3Below: Tales of Arcadia (2018) s01e03 Episode Script

1 One, two, three below! Ah, yeah, yeah.
And I says to him, "That's not a C-One Class Transporter.
That's a T-Two.
Look at the thrusters, you nimrod!" Am I right? [laughs.]
[alien news anchor.]
On Akiridion-5, a coup has overthrown House Tarron.
The royal family are presumed dead.
Pfft! Please.
Those guys took off on a C-Class.
That's a Royal Mothership.
[Neb.]
With that kinda heat, they could outrun any ship in the known universe.
I've been a transit operator for 16 keltons.
Seen them all.
But that Royal Mothership? Whoa-ho, she's a beaut! [yelps.]
- Oh, hey! Foo Foo - [buzzes.]
uh, the Destroyer.
The Akiridion-5 Royal Mothership, have you seen it? I don't know nothing, you know? I'm just trying to have a good time here.
Want a drink? [Neb gasps.]
What'd you do that for? What I want is the Akiridion-5 Royal Mothership.
Where did you see it, transit operator? Oh! [chuckles.]
So you heard me.
Well, you do have those big, adorable ears.
[Foo Foo snarls.]
I'm scared of them, but I want to hug them at the same time.
[gasps.]
I meant, terrifying ears of death! - The Mothership.
- [yelps.]
Holo-screen, left side.
I've logged every ship I've seen.
Ah! - At last.
Thank you.
- You're welcome, Foo Foo.
[Foo Foo.]
They're mine now.
Ugh! [buzzing, whirring.]
What the? Don't stand in my way.
I am Foo Foo the Destroyer, and I'll destroy you.
[grunts.]
- [clinks.]
- Got it.
[yelps, whimpers.]
No witnesses.
- Oh, my goodness.
[yelps.]
- [weapon pops.]
Oh, my goodness! Whoa.
Easy.
I'm just a robot.
[clicking, popping.]
We should commend ourselves.
We've managed to make it to the fifth of the periods without incident.
And we finally figured out this "cafeteria" thing.
I think we have a very good handle on human food consumption.
[youth.]
Uh [Aja.]
Why are they looking at us? [Mother.]
I have calculated a 98% chance your Akiridion identities will be discovered within the next delson.
And then you will be captured and tortured in the most agonizing manner possible, feeling the exquisite pain of a thousand Tilabian death slugs.
All this agony and pain merely from being discovered? By now, General Morando has employed the deadliest killers in the seven galaxies to locate you.
Your failure to remain inconspicuous will prove fatal.
[Mother.]
Their failure? [signal.]
Wait.
- Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
- No one tells Varvatos Vex to wait! Wait.
Wait.
Varvatos Vex destroys all those who command him to wait, and crushes their remains with murderous glee! [laughs, grunts.]
The machine was insolent and disrespectful.
[sighs.]
This is going to be difficult.
How can we pretend to be human? We don't even know what it means to be human! [Mother.]
That is why I have reduced my planetary analysis to three basic rules of humanity.
Three? That's far too many.
[Mother.]
Rule one Humans are still evolving, so you must prepare for change.
Change of plans.
Pop quiz! - Change! I know what change is! - What are you doing? - I have come prepared with change.
- [laughter.]
[Mother.]
Rule Two Because humans are prone to errors, you must embrace your mistakes.
- Oh! Mr.
Tarron! What are you - I am embracing my mistake.
[students.]
Ugh! - Um, that's - [Mother.]
Finally, rule three You disrupt your classes, you exasperate your teachers.
Explain yourselves.
[Mother.]
When in doubt, play with your phone.
[phones click.]
Were you able to follow the three human rules of being inconspicuous? Hey, there, buddy boy Varvatos will take that as a "no.
" The school overlord gave us something called detention.
We're so bad at being human, we're actually being punished for it.
[swishing.]
Uh? Ahoy, there, buckaroo! [yelps.]
[Eli wailing.]
[Mother.]
Intruder alert.
The Eli.
- You allowed him to follow you home? - He knows where we live.
[Vex.]
This nuisance must be dealt with before he exposes you to the entire planet! [whimpering.]
[Vex.]
Annihilate him! Destroy him! [chuckles.]
Crush his bones to powder! Drink his blood from the keg of glory! [cackling.]
Right, because there's nothing inconspicuous about that.
