Work in Progress (2019) s01e02 Episode Script

1 [ANNOUNCER.]
Previously on Work in Progress.
You're suicidal? This bitch at work, she's like, "I went to Costco and got you almonds.
" Almonds were what pushed me over the edge.
This is my sister's number.
Can I buy you a drink sometime? I'm a trans man.
That's Julia Sweeney.
Hi, Abby.
You just ate a day of my life.
You're gonna have to explain that to me.
- [PEOPLE SHOUTING.]
- I killed my therapist! Are you fucking kidding me? [GENTLE PIANO MUSIC.]
We do not know How things work [ABBY BREATHING OUT.]
- Oh, my God.
- We do not know Where you go In the night Through the door Through the door that holds you Through the door that holds you Out of the blue [ABBY BLOWING.]
[ABBY BLOWING.]
- Oh! - We do not know - Hi.
- Hi.
The door that holds you I thought you died.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
I didn't.
[ABBY.]
Thank you for not dying.
- My pleasure.
- [LAUGHING.]
You stand under it - I bored you last night.
- You did not bore me! [ABBY.]
But you fell asleep.
- You fell asleep first.
- Stand under it - Really? - [CHRIS.]
Yeah.
But we don't understand it - Then I'm really sorry.
- [CHRIS.]
Why? It's super rude to fall asleep when someone else is talking.
If it makes you feel any better, you were talking.
While I fell asleep? [LAUGHING.]
Oh Jesus.
- Yeah, it, like, makes me feel a little better.
- [LAUGHING.]
[ABBY LAUGHING.]
[ABBY.]
Is your Lyft almost here? [CHRIS.]
Yeah, Tina is arriving in one minute.
- Okay, in that case - [CHRIS CHUCKLING.]
- I just really wanted to do that.
- I'm glad.
What? I all of a sudden have this fear that I'm standing in dog poop.
- Okay, let me look - Okay.
No, oh gosh, please don't look down! - Okay.
- Okay? - Why? - I don't want your last vision of me to be me in my Crocs standing in dog poop.
- You're wearing Crocs.
- Okay, I don't think that's the issue right now, can we just say don't look down? - All right, I'll talk to you later? - Yeah, yeah, eyes up here, okay? When you turn around, look here, okay? - Bye.
- Bye.
Eyes up, look up! Look! I mean, you could look a little.
[CAR ENGINE RUMBLING.]
- - [UPBEAT RHYTHMIC MUSIC.]
[ABBY SIGHING.]
[CABINET SCRAPING.]
[DOOR CLICKING.]
[DOOR THUDDING.]
[CABINET SCRAPING.]
Ooh, break away, let's do this, let's do this, break away! Let's move it, Blue, move it, move it, move it! - Look alive! - [WOMAN.]
Matty, come on! Those are for the kids.
Uh, Mike just gave it to me, okay? There's like 36 in there, there's 14 kids on the field.
Honey, you have to have enough for siblings.
I'm a sibling.
Oh, ooh, look at the ball! So, what, did you just go up to her and were like, "Hey, Julia Sweeney, you're an asshole.
You ruined my life!" No, I fainted at her.
Uh, Meg, will you help Aunt Abby with her juice bag? Uh, never say juice bag again.
And, Meg, thank you, thank you so much.
Mm-hmm, so, uh, how was the rest of your date? [ABBY.]
Actually, um, the date was really cool.
- Great! - And he said he wanted to hang out again, so he was gonna text me, but he hasn't yet, so I wanna change the subject right now, okay? I'm confused about this new person you're dating.
That's a surprise.
- Can I ask a question? - Yeah.
Uh, before you do, uh, may I please remind you, it is not the job of the queer community, in this case me, to teach the straight cis community, in this case, this, something that they could easily learn in a public library, or Google, my God, Mike, would it kill you to read a book? Stick with it, stick with it, Blue, - you got this! Come on, come on! - That being said - What's your question? - Yeah, I'm good.
Go Matty! Did you see them? Kiwi? These bougie fuckin' kids, my God! Fuck! - Wee ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh - [PHONE ALARM CHIMING.]
