Beware The Batman s01e03 Episode Script
Tests
1x03 - Tests Previously on Beware the Batman Tatsu is more than capable of being your bodyguard and your driver.
Test her, you'll see.
Let the tests begin.
[HISSING.]
[GLASS SHATTERING.]
- Yo, watch it, Junkyard.
- What's your problem Daedalus? I'm just expressing my artistic self.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
Serves old man Castle right for not appreciating artists of our caliber.
Down with creative oppression! This is justice.
Batman: No.
I am justice.
- Bat-man - Take him, it's two against one.
[GRUNTING.]
[THUDDING.]
[GASPS.]
Let's see how tough you are when you're blind, Bat.
Junkyard: Aren't bats already blind? [GRUNTS.]
Batman: You boys might want to find another career.
I don't think art is going to pan out.
Say hi to Gotham PD for me.
Have a nice night.
Dang, the cops are totally going to jack us for this! Man: They certainly would, if they catch you.
Look man, Batman already worked us.
Go do your hero thing on someone else.
Oh, I'm no hero.
I'm a fan.
I've been watching you for some time.
Daedalus your authority challenging street art shows enormous promise.
It does? I mean, yeah, duh.
And you Junkyard dog, your knack for sculptural destruction, I find inspiring.
I see genius in you both.
I want to be your patron.
Consider this, my first donation to your art.
Dude, who are you? Call me Anarky.
[CLICKING.]
[GASPS.]
[DOOR OPENING.]
[WHIRRING.]
Major, your boss has one serious workout room Alfred: Mr.
Wayne insists on the best.
And he can afford it.
Well? Had you been paying attention, you'd have to admit she handled the obstacles almost as well as Batman.
So would an Olympic gymnast.
But I don't need one to drive me around or protect me.
It's your move.
Tatsu just passed an impressive test, like it or not, you need an assistant.
When I was training in Asia, every dojo I attended had a different requirement skill, character, endurance.
Every test had to be passed before I was accepted.
I don't even know why we bother playing this game, you never lose.
Because you keep me sharp.
As for Ms.
Yamashiro, it's going to take more than an agility test to convince me.
[MUSIC.]
OVER SPEAKER: Ms.
Yamashiro, this is Bruce Wayne, could you please meet me in the trophy room? Mr.
Wayne, you wanted to see me? This job just got interesting.
[WARBLING.]
[BEEPS.]
What are you hiding, Mr.
Wayne? [PEOPLE CHATTERING.]
You sure this is the place Anarky said to go? Didn't we get booted from this gallery once? Yeah, but that was before we were reconstituted with new artistic tools.
Yo, we heard you uptown losers are always looking for the next big thing.
Well, get a load of our street art, Hommies.
[ENERGIZING.]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Welcome, Gotham City, to the art of destruction.
[PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
[SAW BUZZING.]
[TIRES SQUEALING.]
Batman: First hardware stores, now civilians.
Congratulations, you've got my attention.
We're just expressing ourselves, Bat dude.
Why do you have to be hating on our art.
[CLINKING.]
[THUDDING.]
- Hey watch it man.
- Sorry! Batman: Yes, you are.
[SAW BUZZING.]
[BOTH GRUNT.]
[BOTH GROANING.]
Alfred: You're all over the news.
Quite a mess.
Anyone we know? Dumber and dumber from the other night.
I, eh, blended up your dinner.
Assuming we'd be working late.
This pair seems a bit deficient for this type of destruction.
Agreed.
They're working with someone.
Do a background.
Who they might have come in contact with.
[SOFTLY SLURPING.]
[MUSIC.]
Get this analyzed.
Probably came off their shoes.
Might give us something.
From Cold War warrior to analyzer of sneaker goo.
I've never been prouder.
Tatsu: You have a very quiet footstep, Mr.
Wayne.
As do you, Ms.
Yamashiro.
And judging from your home gym, you have a killer exercise routine.
I saw you in there.
You live up to Alfred's glowing recommendation.
Look, I know you don't think I am necessary, but let me assure you.
I always take my work very seriously.
So, please - keep an open mind.
- I always do.
Daedalus: What's the world coming to, Dude? When artists like us are in prison? Ouch! [CLANKING.]
"Look out the window.
" [SIZZLING.]
[SCREAMS.]
Cool! [GROANS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Hello, boys.
Mr.
Anarky, dude, we were gonna come looking for you.
- Yeah, but Bat-dork - No apologies necessary.
Despite his claims of free agency, Batman is clearly a tool of order.
- Exactly! - Yeah! - Tool! - Yeah! I, on the other hand will fight against order for total unleashed freedom at any price.
It's a patron's responsibility to make sure his artists are suitably equipped.
Merry Christmas.
Your dimwitted duo have made quite a name for themselves on Gotham's art scene.
