Cheaters (2022) s01e03 Episode Script
Episode 3
1
Ugh, God, we've had such a day.
Let's get a little bit pissed.
Oh, yeah. No, about that
Oh, don't act like it's
the end of the world.
The new neighbours invited us
to their house-warming.
I thought it would be a laugh.
Yeah, well, they're not
your new neighbours
so you don't have to come.
It's fine by me.
Other people's booze
tastes better anyway.
You all right, pal?
Don't really look in
the party mood. Mm, I'm fine.
Yeah? Cheers.
Cool.
SOFT LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYS
Oh, OK.
Wow.
Everyone's so smug.
It's like a podcast came to life.
Hey! Neighbours. Aloha.
You You made it.
Bloody hell, this is all right!
Hi. I I'm Nina.
Hi, I'm Josh's sister
and this is my wife, Georgia.
Hi. Lovely party, lovely place.
Oh, thanks.
Much nicer than yours, Josh, mate.
Rude.
It's not nicer, it's just bigger.
And nicer.
Can we, erm, drop our
coats somewhere?
Erm, Fola, maybe you can, like,
show me where to go? Yeah?
Yeah.
Fola, what the fuck?!
Don't do that
in the middle of the
I thought we were meant
to be ignoring each other
and then you come bounding out your
house trying to be friends!
Zack wanted to meet the neighbours.
I am trying to rebuild
my relationship,
which is in a fucking fragile
state at the moment,
and it doesn't help being invited
around for tea, you know?
Maybe you'll be less stressed if
you put the coats down.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, erm
..this is where the magic happens?
Something like that.
SOFT KNOCKING
I should get that.
HE SCOFFS
WHISPERING: Fuck
Oh, hey, man. Hey!
Sorry, just sneaking away to use
the bathroom.
Oh, don't apologise, mate.
It's, erm It's your house.
THEY CHUCKLE
Well, hey, Hakuna Matata.
Yeah. Yeah.
Nina?
HE CLEARS HIS THROA
Do you want to pop
outside for a cig?
I gave up, and you don't smoke.
Well, it's never
a bad time to start.
It's literally always a bad time.
Take a hint.
What a weird party.
Is that American guy a real person?
Do you actually have a cig?
Cos I'm gasping.
No, obviously not. I
Well, come on, then. What's wrong?
I haven't seen you this stressed out
since Mum found your wanking sock
and you told her that snails had
crawled on it.
Why are you bringing that up? I
Are you leaving Esther?
No, why would I be leaving
Esther? I mean
Because she cheated on you?
OK, you don't
You don't have to put it like that.
Well, she did.
You said that she had sex with
a woman that she works with.
So, there's no point
sugar-coating it, is there?
I'm not leaving her. I
In Finland
..I slept with someone else.
Oh, Josh.
Oh. Do you want one?
No. I'm, erm, good.
Do you think people are having
a good time?
Yeah. Looks like it.
Come here.
Oh, my God, the last episode.
I just, I couldn't stop crying.
Nah, it was too boring for me.
What's that?
Yeah, me and Josh love violence.
We've been tearing through that
Scandi crime show
Tristdetektiv - Sad Detective.
Sad Detective? Fola has just been
to where they filmed it.
No way! Josh literally just
got back from there.
Maybe you were there at
the same time?
Mm! Yeah, that's so weird.
So, how come?
I'm a travel writer.
Wow. Oh, my God, you must have
the most exciting life.
Yeah.
What has gotten into the two of you?
You've been together
what, 15 years?
11. 11 years!
That's likethat's like five
Spider-Men ago.
Well, it's three, if you're not
counting the animated one.
I don't care.
Why are you getting itchy feet now?
It's not itchy feet. Esther's
She's been really
out of sorts recently.
I think she's just freaking out
about turning 30.
That's in two years.
Yeah, I don't know.
It definitely sounds like
itchy feet to me.
And, I mean, really,
I can't blame you.
I can count the number of people
you've both slept with
on the fingers of one hand.
That's not true.
OK, no, it's more
complicated than that.
So when are you going
to tell Esther?
What do you mean?
That's not a complicated question.
I'm not going to tell her!
No, doing it has just
It's made me realise how much
I don't want to lose her.
Also, there is
one more thing. Erm
It was Fola.
The person I slept with.
SHE LAUGHS
You had sex with
the woman across the road?
I didn't know she lived across
the road. I didn't know her.
OK, OK. But what the fuck are
you doing at her house-warming?
Shall we go home?
I think we should go home.