[CABINET SCRAPING.]
Wee ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Wee ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh [TRASH CAN CLANKING.]
I don't know why we aren't allowed to talk about this.
What're you talking about? We are talking about this.
Sidebar, what is that face? - What face? - This face! Campbell, there's dog hair everywhere! Uh, yeah, I have a dog.
Yeah, no shit, but do you have a brush? Or could you maybe get a pet vac? - Could you maybe get a driver's license? - Okay, you know what, that is not fair.
I can't because I'm physically unable.
All right, mentally! I'm mentally unable, it is the same diff! Look, you're just bein' an asshole because you want me to dish about Chris.
Yeah, dish, bitch! - Okay.
- Okay.
Okay, well, just ask me what you wanna ask.
Okay, well, first question: I guess you're not a lesbian anymore? Jesus Christ, I was already not a lesbian! - Uh, it's a valid question.
- I'm a queer dyke! - Lesbians are old women! - I'm a lesbian.
- Exactly! - [CAMPBELL LAUGHING.]
Burn! [LAUGHING.]
You're so burned! [LAUGHING.]
Okay, all right, fine, so you're a queer dyke dating a man.
A trans man, yes.
- Yeah, well, in my book - Ooh, now you have a book? - That's rich! - Oh, you know what, I should! - It would be good, I'd buy that book.
- That makes one of us.
Oh, come on, you'd buy my book.
[CHUCKLING.]
No, I wouldn't.
Know what I'd do? I'd wait for you to give me a copy, I'd tell you I'd read it, and then I'd slap it on my shelf and leave it there because that is what I do with books.
[LAUGHING.]
All right, well, good to know.
Oh, thank God we're here.
[CAT MEOWING.]
Okay, we're not done with this conversation.
No, I know, but you're coming in with me, right? To your dead therapist's funeral? - Ew! - Campbell, come on! I don't like therapists, I don't like funerals.
For me, please, dude, please? - No, get out of my car.
- [SIGHING.]
Oh my God.
[CAT MEOWING.]
[CAMPBELL.]
Have fun.
Thank you all for coming to celebrate the life of a beloved friend, wife, leader, messenger of hope.
A passage from Thomas Dyja's The Third Coast told the story of Buckminster Fuller's - satori moment.
- Excuse me, so sorry.
- Oh jeez, sorry - Where he stood on the rocky shore - of Lake Michigan - Excuse me, sorry.
- Contemplating taking - [CAT MEOWING.]
- his own life.
- Sorry, sorry, excuse me.
- Sorry.
- [CAT MEOWING.]
In his despair, he paused, a thought - forming in his head.
- [CAT MEOWING.]
You do not have the right to eliminate yourself.
You do not belong to you, you belong to the universe.
We are now going to share the peace.
Oh no.
[MINISTER.]
This is a moment in our service where we greet and open ourselves up to other members of the congregation, exchanging wishes of hope, love, - and optimism.
- Hi.
- Hi.
[CONGREGATION MURMURING.]
[SOMBER PIANO MUSIC.]
[COFFEE SPLASHING.]
Hi, Dr.
Franklin.
I'm sorry you died.
But you look really good.
Your partner picked a beautiful picture of you, it, like, looks just like you.
Listen to this.
Right after you died, I went out to lunch with Alison.
We were waited on by, like, the hottest waiter in the world, and he called me and we went on a date! Yeah, him, he's a trans man, we're gonna table that for later.
He's just like this super-confident, sexy guy and I wanna be confident! You know, I wanna be like one of those strong women who's like, "Yeah, so what, I'm fuckin' fat, I'm still worth it.
And, like, "Fuck you and what you think!" But I wasn't like that at all, I wasn't confident.
He was like, "I need to use your bathroom," and you know what? He didn't, it was pretty baller.
When I told him all about how I was planning to kill myself and the almonds, and then he stayed? We talked all night and fell asleep and did stuff over the clothes.
And then when we woke up in the morning, he was alive, which after you was a nice surprise.
He said he had a good time and he would text me and he hasn't yet so I'm really trying to keep it together.
