Work It (2012) s01e02 Episode Script

Good morning, sweetie.
Mwah.
Wow.
Dad, I got so used to seeing you in sweatpants when you were unemployed.
It's weird seeing you in a tie.
Oh, yeah.
You think this is weird.
So how's the new job? You liking it? Yeah, I am, and I'm gonna like it a lot more as of today, 'cause I finished my training, and now I get to do what I do best.
They're paying you to use more paper towels than the job calls for? No, they're paying me to make sales, which I'm also very good at.
Hey, Lee, why do I keep finding my women's magazines in our bathroom? Oh.
Uh Ugh, gross, dad.
Get some real porn.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's not why.
Well then why is it? Okay, that's why.
Seriously? There's some pretty hot stuff in there.
Oh, really? This does it for you? "How to minimize your broad back"? Oh, yeah.
Baby, say it slower.
Mm! Oh, shoot.
Lee, you just spilled juice all over yourself.
Yeah, I know.
No one's gonna notice.
Babe, it's pretty obvious.
Yeah, you know, people at this job They don't seem to notice things that are really obvious.
(Door closes) You see that game last night? Thanks, Lee, but no amount of football talk is gonna make this okay.
(Strap snaps) Hey, it's a recession, man, right? There's no jobs out there for guys like us.
We're just doing what we gotta do.
I know.
Or would you rather go back to cleaning bathrooms at astro taco? Oh, jeez, angel, these things are freezing.
You know, they're not real cutlets.
You don't have to store 'em in the fridge.
Uh-oh.
There might be some chicken in my underwear drawer.
Captioned by closed captioning services, inc.
You ready to warm up? Yeah.
Let's flip our lady switches on.
(Clears throat) (Feminine voice) Oh, my God.
You look so cute.
(Feminine voice) So do you! Oh, no.
You wanna split a dessert? (Gasps) I don't know.
A minute on the lips, lifetime on the hips.
Oh.
(Normal voice) We're ready.
(Normal voice) Yeah.
(Clears throat) (Elevator bell dings) It's your first day out in the field! (Feminine voice) How did you even know it was us in the elevator? She probably heard the cables straining.
Are you nervous? Don't be nervous.
(Elevator bell dings) Unless you like being nervous.
Not me.
I like to take a laid-back approach.
(Singsongy) Good morning, ladies.
(Singsongy) Good morning, boss Vanessa! Are you ready to do some selling? Oh, yes, I was born ready And female.
Have I mentioned that I'm the regional sales leader? What does that have to do with anything? Nothing.
She just likes saying it.
I know that because we're friends.
Well, we'll see how much longer you're the regional sales leader.
I like your attitude.
Thank you.
He's a list of doctors you'll be seeing, and the drugs you'll be targeting to them.
Oh, I'm sorry.
And where is the gardner medical building? It's right near stormy's.
Uh, I'm not familiar with stormy's.
It's like the best bar in St.
Louis.
They have the most delicious daiquiris, -and they're only $4 at lunch -Ahem! Which is when I am working, so I have never had one.
(Mouths words) Why can't I just stay here and help you with things around the office? Because you work on commission, and I don't buy anything.
I know, but it would mean yeah, angel, let's not talk too much to the lady who can fire us.
(Normal voice, lowered) What are you doing? (Normal voice, lowered) Well, Kelly said she thinks -Vanessa might be a lesbian.
-Right, but you're not a woman.
Why can't you be happy for me? Okay, this is you.
This is you.
Okay.
I think I'm down the hall.
Okay.
Let's go to work.
Okay, just one quick question.
Shoot.
How do I sell stuff? Seriously? I've never sold anything before.
I'm a mechanic.
You're actually a salesman.
You're just pretending to be a woman.
I'm doing two pretendings, bro! All right, you wanna know why I was top salesman at Pontiac? Confidence, okay? Don't ask them what they want.
You tell them what you need, okay, and what this doctor needs is xacrosystemax, 'cause it's the best xanthine bronchodilator out there.
