Boyster (2014) s01e03 Episode Script

This is the story of an extraordinary oyster.
Born from a toxic spill, [music.]
he was adopted by humans with his shell brother.
And now, he must hide his secret oyster powers.
[theme music plays.]
[electricity zaps.]
[Boyster.]
Boyster! Ah man, somebody scribbled all over this painting.
That's no way to treat a work of art.
[clears throat.]
That is the work of art.
Boyster, do I really have to be here? I'm getting cramp in my hinge, plus I'm missing "Are You Smarter Than a Cheese Grater?" Come on, Shelby, you love art.
True, I am something of an aficionado, but I already know this museum like the back of my shell.
I've been here online thousands of times.
I know.
That's why I need you here.
Alicia is a fishy what do you call it, too.
You need to help me impress her.
[whispers.]
Say something about it thought-provoking.
Hi, thought-provoking, isn't it? I love how the artist engages the viewer in a dialogue - about light and space? - Wow, Boyster! That's really insightful.
I didn't know you were an art lover.
Oh, yeah.
He's a real aficion-nacho.
- Huh? - Mm.
Hey, wanna go check out the Impressionists? Ooh, they do comedy here? Say something about the Monet.
I mean, I'd love to.
I hear the Monets are exquisite.
- You gotta lose the backpack, chief.
- What? Why? - Oh, that's why.
- You can drop it over there and reclaim it before exiting.
- Sorry, buddy, I'll be back soon.
- Aw.
Huh? [ethereal music playing.]
[Shelby gasping.]
[gasps.]
Isn't it interesting how the artist has created something that looks like a sandwich to symbolize mankind's hunger for meaning.
[chews.]
[giggles nervously.]
Well, things didn't go so great without you.
Hmm.
[Boyster.]
Shelby, are you all right? - [Shelby.]
Mm-hmm.
- You didn't say a word all the way back.
[Shelby humphing.]
OK, I get it.
You're mad I left you alone, and you're giving me the silent treatment.
I don't blame you, I [with mouth full.]
"Silent treatment?" Mouth full.
[gasps.]
- Shelby, did you steal that? - I don't know, Boyster.
Is it stealing when two hearts are yearning to beat together, or is it obeying the highest law of all love? [Boyster.]
You're in love with her? Of course, I'm not in love with her.
I haven't completely lost my mind.
I'm in love with the shell.
Her name is Tina.
- But it's a painting.
- So, what's the problem? Mm, you're right! You guys actually make a pretty cute couple.
I'm going to show her the time of her life! We'll start in Venice, then Paris, then the Caribbean.
Wait.
[needle scratches record.]
I already used up all my miles on that spa retreat.
Don't worry, I think I can help.
Come on! [man vocalizing.]
[gulls squawking.]
[violins playing.]
[plates clinking.]
[tropical music playing.]
[squeaking.]
[chuckles.]
Boyster, I'm ready to ask Tina for her hand in marriage.
- I got this for her.
- Wow! How did you afford it? What do you mean? I just tore it out of a magazine.
Breaking news.
A daring daylight robbery at the museum.
Yes, the thief was a crafty little troublemaker but not crafty enough! He was so excited about stealing our precious painting that he actually drooled.
Which means we've got his DNA! All we have to do now is find a match.
In fact Guard! Test this man's DNA! [whimpering.]
We're coming for you, art stealer! Shelby, you could be in big trouble! So could you.
We're twins, remember? We have the same DNA.
We have to get Tina back to the museum.
I beg your pardon! You're talking about the future Mrs.
Shelonious Likowski, - PhD, DS, Esquire.
- We don't have a choice, Shelby.
Don't worry, you can still visit here every [wind blowing.]
Shelby! Drive, my darling.
What? Your license is expired? Not to worry.
[engine rumbling.]
[music.]
[laughing.]
Whoa! Whoa! [whimpering.]
[barks.]
Huh? [whimpering.]
Ouch! [yelling.]
[yells.]
Ow! [yelling.]
[sighs.]
Oh, Boyster, I'm deeply in your debt.
