Angel s01e03 Episode Script

Lenny, please.
Don't.
You think I'm not gonna find you after you humiliate me again? I didn't do anything.
- I swear, I never-- - No! I know what you're doing.
I see.
The men, the lies.
This is the last time, damn it.
What do you want, baby? You only get like this when you're-- What are you gonna do? Pulverize me right here? Somebody will hear me scream.
In downtown L.
A.
at night? Who's gonna hear, Rach? Nobody who cares.
Besides this will be over fast.
Please no.
I' m sorry.
I just can't take this anymore.
Poor Lenny.
Terrorizing your girlfriend too much for you? I can make it stop.
Are you all right? - Is he ? - It's okay.
He's not getting up for a while.
I can't believe you actually showed up.
That was the deal, right? "How can I thank you, mysterious, black-clad hunk of a night thing?" "No need, little lady.
Your tears of gratitude are enough for me.
You see, I was once a bad-ass vampire.
But love and a pesky curse defanged me.
And now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth.
" "No, not the hair.
Never the hair.
" "But there must be some way I can show my appreciation.
" "No! Helping those in need's my job.
And working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough.
" "I understand.
I have a nephew who's gay, so--" "Say no more ! Evil's still afoot.
And I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hair gel I like so much! Quickly! To the Angel mobile! Away!" Go on with you.
Play the big, strapping hero while you can.
You have a few surprises coming your way.
The ring of Amarra a visit from your old pal Spike and oh, yeah your gruesome, horrible death.
Another 40 minutes of uninterrupted music, You're listening to the sounds of L.
A.
's only modern alternative KLA Rock, It's 11;O5, Do you know what your karma is? This is so awesome.
Our first walk-in client.
It's all according to plan.
See girl in distress.
See Angel save girl from druggie-stalker boyfriend.
See boyfriend go to jail.
And see invoice! Ta-da! - What? - Nothing.
You're doing a lovely job.
Very official.
So why not rejoice at our first paying client? Because that's not money in your hand.
That's mail.
There's a difference between that and getting paid.
But she has to pay.
Invoice.
That's the rule of our whole society.
Defaulting.
Another popular rule.
Especially with the down-and-outs.
Not that I've perpetrated said heinousness myself-- What are you saying? Why bother? I'm saying if you and I hope to take that cruise to the Bahamas together we'll need a lot more clients of means.
And a reality where you're Matthew McConaughey.
Hello, L.
A.
Oz? Oh, my God! Oz, I am so happy to see you! Good old Oz.
Oz.
Oz! Let me just take a stab at this, but you'd be Oz? - Good guess.
- This is so cool.
I mean, here you are in L.
A and you're the embodiment of all things Sunnydale.
Well, it's a burden, but I manage.
Okay, we have serious catching up to do.
- How's everything? How's the Bronze? - The same.
- And the gang? - Good.
Good? Good! Good.
- We done? - Completely.
Oh, this is Doyle.
He, air-quote, "works here.
" I heard the rumors.
You can fill me in on the real deal.
- You guys are detectives? - No.
I'm an actress.
Quite a captivating one at that.
And between my many gigs, I choose to help Angel.
Yeah, he's the detective.
Does he have a hat and gun? Just fangs.
Well, that works.
Where is he? - Hey, guys.
- Hey.
- Oz.
- Angel.
- Nice surprise.
- Thanks.
- Staying long? - A few days.
They always like this? No, we're usually laconic.
Come on in.
So.
- Good to see you.
- Likewise.
I came primarily for a gig, but also to give you this.
Wait a minute, is that what I think it is? It's the Gem of Amarra.
One and the same.
Buffy wanted you to have it.
Hey, Buffy.
- How is good old Buffy, anyway? - She's-- Still the brave little slayer, or moping like nobody around here.
She's good.
She's Buffy.
For right now, can we concentrate on the mother lode Angel just hit? Why are you waiting? Put it on.
You're getting weird with this ring.
When did you care about accessorizing? Since the accessory's priceless and renders the wearer unkillable if he's a vampire.
Unkillable? Not even stakes? Not nothing.
Not stakes, not fire and best of all, not even sunlight.
Just think of it.
poolside tanning bargain matinees, plus several strip clubs that have a luncheon buffet that's quite tasty.
I've heard.
- And it's from Buffy.
- Yeah.
Spike dug up Sunnydale looking for it but got a fistful of Buffy and left it.
She wanted it in good hands.
- So she sent you? - I was heading this way.
She didn't even send a note? Wow.
That's really-- This is one of those times I should shy away from the topic, isn't it? This will boost your spirits.
Put it on, and here, I'll stake you.
It'll be fun! Maybe later.
