Bullet in the Face (2012) s01e03 Episode Script

1 Shit! What was that? It's just that weird kid in his room.
He's too old for a babysitter.
But I'm not.
I need you to just sit on this, baby.
You say the most romantic things.
Ah, finally! Is he good? Is he bad? Psychopath or sexy cad? Sinner or saint? The sinner fell But the saint wound up in hell We took his face Gave him another He changed his place Bullet in the face Poor woman.
A single mother goes on her first date in months and comes home to this.
Tragic.
What about the poor guy? Hope he still got laid.
You personally requested this case, Gunter.
Why? I find it delightful.
If children are our future, this kid is the apocalypse.
Restores my faith in the young people.
You're the mother of the boy who did this, yes? Klaus was a good boy.
He never did anything wrong before.
Guess this makes him a late bloomer.
I have no idea where he got that gun.
When I was his age, the only weapon I could get my hands on was a meat cleaver.
I would have killed for a gun.
Gunter! Even for you, this is despicable.
You're disturbing a woman already very disturbed.
I did not see a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door, Mr.
Goodbar.
How should I behave, hmm? She is grieving.
Just don't contradict anything she says.
somehow my fault.
It is.
You are completely to blame.
You should have used birth control.
This boy shows promise! I see the makings of a fine sociopath.
Not funny.
The boy's life has been ruined.
We have to find out why.
I already know.
He's part of the necessary evil that makes life interesting.
Think how many entertaining movies there are thanks to Hitler.
Without him, would Sophie have a choice? Would Schindler have a list? Would Jurassic have a park? What made you this way, Gunter? Didn't your mother hold you? She did underneath the bath water.
But I could hold my breath.
I was bred on the dark side, Hagerman.
And I'm wearing someone else's goddamn face.
Let's see what we find here.
My daughters are always spending hours online, talking to cute boys.
Huh Do they screen them for you? I see a lot of emails from friends, but only one with a fascination for guns.
A kid named Fassbinder.
I didn't know computer people also loved guns.
The gun and the computer mouse are very similar.
They both point and click.
Checkmate.
Herr Tannhauser, you pay me handsomely to practise with you, but I always feel so guilty about beating you.
Well, you shouldn't.
Because you have won merely battles.
Games are battles.
I will win wars.
Still doesn't help you beat me though.
I didn't beat you this time.
Maybe next time.
I just got off the phone with your new partner.
The drug shipment arrived in Tangier undetected.
The delivery method you devised was a success.
Now this, this is checkmate! Checkmate against Racken.
Racken, who considers himself a wannabe drug-trafficking king.
I will crush him.
I will best him with my knowledge honed from this board, honed from your mind, sucked into my mind, and then blown out in a very usable way.
Racken may be a master of Parcheesi, but I will be a master of chess.
Look at you.
Do you know if it's a boy or a girl? Yes! Do you know if it's gonna be a boy or a girl? Ultrasound you're supposed to send me.
Where? Is he a girl or is she a boy? Maybe it doesn't matter.
Maybe Whether he is a she or she is a he, it does not matter, for they will be a masterpiece.
And why? For they possess the seed of a god! Which is me.
Hmm We got a urine sample from the boy.
- How did you get that? - When he peed on my leg.
Somebody get me adoption papers.
It says there are designer drugs in his system.
How does a kid afford designer drugs? We can't question him in this psychotic episode we're watching.
I will give him a commercial break.
Let me in to speak with the boy.
Please, God, no.
I have a way with kids, Hagerman.
I've used several as hostages.
Fetch me a blow-dryer.
I'm sure you keep one on you at all times somewhere in your man purse.
It's in my locker.
Guten tag! My little intern of evil! Hmm You've had a busy day.
You killed 2 people, but you missed your school lunch.
You are bad to the bone.
And your bones of contention need nutrition.
Therefore, I brought snacks.
Yes! Kids love popcorn, huh? But before we party, you will tell me where you got the gun.
And who is your friend named Fassbinder, hmm? All right, devil boy, it's party time! Ah! Heh heh! Oh, oh! Poppity, poppity, poppity! Answer me or I will ferment beer and serve it in your asshole to war veterans.