And then that means he may see me naked! I have been journaling, but I want you to know I've been using my timer and I'm really well aware, I don't know, and I don't want you to worry about it.
I know that sounds so stupid 'cause how could you because you're dead, but I'm really trying to manage all my stress and anxiety, - which is a really good thing! - [CAT MEOWING.]
Hey, uh, it's our turn now.
Sorry.
Okay.
One second, okay? [PHONE CAMERA CLICKING.]
Talk to you later.
Good morning, Sandy.
[ABBY SIGHING.]
Jesus Christ.
- You got my note? - Oh! - Hi, uh, this note? - Should I come see you? [CHUCKLING.]
You're funny.
No, I, um, just wanted to check in.
I know you were out this morning.
Oh, right, uh, the temp agency was supposed to let you know.
- They did.
- Oh, okay.
It's just that, um, they didn't say why you were out.
It's weird, I would've thought that was sort of a privacy issue.
If you must know, I was at a funeral.
- Oh no, I am so sorry! - Thank you.
Who died? It was my therapist.
- Oh.
Well, then - [SCOFFING.]
It was a big deal to me.
Of course, of course! It's just not, like, it was your child or something.
- Well, I don't have a child.
- Yeah, I know, thank God, right? - Thank God I don't have a child? - A child that died.
Yeah? Uh You know, I went to a therapist once, it did wonders! - You went once? - Yep.
Wonders.
Wonders! What a fucking bitch.
- - [LIGHT RHYTHMIC MUSIC.]
Jesus.
[SIGHING.]
[ALMONDS CLATTERING.]
- [ABBY GRUNTING.]
- [TRASH CAN CLANGING.]
[LADIES.]
Hi! - How are you? - Well, it's been a pretty tough week.
- My son - Okay.
- had a graduation party, so - Celebrations are hard.
[JUDY.]
Yeah, what about those fats and those oils? Those Mike and Ikes, those Dots.
Okay.
[JUDY.]
No, nuts can be all fat.
No, I need something real, okay? [MACHINE WHIRRING.]
Okay, tiny gain, that's okay, though! You'll get back on track.
- Thank you.
- You're doin' a great job.
[WOMAN.]
And not that white.
All right, I guess we're really doing this.
- Welcome! - Hi.
Well, welcome back, look at this book! - Uh - Yeah! Yeah.
Raise your hand, raise your hand.
Where's William? I thought this was his meeting? Oh, William hasn't led a meeting - at this branch in over eight months! - [ABBY.]
Oh.
Yeah, that's okay! All right.
Look at all this good work you've done! [ABBY SIGHING.]
Here we go! [MACHINE WHIRRING.]
- Okay, it looks like you've gained 17 point - No, see, - I can see it right there.
- Okay, okay.
You're back and that's what matters.
- I'm back, thank you.
- Yeah.
I think you're really gonna love Judy, she is a great leader.
Yeah, I've, uh, been to some of her meetings before.
Oh, so then you know what I'm talking about.
- I know what you're talking about, yeah.
- Yeah! - I believe in you.
- [ABBY.]
No, no.
[JUDY.]
They're changed, I promise you they are no longer the same.
- Fuck, sorry.
- Best Self has changed everything! And my kids always say they love what I cook for them and I know they're tellin' the truth - because I watch them eat it! - [GROUP LAUGHING.]
[JUDY LAUGHING.]
They can't believe all of it is so low points! Linda, they're counting points now just like your girls.
[GROUP LAUGHING.]
We have a few more minutes left, anyone else have something they'd like to share, - celebrate, or talk about? - [MAN CLEARING THROAT.]
Yes? I ate a whole jar of peanut butter on Saturday night.
- [GROUP GROANING.]
- That's okay.
So, how will you approach this Saturday.
I think I can't have peanut butter in the house anymore.
Good, good.
You get a thumbs up sticker! [LAUGHING.]
- Thumbs up sticker, ah! - [GROUP APPLAUDING.]
[JUDY LAUGHING.]
There you go, good job! I really hear you about the peanut butter.
[WOMAN.]
Uh, Judy, it's my son-in-law's birthday - this weekend - [PHONE CHIMING.]
and we're gonna barbecue.
