A Good Girl's Guide to Murder (2024) s01e03 Episode Script

MAX: Andie sold drugs.
PIP: How do you know?
I was one of her customers.
She sold them at
Calamity parties, mainly.
Sal hated drugs.
This is how I show my love
I made it in my mind because
Blame it on my ADD, baby ♪
Calamity is hot and
sweaty and noisy
and just a little bit f
up in all the best ways.
This is how an angel dies ♪
You're such a good girl, Pip.
Are you really ready for that?
Blame it on my ADD, baby
Sail
Sail
Sail
Sail
Sail
Maybe I'm a different breed
Maybe I'm not listening
So blame it on my ADD, baby. ♪
So, guys, I really want
to go to a Calamity party.
You want to what?
I realise it's somewhat
out of character.
Somewhat? Try a-lot-what.
Yes! I've been dying to go to
a Calamity since, like, Year 9.
Pip, you hate parties. They
say try everything once.
I believe the acronym
is YOLO. Exactly!
I can't go to film school until
I've been to a proper party.
Plus, Ant will be there.
CHATTER, LAUGHTER
CARA SQUEAKS CHILDISHLY
As will Ruby Foxcroft
MOCKS CARA SQUEAKING
Shut up and eat
your Muller Light.
I heard there's a Calamity
at the start of every term.
How do we find it?
Guys, people like us
don't get invited.
These things are super secret.
Yeah, and not to mention
infamously debauched.
12 down. "Acrimonious".
Lucky we're such good
problem solvers, then.
BELL RINGS
Right, our task is to work out
when and where the
next Calamity will be,
and how to gain access.
MUSIC: Guillotine
by Mansionair
Yeah
I got one, two, 99 problems
And the cig in my
hand it ain't one
And I'm trying to quit but I
can't As I flick through the Gram
Like I'm staring down
the barrel of a gun
The tip of the iceberg
melting in the sun
A glimpse of the climate
change getting warm
Little ol' me That's
the eye of the storm
Wish I could turn my
mind off for a month
Take my head away from me
Antoinette, sweet Marie
Chop it off, squeaky clean
I got thoughts nobody
needs Down below ♪
Oooh! What's wrong?
It's fine it's fine.
I just liked Becca Bell's post.
Lost my mind, guillotine
Guillotine ♪
This is pointless. No-one's
posted anything incriminating.
The black ribbons
are clearly a clue.
I've seen them in the woods.
Wait! Look.
"Five more sleeps".
There's a party this
Saturday. PHONE CHIMES
Guys, Naomi's just
replied. Finally!
Apparently, when she
used to go to Calamities,
the location was shared at midday
the Monday before the party.
But that's, like
Now!
If all goes well he'll
return to the world
And get praised for
the records he sells. ♪
Loved that dance
challenge you posted.
I'm surprised it didn't trend.
It got 1,300 likes.
That's not bad.
But I suppose if you really
want to hit those FYPs,
you have to game the algorithm.
Oh, yeah? Sounds complicated.
No. You just have to adjust
your visibility settings.
I could do it for
you if you like?
Fine.
Come on, Pipsqueak. I've
got to go to Spanish.
Si, por supuesto.
One more second
BELL RINGS
Done.
Prepare to viralise!
PIP CHUCKLES
Did you just say "viralise"?
THEY ALL CHUCKLE
BELL RINGS That's it, folks.
Read chapter two by next week.
I've tried it as a numerical code
in case they're co-ordinates.
An anagram in case
it's an address
That doesn't look like English.
I was listening.
I thought your point
on pathetic fallacy
in the Gothic novel was spot on.
Thank you.
It's a codebreaking game.
We have to find a location using
the code "black banana bears".
Oh, like what3words?
Of course!
I'm so stupid!
You are a certified genius.
Black banana bears
Shit, it's in the
middle of nowhere.
So, this guy Andie was selling for
- we think he's Secret Older Guy?
Could be.
Or he could have nothing to
do with Secret Older Guy.
Maybe Andie was just involved
in a drug deal gone wrong.
Either way, we need
to find this dealer.
How, though? Elementary,
my dear Watson.
I'm not going to get into this
right now, but I am not Watson.