Huh? Who is Fassbinder? He's my friend from school.
He gave me the gun.
And the drugs? Did they come from him too, huh? Klaus was a model student.
It anguished me to give him failing grades.
His father had left him.
He was feeling very abandoned.
Children benefit from a strong father figure.
Yes.
When I ran away from home, my father adopted a child the same age to continue the abuse.
You two, you're supposed to be studying the Thousand Year War! Stop fighting! You have no control over your kids.
You cannot control children, only guide them.
- Do you have children? - Not yet.
You're a very handsome man.
Are you seeing anyone? Yeah, I'm seeing you.
Tell us about a student named Fassbinder.
Fassbinder isn't a student.
He's the custodian.
Klaus bonded with him.
He looked for a father figure.
And where were you? Who's your daddy? Is Fassbinder here today? Actually, that's him.
Fassbinder, we'd like a few words with you, as well as complete sentences.
Listen up! Gunter, Gunter, Gunter! Gunter! Gunter, for the love of God! This is a big game.
And I am a big-game hunter.
Drop the gun, Fassbinder, or I will shoot you.
And not only will you drop the gun, you'll drop with it, because you'll both be dead.
I mean, the gun won't be dead, but you will both drop.
Shut up, Hagerman! The next shot I make is your head, and it's a slam dunk! He's having a heart attack.
I'll give him the breath of life.
That's for drowning victims, Hagerman.
Are you using your tongue? Fassbinder died of cardiac arrest and, apparently, Hagerman's inability to choose the right form of resuscitation.
Read my lips, Hagerman.
CPR! Fassbinder was pumped up on more drugs than the boy.
Well, he was taller.
A dangerous mix of barbiturates, hallucinogens and amphetamines.
It was crazy-making, and he was already crazy.
Who would supply a student and a janitor with designer drugs? I found that in the kid's room.
Same drinks were also in the school's vending machines.
The drinks are spiked.
And since energy drinks taste like goat piss, the drugs mixed right in.
Figures you're an expert on drugs.
Long time junkie are you? No, casual user.
I'd shoot heroine, then lay in a hammock screaming about how sunshine tickled.
Shut up, Hagerman! I didn't say anything.
Preemptive.
Leistungsbedarf is a new energy drink we're test marketing.
I'm outraged that someone has tampered with our product.
It's bad enough what they're doing to us in the States.
Trying to get children to eat more fruits and vegetables? Could perhaps a disgruntled employee be the culprit? I don't have disgruntled employees.
Everybody loves me, even the stockholders pinch my cheeks.
Very well.
We'll return tomorrow with a warrant to search the premises.
Thank you for your time and the free ginger ale.
I've always preferred hard liquor, ever since I was 3.
Ah Ooh! What did those well-groomed men want? Shipments of Leistungsbedarf were only supposed to go to Tangier, as per Tannhauser's instructions.
Some cans found their way into local vending machines! Well, the-- the truck drivers must have screwed up! What do we do? Please, I'm weak.
I must be told.
We do the same as if you were at home with just a little drugs.
But in this case, we have a lot.
You want me to swallow them? Close, my dear.
Don't touch me, you pig.
I heard my friend died, Mr.
Fassbinder.
Did you kill him? No.
The people who tampered with your drinks are to blame.
Actually, you're lucky.
You will not be held accountable for your crimes.
You were out of your mind on drugs.
Most that will happen is you will spend a few years in a mental home, enjoying lots of bread pudding and nature documentaries.
I don't believe you.
And you shouldn't.
You shouldn't trust anything anyone tells you.
Adults lie to kids all the time.
Politicians tell you, "Stay in school," but they were poor students.
Priests tell you not to touch yourself, but they touch you.
Cops tell you not to use drugs but get drunk and crash their car into a special-needs school bus.
You're lying to me.
I don't trust your face.
Neither do I.
It's not mine.
Civilization is a prison.
And the only human beings who are truly free are criminals.
I have a child coming.
I hope it's a boy and it's just like you, Klaus.
The world is a wicked place and deserves to be punished for its hypocrisies.
These hurt.
