Young James Herriot (2011) s01e02 Episode Script

Do you know the way to the veterinary college? This is my first day.
I've got a James Herriot for you, Professor Legge.
You've made quite an impression on your first morning.
You've met Professor Gunnell.
Since you have been so kind to grace us with your presence.
I understand you've also made the acquaintance of Professor Richie.
And who are you to lecture me about horses? The name's Whirly.
The idiot's called McAloon.
I just ignore him.
Auntie.
This is James Herriot.
We thought he could stay here.
I'd like to say I don't bite.
But often I do.
Rrar.
Oh.
Hello, there, did you see where the delivery cart went? Hello, I'm Jenny Muirhead.
You've made an enemy of me.
Don't count on qualifying as a vet from this college.
I came here to cure sick animals, not to kill them.
I hope you continue to impress, Mr Herriot.
We're going to be pals.
Good friends.
Would you Careful! Hello, Phoebe.
Oh, morning, James.
Morning, Cleo.
I've brought Whirly's bridesmaid's dress.
You'd best come in then.
Everything OK? Just wedding nerves.
James.
Oh, how delightful.
You've found a friend on your walk.
I told you walking Cleo wouldn't be a hardship.
Here's mama.
This way.
You must be excited about the big day.
Phoebe.
Getting married can't be that bad.
It's just so dreadful at the farm right now, Whirly.
Yesterday, two cows slipped their calves.
Two on the same day? Desmond took control of everything.
He knew exactly what to do.
But nothing he does is good enough for my father.
Come on, let's got upstairs, you can help me get into my bridesmaid's dress.
Two, that's favouritism.
Indeed it is, Mr McAloon.
This young man needs building up.
(I think the two of you are a match made in heaven.
) WHIRLY: Prepare yourselves.
You do, Whirly.
Do take that monstrosity off, old girl.
I prefer you in your usual boys' clothes.
Darling.
The dress is lovely, Phoebe.
McAloon's just saying that to annoy Whirly.
It's his favourite hobby.
This is an utterly fine model.
You really needn't be embarrassed about Mrs Munro.
She's a very attractive woman.
What's this I hear? Whirly's Aunt Elspeth has her eyes set on young James, here.
Positively smitten.
(Whirly.
Whirly!) Miss Tyson.
I have a special task for you.
A cancer-ridden sow is being delivered today.
I want you to remove the tumours and dissect them.
I'm expecting the delivery any minute now in the courtyard.
So Thank you, Professor Gunnell.
Gentlemen.
Professor Richie has an important announcement to make.
You'll all be aware of Mr Stokes.
No finer vet in this country.
However, recently, he's been incapcitated with gout and he's asked us to look after his patients.
This is a unique opportunity.
It will help bring much needed funds to the college.
And may well be the start of a regular service in the area.
You will be doing the rounds in pairs.
So, get yourself a partner.
Preferably one you can trust.
If you do a good job, you will gain valuable experience and a share of the fees.
Proctor and Faraday, you have a heifer with mastitis.
Muirhead and Skinner, a sow with dropsy.
And we've a case of bovine farcy.
Ah, Campbell and Fraser, very good.
McAloon and Herriot, you have a sheep which has had an altercation with a bicycle.
ALL LAUGH Just our luck.
Whereabouts is this sheep, Professor Richie? It's the Swinney farm on Fenwick Moor.
Then surely we must have a car? Well, Mr Stokes has kindly left us his.
You'll find it outside in the courtyard.
Thank you.
And good luck to you all.
Where'd Miss Tyson go? I thought this would be perfect for her.
I felt her dissection skills could do with brushing up.
And I have the perfect specimen coming in today.
Excellent.
Where are you two off to? We, dear Whirly, are off for a drive in the country.
Fenwick Moor.
James, you were right about Phoebe cheering up.
She's worried because two of her father's heifers aborted their calves yesterday.
Two.
I know.
It's very odd.
It's going to make things really hard for them on the farm.
One scabby sheep.
No pun intended, but you do know that this job is largely about pulling the wool? That's a bit cynical.
Even for you, McAloon.
No one wants to pay us, so you need to look every inch the expert, even if you haven't a clue.
Which, in your case, is bang on the money.
Right.
That way.
