Being Erica (2009) s01e03 Episode Script

The best part was when she said, "um, aren't those my pants?" You know what, Mike? I haven't had this much fun in a really long time.
Gotta say.
Oh, would you excuse me, just for a second? I have to take this.
- Yeah, no worries.
- Thank you.
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system.
I don't think I need it, I think it's going really well.
- I hear a "but" coming.
- No, no "buts.
" I mean he seems nice and he's he's cute and - smart and funny.
- But? Where's the catch? Here's a thought: maybe there isn't one.
Just leave it at that, enjoy yourself.
I will.
I am, totally.
I'll only call if Godzilla attacks.
Sowhat should we do now? It's getting pretty late.
Everything's closing.
Yeah.
But, uh, I do live right there.
Really? - One drink? Okay.
- Yeah.
Okay, it's official, I need to move in here.
Not not I mean, into the building, not your actual apartment.
On our first date, Erica.
Oh, yeah, sorry about that, I'm a secret slob when it comes to dishes.
Oh, thank you.
- Oh, Mike, these are amazing.
- I love African masks.
Spent 6 months in Kenya last year.
That one there that was carved from a Mpingo tree.
- May I? - Sure.
Mpingo, it's very Kenyan.
- So, do you want another drink? - Yes, thank you.
Sure do.
The first date is like an open house.
The pictures look great, the dimensions are good, and as you stand on the threshold, you think, could this be it? Could this be the one? Um, do you mind if we just You open the door full of anticipation, you walk in, and then you start to notice the details: The cracks in the wall, the weird little quirks, and then you think, "no this isn't for me.
" Um, Mike, you know, that it I should, uh I should probably just get going now.
So - I can drive you.
- No, that's okay.
Uh, the cab.
I'm just gonna, I'm gonna call a cab.
But thank you.
Thanks for the night.
Bring it.
African masks, can't have that.
It was made in Taiwan.
He said he bought it in Africa.
I mean, does he not check the labels? You know, you always do this.
You're like a bloodhound.
You sniff out the weirdest things about these guys.
How do I even know that he's been to Africa? Maybe the masks are, like, a prop, to get girls to think that he's cultured.
Or maybe you're the weird one.
Oh, oh, and did I tell you about the idiot's guide to Dostojewski? Yes! Advantage, Federer.
You never read Dostojewski.
I loved Anna Karenina.
Erica, that's Tolstoi.
All I'm saying is that why can't meet someone who's not damaged or crazy or or a fake African mask collector, I mean.
.
what is wrong with me? You suck at Wii? That's funny.
No, you're great, it's the process that sucks.
Being single, dating, wanting something you can't find or can't keep.
It's endless.
You want to find a patio and get wasted? Absolutely.
But I can't.
I have to, uh go help Judith decorate the High School gym and I'm gonna be late.
Oh, the big reunion.
You psyched? - Not exactly.
- Why not? Um, you know why.
I mean, come on, I'm single and unemployed.
Not exactly a raging success.
You know the thing about people that peak in High School? That might be me.
No, it's not.
Okay, then I guess I'm just a paranoid freak.
Look, I'll call you later.
Best of three.
All right.
Have fun.
So, Jessica Robertson and Becky Blok emailed to say that they're gonna make it.
I never liked Jessica ever since she played Juliet in grade twelve, - that went straight to her head.
- Wow, you hold a grudge.
You should talk.
Okay.
Don't be mad.
What? I forgot to tell you Katie's coming in from Vancouver for this.
- You "forgot" to tell me? - Erica! How are you? - Oh.
it is so great to see you.
- Uh, how are things? Just switched jobs.
Okay, it was a promotion.
I have my own column at "The Globe" now.
Vancouver office.
Oh, wow, congratulations.
That's great.
My bosses are billing me as the new Leah McLaren.
I promised them something about the reunion.
You know, who was the least likely to succeed, but did.
Who was most likely to succeed, but instead peaked in High School.
How about you guys? Erica, what are you doing these days? Um, actually, I'm just between jobs right now.
