Barely Famous (2015) s01e03 Episode Script
Favorite Socks
1 Okay, sweetie.
Yogurt, granola and strawberries! I'm allergic to strawberries.
You're allergic to strawberries? Yeah.
Okay.
That's okay.
I wish your mommy would have told us that when you auditioned.
[producer's voice.]
Stand by.
I need a new kid.
Granola, strawberries and yogurt! Am I the best mommy in the world? I want my Dada.
You want your Dada.
Okay.
This won't work either.
So what's the solution here? I need another kid.
Just make it work.
I can't make it work.
[producer's voice.]
Sara, why don't you want to work with your real daughter? That's not up for discussion.
You're the best mom ever.
You've been practicing.
Mm-hm! I love it.
My mom's a teen mom.
Yes.
Okay.
I don't have a nanny.
Exactly.
Hi, Auntie Erin.
Hey.
What is this? We've had a little hiccup with casting.
And you're comfortable playing a little girl? Yeah.
Uh-oh, your real daughter's walking in.
Okay.
This is awkward.
So now we have two- You know, I just leave your hands there.
Why? Well, the situation is is that you're not, you're not SAG.
[laughs.]
Come on, let's go.
[exhales.]
That was awkward.
Yeah.
Between you and I Mm-hm.
You're a better actor than Sara.
Yeah, I know.
You drove that scene.
Yeah.
- This feels more natural actually- - Yeah! Just working with you.
Mm-hm, yeah.
Mm-hm.
Definitely.
Motherhood? Motherhood.
[producer's voice.]
What kind of mom are you? You know, I really don't like to talk about my personal life.
[producer's voice.]
Sara, this show is about your personal life.
I will say, I'm a really fun mom.
You know, I feel like I'm gonna be the mom that when I take my kid to school, all the kids will be like, 'Oh my God! It's it's the mom that we love!' I feel like you're the kind of mom where like your daughter's always like, 'Why is mommy always sleeping?' 'Wake up, mommy.
' Cheers to motherhood.
The most gratifying The most exhausting job in the world.
Is it exhausting? I'm exhausted 24-7.
[laughs.]
It's so weird, I mean, I find that my children just give me more energy.
Oh, interesting.
Especially when we started meditating together because you do hit the deepest form of sleep, it's much more restful.
You guys meditate? We meditate as a family.
Nicole's one of those people she's so down to earth.
She's so normal.
I always forget that Nicole's a celebrity.
She's so sweet, and a great mom.
Really good mom.
Where do they go to school? They go to Inner Smile, it's amazing.
It's like impossible to get into.
Impossible.
Oh my God.
Did you just say that your kids are going to Inner Smile? They are! Do you know someone that goes there? Do I know someone who goes there? What do mea I'm going there! This is so great! We can do That is so interesting.
It's like unbelievable, it's like almost not believable.
They only accept one person a year, so that's really And that was us! Inner Smile is by far the best school in Los Angeles and my daughter deserves the best.
And I will do whatever it takes for her to have everything she could ever want.
Parents in L.
A.
make such a big deal about what school they get their kid into like these kids are like three years old and they're like freaking out, bragging about where their kid gets to like take a nap.
It's like, who cares, they're three.
I'm very, very proud.
Yeah.
It's we're so excited.
Very impressed.
Did she do the internship over the summer? She did.
She worked for a a doctor.
Whoa.
I did not know that.
Cheers to the old friendships.
To the cool kids! Yeah.
Hi! It's so good to see you! You too! What's going on, what's new? You know, just wanna work so Uh, right? No one wants you to work more than this guy.
Okay.
My manager Frank is really cool, but he should be bringing me opportunities and he's always like, 'Have you written anything?' and I'm like 'Have you gotten me a meeting?' He wants me to be the pilot and I want to be the co-pilot and he is like the stewardess at this point.
He's not even the stewardess by the way, he's like the weird dude that takes the ticket.
At this point, he's just a passenger who's like bummed about having to go somewhere.
Can I be honest with you? Yes.
I set up these great meetings for you and you show up and you're like, - 'Hey I'm this beautiful, attractive- - Yeah! confident girl.
' but then it all falls apart and you do something really embarrassing or stupid and self-sabotage the entire thing.
Right.
That time I got you that meeting with Judd Apatow and then you drank his iced tea.
I am a firm believer that drinks are not like a non-shareable thing.
I love that about you.
But you just need to stop it.
Should I go through the list? Let's do it.
Uh, Warner Brothers just bought the rights to book about a girl who grew up in the music industry and Courteney Cox is attached to produce.
That sounds perfect.
That's literally my life story.
And I love Courteney Cox, Monica was always my favorite character on Friends.
I love this passion, I love what I'm seeing from you.
Yeah! You know what, I'm going to submit you for this project.
Okay.
And you gotta promise me something though.
What? When you go to meet with Courteney, don't do anything crazy.
I'm charming Frank.
You forget that about me.
You don't show it a lot.
Well I'm taking this pen.
Hi.