Where we going? Just a short detour.
Whirly said there's a problem at Phoebe's farm.
Oh! You're such a soft touch, Herriot.
Let's just see the damned sheep and get back to the pub.
It could be a bit more exciting than a sheep that's been hit by a bicycle.
A dairy herd.
30 beasts.
That's not the kind of excitement I'm after.
If there's a problem, there could be money in it for us.
James Herriot, you have said the magic word.
Yeah.
Thought so.
It doesn't look good.
Indeed.
Looks nearly full term.
Hmm.
Who the hell are you? You're trespassing.
Mr Murdoch, we're from the Glasgow Veterinary College.
I'm James Herriot.
We've heard you've had some trouble with your cows.
Phoebe's friend, Whirly Tyson, told us.
Two of your cows have slipped their calves.
My daughter has no business For a reasonable fee, Mr Murdoch, we can I am not spending a fortune for you to tell me what I already know.
Now, excuse me.
Oh, well, time is money, let's move on swiftly.
It looks like you could do with some veterinary help, Mr Murdoch.
That calf's nearly full term, do you know what happened? James, you're never going to persuade him, let's leave.
James! There, lass.
Have you not finished yet? Almost, Mr Murdoch.
I thought I told you two to sod off.
What do you think's wrong, Mr? Murray.
Ah, Desmond.
James Herriot.
A couple of the cows have slipped their calves.
Happens all the time.
It's mother nature.
This'll see them all right.
Well, there you have it, then.
Are you a vet, sir? Yes.
Can I ask where you trained? I've learnt with these.
I've been fixing animals since you were in short trousers.
How many years have you been tending to animals? What's in the bottle? It's cow medicine.
What's that exactly? Yeah, I've just about had my fill of you.
Come on, give me a hand here, man, come on.
There, lady.
Shh, shh, shh.
Come on, James.
COW GROANS My turn to drive, old boy.
Would you mind? Tch.
Thank you.
That man, Desmond, doesn't have a clue.
Well, he can join the club.
You see his face when I asked him what was in this thing? Tad blank, I agree.
God, what a complete waste of our time.
Thank you, Whirly Tyson! Whirly, are you still here? Yes, never was any pig.
Gunnell's made a complete fool out of me.
Of course he has.
What a fool.
He shouldn't be allowed to treat women differently.
Honestly, Whirly, the way you stand up to people this country needs people like you who fight for what they believe in.
Thank you, Jenny.
Just through here.
We call her Lilian.
She was our daughter's little lamb.
She lives in Canada now.
Saskatchewan.
We haven't heard from her in years.
Lilian's the only living thing we have to remind us of her.
Clearly a much-loved, family animal, Mrs Swinney.
She's a lot more than that.
Indeed she is.
Now, if you wouldn't mind standing outside for a while, Mr and Mrs Swinney, my colleague, vet Herriot, and I would like to examine Lilian properly.
Yes, of course, you must be prepared if she is very badly injured it will be best to put her to sleep.
Thank you.
Are you mad? They're getting sentimental over a sheep.
It's a surrogate daughter! This could be an excellent money-spinner for us.
Robert McAloon, we are not letting an animal suffer to make money.
Who says she's going to suffer? Oh, for God's sake, Herriot, you need the cash more than I do.
Take notes.
Investigation commencing, 11:58.
I suppose you're enjoying having a laugh at my expense.
How dare you speak to me like that.
You said the pig was being delivered first thing.
Did I? Well, perhaps I was wrong.
Yes, deliberately.
Because you wanted me to miss out on the experience all the other students were getting.
Miss Tyson, I have never heard the like.
Don't give me that, you liar.
I know exactly what you've done.
Miss Tyson.
You're running amok.
Apologise to Professor Gunnell immediately.
Damned if I will, you're just as bad as he is, this college.
It's just one big, old boys' club.
Professor Gunnell wanted to give you badly needed practical help.
You've no cause to impune his integrity.
Now, please go.
No sign of any broken bones.
Might just be shock, she may recover in her own time.
We won't get paid a fee for that diagnosis.
Can't we think of something more complicated? More expensive.
No.
Listless, not eating, no eye response.
Surely I can find something in the college library with those symptoms.
I'm sorry, can't cheat the old couple.
