Crooked House (2008) s01e03 Episode Script
The Knocker
There was a house near here.
It had an interesting reputation.
Ghosts.
Widdowson built Geap Manor.
It was said he consorted with witches.
You said Sir Roger was thick with some sort of necromancer? Yes.
Name of Unthank.
He's like the famous one.
Dr Dee.
Dee was a brilliant self-publicist.
That's why his name has survived.
Unthank was a far more interesting figure.
Not just spells or charms.
Lost knowledge from pre-Christian times.
Means of extending life.
Even reaching through time.
Doesn't sound too bad to me.
Ah, but there's no such thing as a free lunch, is there? There was a price to be paid for all these experiments.
In blood.
And that's what left the house with thisatmosphere? I suppose so.
But it's gone now, Geap Manor? Yes.
It was listed, of course, but it was in such a state of disrepair.
They did one of those TV shows from there.
Live ghosts and all that.
Bit of a contradiction in terms.
Did they see anything? Well, that's a moot point.
That dreadful woman on the telly gets hysterical over bits of bloody dust in the air.
Something happened.
That's when the walls came down.
I see.
And I thought the manor was all gone until Quite how it ended up in your garden, I really can't say.
But perhaps you'dlike to give it a good home.
Oh.
No? Bad juju, eh? No.
It's just Well, it's a museum piece, isn't it? I thought perhaps Ten a penny, I'm afraid.
I think it'd be happier doing its old job, Mr Morris.
Quite enough clutter to be getting on with!OK, then.
Why not? Smashing.
There we go.
Thank you very much.
Well, I'd better be Yes, of course.
Thank you very much.
Not at all.
I've really enjoyed it.
Maybe you could tell me more stories some other time.
Yes.
That'd be nice.
Cheerio.
ALARM RINGS Shut up! ALARM STOPS BELL RINGS Quiet.
Quiet! Hi.
Hey, Jess.
How are you finding them?Huh? Year Ten.
Oh.
They'd have killed a lesser man.
Aren't they keen on the Tudors? The Tudors are always a banker, aren't they? Usual story.
Keen on the head-chopping, not too keen on the domestic policies of Cardinal Wolsey.
How about you? I feel very sorry for Anne of Cleves.
Poor cow.
Flanders Mare, surely? Very good! Anyway, I meant how are you? I'm OK.
Yeah?Yeah.
Have you heard from Hannah? Nope.
People talk about the biological clock and all that, but I should have a say as well.
I'm just not I'm not ready.
You'd make a brilliant dad.
I'm sick of people saying that.
Sorry.
No, no.
I didn't mean it, it's just You know what I'm trying to say.
KidsYeah.
Mind you, young-ish, free and single.
You've got your freedom back now.
KNOCKING KNOCKING CONTINUES Hello? Who is it? DOOR CLOSES Oh SHUFFLING FOOTSTEPS Thanks.
You look tired.
Oh, you know.
Work.
Is there anything you need? I've told you I'll provide.
Not quite the same, is it? I just .
.
can't.
I can't.
For Christ's sake, Ben.
This is your kid.
Everything was fine.
It was so good.
Yeah, it was.
Until Junior popped up andspoiled everything I suppose?If you like.
Maybe you're right.
You and the baby.
I don't know ifI could cope with two bloody kids.
It's just not the way I thought my life would turn out.
No? Saw yourself in a garret in Paris writing love poetry, did you? La Bo-bloody-heme?Look You're a teacher, Ben.
In a rough school full of thick pigs.
If you were going tobe Hemingway, you'd have done it by now.
We're not going through this again.
No?No.
Are you OK? Obviously not, according to you.
No, I mean You lookI've told you.
Didn't sleep well.
KNOCKING KNOCKING CONTINUES A MALE VOICE SPEAKS IN LATIN A WOMAN'S VOICE JOINS IN Woe to those who seek to take upon themselves a burden that they cannot bear.