He seems quite interested in us.
Varvatos has warned you, such curiosity could lead to [both.]
"To agony and pain.
" Yes, yes, we know.
But what can we do about it? Learn what intelligence he's gathered.
- And how should we go about that, exactly? - Torture.
The Eli has ten fingers.
Bring Varvatos back two of them.
Preferably thumbs.
[cackling.]
Since you're such a fan of torture, why don't you do it? He can't.
The great commander Vex refuses to leave the spaceship.
Because to do so would require Varvatos Vex to adopt a form that is wrinkled and saggy! It is beneath Varvatos' station to be gross.
Besides, there is much to be learned about the indigenous culture through this talking box.
[Vex.]
Humans obtain monetary gains and weekend getaways based on their gyrational strength.
I have excellent gyrational strength! Either way, we're not torturing the Eli.
He needs his thumbs.
I need his thumbs! Fine.
But we need to know what is in that mind of his.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - No.
- Not once.
But what if you could? [crickets chirping.]
[dance music playing.]
[Krel.]
Almost there.
Just need to tweak the cranial nob.
And this beat.
- [beeps.]
- [music continues.]
[orb singing.]
[beeps.]
- [Luug barks.]
- Are you having a very small party? I'm making a mind reader to see inside the Eli's head.
[barking.]
Ooh! See inside my head! Ha! - [buzzing.]
- What am I thinking right now? - [Krel.]
I am not a gloober.
- You look like one with that on your face.
No, I read your thoughts! Uh, think of a number between one and 100.
- [Krel.]
Six, 42, 19 - [Luug whimpers.]
- Now you're just thinking of puppies.
- Lively! Wearing Akiridion technology strapped to your face will only draw [together.]
more attention to ourselves.
I can read your mind.
Keep up.
[Aja.]
I'm thinking of a number between one and one thou - [Krel.]
Puppies again? - Kleb! [moaning.]
[Ms.
Janeth.]
Do aliens exist, or are we alone in the universe? I'll let you decide.
Your projects for the school science fair are due next week.
Explore and find inspiration.
Because if I have to grade one more baking soda volcano, I'll explode! Maybe this place has a spare Daxial Array - What are you doing? - I'm going to reconnoiter.
No hugs today, Mr.
Tarron.
[boy.]
If I flunk science, my parents are gonna kill me.
- Then study hard! - What? Do not die, my friend! [girl.]
Why hasn't anyone noticed my new haircut? You eliminated hairs from your head! - Ha! Very pleasing! - Huh? - Did you see how she looked at me? - Yes.
It was sad.
Come, little brother, - [Aja.]
let's find the Eli.
- [sighs.]
Can we just go home already? I have been asking myself that very same question.
Look.
He's talking to that lumbering oaf with golden hair.
[yelps.]
Ugh! - [grunts.]
- Huh? Distract the oaf while I read Eli's thoughts.
I know what I saw, Steve! Right through their window.
- They were aliens! - Aliens? Illegal aliens? No! Alien aliens! Maybe they were just, you know, dressing up the way you dorks like to, huh? This wasn't cosplaying.
They were blue aliens living in a house that just boom! - Appeared out of nowhere! - Look, Arcadia's a strange place.
But it's strange with creeps and Trolls, not blue E.
T.
s and magic houses.
[Steve.]
That's crazy! [Aja.]
Oh, no! Help! Somebody strong and brave with golden hair.
- I gotcha! - No, somebody else.
- Don't gotcha! - Well, looks like a job for the Palchuk.
[chuckles.]
Palchuk! - A word, Mr.
Elijah Leslie Pepperjack.
- [yelps.]
Ugh! What is this? - The heaviest rock on Earth? - Actually, it's from the Moon.
- Lively, right? - Sure.
Can you, um lend me a hand? Mmm let's see.
Nope.
Ooh! Is that a virtual reality headset? Can I try it? You've been spying on us! [thinking.]
He's going to space-kidnap me! Is that a cow? Well, whatever it is you think you saw, the four arms and the blue thing, it wasn't real.
Oh, my gosh.
He knows! He knows I saw blue them! Whatever you saw, there is an explanation.
My sister and I wear special glowing [chuckles.]
clothes, - and, we dress like that because - Cosplay? Steve was right! Cosplay, yes! Uh, what is a cosplay? It's when you dress up as your favorite movie or TV character.