Listen, Shelby, we really gotta take Tina back.
If we get caught, we'll spend the rest of our lives in jail! [whimpering.]
Boyster's right, my love.
My selfishness has put you at grave risk.
It's time to go home.
[sobs.]
[sighs.]
Not a good idea.
Tina is the jealous type.
[nervous chuckling.]
So Shelby really wanted to marry the painting but he can't because if they test her DNA, we'll go to jail! I'm going to pretend I followed all that.
Works for me.
So once we get inside, you distract the guard while we put Tina back.
Ooh, photo booth! Ha! Deuces! She's not a photo booth, Ace, she's a body scanner.
Oh, sweet! I was wondering what happened to those.
This location is on full security lockdown.
[whimpers.]
Boyster, where are you going? - What about returning the - Mm? uh, yoga pants.
Yes, that is what we're doing.
[tires squealing.]
[cocking sound.]
There must be a way to put Tina back! Come on, everybody, think! [music.]
Ha! [printer whirring.]
[water gurgling.]
[chewing.]
OK, snack break's over.
Back to work! We got it! It's so simple! First, we dig a tunnel from here to the museum.
[Shelby.]
Once inside, we neutralize the guards - with a nerve agent.
- [Rafik.]
That's where you come in.
You'll take down the power grid along the Eastern Seaboard.
It's sheer genius! [laughing.]
Yeah! I haven't even shown you the best part yet.
The uniforms! [martial arts yelling.]
[needle scratches record.]
[Shelby.]
What? You know I don't wear black.
- It makes me look like a mussel.
- No one will see you.
The whole Eastern Seaboard's gonna be dark.
- [Shelby.]
Forget it.
- [Rafik.]
You're out then.
Who needs you.
Guys, I think I found our way in.
- Oh, but that's so boring.
- Maybe not.
[bites, chews.]
[Rafik.]
Move it or lose it, commoner! King Walla-Walla-Hoo- Walla-Hoo-Walla-Hoo, sovereign monarch of Baloney-stan, is coming through.
Alert your master.
We're honored Your Grace has chosen us.
- What does your collection consist of? - Oh, you know, the usual valuable stuff.
Horses, gold, baseball cards, the royal toenail clippings.
Hmm? Sounds a little odd.
I'm not sure it's right for our museum.
OK, so I guess you don't want that barrel of diamonds I was going to give you as a little thank you.
[gasps.]
Actually, I was just thinking the museum - needs to broaden its horizons a bit.
- That's more like it.
Uh, but before we seal the deal, I've heard there was a theft here.
How can I be sure my treasures will be safe? Rest assured, Your Grace, we just installed the most high-tech security system in the world.
[computers beeping.]
[cell phone chiming.]
Oh, the royal cell.
Why don't you fetch me a glass of chocolate milk while I take care of some king business.
Yes, Your Grace.
Would you like it with a bendy straw? I'm a king, of course I want it with a bendy straw! [chuckles nervously.]
- I'm in.
- Did you turn off the security system? Ha-ha! [power whirring down.]
You've got to go, but hurry, he'll be back any minute.
- Can you give us a minute? - Oh, sorry, Shelby.
I know how hard this must be for you.
I'll wait over here.
My darling Tina, I'm afraid the world just isn't ready for a shell to love an oil painting.
- Oh, hang the world! - Shelby, what are you doing? [straining grunts.]
Shelby! [straining grunts.]
[door lever creeks.]
Uh-oh, I gotta plug it back in.
[power whirring on.]
- Your Grace? - Down here, just tying the royal shoelace.
[chuckles.]
[both straining.]
[grunts, yells.]
[alarm blaring.]
[screaming.]
[alarm blaring.]
I'll be right back.
[alarm stops.]
I don't recognize this work.
[Rafik.]
Of course you don't, my servants managed to sneak this sculpture, "Oyster in the Raw," into your museum! You failed my security test! No diamonds for you! Good day! - Boss, look! - Hmm? [gasps.]
[glass shattering.]
Oh! Ooh! Ooh! [Shelby crying.]