THEY CHANT IN LATIN Agh!Ah! Oh, no.
Hey, won't have any luck there, son.
Yeah, Saturday.
I should've known.
No, no.
It's shut.
Haven't seen a Tupperware box lying around, have you? Sorry, no.
Must've fell off the bike.
No.
Museum's been shut a couple of years now.
No-one's bothered now, are they? That's impossible.
Kiddies don't want to come, you see.
They're not interested in Romans and whatnot.
It's all computers now.
I just give my grandson cash for his Christmas box.
Seems a shame.
Bugger about that box.
Had a chunky Kit-Kat in it.
Sorry, you don't understand.
I was here a few days ago.
I went inside.
Really? Oh! Maybe they're opening up again.
That'd be nice.
No, no.
There was a man.
You know, the curator.
Was there? Yes! He mentioned someone.
Mr Mr Paget!Well, that's me, son.
No-one's said anything about it.
I just keep an eye on the place.
Still, I'd probably be the last to know! Be nice, as I say, if they're opening up again.
Cheerio then.
KNOCKING Hiya! To what do I owe? Are you OK?Have you got a minute? Oh, oh Thing is, Andy has them all week and he does Pilates on a Saturday.
It's really important.
Can I come in? Yeah, I suppose.
Come on.
Have you got it here? It's in the car.
I dunno what to say, mate.
I mean I know, I know, I know.
It's ridiculous.
You have beenI mean, stressed.
It wasn't a dream.
I know it wasn't.
Besides, the museum Yeah.
That is weird.
MummyIn a minute, Molly.
In a minute.
But you see, the people I saw the second time, the couple with the cradle, they were the ones in the painting.
The one at the museum.
I dunno what to say.
BANGING CRYING Are you online? Yeah, of course.
Can I?Yeah, on you go.
Sorry, I've just got to Any joy?Yeah, that's them.
I saw them! Sir Roger and Lady Widdowson.
That's them.
Shit, it's frozen.
SHE TAPS AT KEYBOARD You could try the old-fashionedway.
The house they knocked down was nearby.
No, no, no.
It's where my house is now.
It has to be.
Why else would the door knocker be in the garden? Oh, right, yeah.
And look at this.
It's like the man at the museum said.
The wife couldn't bear a child.
"Widdowson swore that he was prepared to go to hell and back in order to procure an heir to his estates.
" People accused him of devil worship and stuff.
Mm-hm.
Maybe I'm being shown these things, you know, for a purpose.
In these dreams? They're not dreams.
No.
Right.
No.
Look, Ben, I don't really believe in anything LAUGHING Molly! .
.
like that.
It sounds like a bad idea, messing around with You're not going to tell me about the Ouija board stuff you did at college, are you?No.
Well, actually, it was really spooky.
There was this girl and her Nan had just died OhI know.
And the glass did move.
The curator mentioned this, too.
Widdowson was close to an astrologer.
Sort of a necromancer.
Don't!What?You were going to do that Twilight Zone thing.
I wasn't.
Nee-nee, nee-nee Nee-nee, nee-nee I wasn't.
Seriously, Ben, get shot of it.
Yeah, butSeriously.
But I want to know what the hell's going on! I mean, this stuff doesn't happen in real life, does it?No.
And when people tell you stories, ghost stories or whatever, you always think, "What would it be like? What would it actually be like? How would I react?" You'd shit yourself and run a mile, that's what.
Yes, butI've got a bad feeling about this, Ben.
Maybe you're right.
PHONE RINGS ANSWER MACHINE:Sorry,the person you'vecalled is not available.
Leave amessage after the tone.
Hannah? It's me.
Pick up if you're there.
OK.
I just wanted to say Look, I really, really need to talk to you.
Will you call me? Bye.
TV PLAYS KNOCKING TV PLAYS ELECTRICITY CUTS OU EERIE LAUGHTER ALARM RINGS SPARKING No! No! No! No! No! No! No! EERIE LAUGHTER No! KNOCK AT DOOR Go away.