Booted from every gallery in town.
Up until now though they're only real crime has been a serious lack of talent.
This supports the theory that they're working with someone.
Anything from my "Goo" analysis? Antiquated machine lubricant barely in use now.
It's what I found in the lubricant that's really interesting.
A very rare pollen from the Fritillaria Meleagris plant, better known as the Chess Flower.
Someone's playing a game, Alfred.
- And our two budding Van Goghs? - Are the pawns.
Computer, video feeds from Gotham PD CCTV surveillance system [COMPUTER BLEEPING.]
There.
The Bat mobile is prepped and ready for you.
Change of plans, Alfred.
Tonight, you drive.
[GRATING.]
This is the only way to tag.
Whoo-hoo! I can't believe how before I used to sculpt thing with my hands.
Stupid hands.
[CRASHING.]
[BOTH SCREAMING.]
Daedalus: I don't care if he is Batman.
He can't push us around.
Not anymore.
[BOTH SCREAMING.]
[SIZZLING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
[BEEPING.]
And I actually thought he was gonna let me really drive for once.
[GRUNTING.]
Ah, bother, I might as well try them all and hope for the best.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[ENGINE REVVING.]
- Junkyard: Run! - Daedalus: Get to the rendezvous point.
[MUSIC.]
Impressive.
[THUDS.]
Thank you.
Batman! But you're Don't hurt your brain trying to understand.
I want you conscious when I take you down.
[LAUGHING.]
Bravo! I believe this game just got interesting.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[EXCLAIMS.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTING AND GROANING.]
[MUSIC.]
[BLEEPING AND PULSING.]
[BEEPS.]
[GASPS.]
A secret elevator to a private library.
Not only dies this guy have too much time and too much money, he's a geek too! [MUSIC.]
What's so interesting about Gotham's wheelhouse, Mr.
Wayne? [MUSIC.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Well done.
I'm so gratified you understand the game.
This isn't a game.
In that gear, those two are dangerous.
It's a miracle bystanders weren't hurt.
Oh, I would have been fine with that.
It's the sort of random action that makes me the better player.
You, the black king, representing order, and I, the white king well, I'm Anarky.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[THUDDING.]
I'm not going to play your game, Anarky.
Oh, but you must, I've searched so long for a worthy opponent.
Someday, they'll write songs about our struggle.
You, fighting for order and peace.
Me, for chaos and destruction! [PEOPLE MUMBLING FEARFULLY.]
That was just to get your attention.
- The real bombs - Are on the Gondolas, set to explode as they cross one another.
- How did you know? - It's the obvious move.
Ouch.
[SNIGGERS.]
Regardless, there's only time enough for you to deactivate one of the bombs before they cross.
Those poor people on the other tram.
[TUTTING.]
[Batman GRUNTS.]
No! Stop them from moving, instant detonation.
A dead man's switch.
Of course, I let go boom! Boss! Batman is right behind us, he's Oh, dang! These two will stay and slow you down even more.
I know you love a challenge.
Not such an obvious move now, is it? I'll be watching, Batman.
I hope you can do it.
I've wanted a real opponent for so long.
We were just trying to express ourselves.
So am I.
[BOTH GROANING.]
[TIRES SQUEALING.]
Alfred, I need schematics of the Gotham City sky tram fed in to my goggles.
Uploading now.
[TIRES SQUEALING.]
[MUSIC.]
Alfred: You realize as soon as the trams are within magnetic range Batman: The bombs detonate.
But if I divert the trigger magnet's pull Alfred: The circuit won't close.
No explosion.
[CLICKING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[POWERING DOWN.]
[Batman GROANS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[Anarky GROANING.]
Congratulations! You countered my move! - You passed the test.
- It wasn't much of a test.
[GRUNTING IN FRUSTRATION.]
You have no idea what an honor it is to be chosen as my enemy! It's a really big deal! I thought I'd found an opponent to match wits with, but you're just another lunatic in a costume.
Madness is the more interesting choice.
- Logic and order are so predictable.
- Unless I make a logical decision to do something insane.
[GRUNTING.]
[FIZZLING.]
What! Why didn't it explode? Frequency jamming disk.
Unpredictable enough for you? [EXCLAIMS.]
[Anarky GROANS.]
[SCREAMING.]
[LOUD THUD.]
[SPARKING.]
[MUSIC.]
Alfred: And what of our two unfortunate, misunderstood artists? They're in Lieutenant Gordon's hands now.
They'll be wishing they were back in mine soon enough.
That's right, arrest me.
Just going to make my art more valuable.
Worked for Michelangelo.
Dude, did you ever stop to think, you're not talented? Man, whatever! [SIRENS BLARING.]
Hmm, impressive.
So, Ms.
Yamashiro, you passed my test.
Well done.