Hey, buddy, maybe a little TV will make you feel better.
[sighs.]
The stolen masterpiece has been returned to the museum, but police still have no suspect in the theft.
Good girl, I knew Tina wouldn't talk.
DNA matching has proved fruitless, and the authorities are baffled.
[both.]
Whoo-hoo! - However - Huh? experts were able to use the DNA to create a sketch of the thief.
[both gasping.]
[computer beeping.]
It's magnificent! I must have it for the royal collection.
[laughing.]
[music.]
And I hope that detention was a lesson for you.
[Boyster.]
Hey, Rafik.
Saved you an ice cream cone from lunch.
Oh, this is supposed to be my way of saying sorry.
You never would have gotten detention if it wasn't for me.
[gasps.]
Yes! [crashing.]
- Who did that? - Sorry, just stretching my legs.
[chuckles.]
Two hours detention! Don't worry about it, dude.
We can't let anyone find out you're a [whispering.]
that you're different.
Yeah, but I feel bad.
You've been getting in trouble a lot because of me.
Hey, check this out! Bend it like Boyster! - Ah! - Blah! [growls.]
- Ozzy, I - Huh? didn't get you wet enough! [chuckles.]
[Ozzy growling.]
[yelling.]
Beautiful! [clapping.]
[sneezes.]
Oh! [growling.]
[whimpering.]
Bull's-eye! [snickers.]
[grunts.]
[man.]
And stay out! No prob.
It's not your fault you're a walking disaster.
Walking disaster? [video game beeping.]
Hey, it's just an expression.
I meant more like a basket case.
Is that what you think of me? Just saying without my help, you'd be, well, a hopeless train wreck.
Hey, I can get along just fine without your help.
In fact, next time there's a problem or an accident or - Banana peel.
- Yeah, banana peel.
Don't try to [screams.]
[grunting.]
So many stairs.
Ooh! You see what happens when you don't have Rafik there to rescue you? I'm fine.
[grunts.]
Don't move! An ambulance is on its way! [tires screech, siren wails.]
But I'm not hurt! We'll let the X-ray be the judge of that! Then report back here for detention! - No falling without permission! - Don't worry! I'm coming! I can't have an X-ray, I'm half oyster.
I don't have any bones.
- You see, this is why you need my help.
- No, I don't! [man.]
Boyster Likowski? Come with me.
- Is your name Boyster Likowski? - [chuckling.]
Thankfully no.
[whimpers.]
[needle scratches record.]
Ha-ha! - Uh, can I use the bathroom? - Fine, but be quick about it.
[gasps.]
[straining grunts.]
[panting.]
Huh? [straining grunts.]
[grunts.]
Huh? Um, growth spurt? [chuckles nervously.]
Wait here.
[bone cracks.]
Ow! [grunting.]
[bone cracks.]
Stop squirming or we'll be here all day.
[beeps.]
[machine whirring.]
[camera shutter clicks.]
OK, back to the waiting room.
[printer whirring.]
[gasping.]
[video game beeping.]
What's up with you? You look like a bag of coat hangers.
I swallowed a skeleton.
You see? I took care of the problem and I didn't need your help.
[groaning.]
Notice how awkwardly it moves in a man-made environment.
No doubt it wishes there were a branch or a vine to cling to.
[grunting.]
What's up, Doc? How's my friend doing? There are no apparent injuries, but we still have one more test to do.
- What kind of test? - Nothing to worry about.
If you'll just step into this completely safe, - non-dangerous room.
- Huh? [video game beeping.]
Yes! Level two.
[beeping.]
[grunts.]
Huh? - Doc? What happened? - Slight change of plans, I'm keeping you here for observation.
You're a medical marvel.
You've got the body of a human but the skeleton of an ape.
Ape? But wait, it's not my skeleton.
Ah, you were just keeping it for a friend, huh? [monkey gibbering.]
- Um, um - See, even the monkeys can tell.
[whirring.]
You're the missing link between ape and man.
[laughing evilly.]
Oh, boy.
At various points, I thought each of them was the missing link.
They're just very smart.
