Aftertaste (2021) s01e03 Episode Script

1 Diana, he is using you! I'm here to support my niece.
God, I hope your food's easier to swallow than your bullshit.
Take your pants off.
What do you mean, "Burial ground"? No, he did not.
Easton and I were thinking that we could have the restaurant in this house.
This is my fucking house! You know what? Keep your roof.
'Cause this deluded child is just gonna live here, with her business partner.
You really still think our mother is buried out in the backyard? Daaaad! Hey Oh, Jesus Christ! Why are we throwing out all Pop's stuff? He loves these mags.
Why are you dressed like you're on a day-trip to Chernobyl? Yeah, but what changed his mind, though? 'Cause the other day, there was no way he was gonna let us have the restaurant here.
Well I talked to him.
He really loves you, you know.
Mm-hm.
And, uh he'll do whatever it takes to make your dream come true.
Bless the bipolar old bastard.
Actually, it's probably lucky you have that suit on.
Pretty sure whatever's sticking those pages together has a half-life of 25,000 years.
Okay.
Get out.
This room's ours now.
I'm not moving anywhere.
You lost all human rights after lying to me about my mother for the past 40 years.
Now get out of that armchair, or you're going in the skip with it.
We agreed that you can't sleep in the armchair anymore.
You've got a perfectly good bedroom down the hall that you can die miserable and alone in.
It was her bedroom! And I didn't agree actually.
"Hey, Diana, remember how Pop told you "that Grandma died tragically young "and he lovingly buried her in the backyard? "Well, actually, he didn't.
"Actually, he won't even tell me whether she's alive or dead.
"For all I know, he actually drowned her in the dam, "so for your own safety, "it's better that you don't see him again, actually.
" You wouldn't! I saved you the Zulu edition, Pop, 'cause it was the least damaged.
Diana, I've got something to tell you.
Oh! Yeah, what? We have a dining room.
Okay.
Yeah.
Perfect! Yeah, our diners will hardly notice the 25-year-old smell of an old man whacking himself off.
Excuse me.
I'm looking for a case of La Moulineux.
Preferably the 2009, or else the '15.
A case! Must be a very special occasion.
I'm recreating a Michelin-starred menu from my first restaurant.
La Moulineux was on that menu, so, yeah, I'd say it's a special occasion.
Oh, right.
You're, uh - In a hurry, yeah.
- Yeah.
I'm assuming, if I pay cash, we have some wiggle room? Yeah, yeah.
We can work something out.
It's Easton West, celebrity chef! Hello, handsome.
Hardly a celebrity chef.
I work for a living.
And, oh, all cashed-up, I see.
God, it was just a few days ago you were pimping yourself out for free rent.
I got blown by the winds of fortune.
What can I say? Somebody actually bought your born-again-feminist bullshit.
- Well done.
- No.
They bought my watch.
Elton John gave me a Rolex when I got my first star.
- I think he fancied me.
- Hmm.
You would have made a cute couple.
It's allowed me to turn my father's estate into my new restaurant.
- Hmm.
- Getting back to my roots.
Celebrating family, regional cuisine.
Oh! Diana's idea.
I liked that concept.
Well, it was more of a family decision, but nobody needs to know that.
Diana should get all the credit.
Why are you telling me, then? - Just clarifying.
- Right.
Well now that you can pay with more than your rugged charm and your moderately impressive penis I'd be happy to supply you with wine.
Don't get more regional than me.
I haven't set the menu yet, but when I do, I'll let you know.
You're in luck! I've got an unopened case of the 2015.
It's one of Bordeaux's finest.
$870 a single.
I'll see what I can do for cash on a dozen.
A dozen? Yeah, well, just a little gift to myself.
Right.
Well, when you finish guzzling your $10,000 worth of vintage sulfur dioxide all on your lonesome, I look forward to a call.
- Dave, that's the new cleanskin.
- Thanks, Margot.
Okay.
So, how much wiggle room were you thinking? I'll give you half.
So, Nan's gateau plus Iced Vo-Vo equals No.
French wine? I thought we were sourcing local.
Don't you start! Yeah, but regional and, like, our family story, that's our whole schtick.
Bordeaux is a region and the only family food story I'm seeing is you stuffing your face when you should be working.
I'm researching.
Mum's holding my gear ransom.
I can't do anything without it.
- Well, go and get it.
- Well, I will.
It's just you know, a bit tense at the moment, since I ran away to live here.
Hey, is there enough money left over for my ingredients? No.
Seriously? Dude, that is so Amazing! Oh, my God, my first set of whites! I love your enthusiasm, kid, but you only get those once you create a world-class, Michelin-level dessert - by this evening.
- This evening? I have my entree and main.
We lock the menu tonight.
Okay.
Well, um, I've been looking through Grandma June's recipe book - and I have found a few good ideas - Get out of my kitchen.
Our kitchen! The answer's in the real world, not in that fucking book.
Now go.
Get some incredible ingredients, get inspired and just get out! Go! I'm not giving her a room.
She's not sharing a bedroom.
All right.
Yep.
What the actual ? My room! Oh, my God.
