All About The Washingtons (2018) s01e03 Episode Script

1 - Cooking breakfast for the family! - [clicks.]
It's all yours, Veronica.
What should I hashtag this thing? I don't know, maybe #fraud? - [audience laughing.]
- Hey, baby, what you doing today? Documenting my retirement for my followers.
Show them I retire better than anybody else.
Well if you're doing nothing Doing nothing better than anybody else.
You can let Luis the handyman in.
He has some work to do upstairs.
I'm gonna go get my hair done.
How they gonna improve on perfection, girl? Thank you, baby.
- Straight knocking it out the park.
- [audience laughing.]
Mom, can you Sure, honey.
Joey, come stand next to me.
What's this all about? It's the four S's, just Stop.
Shake.
[audience laughing.]
Speak.
My name is Daevon Washington, and I'm pleased to make your acquaintance.
Smile.
What the heck is this all about? He's learning this in his cotillion class.
His what? It's an etiquette in ballroom dancing class.
Why would you do this to him? It was his idea! Why would you do this to you? Because it's cool.
What's cooler than knowing how to go through a receiving line and cha-cha? You have no idea what it's been like, Dad.
He keeps practicing his eye contact.
[audience laughing.]
You're freaking me out! [audience laughing.]
Thank you for singing that hook, Jade, you killed it.
Yeah.
It's gonna be stuck in my head all day.
Mm-hmm.
You and I right through the night! [Wesley laughs.]
Yeah.
Ooh! All right, thanks again.
[sighs.]
I can't believe all that ugly came out of that beautiful girl.
I learned a valuable lesson today.
Just because a girl looks like Rihanna, it does not mean she can sing like Rihanna.
What am I gonna do? I wrote this song for the WNIY Young MC contest.
The deadline is tonight.
I don't have anyone to sing the hook.
Oh, I got you! What? Mom, no.
Why not? I was Jussy Jus from Jussy Jus and the Fly Five.
Yeah, and they were fly for, like, five minutes.
Joey, please, you know we could've been bigger than you.
Be that as it may, no rapper wants their mother on their record.
You think Flava Flav had Mama Flav on his record? [audience laughing.]
Veronica, will you do it? Um no.
Come on, you have the best voice in the family.
What? You know what? I'm gonna let you slide with that one.
- Why would I do this for you? - Think of the favors I've done for you.
- I'm thinking - [audience laughing.]
Damn, me too.
- [audience laughing.]
- All right, I'm out.
Veronica, don't do this to your brother.
Fine.
Let me see the lyrics.
"We'll be dancing and prancing, romancing all night.
" What exactly do you mean by "prancing"? [chuckles.]
Okay, but you say "dancing and prancing," What does that look like? Oh, you see.
[laughing.]
All right, that was totally worth it.
I'm in.
Ooh, all about the Washingtons It's like this, y'all [music playing.]
We're dancing and prancing Romancing all night Dancing and prancing Romancing all night You and I right through the night You and I right through the night Okay, all right, nice little warm up, you know.
All right, for this one, I want you to give me a little bit more jazzy soulfulness, okay? - All right, let's do it again.
- All right.
[beat music playing.]
We're dancing and prancing Romancing all night Gotta stop you right there.
You know, I was looking for jazzy soulfulness.
You gave me a little more soulful jazziness, all right? Let's do it again.
Hey, you got this.
[chuckles.]
[beat music playing.]
We're dancing and prancing Romancing No, that's not it either.
No.
You know what, don't worry.
I'm willing to put in as much time as it takes to get this right.
All right, for this next one - [door opens.]
- [audience laughing.]
Yeah, all right, I can work with what I got.
[beat music playing.]
Slippers, yachting mag.
Who the [audience laughing.]
- Who the heck are you? - I'm Luis, the handyman.
Ah! And you're Joey! [joyful laughter.]
So great to meet you.
You are a lucky man.
That Justine is amazing! [laughs.]
I know she is.
The two of us just sit and talk, for hours.
And she pays you for these hours? She does.
I'm telling you, she's amazing.
So, um what exactly are you here to do? Ahh, fix some water damage from some very poorly done grout work.
So, you're cleaning up other people's messes? Actually, I did the grout work.
And my wife knows this? Oh, yeah.