OK, well, I am clearly Sherlock.
Nah, I've got that sexy
Cumberbatch energy.
And you're clearly
Martin Freeman.
That it is ridiculous!
Don't get sidetracked.
What's the plan?
Max said the dealer
could be at a Calamity.
So, I'll be attending
one this Saturday.
I need to follow the drugs.
Pip, you can't just waltz up
to some dealer and be like,
"Hey, what's the craic
with that murder?"
You could come too?
I know people were awful
to you after Sal died.
You're on your own for this one.
Don't do anything rash.
That, my friend,
is classic Watson.
Which one says
"party" to you more?
Fleece? The knit?
Neither.
All right, spill the tea.
What tea?
You obviously want to
go because of the case.
Can't I just be trying to YOLO?
That doesn't even make sense.
Excited to see Ruby?
PIP GIGGLES
She's way out of my league.
Says who? You're funny,
you're kind
Ah, you've got great teeth.
You won the bleep test
three years in a row!
Go forth and conquer,
like a queer Boudicca.
All right, calm down.
Let's not get there too late.
I remember Naomi saying
Calamities can get dark.
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
You two off out?
Uh, yeah. Just to a party.
Since when do you
two go to parties?!
Party, huh? What party?
It's not a "party" party,
more like a social gathering.
Well, take some money from my
wallet for a cab home, yeah?
Will do.
Oh, and remember, if anyone
offers you any drugs,
just take half first. OK?
No. No Sh. Let's get
rid of you, come on.
Maybe just a dab.
No, no, no. No.
That's how we met! No, dear!
Memories! Off we go. He's joking.
VICTOR IMITATES RAVE MUSIC
That's not that's not real.
Goodbye. Come on.
I'm just saying, your
parents are, like, the dream.
They're fun,
intellectual equals,
hot for middle-aged people.
They're not hot! To be
fair, they kind of are.
It says this is it.
Black Banana Bears.
We could text the boys,
see if they're here yet.
This way.
This is unreal.
Maybe we should go back.
You'll be fine once
we go in. MUSIC THUMPS
Knock back a few Pina Coladas
Pip, it's a rave. They're not
going to have Pina Coladas.
Dad says a party is never a
party without Pina Coladas.
Ready?
Let's do this, bitches.
Come on.
MUSIC: Patient
Zero by Starmaxx
You can call me patient zero
You can call me
freaking weirdo
You can stab me in the
heart and leave me in the dark
But I'm still
standing here though
You can run away and hide
But I will always be inside
You can say you got a
choice but I'm that tiny voice
That howls in your mind
Cos I'm the monster
in your head right now
Call first responders
'fore I slay this crowd
Don't give me dollars
I don't want that clout
Just give me what
your soul allows
Yeah, I'm the monster
underneath your bed
I'm a psychedelic
crawling in your head
I'mma wake you up
from the walking dead
So we can feel
alive again ♪
It's like Dante's Inferno!
When can we leave? Not yet.
I tried to do a Sex On The Beach
but they only had vodka and orange.
So it's mainly just "beach".
Ugh. Let's go find the boys.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
So we can feel
alive again ♪
CHUCKLING
INDISTINCT BACKGROUND CHATTER
ALL: Ooooh!
Oh! Yay!
CHUCKLING
What the hell? I
think it's a sex game.
Cara Ward!
Didn't know this was your scene.
It's not.
Usually.
Come and dance.
Hey, girls. Want to play?
Come on, I'll wingwoman you.
ALL: Oooooh!
THEY EXCLAIM
You don't have to go
if you don't want to.
It's fine. I'll go.
We just talk?
The point of the
game isn't to talk.
I'm way too sober.
I need something
to get me going.
Oh, yeah?
Huh!
Ant's got my Special K.
I can go get it if you
want. Oh Not for me.
Makes me feel too special.
Huh! Last Calamity, I got these
mad shrooms off my dealer.
Shit got so fucked up.
Is he here?
Your dealer?
Why do you want to see my
dealer? No offence, but
..you don't seem like the type.
Mm. I suppose I've spent my whole
school career focused on work
and getting into uni.
Now I just want to
..let loose.
Go a bit wild.