Re-evaluating, huh? Good for you! You can get so caught up in a career, the fast track - and how's Anthony doing? - He's great.
Awesome.
He's such a nice guy.
But sometimes even with the nice ones, you just want to smack 'em.
I remember before I married Brian, all that time, all those options.
Tomorrow night is the perfect night for you to be single, Erica.
You're gonna have your pick of all your old flames.
- The ones that aren't gay or married yet.
- Actually, Katie, I am seeing someone and, uh he's amazing.
We're actually, we're quite serious.
Really? Well, I can't wait to meet him tomorrow night.
Do you know who will be there? Zach Creed.
He's the reunion photographer.
Ironic, huh? I forgot to tell you that, too.
What do you care? You got your guy.
It's all water under the bridge.
Yeah.
Ha Anyway, I should go get my ticket.
I'll see you ladies tomorrow night.
What the hell are you doing? I don't know.
Why would you tell Katie you have a boyfriend? I don't know, I can't stand that woman! She automatically assumed that I was single and that was it, it was like the last straw and so now I have to bring this imaginary boyfriend to the reunion and I'm so screwed.
- You are just like - Yeah, a moron? Thank you.
Thank you for that.
So, will you do it? What? Please, Ethan, be my boyfriend.
You can do it.
I mean, you're smart and you're charming and you're funny and And I could use a night off from thinking about my divorce? Yes! - I'll be Sven, the Swedish diplomat.
- No.
- Jorge, the museum curator? - No, listen.
Katie will recognize you from U of T.
You just gotta be you.
- The best you that you can be.
- What? Soon-to-be-divorced elementary school teacher not good enough for you? No.
You know what I'm saying.
Oh, okay, this is my interview.
Can you do me a favor? Can you call Jenny and Judith and make sure they know the plan? And make sure Jenny knows to keep her mouth shut.
Got it.
- Good luck.
- Thank you.
Name some of your favorite books.
Favorite books? Wow.
"1984".
"A Handmaid's Tale".
"Of Human Bondage".
"Franny and Zooey".
Uh, all Fiction.
Yeah, I'm a Fiction lover.
Applying for a job in a Non-Fiction department.
So.
Tell me about what you want to do.
Well, to be honest, I'm I'm fascinated by the process of taking an idea and shaping it into a manuscript.
I, I don't have a lot of publishing experience, but I am a critical thinker and I'm really motivated to learn.
You're far better spoken than the 21-year-old grads I normally interview for this job.
But, I'll be honest.
I've never considered hiring someone as well, mature as yourself for a position like this.
I just want to make sure that you realize that this job is Sorry to cut you off.
That's okay.
Yes, it's, uh an assistant job.
Entry level.
Absolutely.
And I would be expecting to make coffee and photocopy and collate until my fingers grow calluses.
Well, thank you for coming in.
I'll be make my decision in the next few days.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Lovely to meet you.
- Yes.
- Do I have anything in my teeth? - Big chunk of spinach.
Okay.
We're holdin' hands, we're walkin' in.
- Wait, wait wait.
- What? 'Kay, there's Katie.
She's right there.
- Cue the devastating charm.
- No.
We need an exit strategy in case things start to go wrong.
Speaking of which, did you tell Jenny and Judith? Check.
They have been informed.
- Let's do it.
All right.
- Let's go.
Okay, this is the plan: we approach her, introductions, get this over with so we can relax.
Hey, you see me flip my hair like this, that means "abort the mission".
Smile.
Hey, Erica, long time no see.
- Hi, Zach.
This is Ethan.
- Hey, man, Zach Creed.
Oh, you two mind posing for a few? I'm getting shots for the "then and now" photo tree.
- No thanks.
- Sure.
Come on, it'll be fun.
Come on, Erica, let's see that smile.
I know you know how to "move".
Come on, let's see that smile, Erica.
Ethan! Ethan, don't.
That's it, Erica, smile for the camera.
- Come on, just put me down, for a sec.
