Aaahh!!! Real Monsters (1994) s01e03 Episode Script

( clock chiming, thunderclap )
( creaking )
( owl hooting )
( shrieking )
( crying )
( gasps )
( screaming )
JUST DO IT!
[Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEON
and THE U.S. DEPARTMEN
OF EDUCATION]
( needle scratching record )
( monster chuckles )
( laughing )
LARGE, PLEASE.
( gasps )
( shrieks )
( screams )
( bells ringing )
( all yell )
( squeak )
( crickets chirping )
( sniffing )
( squealing )
( chuckling )
I LOVE BEING SMELLY.
MMM, A WORM.
ARE YOU ENJOYING
YOURSELF?
NEVER HAD A BETTER TIME.
BETTER THAN WHEN YOU
WERE FLEA-INFESTED?
SURE.
OR WHEN YOU ATE
THAT CAR STEREO
AND BURPED
COUNTRY MUSIC?
OH, YEAH.
EVEN THE TIME
WE PLAYED MARBLES
WITH YOUR EYEBALLS?
YUP. ( chuckles )
THIS IS THE BEST TIME EVER.
'TIS YOUR TURN
TO PICK OU
WHAT WE DO NEXT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
BOYS AND GIRLS
HE IS GROSS, DISGUSTING,
THE VILEST THING
THAT EVER WALKED THE EARTH.
HE HAS THE WORST ODOR
IN THE UNIVERSE!
I THINK HE'S TALKING
ABOUT YOU, KRUMM.
Barker:
HE IS WENDELL
THE WORLD'S SMELLIEST MAN!
( gagging )
YOU GOT TO ADMI
WHOEVER THIS WENDELL GUY IS
HE'S REALLY POPULAR.
( flies buzzing )
HE IS RATHER IMPRESSIVE
FOR A HUMAN.
YOU CAN'T TELL MOLD
BY ITS FUZZ.
HE WANTS TROUBLE,
HE'S GOING TO GET IT.
WENDELL TAKE MY PITS.
( sniffing )
( screams )
Oblina and Ickis ( chanting ):
KRUMM, KRUMM, KRUMM!
KRUMM, KRUMM, KRUMM
OH, SEEMS YOU'VE MADE
A FEW NEW FRIENDS, KRUMM.
I KNOW, WATCH THIS.
READY, GUYS?
TA-DA!
( laughs )
( fireworks whistling )
Monsters:
OOH AH
( clock chiming )
IT'S MIDNIGHT!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
KRUMM!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KRUMM!
GEE, THANKS, GUYS.
( clock continues chiming )
( gasping )
HEY, COME BACK HERE.
WHERE YOU GOING?
PROBABLY BACK
TO THEIR HOME
WHICH IS EXACTLY WHERE
WE SHOULD BE HEADING.
YOU COMING?
SURE, I'VE NEVER BEEN
TO A FLY'S HOME
BEFORE.
NOT THEIR HOME,
OUR HOME!
I GOT
I GOT TO GO CHECK ON SOMETHING.
I'LL CATCH UP
WITH YOU GUYS LATER.
HEY, GUYS, IT'S ME.
OKAY, READY?
SOMETHING STINKS HERE
AND IT'S NOT ME.
( exercise machine whirring )
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I'M WORRIED
ABOUT YOU, KRUMM.
I DIDN'T SMELL YOU
COME IN LAST NIGHT.
I DON'T SMELL ME NOW.
( sniffing )
MY GOODNESS
YOU'VE LOS
YOUR SMELL.
WHATEVER WILL WE DO?
I CAN'T GO TO CLASS.
EVERYONE WILL LAUGH AT ME.
OH, DEAR.
WE'LL TELL THE GROMBLE
YOU ATE TOO MANY
CANDLES OFF
YOUR CAKE YES.
I'VE ALWAYS HAD B.O.
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
ICKIS?
HERE.
BLORP?
HERE
PRESENT
AQUI.
KRUMM?
KRUMM?
