American Born Chinese (2023) s01e03 Episode Script

1
I hope you're hungry.
Let's make this quick. This
place smells like a wet ox.
MAY ALL YOUR HOPES BE FULFILLED
ALL THE GOOD LUCK YOU CAN EA
What do you think?
We serve ourselves?
Oh, don't fill up on the
rice. Focus on the good stuff.
It's been a long time
since we've eaten together.
That's true.
And you don't look a
day over 40,000, Wukong.
That's kind of you to say.
But kids do age you.
Look at me. A member of the
Jade Emperor's inner circle,
and I can't even control my own son.
Perhaps you don't have to.
So that's your stance then?
I don't have a stance.
You slammed me into a wall.
I just want your son to have
the same chances you did.
Have a little faith in him.
Why?
He stole from me. He disobeyed me.
As Ao Guang, the Dragon King, once said,
"Faith is a gift, not a reward."
Ao Guang also has the
brains of a goldfish.
I know Wei-Chen is overly
confident and reckless,
but it's in his nature.
Well, he needs to learn to
grow up and control that nature.
Like I did.
Easier said than done.
You know this could end
very badly, don't you?
If Niu Mowang gets jīn gū bàng,
who knows what darkness
he could unleash.
I am aware.
That's why I'm watching Wei-Chen
as I did you once upon a time.
That was different. That
was a sacred mission.
He's chasing a silly dream.
Dreams can bring great success.
Or great failure.
Failure can bring enlightenment.
Enlightenment will not bring us victory
over Niu Mowang and his uprising.
Wukong, enlightenment is victory.
Okay.
One more week, then I
drag him back on my own.
Didn't they say these
drinks were bottomless?
Time for seconds.
Oh, my God.
No! No!
Jin, breakfast!
It's the fall sports pep rally!
First up is the defending
regional champion boys soccer team!
Dude, welcome to rock star status.
Yeah. Nah, this is pretty cool.
Oh, no. I'm not talking
about the pep rally.
I mean our phones, bro.
I am blowing up right now.
Last time I had this many
likes, I was in the hospital.
Let's hear it for your Fighting Cranes!
If you left your
backpack at the pep rally,
please report to the principal's
Jin.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine. Why?
You hit your head so hard.
I was worried all night.
So, that really happened?
Okay. Can you just explain
that to me, so what
You beat the crap out of a gardener
so hard he turned into a pig?
He's not a gardener.
His name is Zhu Bajiè.
And he works for my dad.
I thought you said your dad
worked in another country.
No, he lives in Heaven.
His name is Sun Wukong.
He's the Monkey King.
Okay, cool. I just came to see
if they had any oatmeal cookies,
- so I'm gonna
- Jin, wait.
I know it's hard to
believe, but it's real.
I'm not from this world and
I need your help.
You need my help?
Yes.
Just listen. I had a dream.
A crane spoke to me and said
there's a hero and his guide
will find the Fourth Scroll.
And do you know what I saw
when I first arrived here?
What?
This.
A crane!
- That's a sign. You are my guide.
- Yeah Yeah, dude,
I don't know anything
about any fourth scrolls.
And, honestly, I don't even
speak Chinese that well.
Jin, it's okay.
Just come to my house
and talk to my guardian.
She will explain everything to you.
I thought you said you
live with your aunt.
Well, she's not actually my aunt.
- Okay, so you
- Jin! Can I talk to you for a sec?
- Just
- Yes. Hey, just give me a sec, Trav.
Please, I Jin.
Five o'clock. Please.
Yeah, okay. I'll come.
Hey, what's up, man?
Throwing a little team
hang after practice today.
- You should come.
- Yeah, definitely, I'll stop by.
- Uh
- See you there.
The more you move, the longer it takes.
Sorry. That one makes me nervous.
It's just so close to my eyes.
Third eye.
The gate to higher consciousness.
And hopefully less headaches.
Bad joke.
Your gate is blocked.
Blocked?
Why?
How long have you been married again?
Uh, eighteen years.
You're going to need a double session.
Let me see your tongue.
What?
I've never seen a tongue like this.
- Hmm? Did you just take a picture?
- Hmm.
For your files?
No. Not my files.
Hey, Melly.
- Hi, Mrs. Wang. Feeling better?
- Yeah, a little.
Oh, I need a bottle of
this, uh, herbal powder too.
You got it.
How's college? Studying hard?
I'm actually taking a year
off to focus on my music.
Good for you.
Young people should follow their dreams.
- So what kind of music do you make?
- It's kind of hard to explain.
Do you know what bubblegrunge is?
No.
- Nu metal?
- No.
- Hyperpop?