How are you? Um, I would love to set up an interview with the Dean.
Oh, okay, well you don't just walk in and set up an interview with the Dean here.
Oh, really? Okay.
Ah, well, what do I need to do? Do I need to get on a list or ? You need to be on a list, yes.
Oh, perfect okay.
So how do I be on the list? Well, you're either on the list or you're not on the list that's how it works.
So can you tell me if I if I am on the list? No, I can't.
But I can tell you that you are not on the list.
Hey, Esther, I'm off to teach Mrs.
O'Leary's Japanese class.
Got it, I'll hold your calls Dean.
Oh! Dean? Hello, hi how are you? I'm Sara Foster, it's so nice to meet you.
Wonderful to meet you as well.
I am a woman who will stop at nothing.
When I make the decision that I want something watch out world.
I'm coming.
Oh.
That sounded bad.
Sorry, this bag isn't going with you to Courteney Cox's house.
Why? Because it's a fake bag.
I want to tell you, you did a great job with your pitch.
I think you have great ideas - and I'd love to talk to you more.
- Thank you Sara, it's so nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you as well.
Gorgeous school-oh, sorry! I have a daughter, so I would love- Okay.
Oh! I forgot I had these on, I just I read so much, like trilogies.
I just finished "50 Shades of Grey," the third part.
Of course you did.
So I'm gonna have to go and teach the children.
Oh no Thank you.
I love children! Wait.
I love children.
I feel like that went well.
Um so, you heard the woman.
Yeah, thank you.
Set up the interview.
It doesn't work like that.
Hello? Abbey, who do I have to sleep with to get her into this school? I'll do it, I'm fine, I'll do it.
You could have Erin do it for you, isn't that what she does? That's a good idea.
My assistant Abbey is my lifeline, she's my eyes, she's my ears, she's my mouth and we have the ball in motion, to get my child into Inner Smile.
Oh my God, they're doing a meet and greet for the kids via Skype with the astronauts in the International Space Station.
This is amazing! This is crazy.
This is where she needs to go! Oh! They're having a silent auction fundraiser.
Why don't you just donate something? What do I have that I could donate? Hi guys.
Ugh.
Abbey sees me as an obstacle for how to get closer to Sara.
I think that she wants to scoot closer and scoot closer until she's sitting on her lap and that's still not close enough and then just she crawls inside of her and lives upside her bleep ass.
Understandable.
You, uh donating yourself to Goodwill today? What's happening? [laughs.]
No, I'm going to Courteney's house.
Courteney Cox Er, I know you love those socks but- Okay, Sara.
You cannot wear those socks to Courteney Cox's house.
Who cares they're cute, they're blue, they peek out, they're soft, they're my favorite, I love them.
I hope you get the job.
Me too.
Okay.
Do you think it'll like keep you out of the house more, this job? Sorry, this bag isn't going with you to Courteney Cox's house.
Why? Gimme my bag! Because it's a fake bag.
Okay, yes it's a fake purse, but no one can tell.
- You're not taking this to Courteney Cox's house.
- I can tell.
No one can tell! I can tell.
Erin.
What? I have this bag.
The real one.
Yeah.
I'm sure- It's a $5,000 bag.
By the way, put them side by side and tell the difference.
Great idea.
Abbey, get my bag.
Okay.
This is a fake Louis Vuitton.
I know that it's fake, but no one else can tell.
Dad brought it back for me from Malaysia.
Put it there.
When you're wearing those socks with it, you can tell it's fake.
That has nothing to do with it.
Look.
Look at the difference.
Close your eyes, I'm gonna switch the bags around.
Okay, which one's yours? That one.
Thank you.
You don't even know what I did.
This is what I'm donating to the school.
[gasps.]
- A $5,000 bag.
- Genius! You're not taking that bag.
But you can go.
[producer's voice.]
Let's roll cameras please.
So Erin, let's talk about how Courteney Cox would not let us inside her gate to shoot your meeting.
Can ya blame her? Guys? I mean that was super bold for you all to show up at Courteney Cox's house.
Well I told them to, I was-it was like, I tried to just make it casual.
I thought that would be like sort like of not a big thing, but I realize now that it probably wasn't the best idea.
You know, she has some weird quirks.
I would say, like her house everything is like, white.
You walk in the door and you immediately feel like you're making something dirty just by like existing.
And she was like, 'No shoes please.
' Like, 'Okay, whatever.
' And then she was like, 'Also, no socks.
' So, I had to take my socks off and I had to like stand for like 45 seconds in warm water and it was weird.
Anyway, the meeting was great.
I will say she has an obnoxiously long driveway.
What is the point of having a driveway that long? I wish that I'd had running shoes and like a water bottle and a fanny pack and like a hat 'cause it was a journey.
Hi.
How did it go? Okay, it went really well.
Are you serious? Yeah, like I think I got the job.
No! Oh, shoot, I just noticed that I left my socks in there.
Who cares if you left your socks there.
Hold on, I'm gonna call you right back.