Okay, you just said a whole bunch of words I've never heard before.
You don't even know the name of the drug? I don't see how you yelling at me is helping anything.
Okay, fine, look, luckily, this stuff's gonna sell itself.
Just go in there and tell the doctor that you're here to talk about xacrosystemax.
Okay.
(Feminine voice) I'm here to talk about (Normal voice) Give it to me again.
Xacrosystemax.
And once more.
(Sighs) Xacro system ax.
Xacromistymax.
Excellent.
Okay.
You're gonna do great.
Get in there.
Let's go.
Let's do this.
You got it.
Xacrosystemax.
(Chuckles) (Feminine voice) Dr.
Sorenson, this is your lucky day.
Now you don't know it yet, but your patients need enervadone.
Now I know what you're thinking.
I'm doing just fine with my zapoden and my plaxodril.
But you take one look at the results of this double-blind, phase iii study, and I think you'll realize this ain't your daddy's angiotensin ii blocker.
(Feminine voice) I wanna say it's called "Zack attack"? Xacrosystemax? Yeah, that one.
You wanna buy some? You know, I really am very busy now.
Oh, this is a beautiful sculpture.
Is it supposed to be a butterfly? Those are lungs.
Butterfly lungs? Thank you so much for dropping by.
Just You're welcome.
Do you know if stormy's is open? I need a daiquiri bad.
Oh, well, doctor, are you sure, though, that you don't want to hear about the study in Denmark? No, thank you.
If I wanted a lecture, I would have gone to medical school.
Oh, wait a minute.
I did.
(Door opens) (Laughter) Oh, you're so funny! (Laughs) And thank you for the daiquiri recipe.
Oh, I tell you, these are going to be so much better than the ones you get at stormy's.
The trick is you just don't wanna make 'em too sweet.
Well, better not put you in there then! (Both laugh) Oh, stop it.
No, you stop it.
And don't you forget to come back with some more of these samples, because I tell you, I'm going to be prescribing xacrosystemax to all of my asthma patients.
Good, because I'm pretty sure that's what it's for.
(Both laughing) Oh! Bye-bye, angel.
Bye-bye.
(Laughs) (Door closes) (Normal voice) This is so easy! These are on me.
Who would have thought that I would be so awesome at selling stuff? With the first doctor, I was like, whatever, lucky break.
But the same thing happened at every office we went to.
'Cause you cheated.
How did I cheat? (Laughs) Um (Feminine voice) "Better not put you in there.
Tee-hee-hee!" (Normal voice) Give me a break.
That's cheating.
I was just being a good saleswoman.
Oh, really? What were you selling, your nonexistent hoo-ha? Oh, I-I see what this is.
Mr.
big car salesman is pouty because I crushed him on his first day out.
I'm not pouting.
No, then why you what are you guys talking about? Oh, just whores who whore around like whores.
Brian, come here.
Is it okay for women to flirt to get what they want? Hell, yeah.
I just wish I had something they wanted.
See? I win.
You don't win anything.
Why don't I win? (Shouting at once) Jeez, whoa! What's got all your panties in a bunch? -We don't wear panties! -Who said anything about panties? Sorry.
It's just an expression.
It just means why are your panties in a bunch? Look, I'm sorry.
Just something came up at work.
Oh, work.
Guess you had to be there, right? But I guess I couldn't be there because my own brother-in-law won't get me a job.
Brian, please.
No! This is fun, hearing all about your little water cooler conversations, because you know what we were talking about at my water cooler today? How I had to fill it from a hose.
I'll get you a beer, Brian.
Thank you.
Although I am quite full of hose water.
(Cell phone rings) (Beep) Hello? -Oh, hi.
Um, may I please speak with angel? -This is angel.
Oh.
I-I'm sorry.
This is Dr.
David deutsch.
I was trying to get ahold of the woman who came into the office this morning.
Oh! You, um, you must be looking for the other angel who is my sister! (Laughs) What were our parents thinking? Please hold! (Feminine voice) Hello? Lady angel speaking.