Oh! You arse-bucket.
What do we do if she changes her mind and comes home, sees all her stuff gone? Well, she moved out, Brett.
We're doing her a favour, boxing up her things, and we're teaching her a valuable life lesson.
Really? What's the lesson, Denise? Well, I think it's pretty obvious.
Right.
So, grab that blue thing, whatever that is.
It's a dough scraper, doofus.
Uh, I think it's a dough scraper.
Why don't I just take all her stuff and drop it off to her? - Because.
- Oh, yeah.
Wouldn't want to spoil the lesson.
No Excuse me! It'd be nice to have the house to ourselves for a bit, eh? - Mmm.
- Finally get to walk around naked and scratching my - You're - You know what? You can keep my shit.
Yeah.
I'm sure it'll come in handy.
Oh, that's right! You can't cook! You cockwomble.
You are not a cockwomble.
Fucking ridiculous.
Hey! Hey! I'm taking the shed.
You can have your valuable crap back.
Nah! I gave you my lounge room! - You're not having my shed! - I am, actually.
And until you tell me where Mum is, you can stay in there! Put it back! Oh, listen.
I did nothing to your mother, you silly little sod.
Who do you think I am? Blaming me for everything.
Anyway, if we played happy-bloody-families, you'd never have run away and become Mr Big Dick Whoever-you-think-you-are, so show a little gratitude and put the ladder back! Oi! Jimmy! Di, where have you been? I've had the worst day and I've literally been needing to pee for hours.
I thought about peeing in my keep cup.
Eww.
Well, I've had a fucktangular day too.
Easton wants me to come up with, like, this Michelin-star dessert by tonight.
I've got no ingredients, no gear and, like, complete, total baker's block.
So that's why you're here.
Please help me.
Please? Don't do that baby thing.
It's humiliating for both of us.
You always know what to do.
Please.
I need your big, beautiful, rational brain.
Please.
My baking gear's at the back of my mum's car.
The Summertown Cemetery has blackberries.
Start there.
Thank you so much.
I love you.
- Thank you, thank you.
- Di.
You know the only reason I do this Hot Buns thing is to hang out with you, right? So if you're just gonna bail on me what's the point? Oh, my God.
I just had the most rad idea.
You come work with me at June's! Then we'll be together literally all the time! Um, I don't know.
"All the time" is a lot Done! You are hired! Congratulations! You just became our first unpaid employee-slash-volunteer! - Yay! - Di, please stop squeezing me.
- I'm about to pee myself.
- Yay.
Excuse me.
Sorry to interrupt.
Uh, we're giving away free tastings of our hot-cross bao buns.
I've literally been waiting my entire life to hear those words.
The bun is actually injera.
Thank you, Jesus, for this African-Asian fusion.
Amen.
I'm Kwame.
I know who you are.
So, do you like it? It reflecteth the maker.
Hot, spicy and I want it in my mouth.
Okay! Quite the seal of approval, Kwams.
I had no idea it was culinary royalty selling cakes to our customers.
Not that being related to Easton West is anything to brag about, I guess.
- You're brave, working for him.
- Oh, no.
Actually, I, um I don't work for him.
I'm He doesn't do pastry, so I'm sort of heading up that section, actually.
- Clever.
- Mmm.
You're perfect.
You're young, female, family haven't assaulted anyone with a pig.
Oh, yet! Ha! Where are you setting up shop? Uh, my pop's place, actually.
Yeah.
Um, we're sort of going for this, like, radical chef's table-y kind of thing.
Seasonal, experimental, super-personal food.
Yeah.
You should come to the opening.
- I wouldn't miss it.
- Awesome.
These are on from Monday.
- Well done.
- Seriously? - Good luck, Diana.
- Thanks.
You'll need it! - You - Oh! Uh I mean, I wasn't gonna bring it up, but you sort of owe me, big time.
I mean, I definitely just got your buns in his oven.
Whatever I can do.
You like cemeteries? Get this stuff off you here Why'd you let him out? Arrgh! He was stuck inside a giant bin.
From you, sir, I will take satisfaction.
Oh, really? Referee's baton.
Referee No biting, no kicking, no gouging.
First man square on his back loses.
Agreed? Agreed.
I, look No, no, no.
I'm just here to drop Di's baking gear off.
I'm not refereeing.
Denise used to ref, but in her absence, it's you.
- Referee, call engage.
- Engage? Ow! Oh, fuck! Ref, that's against the rules! Mate, I'm not refereeing! Youse two should cut it out.
Youse are grown men.
You just watch him.
He's a liar and a cheat! Eh, toughen up, you little turd.
Engage.
Oh, you really got your knickers in a knot.
- You're a lying old bastard! - Eh, you poxy twerp! - Where is she, then? - No idea! Oh! - Oh! - Shit.
I win! Ow! What the fuck? Why'd you hit me with the stick? - Well, what's it for? - Landed on my side, ref.
Doesn't count.
- Oh, for f - Yeah, it was his side.
No, no.
That's enough, the pair of youse.
I don't know what this bullshit is about, but I call it a draw.
No such thing as a draw.
