Adventure Time: Distant Lands (2020) s01e03 Episode Script

1 Quiet! "Adventure Time" Come on, grab your friends We'll go to very distant lands With Jake the dog and Finn the human The fun will never end It's "Adventure Time" - Whoooooooooo-hoo! - Whoooooooooo-hoo! Oh, man, are they angry! Angry and fresh outta ice cream! Heyoooo! Up top.
Boiiii, this ice cream has so many flavors.
- How many? - Guess, bro.
- Is it one? - Nay.
- Is it two? - I say nay! Is it 50? I say yay! - 50! - 50! This ice cream is so good, you have to sprinkle dirt in it just so your mind can handle it.
- Come on, give it here.
- No, man.
You can't just munch it down like any ol' snack.
You gotta give it time.
Okay.
Yeah.
You can't rush things.
Exactly, dude.
You can't rush Man, this tunnel is taking forever! Duh! Nice shortcut! Oh, dear.
This sucks.
Ice King! Jake, the ice cream! Huh? Oh, don't worry about it.
This place is like a big freezer anyway.
See? We got time.
Aah! Snow Golem! Get wrecked! More incoming! Fling me, bro.
Aaaaaaaaalgebraic! Hyup! - Rrrraahh! - Wah.
Snow problem! Ha ha, math.
Classic Finn.
Oh, I've done it now! Fate shall decree who shall be my bride! It's like flipping a coin, but for intellectuals! - Ice King! - Huh? Quit your creepings, old man.
Or I will solve this situation with more violence! Ouch.
Who will you save? The bright and fair turtle maiden? Or the mean, angry lump? I'm just authentic.
Choose wisely, for when you save one, the other will fall straight into a cauldron full of boiling ice! Oh, Finn! Please, save LSP! Gasp! She's beautiful and smart.
She's got so much to live for! Oh, my Glob! It's true! Save me, Finn! What a heroic dilemma! What if we just save both? What? Oh, yeah.
No fair! Hep! Hop! - Schwa-za! - Hnng! Jake! I'm alright, just save the Princesses! Okay! Stay cool! Hah! I'm so bored.
Fear not, Highnesses.
You have soft hands.
Aaaaahhh! Aaaaaaaaaa-oof! - Uh shmow! - Ohhh! Save me! - Finn! - LSP! Just a little bit closer.
I caaaaaan't.
- Aaaaaaahhh! - Aaahh! - Aaahh! - Aaahh! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! Aaaahhhh.
Aaahhh.
Ah.
Oh, I'm so tired.
You did it, Finn! Everyone's alive! Ha ha, yeah! What? You guys! I just remembered! The library's being attacked by worms! Oh, dang! Ice King! This is your chance for redemption.
Come with us and freeze the worms! No thanks.
Nah, don't even ask me to fight worms with you, Finn.
Jake.
Let's go! Sorry, man.
I gotta bail, too.
No, we're a team! You don't break up the team! We'll meet up later and enjoy all of this sweet ice cream, alright? Shut your dirty mouth! I'm just slowing you down! Unhook those books! Yeowch! - Oof! - Hey! Heck yeah, dude! You did it! We did it.
Ouch.
Huh? Save me, Finn and Jake! Hey! Swoop me, bird! I gotcha, Jake.
Oh, cool! We're heading straight to the treehouse! What's that nest? Shlamowzow! Eh, boids gotta eat.
Nuh-uh! Aah! Waaaaaaah! Oof.
Woo-hoo! It's ice cream time! Right, Jake? Jake? What's that doing here? Wha? What the heck, man?! It's okay.
This is where I'm supposed to be.
No! That is not what's supposed to be! We're s We're supposed to eat the 50-flavored ice cream.
Together! Bye, Finn.
Wha Jake! Jaaaaaake! No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! This isn't happening! Not now! Not again! Not Oh, Glob.
Oh, Glob.
Oh, Glob.
Oh, Glob.
Oh, Glob! No, no, no, no, no.
Jake! Jaaaaaaakkee! Jake.
Aah! What the hey-hey? Get off me, you flippin' doof Schmoof! Yuck.