I was self conscious, at first, but she's really helped me see that we're all just works in progress.
So, she's sort of like a therapist who pays you? Exactly! [laughs.]
Well, I guess I'd better get to work.
- Eh eh, Luis.
- Yeah? Try to do a better job than the last guy.
[laughing loud.]
[clears throat.]
[audience laughing.]
Napkin, cookie, napkin, cookie, punch.
- Refreshments? - Daevon, enough with the refreshments.
I can't finish my school applications because I keep having to pee.
[dropping glass.]
And now you made me spill.
Have no fear, madame.
[audience laughing.]
May I escort you over to the cookies and punch? Stop being polite, it's rude.
[Joey.]
Jus - What? - I gotta talk to you about Luis.
Oh, my gosh, is he the sweetest, Joey? Why are you employing an unhandy handyman, who has no handiness? Because he's a nice person.
He has two kids in college.
He has a third moving back home, and let me tell you about that little Luis Junior, he could eat.
See, Jus, that's what the problem is, you're too nice.
I like being nice, Joey.
And that's the thing I love most about you, but you gotta stop doing it.
You can't keep putting all that love out in the world.
Wow! Maybe you and your music friends can get together and make a song about that.
- [doorbell rings.]
- Come in! Hey, Justine.
Hi, Taylor.
You can go on in the back and set up, I'll be right there.
Perfect, I got you.
Hi.
Hi! - Who the heck is that? - That's Taylor, she's gonna do my hair.
Didn't you just come from getting your hair done? Yeah, but I don't like the way Heather does it, so I have Taylor come and fix it.
Then why even go to Heather? Because she's a nice person.
Her dog has a real bad case of cataracts.
This has gotta stop.
You're gonna be a businesswoman now, right? You're gonna have to start thinking with your head and not your heart, babe.
It's easy for you to say, you're dead inside.
I just know how to run a business, and Joe Speed was a business.
You think if my DJ wasn't cutting the record on time, I'd be like, "Oh, but his cat got the sniffles"? Wait, Beatmaster B had a sick cat when you fired him? That is cold.
That's not cold, Jus, that's called business.
Joey, you're scaring me.
Now I know how your employees felt.
I'm serious.
Being the boss means, sometimes, having to be the bad guy, and the sooner you get this, the better the businesswoman you'll be.
Fine, I'll fire Luis tomorrow.
Now, can I go get my hair fixed? Absolutely.
Hold on, you don't have a third person coming to fix what Taylor messed up, do you? Ha ha, funny, no.
Hey, Lisa, no need to come this week.
Okay.
[grunts.]
Ooh! Speed! Ugh! Totally believable, Dad.
You should get one of me hanging like this.
The contest results came through.
My song won! Wes, that's awesome.
That's the Washington family, nothing but net.
This is totally gonna launch my career.
They want me to come down to the studio tomorrow to do an interview, and they want me to bring the hook girl with me.
I really don't appreciate being referred to as the hook girl.
Yeah, whatever, hook girl.
Come on, the comments are coming in.
Okay, let's see what the people got to say.
"The rapping is good, but who's the girl singing the hook? She's amazing.
" [laughs.]
Look at that, you got one fan.
- [inhales.]
- [audience laughing.]
"Whoever that girl singing is, she's a star.
She needs her own song.
" "Ooh, that hook girl can sing.
" You know what, I'm really starting to like being hook girl.
Yeah, of course you do, these comments are all about you.
I can't believe this.
Who cares? The people who write the comments are stupid.
No offense to you, Veronica.
Wes, come on, it's your song, my part was, like, ten seconds.
"Her part was the best ten seconds of the song.
" I asked you to sing and you went all Jennifer Hudson on me.
Hold up you think I sound like J Hud? No one asked you to give a Grammy worthy performance! Son, this is the weirdest argument I ever heard.
You're shouting angry compliments.
I can't believe you're actually mad at me for doing you a favor.
It wasn't a favor.
It was a stab in the back.
You know what? I learned something today.
Just because somebody doesn't look like Rihanna, it doesn't mean that they don't not sing like Rihanna.
More angry compliments.
[audience laughing.]
[rap music playing.]
It's like this, y'all [man.]
…grout lines.
Hey, Luis.