- [GROUP GROANING.]
- [JUDY GROANING.]
- [TEXT WHOOPING.]
- What're you gonna do? - I don't know! - What are the steps? - I don't know! I, uh - You got this! - - [JUDY.]
Step one: love your best self.
- Love your best self.
- Right? - You got this! - Okay.
[JUDY.]
She's got this! [THUMPING ELECTRONIC MUSIC.]
I look like Mitt Romney Jr.
Jr.
? - All right.
- Come on.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
Don't come to the woods Don't come to the woods You've gotta come to one of our Sunday brunches.
Yeah, they're super chill.
Thank you guys so much, I'd love to, thank you! Gonna turn 'em to into runes and slabs Brutish plan Revenge on a stupid man - Do it damn - So, uh, how long have you known Chris? I think it's been about eight days, that's right.
- Okay, yeah! - Yeah, that's right.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
Baphomet of this faggot shit and I'm back in this - [CROWD SCREAMING.]
- Oh my God! - Where're you from? - I moved around a lot growing up but I went to high school in San Francisco.
Oh, what year did you graduate? All right, what's going on here? Uh, Mark's trying to figure out that I'm 45.
- Don't come to the woods - [CHRIS.]
Ooh, love this one! Well, and that's the one that makes me nervous - so that makes sense.
- [ABBY AND CHRIS LAUGHING.]
Cheers, queers! Oh, what up, hooker? Hi! So who're you? Um, Abby.
- I'm kidding, I know who you are! - Oh my God, oh my God! - [KING.]
Get over here, I'm sorry to fuck with you.
- Abby, - this is King.
- [ABBY.]
Oh my gosh, hi! Okay, so all the paintings on this wall are painted by this guy that I met from Milwaukee on Grindr, the one that I told you about.
He was a really good fuck.
- That's, that's so nice.
- No way, the guy who stole your laptop? Oh, no, no, no, that guy lived on Milwaukee Avenue, yeah, but he was a good fuck too, so I see how you'd confuse them.
Uh, I mean, good, good for you.
[THUMPING CLUB MUSIC.]
- - Demonstration? [ENERGETIC RHYTHMIC MUSIC.]
- I'm just overwhelmed with - Hey, I mean Hey! - [CHRIS.]
You good? - Yeah, I just realized, I used to come to this place all the time but I can't remember what it used to be called.
[CHRIS.]
Was it a lot like this? No, but it was a bar, which I know will shock you.
They're very sexual.
- Wow! - [CROWD CHEERING.]
[SINGING OPERA.]
[CHRIS.]
Oh, there's Al! He spent last year apprenticing with this guy from IML, but this year he's making all of his own stuff! - Oh my gosh, that's amazing! - Hey! We'll be all right Fuck 'em all, they very sus - You made all this yourself? - Mm-hmm.
[CHRIS.]
Damn! I don't even know what to say, I'm so proud of you! [AL.]
Thank you! - Bitch is non-binary - This is a lot! Shit be all types Oh, fuck me! Al, this is Abby.
- Abby, this is Al.
- Oh, so you're the Abby? It's so nice to meet you! I, uh, it's beautiful.
Um, I'd be honored to be walloped by any of it.
Duly noted.
- All right.
- Thanks.
Oh my God, I can't believe I Two years of bureaucratic bullshit! [CHRIS.]
Oh my God, no fucking way! - Your boy finally got laminated! - I'm so fucking jealous! [ABBY.]
Congratulations.
Yeah, I put the dead in deadname! You know what, I think I'm gonna go get a drink.
- Uh, whiskey ginger? - Yes, please.
- I'll take two of everything.
- [CHRIS LAUGHING.]
All right, you know what, I'm gonna see about it, okay? - I'll see you later.
- There's so many rapists and cases That's not on the news You a bitch if you plottin' Hot, yes I am It's a goddamn shame Talkin' that shit's Gonna get you fucked up Lame ass broad lookin' Goosey in a cut - I'm a bad bitch - Fuck! What was this place called? 'Bout to make a mil' Fuck a nigga good on the pill - Body, no search, no seal - Hey, girl.
