Arab Maklum (2023) s01e03 Episode Script

1
Mina is having a quarrel
with her husband, La.
Do you know why?
It's because Mina checked
her husband's phone.
Unexpectedly, she found
her husband's mistress' photo.
-Astagfirullahaladzim. How dare he?
-That's not all.
Apparently, he has married
that woman unofficially.
They have a child, La.
One several years old.
-Poor Mina, La.
-Innalillahi.
Their affair was only revealed
years after they had a child?
Indeed.
-So, it's important for us as wives
-Gossiping in the early morning.
to check our husbands' phones
once in a blue moon,
lest we let our guard down.
Lest our husbands have mistresses
and have children.
Naudzubillah min dzalik.
God forbid, Ya Allah.
Astagfirullahaladzim.
Wait a minute, Aba.
Aba, can I borrow your phone?
Borrow my phone? Where is yours?
In the bedroom. I just want to borrow it
for a second to take a selfie.
Use your own phone.
I need to read this message.
Ya Allah, a message from who?
Why are you covering it up?
Ya Allah, it's no one.
Here, take a look.
-It's from Vanya!
-What?
Vanya?
Don't be ridiculous!
Aba! Why is that widow
sending pictures of herself to you?
Astagfirullahaladzim.
Nice.
What's nice?
Sye, take a look at this.
Merlin posted a picture with a boy.
I think he's her new crush.
He's so handsome. Look at this.
Let me see.
He's handsome, right?
After a closer look, he looks like
your crush. What's his name?
Fadly. He looks like Fadly.
No, he doesn't.
He does. You are still young,
but you have insomnia.
It's amnesia.
Your handsome crush. Don't you remember?
You've got a date with him.
Tell me, how far did you go
on your date with him?
Kissing?
-Astagfirullahaladzim.
-What do you mean?
We did nothing. We just had dinner.
What did you do after dinner?
Went home.
Uncle, you'd better join us here!
Don't just chime into the chat.
Quick!
What are you doing under the bed?
I know, right?
Your mother is angry because
Vanya sent sexy pictures of herself to me.
Astagfirullah.
Can I see them?
MUD, PLEASE FORWARD MY PICTURES
TO ASENG.
These pictures are for Uncle Aseng.
For Aseng?
Astagfirullah.
I thought she'd sent them for me.
Don't be too confident. So funny.
Who were you talking about? Fadly?
Yes, about Fadly.
So, he wants to arrange a party.
He's invited all of our friends.
We wish to be invited too.
Why don't you tell him?
So we can be considered popular.
Uncle, Sye is allowed to attend
a party, right?
Of course
she's not allowed.
But why?
Why is she not allowed?
It's not good for a girl
to go out after dusk.
Uncle, Sye often looks dumbfounded
at college.
Her lectures are hard.
She is sad. She needs entertainment.
Not to mention, I am her only friend.
Don't you feel sorry for her?
Uncle, Sye is your only child.
Don't you want to be the best dad for her?
So, is she allowed to go to a party?
If she needs entertainment because of
the stress from her lectures,
what if I arrange some rahatan at home?
ENTERTAINMEN
"Rahatan"?
Now, I need to clarify the situation
with the photos to your mother.
What is "karatan"? Wait a minute?
It's rahatan.
Karatan, rahatan.
The point is, what is that?
He should explain it first before he goes!
I will Google it.
"Rahatan."
Raffi Ahmad's son?
Assalamu alaikum
warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
Waalaikumsalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
katuh.
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
We're here today
to form a rahatan committee.
Please continue.
As we all know, this rahatan
is to celebrate Syakila's 19th birthday.
Before we arrange the plan,
in order to achieve consensus
Don't be so noisy.
-The coffee is good, Mud.
-Don't be so noisy!
-Please continue.
-Go on.
It would be good for us
to vote for a leader.
I agree.
-Mahmud.
-Mahmud.
I choose my bestie, Laela.
I vote Laela.
I vote
-Mahmud.
-Laela.
I vote
-Mahmud.
-Laela.
Laela.
Bestie! You win!
