Bump (2021) s01e03 Episode Script

1
('SOPHIE' BY ARLO PARKS PLAYS)
OLY: Mm
- LACHIE: Oh.
- It's not
SONG: and take your vitamins ♪
Bite your nails and
sell your Ritalin ♪
Are you sure you don't want some lube?
I feel like the world ♪
Um yeah. I guess.
I'm just a kid I suffocate ♪
I got it specially 'cause it's, like,
it's a bit more viscous than the others.
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Oh, it's super secure too.
(LAUGHS) LOL.
suffocate and slip ♪
I hate that we're all sick ♪
Is that good?
I'm blowing bubbles
in the faces of thugs ♪
I'm smoking licorice tobacco ♪
Maybe you could go on top instead.
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
And I'm lacking in trust ♪
OK.
I look inside my
head with disgust ♪
(LACHIE GRUNTS)
so I listen to funk ♪
I bend to the punch ♪
Then pretend that I'm fine ♪
When really I'm crushed ♪
- Ow.
- Oh.
- (HEADS THUD)
- LACHIE: Oh!
Mm!
I'm so sorry. Are you OK?
I feel like the world is on my back ♪
Shut your mouth and
take your vitamins ♪
Bite your nails and
sell your Ritalin ♪
I feel like the world is on its back ♪
I'm just a kid ♪
Oh. Um sorry.
One sec.
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
I'm just a kid I suffocate and slip ♪
I hate that we're all sick ♪
Hey, um
You know we don't have to
do this if you don't want to.
It's It's fine.
We got this.
Is that good?
Um
- OK.
- That's
- Oh.
- That's not the
- ('LIL BICH' BY ZEKIEL PLAYS)
- Oh. Oh!
Oh, that's (LAUGHS)
That's not the algorithm I planned for.
SONG: You the same lil bich ♪
Just gonna change it. Oh.
What's your name, lil bich ♪
(SILENCE)
I think I need to go.
Oh. (BREATHES HEAVILY)
- We can just spoon.
- Um
(SNIFFS)
I don't sort of feel good.
I love you.
('AIRPLANE' BY LATIN BITMAN)
Oh, hello!
Oh!
This is for you.
Mm! You sure you don't want to come in?
No, thank you.
Oh. Cheers.
(BABY BURBLES)
SONG: One more to die ♪
Gracias.
Life's like a airplane ♪
Yeah ♪
Sometimes I get pain ♪
Dry up your rain ♪
The pilot is insane ♪
ANGIE: Sorry, but we can't hide a baby
from the other half of its family.
We're not. Bernardita knows.
- You know what I mean.
- No, I don't.
(ANGIE SIGHS AND CLICKS TONGUE)
Would you stop fussing?
Are you worried about
Are you not not sure if Santi is
Obviously he is.
I'm just trying to
understand so I can help!
If it's not that, why wouldn't
we just get it out in the open?
Why are you obsessed with this?
I'm not. I'm just saying
truth will come to light.
OK, Mum, if you would
like to be helpful,
standing in the driveway
sprouting clichés isn't it.
'Spouting', not 'sprouting'.
And we're not in a driveway.
What are you doing?
I'd rather walk than get
driven by a superior cow.
Oh, sweetheart, there's no prizes
for making today hard for yourself.
Oh, my God!
Mum, if women can climb mountains
to get their children
to another country,
then I'm pretty sure that I
can handle Pyrmont Bridge Road.
Ita, you promised me that
you weren't gonna do that.
You're not even a good liar.
Stop sneaking over there.
OK, just let me deal with it. I'm
Wow. Deal with what?
Nothing.
Nothing! Everything's
nothing with you, Santi.
BERNARDITA: You know this house.
It's really nothing, Dad. It's
just Abuela messing around.
You know I've got spies at school.
I can find out everything.
Then go ahead and ask 'em.
Hey! I don't have spies at school.
- Sure you don't want an Uber?
- Why is everybody so dramatic?
- Because you look deranged.
- I'm clearly very balanced.
Are you ready for today?
You never really told me
how we're meant to be
moving forward with this.
Hello! Our history WIP.
How am I the one managing
our collective focus?
I had a rhythm.
Why are you bringing the baby to school?
Because I'm keeping it.
Can I please walk now?
Wait. Wait. Like, you're keeping it?
Well, that's mental! (LAUGHS)
- You've gone mental.
- Well
If I don't bond with her properly,
she'll become, like, a
mass murderer or something.
- What?!
- I don't know.
So, am I still meant to be the father?
I don't know!
(LAUGHS) Well, my dad's gonna kill me.
Lachie!
I just had a baby.
My boobs are giant burning rocks.
So I'm sorry if I don't
have the brain space
to deal with you and your psycho dad.
But you have the brain
space to deal with
some stupid presentation
that's not even assessable!
It's my education.
What?!
Hey, Oly, it's me.
Um, just checking if you're
OK. Can you text me, please?
- (ANGIE SIGHS)
- Everything alright?
Uh Whew.
There is a lot going on, yeah. Um
Yeah, a lot to get our heads around.