Man! Pretty convincing hallucination! I really thought I was young again.
And that Jake was still alive.
And we were bjorking it up like old times! Hello? Aah! What the? Aahh.
Welcome to my birthday party.
We're gonna have so much fun.
Aha.
The bugs are parasites.
Resurfacing happy memories and eating the juicy mind Bobas.
Well, I don't remember walking into this dungeon.
So either there's some kind of - Aah! - memory wipe thing or I'm really getting old.
I'll get y'all out of this weird dungeon.
Grab that guy.
Look! A way out.
Oh, sorry, newbies.
I was on a bathroom break.
Welcome to eternity.
Huh? Oh.
I'm dead.
I finally bit the dust.
Cashed in my chips.
Bought the farm.
That means I get to see Jake again! Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake! Cause of death? Who gives a toot! Hey! Hot dog it! The rest of y'all better stay in line! Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake! Jake! You waited for me! I'm here! Your baby bro-bro, man! Your best boi! Finn, my man.
Congrats on dying.
Mr.
Fox? I I-I wasn't expecting you.
No? I've been expecting you, though.
I'm your officially assigned guide to the deadworlds.
"Dead, question mark? Ask me!" Can you take me to Jake? No.
Okay, catch you later, bye.
I'm only a low-level clerk guy workin' slow and steady toward my ultimate goal - A hypoallergenic pillow.
- What? That's That's really all you want? There are a lot of dust mites around here.
Apparently dust mites have souls and dies.
Which I did not know about.
Thank you, thank you.
Hey, I remember a lot more skeletons the last time I was here.
Oh, that's all projection and perception.
You're doing it right now.
Look at that young meat.
Whoa! You're right! I'm toight.
You can look like any past version of yourself in the deadworlds.
- Jeepers! - Yes.
It's disgusting.
It's awesome.
Cool look.
Hmm.
What is that? Beautiful.
Whoa! Cute.
I'm done.
This is what you're going with, huh? Yeah.
It's recognizable.
So, the rules around here are simple.
Or they used to be.
I'm not sure with this new regime.
Anyway, your spiritual style and past life quotient usually det What are you doing? It's a signal Jake came up with so we could find each other if we got separated in death.
Oh.
Look, Finn Shh.
We gotta find Jake so we can be reborn together.
That's not gonna work.
Jake's not here.
Jake has to be here! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I just meant he's not here here.
He's defs somewhere in the deadworlds.
- Where?! - Waahhh! I don't know.
But, like, everyone else is here.
Friends, enemies Well, not everyone.
You know Boobafina reincarnated as a tugboat? Good for her, right? Looks like you've been assigned to Oh! The 37th deadworld.
Well, scratch that.
Looks like you've been reassigned.
Who the heck was that? Can they take me to Jake? Undertakers travel between deadworlds, but it's gotta be approved by the boss.
Oops.
New Death.
New Death? Then let's go to New Death's castle! No! Wait! Finn! - New Death! Let me in! - Shh, shh! I wanna see death! Now! Oof! No normies allowed in the castle, bro.
Beat it, or we'll turn your insides into bath bombs.
Oh, yeah?! Well, I've got a shiny new bod to kick your butts with! Stop! This one's mine.
Is that guy gonna stab me? Huh? Tiffany?! Surprised to see me, Finn? And yet, how could you be, locked forever as we are in unbreakable chains of mutual hatred and respect.
You're a cop now.
Yeah, a cool cop.
I'll take you where you need to go.
I can't believe we're actually inside.
Yeah, undertakers get crazy good perks.
Oh! Can you take me to Jake? Jake.
No.
Jake's in the highest of the high places, the elitest fields.
He's in the 50th deadworld.
The 50th deadworld.
You know, this place looks way different than I pictured.
Like, weird dude vibes.
Hey! Don't touch anything! Dude, when did you become such a rules guy? Since I got a swole boss.
New Death has a visionary plan for the deadworlds, and I'm gonna be first in line for the buffet of destiny.
What's that mean? Stay away from this bottomless void! It's bottomless, which is cool.
That is cool.
- What's up there? - That's nothing.
Just Death's throne room.