'Cause I'm just gonna buzz and say that I left my socks.
This is Courteney Cox, you can't just go ring her gate, she said goodbye to you, no? [through speaker phone.]
Well, why not? If it was anybody else I would go back.
But it's anybody else, it's Courteney Cox! You can't.
No, she's really nice, she'll be totally cool about it.
I'm just gonna ask for my socks back.
If you left your child there, it's like an option.
This is not an option.
Okay.
Fine, I won't do it.
I'm not gonna say anything.
All right.
I want you to get in your car and I want you to take video of you driving away and I want you to send it to me.
Goodbye.
Hello? I left a pair of socks at your house.
They have ducks on them and they're blue and they're kind of hard to miss.
I have not seen any socks that are not mine No? [voice through speaker.]
Hello? Hiii! It's Erin Foster! [voice on speaker.]
Oh, okay.
I actually just left my socks in there? [voice on speaker.]
Your what? Your socks? Yeah, they have ducks on them they're like right by the front door.
I'm happy to run down and get them, they're just [voice on speaker.]
I'll try to find them.
Thank you so much! Oh, hi! Okay, I'm so sorry, thank you so much! Here's your sock.
That's not- It's disgusting.
Sorry, that's not my sock.
That's an athletic sock.
What are you talking about? My socks are blue.
No, no, no.
I'm actually confused as to what you are talking about because I literally walked 14 miles up from the house to bring you this sock.
But, do you see ducks on this sock? Because that's what I said to you was that there was ducks on the sock Why don't I write you a check? For $4.
50, you can go up the street, if you go up the street, take a right- Uh-huh.
And then take another left, you'll see CVS? Is that where Sedona is- No, no, no because that's where my mom bought me these socks.
That's not where Sedona is, that's actually where CVS is so you can buy a new pair of socks.
Before you keep talking- Uh-huh.
Let me just stop you right there.
I have a lot of stuff to do today.
Okay, I'm very, very busy.
All right, thank you so much.
No, no! Allison! One second! One second! One second! My socks back I think it's awkward when something feels really important to you, but to someone else it looks like a mundane thing.
You know and it's like you try to make me look crazy, give me the socks back and then this is all cool.
You okay? Was that the question you asked? I need you here for me, I need you present, you need to be my wingman and your energy is like bringing me down.
I just want to let you know, I'm not wearing socks today.
'Cause I'm like grieving loss.
How long do I have to hear about the socks? Could be weeks.
[exhales.]
Ugghh.
.
kill me, kill me, kill me.
Hi.
Hi.
Okay, take the glasses off.
No one's buying it.
Yeah, put 'em on your collar.
That's good.
Excuse me everyone, can I have your attention for a minute? Of course!! Great! Thank you so much for coming to our annual backyard charity event.
Just to let you know the charity auction is ending in a few minutes so everyone get their last bids in and once again every dollar counts.
Money, money, money.
[whispers.]
Especially for our children.
Thank you so much for coming.
You're welcome.
[muffled clapping.]
She's so sweet.
She looks like she needs to get laid.
Hey, excuse me.
Do you ladies know about this bag? Who donated it or who's responsible for the ? Me.
[laughs.]
I donated the bag.
Oh.
We're at $20,000.
Yeah, I saw that.
You know if I could just maybe [mouths silently.]
talk to you privately.
Of course.
[whispers.]
About the bag.
Oh, of course like a yeah, sure.
[whispers.]
Like a pow-wow Yeah.
If you will.
[whispers.]
That bag is fake.
What's that? [whispering.]
You donated a knock-off for the school auction? No, no.
Yeah Oooh.
I'm a buyer for Barney's and I can tell you right now that my expertise is in handbags and accessories and there's nothing real about that bag at all.
This is a crazy misunderstanding.
I have never bought a fake bag in my life, she Hi.
has bought fake bags.
Yeah.
This is her fake bag.
Mine.
Hold on, I just, I switched them by accident.
It's just not really the way Inner Smile We're at $20,000.
Do you want to be responsible for killing this whole situation? It's essentially plagiarism.
I have a hundred and- No, that's very uncomfortable for me.
Forty two dollars.
I just wish she'd stop touching me at this point, really but Yeah.
You're not going to mention this to anybody are you? Okay.
But thank you so much, that was super informative.
All right.
Thank you so much.
Well, it looked like you grabbed my bag instead of yours.
Told you, that you couldn't tell the difference.
I blame you for this.
Me? Interesting.
Oh, my God.
Courteney Cox is here.
When I saw Courteney Cox, I got super excited cause I really want to be friends with her.
She would be great for my career.
Are you gonna go? Yeah, I'm gonna talk to her.
Go talk to her and you know, keep it cool.
[purposefully.]
Yeah, no I'm gonna talk to her.
No, no! No, no! Okay.
No, no.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
I swear to God if you embarrass me at this school function, you will be evicted.
I'm not going to embarrass you.
Yes, you will.
This is serendipitous that she's here.
Homeless.
Okay.