- Hey, what's the matter? Nothing, um, I just I have to go use the restroom for a second.
I'll be back.
You look like you just knocked over the Bunsen burner.
Alex Berlin? Oh my god.
You look so different.
No goggles.
No lab coat.
- You look the same.
- Minus the ponytail, you know.
I remember the scrunchies.
Huge collection.
Wow.
This is really weird.
I think that you just said more to me in the last minute, than you did the entire year we were lab partners.
That's probably true.
I was horribly shy.
Well, clearly not anymore.
Well, it was great seeing you again, Erica.
You too, really.
- You look great.
- You too.
Thank you.
See you inside? I'll see you in there.
Ethan, where do you live now? You know, I'm still working that out.
So, Ethan is the mystery man.
Old friends in love, so sweet.
Yeah, well, it took us a while to finally come to our senses.
Hey, if you're looking for a little action on the side, I'm available.
Sorry, I can't help myself.
Your man looks smokin' hot.
So tell me, what do you do now? Actually, I'm I'm a doctor.
A doctor, really? That, that's so interesting because I did a piece on the medical profession earlier this year.
Let me, let me just steal him away.
So, what is your specialty? The thing you have to realize is everybody lies.
Patients, they all lie.
I used to be naive, but it finally hit me when I was treating this nun who - came in covered with boils.
- Oh my god.
Yeah, she thought it was stigmata, but I worked out that she was actually having an allergic reaction to copper.
Wasn't that an episode of "House"? Ah, funny that you should say that.
It was, it was actually based on my case.
I do some pretty high profile work, so, I'm always being harassed by producers for new material.
What're you doing? Uh, nothing.
I just, um I need to freshen up.
Great.
Perfect.
A therapy session that's exactly what I need right now.
"Sarcasm: The last refuge of modest people when the privacy of their soul is intrusively invaded.
" Fjodor Dostojewski.
Very funny.
So? That's a lovely reunion.
Old friends, old flames fake boyfriend.
I know.
I shouldn't have said anything to Katie, but we have a history.
And being around her, it puts me on edge.
So, I said what I said and showed up here tonight and I'm already nervous about how it's gonna go and who do I run into, but - Zach.
- You know.
It's on your list.
Losing my virginity to Zach Creed.
So, why is this a regret? Can I get a pass? I really don't want to talk about this.
You wrote it down.
I mean, this is therapy.
It's not a spa.
It's not supposed to be comfortable.
It was the summer of '94, right before we all took off for university, and my entire graduating class went I'd just started going out with Zach Creed.
He was the hottest guy in our class and I had wanted him for years.
I knew I was starting university and he was heading out west, so it was my last chance and I was young and stupid, and when he said he had it all planned, I just went along with it.
The sex was horrible, but the worst part came after.
I guess Zach thought it'd be cool to keep a souvenir of our time together.
Couldn't resist showing all of his friends.
I took me months to get over it.
It wasn't even the humiliation of other people seeing me, it was more me questioning my own judgment.
And ever since then - I've just been so picky.
- Is that a bad thing? As far as relationships go, it's debilitating.
As soon as I meet someone, I start looking for faults.
So, this all started the "Zach" incident.
You said that, uh it took you a few months to get over it.
Sounds like you're maybe not over it at all.
I just saw him tonight and I wanted to say something, but I I couldn't.
So, tell me, this time when you go back, what will you do differently? Well, I won't have sex with him, obviously.
I would love to tell him off.
And I can't deny that a part of me wants the satisfaction of Revenge? I don't know.
I mean, it's a regret.
It's a bad experience that I would be glad to erase.
- That's it.
- That's all.
Holy shit! - You coulda killed us.
- I'm really sorry, you guys.
I was just, uh, momentarily distracted.
- By what? - Zach? Uh, actually, no.
It's Erica's last night as a virgin.
- She's gonna get jiggy with the Z-man.
- Guys.
She's gonna rip his clothes off, climb on top of him and grab his hot, sweaty Uh, listen, you guys, I'm not gonna go through with it.