Hi, angel.
This is Dr.
deutsch.
I called your office and told your receptionist that I needed your number to ask you a question about the drug.
Really? Because I'm sure I don't know the answer.
Right, but what I actually what I wanted to ask you was whether you would like to have dinner with me.
Dinner? Together? Well, yes.
I-I mean, I think we really hit it off this morning.
Was I was I wrong about that? No.
We did.
Great, great, great, great.
I'll tell you what.
We can either go out, or you can come over to my place.
Oh! Out is good.
Hey, honey, how was your big day okay, let's talk about something else.
Uh, uh, Kat is learning all about number stuff.
Oh, yeah, you studying? Working hard? Total waste of time.
Ha! That's what I've been saying.
What is going on? I didn't sell a thing today at work.
Not one thing.
Well, honey, you gotta give yourself a break.
(Bottle cap fizzes and clatters) You just started.
But this woman started today, and she killed it.
Wow, she must be really good.
No, she didn't know her stuff at all.
The only reason she did well is 'cause she came on to the doctors like some kind of hoochie mama.
Even though she has forearms like popeye and a chin you could yoke a plow to.
So she flirted? Yeah, which is totally unfair.
Oh, babe, we're allowed to do that.
I-I mean, I am an awesome nurse, but even sometimes I need to break out the red bra.
At work? Yep, need to leave work early? Red bra.
More comfortable chair red bra.
Raise red bra.
Actually, that was no bra.
But that's not breaking the rules? No, it is tough out there, and sometimes we have to let the girls out, turn up the air conditioning.
(Feminine voice) Thank you for seeing me again, Dr.
Sorenson.
I only have a minute.
Well, in that case, I won't beat around the, uh Bush.
Last time I was here, I was so chatty, I didn't get a chance to ask you why you decided to become a doctor and not a Male model.
Look at me.
I can't stop.
Ooh, is it hot in here? It is Whew.
63 degrees.
Really? That's strange, 'cause I'm burning up.
Maybe if I just Oh, wow.
Mm.
Your minute is up, Ms.
standish.
Oh, whoa, slow down there, Keith.
You haven't even had a chance to tell me what it's like to be one of St.
Louis' most eligible urologists.
Right now it's weird.
(Gasps) Oops.
I'd better get that so I can put it back up on your uh-oh.
There you are.
Congratulations Thank you.
Angel.
Dr.
deutsch has already started prescribing xacrosystemax.
(Feminine voice) Yay! Yay! (Laughs) Um, I was just saying what a wonderful addition she's been to the office.
No, you weren't.
You were just telling me that if I could hear myself chew, I would never eat again.
Well, anyway Nice work.
Okay, if you insist.
(Feminine voice) Stupid thong.
Oh.
Lee.
Do you have a second? Oh, yes, indeedy-doo.
So I just got a troubling call from Dr.
Sorenson.
Oh, in that he wants to prescribe a troubling amount of enervadone? I'm disappointed.
With your sales background, I expected more from you.
Maybe you should ask angel for some sales advice.
Oh (normal voice, lowered) Burn.
(Cell phone alert chimes) (Dr.
deutsch's voice) Can't wait for tonight.
See you at 8:00.
Kiss, kiss.
David.
I am so sorry, Lee.
Me, too.
So humiliating to be dressed down like that in front of the whole office.
It wasn't really the whole office.
Still, word will probably get around.
So I'm in a little slump.
It's not like I'm being sawed in half by my underwear.
Hey, here's a tip.
When I want to make a sale, the first thing I do is be a regular-sized person.
I know what you're going through.
When I first started working here, I couldn't figure out what kind of saleswoman to be.
That's my problem.
I did so well at Pontiac, I just don't know who I am at this job.
And I didn't either.
I kept trying to copy the other girls, but that didn't work.
I mean, I could never be as tiny and fun as Kelly or as perfect and British as grace.
(Imitates British accent) Am I right, luv? And so the takeaway would be Well, I finally realized I just needed to be myself, and that's when everything fell into place.