- Are you out of your mind? - I said, later.
Okay, you have it your way, but I'm still going to celebrate with a drink.
He'd celebrate the opening of a mailbox with a drink.
- You coming, Oz? - Yeah, I could eat.
Go ahead.
God.
Know what would feel really good? One of those mind-numbing head-cracking visions I get from time to time.
Because that would really kill me.
Is there some kind of trick to this? The trick is laying off the ale before you start quoting Angela's Ashes and weeping like a baby.
- That's a good book.
- So I've heard.
But I doubt the main characters are Betty and Barney Rubble as you so vehemently insisted last night.
Also, I don't think Oz appreciated being called "my little Bam Bam.
" Hello.
Hello? - Angel, - Rachel? Is that you? They let Lenny out.
The lawyer said something about a technicality, I'll be right there, Angel.
You have something I'm looking for.
A shiny bauble.
Might as well go home, Spike.
The Gem of Amarra stays with me.
Why? Because you're "Angel, Vamp Detective" now? I'm so scared.
What's next, vampire cowboy? Vampire fireman? Oh, vampire ballerina.
I do like to work with my legs.
So, you and I duke it out, huh? This your strategy to get the ring? I had a plan.
- You? A plan? - A good plan.
Smart, carefully laid out.
But I got bored.
All that watching, waiting.
My legs started to cramp.
Enough with this.
Tell me where the ring is! It wouldn't go with your outfit.
Cordelia.
You look smashing.
- You lose weight? - Yes.
There's this great gym on-- Hey.
I'll get that ring.
This isn't over until one of us is a pile of dust.
You okay? - More importantly, how's the ring? - It's fine.
I can't say the same for you two, though.
Better get out of sight.
Spike's out for blood.
Take her to your place.
His place? Why can't I just go home? Because he knows you.
He can track you down.
He's not invited, right? He can't come in.
He can burn the place to the ground.
Doyle's place it is.
What about you? He'll be coming back for you.
- I know.
- So, what will you do? Find him first.
- All right.
- All right, let's go.
Not Spice, That's the bird that works down on Broadway.
Spike, as in railroad.
Yeah, vampire.
Right.
No.
Okay, then.
Thanks.
Frankie Tripod, a big "no.
" Frankie Tripod? I get it.
Some kind of three-legged monster, right? No, he's human.
Then, what's his name supposed to--? Oh.
Listen, why don't you sit down, get comfortable? Angel said to go through every contact until I find where Spike is hiding.
Could be a while.
I couldn't get comfortable here if the floor was lined with mink.
How can you live like this? I didn't until last week.
Then I saw your place and called my decorator.
No way.
My apartment is nowhere near this yucky.
- Smells like bong water in here.
- Okay some laundry may be a couple of days past due, but-- Yeah.
Hey, Kizzy.
Yeah, a vamp called Spike.
No, huh? What? A C-note? No, I absolutely paid that back.
No, sorry.
There goes my other line, got to-- He was mistaken.
But I didn't have time to get into it.
I'm on a mission here.
So, what about this Spike? Is he as bad as all that? Should I be sweating? No, he's not so-- Sweat.
That's what I figured.
Keep showing up like this, I'll think you're a man of your word.
Stranger things.
Not many.
We'll get you out.
There are places you'll be safe.
- Like a shelter? - It's a start.
He won't be able to find you, I swear.
No, it's not the shelter.
It's just-- Half the time, you know how this whole thing starts up, Lenny and me? You call him.
I just-- I start to jones for him the way he joneses for rock.
And I call or find him in some dive and drag him home.
And it's good for a while.
But it doesn't last.
This last time he would have killed you.
I'm scared, Angel.
I'm more scared of me than I am of him right now.
You're at a crossroads.
I know.
It's either go for the easy fix and wait for the consequences or take the hard road and go with faith.
Oh, God.
You're not from that freaky church on Sunset, are you? In yourself.
That kind of faith.
I'm saying, if you leave Lenny for good, it'll hurt.
But, eventually, you'll be stronger for it.
And maybe you'll find your way to the kind of love you deserve.
You mean the kind that comes without 911 calls? That's the general idea.
Oh, yeah, Spike's nearly killed Buffy.
I mention he's killed two slayers already? You did.
And one time he and Dru raised a demon that burned people alive from the inside.
It was this whole weird thing with an arm in a box.
An arm in a box? - House of Pies.
- Doyle? Is that you? Just laying low, the calls to past acquaintances stirred up a few resentments.
I hope it was worth it, Manny The Pig said he didn't know about a vampire called Spike, - So? - He said that before I mentioned anything about Spike.
So you'll find him at a joint on 3rd called the Orbit Room, Okay.