- What? - Come on! Two hours ago you were going on and on about how perfect it was gonna be.
You were gonna lose it under the stars, lying on the sand.
Yeah, well, you know I changed my mind, so.
You're joking.
Not even a little bit.
- I got the stuff.
- Yeah, about that A little Southern Comfort, little Limp Bizkit on my CD player.
So, we can share earphones.
And - a box of condoms.
- Wow, that's really optimistic of you.
Listen, I I I mean yeah, that sounds good.
- Sounds wicked! - Awesome.
- So, I'll come get you later? - Yeah, I can't wait.
You have to admit, it was a bit weird, you suddenly changing your mind for no reason.
No, I have a reason.
It just, it doesn't feel right, so Honestly? I kind of feel like my story about Todd freaked you out.
Um your story about Todd? Yeah, I may have exaggerated the details just a bit.
Like, I didn't actually bleed for three weeks and, you know, it wasn't like, it wasn't like that big, it was more like, like that big.
You know, the weirdest thing too, his balls were just, so Oh, you know what? Really, Jude, I promise it has nothing to do with your story.
Totally promise.
You know, it's like a decision I came to on my own, so Yeah.
Ouch! - Alex? What the hell? - Sorry.
Are you eaves dropping on our conversation? No, I, uh - I was just, uh - Hey, there.
Guys.
Bonfire's starting in ten and we need more kindling.
Yeah, I'll catch up with you in a sec.
Alex Berlin.
How come you and I never talk? What were you doing up there anyway? I was writing.
I write poems.
I promise I won't laugh.
I can't.
Just one.
Please? Why are you even talking to me right now? Because I'm curious about you.
Please? "I fear that you will learn the lessons of beauty and injustice;" that the poetry your body can create will abandon you; that the gifts of your own strength and passion will be dulled before they are even born.
"I fear that you will cease to yearn for flight.
" - Alex, that was beautiful.
- Hey, Erica! Berlin.
Get lost, man.
Come on, get lost! What are you Uh, Alex, I'll see you later.
You know, I'm starting the fire.
I thought you might wanna come watch me? Totally.
Yeah.
Hey, what're you wearing under that skirt? Okay, what's going on? I mean, we can fix it.
- I wanna see you naked.
- Ah but you too.
Listen, Zach, there's something that I wanted to do to you for a very very long time.
Is it what I think it is? Okay, lay down.
But you have to keep your eyes closed because I don't really like it when a guy watches me do it.
Aw, you gotta show me your tits.
- Come on, I wanna look at you.
- Please? It's all a part of the surprise.
Okay, you can open 'em.
What the?! Jesus! How does this feel, huh? Is this doin' it for you, Zach? - Gimme the camera, Erica.
- Oh? Oh, you don't like this? Did you think that I would, huh? Did you think about me at all? Hey, Zach.
You know what they say about "what goes around comes around"? This year is gonna be the best it ever gets for you.
So enjoy.
You're gonna spook the fish.
Catch anything? No.
Not yet.
But, you know, I always like to remain optimistic.
There's plenty of fish in the sea, lots to choose from.
You know, after what just happened, I I feel like for the first time in a really long time I can start fishing myself.
Well, feel free.
"Let your net always be cast.
" And in the pool which you least expect "there will be a fish.
" Ovid.
Yeah, I rocked Latin Lit back in the day.
They say revenge is sweet.
Would you say that they're right? Right or wrong I needed him to know how it felt.
And I held on to that for so long and it seemed so so easy now that I realized that, just 'cause one guy hurt me, it doesn't mean they all will.
Well, I can't argue with that.
Yeah.
But don't forget, you know, it's never easy.
No, there is a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path.
Isn't that from "The Matrix"? Morpheus.
Lawrence Fishburne.
Man, that's a stellar performance.
- Erica?! - I'm here! - Oh my god, where have you been? - Hey, guys.
You are not gonna believe what's going on.
Oh, Jesus, what now? Why is everyone acting like I'm contagious? Oh my god, would you stop with the drama and just tell me? I will survive, okay? - Okay, Zach is saying - that he dumped you because you have syphil-ass.