Hmm Wild sounds fun.
I'll sort you out.
Where are we going?
To meet Howie.
In there.
Aren't you coming?
Nah. I'll wait.
Be careful, yeah?
Of what?
Yeah?
Hi.
I'm a friend of Dylan's.
That prick owes me 60 quid.
I could pay you back.
I've got three
questions for you.
£20 per question.
All right.
Hi.
Hi Sorry, excuse me.
Excuse me.
Is it true Andie Bell used
to deal drugs for you?
Yeah.
What kind?
Weed. Ket. Rohypnol.
Bit of Mandy.
Rohypnol?
Isn't that a date rape drug?
Ketamine's a horse
tranquillizer.
People'll take
anything for a buzz.
I liked Andie.
She was cool.
Andie was the perfect decoy.
Till she wasn't.
Why?
Do you know where I got this?
Belmarsh.
Some bloke took against me.
Filled a kettle with sugar.
Boiled it.
Threw it in my face.
Just kidding.
Your face! I've
never been Belmarsh.
SHE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY
Yeah. No. Of course not.
No, my brother did
it. The wreckhead.
Man who looks like me,
people assume the worst.
But a golden girl like Andie, who
kept her stash in a toy bunny -
no-one suspected her.
They never found
her burner phone.
Never found me.
One more question.
Choose wisely.
Where were you on the
19th of April, 2019?
Are you accusing
me of something?
No.
Sounds like you are.
I'm honestly not.
You think cos I deal drugs I go
around murdering teenage girls?
No No, I didn't
WHISPERS: What if I do?
Howie, leave her alone.
RAGGED BREATHING
Whoa What's the matter?
Howie
Hey, hey, hey
you're safe now.
You know, you actually look
cute when you're scared.
Come here.
Stop.
Dylan, no!
You said you wanted
to loosen up.
Everything OK?
All right, you little creep
Piss off.
Cockblocker.
You good?
Come on.
I'll walk you back.
Are you OK to find your friends?
Watch out, yeah? Bad shit
can happen at these parties.
Bad shit?
Just keep an eye on your drink.
MUSIC THUMPS AND DISTORTS
SHE PANTS
DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES
PHONE VIBRATES
Hi.
Sorry it's late. I thought you
might still be out partying.
No, I'm home now.
What are you doing?
Well, I'm thinking if
I go via the catacombs,
I'm definitely going to
get eaten by zombies. Mm
Don't go via the
catacombs, then.
But then, if I go through
the centre of the city,
I'll probably get shot
by the resistance.
That is a tough
decision, isn't it?
It's kind of life or death.
So was it as messed
up as people say?
It was actually pretty boring.
I've been feeling bad that
I didn't come with you.
Don't.
We're a team.
It's just
..after Andie went missing,
people have treated me,
my mum and my dad, like
we we're all guilty.
So sometimes I guess
it's just easier for me
to hide in my room and kill
zombies than it is to, you know,
face everyone.
But I feel bad I
wasn't there for you.
Don't. I get it.
Will you meet me tomorrow
and give me a full debrief?
Yeah. I think I'll leave you
to it, and we'll talk tomorrow.
OK, Sarge. Goodnight.
Bye.
PHONE VIBRATES
CHURCH BELL TOLLS
Pip?
Yeah?
I know what you're doing.
You're investigating
Andie's case, aren't you?
I just have one question.
Why?
Firstly, I can understand how
difficult No this must
You can't.
They got her smile wrong.
She, um She had
a dimple, just here.
I'm just trying to
find out the truth.
It's not about the truth.
People act like this stuff is for
the dead person, but it's not.
It's for them.
RINGING TONE
Hello, Sarge.
I've just made you one of my
signature no-alcohol cocktails.
It's called a Pipsmopolitan.
It's like a
Cosmopolitan but with
Where are you anyway?
I'm really sorry, but I'm not
going to be able to come today.
I want to, I really do, but
..something's just
come up, so I can't.
Hey, it's OK. Are you all right?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Don't worry, just call me when
you can about the Calamity party.
I still want to get the scoop.
Thank you.
CARA: And then Lauren
said you disappeared
into some cave-hole with Dylan.
It was fine. I just went home.