What?! I thought that's where you were taking me! Nah, I was taking you to my studio apartment to hang.
Nobody sees Death! The most you can hope for is a two-legged stool, like a blan Oh, geez! I'm talkin' to Death! Slow down.
Death! Whoa! Hyah! Yeah-ha! Thank you for all the strength that you give me.
Thank you for being my best friend in the entire world.
Uh, Mr.
Death? Huh? How'd you get in here?! - Quick brown fox! - Oof! Way to guard the castle, Mullet! Ack! I'm sure you'll hit him next throw, sir.
I missed on purpose! Dang, dude.
I'm sorry, bro.
I don't know how they got in! Cram it, dirt-stache! You're making me hecka aggro! Here comes the boom! New Death, please! I have to find my brother Jake! He's in the 50th deadworld.
The fi Oh, come on.
The 50th? You gotta help me out.
I'm buds with Old Death! We hung out that one time.
Oh, that clown? That guy sucked.
Ugh.
Alright.
I'm here.
What do you want? Oh, no, not this crud again.
Ugh.
My friend's waiting for me.
Ugh! Freakin' zen rake.
I don't care if you hate my new friend! He's cool! He's got a cool vibe! What have you ever done for me, huh?! Made me scrape stupid shapes in your stupid sand.
Why aren't you answering me?! I'm doing my own thing.
Getting rid of all these pointless deadworlds, butt-droppin' souls, breaking the wheel of rein reincarnation.
It's gonna be sick.
That's bunk! Eat dead feeeeeet! Ugh! So, cheeseball, any last words before I smash your atoms to oblivion? I'm gonna find Jake.
I'll get to the 50th deadworld no matter what! Hmm.
What? Pfft.
Get this loser out of here.
But? Oof! I thought you were double-dead for sure! Well, now you've done it, Finn.
We're blood enemies again! I'm gonna go eat my feelings in the pizza deadworld.
I'm sorry.
I just I really miss Jake, you know.
You of all people must understand that.
Don't you? Yes.
I do understand.
Then you understand why I have to do this! Ohh! Sorry again! Guess I'm not getting that pillow now.
Jake? Jake! This deadworld's like a grandma calendar.
Tree Trunks! Howdy, Finn! I missed you, Tree Trunks! Is Jake here? What deadworld is this? Deadworld 30.
Where life is purdy.
No Jake, though.
Dang.
I guess I'll try all of these holes.
Jake? So y'all are eating each other.
Okay.
Jake?! Jake! Mmm! Jaaaaake! Ugh.
Dang, this place is stanky! None of the other ones is this bad.
Anybody here? What deadworld this? You've reached deadworld the first.
Number one in being worst.
Choose Goose! You're here? I know! It's weird! Rhymes aren't crimes! Yikes.
Uh I'll save you, Choogles.
- Oh.
- Great.
- Oh, this is good.
- Look at that.
Finn, stay back! These souls are wack! Aah! - Save us! - Save us! Please, boss! Gimme a second chance! Man, I should obliterate you into silently screaming quarks! Please, I-I'll do anything! Alright, Tiff.
Wha? If you're my dawg, you gotta bark with me.
Grab a couple of wing-boys and head to the 45th deadworld.
Jack that place up.
Jake? Jake? Is this the 50th? Wa wa, wa wa wa! I've played every note on this stupid pipe! Nix the waterworks, Sonny.
Bellyachin' never solved a ding dang thing! Nyah.
Welcome home.
Mom? Dad? Mom! It's good to see you again, you big crybaby.
I crazy missed you two! Come, come! I made you some treats.
Finn cakes? No, no.
Weaponry.
The deadworlds are a real rat's nest these days.
Here's some paper talismans for spiritual warfare.
Hold on, do you know how to get to the 50th deadworld? I've tried everything.
Well, dearie, in order to get there, you have to Hmm.
You have to not want to get there.
It's zen or something.
Not want to get there.
Okay! Yeah! I'm gonna not wanna do that so hard! Hmmmmmmmm.
- Finn! - Come on! Don't you wanna reach the 50th, too? Oh.