What you doing, man? Watching a YouTube video about grouting.
This guy makes it look easy, but it's not.
[audience laughing.]
He's trying.
- Are you serious? - Fine.
[man speaking through mobile phone.]
Okay, what if I give him two weeks notice in two weeks? - Justine.
- Okay.
- [man speaking through mobile phone.]
- [audience laughing.]
Okay, what if I hug him too hard and then has to collect worker's comp? Justine, if you're gonna be a titan of the industry, you've got to do this.
You wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine, right? - I do want that.
- Right.
- Can I be holding like a fountain pen? - Yes! What should I do with my massive profits? - And you could be on the phone too, right? - I want that! "Elon, this is Jus, what should I do with my massive profits?" And the road to that is through him! [audience laughing.]
[man speaking through mobile phone.]
Luis, we have to talk.
We do.
I haven't even filled you in on the latest with Luis Junior.
- Six pizzas! - What? Joey, I wanna talk about this.
[audience laughing.]
Okay, that's not what I meant.
Luis, I'm so sorry, but I'm gonna have to let you go.
- I understand.
- You do? Honestly, it's kind of a relief.
This will give me the time off I need to get my surgery.
Are you okay? Oh, yeah, I just want a little bit of this.
- Oh! - [audience laughing.]
- Mhm! - [audience laughing.]
Good luck with your bathroom, it's a mess.
Jus, I know that was hard, but you did it! Yeah, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.
- Listen, I'm so proud of you.
- Thank you, babe.
Oh, wait a minute.
Hello? It's Elon.
He said he's proud of you, too.
Ha! Like he would call you.
- [audience laughing.]
- [music playing.]
Hey, Skylar.
Daevon, all that cotillion crap, and you think they'd teach you how to knock.
I need more practice dancing.
Will you do the waltz with me? Can't you practice with a broom or a stuffed animal or something? No, I need an actual girl, and you're the closest I can get.
[audience laughing.]
Fine, let's get this over with.
[music playing.]
One-two-three-four, - One-two-three-four - Stop, stop, stop, stop! - What are you doing? - I'm waltzing.
To what music? Is there a square dance playing in your head? - What do you mean? - You're off the beat.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
It's not one, two, three, four, it's one-two-three, one-two-three.
Wait, when did they get rid of the four? In the 1700s.
Okay, let me try again.
I think I've got it.
- That seriously feels right to you? - Yeah.
Daevon, I think you're broken.
[audience laughing.]
Hey, Jus, I got you something.
- Oh, Joey, what did you - Yep.
[sighs.]
Ah! A fountain pen? Oh, Joey, thank you, babe.
When I imagined it, it was, like, gold with, like, a big diamond on top, but this is nice, too.
- You earned it.
- I did, right? - Did you see how I fired Luis? - Mm-hmm.
Well, then I fired Heather the hairdresser, and when you weren't looking, Huh, I even fired Charlie, the dog walker.
He still worked for us? - We ain't had a dog in, like, three years.
- And yet, he still didn't see it coming.
[audience laughing.]
Ooh, it's time for Wesley's radio interview.
His text says we should download a radio player app, create an account and stream it over wifi.
Ha! We ain't doing all that.
We just need a good old-fashioned radio.
Play WNIY, set temp to 70, heat butts to three.
- [Wesley's song playing on radio.]
- [audience laughing.]
Yeah, we're back on WNIY.
It's your man, DJ Ain't Right, y' know, and today we are here with the incredible, - Mm-hmm.
- the super talented, - newly discovered - Yeah, Wesley Wash Veronica! How you doing, mama? I would like to start by giving a shout out to all the people that got me here, my dad, my mom, my sister Skylar, my brother Daevon, and most importantly all my fans.
Judging by all the comments you got here, you got a lot of fans.
I'm trying to tell you, you need to put out your own record.
You really think so? Absolutely, you got a gift, you gotta share it with the people.
Yeah maybe you're right.
I mean, who am I to deny the people? Well, you know, Veronica's not even really interested in music actually.
She teaches computer coding to girls.
What? A computer genius and a voice like that? Dang, even your story got a hook.
Man, this is brutal for Wes.
- Yeah.
- I gotta fix this.
So, Veronica, you never really had any formal training? - No, hook girling came naturally to me.