Hey, if you need some fresh
air or a family outing
You said you'd come
to the Latin Festival.
Oh, yeah, um
Yeah, I don't know. I don't
When has Angie ever
said no to some dancing?
Mm.
Let's get some culture into the baby.
Just because she's not Latina
doesn't mean she has to suffer.
I really should find Oly.
And if Jacinda Ardern can
bring her baby to the
Prime Minister's office,
I think it's reasonable that
I can bring my baby to school.
- (BABY BURBLES)
- Shh.
You don't want to join
the school mothers program?
We can transfer you very easily.
Excuse me.
What are you
Oh, it's just a breast.
Yeah, well, that's easy for you to say.
You really might be more comfortable
at the mothers program.
Who might be more comfortable?
It's all set up specially,
and babies can be very disruptive
in a regular classroom environment.
Boys are disruptive. Do they
get sent to a special program?
Gender equality in education
is a destination, sir,
not a diversion.
I worry for the babies of today.
Now, that poor baby, you know, she
What's her name?
Um
Bro, you need to meditate.
You need to free your mind.
(LAUGHS)
VINCE: Oh, Papa Dawg.
(GIRLS LAUGH AND CHATTER)
- Here's the baby!
- Oh!
- She's so beautiful.
- Oh, my God, she is so sweet.
- Her cheeks are so red.
- Oly, what's her name?
I'm waiting to see what
name suits her personality.
- How long does that take?
- They don't do anything yet.
It'd be better if they could
speak straight out of the womb.
Will you make her bilingual?
- Um
- Yeah.
Hopefully.
Good morning, you crazy Ninja Turtles.
(SOMEONE LAUGHS)
(BABY BURBLES)
Ah-ha-ha! Ho-ho-ho! Whoa!
Another mind to brainwash.
(STUDENTS GROAN)
I'll remember that response
when I'm marking your exams.
- Okey-dokey, who's ready to go?
- Yes!
No, Oly, you don't
have to present today.
- We're ready.
- You don't have to stand up.
- MR HANOVER: OK.
- Everybody needs to meditate.
(BABY BURBLES)
We were thinking about
different models of action
related to women's education,
and the relative outcomes for girls
in particular regions
to
To analyse the effectiveness
of those outcomes
in different societal cultures.
Have you decided what
campaigns you might focus on?
- Contraception for all! (LAUGHS)
- (OTHERS LAUGH)
MR HANOVER: Alright,
alright, that's enough.
Um, we'll choose two
and we'll compare them.
(BABY GRIZZLES)
(BABY CRIES)
- (SILENCE)
- OLY: Um
- Um, so we were thinking
- (BABY CRIES)
Sorry.
Nah, come on, Dad, share
that emotional load.
- (OTHERS LAUGH)
- (TALIA LAUGHS) Daddy!
FEMALE STUDENT: Daddy!
- Papa!
- (OTHERS LAUGH)
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES AND FADES)
(VOICE ECHOES) Daddy. Daddy.
(MYSTICAL MUSIC)
Sorry, puchita.
The feminist is busy right now.
(IMITATES EXPLOSION)
Lachie, wait!
Hey, wait!
When were you even in
the same place as him?
- This is so embarrassing.
- I know.
Do you?!
Do you have any idea how lame it is
to cheat on me and
have some stoner baby?
He's not a stoner.
- He's introspective.
- He's introspective?
(LAUGHS) What, do you like him?
Oly
Hey
VINCE: That was alright.
Look.
- Oh, shit. Fuck.
- SANTI: Huh?
- Oh, shit.
- Keep going, keep going.
Do I have to hear it from someone else?
You don't want to tell me?
You don't want me to know you anymore?
Your life?
I didn't even know, Dad.
But now you do.
Be the one to tell me.
The baby, Dad. There's
a baby. And it's mine.
I'm the dad.
I'm so I'm sorry, Dad, I
Hijo, I love you.
(BERNARDITA HUMS)
(DIALLED PHONE RINGS)
This is Lachie. You know what to do.
ANGEL: Are you excited to be
stuck in here all day with me?
Mm-hm.
And I can save you from this
boring-ass family all day.
I don't need saving.
Just because you have
an Australian baby,
don't forget who you are.
Don't worry about it.
I don't worry about it.
I'm just saying, don't
forget who you are.
(UPBEAT LATIN SONG IN SPANISH)
(SINGS IN SPANISH)
DOM: Hey? (LAUGHS)
(HUMS) Hey? I'm Latin as.
OK, you're banned from talking
for the rest of the day.
Why? (HUMS)
Oh, my God, stop! Stop.
You said it would be less
awkward to meet here, not more.
Yeah, exactly. Imagine if he
was doing this in their house.
What? I'm just getting into the spirit.
- It's baby's first salsa.
- Salsa is Cuban.
We're only staying half an hour.
(DOM SIGHS)
I don't want her overstimulated.
We can just have them over if
you don't want to go in there.
- Yeah, if it's too much
- No, no, no.
Um, we're here.
