Can't Cope, Won't Cope (2016) s01e03 Episode Script
Welcome to Ireland
I am so sorry to hear about Christian's death.
He's not even dead three hours and you got her to reinvest! Fair play to her persistence.
Hey! Danielle, pick up your phone.
Why didn't you tell me Ferg was trying to ring me? I didn't see them.
Apparently my work has no personality.
Why the hard to get all of a sudden? If I wanted to watch people all over each other, I'd go dogging.
Brake like, come on! I am braking! It is morning, the sun is coming up, we've stolen a car, enough is enough.
? When I was young I knew just what to do? ? Walking down On Beechwood Avenue? ? I'm not too old For sympathy? ? For culture That is crushing me? ? If I'm alive in 2025? Just make sure you buy them their first drink but don't labor it, okay.
I'll have spoken to the bar staff.
Just, just try and act professional, like you're representing a billion Of course.
-Yeah, yeah, obviously like.
This is almost about as much you would make on the canal, yeah? Oh, way more, kid, unless you want the basic package.
What can I get for 100 euro, huh? Guys! Because this is exactly what I meant by professional.
You didn't say what kind of professional.
Kate! I promise, I will be so professional.
I will show these Americans the best, most civil night they've ever experienced.
We will.
Promise.
-We swear.
On the Bible.
The Holy Bible.
How much, come on, come on, how much? You're not that expensive! Ferg here, don't leave a message, I never check them.
I am on the absolute breadline.
I really can't drink much tonight.
Choco Rice and coke, nutritious.
The unforgettable taste of childhood neglect.
I'll keep you a drink if you come home with me tonight.
You are so sweet! Deal? Stop propositioning me at my desk Lorcan! That's a yes.
Someone's popular on email today.
Have you come straight from a club? No, like, I've been working on this all night.
Hmm.
Yeah, good.
Still working stuff out.
So, have you thought any more about Vancouver? No, look, I don't think an exchange is for me.
Really? So the pilgrimage from Cork to Dublin is as far as you'll go, is it? No, but These are the years to be outside of your comfort zone, Danielle.
There's nothing stopping you.
Okay, so what are you having? I'd love a mineral water with no ice and a slice of lime.
That's just perfect.
Jennifer, come on now, what'll it be? I'm having a double vodka and soda water.
I've had quite enough, honey.
Were you drinking before we arrived? No, no.
Jennifer, I was planning on us having the craic! Are you on antibiotics, pregnant? No, I've had quite enough alcohol in my day.
Nothing says you've got a problem, lady, like waking up on the sidewalk.
Well, at 3 a.
m.
, that's funny, and at 3 p.
m.
, that's alcoholism.
Uh-uh, it's the latter, at any time of the day.
So, just a mineral water, yeah? Yeah.
No ice, slice of lime.
Well, this is going off like us prawns in the sun anyway.
I don't know.
My guy's a good laugh, he knows how to down a drink, though.
I'm on round two! Yeah, well, who knew Jennifer was an alcho! She sounds like she was mental, I wish she was still drinking.
Sorry, can I get another Sure.
And can I get a double vodka coke, a mineral water with no ice and lime.
No problem.
And two sneaky shots of tequila please.
Are you for real? I told you I'd keep you in drink, just be subtle.
Well, I am the definition of subtle.
Exquisite.
Oh, thank you.
Aisling can you get Jennifer a proper drink please? I've asked her already, she's an alcoholic.
Jennifer, I am so, so sorry.
Your table is ready now.
Thank you.
Um Jennifer! Danielle here, leave a message.
Danielle, the Americans are over, horrific setup.
I just outed my client as an alcho and Lorcan keeps buying me drinks so I'll sleep with him, please come.
The man, in a snow globe with the snow, rainbow, baby rainbow, swirls, drops and boats.
No, I think yours is the best.
They're both the best, they're twins.
They could be twins, you're right.
You know, when I was little like you, I wanted to grow up to be a twin.
That's stupid.
You can't just grow a twin.
That is silly, isn't it? Should we put these up for your mam? Yeah.
Okay.
Right, into bed.
Ready, I am going to time you to get into the bed but, uh-uh, wait, ready Go! One, two Kate, I'm sorry, I am so sorry.
