Courting Alex (2006) s01e03 Episode Script

Here, taste.
Mmm! This is great.
What's your secret? Always drink while you cook.
That's a good secret.
That way if you mess up dinner, who cares? Good beer, huh? Hello? Hey, Mark.
Nah-nah, I can't.
I'm making dinner with my girlfriend tonight.
Well, you will soon.
All right, well, let's hook up this week.
All right.
Bye.
So, that was your friend, Mark? Yep.
He wanted me to go to a movies with him.
What did you tell him? Uh, let's see that I was busy.
Busy with? Mm cooking.
Cooking with? Tomatoes? What? Nothing.
No.
I was in the other room, and I heard you say, "Oh, no, I can't tonight, Mark.
I'm making dinner with my" and then I must've yawned or sneezed or something.
Well, let's see, I, uh I told him I was busy.
And, uh, that we'd hook up this week.
Oh, and also No, I think I think that was it.
I thought I heard more.
I must be hearing things.
I'm going to take my bra off.
What? Nothing.
I didn't say anything.
Morning, neighbor.
Why are you shouting? Somebody had a big night.
Stop.
Where are you going? I need coffee.
You need Visine and a Tic Tac.
Come on.
We'll grab a cup on my way to work.
Oh, Good God! That huge, fiery ball in the sky is back again.
Yes, and it replaced the thing you were howling at last night.
Are you coming to my gallery opening this week? Yes.
Good.
I want my newest and dearest to be there.
Is that why you just invited all those strangers at the coffee place? I need people to come and buy my paintings.
If they'll pay this much for a cup of coffee, they've got money to burn.
I'm off to Sharper Image next.
So, listen, I was hanging out with Scott last night and something really cool happened.
Oh, God.
Hide me, hide me.
What was that all about? That's, uh, Rita.
She owns the gallery.
We had a fabulous night.
This morning, she asked me if I wanted to stay for breakfast.
I say, "Where have you been all my life?" She went to freshen up, then I sneak out.
Why didn't you just tell her you had to leave? Yeah.
Thanks, Cyrano.
Back to me.
We're cooking dinner, right? And he gets a phone call, and he tells somebody he's at his girlfriend's house.
He has a girlfriend? Yes.
Me.
He called me his girlfriend.
Oh, that's a shame.
I rather liked him.
Excuse me? I'm merely pointing out that every time you date someone, and it starts to progress, even a little, you panic.
What are you talking about? Then you invent some trivial reason to break up with him and he disappears faster than a boy band after their "serious" record.
You're crazy.
Oh, yeah? So what about Ted? If I recall, you broke up with him because, and I quote, "The man refused to wear a watch!" He did! What? And that's not trivial? Not to me; he was always late.
If we had spent our lives together, I would have ended up waiting for him a combined total of, like, 18 months.
You actually sat down and did the math, didn't you? Yeah.
One night while I was waiting for him.
Explain Michael, then.
Well, I had just taken on more responsibility at work.
Oh, Alex, come on.
Every time I said something funny, he went Yes, but with both of them, you thought their little quirks were cute, until they wanted to get more serious.
This time is different.
I really feel like I'm ready for something deeper now.
Oh, good for you.
Hey, maybe there's hope for me as well.
From now on, I'm going to try to be more mature and adult about my relationships Oh, crap, it's her again.
Hey.
Hey! What a nice surprise.
I just came by to see if you were free for dinner.
Oh, I can't.
I'd love to, but I have a court date I'm preparing for, and then I have these contracts that I have to look at, um, before tomorrow.
Oh, that's a drag.
Well, you know, when I'm done, maybe I'll let you walk me home.
I'd like that.
Something wrong? Nope.
No.
Nothing's wrong.
In fact, everything is excellent.
Alex, you better look at the Oh, for God's sake! Tie a sock on the doorknob or something.
- Hello, sir.
- Frequently, people knock, Dad.
Hey, would you mind if I grabbed another water? No.
Kitchen's right across the hall.
What is that sound he makes when he swallows? He goes "Ahhh.
" Really? I hadn't noticed.
You're kidding? It sounds like he's deflating.
- Sorry, you've lost me.
- How could you miss it? That's the kind of thing that drives you nuts.
Like when you were dating Blinky.
"Nice to see you, Mr.
Rose.
" His name was Stuart, and it was born without tear ducts.
All I'm saying is, do you have to date every stray that comes along? Dad, I like Scott, and I'd appreciate it if you learned to play nice with him.
Hey.
Thanks for this.
I'm going to take off.
- Bye, Mr.
Rose.
- Hey, Scott.