I do want to know what
happened with you and Ruby.
Well, we we danced for a
bit and we kissed for a bit,
and it was
But then I came back
to the dance floor,
and Lauren was freaking out cos
you'd gone, and we didn't know
where you were, and you weren't
answering texts, and I just
..I felt really bad.
I left a man behind, and
I'm really sorry. No.
It was my fault. I was the one
who left without saying anything.
So what happened?
I went to the party to talk
to a guy who knew Andie.
Suspect?
Yeah.
It was scary.
Did he tell you anything?
Yeah.
It's just
..usually I know what to do
..but right now, I'm just kind of
like my head's all over the place.
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
Hello? Hello, Pip.
Hi. What happened last night?
In what way? Getting
in with Josh.
He said that you,
er hogged the duvet.
I just didn't
fancy sleeping alone.
Can I talk to you, please?
About what?
I need to practise before
my mock Cambridge interview.
So, I spoke to Elliot earlier,
and he mentioned that you've
bene hanging out with Ravi Singh.
No, I haven't.
Don't lie to me.
It's just EPQ stuff.
You promised me that you would
not bother those families.
Anyway, Victor and
I have discussed it,
and we've decided that it's
not an appropriate topic. So
..Elliot's going to talk to you on
Monday about choosing a new topic.
Maybe you can go back to
Gothic literature or something.
Find something else
to write about.
OK?
OK.
Vic's doing his minty lamb.
Do you want to come and
help with chopping duties?
PIP SIGHS
MUSIC: Osiris by
Matstubs & Rfen
BECCA: I know what you're
doing. I just have one question.
Why?
HOWIE: You think cos I deal drugs,
I go around murdering teenage girls?
What if I do?
I got you something.
The quietest food in the world.
So, are you going to tell
me what we're doing here?
Andie kept her drug stash
hidden in a toy rabbit.
And she had a burner phone.
Which probably contains
a load of secret contacts
and messages that
we don't know about.
And I'm willing to bet that
both are inside that house.
Sorry, you're suggesting
we break into the Bells'?
Not break. Sneak.
I just know there's
something in there.
Dawn and Jason
have left for work.
We're just waiting on Becca.
Are you sure everything's
OK? Why wouldn't it be?!
You can tell me I'm insane if
you want. I'm still doing it.
I mean, you are insane.
But that's why a
Sherlock needs a Watson.
I'll keep watch.
A brown man sneaking into a white
family's house is not a good look.
DOOR CLOSES IN BACKGROUND
Look.
If I see danger, I'll
text you a code word.
What code word?
Marshmallow.
CAMERA CLICKS
I'm afraid we're going
to have to operate.
RIPPING
VEHICLE APPROACHES
What?!
RINGING TONE
THEY WHISPER: Oi! What are you
doing?! I was marshmallowing you.
Becca's back. She must
have forgotten something.
FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS
Monty?
Are you in here?
DOORBELL
DOORBELL
THEY PAN
Oh, shit. I think I just
had a coronary event.
Wait.
No!
Oh, my God!
Burner phone?
No.
DOOR CLOSES
Who is it? What do we do?
Find a back window and
slide down the drainpipe.
Are you mad?! We went indoor rock
climbing for Cara's last birthday.
Someone'll see. Let's just listen
and we'll make a run for it.
Fine.
What are you doing?!
There might be evidence.
It's full of drugs.
If we get caught
MAN: The old girl over the road said
some youth was casing the joint.
No sign of forced entry.
Shall I check the back?
I'm late to a pilates class.
Can't be too careful, Bex.
Pretty girl like you, home alone.
How nice of you to care. Wouldn't
mind a cuppa while I look around.
UTENSILS CLATTER
INDISTINCT CHATTER
I need to leave soon.
It's not too far.
SHE MOUTHS
Go, go, go! I'm going,
I'm going, I'm going!
Go! I'm going!
That was incredible!
That was awful. We were amazing!
Speak for yourself. I think
I might have wee'd myself.
My head is spinning
around and around
As I go deep into
the funnel of love
It's such a
crazy, crazy feeling
I get weak in the knees
My poor old head is a-reelin'
As I go deep into
the funnel of love. ♪