Are you completely stupid, Aisling? I mean, has all the alcohol migrated and pooled in your brain? I could fire you right now.
This is also your fault.
Look, Jennifer is inside with the guys happy out munching on calamari.
She won't remember any of it tomorrow.
Yes she will, recovering alcoholics remember everything.
Will I get you a lighter? I have one! Don't be such a lick arse, Aisling, I know what you're doing.
Are you still annoyed about your brother, is that it? Aisling, I don't give a shit who you and my brother have sex with.
That's a major client in there, not some school teacher you want to go on the lash with.
Well, I didn't mean it, and she should have told me it was a secret.
Of course it's a secret, it's alcoholism.
Do you want me to light that for you? No.
Randy, that's so true, I've always wanted to go there.
It's a beautiful place.
Yeah, so beautiful, I've only seen it in pictures, but wow, like, it's fucking good.
Well, it's a must see.
It's a must see.
A mussy? I don't know what a mussy is.
You must see it.
Oh, I must see it, oh, I'd love to see it, yeah, I didn't know with your accent, it's so nice, you got a good voice like caramel, swear to God, like whoo.
Hey, where Just there.
All right, cool.
-Watch her.
Okay, I'll see you later.
what she got, though.
Hi.
Aisling.
-Mm.
Hiya.
Danielle.
Jennifer.
Oh, wow, I have heard so much about you.
Is Christian really dead? The Daily Mail reckons he's not.
E Oh, sorry, I must have the wrong Jennifer, one of Aisling's clients is was Christian J and he had a Jennifer running his accounts.
I bet he's not dead! Like, he lied about his age, I've seen a copy of his passport and he is a full on pensioner.
That is highly confidential information! Now, I'm assuming if I ask Kate over there, she would say you worked on her team and that's how you know about my client's funds.
Sure I used to run the place, yeah, managed all the funds, money, did it all.
Too stressful for me though, so you know.
Hi, how was dinner? Delicious.
Ugh! That's a corn plaster.
Most of it was good though.
Here.
-Shots.
Randy, I will make you millions if you get us out of this restaurant and come with us on the ultimate Irish clubbing experience.
You got it.
Neck these, we're leaving.
Aisling! Aisling, come on.
Randy, you'll love Coppers.
Randy! Randy, I'll run at you and you're going to lift me.
What? Dirty Dancing.
That's not this track! -It is like.
I didn't know they had a thing.
Randy, I'd try to explain, but I'd need graphs.
Come here! Come on, it's time.
It's time! Could you not be like a little bit chivalrous? Chivalry is dead.
Grand, but I'm not paying for the taxi.
I always pay for the taxi! No, you do not, the time we were at the airport hotel, I paid and I was on the bread-line.
Randy, I'm so glad we're friends.
I'm going to think of you every time I have one of these cigarettes.
That's a cigar.
Oh, yeah.
Have you and your girlfriend ever been to the States? Nah, she doesn't like to travel.
That's weird.
Last time we went away, she booked a cheap holiday to Puerto Rico and she sulked the whole week because we ended up in the Canaries and not the Caribbean.
Well, it's a good thing she's not attached to your hip.
She might as well be, we're basically the same person like.
Freshers week, we woke up in a pool of vomit and we didn't know if it was hers or mine.
Oh, TMI.
Did you just hear what you said? Oh, yeah.
Oh, here.
Shh.
Lorcan, your taste in soft furnishings makes me think you're better off having sex with a man! Shh! Shh, shut up! Why? Shh, Rebecca is upstairs, shut up.
Are you for real? Shh, please, please.
Jesus Christ Lorcan, does she live here? Shh, she just I should have known when I seen the throw! Lorcan I thought Rebecca was a very casual arrangement for you, I didn't know she was your co-habiting partner for fuck sake.
Did you see where I threw my underwear? No.
Well, if you see them, don't keep them.
Am I late? I'm not.
Aisling, can I see you in the conference room please? Can I take my coat off, no? Now! No.
What's going on? I don't think she was too impressed with you last night.
Funny I was just about to say the same thing to you.
Close the door.
Aisling, you humiliated one of our biggest clients by announcing her as an alcoholic.
You invited non-staff to a Sweeney Grimes and Hunt event.
Your friend then disclosed confidential information about a client to the client's fund manager.