Oh, no, this place is the berries.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Ah! I'm not giving up! Surprise, little brother! I'm here, too! Oh, he's gone.
I don't wanna get to the 50th deadworld.
I don't wanna see Jake's adorable face.
I don't miss you at all, my beautiful, perfect Jake! Get my axe.
Now, what's all this racket about? Sorry.
What the Dickens? Holy sm-o-o-o-okes! Aah! Mom! Dad! Mom! Dad! What's the point? Jake why didn't you wait for me? J-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ake! I need you.
What the Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake.
Jake.
You found me.
Yeah.
Who's Jake? Lemme scope that golden mug.
Do I know you? Yes, you know me! It's Finn! Finn! Right, right.
I'm just messin' with you, Fern.
Are you still messin' with me? Yeah, brother.
You're Finn.
I know you.
Pretty funny, dude.
Ha ha.
I was hanging out in Nirvana beyond all desire when I picked up your vibe.
It was so bananas intense that I had to check it out.
Thank you.
But I can see you're doing just fine.
I'll see you when you get to the 50th.
Wait! I'm not doing fine, you ding dong! We were supposed to be dead together.
And then get reborn together.
Lil' bro bros forever.
Huh.
Well Dude, why don't you care?! Wish I could help, but I've moved beyond all this stuff.
Uh Oh! Look what I have! Gum! This used to be my jam.
Mmm.
Mm! I made sure I was buried with it.
Aah! Look out! Bro, wedge that dog in the gold hole! Jake! Wah! My bone mask! Get lost, gramps! Bite me, you bunch of daggone spare ribs! What time is it? Oof! Bam! Jake Hmm? That's gross, man.
Lay off my boy! That felt really good! Yes! Jake! No matter how hard I raged, that deadworld refused to open for me.
'Cause it's no jerks allowed! Stuff it! I knew you'd do anything to get your dumb friend back.
So I just waited until you dragged him out of there, and I could get in.
You selfish tool.
No.
I really don't like this guy.
He played me like a straight-up didgeridoo! I'm gonna sic 'em up.
Bark! Uh, Jake Whooaa! Ah! Gotcha! Hup.
Ooh! What a rip-off! I hard-core schemed my way into a hippie choir?! 50's not just a place.
It's a state of mind.
That's the dumbest That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Hey! I rule you! Yo, don't push Booshy! Chill.
Don't tell me what to do! And y'all gotta pass my judgment now! And I say everybody out! - Uuhhh.
- Uuhhh.
What's up! Back in the mud.
Oohh.
When will my misery end? Aah! Mr.
Eel, pity me! Aaah! - Oh! - Oh, no! - Tree Trunks! - Tree Trunks! Well, well.
Wyatt? Look who came crawling back.
This is all my fault.
I'm just another easy-to-scam old guy.
Hey! We're Finn and Jake! We'll fix this! Choo-choo! Climb aboard, doomed souls! Oh! It's Jacob the dog! Eh, just gotta do this for forever, I guess.
Oh, to wrestle with the unforgiving boundaries of moral judgment whilst influenced by the illusion of free will.
I'm but a weed! Can you see me? Alls I see is a half-portion crumb giving us the run-around! Weren't you supposed to dump us into DW number one? Don't question my mercy, Hat Jake! Just eat your cake.
You too, Lady Jake.
Do as he says, Margaret.
- Mmm! - Mmm! Well, you're a very odd duck, but you bake a swell cake.
If only Jake could see me feeding all of his beloved Jakes.
Hey, Mr.
Oiler? Can you take a look at your portrait? Hope you don't have any notes, I already started the shading.
Worst Jake, why this face? 'Cause that's what you look like.
Constantly.
Ugh! This is all Finn's fault! I was at peace with never seeing Jake again, but then that macaroon sapling came along and pulled the veil on my empty existence! It ends.
- Hey, now! - Park that keister! I know what I gotta do.
Come on, guys, work with me! Don't worry.
They're fine.
I guess they do look at peace.
I really messed up.
My fool butt led New Death into the 50th deadworld, I blew up mom and dad.
I ruined your chance for happiness.
Because I'm a selfish fool man.
