Clarence US (2014) s01e03 Episode Script

1 I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! - Our path is blocked.
- Stand back, Sumo-wise.
Leave this one to the wizard.
Lo siento mi amor-o! That one was just a scout.
The other bushes will be looking for him.
Why did we have to walk through the woods? There's a sidewalk.
Fool of an elf! That's exactly what eyeball would expect us to do.
Our path may be treacherous, - but the pizza swamp is worth is.
- Okay.
Here it is the dreaded pizza swamp, the most dangerous part of our journey.
Whoa! Look at all these games, free for the playing.
Insert coin.
Insert coin.
Let's pick out our prizes.
Wait.
Really? Clarence, if you pick out your prizes now, you're setting yourself up for disappoi Oh, my gosh! They have a laser pointer? - That is actually really cool.
- Man, I want that disco ball.
Really? Yeah, it's super-easy.
All you have to do is shoot 'em in the mouth.
It's not even hard.
Game over.
Continue? What?! Man, these games are so glitchy.
Oh, great.
Look.
Here comes the dork parade.
Oh, hey, Belson.
How's it going, buddy? Whatever.
Are we gonna play for tickets or can we play the fun games? Oh, Sumo.
All games will be played and prizes won because I got a fresh $20 bill right in my back pocket.
Right around here.
- Guys, don't get mad, but I left my money at home.
- Aw, Clarence.
Oh.
Wait a minute.
I forgot about my wizard dollar in my wizard shoe.
Gotcha! Okay, one for the elfling.
One for the gnome.
And one for the wizard.
And I guess we don't need this one.
Clarence, no! Well, if we only get one game, I'm gonna make it count.
That's the right spirit.
I hereby command that, even though we only have one token each, we will have the greatest day in all of the pizza swamp! Yeah.
Oh, sorry.
Yeah, no, I'm sure you will.
Okay, guys, let's split up.
No, no, Clarence.
No.
Ow.
Okay, okay.
There's got to be a game here that I can get to pay out with just one token.
Plumb harder! - You're not very good at this.
- No.
Go on, sweetheart.
Feed big betty.
- No! - Mm Money broom.
That one might actually work.
If I could get the coin to land on just the right spot, just right Eenie, meenie, miney, moe.
Where it stop, nobody knows.
Money broom.
- Well, that was kind of fun.
- Wh Cl Clarence, no! You can't just play "Money broom.
" You have to know how to beat the system.
It's okay.
It was worth it.
No.
I'll win it back.
I'll win them all back.
Okay.
I'm gonna go eat that pizza crust.
Mmm.
Savory.
Wizard hat.
Ploop.
Hey, this is Keith Mack, bass player for Iron Tiger.
If you're watching this, our band's already been kidnapped.
You're the only one who can save us! Insert coin.
Insert coin.
Insert coin.
Out of my way! Insert coin.
Insert coin.
Oh, crashing! Come on! Come on, everybody! Who's gonna catch me? What one are you looking at? I want that finger trap, but the claw keeps dropping it.
That claw always does that.
It just always drops it.
Sometimes, you just got to use your own hands.
Why don't you just reach in there and grab it? - My hands are too big.
- Here.
Let me try.
- Thanks, Clarence.
- Don't worry about it.
Just your friendly neighborhood wizard.
- Help us! We're trapped! - Huh? - Feed me! I'm hungry! - Hey, you! You're the next big winner! Wha Ready.
Set go! Faster.
Faster! Dang it! Dang it! Dang it! Great job, clubber.
Collect your blubber.
Dang it! Hey, you want to know a trick? - Just use your hands.
- Really? - Ready? - Mm-hmm.
Whoa.
Oh, no, you don't! - That'll teach him.
- Thank you.
You're gonna find out why my - friends call me "the Laser Ghost.
" - We don't call you that.
Oh, cool.
Can I play with you guys? Yeah, if you want to get blasted by the Laser Ghost.
- Ooh.
Yes, please.
- It costs 8 bucks.
- Oh.
I don't have that many dollars.
- Sucks to be you.
- Come on.
Let's go.
- Ooh, all right, then.
I'll just eat some more pizza crusts.
Savory.
Actually, that's not bad.
Okay, hmm.
Got to crack this code.
Carry the 2.
Oh, watch the 1.
I got it! Come on.
Dang it.
Just one more play.
Dang it! Yes.
Come on, baby.
Money broom.
Yes.
That's the eighth person.
So, if it puts out every nine times, that means that the next quarter's got to be a winner! Winner, winner, winner! - Oh, no! No, no, no, no, n-o-o-o! - Oh my gosh! See, the trick with this one is, you just got to use your wizardhand.
Hmm.
Wizard hands don't work on this one.
Hmm.
Ah.
Wizard basketball! Daddy needs a new disco ball.
- Ow! - 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 Unh! Oh? - Winner, winner, winner! - I did it! I beat the house! Jeff, we're rich! We're rich! We can have anything that we want! Disco ball, please.
- I'll have the laser pointer.
- Finally.
Finger disco.
- How's your laser? - It It's too bright in here.
- You can't really see it.
- Well, let's try it - there, where it's dark.
- Okay.
Oh, yeah.
This works great in the dark.
Whoa! Look at this place! It's It's so beautiful.
No! I'm already dead! Ow! Hey! Hey, how did those guys get in here? Hey, get out of here! You don't even have vests on! Hey, Belson.
Look what I got.
- Unh! Unh! Unh! Unh! - No.
No! N-o-o-o-o-o-o!! Wizard ball.
Congratulations, space cadet.
I'm promoting you to Cosmic Commander.
Oh, cool.
That's me.
What?! They're not even playing! - I think this thing is real silver.
- Nice job, "laser ghost.
" - Shut up.
- What? I thought you liked being called that.
I have to say, I'm pretty surprised we got this far with just one dollar.
Unh-unh-unh.
Not just any dollar.
- It was a wizard dollar.
- Whatever.
Come along, Sumo-wise.
Our work here is done.
Yes, master Clarence.
Bye, pizza swamp.