Yes there is.
Oh, fuck.
I didn't kill her! She walked out on me! - And you! - Liar! Oh, you selfish little turd! You think you're the only one she hurt? I don't understand! Oh! - I win! - Ahh! Jesus! I have no idea what this is about, but you two should be bloody ashamed of yourselves.
It's a testament to Denise that she turned out the way she did, with you two as role models.
I should have left you in the bin! Oh! And make sure Diana gets her stuff.
I bet you didn't think you'd end up in the boneyard today.
My mum's buried here, actually.
Oh, shit.
I'm so sorry.
I don't know why I That was a dick move! I kinda liked it.
So, you could do a clafoutis with those blackberries.
Yeah.
I mean, a clafoutis would make you smile, but I kind of want something that'll make you squeal.
I wonder who they all were.
Mmm.
This person was a school principal.
They were 46.
Beloved wife, 81.
Mother of eight.
Jeez.
52?! My God.
Imagine putting your vagina through all that, then dropping dead.
Uh-uh.
No, thanks.
Being a woman sucks.
We really don't have long, do we? Sorry.
I got overcome with carpe diem and shit.
I think I need something other than blackberries for this dessert.
Where have you been? You know where I've been.
God! Why are you undermining me? - Oh, God - I'm her mother! And who am I? Her orthodontist? You know, I've picked her up, dropped her off, made her dinners.
I've cheered through every minute of her year 11 netball team's season of 22 straight losses.
I know I'm not her real dad.
He wasn't around for any of that, but I've parented her plenty.
Far out, Denise! Doesn't excuse what you've done.
You are just like your father and brother! As they say, rise above.
I am not like them! Okay.
Good.
And who says, "Rise above"? I don't know.
Pole vaulters? Astronauts? High jumpers? I'm gonna fix that up and use it.
No, it's mine.
You can't have it.
You can't live in the shed.
It's unhygienic.
Oh, but it's all right for a dining room, is it? You have a bedroom.
Her bedroom! Where is she? For God's sake, the least you can do is tell me if she's still alive! Don't know.
You were just kids.
I couldn't tell you the truth.
- Well, what is the truth? - I told you.
She packed up and left.
She hated all of this.
The trees, the birds, the wind.
Me.
Being a mother.
And she fucking hated cooking, so I don't know how you got that idea in your head.
The woman never cooked a meal in her life! What are you talking about? She loved cooking.
You gave me her recipe book, the one that Diana's got.
I bought that recipe book at a garage sale.
I've no idea whose it was.
Didn't have the heart to tell you.
Or Diana.
She was my mum.
She was my wife.
I suppose I'd better find a new bedroom.
Okay.
Wait.
I can't get Oh.
Okay.
Have you ever done that before? No.
You? Only with a showerhead.
Dude, we totally just popped our cherries.
Popped our cherries? Sorry.
Um bumped our uglies? That doesn't quite capture the magic of what just happened.
Okay.
How about how about voted my hymen off the island? Much more romantic! God, they make sex in cars look way easier in the movies, hey? Speaking of being rooted, I have to explain to Easton why I didn't do my homework, 'cause I was waylaid by a handsome stranger.
Don't mention my name to him, please.
You'll be my little secret, Kwams.
Um wow! Holy shizballs! Dude, this is amazing! This is way better than the living room.
This is exactly what I imagined, but better.
- Tell me you had a breakthrough.
- You could say that.
Marie-Antoine Carême is gonna 'ca-ream-e' her goddamn pants.
His pants.
History's greatest pastry chef was a man, Diana.
Not anymore.
This is my dessert.
This is the story of me losing my virginity today.
Well, this afternoon, actually.
I wasn't expecting it.
It just I don't know, it just happened.
Why? Well, I mean, it had to happen sooner or later.
So, this is a hills fruit tart with a Frooty Hoops cereal creme anglaise on the side and you put it in the hole on top and that symbolises Well, you know.
Is this some kind of a joke? Uh no.
This is a coming-of-age story, you know, moving from childhood to adulthood, um I asked for something original, not some crass, millennial confessional vulgarity.
No, no, this is original.
I've I've never seen anything like this.
Yeah and no-one ever will.
This is the culinary equivalent of drawing a cock and balls on your school desk.
Oh! Okay.
The the pastry's your mum's recipe.
I just thought we were doing this radical We are a fine-dining restaurant! Yeah.
Okay.
Sorry.
You honestly thought you could just put on chef whites and become a professional chef, didn't you? It takes a fucking lifetime of dedication, sacrifice and hard work.
I will I'll do better, I If you really want to take it to the next level, you need to stop fannying around and start listening to me.
Got it? Say yes or no.
- Yes, chef.
- Good! Go! Ow.
following it through now is Golden Years, the favourite, who charged through and Golden Years To June West.
You horrible, old cow.
Okay.
Go! Look out for the farmer! I also lost my virginity.
If you see a guy with a shotgun, just ignore him.
- Did she say 'shotgun'? - I hope so.
June-fucking-West! I'm coming for you! Put the bottle back or I will Oh, go on, you great gobshite!