Come again? I have syphilis? No-no-no, syphil-ass.
Syphilis of the ass.
- What?! - You don't, right? - Jenny! - I'm just verifying the facts, okay? 'Cause it sounds really nasty and catchy.
- Syphil-ass! - Shut up, Gary! Okay, that's it, where is he? Huh? Where is he? Erica.
Erica, wait! Excuse me! Hi! Sorry to interrupt your revolting public display of affection, but it appears that you didn't learn your lesson earlier today.
So, you made up a story.
Syphil-ass, huh? I mean, that's genius, right? - Really creative, Zach.
- Erica, you're embarrassing yourself.
Katie, this has nothing to do with you.
Why don't you just get lost, syphil-ass? Don't talk to her like that.
Oh, excuse me, Berlin? I'm gonna talk to her however I want to, thanks.
There's no such thing as syphil-ass, you moron.
- I'm sorry? - Zach.
- I said you're a moron.
- Oh.
You guys! Stop! Stop it! Somebody! Let's get outta here.
Let's get outta here, come on! Wait.
Oh my god, you're bleeding.
No-no, it's fine.
I don't even feel it.
You didn't have to do that, just, like, go after him like that.
I've always liked you.
Ever since that first day when you thought you had mercury poisoning.
I wanted to make you feel better, but I didn't know what to say.
I never know what to say.
- Um, are you okay? - Yeah, no, I'm fine.
I'm great.
I mean, we could go back - if you wanted to? - No-no-no, no just, uh just can't believe I did that.
Me neither.
Ohhh no.
It's a big spider in there.
Erica, are you okay? Heard someone screaming in there.
Oh, no, I'm fine.
Um, sorry if I'm staring.
It's-it's just that seeing you is a little bit more intense than I thought it would be.
I know, me too.
I've still got marks on my back from that canoe.
Wow, Erica Strange.
I know I shouldn't be saying this, but seeing you again makes me wonder if we hadn't gone to school on opposite sides of the country - what would have happened? - Yeah.
I Alex, would you excuse me for just a second? I will be right back.
Thank you.
Alex is showing major potential and I don't wanna blow it.
And he's he's smart and he's interesting and he's single and he likes me and the only thing standing in the way of something is this fake relationship.
Wow.
What? I thought that you'd be happy for me? I am, I justyou barely know the guy.
Just because you had sex with him 14 years ago No, it's not just that, we just talked and there was chemistry.
I mean, I thought that you were coming out to help me? Helping me right now would be leaving.
Okay, if that's what'll help you, I'll do it.
Thank you.
- Have a good time.
- Wish me luck.
- Hey, see you.
- Hey, hey.
- Where's Erica? - Oh, she's inside.
We, uh - we broke up.
- You too, huh? She's a tough one, man.
She she had my number.
The only girl to see through me that way.
But you guys look good together.
A girl like that, man, you do not just walk away from.
I hope you had a good reason.
It's what she wants.
And when you pushed him into the water, I swear to god, I thought he was gonna come out of that lake and just - eat me for lunch? - Yes.
My one moment of bravery.
It was so unlike me.
I remember reading you that poem and thinking how am I doing this? How is it possible for this girl to make me feel like I can do anything? Okay, well, enough about the past, um what are you up to these days? Well, um, my life's been pretty busy, actually.
I work the railroads.
How very Jack Kerouac of you.
- I bet that inspires a lot of writing? - Uh, no-no-no, I mean, - I actually work for a railroad, in logistics.
- Oh, okay.
Yeah, over the past couple years I've really developed a passion for trains.
Really? Um, so like the aesthetics or All of it.
Just the engineering, the, the look.
I collect train sets.
Have you ever heard of the Maglev? Uh no.
It's this really cool levitating train.
It's the fastest in the world.
- It's comparable to a jet aircraft.
- Really? Hmm.
Wow.