Look at this plate.
The sheep eats better than you, old man.
The Swinney's clearly aren't short of a bob or two.
KNOCK ON DOOR Mr and Mrs Swinney.
The good news is there are no obvious signs of internal injuries.
It may be, er, psychological.
Vet Herriot and I shall return to our surgery and consult with the specialist in this area.
Don't worry, we'll do everything we can to save her.
Thank you, Mr McAloon.
Cheers.
Ah.
You should apologise, Whirly.
I'm sick of apologising to Gunnell for what he's done.
The man hates me and I hate him.
But what you said to Richie? Not my finest hour, I agree.
You know Richie wouldn't tolerate discrimination, he's hardly the old boys' club type.
We went to the Murdochs' farm, like you asked.
And? Phoebe's future husband was there.
I didn't think very much of him.
Desmond? I told you, he's a lovely chap.
Phoebe adores him.
Ay, he's a fake.
James, he was responsible for looking after horses in the Great War.
So he says.
It's true and he suffered terrible shell-shock.
That injury, you think he made it up? He became a recluse, for God's sake.
It was Phoebe who saved his life.
Well, I wouldn't trust a thing the man says.
You don't know what you're talking about.
He's well-respected by farmers.
Well, his own future father-in-law didn't seem to respect him very much.
Old Murdoch doesn't think anyone's any good, apart from himself.
He's a bully, just like Gunnell.
It looks like snake oil to me.
I suspect a home-made brew of ingredients, easily purchased on every high street in the land.
(Knew he was a quack.
) A Mr Desmond Murray at the Murdoch's farm is pretending to be a vet, professor.
Uh-huh.
There are a lot of men who call themselves vets who don't have the scientific qualifications.
But they often have good instincts and experience.
Apparently he looked after animals in the Great War.
I wish we'd stop calling that imperialist disaster "great".
It was the ugliest, least great event you could ever imagine.
A scar on this country's history.
You fought in the War, professor? Swept up in a great, patriotic fervour.
I was naive, Mr Herriot.
The prerogative of youth.
If this Mr Murray's experience was anything like my own, he has my profound sympathy.
He has been badly injured.
Part of his face has been shot away.
Imagine having to live with that.
Now, give that tincture to Mr Gakhal.
He'll give you a scientific opinion.
And after you do, why not spend the rest of the evening reading about the "Great War", as you call it? You need to know your history, Mr Herriot.
To see why, in this country and the rest of Europe, there are very dark forces on the rise.
Oh, Professor Richie? You know I'm a good friend of Whirly Tyson.
Do you think Professor Gunnell's trying to get rid of her from this college? I can't believe that for a moment.
Maybe we should try and see things from Whirly's point of view? Miss Tyson must learn to marshal an argument.
Not charge about like a raging bull.
You see the silvery deposit? Uh-huh.
That tells us there's arsenic in the mixture.
Arsenic.
That's lethal.
Isn't it? No, not always.
If the dosage is very, very tiny.
Most of the liquid is a mixture of beer and linseed oil.
I do not think that this will be helping the cows at all.
In fact, it could very well be harming them.
Yes, yes! James! I found a treatment that fits the sheep's symptoms.
James? Did you hear me? Uh-huh.
Your financial worries are over.
We can keep Lilian living in sheepy luxury and watch the fees roll in.
Lilian wins, the Swinneys win and, more importantly, we win.
I'm sorry, McAloon, you'll have to deal with the Swinneys yourself.
Please yourself.
If your prefer to be on the breadline then so be it.
See you back at Mrs M's.
James? Still here? Jenny.
What are you reading that for? Professor Richie gave it to me.
Typical.
Pacifist claptrap.
We've millions of dead soldiers and he feels sorry for the Germans! Maybe he's trying to recruit you.
To what? To the Bolshevik cause.
I don't think Professor Richie has that much regard for me.
Unlike a certain landlady we could mention.
Jenny, I swear McAloon's making the whole thing up.
I haven't gone anywhere near Mrs Munro.
Have you gone anywhere near any other women? I've had a girlfriend.
In fact, I've had more than one.
JENNY LAUGHS That doesn't surprise me at all, James.
All Quiet On The Western Front.
(Whirly.
Whirly.