[gibbers.]
[screeches.]
[guzzling.]
But you are the real deal! You're going to make me famous, boy.
They laughed at my theories back at the academy, especially that sourpuss, Dr.
Morgan.
Well, we'll see who has the last laugh.
[laughing maniacally.]
[muffled.]
We'll see! [laughing maniacally.]
[straining grunts.]
[yells, grunts.]
[sighs.]
[straining grunts.]
Stupid skeleton! [monkey gibbering.]
Huh? [sighing.]
Aha! Ah! Oof! [crash.]
[whinnies.]
Huh? Mm, maybe a little help from Rafik wouldn't be so terrible.
[monkey gibbering.]
Is that a crocodile or an alligator? I don't know.
I just woke up like this.
Where is it? [gasps.]
[straining.]
[monkey gibbering.]
[screeches.]
Wow, I'm starting to wish I was part monkey.
So I guess the moral of the story is never fall asleep holding a steak, huh? [cell phone chiming.]
Uh, excuse me.
Hey, what's the hold up?! That crazy doctor kidnapped me.
He thinks I'm the missing link.
- He's got me in a cage with some apes.
- That is so cool! No, it's not.
You've got to help me.
- Rafik to the rescue? - Ooh, yes.
Rafik to the rescue.
All right! Now, let's triangulate your location.
What's the position of the sun? Do you see a desert? Can you describe any bird calls? Uh? Whoo! [gibbering.]
"If I'm lost, my daddy lives at 386 Simian Avenue!" The press and my peers will be here in ten minutes! Where did I put my tie? Hmm? Huh? Nice try, Linky, but you're not going to ruin this for me now.
[gulps.]
[gasps.]
Oh! Ooh! Don't swallow anything solid and lumpy, kid.
Doctor's advice.
I'm gonna need something fizzy.
[whimpering.]
- [Rafik.]
You? - Huh? - How can you live like this? - Rafik! Ha! Rafik to the rescue! - Where's the key? - Inside the evil genius.
That seems to be the only way out.
Oh.
Sorry, guess my rescuing skills are a little rusty.
It's OK.
We'll get out of here.
We just have to work together.
[both.]
Yeah! Now, let's see what we got.
Tire swing, jungle gym.
- [Rafik.]
Bunch of monkeys.
- Smart monkeys.
I like your thinking.
We can get them to do our homework.
[needle scratches record.]
No! Monkey see, monkey do! Follow my lead! [gibbering.]
[grunts.]
Hmm? OK, guys.
Now it's your turn.
[grunt.]
[monkey grunts.]
[grunts.]
[grunts.]
[straining noises.]
That was awesome! You're up! [monkeys grunting.]
[Boyster grunts.]
Gotcha! [grunting.]
Hang on! Ya! [straining noises.]
[belches.]
[both.]
Ya! You OK? I don't know how people walk around with those things.
[monkey gibbering.]
Thanks for the help, guys.
- [doctor.]
This way! - Huh? No pushing.
Everyone will get a good view.
Good afternoon, members of the press, fellow scientists, Dr.
Morgan.
You've all mocked me for years.
Well, prepare to eat a heaping helping of crow! I present, in all its living, breathing glory, the missing link! [all.]
Aw! [gasps.]
[people murmuring.]
What Dr.
Goodall, your so-called "missing link" is clearly made of plastic.
Another of your pathetic flights of fancy.
- No, no! - Like that time you thought you saw a baboon driving a car.
It was a mandrill, and it was flying a plane! Hmm, I think we've all seen enough.
Don't go.
[straining noises.]
[all.]
Oh! It's probably just hiding.
I'll find it.
Oh, Linky? Linky? I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation.
[creaking.]
[gasps.]
Help! Help! He-e-e-elp! [coughing.]
I must have swallowed some monkey fur back there.
I got you covered.
[grunts.]
Ow! Who did that? [gibbering.]
Oh, rotten exchange students.
Always causing trouble.
[gibbering.]
Come back here! - Banana peel.
- Whoa! [crash.]
[monkeys gibbering.]