I gotta go, I gotta go.
I gotta talk to Courteney.
Okay.
Courteney! If you left your socks at mom's house, if you left your socks at your best friend's house, like sure but when you leave your socks at one of the biggest television stars of our time If I left something that's mine, why can't I just say, 'Hey, left that thing.
Thank you, can I come I grab this?' You don't get it and I just don't- I don't get it.
And you never will.
Hi! What brings you here? Oh, my sister's trying to get her kid into this school.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
I want to tell you, you did a great job with your pitch.
I think you have great ideas and I'd love to talk to you more.
Thank you.
That's really well, I'd be really honored to work on the project with you.
I've actually been wanting to get a hold of you because I left a pair of socks at your house.
And I like talked to your assistant about it and- And she couldn't find them? No, she couldn't find them, but they have ducks on them and they're blue and they're like kind of hard to miss.
[Courteney laughs.]
And so I was just wondering if you've seen them around at your house.
I've not seen any socks that- No? Are not mine at least.
[laughs.]
Right, okay.
All right.
Maybe- Sorry, yeah.
Maybe I had it maybe I had it um.
So you've never seen those socks before? The blue ones with the yellow ducks? I have not seen your socks.
[laughs.]
The blue ones with the yellow ducks.
Sorry I'm harping on you it's just weird cause you're wearing them.
[whispering.]
Um, Erin, these are not your socks.
I know but they're also not yours 'cause they're mine.
These are my socks and you're acting really erratic right now.
Mm-hm.
And it's making me uncomfortable.
Okay.
So it doesn't really bode well for our future working relationship.
Right, well let's not talk about the future working relationship.
Let's just talk right now about the socks that you stole from me.
They're not your socks.
They have ducks on them and they're blue! These aren't even ducks.
Take the shoe off! Get your hand off my shoe! No, take the shoe off! Oh my God.
Let go of the socks and let go of my shoe.
One of the socks has a hole in the side so I'd like you take your shoe off and show me.
Take my shoe off.
Okay, great.
No, no I said-oh my, God.
[gasps.]
Look at that.
That is a hole.
That is the hole.
[nervous laughter.]
Busted.
Those are my socks.
I mean what kind of crazy person says they've never seen a pair of socks before and actually stole my socks.
They're mine.
Okay.
Great.
Of course they're yours.
You are too much.
Well you are really, really something, huh? Here you want your sock? Here.
Yeah, I do want my sock.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Fine.
Can I have the other one? The left one is 100% mine.
Taking the left sock that is low.
That is so low but I'll take the one that I have.
Mrs.
Foster? I just wanted to personally thank you so much for your donation.
Your bag raised over $20,000 for the school.
That's that is crazy, actually.
I know.
I'm gonna have my assistant set up an interview appointment with you next week.
Dean, if you'll allow me.
My expertise is in handbags, as you know I'm a buyer.
This is what we'd call a "Louis Fou-ton.
" Fake.
Okay.
This is just a crazy misunderstanding.
And I'm happy to explain it to you.
That's a fake? Yeah.
It's certainly not worth $15-20,000- That's let alone the $142 she tried to bribe me with.
That's a vicious lie.
That is a lie.
And you know it.
You're turning red.
I think this is You're lying.
Very uncomfortable for everyone here.
I'm uncomfortable.
Clearly, you're not what we're looking for and I think it's best if you go and you don't come back and you can forget about that appointment.
Okay? Okay.
We're just gonna grab one more of those little chocolate cake things and then we're leaving.
You can leave.
Mommy has bad news.
You're not getting into Inner Smile, but the good news is you're going to public school down the street.
And you are gonna to have the character I've always wanted you to have.
Are you as excited as mommy is? I mean, if I were you, I would just tell her the truth.
You know? Are you kidding? Like there's gonna be 100 kids in your class, your teacher's not gonna know your name, your textbooks are gonna be used, you're gonna get your ass kicked three days a week, but it's gonna build character and that's important.
So that part was true.
But don't say any of the rest of it.
Do I need to home school her? But for real, I do not want her going to Inner Smile with these a-hole kids.
Like they are so spoiled, they are such brats.
They all turn out to be losers.
Yeah, totally homeschooling her will make sure she's not a brat or a loser.
Getting feedback's really fun.
Oh, God.
I'm nervous.
Unlikeable is a word nobody would ever use to describe me.
'I don't pop.
' Is the dumbest note I've ever gotten.
I'm Rich.
I'm Erin.
I'd like to take you out.
You get asked out, where does it come from? Going out with your camera crew and a guy in a wheelchair asks you out, you can't say no because you're being filmed.
Are you guys on like a date? Yeah, yeah we are.
Wow.
I'm here to see Rachel.
What's going on? I have a big event.
What do you have that will just show it all? I want you to see my abs, I want you to see my ass.
I'm okay with a little nipple.
[photographers shouting/overlapping.]
How do you do it all, Molly? Sara! Who are you again? Molly's best friends.