Perhaps I judged you too quickly.
Or perhaps you just got lucky.
We'll see.
Test her, you'll see.
Let the tests begin.
[HISSING.]
[GLASS SHATTERING.]
- Yo, watch it, Junkyard.
- What's your problem Daedalus? I'm just expressing my artistic self.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
Serves old man Castle right for not appreciating artists of our caliber.
Down with creative oppression! This is justice.
Batman: No.
I am justice.
- Bat-man - Take him, it's two against one.
[GRUNTING.]
[THUDDING.]
[GASPS.]
Let's see how tough you are when you're blind, Bat.
Junkyard: Aren't bats already blind? [GRUNTS.]
Batman: You boys might want to find another career.
I don't think art is going to pan out.
Say hi to Gotham PD for me.
Have a nice night.
Dang, the cops are totally going to jack us for this! Man: They certainly would, if they catch you.
Look man, Batman already worked us.
Go do your hero thing on someone else.
Oh, I'm no hero.
I'm a fan.
I've been watching you for some time.
Daedalus your authority challenging street art shows enormous promise.
It does? I mean, yeah, duh.
And you Junkyard dog, your knack for sculptural destruction, I find inspiring.
I see genius in you both.
I want to be your patron.
Consider this, my first donation to your art.
Dude, who are you? Call me Anarky.
[CLICKING.]
[GASPS.]
[DOOR OPENING.]
[WHIRRING.]
Major, your boss has one serious workout room Alfred: Mr.
Wayne insists on the best.
And he can afford it.
Well? Had you been paying attention, you'd have to admit she handled the obstacles almost as well as Batman.
So would an Olympic gymnast.
But I don't need one to drive me around or protect me.
It's your move.
Tatsu just passed an impressive test, like it or not, you need an assistant.
When I was training in Asia, every dojo I attended had a different requirement skill, character, endurance.
Every test had to be passed before I was accepted.
I don't even know why we bother playing this game, you never lose.
Because you keep me sharp.
As for Ms.
Yamashiro, it's going to take more than an agility test to convince me.
[MUSIC.]
OVER SPEAKER: Ms.
Yamashiro, this is Bruce Wayne, could you please meet me in the trophy room? Mr.
Wayne, you wanted to see me? This job just got interesting.
[WARBLING.]
[BEEPS.]
What are you hiding, Mr.
Wayne? [PEOPLE CHATTERING.]
You sure this is the place Anarky said to go? Didn't we get booted from this gallery once? Yeah, but that was before we were reconstituted with new artistic tools.
Yo, we heard you uptown losers are always looking for the next big thing.
Well, get a load of our street art, Hommies.
[ENERGIZING.]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Welcome, Gotham City, to the art of destruction.
[PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
[SAW BUZZING.]
[TIRES SQUEALING.]
Batman: First hardware stores, now civilians.
Congratulations, you've got my attention.
We're just expressing ourselves, Bat dude.
Why do you have to be hating on our art.
[CLINKING.]
[THUDDING.]
- Hey watch it man.
- Sorry! Batman: Yes, you are.
[SAW BUZZING.]
[BOTH GRUNT.]
[BOTH GROANING.]
Alfred: You're all over the news.
Quite a mess.
Anyone we know? Dumber and dumber from the other night.
I, eh, blended up your dinner.
Assuming we'd be working late.
This pair seems a bit deficient for this type of destruction.
Agreed.
They're working with someone.
Do a background.
Who they might have come in contact with.
[SOFTLY SLURPING.]
[MUSIC.]
Get this analyzed.
Probably came off their shoes.
Might give us something.
From Cold War warrior to analyzer of sneaker goo.
I've never been prouder.
Tatsu: You have a very quiet footstep, Mr.
Wayne.
As do you, Ms.
Yamashiro.
And judging from your home gym, you have a killer exercise routine.
I saw you in there.
You live up to Alfred's glowing recommendation.
Look, I know you don't think I am necessary, but let me assure you.
I always take my work very seriously.
So, please - keep an open mind.
- I always do.
Daedalus: What's the world coming to, Dude? When artists like us are in prison? Ouch! [CLANKING.]
"Look out the window.
" [SIZZLING.]
[SCREAMS.]
Cool! [GROANS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Hello, boys.
Mr.
Anarky, dude, we were gonna come looking for you.
- Yeah, but Bat-dork - No apologies necessary.
Despite his claims of free agency, Batman is clearly a tool of order.
- Exactly! - Yeah! - Tool! - Yeah! I, on the other hand will fight against order for total unleashed freedom at any price.
It's a patron's responsibility to make sure his artists are suitably equipped.
Merry Christmas.
Your dimwitted duo have made quite a name for themselves on Gotham's art scene.
Booted from every gallery in town.
Up until now though they're only real crime has been a serious lack of talent.