UH, GROMBLE, SIR
KRUMM WANTED ME
TO TELL YOU THAT
THIS BETTER BE GOOD
OR HE'S GOING TO BE
SNORCH FOOD!
Krumm:
HERE.
( sniffs )
YOUR ODOR'S BACK!
Gromble:
WELL
WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?
UH IT'S MY BIRTHDAY?
YOUR BIRTHDAY? AND I FORGOT?
WELL, THEN
I'LL JUST HAVE TO
MAKE IT UP TO YOU.
WHAT IS THE MEANING
OF THIS?
I BROUGHT MY OWN LUNCH?
HOW DID THOSE GET THERE?
IMPLANTS!
I SMELL EVERYTHING, KRUMM
EVERYTHING BUT YOU!
I LOST MY ODOR.
REALLY? YOU DEPEND
ALMOST ENTIRELY
ON YOUR STENCH,
DON'T YOU?
UH-HUH.
HOW TRAGIC.
MUST BE AWFUL TO LOSE
SOMETHING SO
NEAR AND DEAR.
POOR KRUMM.
BUT
IF YOU CAN'T KEEP UP
WITH THE RES
OF THE CLASS
YOU'RE OU
ON YOUR EYEBALLS!
YOU MAY WAN
TO TAKE TIME
TO THINK ABOUT THIS.
Oblina:
MR. GROMBLE, SIR
AREN'T YOU BEING
JUST A BIT TOO HARSH WITH KRUMM?
ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY METHODS?
N-N-NO.
GOOD. I DIDN'T THINK SO.
KRUMM?
KRUMM, ARE YOU HERE?
( gasps )
SORRY.
HE'S NOT IN THERE,
EITHER.
"DEAR ICKIS AND OBLINA
"THE GROMBLE WAS RIGHT.
I'M NOTHING. GONE HOME."
( gasps )
OH, KRUMM.
HI, SON.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
GREAT CROP, HUH?
I GUESS.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, SON?
I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU
THIS DOWN.
WHY AREN'T YOU
AT SCHOOL?
I WISH I COULD BE.
I'M EX-STINKED.
YOU MEAN
I LOST MY SMELL, DAD.
OH, NO THE CURSE
OF THE KRUMM.
THE WHAT?
THE CURSE OF THE KRUMM.
WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?
IT ALREADY DID, SON.
YOU LOST YOUR SMELL.
WILL I
GET IT BACK?
NO ONE IN OUR FAMILY
HAS SO FAR.
BUT YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN
A PRETTY SMELLY GUY.
STINKBUGS AND
SARDINES, SON.
I TRIED THAT ON THE GROMBLE
AND HE CAUGHT ME.
YEAH, CAUGHT ME, TOO.
DARN FLOWERS.
WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME ABOUT IT?
IT'S ALWAYS
SKIPPED A GENERATION.
AND SINCE I HAD IT, WELL
I'M SORRY.
I I HAD NO WAY TO KNOW.
WELL, WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW?
GOOD CATCH, SON.
HEY, WHY DON'T YOU
JOIN ME?
HORVAK AND SON.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
DAD, I I NEED TO
MAKE IT ON MY OWN.
YEAH.
SON
I'LL BE PROUD NO MATTER WHA
YOU DO.
( shrieks )
OKAY, WAIT FOR ME.
LET'S GO.
AND NO STOPPING FOR DRINKS.
WHEN I GROW UP,
I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE YOU.
HEY, I USED TO BE REAL SMELLY.
YEAH, SURE, AND I HAVE TWO EYES.
( all laughing )
( shrieks )
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WE'VE COME TO TAKE YOU HOME.
I AM HOME.
YOU JUST LOST YOUR SMELL,
THAT'S ALL.
Krumm:
THAT WAS EVERYTHING.
WHAT ABOUT US?!
YOU'RE A MONSTER,
KRUMM.
WE'LL FIND SOMETHING ELSE
FOR YOU TO DO.
SOMETHING SO ROTTEN,
SO VILE, SO DISGUSTING
THAT GROMBLE WILL BEG
FOR YOU TO COME BACK.