) Ah, Whirly, are you doing anything tomorrow? No, I'm afraid she's going to be at the college waiting for phantom carcasses.
Hm-hm-hm-ha.
Would you accompany me to the Murdochs' farm? It's just I'm a little wary of Mr Murdoch's temper.
Don't worry, James, I'll protect you.
Ah, you're a pal.
Goodnight, you two.
So, have you chosen an escort for Phoebe's wedding? I haven't decided yet.
Could be Camaron, could be Faraday, could be James.
Oh, no, it won't be James.
Your aunt told me she's going to ask him out for dinner on Saturday.
James isn't interested in Aunt Elspeth.
Well, ask him yourself, Whirly.
All that spluttering denial.
.
Don't you think Mr Herriot protested too much? (Do you know, I think he might be after her money.
) God knows he needs it.
I, therefore, offer myself.
Why the hell not? What? Oh, Mrs Munro! Ummm.
Sorry, Mrs Munro.
James, darling.
Pass me my robe.
Er.
James! Thank you, James.
You're so delightful.
Phh, ha.
Good for you, young James.
Didn't know you had it in you.
Chucking us out here.
Can't keep Lilian the sheep waiting.
You monster.
Darling Whirly, try not to harangue Farmer Murdoch like you did Gunnell.
You'll just end up with egg on your face.
Gunnell set me up.
Old Gunnell isn't going to waste his time sending you on a wild goose chase.
That's exactly what he did.
This isn't a game.
Eugh.
Another TT, Tyson Tantrum.
I don't know what I was thinking of last night, I won't be taking you to Phoebe's wedding, I'd sooner take Gunnell.
You asked for that.
Hello, Mr Murdoch.
Tyson.
If you've come to see our Phoebe, go away inside.
The last thing I need is an interfering student from the vet college.
This so-called cure, Mr Murdoch It's got arsenic in it.
Eh? As if I'm going to poison my own father-in-law's herd.
We've had it tested in the college lab.
Well? Tell him what's in it.
Come on, Desmond, we're all waiting.
Tell him what's in it, man! You don't know, do you? It's a secret.
It's good medicine.
I think you'd better go.
Destroying my herd! Father, what's going on? You tell her, you bastard.
No! Phoebe, stop it.
No! Tell her what you have done to us all.
That man said there was poison in the bottle.
There can't have been poison in it, I've used it for years on horses.
You, just stay away from us and you never go near our Phoebe again.
And to think I was going to let you run my farm.
Well, you have proven yourself unfit! And the wedding's off.
It's not your place to cancel the wedding, Mr Murdoch.
I will do what I want.
Desmond, I'm coming with you.
Aye, fine, go on, run away with a man that ruined your mother and me.
Don't leave us, Phoebe.
I cannot cope without you.
I'm sorry, mother.
I can't live without him.
Let her go.
You're making me choose, father.
I don't want this.
I can't take you from your own family.
You're my family now.
Come on.
Remember, Phoebe, you're no daughter of mine now.
There may be a lot longer in the old girl yet.
You're a marvel, son.
With this, the three of you can while away the days together.
Tincture of ergot.
Put it in her milk.
With a drop of whisky.
Of course, I'll need to check up on her regularly.
Oh, certainly.
I don't think Mr Stokes would understand all this effort to keep a sheep alive.
Stokes'll be shown the door.
You have our total faith, Mr McAloon.
Right.
Let's say half a crown for today's visit, sixpence for the medicine and I'll only charge you two shillings for my last visit.
My assistant's very cheap.
I can't believe she's left her family.
Because of my meddling.
Where do you think they've gone? Desmond's got a place at Carbeth.
What a mess.
I'll have to go back.
Why? To cause more havoc? You couldn't help yourself, could you? Sometimes, James, you're like a dog with a bone.
Well, I can't walk away now.
Has anyone ever told you how annoying you are? Yes.
You.
Ah.
God knows how many of them are still to abort.
Come on, farmer's daughter, lead the way.
COW GROANS Feel the swelling on that.
Could it be caused by poisoning? It's almost like arthritis.
Whirly, she's sweating.
Yes, just like Murdoch.
James, let's take some swaps back to the lab, see if they can come up with anything.
I want to see this lab of yours.
There's no poison in here.