I'll start with Manny The Pig.
Work your way down, He left for the club! Try the game.
Put them down.
He'll kill me if I talk.
How healthy do you think it is to stay quiet? He's out back.
Let her go.
Did anyone ever tell you you're a hell of a buzz-kill? Run! Caught me fair and square, white hat.
Guess there's nothing to do now but go along quietly and pay my debt to society.
You think you can come to my town and pull this crap? You never learn, Spike.
I may be a slow learner, but eventually I catch on.
Angel should have called by now.
This is bad.
Maybe not.
Maybe he did away with Spike in short order and decided to try surfing.
Right.
What am I worried about? Angel has the ring.
- Right? - Absolutely.
I bet he's hanging 10 off the sandy shores of Malibu right now.
Wind in his hair, bikini babes a-whistling, Marcus is an expert.
Some say "artist" but I've never been comfortable with labels.
He's a bloody king of torture, he is.
Humans, demons politicians, makes no difference.
Some say he invented several of the classics but he won't tell me which ones.
Beneath the cool exterior, you'll find he's rather shy.
Except with kids.
You like kids, don't you, Marcus? Well, likes to eat.
And other nasty things.
His skin.
Annoying, isn't it? Still attached.
Over 200 years of living and so little external damage.
What about internal? Do you two need to be alone or can we get on with it? He's known love.
And with a slayer no less.
How's that for perversion? And he has a soul.
Right, a vampire with a soul cursed to walk the earth, trying to do good.
That's not a problem, is it? On the contrary.
Creatures with souls have something to lose.
Souls, fingers, toes, let's get chopping, shall we? I want my damn ring.
What do you want, Angel? Are you gonna torture me or just bore me to death? Probably a little of both.
Someone's having shish kebab.
What do you want? What do you want, Angel? House in the country.
Running shoes you can wear to dinner.
Why do you keep asking that? And why do you keep playing Brahms? Actually it's Mozart.
Symphony 41.
I find it very effective.
Personally, I like his older, funnier symphonies.
Look, I want my ring! And if I don't get it pretty soon I'll stake him right here and now! He knows you won't kill him until you get the ring.
He knows you're lying.
Then you get it for me.
Soon he'll tell me everything and then some.
And he knows I'm not lying.
I believe he does.
- You're an idiot.
- You think? Because I'm not the one with the hot pokers in my side.
You hired a vampire.
What do you think he'll do with it when he finds it? Hand it to you? Oh, good lord, why didn't I think--? Oh, half a mo.
I did.
I hired a guy who doesn't care about the ring or anything else except taking blokes apart one piece at a time.
It's called addiction.
We all have them.
I believe yours is named Slutty the Vampire Slayer.
Thank you.
Speaking of little Buff I ran into her recently.
Your name didn't come up.
Although she has been awful busy jumping the bones of the first lunkhead who came along.
Good-looking fellow.
Used her shamelessly.
She is cute when she's hurting, isn't she? She's cuter when she's kicking your ass.
I think I'll get some fresh air, leave you two kids to it.
Now that's music.
If I was a ring where would I be? Well, this is fun but it's gonna get old real fast.
Most things that live and breathe hate the dark and love the light.
We're different though, aren't we? We hate the light of day and it hates us back in kind.
You hid the ring, Angel.
You could be walking in the light right now.
So I have to wonder what do you want if not the ring? It's through the pain that we find the truth of who we are.
It strips us of our defenses.
We are made innocent again, like children.
I like children, Angel.
I'm here to help you find that innocence here with the light.
When you're through giving the place the Johnny Depp-over I hope you have the cash to pay for all this.
Cordelia.
- Love the hair.
- Wish I could say the same to you.
That's close enough, dimwit.
What is it with you good guys running in packs? - Who's this one? - More than meets the eye.
The mick's got spine.
Maybe I'll snap it in two.
Do you want me to use this? You'll be dead before the arrow leaves the bow.
Now where was I? Tired of looking for that ring.
You two should take over.
Where's Angel? Tall, brooding guy? Caveman brow? He's having the hell tortured out of him.
You know how stubborn he is.
He might die before he gives up the ring.
Why don't you two find it real fast and give it to me.
I'll let Angel go.
I don't trust you.
To coin a popular Sunnydale phrase, "Duh.
" But you do have until sundown.
I'll be behind Peterson's Fishery, between Seward and Westminster.
Don't be late.
You did terrible things when you were bad, didn't you? And now you're trying so hard to do good.
But Angel there's nothing bad or good but thinking makes it so.
Now, I can make the pain go away and, as you know, I can bring it bank again.
What do you want, Angel? I think I know, but I'd like to hear it from you.