LIKE WHAT?
CAN YOU HELP ME, SONNY?
IN A MINUTE.
HOW ARE YOU
AT OOZING PUS?
DRY AS A BONE.
GROWING FANGS?
I CAN'T.
HOW ABOUT WELLING UP AND LOOMING
LIKE ICKIS DOES?
I HAVE TO GE
TO THE OTHER SIDE.
HANG ON, POPS.
YOU CAN HOWL
QUITE WELL.
I'VE HEARD YOU
IN YOUR SLEEP.
I WANT TO COME BACK.
BUT IF I DON'T SMELL
I WANT TO CROSS
AND I WANT TO CROSS NOW!
ALL RIGHT, ALREADY.
MAYBE I SHOULD GIVE SCARING
ANOTHER TRY.
OF COURSE YOU SHOULD.
WE'LL FIND SOMETHING YOU CAN DO.
YAH OH!
WHOOPS, THERE GOES
ANOTHER ONE.
NOW REMEMBER,
DON'T SHOOT TILL
THE WATER'S
UP TO YOUR EYES.
( gurgling and gagging )
THAT'S IT, KRUMM!
( coughing and spitting )
THAT WAS FUNNY.
DO IT AGAIN.
GREAT, NOW I'M FUNNY.
WELL, NOW, MAYBE
ICKIS'S TALEN
WASN'T FOR YOU.
BUT WHAT ABOUT MINE?
YOU'RE PRETTY SCARY.
THANK YOU.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS REACH
WAY DOWN INSIDE YOURSELF
AND SEE WHAT YOU COME UP WITH.
SEE? IT IS SIMPLE.
HERE GOES NOTHING.
I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING.
DEEPER, YOU HAVE
TO REACH DEEPER.
( grunts )
I TOLD YOU, I GOT NOTHING.
COME ON, KRUMM.
LEAVE ME ALONE,
I'M, I'M USELESS.
NOW IS NOT A TIME
TO GIVE UP!
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
IF I THINK I
I CAN STINK IT MAYBE.
I LOVE YOU.
THINK IT, STINK IT.
THINK IT, STINK IT. THINK IT
I'VE GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
OH
ISN'T HE PRECIOUS?
OH, I JUST THINK HE'S PRECIOUS.
( kissing and cooing ):
PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS.
( snarling )
( yelling )
( screaming )
KRUMM, YOU'VE DONE IT!
YOU HAVE FOUND THE NEW YOU!
YOU LOOK AWFUL!
I DO?
I DID IT, I DID IT, I DID IT!
( laughing )
I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO THANK YOU GUYS.
( gasping )
( groaning )
AH
ICKIS, OBLINA
I GOT MY SMELL BACK!
( laughing )
KRUMM, YOU STINK AGAIN.
WHAT A STENCH!
( chuckles )
THAT'S MY BOY.
HE BROKE THE CURSE OF THE KRUMM.
IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE.
YOUR SON WORKED HARD,
HE NEVER GAVE UP
AND HIS REWARD IS A STENCH
THAT BRINGS TEARS TO MY EYES.
I COULD HAVE DONE THAT.
OH, PLEASE,
YOU WERE HOPELESS.
NOTHING PERSONAL.
( wet footsteps approaching )
( roars )
( screams )
CUT.
MARTY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING TO ME HERE?
IS IT AN OVERWHELMING
DESIRE TO BANKRUPT ME?
IS THAT IT?
NO, J.B., IT'S JUST THAT
I'M NOT FEELING SO HOT.
CALL ME A PERFECTIONIS
BUT I'D LIKE TO
FILM THIS SCENE
WITHOUT YOU FALLING DOWN
JUST ONCE!
TAKE FIVE.
TAKE FIVE.
( wet rumbling )
( shrieking )
WHEREVER ARE YOU GOING?
TO SEE WHERE WE ARE.
IT'S WHERE WE AREN'T--
BACK AT SCHOOL.
