Astrid and Lilly Save the World (2022) s01e03 Episode Script

Previously on Astrid and Lilly Save the World.
I love us.
I love us too, Lil.
- You're a monster - Check out a mirror.
Oh, shit, I'm gonna die at the hands of a hottie with a body.
I'm Brutus.
Long story short a portal to another dimensin was opened.
Sort of "end of the world" type situation.
It makes sense.
It's furniture lady.
Oh, my God! Who have you been taking orders from anyway? Brutus? I know you're up to somethin.
I just don't know what it s yet but I think it has something to do wih the solar system.
Two down, eight to go.
Oh, I officially hate everything I own.
Come on, we're gonna be late.
Okay, you look fine.
Who are you trying to impress, anyway? Oh, nothing, no one! Uh, why would you even say that? Let's just go.
Hooah.
How did you get in here? What the hell, Brutus?! That was a test.
And you failed.
You have to learn how to conquer your fears.
Eight monsters between the both of you and the closing of the portal? You have to always be ready.
Good news is the rest of your powers should be kicking in soon.
- Wait, the rest of them? - Yeah.
Ohh! Do we get to be, like, invisible? I've always wanted to be able to fly.
I just want the vinegar vomit smell to stop.
Yeah, no, that's still gonna be there.
But your hearing and your sight should be increasing.
I guess that's cool.
Oh, the better to spy on Sparrow.
Oh, and your leg? It is gradually gonna get stronger, so Wait just the one leg? Wow.
Awesome.
Just be careful, you know, with your powers.
They're really unpredictable.
They are tied to the portal, which is a literal rip in time and space, so, you know, not the most stable.
Hm.
Uh, hey, this is private! Oh, I'm I'm cool.
I'm cool.
I love, uh Tay-Tay and, uh Penises.
Oh! And what's this? Who are these jerks at school? Of course you can get a boyfriend.
Hey! Hey, that's that's me! All right! Time to go.
It's time to go! Uh, Brutus almost saw everything.
God damn it, Brutus! Conquer your fear.
Always be ready.
Ohh I wanted to drink this.
Is it just me, or does the whole Brutus training feel super random? I mean, I know he's supposed to be the expert, but the whole thing is kinda - Kinda suss? - Yeah.
And now we're late.
Brutus didn't mention any new monsters.
Maybe we get the day off? Oh, my God! Brutus, give it a rest! Oh, God, oh God.
What the hell was that? Oh, my God! First, I find a gray hair this morning and now Jonas is a no-show.
My birthday week is ruined.
- Maybe he's just late? - I had a whole plan! Bottomless margs at Maria's Cantina and then I was finally gonna close that hottie.
Boo.
What if he saw the gray hair and now he's avoiding me? Oh, my God, are you kiddin? You look amazing.
Well, of course you think I look amazing; you're so much older than me.
If you still wanna get marg, I'm free tonight.
I know what will make me feel better.
Today we're playing dodgeball! Oh, dodgeball.
Classic.
The bruises are temporary but the emotional scars last a lifetime.
Hey, what's wrong? I can't.
I can't.
Where do you think you're going? Nurse's office.
I have flu cramps.
Nice try.
There is no such thing as flu cramps.
You, over there.
Okay, let's go.
Ah, ah, ah, na! You.
Over there.
You, there.
You, there.
You, there.
No, you there.
Ready or not here we go! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, ow.
Ooh.
Ow, stop.
Astrid! Ow! Hey! Hey! Hey! They can't keep hitting her after she's out! Dodgeball is survival of the fittest.
She should try being fitter.
Or a smaller target.
Oh, my God.
Ow.
Ooh! Hey, are you okay? Like, what happened back there? Dodgeball PTSD.
Second grade, Ben Blake hit me in the face.
I got this, like, huge nosebleed.
Then I peed my pants.
Ah! Big yikes.
Every time I see that red ball it's like I'm seven years old again.
Express train to meltdown city.
What is it? I think maybe my super hearing kicked in? If you jump out at us again, I will murder you.
You weren't here the whole time, right? What? No, ew! No, I'm not some sort of creeper.
Anyway, we have to talk.
Another monster's come through the portal.
Hm.
We figured.
Well, that giant snake tail and all.
Oh, yeah.