That's exactly what's in there.
You really don't know what you're doing.
How dare you? You're a danger to those animals.
Ah! Mother nature! Let me show you the test.
Believe me, sir, this substance is arsenic.
But I paid good money for it.
When I give it horses, they always look healthier.
That's because a little arsenic will strengthen them.
Give them a shiny coat, if used once or twice.
Any more than that makes them sick.
And more than that will kill them dead.
Mr Murray? Desmond, you should get home to Phoebe.
And tell her I poisoned her father's herd? From what I hear, she loves you very much.
She's the light of my life, Mr Herriot.
I'm nothing without her.
But what's she going to think of me now? JAMES SIGHS LAUGHTER So you've spent all this time on one sheep? Professor Richie, um, well, i-it's, er, it's a very important sheep to the family.
And, er, they're grateful to the college for all the attention that I've given her.
It.
Yes, I've heard from Mr Stokes.
The Swinneys don't want his services.
Well, apparently, you're very expensive, Mr McAloon? Five shillings for two visits.
But worth every penny(!) It's a very complicated case.
And what was the ailment exactly? Um.
Er, a psychological breakdown.
Ah.
I despair of you, McAloon.
It seemed to reassure the Swinneys.
I shall expect a large donation to the college library.
Pfff.
Oh, that's unless you want me to apprise Professor Legge of your money-making schemes? No, sir.
No.
We got them from the Murdochs' farm.
It must be Bang's bacillus.
Sweating, swollen joints, calves aborting early.
And I believe Mr Murdoch's got it as well.
Well, from your description of the symptoms, it seems most likely.
I knew it.
Give me time to do the tests.
Thanks, Jagdeep.
Donald, I'll have to forego our drinks later.
She's in here.
Yes.
Hmm.
COW GROANS Aah.
Bang's bacillus.
Eh? No doubt about it.
You'll have to separate the sweating cows from the rest of the herd and slaughter them.
Are you mad, man? I can't kill live, healthy animals.
They're in calf.
I'll lose everything.
I've given you my best advice, Mr Murdoch.
If you act fast, you may save some.
And if I don't? There's no known cure, I'm afraid.
It'll spread to the rest of the herd.
They'll be no calves, no milk for at least two years.
It'll be the end of your farm.
That'll be five shillings.
Ah, James! Mr McAloon has told me of your great liking of fine food.
So, I intend to treat you to lunch at Regano's restaurant on Saturday.
Oh, ha-ha-ha.
Thank you, but I couldn't, Mrs Munro.
Oh, am I hearing things? An invitation to the best restaurant in Glasgow turned down flat? How could you, James? Er.
I don't have anything to wear.
I have kept my husband's wardrobe all these years.
You shall have one of his dress suits.
Go on, James, fatten yourself up at Aunt Elspeth's expense.
Yes.
You don't have to worry about Whirly and me, we'll make our own entertainment, won't we, Whirly? If we have to.
Thank you, Mrs Munro.
I will accept your invitation to lunch.
I think blue would suit you, James.
Bring out the colour of your eyes.
TELEPHONE RINGS Hello? Yes, he is.
Mr McAloon, telephone call for you.
Uh! That does sound serious, Mr Swinney.
I understand completely.
Lilian is most definitely special.
You have my word.
As a vet.
I will be leaving immediately.
Seems like the old girl's taken a turn for the worse.
You don't fancy being a charm and helping me investigate, do you? I get to drive? Obviously much iller than I thought.
Still, we've had a few more hours of her company.
Thanks to you.
I don't think I have to explain what's best here.
She'll suffer no pain.
I promise you.
I shall administer a very generous dose.
Just to make sure.
Mr McAloon, we're not wanting Lilian sent to the knacker's yard.
If it's all the same to you, we want to have her cremated.
MRS SWINNEY SOBS Desmond? You can't stay here.
It's not right.
Well, we can't afford to put me up in a fancy hotel, can we? I can't do this to your father.
He took me in and I've poisoned his livestock.
Some thanks.
You didn't.
You were making them better.
All I've got is this shack.
My reputation's been trashed.
All I can give you is a life of misery.
I'm not having you talk such rubbish.
We've got each other.
Get it into your head, woman, I don't want you.