- Hey, uh, Miller Lite and a whiskey ginger, please.
- Comin' up! Hey, do you happen to know what this place used to be called? What year? It's been a lotta things.
A concert venue, a movie theater, I think it might've been a lesbian bar.
- Thank you.
- From the minute I saw you - I could tell - - Maybe I was done with guessin' - [CAMPBELL.]
You know what? Here's my receipt.
What happened to my drink? - You, you're holding it.
- Oh! - Cheers, everybody.
- Cheers! We got here a couple hours before you guys.
[CAMPBELL.]
Are you making another round, um, soon? Because me need refill.
I lost my straw! He was losing that with you because he cared so much Question my way sometimes I hated you see They were beggin' you to be so careful with me And I don't wanna look into the sky And think that it was wrong for me to fly Hey, Campbell, there's a girl over there looking over here.
The doctor is in.
The others just disappear so no No oh oh No oh oh - Oh my God! - I cannot believe it! - Oh my God, I'm Abby! - Oh, you're happy? Abby! - Oh, Abby, Abby! - Yeah! Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you, Abby! - Thank you! - I'm Melanie.
- Melanie! - Melanie! [ABBY.]
Abby and Melanie meetin' at the bar! - It's fun! - [MELANIE.]
Isn't it? - I feel like I'm gonna fall.
- [ABBY.]
I don't know - [MELANIE.]
Good! - Oh, I'm so, um, you know, I'm just thinking - [MELANIE.]
Oh my God! - I'm aspirational! - [MELANIE.]
No, oh my God.
- I'm aspirational! Straight out the closet I met the fuckin' devil in the mosh pit Dancin' and shovelin' anyone who approaches Hey.
- You wanna get outta here? - Yeah.
I've seen him before - [ABBY AND MELANIE LAUGHING.]
- Oh my God, that was [BOTH MOANING.]
Oh, Jesus.
[CHUCKLING.]
Melanie, you just bring me to the most exotic places.
- Jesus Christ! - [MELANIE LAUGHING.]
[BOTH MOANING.]
Oh, stop, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Oh no, no, no, no, no! - Fuck! - What, what? I touched my hand on the dumpster - and I have a germ thing so I just, uh - Oh, don't, I have hand sanitizer.
Oh my God, that is the hottest thing anyone has ever said to me.
[BUS ENGINE RUMBLING.]
[CHRIS.]
All right, so, be honest.
- Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
- Tonight? Were you scared of all those young people? - Yes.
- [CHUCKLING.]
Yeah? But then I was like, you know what? I'll try to establish dominance and become their leader.
[LAUGHING.]
It was not successful.
Hey, what was up with Al's license? Oh, he's official now.
His last one had his deadname on it.
- So like his birth name or - Given name.
- He finally got rid of it.
- Oh! And that is actually the one thing that's off limits with me.
- Okay, so no past or - You can ask me anything about my past, just not my deadname.
All right, I don't care.
I do not care.
[SLOW RHYTHMIC MUSIC.]
Oh, you know what, oh my God! Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, I totally remembered what the name of that bar used to be called.
Yeah, The Watering Hole.
And I once saw a Melissa Etheridge cover band there.
Wow! It was the first place I ever saw the electric slide and I thought it was some sort of secret lesbian dance I didn't know.
Wow, you remember a lot.
Mm, yeah, it's, uh, it's a gift.
Hey, I had a really great time tonight.
[ABBY.]
I did, too, thanks for dragging me out.
[CHUCKLING.]
My pleasure, I'm sure.
Uh, text you tomorrow? - [CHRIS.]
I'd like that.
- Yeah, me too.
All right.
Take - Good night? - Sleep tight.
Bye.
[SIGHING.]
Love Free Take Take We're gonna have sex tonight, right? Chris, meet Brendan.
- How you doin'? - Good, but not as good as you're gonna be later.
Oh my God - Hey, I'm Abby - Forty-five, Capricorn, murderous therapist? For the record, it was just the once, so, uh, back off.
Could you imagine being exclusive? Please hold that thought, because I'm spiraling like a moth Who here wants more mimosas? Also, I'm really bad in bed.
Hello!