So he gets to the cabin
the woods, he finds another body,
that doctor that went missing and
his whole back's been, like,
cut open and you can see everything,
and then And then, right,
Inspector Hakkinen finds out that
the killer was putting
real spinal cords inside
the snowmen.
Hey. I-I'm sorry.
I think we might make a go.
Erm, make a move.
I'll get the coats.
Oh, but we're having fun.
Oh, I get it.
Josh finds it hard to go to the loo
in other people's houses
Oh, that's not true.
Erm, I-I
I'm going to get the coats.
Unbelievable.
Oh, well. Thank you. Bye.
We should probably go as well.
OK.
THEY CHUCKLE
You had fun, right? Mm.
Well, it's a shame none
of your friends could come.
Yeah, well, you know? Busy people.
Hey, why don't we make more of
a mess before we clean up?
Oh
Actually, the party kind of
kind of took it out of me.
GLASS CLINKS
I might, erm, finish tidying up
and, erm, hit the hay.
Sure.
Yeah.
Erm, by the way, Josh
Erm, it is Josh - across the road?
Yeah.
Yeah, erm, well, it looks like he
left his wallet here.
Yeah. He's probably
stressing about it.
I should go and see if
they're still up.
Sure.
Are we ever going to talk about
the fact that
we've not had sex in nearly a year?
I don't think it's been
that long, has it?
DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS
DOORBELL RINGS
I told Zack you dropped your
wallet when you were over.
Oh, no, I didn't. I have my wallet.
I know.
UPSTAIRS: Who is it?
It's Fola, from across the road.
She's just heading back over.
Oh, thanks for a lovely
party, Fola!
MUSIC: Not Alone
by KOLARS
DOOR OPENS
What did she want?
I left my wallet and she
was just giving it back.
Let's not watch
Sad Detective tonight.
DOOR SHUTS
# There's a tide on the rise if you
like it enough #
I'll see you upstairs. Be right up.
# Of a world uncurled
sneaking out from the dark
# The shadow towers over,
we discovered the spark
# Which level do you live
in the pyramid game?
# Bought your throne,
do they own your name?
# It's like the same old story
you read in the book
# But the words got twisted
by the mind of a crook
# You know
# You know
# We are not alone
# Change on the loose
# Moves aside from the rut
# A card is on the table
# Now your number is up
# You're gonna be the
one to just shut up
# Or will you speak your mind before
they poison my cup?
# You know
# You know
# We are not alone
# And you know. #
Ugh, God, we've had such a day.
Let's get a little bit pissed.
Oh, yeah. No, about that
Oh, don't act like it's
the end of the world.
The new neighbours invited us
to their house-warming.
I thought it would be a laugh.
Yeah, well, they're not
your new neighbours
so you don't have to come.
It's fine by me.
Other people's booze
tastes better anyway.
You all right, pal?
Don't really look in
the party mood. Mm, I'm fine.
Yeah? Cheers.
Cool.
SOFT LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYS
Oh, OK.
Wow.
Everyone's so smug.
It's like a podcast came to life.
Hey! Neighbours. Aloha.
You You made it.
Bloody hell, this is all right!
Hi. I I'm Nina.
Hi, I'm Josh's sister
and this is my wife, Georgia.
Hi. Lovely party, lovely place.
Oh, thanks.
Much nicer than yours, Josh, mate.
Rude.
It's not nicer, it's just bigger.
And nicer.
Can we, erm, drop our
coats somewhere?
Erm, Fola, maybe you can, like,
show me where to go? Yeah?
Yeah.
Fola, what the fuck?!
Don't do that
in the middle of the
I thought we were meant
to be ignoring each other
and then you come bounding out your
house trying to be friends!
Zack wanted to meet the neighbours.
I am trying to rebuild
my relationship,
which is in a fucking fragile
state at the moment,
and it doesn't help being invited
around for tea, you know?
Maybe you'll be less stressed if
you put the coats down.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, erm
..this is where the magic happens?
Something like that.
SOFT KNOCKING
I should get that.
HE SCOFFS
WHISPERING: Fuck
Oh, hey, man. Hey!
Sorry, just sneaking away to use
the bathroom.
Oh, don't apologise, mate.
It's, erm It's your house.
THEY CHUCKLE
Well, hey, Hakuna Matata.
Yeah. Yeah.
Nina?
HE CLEARS HIS THROA
Do you want to pop
outside for a cig?
I gave up, and you don't smoke.
Well, it's never
a bad time to start.
It's literally always a bad time.
Take a hint.
What a weird party.
Is that American guy a real person?
Do you actually have a cig?
Cos I'm gasping.
No, obviously not. I
Well, come on, then. What's wrong?