Don't speak to me like that, Desmond.
The only reason I was with was to get the farm from your father.
No.
I was using you.
And now, you're no use to me, understand? Get yourself back to your family.
I don't love you.
I never have.
Phoebe! He's thrown me out, Whirly.
What? Desmond doesn't want to go through with the wedding.
He said he didn't love me.
Well, that can't be true.
He was only after me for my father's farm.
Phoebe, he told me he adores you.
He lied to you.
Like he's lied to me all this time.
You can stay here tonight.
I'll get you a wee drink.
Miss Tyson.
You were right.
It's Bang's bacillus.
I knew it.
And the arsenic? It was making them worse, yes? There is arsenic in the medicine and it would've made them ill eventually, but it didn't give them swollen joints.
And it wasn't making the cows abort.
You made a mistake, James.
It happens.
What about Desmond and Phoebe? What have I done? We will have to tell the Murdochs.
Oh, no need for that.
Sorry? Well, fortunately for the Murdochs, I was able to diagnose the problem last night.
You went to the Murdochs' farm? I did.
Yes, after you heard about my diagnosis! Miss Tyson, a man of my experience understands all too well the dangers of Bang's bacillus.
It was my duty to inform them at the earliest opportunity.
You cannot take risks here.
I recommended he slaughter the infected cows.
You did it to thwart me.
To thwart you? A ridiculous accusation.
And you witnessed it all, Donald? Professor Gunnell could hardly have been more accommodating.
I've tried very hard to reach out to Miss Tyson.
Alas, she's thrown it back in my face.
There's no doubt she's a headstrong, young woman, but perhaps there's justification for her anger.
What are you suggesting, professor? It can't be easy being in a minority of two in the college.
And, you've said yourself, you don't want women in your classes.
Desmond? Desmond, it's James.
Leave me alone.
You didn't kill those calves.
Desmond? Did you hear me? You're not responsible.
They would have aborted whatever you gave them.
It's a disease called Bang's bacillus.
It's a very serious Yup, I know what it is.
But you said I poisoned the cows.
You proved it.
You would have poisoned them eventually.
Just stick to farming, Desmond.
That's what you know.
And then maybe you'll leave the vetting to the vets.
We just have to hope you get it right? I jumped to conclusions.
You know, this is the this is the coward's way out.
Cos Phoebe needs you, the whole family needs you.
And, yes, I made a mistake, but you're the one that helped me make it, cos you only said the things you thought Mr Murdoch wanted to hear, not what you believed yourself.
You know, you'd hardly believe it but I used to be a brave man once.
Well, you're all going to need guts because your future father-in-law's been advised to slaughter the infected cattle.
Are you feeling all right, Quintin? ECHOED RINGING MUFFLED LAUGHTER Professor Gunnell! What are you doing here? This is for women only.
HE GROANS Is there something wrong, professor? Uh.
Oh.
HE RETCHES Argh.
COWS MOO Mr Murdoch! Don't do it! What are you talking about? There's another way.
All we need is to keep the infected cattle separated.
In time, they'll cure themselves.
It's just essential they don't infect any other cattle.
Believe me, I've done this before.
I just wish I'd spotted the signs earlier.
But your Professor Gunnell, he said different.
Professor Gunnell is a pathologist.
His speciality's dead animals.
Desmond cares about this farm.
Give me a chance to prove myself.
Phoebe.
I need to talk to you.
Why? Since you've never loved me.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean a word of it.
I love you so much.
I'm going to marry you.
And we're going to run this farm.
Together.
Oh, I do so miss the sun.
Not that muffled glow Glasgow occasionally offers.
Oh, and this one, Charles in the south of France.
Looking so handsome.
Hm.
You make a very stylish couple.
Perhaps what you need is a holiday.
I mean, I can look after this place.
Oh, no, I couldn't possibly.
I know it sounds foolish but this place is where I feel closest to Charles.
Wouldn't he want you to go? Want you to enjoy things? No, it would feel like a betrayal.
No, the world will just have to continue to come to me.
Five years ago, you promised us this farm.
It's time you honoured your word.
I'll decide when you get the farm.
Look at yourself, Fraser.
This place has nearly killed you! Give him time, Father.
Mr Murdoch? I think Desmond has an instinct for animals.