It's okay. It's okay, bro.
Next time, okay?
Sorry, Mahmud.
Thank you.
Okay, now we'll hand over
to the project leader
who will decide who is in charge of what.
-Okay. Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
-Yes.
After long deliberation, I have decided
that the event coordinator will be
Koh Aseng.
Me?
-Congratulations.
-Thank you.
The person in charge of the treasury
-will be Jen.
-That's me. Thank you.
Sponsorship and funding
will be handled by Mahmud.
-That's you, Mud.
-Congratulations.
Decorations will also be handled
by Mahmud.
-Mahmud again. Twice.
-That's you again.
Food and beverage
-Also Mahmud.
-Thrice.
You'll exhausted
from handling so many things.
Reservations and invitations
-Jenab.
-Jenab again. Thank you.
In my opinion,
to send invitations, we have to find out
who Syakila's friends are.
If we don't,
the guests will all be your friends.
Never doubt my best friend's ability
when it comes to inviting people.
She can invite anyone in under two hours.
That's right.
Aseng, the goal of this rahatan
is to introduce Syakila to men
who are of Arab descent.
I get it. Then Jenab should be
in charge of the invitations.
-I told you so.
-He is crazy.
Nab, try to invite our neighbors.
Mrs. Rogaya, Mrs. Delilah, Mrs. Habibah.
What do you mean?
Why would you invite all the widows?
-What do you mean?
-Yes, why widows?
Astagfirullahaladzim. Don't be prejudiced.
They have sons as old as Syakila.
You are a yahanu (smartass).
You remember those widows' names by heart.
What about Mrs. Wayan? She has a son too.
Why don't you invite her?
-Why don't you invite her?
-Why, Mud?
Mrs. Wayan is not of Arab descent.
The goal of this rahatan
is to introduce Syakila to men
who are of Arab descent.
Who knows? One of them
might be Syakila's soulmate.
Then my dream might come true.
I might have an Arab for my son-in-law.
-You're right.
-La, let him be.
Ya Kher! You arrange it.
OKAY
Now, what about the main event?
-The event.
-The event?
-That's me, right?
-Yes, Seng.
I watched a lion dance
at the Chinese New Year celebration.
-Do you want me to book them?
-Lion dance?
It's not an event
where anyone performs a lion dance.
-Yes, no lion dance.
-What's wrong with you?
Okay then.
-What about a clown who does magic tricks?
-I agree. A clown who does magic tricks.
-You agree, you say? No way!
-He doesn't agree?
Clowns who do magic tricks are for kids.
Syakila is a grown-up now.
So what do we do now?
There are magicians for adults.
Pesulap Merah (Red Magician).
That's it. A magician. I don't care
if they're red, yellow, or green.
-A magician!
-No.
"Red, yellow, green."
Do you think this is a traffic light?
No way! No magic!
We'll use music, as usual.
-Music, Seng.
-Music?
-Then invite a DJ. Butterfly!
-DJ, Seng!
Good idea. That's right. I agree.
-Don't always just say you agree. No way!
-Huh?
Okay, stop now. We'll use gambus music.
You always go with gambus music.
You're like the elderly.
Where should I look for gambus music?
Forget it. Now,
what about the decorations?
Wait a minute. I have an idea.
What if we use balloons as a concept?
No. Absolutely not.
-Any other ideas?
-Lanterns!
-No.
-That's a big no.
Laela, my bestie, I have an idea.
Listen. To create a festive atmosphere,
we should decorate the house.
For example, using balloons.
Wouldn't that be cute?
Yes, that would be cute. Now, jot it down.
-Jot it down, balloons.
-Balloons.
-I suggested balloons too.
-You did.
Mi, what if we have a dress code?
Don't you know?
To make things neat and uniform
at a party,
it's better to set up a theme.
For example, wearing white or pink.
-Doesn't that sound exciting?
-Yes, it does!
-You are clever. Everyone uniform.
-Indeed.
-That's a dress code.
-Yes, it is.
Why are ideas always rejected?
Next time, if you want to suggest
an idea, you should say,
"Isn't cute? Isn't it exciting?"