But it's so much more than just a giant sn Good morning, Ferrets! Pep rally at lunch! Yeah, ah, ah! Go, Ferrets! Did Brutus just bail? What the hell! What did he say? He said it was more than just a snake, like Well, that's helpful! Ahh You're okay.
It's going to be fine.
Almost there.
Hey, Christine.
He has blessed us with a beautiful day, hasn't he? - Hm.
- So, little favour: I see you're scheduled for the rec room tonight, again, but I was wondering, since I'm in charge of the building for Habitat Oh! Bless your heart.
I-I would love to! But, unfortunately, I do have that room booked, again.
All month, actually.
If you're at peace with putting your needs above those of the dispossessed, I'm sure you're right.
I'm always right, Tom.
If that's the path you're comfortable with, - Because that's absolutely - Oh, oh, no! Uh-oh.
What's happening? Talk later, then! Hm, I see you're digging my new decor! So, before we talk about monster stuff, we kind of What's your deal? My deal? Yeah.
We have questions.
Uh, we just wanted to know where you're from, why you know all this stuff, why you're helping us.
Whether you're telling us the truth.
Where is this coming from? Well Before we killed Razor, she kinda said some stuff.
You listened to Razor? Well, she might've been a murderous hellbeast with a hankering for teen boy meat, but she had a point: we don't know anything about you.
Okay, guys, guys there's a monster out there that could be killing someone as we speak.
But, sure, we could spend the whole night talking about me.
That's fine by me.
You're right.
Astrid? Fine.
Hm.
The creature is called a Timoring.
It's a shapeshifter that manifests as someone's worst fear, and kills them with it, before moving onto its next victim.
That sounds terrible.
- Mm-hm - How do we kill it? Um, not ideal.
The Timoring is only vulnerable when confronted with its own worst fear.
Otherwise, it's pretty much unkillable.
And that fear would be what? Huh? Um, it's not specified, unfortunately.
But that's when your detective know-how comes in.
I have every confidence.
That makes one of us.
And when the Tim's done and dusted, all you need to do is get its amygdala for the orb.
- Ew.
- All right, come on.
Happy hunting! Okay, it's not here! Do you want to go for another lap? Well, we've been at this for hours.
If I don't get home soon, my mom's gonna freak.
Okay, let's call it.
We can regroup, start again tomorrow.
Thank you.
Okay, okay, okay.
Sh, sh, sh.
Oh, my God.
- Oh, Jesus.
- Yeah, okay.
Come on.
Sh, sh, sh, sh.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
Oh Oh, my God.
It's that substitute teacher! Oh, my God.
We're too late! Is that a snake fang? No.
You are hot.
You are sexy and just Mm! You are so hot.
Be hot.
You're hot.
You're hot.
You're just Hot.
Up late? You know those all-night Xena binges are bad for your sleep.
Oh, it wasn't Xena's fault; it was my stupid subconscious.
I was trapped in a stress-induced nightmare loop, playing dodgeball with a giant snake.
Ugh.
Yeah, I can't stop thinking about that poor substitute.
- Ah! Ow! - Oh! What's that for? Oh, I don't know.
I didn't mean to.
- It's a monster! - It's here! Oh, shit Oh, I hope it's not some snake.
Oh, my God! You're hot.
You're sexy.
Yeah.
It has to be close.
But how do we find it? You're hot.
Happy birthday - Yes, you are.
- To you That was easier than I thought! Okay.
No - Come on! - No! Make a wish! Blow out your candles! No.
Goodbye, 20s Hello, early menopause! Hey, back off, creepshow! I have a super-leg of indeterminate strength, and I'm not afraid to use it! You go, Lilly, with your bad self! - Very intimidating! - Yes.
Sorry Didn't know anyone was in here.
I need to grease the hinges.
I'll-I'll-I'll come back.
Uh, it's okay.
The scary clown is gone.
What kind of sick freak would do something like that? Do people actually think I'm 30!? Well, that took an unexpected turn.
I'm not going to be 30 for another two years! No, wait, no, wait: four years! I'm only 26.
It's okay; I-I'd still card you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're very young, like a little ol' baby.
Yeah? - Come on, we gotta go.
- Yeah.
What the hell happened? Did we scare it off somehow? No idea! I wonder where he went? Let's go.
This is Maggie from Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.