Well, if you let me finish, I didn't know being an alcoholic was a secret.
She's just embarrassed, she'll get over it.
She needs to loosen up, maybe she should have a drink.
Are you Are you serious? Aisling, sort your shit out! Are you not embarrassed for yourself at all? I'm taking Jennifer's account.
You can't take it.
I've handled that account since they've signed, it's-it's my thing.
Well, you've lost it now because she doesn't want to deal with you.
Kate, please, please, I'll fix it.
You can go.
I can't believe you fell off that roof.
If I had stayed, you wouldn't have fallen and broken your arm.
Well, maybe I would have fallen on you and you'd be dead.
Sorry.
Don't be.
Fine, I'm not sorry so.
You looked wrecked.
Yeah, I was out last night and then worked through the night.
You need to relax like, you're working way too hard.
You don't get to relax when you have to fit a year's work into a week.
Praying mostly.
Ferg, it's such a mess.
Don't work this weekend, give me one day.
Are you mental!? You owe me like, you broke my arm.
Hello? Is anyone in there? Lorraine, I'm on the toilet.
You didn't flush.
-Jesus Christ! Wash your hands.
Look, I didn't need you to ring me.
Hi, love, is everything okay? Hi, mam, uh, yeah, yeah, good, yeah.
Do you have a cold, is it You're all right, aren't you? I-I know you're busy, Aisling, but we really need you to come home, I asked you six weeks ago and you said two-- I've just been studying for exams as well as working like.
Aisling, we need to talk to you and I can't be talking about it on the phone.
Is something wrong? I'm not talking about this on the phone, Aisling, I told you that.
I'm on the phone, Lorraine! Just going to make some herbal tea.
Think I'll have a lemon and ginger or ginger and lemon.
Do you want one? I can make you one.
I can never tell the difference Are you listening to me? Mam, I Mam, I have to go.
Will you stop talking to whoever you're talking to and listen, I need you to come home, this is serious.
? Partly for the hell of it? ? Solely out of boredom? ? Mostly for the story? ? It's where you get Your glorified high? ? Partly for the story? ? Solely out of boredom? ? Mostly for the hell of it? ? It's where you get Your glorified high?
He's not even dead three hours and you got her to reinvest! Fair play to her persistence.
Hey! Danielle, pick up your phone.
Why didn't you tell me Ferg was trying to ring me? I didn't see them.
Apparently my work has no personality.
Why the hard to get all of a sudden? If I wanted to watch people all over each other, I'd go dogging.
Brake like, come on! I am braking! It is morning, the sun is coming up, we've stolen a car, enough is enough.
? When I was young I knew just what to do? ? Walking down On Beechwood Avenue? ? I'm not too old For sympathy? ? For culture That is crushing me? ? If I'm alive in 2025? Just make sure you buy them their first drink but don't labor it, okay.
I'll have spoken to the bar staff.
Just, just try and act professional, like you're representing a billion Of course.
-Yeah, yeah, obviously like.
This is almost about as much you would make on the canal, yeah? Oh, way more, kid, unless you want the basic package.
What can I get for 100 euro, huh? Guys! Because this is exactly what I meant by professional.
You didn't say what kind of professional.
Kate! I promise, I will be so professional.
I will show these Americans the best, most civil night they've ever experienced.
We will.
Promise.
-We swear.
On the Bible.
The Holy Bible.
How much, come on, come on, how much? You're not that expensive! Ferg here, don't leave a message, I never check them.
I am on the absolute breadline.
I really can't drink much tonight.
Choco Rice and coke, nutritious.
The unforgettable taste of childhood neglect.
I'll keep you a drink if you come home with me tonight.
You are so sweet! Deal? Stop propositioning me at my desk Lorcan! That's a yes.
Someone's popular on email today.
Have you come straight from a club? No, like, I've been working on this all night.
Hmm.
Yeah, good.
Still working stuff out.
So, have you thought any more about Vancouver? No, look, I don't think an exchange is for me.
Really? So the pilgrimage from Cork to Dublin is as far as you'll go, is it? No, but These are the years to be outside of your comfort zone, Danielle.
There's nothing stopping you.
Okay, so what are you having? I'd love a mineral water with no ice and a slice of lime.