I woulda been the fool man if I'd stayed all zoned out when there's a butt of injustice to kick.
Whoaa! Whoooooaa! I'll show you chumps how m'lady likes to be hoisted.
- Aaahh! - Aaahh! Look at these poor suckers.
Oh, Glob! Finn! No, Mr.
Eel! We're stuck here forever and there's no one in the deadworlds that can help us.
Should we contact someone outside the deadworlds? - You can do that?! - Yeah.
Well, what the heck, Jake, why didn't you call me?! I dunno, I thought it might've been creepy.
Well, if I had died first, I would've had the courtesy to ghost-call you all the dang time! Well, la-dee-da! Mr.
Courtesy over here.
Hmph! - Who should we call? - Hmm Oh, PB! Princess, Princess, Princess, Princess, Princess, Princess.
Aah! Something is attempting contact.
"B" "U" "T""T.
" A soul in distress! Come forth, oh, honorable spirit! Come forth! Oh, hey, Pep Butt.
You look good.
Thanks, Finn.
So what can I do for you guys? Death's been replaced by New Death! And he's pbht! He's immoral! He's He's a tyrant! I'm afraid I can't help with that.
I know someone who can, though.
- Oh, cool! - But! A favor for a favor.
All I ask is for permission to use your bones for a spell.
What kind of spell? Bone spell.
Alright, I guess.
I dunno where they are, though, so you'll have to Oh, I already have them.
Hey! You must travel to the underwater gardens where the Goddess life dwells.
Life? Life? As long as the candle burns, you will stay in life's realm.
It's almost all gone as it is.
- Yes.
- Hmm! We'll make this quick then.
Aah! Guess we're nasty fish for now.
Just gotta have good body image.
Whoop! I love it.
Wah! Oh, geez.
I'm really doing this.
Aah! Oof! Ahh.
Are you ready, little soul? Please let me be something cool this time.
Oh.
That's what I get for hoping.
Enjoy my gift, little one.
I won't! I know you're there Finn and Jake.
Sorry, Life, ma'am! Didn't mean to creep.
We doth require thine aid.
New Death rules the deadworlds with a giant idiot fist! - He's a massive cheese toot! - Yeah.
It's like his dad was an idiot fist.
And his mom is a big, smelly cheese toot.
He's my son.
- Uh, ew - Uh Ehh, maybe he's just nervous at work! He's always been difficult to deal with, but the deadworlds are his charge now.
But he's your son! Yeah, ma'am.
Get in his business! The transmigration of souls is my business.
Ooh, these two are a package deal.
So cute! I've learned to draw joy from my work instead of my family.
What? Life your large son is cutting off reincarnation altogether.
He did what?! Eeesh.
Eeesh.
He's just going to snatch my entire purpose from me?! That is the kiss of life.
It has the power to conquer death.
But beware.
It comes with a very important warning.
Shoot.
- Waaaaaaaaaaa! - Ohhhhh! Ah! Phooey! Is the swirly-bob okay? Hmmm.
What do you think life was trying to warn us about? Tiffany! You saved me! Don't flatter yourself.
I'm here for Jake.
Now I can be happy at long last! Nah, take a look around you.
No souls are ever gonna be happy.
Not as long as new dope's in charge.
We're gonna take him down! Uhhh.
Yeah! Anarchy! I'll help you sneak into his castle.
And also let's rob him! I don't trust him.
Sounds sordid.
We "sordon't" have a choice.
No choice! No choice! No choice! Hmm.
You'll get pinched for sure looking like that.
Disguise yourselves.
'Sup, U.
T.
Gang? I'm a mysterious newcomer looking to make my bones! Yo, what's with the chubby tiger? Just Just a couple of new recruits.
It's Finn and Jake.
My name's Shoko.
This way! - Over there! - Quick! This chute leads directly to the observatory.
Go on! - They couldn't have gotten far.
- Hey, plebs! Bite my wings.
Tiffany! How's the demolition coming along, sir? Stupid deadworlds are all goin' up in smoke! Hey, that's great.
Really looking forward to things being terrible forever.