Sometimes I dress up as Super Agent Muldoon from I don't know what that means, but, yes, that is exactly what we do.
[male voice speaking alien language.]
Wait, that language.
That's definitely not from this planet.
Maybe we can cosplay together? [voice speaking alien language.]
- [beeps.]
- [alien voice continues.]
Oh, no! He's getting away! Seklos and Gaylen, help me! [alien voice continues.]
No, no, no, no, no! - [buzzing.]
- Yah-hh! Mr.
Tarron, what on Saturn are you doing? [yelling.]
[grunting.]
- Kleb! - How the heck are you so heavy? - [grunts.]
- Wait, how did you do? Wow! [grunts.]
[Aja.]
What happened to inconspicuous? We're not alone! You just dislodged Uranus.
[grunts.]
[buzzing, bangs.]
Mr.
and Miss Tarron! The school's insurance does not cover planetary destruction! My mistake! - No, no, no! No hugs.
No touching! - Come on, hug? You are both confined to your quarters! "Confined"? I thought we were fleeing a dictatorship.
A dictatorship is what you deserve.
How is destroying a planetarium less conspicuous than torture? - Go ahead and spin - I demanded thumbs! No! The human is about to select door number two! [laughs.]
He chose door number one.
What a larvox! It's just a washing machine.
Can we please focus on the problem? Krel heard the thoughts of an interplanetary life-form.
And what made you so sure it was a non-human? Well, he wasn't thinking in any human language.
This mud-ball has thousands of different languages.
You must have picked up a frequency from a television channel.
- But - You will remain aboard the Mothership for your own protection.
[groans.]
This sucks! Eh? Mother, are you losing air pressure? It's a human term.
It means "I do not like this situation.
" The talking box taught Varvatos a human term as well.
"You are grounded.
" Varvatos thought it meant burying someone alive.
- Disappointing.
- [belching.]
- [gasps.]
- Shh! - What are you doing? - Sneaking out.
Emphasis on "sneaking.
" Now, let's get definitive proof we're not alone on this planet.
And how do you plan on doing that? [Vex bellows.]
The word is clearly "pineapple"! - Idiots! - Going out? Don't forget your jacket, - or you'll catch a cold! - Stay there.
Do not move.
Varvatos would like to solve.
Five-letter word "idiot"! [laughing.]
They'll let anyone on this "talk-box.
" Should have chosen door number two.
It's probably where your IQ was.
- Any more ideas? - [Luug purring.]
[Vex laughing.]
Varvatos loves it! - [sighs.]
- [Luug moans.]
[whimpers, purrs.]
- [barking.]
- [Vex grunting.]
What are you doing, you filthy animal! [Krel.]
Let's go! [Krel.]
I'm not picking anything up.
- It's hopeless.
- Let me try! No, no, no, no.
My invention is very delicate.
- I'll be gentle, little brother.
- [gasps.]
- Be careful! - I am being careful.
Fine, but we need to increase it slowly.
- Like this? - Not at all like this.
What? No! You're gonna break it! No, no, no, no, relax.
You've got the signal range set too low.
We need to increase it if we're going to pick up readings from all over town.
- [whirring.]
- Lively! [woman.]
If he had a good time, why hasn't he called? [man.]
Everyone wants to test-drive a Vespa, but do they ever ask the Vespa dealer if he wants a ride? [woman.]
Nobody bought tickets to my one-woman show.
Is it me? Oh, who else could it be? [overlapping voices.]
- I've never rang the bell! - I'm living a lie! [man.]
I cannot go to Ms.
Janeth's one-woman show.
Then she'll know! [Aja.]
Seklos and Gaylen! [chuckles.]
Humans think they are the center of the universe.
They're several million light years away from that, actually.
I mean, all they think about is themselves and what others might think of them.
She's worried about what he thinks about her, and all he's thinking about is what this other person thinks about him.
Being human is difficult for everyone.
It's even hard for humans.
I never thought of it like that.
But you must focus, Aja.
Listen.
Remember why we're here.
[woman.]
Enrique used my account to order socks.
Again! [Eli.]
Zero hits online for "Cantaloupian Science Fiction.
" [boy.]
Maybe I should take Darcy to play laser-tag.