Like that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Seng, hurry up! Before Sasa arrives!
No need to rush me.
Can't you see the size
of the straw you gave me?
No need to be angry.
Who says I'm angry?
I see you are still fixing the balloons.
They're done.
The cake is ready.
Okay.
Perfect.
-Nab.
-What is it, Mahmud?
-What is it?
-Where are the other guests?
Which guests do you mean?
Our neighbors. Mrs. Rogaya,
Mrs. Habibah, and Mrs. Delilah.
Mahmud, I didn't invite any of them.
Understand?
Why aren't they invited?
The head of the committee,
the honorable Laela,
said I wasn't allowed to invite widows.
Do you understand?
Astagfirullahaladzim.
Geez.
How is it going, Seng?
Look at my masterpiece.
This should be hung with precision,
and that's hard.
What's wrong with you?
Need more guests?
I knew it.
Don't worry. I invited your friends.
They live around here.
-Really?
-Of course.
-Ajib.
-Ajib.
COOL/TASTY
This is what I'm talking about.
This should be fixed.
See?
Good.
It's a message from Kimber.
They are close.
-They are?
-Let's get ready.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SYAKILA
Thank you for welcoming me. I'm touched.
-My goodness!
-Jenab, come here.
You're here.
-How come she's here?
-I don't know.
I didn't invite her.
I wouldn't because I am sick of her.
How disrespectful.
She didn't even follow the dress code.
She is like an ATM. Anywhere, everywhere.
Indeed. I despise her.
-This must be your doing, right?
-No, it isn't.
I invited her.
But Mahmud gave me permission.
He said, "Ajib."
Is that true? She is cool?
I will escort your guest in, okay?
-Can I take a look?
-Yes, let's go. This one is good.
Where are you going?
Don't run away after making a mess.
-What?
-This surprise party is now ruined.
-That's Aseng's fault, not mine.
-It's all messed up.
Aseng's fault? Don't you dare.
If you want to quarrel, scoot over.
I'm doing some sweeping.
Always quarreling all the time.
This is your habit, presumptuousness.
You always do things without asking me.
-Presumptuousness?
-This is why I hate surprise parties.
They always fail.
Widows were not invited,
yet you invited one.
I thought he was inviting Burhan.
I didn't expect Vanya to come.
Don't make excuses.
You are trying to flirt with her.
Other widows weren't invited,
but you invited her.
-But it was Aseng who invited her.
-Aba, Umi, what's happening?
Happy birthday, Sasa. Come on in.
Not your mahram.
Then I'll hug the father.
Happy birthday, Syakila.
Happy birthday, my dearest daughter.
Happy birthday, my cute niece.
Happy birthday, gorgeous.
Wait a minute.
I haven't congratulated her.
Happy birthday, my friend.
We will always be together.
-Are you done?
-I am.
In this very happy moment,
I want to say congratulations, Sasa.
But, first, let's toast.
I hope Syakila gets a handsome soulmate
like Su Jongkook.
-Who is Jongkook?
-I don't know.
Handsome like Tom Holland.
Handsome like Zayn Malik.
Zayn Malik.
Who is Zayn Malik?
-He looks Arab.
-Arab?
Yes.
Why are you squatting?
It's in the sunna, Seng.
You have to sit when drinking.
I think it's not too sweet.
-I'll do it too.
-I am done.
Oh. Okay.
Wait, I want to toast too.
I hope Sye will become more popular
and have a lot of boyfriends.
-Dating is forbidden.
-It's forbidden.
Cheers.
Let's sit again.
Dating is forbidden.
I want to toast Syakila too.
I hope Syakila will become more beautiful,
gorgeous, and sexy like me.
-Like her mother.
-Like her mother.
-Like her mother?
-Let's toast.
It's good.
Mud, don't.
In case anyone proposes another toast.
It is tiring to go up and down
again and again.
-You're right.
-Let's stay like this.
Just wait and see.
But no one's proposed a toast.
Let's stand up. My legs are cramping.
Yes.
-Okay. What food do you have?