Go get me another case, loser! Yessir, yessir! Yo, snakeboy! - Hmm? - This is it, Death! We've got a magic stick, and we're gonna kick your butt! Come on! I'm all jacked up on destruction! Imma jack you up, Jabroni! Ha, no weapons can touch Ow.
I thought he would, like, blow up or something.
Hey, let me try! Tag! Ow! Quit it! Ow! Oops, dropped it.
Yeah! Oof.
Ugh! Oof.
Gotcha.
Glob you! Oof! Uhh! Aaaaaahhhh! Feels bad getting pushed around, huh? Wahh! Huh? Ugh.
You better spend the rest of your afterlife looking over your should Is this the final death of Tiffany? Gotcha! But I tied you up! Boy, your knots are terrible.
You need a father figure to teach you proper ropework.
- "Father"? - Nice and easy.
Do you really mean all that stuff you just said? About teaching me and Hiyah! Aahhh! Less bonding, more bonking! - Not the pit! - Behind you, son! - "Son"? - Nyah! Oof! The kiss ain't working! Maybe we're doing it wrong.
My kisses are legendary and this stick ain't vibing with me at all.
Lemme try.
Nope.
What if we both kiss it? Like at the same time? Yeah! It'll be like a kiss combo! Alright.
- Mmmm - Mmmm He's charging! You got any bombs or something in here? I'm gonna kill you! What's this? That's a note from our mom.
Look, you can stay like this forever or you can fix the deadworlds.
Ugh! I didn't even want this stupid job! Wait.
What does that mean? Think I can't take you, Dad? Wha? Aah! Aaaahhh! - Strike - Huh? Strike now.
- Huh? - Strike now! Gaaahhh! You bit your dad? Yeah, I bit him! Shut up! I showed him, huh? What did I do? Mom's gonna kill me! Ack! Aaahh! Best friend help me! I didn't realize that when I took out Death, I'd be chained to all his stuff.
So how 'bout it? You ready to get chained to my stuff? What do we do? Leave him like this.
Burn.
Heroes of Ooo, it's only a matter of time.
I know that voice.
Yoink! Finally dead, aren't you, child? The Lich.
Not before you.
I slayed you a bunch of times.
You've been puppeting New Death this whole time! The spawn of life and death is a creature without purpose, fit only to be a pawn in my eternal quest to end all life.
Just let it go, man.
With this vessel, my victory is inevitable.
That settles it.
We have to ice Death now.
And both know who needs Oof.
Like you're gonna go around harvesting the souls of cute widdle bunnies? Leave it to your big bro.
Old man Finn was a bunny slayer.
You don't got the boingloings! No! Sorry, Finn.
Death me! Gimme the stick! Oof! I save you! Whoa! I save you! You've got so many lives ahead of you! Well, I don't want 'em! Not if you won't be there with me! Yowch! So sorry about the delay.
Aaah! I love you.
I love you, too! You're fighting over a stick? You're brothers! You're a team! Agh! Uhh Mom? Oh.
We were holding the kiss of life by the wrong end.
Mr.
Fox! Oh, hey.
How about that? Yes.
You've taken the crown, but without a strong right hand - Get outta here! - Noooo! Hmm.
Wow, look at everyone go without Wyatt.
Just like unflushing a toilet.
Finn! Jake! We're here, boys! We're here.
Mom! Dad! - Tiffany? - That's right.
We're gonna help our new son get on the right track! Now I'm their favorite! Tsk, tsk, tsk.
So, Finn ready to settle into the 37th? Yeah about that.
Jake when you left, I kind of freaked out.
It was the worst thing to ever happen to me.
Aw, come on.
You still had plenty of other things to live for, right? Yeah.
But deep down, I just kept waiting for the day I'd finally see you again.
Aww.
Mr.
Death? I wanna go back.
I'm proud of you, bro.
Thanks, bro.
You'll be ready for the 50th before you know it.
Go back there and live that best life.
Doh! - Oof! - No, wait! Eh, I'm not your mom.
Wonder what life's gonna turn me into this time.
Jake?! What are you doing?! I just had my donkin' epiphany! I know.
I'm just coming back for fun.
Because it's great being alive with you! Good reason.