You guys don't want to meet
them? We have to meet them.
Just please be normal.
Ange!
Hi! Hi.
Hey, how are you?
Hello, Oly. How are you?
Dom, Matias. Matias, Dom.
Hey.
Whoa! That is a handshake.
- We haven't got any tickets.
- That's what I'm here for.
You're family. Come on. Come with me.
Oh, not sold out?
(LATIN MUSIC CONTINUES)
I found them.
Thanks to God!
I was dying to meet
Matias's little work friend.
- Hi!
- Hello!
- Hi.
- Hello.
Yeah, well, you must be so tired, no?
Hm.
Is this our baby Hernandez?
MATIAS: Guys, this is
Bernardita, Santi's grandmother.
So nice to meet you for the
very first time ever in my life.
Yes, and it's lovely to meet you.
Thank you.
- Good to meet you.
- Good to meet you.
Hi, I'm Angie.
- Bernardita?
- Hello, Angie.
Hello!
I can, yes?
Sorpresa, sorpresa, sorpresa!
(MATIAS SPEAKS SPANISH)
Sorpresa.
Oh, beautiful!
Oh, don't think we'll be needing this.
They're so awkward, this family, no?
Half an hour, we smoke-bomb
and blame it on the baby.
(BERNARDITA TALKS INDISTINCTLY TO BABY)
OLY: Where is she taking her?
(POP MUSIC PLAYS)
(MYSTICAL MUSIC)
(BAND PLAYS LATIN MUSIC)
DOM: Mm!
Eat something while you can, darling.
I should get the baby back.
Matias got two wives, has he?
ANGIE: I don't know who that is.
DOM: Ho-ho! Whoa!
It's pretty normal.
Dance-fucking someone else's husband?
ANGIE: Yeah. The sexier it
is, the less you have to worry.
(DOM SCOFFS)
Which you would know if you
had kept coming to the lessons.
DOM: Whatever.
I'm gonna have a look at this.
She's dressed too warm for today.
- Oh.
- But she's pretty now.
Rosa
- SANTI: Hola, Ita.
- Hola.
- Mwah!
- Hola.
Oly, come here.
- SANTI: No, no, no, no. Ita.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Ita, we don't need to do that.
- We don't need
- No, no, no.
(BERNARDITA SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
OK.
BERNARDITA: Little bit closer.
(MYSTICAL MUSIC)
(POP MUSIC PLAYS)
(CAMERA CLICKS)
Like a family.
Aw! The newest little Hernandez!
- ANGIE: Hi, Santi.
- Hi, Ms Davis.
You are doing so well.
I would have told everyone
to fuck off by now.
- Let's find you somewhere quiet.
- OLY: I'll go.
- You sure? You alright?
- I'll be back in a minute.
Where's she going? We
should get a big photo.
She's gonna feed the baby.
- Then we should have a dance.
- Oh, no, we're heading off.
We We She's tired.
We're gonna go soon.
You're not going anywhere
without having a dance.
Eso!
Don't forget to move
those tight hips of yours.
(BAND PLAYS LIVELY SONG)
(RHYTHMIC SINGING AND PERCUSSION)
Just relax, my friend.
Why didn't you say anything to me?
About what?
You knew it was Santi.
Yeah, um, for a couple of days.
Um, I should look out for Oly.
You knew I had a granddaughter
and you let me find
out with everyone else.
Yeah, I promised Oly.
Why would you hide it?
This makes us family.
Yeah, I know.
- GIRL ON RECORDING: Oh!
- (LACHIE LAUGHS)
(WHOOPING ON RECORDING)
(BABY BURBLES)
So what does it mean when the dance
looks like two people
who have fucked before?
- It's just dancing.
- Is Matias the guy?
(LAUGHS) Is he the one?
Where's Oly?
Ange, did you have a crack at him
before or after you knew you
were kind of related to him?
Could we do that smoke bomb now?
Definitely. Let's go.
Oh, no, I'll get the pram.
Oh. Is that
OLY: No, wait.
Hey.
(SNIFFS)
Are you OK?
So, are you going to tell
Oly or do you want me to?
Don't be ridiculous.
You know you don't have to be
polite to people who snub you.
She didn't snub me.
They come, they go. Bye-bye.
Why are you always so aggro?
Aggro?
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
Why aren't you aggro, you
weak canguro piece of shit?
You get a girl pregnant,
you don't even know her,
and you don't care that
she doesn't know you.
She will never see you, not like me.
Hey, what's going on?
He's so aggro.
Hey, is everything OK?
They didn't stay long.
It's a big change. It's a big change.
Yeah.
(SIGHS)
- What are you doing?
- Can you hug me, like normal?
I fucking hate you.
What?
(BABY CRIES)
You better get that.
(BABY CONTINUES CRYING)
(SIGHS)
- Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh.
- (BABY CRIES)
Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh.
(BABY CRIES)
No, don't. I'm sorry.
I hate everything about you.
(DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)
(BABY BURBLES)
Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh.
Hey, sh-sh-sh.
(ANIMATED LATIN MUSIC)