The truth.
I'll know if you're lying.
I want forgiveness.
Yes.
That's the truth.
And you want to earn it.
You don't take the easy way out.
Which is why I like you so much.
In the end you won't feel guilt or remorse or anything but pure darkness.
In the end, the ring, the past none of it will mean anything anymore.
You'll be free.
I promise.
And I promise to kill you.
Staking the torturer is strictly prohibited.
Easy, big fella.
Still need that ring.
Now you've made him mad.
Wouldn't want to be in your chains.
It won't be long now.
Well, what say I grab a pair of needlenose pliers and give a hand? - Drat.
- What? It's not in the freezer or the toilet.
In the movies, it's always in one of those.
- It's not here.
- No.
We looked everywhere.
- Except? - The rat-infested tunnels he uses to get around in the daytime.
This is not a needle in a haystack.
This is a needle in Kansas.
I know, you're right.
We just gotta keep looking.
Here! How did you do that? - You gotta get lucky sometimes.
- I could hug you! Not that lucky.
Come on, we gotta save Angel.
By giving Spike what he wants so he can kill us.
Right.
No.
We need a plan.
So where's my ring? - Not on us.
- But we know where it is.
And suddenly I'm so painfully bored.
Time runs short, children.
Give me that ring as if Angel's life depended on it.
Listen, you little Cockney, take us to Angel, now.
Show us he's still in one piece we'll tell you where to find your ring.
He's still alive, I think.
"In one piece" was never a part of the deal.
Lucy, I'm home! - Angel! - Hey.
Hey.
A deal's a deal.
Cordelia.
Our deal was for the ring.
So you've wasted enough of my time, I'd like it now! You want the ring, you dog? Fetch! Okay.
Good.
You've got the ring, we've got Angel.
Now you'll leave us alone and we'll leave.
Come on.
You don't really think we're gonna do that, do you? - Not really.
- No.
Spike.
Where's the ring? Bloody hell.
Son of a bitch! I do the work I do the digging fight off a slayer drive to L.
A hire the help and what do I get? Royally screwed is what! Well, that cinches it.
No more partners.
From now on, I'm my own man.
Lone wolf.
Sole survivor.
Look out! Here comes Spike, the biggest, baddest mother-- I really hope they kill each other.
- How is he? - He'll live.
He needs a hospital.
Which one? They all specialize in humans.
He's right.
Too risky.
Know any first aid? Your basic 6th grade, but I can improvise.
- If we find someplace dark-- - Turn around.
- He's delirious, ignore him.
- Turn around.
Why? It's daylight and you're ringless.
Unless you change the act to human torch, no.
She's right.
You're death on toast.
No shape to fight a torture demon.
God! Okay, he's got a thing for children.
Oz, turn around.
He can't have gone far.
Hello, boys and girls.
Run.
Move your little scout legs.
Now! Go! Damn it, I'll get him.
Doyle! - Sure about this? - Yeah.
Where is he? - Are you planning to kill me? - Well, after all, I promised.
You never cracked me.
You tried, but you failed.
Now that's gotta be torture.
- Are you okay? - Fine.
I'm-- Thanks for the help.
You were key.
You're incredibly pale.
Look, you should lie down.
We should take you home.
Just give him a minute.
He's very pale.
Paler than most people.
So, how long has it been between sunsets? Two hundred years, give or take.
You gotta be feeling damn good then.
This ring changes everything, don't it? It's spectacular, but I promise there will be another one again tomorrow.
Not for me.
What are you saying? The city will get hit by a meteor before tomorrow? No, it's too horrible to say.
I can't bring myself to say the other.
I'm not gonna wear the ring.
That was the other.
You got an addiction to the brooding part of life.
Anyone tell you that? Once or twice.
Care to explain? This ring is redemption.
What you're waiting for.
No, it just looks like it.
- Think what you're saying.
- I have.
I've thought of it from every angle, and I figure I did a lot of damage.
More than you can imagine.
You don't get it because your period of self-flagellation isn't over? Think of all the daytime people you could help.
They have help.
The whole world is designed for them.
So much that they have no idea what goes on after dark.
They don't see the weak ones lost in the night or the things that prey on them.
And if I join them maybe I'd stop seeing too.
And who'd look out for all the insomniacs? I was brought back for a reason.
And I don't think it was for 18 holes at Rancho.
That Rachel girl with the crazy boyfriend called and said to say thanks and that she found a little faith.
Said you'd know what that means.
I don't know about you, but I had a nice day.
Except for the bulk of it where I was nearly tortured to death.
You stood up.
Oh, God.
I was this close to telling him everything.
One more hot poker and I was giving him the ring your mom, everything.
How is your mom?