I remember when you drew on Andrew Reubenfair's penis with a highlighter on a field trip to the science center! I remember when you asked if you could get a tan sitting by the fire at Marni Moscow's cottage! I remember when you used to bark back at dogs on the way to school! Oh my god, I haven't laughed this hard since High School.
I know, I know.
- Where's Erica? - I don't know? She's all gaga over Alex Berlin.
Alex Berlin? I thought she was with Ethan? Oh, sh shit.
I knew it.
No, K-katie, don't say anything.
It's called electro-dynamic suspension, or E.
D.
S.
You see, the rail exerts a magnetic field, and the train exerts one back.
Like when you have two magnets with the same polarity and you just can't get them to stick.
- Erica.
- Oh.
Uh, hi.
Uh Katie, this is.
.
do you remember Alex Berlin? I just wanted to come over and tell you I so enjoyed reconnecting with your very accomplished boyfriend.
Did he do his medical degree at Harvard or Columbia? 'Cause I just can't remember which one it was.
I gotta say, I'm really surprised.
Making up a fake boyfriend? That's a new low, even for you.
Excuse me.
Alex, this isn't I mean, it isn't what it looks like.
Yes, I did make up a fake boyfriend and the reasons why I did that, they're really complicated.
And I just, I really hope that you can understand.
You don't owe me an explanation.
We barely know each other, right? - Whatever is going on between you and this guy - No, there's nothing's going on.
there's I just got out of a long relationship with a woman who cheated on me.
I just can't deal with baggage right now.
See you around.
Well, you were right.
- About what? - Your Matrix thing.
Well what was it this time? - Trains.
- Trains.
- Maglev trains.
- Maglev trains.
And the best part is? He turned around and did it right back to me.
I mean, I've never been on the receiving end before, where you you just know that someone is judging you without even bothering to find out the whole story.
I mean, so what if he likes trains? Why does that bother me so much? I thought, I could just get it, you know? I could understand what it was that I was doing wrong and then just stop picking these guys apart and I why can't I stop? Because you're afraid of what what comes next.
You wanna meet someone, right? You wanna fall in love, but you know the risks that lead to love.
Oh, they may cause pain.
And it's fear of that pain, that's what holds you back.
It's what you need to let go of.
What if I can't? Well, that's not the question.
It's not a question of whether you can or whether you can't 'cause that's just more taking a risk is like, uh jumping off a cliff.
It's a leap into the unknown with absolutely no guarantees.
Ultimately, Erica, you just have to decide.
You have to choose how are you going to be.
I mean, you could spend the rest of your life caught up, in that fear.
Okay.
Or, you could face it.
Take the leap.
See what comes.
Your ice cream's melting.
Yeah I was, uh gonna take this to Ethan.
Yeah, allow me.
Thanks.
"Chasing the past, she stumbled into the future.
" Hello, Erica, Ambrose Kincaid here, I'm calling with good news.
I'd like to offer you the assistant position.
I brought ice cream.
What happened to Alex? Didn't work out.
- That's too bad.
- Listen, Ethan.
I owe you a huge apology.
No.
No, you don't.
- No, you were great tonight.
- Well, I am a good actor.
Honestly though, the thought of going back out on the market, playing the game in real life, makes me want to throw up.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning, alone in bed, and think: "What if this is it? What if I never find someone else?" I mean, if guys are getting shot down for having African mask collections, - it's not looking too good for me.
- What are you talking about? - You are amazing.
- I'm damaged goods.
And hardly sexy on paper.
An Elementary School teacher? - Uh, your kids write you fan mail.
- Who still plays video games? - Whoa, I love the Wii.
- And talks in his sleep? Claire used to hate that I'd always wake her up.
Do you remember when we were roommates in third year, and you had the nightmare about the letters? - Oh god.
- It was so cute.
It took me like ten minutes to realize that you were sleeping.
I had no idea why suddenly you thought you were a mailman, and standing in my room.
Please don't.
And I mean, I took you back to your bed and I assured you that everything was gonna be okay.
People were gonna get their mail.
And then you went back to bed.