Here we go! If I had thought that you would never, never, never make love to me again why, I would go downstairs to the kitchen, and I would pick out the longest and the sharpest knife that I could find and I would stick it straight into my heart! - I swear I would! - Boo! Hello? Hello? Oh.
Oh, Brick! How long does it have to go on for? This punishment? Haven't I done time enough, haven't I served my term, can't I apply for for a pardon? - Boo! - Okay.
Rude! You suck! Boo! Excuse me? Yes, child! What'd you do? Break your leg? Okay, seriously! You-you, Valerie! You don't even deserve to be in a theater! It has to be around here somewhere.
We just saw it! Aw, oh! My leg! Oh, oh, my God.
It's attacking again! Help! Somebody help me! Somebody help me! Okay, go, go, go! I've never seen anything quite so wooden.
No, I don't even know you.
You should be banned! Oh-ho-ho Wha-what happened? I was I was practicing my monologue and then, all of a sudden, they were-they were throwing things at me and they they said they said I was a bad actor.
Well, where did they go? I don't know.
I They disappeared when I got into the cafeteria.
I don't know Disappeared again? Hella weird.
Oh, my God.
I don't get it.
We saw it kill when it was a snake.
But why did it stop with Michelle and Val? There's a pattern here.
I-I know there is.
How are my two favorite hunters this fine evening? Oh, my God, you gotta stop doing that! Oh, my God.
What, it's part of my very important training.
You know that.
I mean, don't you trust me? I mean, why should we? We don't know anything about you.
Wow.
Okay.
You guys are still hung up on this, huh? I mean, you are a monster.
A-a nice monster.
But a monster, nonetheless.
Why are you so invested in helping us close the portal? Fair enough.
I come from a long line of interdimensional monster-hunter mentors as part of an organization called The Portal Protectorate.
Agents are trained from hatchlings to monitor the borders between worlds, and to step in if there's a breach.
- Hm.
- It's all very official.
Oh, we even have badges.
Very trustworthy.
Oh! Cute photo.
Thanks.
Hm.
Well, I get why a breach is bad for us, but why does the protectorate thing care if a few humans get turned into monster kibble? They don't.
As such.
They care about portals.
Portals weaken the architecture of the universe.
If left unchecked, if there's too many open at once, it could cause the whole cosmos to collapse resulting in painful death and destruction, bodies flipping inside out; organs just popping Okay.
So, then, why did you bail on us at school today? Because of the monster.
Hm? The giant furry thing? The ferret? Yeah.
That's the school mascot.
Why would a school make a monster its mascot? Hm? And to expose children to that thing? I don't understand this dimension, like, at all.
Anyway, I leave the Timoring in your very capable hands.
You guys got this.
Well, I guess we know what Brutus is afraid of.
Now we just need to figure out what gives Tim the heebie-jeebies.
That was beautiful! I actually felt that one.
Now, let's go be youth warriors! Get those recruit numbers up! Again? Brutus? Annoying! Hey, dorks.
Gosh, I am sorry to interrupt your little evening.
We're gonna be out of your hair in a jiff.
I'm not going to force Astrid to go if she doesn't want to.
Oh, that's adorable, but, unfortunately, I have a note from Astrid's mom granting me permission to take her.
Helen just wants to make sure that her daughter is on the right path.
You know, balance out any bad influences.
I'm almost impressed.
You guys keep finding new depths of loser.
Oh, it's the Timoring.
It found us! Nope! Just terrible people entering our most sacredest space.
How can you be sure? No monster reek.
Just this biznatch's Bath & Body Works.
By the way, you smell like a rancid fruit roll-up.
Cute pic.
Is that your imaginary boyfriend? What are you even doing here? Youth Group is doing our annual lock-in.
Astrid's coming with.
Over my dead body.
Chill.
We have snacks.
It's okay.
I'll go.
Anything to get you asshats to GTFO.
So, what are we up to tonight? Pound a few beers, then hit the clubs? It's a surprise.
Oh, my God.
Hey.
Hey.
Where do you think you're going at this hour, young lady? Ah, just saving Astrid from youth group.
Okay.
Don't be too late, kiddo.
Thanks.
'Night! Goodnight.
Welcome, all.
We are so lucky to have you.
You are about to embark on a very special journey.
I'm sorry, Astrid, is there something you want to say? I just have a feeling that what you call "special," I call "less fun than waterboarding.
" Well, thank you for your input.
Hm.