- Mm-mmm.
- Glitch hop?
- No.
Trapwave?
Uh, sorry, Melly, I don't
know any of your music styles.
Oh, it's none of those but
has elements of all of them.
Sounds interesting.
It's nice to see you
taking care of your grandma.
Oh, I'm not taking care of her.
I'm helping her pack up the shop.
- What do you mean?
- We're closing.
Rents are going up,
sales are going down.
Plus, you can buy Chinese herbs
from white-people stores now,
so it's kind of over for us.
That's terrible.
I better get a whole case then,
since you won't be open
for much longer, huh?
Yeah.
Sucks for Grandma.
That's actually the
title of one of my songs.
Sucks for Grandma ♪
Sucks for Grandma ♪
Sucks for Grandma Su ♪
Hey, bro!
Yo, Jin!
Over here.
Hey.
- What's up, man?
- What up, bro?
- This is a cool place.
- Thanks.
Yeah, if you like fire pits and
huge Jacuzzis. It's great, right?
Well, it's my mom's boyfriend's place.
His place is bomb-ass.
Gotta stop saying
"bomb-ass," man. Really.
Everyone says "bomb-ass."
Uh, hey, Trav, um, I feel
like we kind of got off
on the wrong foot last week.
Oh, you mean when you
tried to break my neck?
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
I'm just messing with
you, dude. Chill out.
Wait, seriously?
Yeah. I mean, we're all
teammates now, right? Fresh start.
- Yeah, thanks. I appreciate that, man.
- Yeah, of course.
Uh, we do need your help
with something real quick.
- Josh's hair
- Yeah.
looks like he tried to
cut it with rocks or something.
- Dude. I didn't cut it. Someone else did.
- No. It's bad.
- Actually, it was 60 bucks plus tip, so
- Mmm. Still bad.
Hey, uh, I thought you said
this was gonna be a soccer thing.
Oh, yeah. We invited
some other people too.
Oh, yeah. Cool. Yeah, for sure.
- Does anyone know what the Wi-Fi is?
- Uh, the network is "Josh's hair."
Password is "looks terrible 45."
- It's all lowercase.
- Okay, okay. Yeah.
Freddy, I'm not sure this is
what they mean by "pumping iron."
I wanna be just like
Arnold Sportsinvader.
I have seen all of his movie.
Complete Recall, Twin Sibling,
Kindergarten Policeman.
Are you sure this is a good idea?
Why? What could go Wong?
Oh, Freddy.
These instructions seem
simple, but they were not.
- Hey.
- Yeah?
What do you think?
Uh
I think the legs are upside-down.
Okay. I've eased the sufferings
of millions, calmed oceans.
I will not be defeated
by Swedish furniture.
Uh-huh.
Are you sure we need all this?
Hey, what's with the face?
Jin's late.
Are you beginning to doubt your guide?
No.
He'll come.
I know he will.
Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin!
Dude, you're killing it.
That's five. Keep going.
No Mmm. I'm not gonna
do I gotta get some water.
I didn't even think
he was gonna get two,
but that's Jin with five!
Okay. All right.
Somebody record this, huh?
- Three, two, one, go!
- Okay.
Barry! Barry! Barry! Barry!
Hey.
Do you think that there are
any hot dogs left at this party?
Hey, yeah, uh
I feel like if you
if you just turned me upside-down
and just gently shook me,
three would probably
just fall onto the floor.
- Congrats on making the team.
- Thank you.
Oh, and I wanted to tell
you, good luck tonight.
They do this thing every year,
but I really, really
think you're gonna be fine.
Do what every year?
Wait, do what ev
Her son is at Stanford.
- Wonderful.
- Mmm.
What major?
Art history.
Good thing she has two sons.
Everything okay? Does that hurt?
Just my arthritis.
I have something for you. It's herbal.
I'm fine. No big deal.
It's okay. I have a whole
case. I'll give you some.
Fine. But I'll pay you.
Don't be silly. I'll go get it.
If I can be honest with you guys,
sometimes I do log in to
an alt account late at night
and like my own posts.
Okay. Cool. Thanks for sharing, Barry.
Uh, Jin.
- You are up next.
- Me?
Don't be nervous, bro.
We're just trying to learn
about the new teammates.
All right.
- All right, rapid-fire. Are you ready?
- Uh, sure.
Okay, who is, uh, your favorite player?
Uh, Messi.
- Hmm. Basic, but hard to disagree.
- Yeah.
- You speak any other languages?
- Uh, little bit of Chinese and
- I also know all the words to "Despacito."
- That counts.
- Siblings?
- Nah, it's just me.
Dog?