My bad.
Then I shall set you free.
I'm running late for a tryst.
When a man is late, he's cool.
When a woman is late, she's pregnant.
Remember, always wear watches and condoms.
The drug shipment was compromised.
The trucks delivered the drugs to local vendors.
This is Racken! He controls the trucking.
God! That bizarre toothbrush of a man! I do not like him.
And who is telling him my plans? Colour me pissed off! Dortmunder says he's dumping the remainder of the shipment.
That is a mistake! Ultrasound.
Do you have ultra-- Where are you? Ultrasound, do you have it? This is inside you? Oh! Oh, no, it's much more All right.
No, that looks weird too.
This looks like something in a tumble dryer.
But I suppose that's what's actually happening.
Must be your strange gypsy genes.
Well done! Ah! Oh! Are you all right? I have a hard time getting a good night's sleep.
Oh my goodness! It is hard.
I don't have school until later.
Right now, I have no class.
I noticed.
Oh! Oh yes! What do you want? I'm in the middle of a woman! Careful, that is how you get girls pregnant.
You never call to chitchat.
A Ouija board is more social.
What do you want? Tannhauser is growing more suspicious the baby is not his.
Goo-goo, gaga! This is not the time for baby talk.
Fine, but we will have to discuss this problem soon enough.
No, no, Martine! You're a very popular man.
I feel very lucky you could squeeze me in.
Good, good.
Glad you called.
I am ready to talk about our relationship.
Well, I appreciate that, Gunter.
But we don't have time for that right now.
I need you to get down to the station.
It's urgent.
Yeah, I'm coming.
I'm I'm coming soon.
Never underestimate company loyalty.
Some people even brought their children to help dispose of the drugs.
Your quick thinking saved us.
You're a fine leader.
Oh But what about Tannhauser? Oh, he's clearly a class act.
He sent me a box of cigars.
Allow me to get you some matches.
Smart girl.
We have many reporters out in the field, but we've lost touch with more Assure city officials that I will put a lid on this cauldron! It's a metaphor, idiot! Gunter, did you see all the people running wild in the streets, looting, crashing cars? Nobody knows what's causing it.
It's the world going to hell.
Let's skywrite instructions how to commit suicide, help the undecided.
What is in this cup? Drugs.
Are hard narcotics part of some healthcare plan? They're so easy to get in this city.
The water supply must be contaminated.
How could this be happening? I'm gonna have to go on television today and warn the public.
How do I look? Any smile lines? - Ugh! - Gunter You're disappointed, aren't you? Everything that's happening around us, it isn't evil.
It's chemicals.
That poor boy was under the influence, and you convinced him he was bad.
I'd pray for your soul, but you don't have one.
Hagerman, you're like a snowflake that doesn't melt.
Who is this? I've taken your advice.
I've gone back to school.
Back where I will be what I was meant to be bad.
Please don't do this.
- Move.
- Please Officer, what's happening? Students and teachers are rampaging.
We called in sharpshooters.
Oh, and one crazy boy has taken a hostage.
That's his mother.
I'll talk to the boy.
Jenkins, around the back! Just me.
Guten tag.
See? I'm not trusting adults.
I'm gonna kill this woman and get all the credit.
Please watch me.
No, no, no! You do not want to harm this woman.
You have already killed 2 people, and there is something called the Third Reich-- sorry-- third-strike law.
Fate had dealt us both bad cards.
But I was already guilty.
You can still get out of here.
But she deserves to die for giving me bad grades! Son, my bad.
My evil.
I was wrong about you.
This is not who you are.
Besides, look at her.
She's not worth wasting a bullet on, hmm? No woman is.
They're weak, like butterflies.
And this woman is particularly worthless.
Let her go, boy.
Let her go.
Hmm? Slowly give the gun to your teacher.
Yes.
Huh? Ah, ah! Drop it! I'm referring to the gun.
- Oh! - Mom? There are EMTs who can help you.
No! I was only shot in the face, like I always am.
And the more it happens, the more I love it! Checkmate.
But you're definitely improving.
For a moment, I thought you were gonna beat me.
And you're right.
He said I was getting better.