I SAID LEFT A
THE LAST DRAINPIPE
BUT NO, LET'S NO
LISTEN TO ICKIS.
HOW ABOUT A QUICK
SCARE BEFORE DINNER?
J.B.:
MARTY?
HIDE!
THIS IS NO TIME
TO TAKE A NAP, MARTY!
( groans )
OH, GREAT.
NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
( sneezes )
( screams )
( screams )
THAT WAS GREAT!
IT WAS?
I CAN'T REMEMBER
THE LAST TIME
AN EXTRA ACTUALLY SCARED ME.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, BOY?
KRUMM.
KRUMM? SOUNDS
LIKE A SNACK CAKE.
LET ME TELL
YOU SOMETHING.
SUCCESS IS ALL IN THE TIMING.
I NEED A NEW STAR
FOR MY PICTURE.
YOU WANT THE JOB?
JOB?
YOU'LL BE
THE SCARIES
MONSTER EVER.
GRUEL.
WHICH OF MY MOVIES
HAVE YOU SEEN?
CERTAINLY
YOU'VE HEARD OF
THE MONSTER FROM
THE BLACK LAGOON.
NOPE.
THE BIG MONSTER
FROM THE BLACK LAGOON?
THE BIG BLACK MONSTER FROM
THE BLACK LAGOON?
WELL
THIS MOVIE'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT.
I'M GONNA CALL IT
THE RELATIVELY SMALL MONSTER
FROM THE BIG BLACK LAGOON.
PRETTY EXCITING, HUH?
YOUR AGENT--
WHO ARE YOU WITH?
ICKIS AND OBLINA.
NEVER HEARD OF 'EM.
I BETTER GO.
GO? ARE YOU NUTS?
THIS IS YOUR BIG CHANCE.
WE HAVE ART TO MAKE.
YOU DRINK A LOT OF COFFEE?
YOU'RE QUITE SMALL
BUT SO IS MICKEY ROONEY
AND HE SCARES
THE HEEBIE-JEEBIES
OUT OF ME.
( shrieking )
THAT'S MY BOY.
I THINK HE MISTOOK KRUMM
FOR A HUMAN IN COSTUME.
( buzzer )
GET OUT OF THE WAY!
EXTRAS.
YOU LOOK LIKE
A CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
( screams )
IT'S NICE WHEN
THE HOLIDAYS COME EARLY.
I REALLY LIKE RICE.
YOU'RE A FIENDISH MONSTER.
SHE'S MARRIED TO THE MAN
WHO BANISHED YOU
TO THE BLACK LAGOON
FORCING YOU TO BECOME
THE RELATIVELY SMALL MONSTER
FROM THE BIG BLACK LAGOON.
AND
ACTION.
ACTION!
( camera running )
ACTION.
ACTION!
WHENEVER YOU'RE READY.
WHENEVER YOU'RE READY.
READY FOR WHAT?
TO SCARE HER!
SCARE HER.
OH, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?
( roars )
THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!
AND IN ONE TAKE.
PINCH ME, I'M DREAMING.
IS THIS MANIAC
A PROFESSIONAL OR WHAT?
WHO FEELS THE LOVE?
IS IT ONLY ME?
I BETTER GET OUT OF HERE.
HO!
YOU'RE HEADED
THE WRONG WAY, COME ON.
I'LL SHOW YOU TO YOUR TRAILER.
THESE HUMANS
ARE EVERYWHERE.
LET'S FIND KRUMM
AND GET OUT OF HERE.
YOU'RE GOING
TO LIKE IT HERE, KRUMMY.
IT'S NOT ABOU
THE MONEY FOR US.
IT'S ABOUT THE LOVING
AND THE CARING
AND THE GIVING AND THE DOING.
WE'RE A FAMILY.
HEADS UP.
WHY DON'T WE GO INSIDE?
WE GOT CONTRACTS TO SIGN.
( sniffing )
AND YOU MIGHT WAN
TO THINK ABOUT A SHOWER.
I DON'T SHOWER.
A METHOD ACTOR, HUH?