Uh, mom won't let me have one,
I'm allergic to cats,
birds freak me out.
What do your parents do?
My dad's a computer engineer, and
my mom does just, like, church stuff.
Um, least favorite food?
Uh, root beer. It It makes me gag.
- Huh. Hobbies?
- That's
Not really. Soccer.
No, aren't you into, like
like, comics and stuff?
Well, yeah. Well I mean,
yes, but when I was, like, five.
And I also had a killer
coin collection, so
Cool.
All right, last question.
Who are you crushing on right now?
Mmm.
Dude, it's, like, the
second week of school, man.
- Gotta answer, bro.
- Come on.
I don't know, dude. Um
- Ooh!
- Oh. Yeah.
Amelia?
Yeah, you know? I
don't know, she's cute.
It's good to have dreams.
Yeah, who knows? Maybe
she's into shy mumbling.
All right, Cooper. You're up.
All right, uh, is it true
you take meds for your BO?
'Cause if not, please do.
'Cause that's like You
know that's happening, right?
Can I present to you,
your new coffee table?
Wei-Chen.
Are you sure this boy
is who you think he is?
Yes. I believe in him.
Or maybe you're just
searching for a friend.
Maybe.
You know, on second thoughts,
if you truly believe in this Jin
you should go find him.
What? Really?
Mm-hmm. Perhaps he's lost.
But I thought you said he was a
- Mmm, mm-mmm. Go. Uh-uh.
- Go
But be careful.
Especially with that staff.
Okay. Thank you.
I'll bring him here to speak with you.
Hey, Travis, thanks
for inviting me, man,
but I think I'm gonna head out.
Hey, no problem, but
don't leave yet, okay?
- Hey, everybody!
- Quiet down, guys!
As we know, tonight is a very big night.
We had some fun meeting
our new teammates,
but now it's time for
them to prove themselves.
It's the Chump Run!
This year's new chumps are
Barry, Cooper, Austin and Jin.
Boys, take your phones out.
For the rest of the night,
whatever we text, you gotta do,
with photo evidence within three hours.
Fail to complete the
tasks or run out of time,
you'll be wearing a jockstrap on the
outside of your shorts for a week.
The lucky chump who
goes above and beyond,
- they get the golden cleats!
- Yeah!
Yeah! Whoo!
The Chump Run is about
loyalty, dedication,
and proving to us that you'll do
whatever it takes to be on this team.
And now that we know a
little bit more about you,
well, it's gonna suck that much more.
Get to running, chumps.
'Cause tonight, we own you.
Ooh. Yeah.
Come on.
- Get ready, chumps.
- everything.
Niu Mowang.
It's good to see you.
In sweatpants.
So, what brings you here?
You know, shopping trip.
Good deal hunting.
Mmm.
Me too in a way.
But I'm hunting for
something quite different,
something I heard was stolen
from Wukong by his very own son.
You wouldn't know where I might
be able to find that, would you?
I really don't want to hurt you.
That's very merciful, Goddess of Mercy.
Why don't you join our uprising?
Help us bring about a new era of change.
You don't want change, Mowang.
You want power.
You and I both know that Heaven is
a broken system far beyond repair.
If you have grievances, request
an audience with the Jade Emperor.
He will listen.
I learned long ago that
requests get you nowhere.
No one gives you anything.
You have to just take.
Look at you.
All pumped up.
Take a look at yourself.
It's just a mirror.
Enough with the games, Guanyin.
Just tell me where the boy is.
Why so mad?
Is it me? Or your own reflection?
Not my coffee table.
Go away.
You win, Guanyin. For now.
But once I get that Staff,
it won't be so easy to stop me.
Mmm.
Do what you need to do.
Just don't mess with my boy.
One scoop in water, not tea.
Helps tension, headaches, fatigue
Could it help my ankles?
I don't see why not.
Maybe I should take two bottles.
I'm keeping some for my family
but I can ask the
herbalist for more.
Tell her to put me down for two.
- Me too.
- Okay. I should write this down.
I can pay you now. Let me get my purse.
Just don't tell anyone, okay?
The herbalist makes it by hand.
It's hard work.
What's that you're talking about?
- Hello?
- Hey. Uh, I need a huge favor.
I'm still at school. We had a
cosplay club meeting. What's up?
- Right, yeah, I know. I'm outside.
- What?
Hey. Uh, I didn't know who
else to ask. It's for soccer.
You need my help with soccer?
"Chump Run task number one,
you must wear something stupid.
The stupider the better."
You came to the right place.
Thanks.
Yeah? Uh, anytime.
For the record, in my mind
I was picturing an ugly
sweater or something.