You're the lowest-ranked salesperson here.
(Imitates British accent) I'm trying to give a pep talk, you muggle! Hey, Kelly, could I ask you a question? 34c.
No, no, no.
Dr.
deutsch asked me out on a date, and I oh, my God! That's great! You think? It's not against the rules? 'Cause it really, really should be.
Maybe I'll just cancel.
He's not exactly my type.
You already said yes.
You don't wanna hurt his feelings, so just go and pretend to like him.
Great! (Under breath) Now I'm doing three pretendings! So where is he taking you? The grand cafe.
Ooh! How romantic! I heard that restaurant has a hotel attached to it For lovemaking.
-Excuse me.
We're kinda having a private conversation here.
-Not anymore, you're not.
You know, if you didn't wanna go on a date with the doctor, maybe you shouldn't have paraded in there, flaunting your bottom like the town pump.
You're just jealous.
Jealous? Yeah.
You couldn't get a date if you wanted to.
(Gasps) You think I'm jealous of you dating doctors? No, I think you're jealous because I'm fun, I'm sexy and (Gasps) I'm sorry.
Way hotter than you.
Huh.
What "huh"? You're right.
I'm not hot.
I'm a beast! Hi.
It's me again.
Wow, you have balls.
(Door closes) I do, but Let's put that over here for now.
Look, I know I've probably turned you off last time I was here, but if you give me another chance, I promise you, I will give you the best don't finish that sentence.
Customer service.
Look, let's face it, Dr.
Sorenson, I'm no beauty queen, and there are plenty of girls out there who are fun and sexy and who could fit into a jacuzzi with you.
But will they be there when you need them? No.
They'll be out hooking up.
But me I'll be at home, laminating recipes for one or tongue-kissing my dog.
But I will always, always take your call, because that's the kind of saleswoman I really am.
Well, thank you for your time, Dr.
Sorenson.
I shan't bother you again.
Ms.
standish? Yeah? I admire your honesty.
Leave some samples.
Aah! Aah! Dr.
Sorenson.
Oh.
You will not regret this.
(Box clatters) I promise you, I will show you that I am more than just some horny nympho in a freshly ruined thong.
You're so quiet tonight.
Oh, uh, I was just thinking about something my abstinence coach told me.
(Laughs) You are so funny.
(Laughs) Come on.
Sit closer to me.
-Come on.
Come on, come on, come on.
-No, no.
I'm good here.
Besides, you seem to be having no trouble touching me from where you are.
You know, this sauce is really delicious.
You have to try some.
Oh.
You wanna do it like that, huh? Angel! What's going on here? Lee! Why are you putting your finger in my girlfriend's mouth? Your girlfriend? Yeah.
Yes, yes.
This is my boyfriend Lee.
Are you In love with him? Right now I sure as hell am! Look, I acted like a jerk before.
Okay, I was just jealous 'cause you're more successful than I was.
And I'm sorry.
It's okay.
But, baby, I'm here now, and, uh, and I want you back, if you'll have me.
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! Now let me guess.
You're one of her pervy doctor clients who agreed to boost her sales in exchange for a little "something" in return? No, no, no, that's not it at all.
Oh, it better not be, 'cause you shouldn't be prescribing xacrosystemax 'cause angel's a hot piece of ass.
Yeah.
You should be prescribing it because it's the best xanthine bronchodilator on the market.
How come you know so much more about the drug than she does? I said good day, sir! And if I hear about you prescribing any other asthma medicine, I swear he'll kill you.
He's crazy! Why are you with him? I can't help it.
I'm addicted to the drama.
So, huh, how far we'll planning on go on in our first date? Not far at all.
- Oh, yeah? - I took these from work.
If he kept making moves, I was gonna pop 'em into his drink, put him right to sleep.
Yeah, I don't think these would've put him to sleep, dude.
-Why not? -It's asthma medicine.
This is Xacrosystemax.
Xacromistymax? Mmm! Hey, man, that doctor can pick a good restaurant.
This is good.
Here.
Try some.