That's just perfect.
Jennifer, come on now, what'll it be? I'm having a double vodka and soda water.
I've had quite enough, honey.
Were you drinking before we arrived? No, no.
Jennifer, I was planning on us having the craic! Are you on antibiotics, pregnant? No, I've had quite enough alcohol in my day.
Nothing says you've got a problem, lady, like waking up on the sidewalk.
Well, at 3 a.
m.
, that's funny, and at 3 p.
m.
, that's alcoholism.
Uh-uh, it's the latter, at any time of the day.
So, just a mineral water, yeah? Yeah.
No ice, slice of lime.
Well, this is going off like us prawns in the sun anyway.
I don't know.
My guy's a good laugh, he knows how to down a drink, though.
I'm on round two! Yeah, well, who knew Jennifer was an alcho! She sounds like she was mental, I wish she was still drinking.
Sorry, can I get another Sure.
And can I get a double vodka coke, a mineral water with no ice and lime.
No problem.
And two sneaky shots of tequila please.
Are you for real? I told you I'd keep you in drink, just be subtle.
Well, I am the definition of subtle.
Exquisite.
Oh, thank you.
Aisling can you get Jennifer a proper drink please? I've asked her already, she's an alcoholic.
Jennifer, I am so, so sorry.
Your table is ready now.
Thank you.
Um Jennifer! Danielle here, leave a message.
Danielle, the Americans are over, horrific setup.
I just outed my client as an alcho and Lorcan keeps buying me drinks so I'll sleep with him, please come.
The man, in a snow globe with the snow, rainbow, baby rainbow, swirls, drops and boats.
No, I think yours is the best.
They're both the best, they're twins.
They could be twins, you're right.
You know, when I was little like you, I wanted to grow up to be a twin.
That's stupid.
You can't just grow a twin.
That is silly, isn't it? Should we put these up for your mam? Yeah.
Okay.
Right, into bed.
Ready, I am going to time you to get into the bed but, uh-uh, wait, ready Go! One, two Kate, I'm sorry, I am so sorry.
Are you completely stupid, Aisling? I mean, has all the alcohol migrated and pooled in your brain? I could fire you right now.
This is also your fault.
Look, Jennifer is inside with the guys happy out munching on calamari.
She won't remember any of it tomorrow.
Yes she will, recovering alcoholics remember everything.
Will I get you a lighter? I have one! Don't be such a lick arse, Aisling, I know what you're doing.
Are you still annoyed about your brother, is that it? Aisling, I don't give a shit who you and my brother have sex with.
That's a major client in there, not some school teacher you want to go on the lash with.
Well, I didn't mean it, and she should have told me it was a secret.
Of course it's a secret, it's alcoholism.
Do you want me to light that for you? No.
Randy, that's so true, I've always wanted to go there.
It's a beautiful place.
Yeah, so beautiful, I've only seen it in pictures, but wow, like, it's fucking good.
Well, it's a must see.
It's a must see.
A mussy? I don't know what a mussy is.
You must see it.
Oh, I must see it, oh, I'd love to see it, yeah, I didn't know with your accent, it's so nice, you got a good voice like caramel, swear to God, like whoo.
Hey, where Just there.
All right, cool.
-Watch her.
Okay, I'll see you later.
what she got, though.
Hi.
Aisling.
-Mm.
Hiya.
Danielle.
Jennifer.
Oh, wow, I have heard so much about you.
Is Christian really dead? The Daily Mail reckons he's not.
E Oh, sorry, I must have the wrong Jennifer, one of Aisling's clients is was Christian J and he had a Jennifer running his accounts.
I bet he's not dead! Like, he lied about his age, I've seen a copy of his passport and he is a full on pensioner.
That is highly confidential information! Now, I'm assuming if I ask Kate over there, she would say you worked on her team and that's how you know about my client's funds.
Sure I used to run the place, yeah, managed all the funds, money, did it all.
Too stressful for me though, so you know.
Hi, how was dinner? Delicious.
Ugh! That's a corn plaster.
Most of it was good though.
Here.
-Shots.
Randy, I will make you millions if you get us out of this restaurant and come with us on the ultimate Irish clubbing experience.
You got it.
Neck these, we're leaving.
Aisling! Aisling, come on.