I know.
Oh, careful with the tail, by
the way. My mom custom made it.
Let's do this thing.
Hey! Hey, stop running.
Get over here!
Hey, Julie! Tuesday Bible study, huh?
- Okay, yeah.
- See you later.
Oh, hello, Pastor Mike!
It's been a long time.
Where have you been?
- Our sister church.
- Good to see you.
How are you?
Jin!
Uh Shh. Wei-Chen?
What are you doing here?
I've been looking for you.
Is this how you worship?
What? No, um
Listen, I'm really sorry.
I was gonna come find you and your aunt,
but, uh, I gotta do this
Chump Run thing first.
What is a chump run?
It's just, like, a series of
tasks that I gotta do for soccer.
Right now I gotta steal a bunch of
toilet paper from my mom's church.
Toilet papers?
Yeah, it's a fun bonding activity.
Plus, if I don't do it,
they're gonna punish me.
Who's gonna punish you?
I can't really explain
'cause I gotta figure out
how to wrap a 15-foot statue in
toilet paper in the next hour, so
Jin, if I help you, will
you come meet my guardian?
Yeah, dude. Definitely.
Okay, then we're gonna need
some more toilet papers.
Melly.
Melly. Oh!
Hi, Mrs. Wang. I was just closing up.
Here, for you.
What's this?
Money for your grandma.
I bought the herbal powder for
myself, but I sold it at church.
Wait, really? You sold
a whole case in one day?
Mmm.
Here, you should take a cut.
No, no. It's not necessary.
Of course, it is.
That's how my band works.
We split everything 12 ways.
Melly, your grandma helped me so much.
I just want to help.
That's really sweet, Mrs. Wang.
But, honestly, we need to make, like,
a hundred times this
to even make a dent.
Well, do you have more
of the herbal powder?
Yeah. Like, a lot more.
Why?
Is everything okay, Mrs. Wang?
Yeah. My headache is gone.
Isn't that the stupidest
bear you've ever seen?
How are we gonna do this?
Well, earlier you asked
me how I found you.
- This is my Uber.
- With a toothpick?
Whoa! Okay.
Oh, my God. Uh
Are you, like, allowed to use that
thing for stuff like this, or
Yes.
Okay.
Come on! Throw me one.
Oh Uh Oh, oh, okay.
You want me to just, like, toss it?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- All right, here it comes. Ready?
Wow. God.
Whoo-hoo! Dude.
Come on, come one! Another one!
- Are you serious, right now?
- Whoo!
Hey!
- Whoo-hoo!
- Whoo-hoo!
Wei-Chen, is is that kung fu?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Let's do this.
Whoo-hoo.
Dude.
Oh, my God!
Dude! Dude!
This is so freaking unbelievable.
Yeah. I should do this
to Jade Emperor's palace.
Yeah, you should! Whatever that means.
Oh, oh, uh, I gotta get a selfie, so
- Uh, okay.
- Yeah. I just gotta
Here, get in on this, um
Okay?
Oh, my God.
So, um, do you believe me now?
About where I come from?
And about the quest?
Yeah, dude. I do.
Yeah? Okay.
Come with me.
Oh, oh. Uh, one sec.
Oh.
What's that?
That means they liked it.
That means they really
freaking liked it.
Jin. Just, um, go to your friends.
Yeah, we can talk more tomorrow.
Uh, are you sure?
Yeah, just go. Come on. Yeah.
Okay. Um Thanks.
I really appreciate that.
And, listen, I'm gonna
help you find it, okay?
The The whatever it is
that you're looking for.
It's the Fourth Scroll, right?
- Uh, yeah. Really?
- Yeah.
- Thank you. Jin, thank you.
- Yes, definitely, dude.
No, dude, thank you.
Um, okay, see you later?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
God.
I'll catch you later, all right?
Bye!
So this is what you came here for.
Give it back. That
doesn't belong to you.
It never belonged to your father either.
I was curious why you stole it.
The Fourth Scroll, huh?
Niu Mowang, please.
You've been very helpful tonight.
Jin-ah, why so late?
Uh, it's just soccer stuff. It's
not gonna be like this every night.
Okay.
Good day?
Yeah.
It's a great day, actually.
Me too.
124, 125
Wei-Chen, I told you to
take care of the Staff.
It's not a toy.
Who else knows?
Time to go home.
Before you make things worse.
Take it easy on the boy
Enough advice from you.
He's caused enough trouble.
I'm sorry. You had faith in me.
I let you down.
It doesn't matter if you let me down,
it only matters if
you let yourself down.
Wait a minute.
Fried rice. We ordered
too much, as usual.
Let's go.