- Wow! Actually, I've had even less formal training than her.
- [siren.]
- Hold that thought.
Sirens mean we have a call from one of our listeners.
Caller, you're on the air with DJ Ain't Right, you know, talk to us.
Wah gwaan? This is Dimitrius calling from the beach, me just caught me a 35-foot marlin, which is big for a marlin, but it's not an unheard of.
Cool runnings.
Cool, man.
What you wanna know, bro? I mean the girl, she got a great voice, but what I noticed is the production.
Who did the beat? Who did the hook? That's the true talent man.
I don't know.
I think the true talent is Veronica here.
You know, this station has launched a lot of careers, and I think it's about to launch another one.
Thank you, you know, I Actually, I have to agree with this colorful fisherman caller.
Wesley is the true talent here.
He had the vision.
He wrote the lyrics.
He made the beat and without his brilliant production, my vocals would not have had that jazzy soulfulness.
Wow! Okay, sounds like we got a young Pharrell up in this thing.
So why are you sitting there not saying nothing? 'Cause you turned my mic off.
- [audience laughing.]
- Still here, man.
Oh, right, Dimitrius, thank you for the call, brother.
I'm just gonna go back to being a run of the mill amazing Jamaican father who does what he do.
I'm out.
And that's how it's done, son.
Whoo-hoo! Mom, Dad, something is wrong with Daevon.
Dae-Dae, are you okay? He looks fine to me.
He's not.
Watch.
[waltz music playing.]
[audience laughing.]
Is that what you're learning? I may have to fire that cotillion teacher.
Come on, Dae-Dae, man, you know how to dance.
It's not dancing, it's waltzing, and it's hard, and something's wrong with me.
Nothing's wrong with my baby.
We're all just works in progress.
Right, now just feel the music.
Don't think about anything else, sway with it.
Now, start to move your feet.
There you go.
See how easy that is.
You're waltzing, Dae-Dae.
I am.
I'm doing it! Wow, mama fixed him.
Yeah, she's good at that.
Looks like you won't have to fire that cotillion teacher.
I'm gonna fire her anyway, show her who's the boss.
You know what? I gotta record this.
Coming atcha from my retirement, showing you how we do it in the Washington house [shouts.]
Joey, are you okay? - [shouts.]
I don't know.
- Can you get up? You mean today? - Okay, kids, help me with your father.
- Don't, you're gonna hurt yourself.
- Okay, hold on.
- Back up.
Luis! What's going on? What the heck is he doing here? I thought you fired him, Jus.
I did, but I re-hired him to work in the pool house, Joey.
Hiring is another thing that businesswomen do.
- Jus! - You're not getting the fountain pen back.
Thank God I was here.
Wow, to think if I hadn't accidentally ruptured that water line, I might have already been gone for the day.
- [groans.]
- How's that? - That's better.
- Okay, question, do you think you'll be able to get to the bathroom on your own? Please, say yes.
Don't worry, you won't have to invent the hip-hop chamber pot.
Hmm, that's not a bad no.
So good thing Luis was here, huh? Yep, your dishonesty paid off big time.
So, are you mad that I didn't fire him? No, I know I told you you shouldn't give out all that love into the world, but you know what, it always comes back to you.
I realized that when Luis was carrying me up the stairs.
So, you don't think I'm too nice to be a success? No, you're gonna be great, 'cause you bring out the best in people, just like you did for Dae-Dae, and just like you always do for me.
Yeah, you would be a disaster without me.
Yep.
You know what? - Give me my phone.
I got a great idea.
- Okay.
This is gonna be the ultimate retirement shot.
As a matter of fact, I might make this my profile pic, unless you want this one with me dunking the ball, right here? Hey, Dimitrius, man, check it.
- Remix! - Wow! - [Wesley's song playing, singing.]
- Hey! - Prancing, romancing all night - Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey! - What's happening? - We're dancing and prancing.
- Cool! - And they're prancing and dancing.
- Where'd he go? - He's prancing behind the bed.
You know what I just realized? - [Wes.]
Ooh! - That our kids are amazing? No, no, no, no I'll need some help getting to the bathroom.
[audience laughing.]
[shouts.]
Luis! [Wesley's song continues playing.]
[hip-hop music playing.]