Does she show up looking like a hooker to your events? Can't hear you, with all the noises and Totally.
Yogurt, granola and strawberries! I'm allergic to strawberries.
You're allergic to strawberries? Yeah.
Okay.
That's okay.
I wish your mommy would have told us that when you auditioned.
[producer's voice.]
Stand by.
I need a new kid.
Granola, strawberries and yogurt! Am I the best mommy in the world? I want my Dada.
You want your Dada.
Okay.
This won't work either.
So what's the solution here? I need another kid.
Just make it work.
I can't make it work.
[producer's voice.]
Sara, why don't you want to work with your real daughter? That's not up for discussion.
You're the best mom ever.
You've been practicing.
Mm-hm! I love it.
My mom's a teen mom.
Yes.
Okay.
I don't have a nanny.
Exactly.
Hi, Auntie Erin.
Hey.
What is this? We've had a little hiccup with casting.
And you're comfortable playing a little girl? Yeah.
Uh-oh, your real daughter's walking in.
Okay.
This is awkward.
So now we have two- You know, I just leave your hands there.
Why? Well, the situation is is that you're not, you're not SAG.
[laughs.]
Come on, let's go.
[exhales.]
That was awkward.
Yeah.
Between you and I Mm-hm.
You're a better actor than Sara.
Yeah, I know.
You drove that scene.
Yeah.
- This feels more natural actually- - Yeah! Just working with you.
Mm-hm, yeah.
Mm-hm.
Definitely.
Motherhood? Motherhood.
[producer's voice.]
What kind of mom are you? You know, I really don't like to talk about my personal life.
[producer's voice.]
Sara, this show is about your personal life.
I will say, I'm a really fun mom.
You know, I feel like I'm gonna be the mom that when I take my kid to school, all the kids will be like, 'Oh my God! It's it's the mom that we love!' I feel like you're the kind of mom where like your daughter's always like, 'Why is mommy always sleeping?' 'Wake up, mommy.
' Cheers to motherhood.
The most gratifying The most exhausting job in the world.
Is it exhausting? I'm exhausted 24-7.
[laughs.]
It's so weird, I mean, I find that my children just give me more energy.
Oh, interesting.
Especially when we started meditating together because you do hit the deepest form of sleep, it's much more restful.
You guys meditate? We meditate as a family.
Nicole's one of those people she's so down to earth.
She's so normal.
I always forget that Nicole's a celebrity.
She's so sweet, and a great mom.
Really good mom.
Where do they go to school? They go to Inner Smile, it's amazing.
It's like impossible to get into.
Impossible.
Oh my God.
Did you just say that your kids are going to Inner Smile? They are! Do you know someone that goes there? Do I know someone who goes there? What do mea I'm going there! This is so great! We can do That is so interesting.
It's like unbelievable, it's like almost not believable.
They only accept one person a year, so that's really And that was us! Inner Smile is by far the best school in Los Angeles and my daughter deserves the best.
And I will do whatever it takes for her to have everything she could ever want.
Parents in L.
A.
make such a big deal about what school they get their kid into like these kids are like three years old and they're like freaking out, bragging about where their kid gets to like take a nap.
It's like, who cares, they're three.
I'm very, very proud.
Yeah.
It's we're so excited.
Very impressed.
Did she do the internship over the summer? She did.
She worked for a a doctor.
Whoa.
I did not know that.
Cheers to the old friendships.
To the cool kids! Yeah.
Hi! It's so good to see you! You too! What's going on, what's new? You know, just wanna work so Uh, right? No one wants you to work more than this guy.
Okay.
My manager Frank is really cool, but he should be bringing me opportunities and he's always like, 'Have you written anything?' and I'm like 'Have you gotten me a meeting?' He wants me to be the pilot and I want to be the co-pilot and he is like the stewardess at this point.
He's not even the stewardess by the way, he's like the weird dude that takes the ticket.
At this point, he's just a passenger who's like bummed about having to go somewhere.
Can I be honest with you? Yes.
I set up these great meetings for you and you show up and you're like, - 'Hey I'm this beautiful, attractive- - Yeah! confident girl.
' but then it all falls apart and you do something really embarrassing or stupid and self-sabotage the entire thing.
Right.
That time I got you that meeting with Judd Apatow and then you drank his iced tea.
I am a firm believer that drinks are not like a non-shareable thing.
I love that about you.
But you just need to stop it.
Should I go through the list? Let's do it.
Uh, Warner Brothers just bought the rights to book about a girl who grew up in the music industry and Courteney Cox is attached to produce.
That sounds perfect.
That's literally my life story.
And I love Courteney Cox, Monica was always my favorite character on Friends.
I love this passion, I love what I'm seeing from you.
Yeah! You know what, I'm going to submit you for this project.
Okay.
And you gotta promise me something though.
What? When you go to meet with Courteney, don't do anything crazy.
I'm charming Frank.
You forget that about me.
You don't show it a lot.
Well I'm taking this pen.
Hi.
How are you? Um, I would love to set up an interview with the Dean.