I haven't seen you this stressed out
since Mum found your wanking sock
and you told her that snails had
crawled on it.
Why are you bringing that up? I
Are you leaving Esther?
No, why would I be leaving
Esther? I mean
Because she cheated on you?
OK, you don't
You don't have to put it like that.
Well, she did.
You said that she had sex with
a woman that she works with.
So, there's no point
sugar-coating it, is there?
I'm not leaving her. I
In Finland
..I slept with someone else.
Oh, Josh.
Oh. Do you want one?
No. I'm, erm, good.
Do you think people are having
a good time?
Yeah. Looks like it.
Come here.
Oh, my God, the last episode.
I just, I couldn't stop crying.
Nah, it was too boring for me.
What's that?
Yeah, me and Josh love violence.
We've been tearing through that
Scandi crime show
Tristdetektiv - Sad Detective.
Sad Detective? Fola has just been
to where they filmed it.
No way! Josh literally just
got back from there.
Maybe you were there at
the same time?
Mm! Yeah, that's so weird.
So, how come?
I'm a travel writer.
Wow. Oh, my God, you must have
the most exciting life.
Yeah.
What has gotten into the two of you?
You've been together
what, 15 years?
11. 11 years!
That's likethat's like five
Spider-Men ago.
Well, it's three, if you're not
counting the animated one.
I don't care.
Why are you getting itchy feet now?
It's not itchy feet. Esther's
She's been really
out of sorts recently.
I think she's just freaking out
about turning 30.
That's in two years.
Yeah, I don't know.
It definitely sounds like
itchy feet to me.
And, I mean, really,
I can't blame you.
I can count the number of people
you've both slept with
on the fingers of one hand.
That's not true.
OK, no, it's more
complicated than that.
So when are you going
to tell Esther?
What do you mean?
That's not a complicated question.
I'm not going to tell her!
No, doing it has just
It's made me realise how much
I don't want to lose her.
Also, there is
one more thing. Erm
It was Fola.
The person I slept with.
SHE LAUGHS
You had sex with
the woman across the road?
I didn't know she lived across
the road. I didn't know her.
OK, OK. But what the fuck are
you doing at her house-warming?
Shall we go home?
I think we should go home.
So he gets to the cabin
the woods, he finds another body,
that doctor that went missing and
his whole back's been, like,
cut open and you can see everything,
and then And then, right,
Inspector Hakkinen finds out that
the killer was putting
real spinal cords inside
the snowmen.
Hey. I-I'm sorry.
I think we might make a go.
Erm, make a move.
I'll get the coats.
Oh, but we're having fun.
Oh, I get it.
Josh finds it hard to go to the loo
in other people's houses
Oh, that's not true.
Erm, I-I
I'm going to get the coats.
Unbelievable.
Oh, well. Thank you. Bye.
We should probably go as well.
OK.
THEY CHUCKLE
You had fun, right? Mm.
Well, it's a shame none
of your friends could come.
Yeah, well, you know? Busy people.
Hey, why don't we make more of
a mess before we clean up?
Oh
Actually, the party kind of
kind of took it out of me.
GLASS CLINKS
I might, erm, finish tidying up
and, erm, hit the hay.
Sure.
Yeah.
Erm, by the way, Josh
Erm, it is Josh - across the road?
Yeah.
Yeah, erm, well, it looks like he
left his wallet here.
Yeah. He's probably
stressing about it.
I should go and see if
they're still up.
Sure.
Are we ever going to talk about
the fact that
we've not had sex in nearly a year?
I don't think it's been
that long, has it?
DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS
DOORBELL RINGS
I told Zack you dropped your
wallet when you were over.
Oh, no, I didn't. I have my wallet.
I know.
UPSTAIRS: Who is it?
It's Fola, from across the road.
She's just heading back over.
Oh, thanks for a lovely
party, Fola!
MUSIC: Not Alone
by KOLARS
DOOR OPENS
What did she want?
I left my wallet and she
was just giving it back.
Let's not watch
Sad Detective tonight.
DOOR SHUTS
# There's a tide on the rise if you
like it enough #
I'll see you upstairs. Be right up.
# Of a world uncurled
sneaking out from the dark
# The shadow towers over,
we discovered the spark
# Which level do you live
in the pyramid game?
# Bought your throne,
do they own your name?
# It's like the same old story
you read in the book
# But the words got twisted
by the mind of a crook
# You know
# You know
# We are not alone
# Change on the loose
# Moves aside from the rut
# A card is on the table
# Now your number is up
# You're gonna be the
one to just shut up
# Or will you speak your mind before
they poison my cup?
# You know
# You know
# We are not alone
# And you know. #