As I was saying on this journey you are going to be forced to confront your sin and your depravity.
Like, I don't know, a-a smart mouth, or a complete lack of respect for authority.
But, first, I'm going to have to take all of your phones.
Can't have any false idols getting in the way of your spiritual progress! Whose is that? Oh, ha! My bad.
That's me.
It is right There it is.
Okay, T-T-Y-L.
Okay.
Sorry, where were we? Oh false idols.
Hand them over.
Hm.
Good girl.
Now let's get this show on the road.
Sweetie, you're first.
We are holy hostages.
Yeah, like in Jesus jail.
Only Christine could come up with something this perverse.
Oh! Does anybody else smell that? No.
Shit! The Timoring strikes again.
Oh, my God.
Oh.
What? Oh! training exercise valuable problem-solving skills? Car back together? I am going to murder him! So, uh Never mind.
What a weird-ass day.
First I get attacked by giant bees, and then I get kidnapped by youth groupies.
Can't wait to see what happens next.
Giant bees? Yeah.
Like, how giant? Like, football size.
Just totally insane.
Huh.
Maybe you were seeing things? Oh, I-I was definitely seeing things.
I was high as balls.
Oh! Hmm.
Your turn.
Oh? Are you serious? Don't touch me, man! I'll be back for you later.
I gotta get us outta here.
Hold on, Astrid, I'm coming! Oh! Cool! Whoo! Uh What's happening? Ah! Ah, damn you, Brutus, or Portal Protectorate, or whatever you are! Biking was easier without this stupid super-leg! Ho Okay.
Ooh, I'm Sparrow.
Look at my black nail polish.
I'm so edgy.
Do you actually think you look cool? It's like you fell into the bargain bin at Hot Topic.
Your parents think you're a worthless freak who'll never amount to anything.
That's why they sent you here.
Oh, yes! Ah, sweet! Okay.
Holy crap.
I can see through floors now? Who's Christine talking to? It's working.
I am Becoming.
That makes me so happy, my angel.
If you're happy, I'm happy.
You are one of the special ones.
Some of us are special, some of us are not.
Jonas was not.
About that, um I'm getting a-a scooch concerned about the whole Jonas situation.
Ah, not that I would ever doubt your plans, oh, infallible one.
I-I am so grateful for your divine intervention.
I-it's just people will start to ask questions.
And those questions could lead to investigations.
I see.
Gather up some parchment.
Compose a letter from Jonas that he has left to find his fortunes elsewhere.
Our work is too important to be interrupted by mortal authorities.
And what is our work exactly? We're going to create a brave new world to our liking, together, you and I.
And I'll need some recruits for our work.
Can you handle that? That's my specialty.
Ho Nice dismount.
So graceful.
Of course you're here! Like I have a choice? You've met my mom.
Yeah, she's, um A raging she-devil.
Well, I wasn't going to say that to your face, heh.
You come here to rescue your other half? Uh, yes.
Well, you're just in time.
They haven't started on her yet.
You're a good friend.
- Whoo! - Hallelujah.
Stop! Just shut up and leave me alone! Oh, hell no.
This ends right now.
Hey, hot stuff! Our ride's here.
Let's bounce! - Hey! - Get him! Get back here! Nice.
What the hell, Lilly? You're supposed to be rescuing me, not making small talk with the enemy.
Ah, I was just about to come find you.
Okay, well, where's the car? We need to be elsewhere ASAP.
I brought my bike.
Why? Stupid Brutus and his stupid training.
He sabotaged the car to, I don't know, teach us resilience, or something.
Maybe y'all should get a tandem bike.
I mean, it's not like you guys can get any less lame.
Okay, nobody asked you, Princess McBitchface.
Hm.
Whatever.
Later, losers.
Okay, we should probably go and unt-hay the onster-may? Right.
Okay, gimme a sec.
Hey.
You-you okay to walk home? Yeah, go ahead.
I'm good.
Well, I'm not exactly good, but Yeah, things got pretty crazy in there.
Mm-hm.
I'm just pissed I let them get to me.
Thank you for busting me out, by the way.
Okay.
Hey, hey! Do you still want to go out? What? It's just, you're such a badass.
Also, I'd understand if you want to back out, you know.
I-I know crying in front of a bunch of youth group pricks isn't exactly what lady boners are made of, so But that ass definitely is! We are so still on.