Randy, you'll love Coppers.
Randy! Randy, I'll run at you and you're going to lift me.
What? Dirty Dancing.
That's not this track! -It is like.
I didn't know they had a thing.
Randy, I'd try to explain, but I'd need graphs.
Come here! Come on, it's time.
It's time! Could you not be like a little bit chivalrous? Chivalry is dead.
Grand, but I'm not paying for the taxi.
I always pay for the taxi! No, you do not, the time we were at the airport hotel, I paid and I was on the bread-line.
Randy, I'm so glad we're friends.
I'm going to think of you every time I have one of these cigarettes.
That's a cigar.
Oh, yeah.
Have you and your girlfriend ever been to the States? Nah, she doesn't like to travel.
That's weird.
Last time we went away, she booked a cheap holiday to Puerto Rico and she sulked the whole week because we ended up in the Canaries and not the Caribbean.
Well, it's a good thing she's not attached to your hip.
She might as well be, we're basically the same person like.
Freshers week, we woke up in a pool of vomit and we didn't know if it was hers or mine.
Oh, TMI.
Did you just hear what you said? Oh, yeah.
Oh, here.
Shh.
Lorcan, your taste in soft furnishings makes me think you're better off having sex with a man! Shh! Shh, shut up! Why? Shh, Rebecca is upstairs, shut up.
Are you for real? Shh, please, please.
Jesus Christ Lorcan, does she live here? Shh, she just I should have known when I seen the throw! Lorcan I thought Rebecca was a very casual arrangement for you, I didn't know she was your co-habiting partner for fuck sake.
Did you see where I threw my underwear? No.
Well, if you see them, don't keep them.
Am I late? I'm not.
Aisling, can I see you in the conference room please? Can I take my coat off, no? Now! No.
What's going on? I don't think she was too impressed with you last night.
Funny I was just about to say the same thing to you.
Close the door.
Aisling, you humiliated one of our biggest clients by announcing her as an alcoholic.
You invited non-staff to a Sweeney Grimes and Hunt event.
Your friend then disclosed confidential information about a client to the client's fund manager.
Well, if you let me finish, I didn't know being an alcoholic was a secret.
She's just embarrassed, she'll get over it.
She needs to loosen up, maybe she should have a drink.
Are you Are you serious? Aisling, sort your shit out! Are you not embarrassed for yourself at all? I'm taking Jennifer's account.
You can't take it.
I've handled that account since they've signed, it's-it's my thing.
Well, you've lost it now because she doesn't want to deal with you.
Kate, please, please, I'll fix it.
You can go.
I can't believe you fell off that roof.
If I had stayed, you wouldn't have fallen and broken your arm.
Well, maybe I would have fallen on you and you'd be dead.
Sorry.
Don't be.
Fine, I'm not sorry so.
You looked wrecked.
Yeah, I was out last night and then worked through the night.
You need to relax like, you're working way too hard.
You don't get to relax when you have to fit a year's work into a week.
Praying mostly.
Ferg, it's such a mess.
Don't work this weekend, give me one day.
Are you mental!? You owe me like, you broke my arm.
Hello? Is anyone in there? Lorraine, I'm on the toilet.
You didn't flush.
-Jesus Christ! Wash your hands.
Look, I didn't need you to ring me.
Hi, love, is everything okay? Hi, mam, uh, yeah, yeah, good, yeah.
Do you have a cold, is it You're all right, aren't you? I-I know you're busy, Aisling, but we really need you to come home, I asked you six weeks ago and you said two-- I've just been studying for exams as well as working like.
Aisling, we need to talk to you and I can't be talking about it on the phone.
Is something wrong? I'm not talking about this on the phone, Aisling, I told you that.
I'm on the phone, Lorraine! Just going to make some herbal tea.
Think I'll have a lemon and ginger or ginger and lemon.
Do you want one? I can make you one.
I can never tell the difference Are you listening to me? Mam, I Mam, I have to go.
Will you stop talking to whoever you're talking to and listen, I need you to come home, this is serious.
? Partly for the hell of it? ? Solely out of boredom? ? Mostly for the story? ? It's where you get Your glorified high? ? Partly for the story? ? Solely out of boredom? ? Mostly for the hell of it? ? It's where you get Your glorified high?