boy! I never thought it would be this awesome.
Got to admit, it's pretty cool.
So how come you've never been here? Dad says I'm not responsible.
Well, I'm responsible for leaving my gran on that ship - so here I am.
Who's that? My mum - she died.
Sorry.
Yeah.
Sometimes magic isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Let me guess - a book of spells.
The Wisdom of Crowe.
If there's a way to link the ring and the wizard that enchanted it, that spell will be in here.
So what's the problem? I told you, I'm not supposed to be here.
I'm a wizard, but I'm not trained.
It's just a book.
Open it.
Anyone got a match? I'll be thinking I have - somewhere.
What is that?! "What"?! "What" will be Randal Moon Guardian of the Chamber.
Pleased to meet you, Randal Moon.
Pleased, is it? You imps have no business here.
I'll not be blaming you for a wetting of your breeches.
You're three foot tall.
You haven't got me wetting anything.
I'll be seeing about that.
Stop! I'm the grandson of Ursula, daughter of the Magical Line of Crowe! She's in danger, and you have got to help us save her! In danger? The Mistress Crowe? By the humps of Grusselbar, why didn't you be saying so before? But the Line of Crowe - your family has powerful magic.
I heard what your daughter did.
Helen but I'm not her.
I never was.
And now I'm getting old, and I've already forgotten most of what I knew.
Cast a spell? I'm lucky if I remember where I left my specs.
Well, what about the bloodline? My daughter is dead.
Her husband is an Unenchanted.
Her only child, a boy with no-one to show him the way.
The warrior wizards are gone.
The King is hungry.
Phoenix Ash, third jar along.
Are you sure this spell will work? It'll get us on the alien ship? Steady with the wisher-wood, young imp.
I'll be wanting to open a pathway through the mists, not be calling on the Dark Ones for a moon-time jig.
Will it work? By the jaws of a Jabbermaul, of course it will work.
What exactly is he? A goblin, I think.
These won't be for decoration.
I'll be a hobgoblin.
Hob! Hob! Hob! Not like a goblin.
They'll be ugly, and bad - not like Randal Moon.
By the fangs of Bashtarr the Bold, he'll be saving the Mistress Crowe! I hope so.
Hello? Tom? Have you been calling me? Ursula? Now, you will be holding the ring in the wisher-wood smoke both of you.
The Passing-ways will open and take you to the wizard who will be enchanting it.
So, this is a matter transporter? What'll be a matter transporter? Something that transports matter.
It's not a matter transporter, it's a Passing Charm.
No, it's a matter transporter.
All right, if you are so clever, can you build a matter transporter? No.
Science isn't that advanced.
So this is magic.
It's a Passing Charm.
Ssshhh! The charm will be working.
You are sure this spell of yours will get us there and back again? The getting there - of course, of course! The getting back? That that'll be for you to divine.
And when do you get your three spells again? Not until sunrise tomorrow.
This better not be a one-way trip.
Tom! Dad! You what have you done now? Please! No, Michael of the Unenchanted! Lay no hand on Randal Moon.
'Tis here an egg of Brimstone, and I'll be setting you a-sizzle! Just tell me! They'll be saving the Mistress Crowe.
She'll have been taken by creatures from beyond star-glittery heavens.
What? Aliens? What sort of goblin garbage is this? There's no such things as aliens! Tell me the truth or you're going to wish you never got off your toadstool.
No! By the warts of Galeshmeil! The enchantment will have failed! This looks sort of familiar And nothing like a spaceship.
We got bounced.
Bounced? Magic doesn't work against the Nekross.
Maybe it doesn't work against their ship, either.
Hounds' teeth, I'll have been confounded by the scientific-y sky ship! The magic cannot pass its walls! I'm going to get them.
You keep your magical meddlings off my son.
But Cats' claws and monkeys' paws, we must be saving the Mistress Crowe! So we got bounced here? Maybe this was the last place on Earth the ship came.
Maybe this is as close as the spell could get us.
OK.
So this wizard lost the ring here.
What was he doing? Raising the power of the stones.
So that's what brought the aliens? What if we did the same? Brought the Nekross to us, like a trap.
Even if I knew how, I'm out of spells until the next sunrise.