You like cashews? - Uh, yeah.
- Yeah? Try some of these.
The importer is a client of ours.
Oh, those are good.
- Pretty salty, though.
- Really? I didn't notice that.
Cheers.
Look, if you want, I can send you some of these.
Oh, you don't have to do that.
No.
It would be my, uh, my pleasure.
This has been fun.
You know, it's been a long time since a boy has walked me home from school.
I'd come inside, but I have to get back to the bar.
That's too bad, 'cause I was in the mood to make out.
I've got a few minutes.
Oh, look.
It's Kiss-Me-Barbie and Horny Ken.
- This came to my door by mistake.
- What is it? Your father's nuts.
A phrase I hope never to use again.
"Cashews for your friend, Scott.
Cheers, Dad.
" That's nice.
Your dad's trying to make an effort.
He's trying something.
You know, I'm surprised Scott's still around.
I thought he'd be history by now.
See, I told you; he's different.
More importantly, I'm different around him.
Like, I'm not getting all worked up over those silly, little insignificant Babe, you want a water? Go to go.
Something wrong? Um No.
No.
Nothing at all.
Okay, yes.
What? In the past, um, when something would bother me, I would just keep it to myself and let it fester and bubble until I exploded, and then it'd cause a fight, and then we'd break up.
- Well, we don't want that.
- Exactly.
Which is why, from now on, whenever you do something that bothers me, I'm just going to tell you right away.
Oh, lucky me.
No, lucky us.
So, okay, so what's this what's this horrible thing I do? Um After you drink, you go " Ahhh.
" Is that it? - Yep.
- Okay.
- Really? - Sure.
Oh, that was easy.
I feel much better, like a weight has been was lifted That's it! That's what Oh, you were kidding.
Good one.
Listen, I'm really glad you said something.
- See? Being honest is good, right? - Yeah, I'm all for honesty.
- Communication is so important.
- I think it's great.
- Great.
- So I guess it's my turn.
Huh? Well, you know, to tell you all your things that bother me.
Right.
Lucky me.
No, lucky us! Okay, so what are all my things? I was kidding.
But you said, "all my things.
" Alex, I was I was joking.
You were? Yes.
Okay.
Now, I got to get back to work, but I don't want to go until I know that you know, it's all good.
All good.
- It's all good? - All good! All good, my ass.
Oh, and proof this motion; it has to be filed today.
Thanks.
Stephen, hey.
Do you want to go with me to Julian's art opening tonight? Look, Molly, I think you're a lovely person.
And don't get me wrong, I'm flattered Yeah, no.
I did not mean it that way.
I'm just saying that it's a fact-- If you go to a party or an event with someone, you automatically look more attractive to the opposite sex.
I don't need to rely on tricks to meet women.
Fine, I'll ask Johnson.
But I'll do it to help you.
- Morning, Molly.
- Hey.
Would you move the Fortis deposition to 3:00? And I need to review the Corby files before lunch.
Oh, and do I have any annoying habits? What? Last night Scott said that I did all these things that bother him and he wouldn't tell me what they were.
It's so stupid, I don't even care I mean, would you say that I have any annoying habits? Oh, the phone! Excuse me.
Alex Rose's office.
Come on, it didn't even ring.
This could take a while.
Yes, I think that would work for us.
Hang up.
Call you back.
It's okay, you can tell me.
Well, you twirl your hair.
I do.
Keep going.
You chew your pens, you drum your fingers when you're bored.
- Hold on, let me make a list.
- You make lists for no reason.
You roll your eyes when you think someone's wrong.
- I do not do that.
- You just did it.
Stephen, Stephen, Stephen.
Hey, do I roll my eyes when I think someone is wrong? Uh they roll some.
But they're still very attractive.
- Molly, I need you to notarize these.
- In a minute.
We're trying to figure out my annoying habits.
Have you noticed any? - Well um - It's okay.
You tap your foot.
Oh, good.
- You cut people off in the middle of - Good, good.
You use too many Post-It notes.
You dog-ear book pages.
You send me e-mails and then run out here to make sure I got them.
- E-mails? Slow down.
- Yeah, you write slowly.
- You over-explain directions.
- You wear heels.
That's just rubbing it in.
- Did anyone mention the hair twirl? - You kidding? First one.
- What about the laugh-snort? - Ooh, Johnson, good one.
Forgot about the laugh-snort.
No, it's more like this.
Great, I'm a freak.
What's the big joke? Your daughter, sir.
We're telling her all her annoying habits.
Well, you think you'll still be laughing after I fire your ass? Hey.
Hey.
Sit down, I just got to finish this inventory.