He just asked me out.
You see that? Okay, come on! Let's go.
Sorry.
Should I wave goodbye all sexy? I'm pretty sure nothing about this is sexy.
Whoa, so you can see through the floor? That's so cool! I mean, it was pretty blurry, but I definitely saw Christine.
I couldn't make out who she was with, but they were wearing some kind of statement necklace.
Well, I'm glad at least one of us has a cooler power than my random leg I can't control.
Ooh, I meant to tell you, Sparrow had a near miss, too.
- Whoa.
- Oh, what happened? Well, he got attacked by ginormous bees during lunch.
He didn't get eaten so something must have scared it off.
Huh.
Wait Where did we just come in? The gym, I think? Shit.
I think it's here for me.
Let's play! Oh, oh.
Oh, my God.
Aw Come out and play! Ah, hurry! It's just like that scene in Jurassic Park.
I couldn't sleep for weeks.
I just kept dreaming about the veloci - Shh! - Don't say it! Don't even think it! Okay, okay! What are we gonna do? We can't hide here forever.
I can't think with you panicking at me! Wait, okay.
Aaahhh.
Sorry.
Didn't know there was anybody in here.
He disappeared when I got to the caf.
Grease the hinges What is it? Hold on.
Okay, what the hell are you doing? Oh, God.
You think we're going to die.
You're calling Sparrow to say goodbye because you think - we're going to die! - We're not gonna die! Hey, I was just thinking about you.
Did you have mayo on your lunch today? Uh I think so? Yeah, it was a BLT.
Thank you.
Also, did you get home okay? Yeah, I'm almost there.
Hey, why do you sound like you're choking? Got no time.
Talk later! It's mayo! The answer is mayo! Great, now you've lost your mind.
No.
Okay, I know what to do.
Can you hold him off? Astrid, I don't I-I can't.
Lilly, you're a fierce queen bitch who eats monsters for breakfast.
Where's Tearjerker right now, hm? Dead! That's where.
What about Razor? Also super dead! - You did that.
- I did? Nope, no, no, no, no.
Not going to cut it.
Who did that? I did that.
Yes.
Now, let's get that leg in the game! Go, go, go, go! - Lilly! - I can do this.
Whoa, I got this.
I can do this.
I can do this.
You wanna play, shitbird? Let's play.
Lilly, I'm coming! Is that all you got? I could do this all day! You You may have bested me, but just remember: dodgeball lasts forever.
Dodgeball only lasts through high school, jerk.
Oh! Wait, aren't we supposed to get its amygdala? That's in its brain! Crap.
Do you think we got it all? Guess we'll find out.
Ugh - Okay.
- All right.
Oh, can I just say you were awesome back there.
Like-like Trinity in The Matrix.
Back at you.
Charging in, screaming like some creamy, eggy Valkyrie.
Ahh! Hello, my little entranced pets.
I am becoming, and will be whole soon.
For when that happens, I need you to help me build something very important, something I couldn't bring with me from home.
Anything, ancient one.
We are ready to serve.
Of course you are.
But, for now, leave me.
I'm hungry.
- Caf or yard? - Ooh, yard.
- It's so nice outside.
- Hm.
Have you heard anything from Brutus? Nope.
No congratulations, no thank you.
He says we can trust him, but then he goes completely AWOL, like Hey, twatwaffle.
How's your imaginary boyfriend? Look.
Hey, there, girlfriend.
It is I, your very human boyfriend.
Too much.
This is Brutus.
Mm-hm.
He's in college.
Hm.
That was awesome.
I figured I owed you two.
After you faced your fears, and slayed the Timoring.
The least I could do is show up.
Now what's for lunch.
You guys have a time allocated to lunch, don't you? Ew! No.
What do you call this? The sandwich? Tuna salad.
Tuna salad.
It's amazing.
Oh, so glad you like it.
Know what's not amazing? - Breaking my car.
- That was a training lesson! It is never happening again, capisce? - You guys are no fun.
- Hm.
So, tell me about the Timoring.
What did it manifest for you? Oh, dodgeball monster.
- Mm-hm.
- Pure nightmare fuel.
And you? Nothing.
Didn't work on me.
Hm.
That's weird.
The only way that would happen is if you've already survived your worst fear.
So, I guess it wasn't the velociraptors.
Can't imagine what it was.