I can't do anything.
But I can! I'll be raising their power from here.
I'll be talking with the stones! Yes! Yes! Place her in the extractor.
As the King commands, so it is done.
I hope I give you heartburn! Pillars of Stone, Ancients among Ancients, be hearing me! The Guardian of the Chamber of Crowe, heed my command, be giving up your power.
What was that? The stones.
Their magic - it's coming to life.
You said you couldn't do anything.
It's not me! My father, we have detected a significant energy surge at Target Zone Veta.
Dinner will have to wait.
Engage the plasma drive.
Take me to Earth! Come on, come, come on.
Up there - look! Oh, boy, a flying saucer! And what happens next? Cross our fingers? That's the best you've got? Dad! You're OK.
I was going out of my mind.
So, the halfling returns - just in time for dinner.
Gran! What have they done to you? Nothing yet.
Let her go! Stay back, wizard.
Hey, let's all take it easy.
Why are you here? What do you want? We have seen in your fictions how some aliens have come to your planet for slaves.
Some for water, or power, or simply to destroy.
We have come for magic.
They feed off wizards.
Off all magic.
And now we are here, where it has mostly been lost and forgotten.
Humans deny magic even exists, so its loss will go unnoticed.
The Nekross shall feast! Extract the magic! As the King commands, so it is done.
No! You'll kill her! I shall feast on her! Let her go! I'm warning you! And you will be next, halfling! No-one threatens my family! You give warning to me? You don't even have magic.
But I do have an Egg of Brimstone.
An egg? You threaten the Nekross with an egg? Throw it, Dad! Now! Come on! Run! Go! This way! Wait! There are other wizards here - we can't leave them.
After them! Deactivate the teleport! What's happening? The warrior wizards aren't all gone after all.
Meet my grandson.
Maybe that'll hold them for a while.
But what now? This got me back last time.
Only then maybe they'd left it on.
You're science - that was the deal.
You figure this out! It's alien technology.
I never thought I'd say this, but the only way we're going to get off this ship is with a shed load of magic.
And we've used up all our spells.
Wizards! I have no taste for your magic now.
I will burn you to cinders.
They're going to get in! We're trapped.
Dad, I'm frightened.
There must be something we can do.
Not without magic.
I'm sorry, Benny.
I told you not to come.
You came back for your gran.
Your mum would've been proud of you, Tom - and so am I.
Look.
It's no good, Benny.
There's nothing we can do.
Shut up and look! The sun! It can't be.
The ship's orbiting the Earth, travelling towards a new day.
Science brings you a sunrise! But it's the middle of the afternoon.
We've moved round the Earth towards a new dawn.
And we've got three more spells.
We've got magic again.
We still have to get off this ship.
Get in the car.
Gran, give me your hand.
You've got to help me with this.
You can do it, Thomas.
Dyshaa-faa-dah! Wizards, prepare to die! Go, Dad! Go! No! Engage emergency barrier! It's beautiful.
Magical.
Oh, boy! Are we believing in magic yet? The wizards escaped, Father.
No.
This is just the beginning.
I shall have their magic.
The Nekross shall feast! We made it! We actually made it! Was that sick, or what? Kids.
Where do they learn this slang? Maybe this will help.
Thank you.
It's my ring of healing.
Maybe it will.
Blessed be the Source.
Come on, son.
Do you think they're still up there, the Nekross? You heard what the King said.
They feed on magic and there's none left anywhere else in the universe.
Every magical civilisation they've encountered, they've destroyed.
In the entire universe, you're all that's left.
But we're going to stop them, right? If they want magic, I'm going to show them just what magic can do.
But this is about wizards, it's not your fight.
You're my friend - that makes it my fight.
Over the centuries, wizards have fought all kinds of creatures to keep the world safe - demons, ghouls, dragons, vampires.
And now we're going to war again.
But this time it's going to be different.
It's wizards versus aliens.
And I'm ready for them.
What we need is something to track Tom Clarke something that can't be stopped.
It doesn't look like any cat to me.
Whatever are they playing at down there? Boys? Yes, Dad.
It's in the wall! What?! How can it be in the wall? You're not casting spells over my mum and dad! What do we do now? I don't know!!