Oh, okay, well you don't just walk in and set up an interview with the Dean here.
Oh, really? Okay.
Ah, well, what do I need to do? Do I need to get on a list or ? You need to be on a list, yes.
Oh, perfect okay.
So how do I be on the list? Well, you're either on the list or you're not on the list that's how it works.
So can you tell me if I if I am on the list? No, I can't.
But I can tell you that you are not on the list.
Hey, Esther, I'm off to teach Mrs.
O'Leary's Japanese class.
Got it, I'll hold your calls Dean.
Oh! Dean? Hello, hi how are you? I'm Sara Foster, it's so nice to meet you.
Wonderful to meet you as well.
I am a woman who will stop at nothing.
When I make the decision that I want something watch out world.
I'm coming.
Oh.
That sounded bad.
Sorry, this bag isn't going with you to Courteney Cox's house.
Why? Because it's a fake bag.
I want to tell you, you did a great job with your pitch.
I think you have great ideas - and I'd love to talk to you more.
- Thank you Sara, it's so nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you as well.
Gorgeous school-oh, sorry! I have a daughter, so I would love- Okay.
Oh! I forgot I had these on, I just I read so much, like trilogies.
I just finished "50 Shades of Grey," the third part.
Of course you did.
So I'm gonna have to go and teach the children.
Oh no Thank you.
I love children! Wait.
I love children.
I feel like that went well.
Um so, you heard the woman.
Yeah, thank you.
Set up the interview.
It doesn't work like that.
Hello? Abbey, who do I have to sleep with to get her into this school? I'll do it, I'm fine, I'll do it.
You could have Erin do it for you, isn't that what she does? That's a good idea.
My assistant Abbey is my lifeline, she's my eyes, she's my ears, she's my mouth and we have the ball in motion, to get my child into Inner Smile.
Oh my God, they're doing a meet and greet for the kids via Skype with the astronauts in the International Space Station.
This is amazing! This is crazy.
This is where she needs to go! Oh! They're having a silent auction fundraiser.
Why don't you just donate something? What do I have that I could donate? Hi guys.
Ugh.
Abbey sees me as an obstacle for how to get closer to Sara.
I think that she wants to scoot closer and scoot closer until she's sitting on her lap and that's still not close enough and then just she crawls inside of her and lives upside her bleep ass.
Understandable.
You, uh donating yourself to Goodwill today? What's happening? [laughs.]
No, I'm going to Courteney's house.
Courteney Cox Er, I know you love those socks but- Okay, Sara.
You cannot wear those socks to Courteney Cox's house.
Who cares they're cute, they're blue, they peek out, they're soft, they're my favorite, I love them.
I hope you get the job.
Me too.
Okay.
Do you think it'll like keep you out of the house more, this job? Sorry, this bag isn't going with you to Courteney Cox's house.
Why? Gimme my bag! Because it's a fake bag.
Okay, yes it's a fake purse, but no one can tell.
- You're not taking this to Courteney Cox's house.
- I can tell.
No one can tell! I can tell.
Erin.
What? I have this bag.
The real one.
Yeah.
I'm sure- It's a $5,000 bag.
By the way, put them side by side and tell the difference.
Great idea.
Abbey, get my bag.
Okay.
This is a fake Louis Vuitton.
I know that it's fake, but no one else can tell.
Dad brought it back for me from Malaysia.
Put it there.
When you're wearing those socks with it, you can tell it's fake.
That has nothing to do with it.
Look.
Look at the difference.
Close your eyes, I'm gonna switch the bags around.
Okay, which one's yours? That one.
Thank you.
You don't even know what I did.
This is what I'm donating to the school.
[gasps.]
- A $5,000 bag.
- Genius! You're not taking that bag.
But you can go.
[producer's voice.]
Let's roll cameras please.
So Erin, let's talk about how Courteney Cox would not let us inside her gate to shoot your meeting.
Can ya blame her? Guys? I mean that was super bold for you all to show up at Courteney Cox's house.
Well I told them to, I was-it was like, I tried to just make it casual.
I thought that would be like sort like of not a big thing, but I realize now that it probably wasn't the best idea.
You know, she has some weird quirks.
I would say, like her house everything is like, white.
You walk in the door and you immediately feel like you're making something dirty just by like existing.
And she was like, 'No shoes please.
' Like, 'Okay, whatever.
' And then she was like, 'Also, no socks.
' So, I had to take my socks off and I had to like stand for like 45 seconds in warm water and it was weird.
Anyway, the meeting was great.
I will say she has an obnoxiously long driveway.
What is the point of having a driveway that long? I wish that I'd had running shoes and like a water bottle and a fanny pack and like a hat 'cause it was a journey.
Hi.
How did it go? Okay, it went really well.
Are you serious? Yeah, like I think I got the job.
No! Oh, shoot, I just noticed that I left my socks in there.
Who cares if you left your socks there.
Hold on, I'm gonna call you right back.
'Cause I'm just gonna buzz and say that I left my socks.