-Uncle.
Wait a minute. Try this drink first.
It's so refreshing.
-Are you sure?
-Yes.
There's fruit in it.
Here.
Squatting again.
Thank you for your coming
to Syakila's birthday party.
I wish Syakila a long and healthy life,
and I hope she gets a kind soulmate.
Most importantly, I hope he is
he is of Arab descent. Amin!
-Let's dig in. Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
-Let's eat.
Bismillah.
-Sa, where is Kim?
-She's making a phone call.
That's her. Kim, come here, let's eat.
-Otherwise, you won't get any food.
-This is so good.
This is only for us.
Eat, La.
-Let's eat, Kim.
-Okay.
-This is good.
-Yes, Auntie.
-I don't eat meat.
-What?
-You don't eat meat?
-No, I don't.
No wonder you are thin.
-Here, eat the veggies.
-I'm not a goat.
Just a little bit. This is just for us.
You can eat the tomatoes
to improve your vision.
Take a look at yourself.
Your vision is also bad.
-They are fighting.
-Who is he?
Alhamdulillah. This is a blessing.
Mahmud, the photos I sent yesterday,
have you sent them to Aseng?
-Those pictures?
-Yes.
I didn't send them
because my wife deleted them.
-Geez
-Sorry.
What's wrong with you?
Okay, I'll send them to you again,
but forward them to Aseng right away
before they are deleted
by Laela again. Got it?
Why don't you send them directly to Aseng?
-It's okay.
-Send them to Aseng.
Were the pictures sexy enough?
-Sexy?
-Yes, were they sexy enough?
I'll go inside. Al-Afuww (excuse me).
What? "I love you"?
Al-Afuww.
FORGIVE ME
You said you didn't eat meat.
This meat is different.
The other was so messy.
But it is still meat,
and there's quite a lot of it.
This is tastier.
There were too many people before too.
Your choice.
You can finish it all?
Wait a minute. I need to take this.
Thank you for your well wishes.
I pray the same for you.
Birthday dinner? Tonight?
I'll try to ask my parents' permission.
Aba and Umi have arranged
a birthday party for me.
Who called you?
Aba. You startled me.
A friend.
Ba, can I go out with Kimberly tonight?
I told you, it's not good for a girl
to go out after dusk.
Why not, Aba?
Evil spirits come out after dusk.
Aba, don't scare me
like I'm still a child.
Please, Aba. Today is my birthday.
Okay. Just for tonight.
But you must be home before 7:30 p.m.
By 7:30 p.m.?
But I won't have even started eating, Ba.
Be home before 7:30 p.m.,
or don't go at all.
Aba.
I am drunk on pizza.
I am very full.
Oh my
How many pieces did I eat? I am so full.
Are you okay, Sye?
Fadly asked me out for a birthday dinner,
but Aba says I have to be home
by 7:30 p.m.
Huh? By 7:30 p.m.?
Even fried rice sellers
don't start selling that early.
Your father is out of date.
It's like he was never young.
Maybe he was born an adult.
I am sick of your father.
But it's better than not at all.
You've got a point.
Then confirm first.
We can find excuses later.
You can say you've run out of gasoline
or that you have a flat tire
or that your battery has exploded.
I don't want to lie. It's a sin.
Okay, then don't lie. Make it happen.
Use up all the gasoline,
flatten the tires
Or detonate the battery?
Good idea, Uncle.
Where did he come from?
Uncle, why are you always around?
When will you not be around?
Sa, invite your crush here.
Introduce him to us.
He is not my crush, Ba.
He is just a friend.
It's okay. Invite him.
I want to get to know
your so-called "just a friend."
Huh?
Your father is really gone.
That's good.
I prefer it this way.
It's quieter.
-It's not bad.
-It isn't, is it?
After drinking that,
you should drink this.
-Again?
-Yes.
This is to neutralize your tongue.
Is it? Really?
-That's what she said.
-She's pulling our leg.
Ya Allah.
You do it alone.
It's not applicable to me.
-I see.
-I am a Christian.
-So am I!
-Which church do you go to?
Over there.