This supports the theory that they're working with someone.
Anything from my "Goo" analysis? Antiquated machine lubricant barely in use now.
It's what I found in the lubricant that's really interesting.
A very rare pollen from the Fritillaria Meleagris plant, better known as the Chess Flower.
Someone's playing a game, Alfred.
- And our two budding Van Goghs? - Are the pawns.
Computer, video feeds from Gotham PD CCTV surveillance system [COMPUTER BLEEPING.]
There.
The Bat mobile is prepped and ready for you.
Change of plans, Alfred.
Tonight, you drive.
[GRATING.]
This is the only way to tag.
Whoo-hoo! I can't believe how before I used to sculpt thing with my hands.
Stupid hands.
[CRASHING.]
[BOTH SCREAMING.]
Daedalus: I don't care if he is Batman.
He can't push us around.
Not anymore.
[BOTH SCREAMING.]
[SIZZLING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
[BEEPING.]
And I actually thought he was gonna let me really drive for once.
[GRUNTING.]
Ah, bother, I might as well try them all and hope for the best.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[ENGINE REVVING.]
- Junkyard: Run! - Daedalus: Get to the rendezvous point.
[MUSIC.]
Impressive.
[THUDS.]
Thank you.
Batman! But you're Don't hurt your brain trying to understand.
I want you conscious when I take you down.
[LAUGHING.]
Bravo! I believe this game just got interesting.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[EXCLAIMS.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTING AND GROANING.]
[MUSIC.]
[BLEEPING AND PULSING.]
[BEEPS.]
[GASPS.]
A secret elevator to a private library.
Not only dies this guy have too much time and too much money, he's a geek too! [MUSIC.]
What's so interesting about Gotham's wheelhouse, Mr.
Wayne? [MUSIC.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Well done.
I'm so gratified you understand the game.
This isn't a game.
In that gear, those two are dangerous.
It's a miracle bystanders weren't hurt.
Oh, I would have been fine with that.
It's the sort of random action that makes me the better player.
You, the black king, representing order, and I, the white king well, I'm Anarky.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[THUDDING.]
I'm not going to play your game, Anarky.
Oh, but you must, I've searched so long for a worthy opponent.
Someday, they'll write songs about our struggle.
You, fighting for order and peace.
Me, for chaos and destruction! [PEOPLE MUMBLING FEARFULLY.]
That was just to get your attention.
- The real bombs - Are on the Gondolas, set to explode as they cross one another.
- How did you know? - It's the obvious move.
Ouch.
[SNIGGERS.]
Regardless, there's only time enough for you to deactivate one of the bombs before they cross.
Those poor people on the other tram.
[TUTTING.]
[Batman GRUNTS.]
No! Stop them from moving, instant detonation.
A dead man's switch.
Of course, I let go boom! Boss! Batman is right behind us, he's Oh, dang! These two will stay and slow you down even more.
I know you love a challenge.
Not such an obvious move now, is it? I'll be watching, Batman.
I hope you can do it.
I've wanted a real opponent for so long.
We were just trying to express ourselves.
So am I.
[BOTH GROANING.]
[TIRES SQUEALING.]
Alfred, I need schematics of the Gotham City sky tram fed in to my goggles.
Uploading now.
[TIRES SQUEALING.]
[MUSIC.]
Alfred: You realize as soon as the trams are within magnetic range Batman: The bombs detonate.
But if I divert the trigger magnet's pull Alfred: The circuit won't close.
No explosion.
[CLICKING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[POWERING DOWN.]
[Batman GROANS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[Anarky GROANING.]
Congratulations! You countered my move! - You passed the test.
- It wasn't much of a test.
[GRUNTING IN FRUSTRATION.]
You have no idea what an honor it is to be chosen as my enemy! It's a really big deal! I thought I'd found an opponent to match wits with, but you're just another lunatic in a costume.
Madness is the more interesting choice.
- Logic and order are so predictable.
- Unless I make a logical decision to do something insane.
[GRUNTING.]
[FIZZLING.]
What! Why didn't it explode? Frequency jamming disk.
Unpredictable enough for you? [EXCLAIMS.]
[Anarky GROANS.]
[SCREAMING.]
[LOUD THUD.]
[SPARKING.]
[MUSIC.]
Alfred: And what of our two unfortunate, misunderstood artists? They're in Lieutenant Gordon's hands now.
They'll be wishing they were back in mine soon enough.
That's right, arrest me.
Just going to make my art more valuable.
Worked for Michelangelo.
Dude, did you ever stop to think, you're not talented? Man, whatever! [SIRENS BLARING.]
Hmm, impressive.
So, Ms.
Yamashiro, you passed my test.
Well done.
Perhaps I judged you too quickly.
Or perhaps you just got lucky.
We'll see.