This is Courteney Cox, you can't just go ring her gate, she said goodbye to you, no? [through speaker phone.]
Well, why not? If it was anybody else I would go back.
But it's anybody else, it's Courteney Cox! You can't.
No, she's really nice, she'll be totally cool about it.
I'm just gonna ask for my socks back.
If you left your child there, it's like an option.
This is not an option.
Okay.
Fine, I won't do it.
I'm not gonna say anything.
All right.
I want you to get in your car and I want you to take video of you driving away and I want you to send it to me.
Goodbye.
Hello? I left a pair of socks at your house.
They have ducks on them and they're blue and they're kind of hard to miss.
I have not seen any socks that are not mine No? [voice through speaker.]
Hello? Hiii! It's Erin Foster! [voice on speaker.]
Oh, okay.
I actually just left my socks in there? [voice on speaker.]
Your what? Your socks? Yeah, they have ducks on them they're like right by the front door.
I'm happy to run down and get them, they're just [voice on speaker.]
I'll try to find them.
Thank you so much! Oh, hi! Okay, I'm so sorry, thank you so much! Here's your sock.
That's not- It's disgusting.
Sorry, that's not my sock.
That's an athletic sock.
What are you talking about? My socks are blue.
No, no, no.
I'm actually confused as to what you are talking about because I literally walked 14 miles up from the house to bring you this sock.
But, do you see ducks on this sock? Because that's what I said to you was that there was ducks on the sock Why don't I write you a check? For $4.
50, you can go up the street, if you go up the street, take a right- Uh-huh.
And then take another left, you'll see CVS? Is that where Sedona is- No, no, no because that's where my mom bought me these socks.
That's not where Sedona is, that's actually where CVS is so you can buy a new pair of socks.
Before you keep talking- Uh-huh.
Let me just stop you right there.
I have a lot of stuff to do today.
Okay, I'm very, very busy.
All right, thank you so much.
No, no! Allison! One second! One second! One second! My socks back I think it's awkward when something feels really important to you, but to someone else it looks like a mundane thing.
You know and it's like you try to make me look crazy, give me the socks back and then this is all cool.
You okay? Was that the question you asked? I need you here for me, I need you present, you need to be my wingman and your energy is like bringing me down.
I just want to let you know, I'm not wearing socks today.
'Cause I'm like grieving loss.
How long do I have to hear about the socks? Could be weeks.
[exhales.]
Ugghh.
.
kill me, kill me, kill me.
Hi.
Hi.
Okay, take the glasses off.
No one's buying it.
Yeah, put 'em on your collar.
That's good.
Excuse me everyone, can I have your attention for a minute? Of course!! Great! Thank you so much for coming to our annual backyard charity event.
Just to let you know the charity auction is ending in a few minutes so everyone get their last bids in and once again every dollar counts.
Money, money, money.
[whispers.]
Especially for our children.
Thank you so much for coming.
You're welcome.
[muffled clapping.]
She's so sweet.
She looks like she needs to get laid.
Hey, excuse me.
Do you ladies know about this bag? Who donated it or who's responsible for the ? Me.
[laughs.]
I donated the bag.
Oh.
We're at $20,000.
Yeah, I saw that.
You know if I could just maybe [mouths silently.]
talk to you privately.
Of course.
[whispers.]
About the bag.
Oh, of course like a yeah, sure.
[whispers.]
Like a pow-wow Yeah.
If you will.
[whispers.]
That bag is fake.
What's that? [whispering.]
You donated a knock-off for the school auction? No, no.
Yeah Oooh.
I'm a buyer for Barney's and I can tell you right now that my expertise is in handbags and accessories and there's nothing real about that bag at all.
This is a crazy misunderstanding.
I have never bought a fake bag in my life, she Hi.
has bought fake bags.
Yeah.
This is her fake bag.
Mine.
Hold on, I just, I switched them by accident.
It's just not really the way Inner Smile We're at $20,000.
Do you want to be responsible for killing this whole situation? It's essentially plagiarism.
I have a hundred and- No, that's very uncomfortable for me.
Forty two dollars.
I just wish she'd stop touching me at this point, really but Yeah.
You're not going to mention this to anybody are you? Okay.
But thank you so much, that was super informative.
All right.
Thank you so much.
Well, it looked like you grabbed my bag instead of yours.
Told you, that you couldn't tell the difference.
I blame you for this.
Me? Interesting.
Oh, my God.
Courteney Cox is here.
When I saw Courteney Cox, I got super excited cause I really want to be friends with her.
She would be great for my career.
Are you gonna go? Yeah, I'm gonna talk to her.
Go talk to her and you know, keep it cool.
[purposefully.]
Yeah, no I'm gonna talk to her.
No, no! No, no! Okay.
No, no.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
I swear to God if you embarrass me at this school function, you will be evicted.
I'm not going to embarrass you.
Yes, you will.
This is serendipitous that she's here.
Homeless.
Okay.
I gotta go, I gotta go.
I gotta talk to Courteney.