You're not still thinking about last night, are you? Are you kidding? I haven't even given it a second thought.
Okay, what did you mean by "all my things"? Alex, I told you I was kidding.
But if there were things, you would tell me? Uh, no.
This is not helping.
Look, Alex, if you want to get stuff off your chest, that's cool, but telling you all your things isn't important to me.
Okay, you're right.
We don't have to talk about this stuff.
We can write it all down instead.
- Are you joking? - No.
We'll each make a list of the other person's annoying habits, exchange them, talk about it and then be done with it.
And then we'll be a stronger couple.
That would be the worst idea I've ever heard.
Just trust me on this, okay? - All right.
- Great.
Ok.
You really going to be okay with this? It's all good.
Done.
Done.
Are you done or are you out of ink? You were right, it was the best idea ever.
Oh?! Great.
You see? - You want to switch? - Yes.
You first.
Okay.
Where do I start? "Alex Rose's Annoying Habits.
" You titled it.
Cute.
"One: "you're too gorgeous.
"Two: "you're too sexy.
"Three: "You're too crazy in a gorgeous and sexy way.
Milk, eggs "bacon, oatmeal" I had nothing else to say, so I wrote down my shopping list.
Let me have my list back.
Oh, hey, you wanted to play this game.
Scott, please.
Oh, no, no, I'm gonna read this when the time is right.
Now come on, let's go to Julian's show.
But I didn't give mine a title.
- Okay.
- Great.
Oh Changed my mind.
Always doing that.
Bad habit.
Then I should add that.
Now remember, when one of us goes off with someone, the other one has to play it cool.
All right.
- We just gotta walk away.
- All right.
No, I'm just saying, you can't follow me around all sad trying to horn in on the conversation.
- I think I got it.
- Good.
Now, let's have fun.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I need a man's opinion on a painting.
Can you help me? Yes, I can.
I'll catch you later.
Where you guys going? Julian, great show.
Yes, I'm brilliant.
Isn't that the bloke from your office chatting up Rita over there? Yes, it is.
That's the woman Julian's been ducking for the past few days.
I don't recall her looking this bewitching.
Maybe 'cause she's with another guy.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
Will you just excuse me a second.
You are so smart.
And you are not going to get that list.
You have no idea what I would do to get that little napkin.
Eh, you're going to do that anyway.
Yeah, you're right.
- I'll get us some wine.
- Okay.
Rita good to see you.
Hello, Julian.
You know Stephen, don't you? Love your work.
This is your best show yet.
It wouldn't have been possible without this absolutely brilliant woman.
I'd have nothing on my walls if it weren't for this absolutely brilliant man.
I, uh, still do watercolors occasionally.
Mostly birds.
Mind if I borrow Rita for a moment? I need a picture rehung.
Could you borrow Molly instead? Yeah, cheers, mate.
Hey.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Now check this out.
I worked on that today.
- You didn't have to do that.
- No, I wanted to.
Now, let's see what else I have to work on.
Stop, stop, stop.
Before you read that, just let me tell you something.
You thought of another annoying habit in the last hour? No.
That list is stupid and petty, and it all comes out of my Craziness? For lack of a better word, yes.
See, I used to sabotage relationships, and I was trying so hard not to do that this time.
- And you haven't.
- Not yet.
But if you read that list, we're going to have a fight.
And that would suck because I think you are amazing.
I really do.
And I so like us and I really want to see where this is going.
And if I could, like, undo Alex Thank you.
I told you that stuff's not important.
You got to learn to trust me.
And this piece I call "Obnoxiously Cute Couple Who Can't Stop Snogging in Public.
" Ah That is annoying.
Son, look I'm not going to ask you again.
Okay, okay, uh You're, you're kind of a perfectionist.
You have so much charisma, it can be a little intimidating.
You're a role model, nobody could ever live up to.
Damn it, stop kissing my ass.
Tell it to me straight.
What's going on? We're talking about Mr Rose annoying habits.
- Yeah.
- He's right there.
Jump right on in here, it's okay.
You just tell me what you think.
Yeah, I don't really feel comfortable.
Please, please tell me.
It's okay.
I promise.
Well, you do spit when you yell.
There you go.
And you wear way too much aftershave.
And when you are on the speakerphone, you don't have to shout.
It's unnecessary, we can hear you Bill.
We can hear you! See? That's what I'm talking about.
Man has the guts to stand right in front of my face and tell me what he thinks.
- That's good work, Johnson.
- Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
- Oh by the way.
- Yes.
You know you just blew your Christmas bonus.
- Yes I do, sir.
- Good.
Smart.