This farm could thrive with him in charge.
Well, you heard the man.
It's time to let it go! I'll not be far away.
Son.
Phoebe and I'd be really pleased if you'd agree to be guest of honour at our wedding.
How could I refuse? Thank you.
And do bring your lady friend, James.
If you have one.
Ah, James.
Whirly and I have been waiting up for you.
Well, the choice is yours.
Hm? For our luncheon date.
Ooh.
Oh.
Er, sorry, Mrs Munro, but I have another engagement for Saturday.
I'm to be guest of honour for Phoebe's wedding.
It's back on! That's wonderful news.
In that case, Mr McAloon, I shall allow you to accompany me to Regano's.
Well, no, I was actually going to accompany Whirly to Oh, no, no, I couldn't deprive Aunt Elspeth of a male companion.
There.
Then, you and I very much have a date, Mr McAloon.
Excellent.
Mrs Munro? If I may be so forward as to ask to borrow one of your late husband's suits for the wedding? I shall look forward to seeing you in it.
Thank you.
And if I may use the telephone, please? Oh, if you're brief.
Yes.
Hello? Jenny? Jenny, yeah, it's James.
Herriot.
James Herriot.
Yeah, no, um, I have been invited to a wedding.
Yes.
And, and, and I was hoping that you would agree to come with me.
Oh, that's wonderful.
That is just the cat's pyjamas.
Y-Yes, yes.
No, no, you take care and I'll Hello? Jenny? Jennifer? Jennifer? It's like my Charles, standing there, all over again.
DOOR OPENS Well, look at you! Mr McAloon? Come and have a look at this.
Aunt Elspeth! Miss Whirly Tyson! Hello! Come on, we should go.
Have fun.
FIDDLE PLAYS Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the beautiful Mr and Mrs Murray! ALL CHEER AND APPLAUD JENNY: Congratulations.
KNOCK ON DOOR Mrs Munro? Your transport awaits.
I'm, um, I'm having second thoughts.
All that fetid air and traffic noise.
I rather had my heart set on Regano's famous oysters.
Very well.
Just a ten second walk to the comfort of the car.
Hmm.
Here we are.
Good afternoon.
Mrs Munro.
SHEEP BAAS I-I-I swear I s-saw a sheep.
No, no, it must be the, er, shock of the fresh air, Mrs M.
Th-th-there's something in there.
Maybe you should, um, you should've stayed indoors.
Yes, here we are.
Right.
No oysters for me, then.
You brought Lilian's ashes? Better than that, Mr Swinney.
Are you both prepared for the surprise of your lives? It's a miracle! Rather than prosaic than that, I fear.
That sedative I gave her must have put her to sleep and, perhaps, it's given her body time to heal itself.
I think that's a veritable spring in her step, don't you think? Oh, you're a genius, young sir.
Sadly, the opposite is the case, Mrs Swinney.
To be honest, I've rather been flying by the seat of my pants.
Never.
I think having told you Lilian was dead while she was very much alive is evidence enough of that.
My advice, if you'll take it, is to stick with Mr Stokes.
I doubt he would have made the same mistake I did.
Ah, come away inside and we'll get you a drink and something to eat.
And we got a telegram from our daughter.
We'll tell you all about it.
Very tempting, though that is, Mr Swinney.
I have another fish to fry this evening.
Mr McAloon, thank you so much.
Thank you.
Goodbye.
Here, come on, come on.
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
FIDDLE CONTINUES TO PLAY Come on.
This is my favourite.
On your lonesome again, Whirly? You should've taken me up on my offer.
Be quiet and dance.
Doing anything next Friday? Actually, I have an engagement.
Well, more of a fundraising event, really.
And, given your new interest in politics, perhaps you might find it quite stimulating.
Mother! Father! Five generations of Muirheads have bred Gordon Setters.
You've plenty to worry about with this misconduct hearing today.
She tried to poison me.
Me! The vice principal of the college.
What about this misconduct hearing? Are you in or out? The jury's weighing it up.
But one thing's in my favour.
Jenny Muirhead's in there, fighting my corner.
I'm afraid, this is a little awkward.
Why awkward? How would you like to come and work at the kennels? DOGS BARK To friends! ALL: To friends!