Okay.
Courteney! If you left your socks at mom's house, if you left your socks at your best friend's house, like sure but when you leave your socks at one of the biggest television stars of our time If I left something that's mine, why can't I just say, 'Hey, left that thing.
Thank you, can I come I grab this?' You don't get it and I just don't- I don't get it.
And you never will.
Hi! What brings you here? Oh, my sister's trying to get her kid into this school.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
I want to tell you, you did a great job with your pitch.
I think you have great ideas and I'd love to talk to you more.
Thank you.
That's really well, I'd be really honored to work on the project with you.
I've actually been wanting to get a hold of you because I left a pair of socks at your house.
And I like talked to your assistant about it and- And she couldn't find them? No, she couldn't find them, but they have ducks on them and they're blue and they're like kind of hard to miss.
[Courteney laughs.]
And so I was just wondering if you've seen them around at your house.
I've not seen any socks that- No? Are not mine at least.
[laughs.]
Right, okay.
All right.
Maybe- Sorry, yeah.
Maybe I had it maybe I had it um.
So you've never seen those socks before? The blue ones with the yellow ducks? I have not seen your socks.
[laughs.]
The blue ones with the yellow ducks.
Sorry I'm harping on you it's just weird cause you're wearing them.
[whispering.]
Um, Erin, these are not your socks.
I know but they're also not yours 'cause they're mine.
These are my socks and you're acting really erratic right now.
Mm-hm.
And it's making me uncomfortable.
Okay.
So it doesn't really bode well for our future working relationship.
Right, well let's not talk about the future working relationship.
Let's just talk right now about the socks that you stole from me.
They're not your socks.
They have ducks on them and they're blue! These aren't even ducks.
Take the shoe off! Get your hand off my shoe! No, take the shoe off! Oh my God.
Let go of the socks and let go of my shoe.
One of the socks has a hole in the side so I'd like you take your shoe off and show me.
Take my shoe off.
Okay, great.
No, no I said-oh my, God.
[gasps.]
Look at that.
That is a hole.
That is the hole.
[nervous laughter.]
Busted.
Those are my socks.
I mean what kind of crazy person says they've never seen a pair of socks before and actually stole my socks.
They're mine.
Okay.
Great.
Of course they're yours.
You are too much.
Well you are really, really something, huh? Here you want your sock? Here.
Yeah, I do want my sock.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Fine.
Can I have the other one? The left one is 100% mine.
Taking the left sock that is low.
That is so low but I'll take the one that I have.
Mrs.
Foster? I just wanted to personally thank you so much for your donation.
Your bag raised over $20,000 for the school.
That's that is crazy, actually.
I know.
I'm gonna have my assistant set up an interview appointment with you next week.
Dean, if you'll allow me.
My expertise is in handbags, as you know I'm a buyer.
This is what we'd call a "Louis Fou-ton.
" Fake.
Okay.
This is just a crazy misunderstanding.
And I'm happy to explain it to you.
That's a fake? Yeah.
It's certainly not worth $15-20,000- That's let alone the $142 she tried to bribe me with.
That's a vicious lie.
That is a lie.
And you know it.
You're turning red.
I think this is You're lying.
Very uncomfortable for everyone here.
I'm uncomfortable.
Clearly, you're not what we're looking for and I think it's best if you go and you don't come back and you can forget about that appointment.
Okay? Okay.
We're just gonna grab one more of those little chocolate cake things and then we're leaving.
You can leave.
Mommy has bad news.
You're not getting into Inner Smile, but the good news is you're going to public school down the street.
And you are gonna to have the character I've always wanted you to have.
Are you as excited as mommy is? I mean, if I were you, I would just tell her the truth.
You know? Are you kidding? Like there's gonna be 100 kids in your class, your teacher's not gonna know your name, your textbooks are gonna be used, you're gonna get your ass kicked three days a week, but it's gonna build character and that's important.
So that part was true.
But don't say any of the rest of it.
Do I need to home school her? But for real, I do not want her going to Inner Smile with these a-hole kids.
Like they are so spoiled, they are such brats.
They all turn out to be losers.
Yeah, totally homeschooling her will make sure she's not a brat or a loser.
Getting feedback's really fun.
Oh, God.
I'm nervous.
Unlikeable is a word nobody would ever use to describe me.
'I don't pop.
' Is the dumbest note I've ever gotten.
I'm Rich.
I'm Erin.
I'd like to take you out.
You get asked out, where does it come from? Going out with your camera crew and a guy in a wheelchair asks you out, you can't say no because you're being filmed.
Are you guys on like a date? Yeah, yeah we are.
Wow.
I'm here to see Rachel.
What's going on? I have a big event.
What do you have that will just show it all? I want you to see my abs, I want you to see my ass.
I'm okay with a little nipple.
[photographers shouting/overlapping.]
How do you do it all, Molly? Sara! Who are you again? Molly's best friends.
Does she show up looking like a hooker to your events? Can't hear you, with all the noises and Totally.