ALL RIGHT, WE'LL DO
THE CONTRACTING LATER
WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MOOD.
( woman screams )
SORRY!
NEXT TIME YOU FORGE
MY SALAD FORK
YOU CAN FORGET YOUR JOB, TOO!
GOOD SCARE.
IT'S ALL PART OF THE GAME.
YOU ACT LIKE A MONSTER,
THEY TREAT YOU LIKE ROYALTY.
I LOVE GAMES.
YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
LET'S DO LUNCH WHILE
I SHOW YOU THE ROPES.
DO LUNCH?
YOU'VE GOT A LOT TO LEARN.
( coughs )
REPEAT AFTER ME.
"YOU LOOK FABULOUS."
AH
WE'RE SAFE.
Man:
AND ACTION!
NOW, WHY DOES THA
SOUND FAMILIAR?
BEAUTIFUL! PRINT.
ANYBODY MIND
IF I TAKE THIS TIRE?
KRUMM REQUESTED I
FOR HIS TRAILER.
I NEED TIME
ON THOSE BUSTED TVs.
THEY'RE NOT EASY TO GET.
PSST!
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
HERE.
GREAT GARBAGE.
THANKS, I PICKED IT OUT MYSELF.
I THINK THE THREE OF US
SHOULD GET GOING.
WHERE?
BACK TO SCHOOL.
MAYBE I'LL GO
BACK THERE SOMEDAY.
WHEN?
LET ME CHECK MY BOOK.
WHAT IS THAT FOR?
IT'S A GAME.
WHAT DO YOU WIN?
( knocking )
YEAH?
HERE'S YOUR SLUDGE.
IF THERE'S ANYTHING
ELSE YOU NEED
I MEAN ANYTHING
JUST PAGE ME
ON MY BICYCLE PHONE.
THAT'S WHAT YOU WIN.
WANT ME TO LEAVE THIS
FOR THE GROMBLE?
WHAT ABOUT SCARING HUMANS?
J.B. SAYS I'LL SCARE MILLIONS.
HAVE YOU STOPPED
TO CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES
IF THEY FIND OU
YOU'RE A REAL MONSTER?
IT DEPENDS--
WHAT DOES "CONSEQUENCES" MEAN?
YOU SIMPLETON.
WHAT IT MEANS IS
IF YOU GET CAUGH
IT PUTS US ALL IN DANGER.
NOBODY'LL CATCH ME, I'M KRUMM.
IF THEY DON'T CATCH YOU,
THE GROMBLE CERTAINLY WILL.
GROMBLE, SHMOMBLE.
I'M LIVING FOR THE NOW.
( phone rings )
CALL ME. WE'LL DO GARBAGE.
WELL, IF THAT'S HOW HE FEELS.
YEAH, WHO NEEDS HIM?
WOW!
HMM, NOT BAD.
IT HAD RESONANCE, TONE
AND A CERTAIN BOUQUET,
WHICH IS GREA
IF YOU'RE A GLASS OF SWINE.
BUT YOU'RE A MONSTER!
GIVE ME ANOTHER ONE.
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN.
NONSENSE.
( clucking tongue )
THAT IS NEGATIVE THINKING.
AND I'M AFRAID
I'M JUST GOING TO HAVE TO
PUT MY FOOT DOWN!
( squeals )
AH I LOVE TO TEACH.
ANY QUESTIONS?
YES?
IS THIS GOING TO BE ON THE TEST?
WHY, YES.
YES, IT IS.
SO YOU BETTER HAVE I
ALL IN YOUR HEAD!
ANY OTHER QUESTIONS?
( gasps )
AND JUST WHERE IS KRUMM?
THIS IS THE SECOND DAY
HE'S BEEN ABSENT.
IS THERE SOMETHING
I SHOULD KNOW?
I-I-I THINK HE ATE
SOME BAD CLAM SHELLS.
I'M SURE HE'LL BE HERE
FOR CLASS TOMORROW.
FOR HIS SAKE, HE'D BETTER BE.
( groans )
OBLINA?