Who doesn't love tag? [voice speaking alien language.]
[gasps.]
It's him! It's him! It worked for you? I mean, I'm glad it worked.
[voice.]
Akiridion Tarron Aja Krel He said our names! That can't possibly be good.
It must be one of Morando's agents.
[Aja.]
There's only one way to be sure.
Lady Aja, it is clear you are annoyed.
But Varvatos Vex must remain true to his duty, which is to protect you and the King-in-waiting.
[Aja's voice.]
If you're checking in to see how I am, I am satisfactory, and I am studying the three rules to becoming A-plus human.
I will retire shortly.
[man's voice.]
Did you say "retire"? Then retire in style at the Sarasota Retirement Home.
Off Route 66.
Your sunset years can still be golden.
[in Aja's voice.]
Lively! The Commander of the Taylon Phalanx should not be forced to walk the Earth as a hobbled slorvath.
Eh! Varvatos was meant to slay! To murder and pillage.
Not babysit.
This way.
[voice speaking alien language.]
We're close.
Morando's agent must be [tires screech.]
[Aja.]
the golden-haired, lumbering oaf? This makes no sense.
He was speaking with the Eli.
He must have told him about us.
I spoke with the oaf with golden hair and suspected nothing.
He plays dumb so well.
[Aja.]
He must be brilliant.
Who's the king? I'm the king! - Ow! - [kids gasp.]
[gasps.]
What's new kid doing? - What the? - I command you to reveal your true form.
- Do you wanna die, buttsnack? - What is a "buttsnack"? [grunts.]
Hey! No fair! Just stay still and get pummeled.
Hey! Cut it out, kids! [whimpers.]
Oh! I can't not watch! Ha! Knock him back to wherever he came from, Steve! [grunts.]
Delete your mouth, Seamus.
[growls.]
[Steve grunting.]
Keep still, so I can punch your face! The helmet was blocking Oh, no.
Krel, it's not him! I was wrong! [Aja.]
He is an idiot! It seems there's been a misunderstanding here.
My apologies.
You are just an idiot! Oh, yeah? Well, my fist is gonna misunderstand your face.
Krel! Rule number three! - [phone clicking.]
- Lights out, plebe.
- [thumps.]
- [Krel.]
Ugh! Oh! - [gasps.]
- Dude! I'm I'm leaking fluid.
What is this? I must be dying.
Is this the end? Not yet.
- [Steve grunts.]
- Get away from my little brother, snackbutt.
- [Steve grunts.]
- [girl screams.]
[gasps.]
Whoa! [thinking.]
She's like a ninja-kicking angel.
I mean, she she kicks ninjas, but she's an angel.
[voice speaking alien language.]
Oh, no.
- Krel, it's him! - Who? The burrito bandit! [Aja.]
He is the alien! [engine starts.]
Hey! What about my guacamole? I paid extra! - [tires screech.]
- [man.]
Whoa! Slow down! - [thinking.]
What am I doing? - [siren wails.]
[engine roars.]
[engine roars.]
[truck horn blares.]
Aja! Are you? [gasps.]
I knew you'd break it! Not the time.
He's getting away! - [tires screech.]
- [barking.]
- Luug? What are you doing here? - [barking.]
- [chuckles.]
- [Vex.]
Stop right there! Argh! These feeble human knees! [tires screeching.]
[Vex grunting.]
Halt, you steel monster! [barking.]
[Vex groans, bones crack.]
- You left the house? - Did the television break? I left during what is called "commercials.
" Ugh! Being inconspicuous is painful and exhausting.
- [gasps, whimpers.]
- [slippers squeaking.]
Halt! By the order of House Tarron! [Vex.]
Run, you disgraceful coward! Varvatos Vex will rain glorious death on all you hold dear! [growling.]
No! [Luug growling.]
As the King-in-waiting of Akiridion-5 you are under arrest.
[gasps.]
No way! It really is you, Krel! I knew it! And [sighs.]
you must be Aja.
[click, whirs.]
Oh! I am the biggest fan.
OMG.
Could I do a little sketch of you guys? Oh, I know, I'm kidding.
[chuckles.]
[all.]
Ugh! What the? [Alpha.]
According to the transit logs, our fortune awaits in the next system.
Dead or alive, the royals will be ours.
[beeping.]
[Omega.]
There will be no "alive.
"