YES?
I CAN'T SLEEP.
IT'S NOT THE SAME
WITHOUT HIS STENCH.
I KNOW.
I TRIED ROTTED CHEESE
BUT IT'S A POOR SUBSTITUTE.
MAYBE WE SHOULD GO BACK AGAIN.
HE WANTS TO STAY.
WHAT CAN WE DO?
( knock at door )
Gromble:
HELLO?
ANYONE HOME?
THE GROMBLE!
WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
DON'T WORRY, I'LL HANDLE HIM.
I KNEW IT!
GO ABOVE GROUND
WITHOUT MY PERMISSION, WILL HE?
WAIT TILL I GET MY HEELS ON HIM.
WHERE IS HE?
WHERE'S WHO?
DID YOU ENJOY THAT?
I'M ALL FOR DENTAL HYGIENE,
SIR, IT'S JUST THAT
WHERE IS HE?
( whining ):
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I'LL TALK.
JUST DON'T POP ME!
( sniffling )
( knock at door )
UH-OH.
UM, KRUMM, SIR?
( roars )
J.B. WANTS TO SEE YOU.
SOME P.R. THING.
AREN'T YOU SCARED?
NO, WE DO P.R. STUFF
ALL THE TIME.
OF ME, SCARED OF ME.
DO YOU WANT ME TO BE?
WELL, YEAH.
OH, THEN, YEAH, I'M TERRIFIED.
YOU REALLY SCARE ME.
( knocking )
KRUMM, IT'S J.B.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
BEING SCARY.
OH, YEAH.
THE WHOLE LOOMING,
ROARING THING.
WE'LL USE THAT.
I GOT SOME REPORTERS OUTSIDE--
NOW WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
PACKING.
THINGS ARE JUS
STARTING TO ROLL, COME ON.
TAKE THIS THING OFF
AND LET THE PRESS MEE
THE MAN BEHIND THE MASK.
IT'S NOT A MASK,
I'M A REAL MONSTER.
AND I'M THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND.
YOU ARE A REAL MONSTER.
WAIT A MINUTE--
DO YOU REALIZE
THE MERCHANDISING POTENTIAL?
WHY, WE'LL HAVE
KRUMM LUNCH BOXES
THERMOSES, WE CAN EVEN
HAVE A LINE OF CLOTHING--
KRUMMDERWEAR.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED.
I AM, I AM,
BUT I'M HAPPY TO SAY
MY OVERWHELMING GREED
HAS STIFLED THE URGE TO RUN.
WE'RE GONNA MAKE
MILLIONS TOGETHER.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
WAIT!
WE'VE GOT A CONTRACT.
I DON'T KNOW IF THE LAW APPLIES
TO YOUR SPECIES, BUT
YOU'LL NEVER WORK
IN THIS TOWN AGAIN.
( ticking )
WAKE UP!
CAN WE LEAVE THE ALARM
BY YOUR BED FROM NOW ON?
( yawning )
( door opens )
NEED A ROOMMATE?
( sniffing )
AH, MORNING BREATH.
ARE YOU STAYING?
IF YOU WANT ME TO.
OF COURSE.
DOES THE GROMBLE
KNOW I WAS GONE?
HE FORCED A CONFESSION
FROM ICKIS.
SORRY, PAL.
I BET HE'S GOING
TO CHEW ME OUT.
YOU DON'T KNOW THE HALF OF IT.
YOU GUYS ARE MY BEST FRIENDS.
OH, PLEASE,
DON'T GET ALL MUSHY ON US.
IF WE DON'T GET TO CLASS SOON
THE GROMBLE
WILL MAKE US ALL MUSHY.
Krumm:
GREAT, I COME BACK
AND THE GROMBLE LEAVES.
WHERE COULD HE BE?
CUT!
( roaring )
OH, WHAT NOW?
SORRY, GROMBY.
WARDROBE?
YES, J.B.?
CAN WE DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THOSE SHOES?
[Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEON
and THE U.S. DEPARTMEN
OF EDUCATION
Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]