Go away! Ben? Ben, please! Please open the door.
Hannah.
Hannah? It's coming, Ben! The baby.
It started in the car.
I got your message, but I got lost.
Oh!Ooh!Oh! Ambulance?Yeah, that would be good.
Ambulance.
Yes, that's right.
BLEEPING Yes, it's a baby.
The baby's coming.
Sorry? Yes, it's 20 Mill Avenue, Windsor SL4.
Oh!Quickly! Thanks.
Bye.
Ambulance is coming.
Just keep breathing.
It's OK.
Ante-natal classes.
I know what to do.
Oh! Is there anything I can do? Aromatherapy oils.
In the bag.
And I was gonna have music.
Enya!Let me have a look.
Doesn't matter, doesn't matter.
Just get me some water.
Some water, please.
Water.
OK.
KNOCKING That was quick.
Hannah? No, no, no! Hannah? Hannah? Hannah? Hannah! His wife failed to bear him an heir.
Widdowson swore he was prepared to go to Hell and back in order to procure an heir to his estate.
He was thick with some sort of necromancer.
Means of extending life.
Even reaching through time.
SCREAMING Hannah.
SCREAMING SCREAMING CONTINUES SCREECHING CURATOR:'I suppose it might still be standing.
It had an interesting reputation.
Ghosts.
Widdowson built Geap Manor.
It was said he consorted with witches.
You said Sir Roger was thick with some sort of necromancer? Yes.
Name of Unthank.
He's like the famous one.
Dr Dee.
Dee was a brilliant self-publicist.
That's why his name has survived.
Unthank was a far more interesting figure.
Not just spells or charms.
Lost knowledge from pre-Christian times.
Means of extending life.
Even reaching through time.
Doesn't sound too bad to me.
Ah, but there's no such thing as a free lunch, is there? There was a price to be paid for all these experiments.
In blood.
And that's what left the house with thisatmosphere? I suppose so.
But it's gone now, Geap Manor? Yes.
It was listed, of course, but it was in such a state of disrepair.
They did one of those TV shows from there.
Live ghosts and all that.
Bit of a contradiction in terms.
Did they see anything? Well, that's a moot point.
That dreadful woman on the telly gets hysterical over bits of bloody dust in the air.
Something happened.
That's when the walls came down.
I see.
And I thought the manor was all gone until Quite how it ended up in your garden, I really can't say.
But perhaps you'dlike to give it a good home.
Oh.
No? Bad juju, eh? No.
It's just Well, it's a museum piece, isn't it? I thought perhaps Ten a penny, I'm afraid.
I think it'd be happier doing its old job, Mr Morris.
Quite enough clutter to be getting on with!OK, then.
Why not? Smashing.
There we go.
Thank you very much.
Well, I'd better be Yes, of course.
Thank you very much.
Not at all.
I've really enjoyed it.
Maybe you could tell me more stories some other time.
Yes.
That'd be nice.
Cheerio.
ALARM RINGS Shut up! ALARM STOPS BELL RINGS Quiet.
Quiet! Hi.
Hey, Jess.
How are you finding them?Huh? Year Ten.
Oh.
They'd have killed a lesser man.
Aren't they keen on the Tudors? The Tudors are always a banker, aren't they? Usual story.
Keen on the head-chopping, not too keen on the domestic policies of Cardinal Wolsey.
How about you? I feel very sorry for Anne of Cleves.
Poor cow.
Flanders Mare, surely? Very good! Anyway, I meant how are you? I'm OK.
Yeah?Yeah.
Have you heard from Hannah? Nope.
People talk about the biological clock and all that, but I should have a say as well.
I'm just not I'm not ready.
You'd make a brilliant dad.
I'm sick of people saying that.
Sorry.
No, no.
I didn't mean it, it's just You know what I'm trying to say.
KidsYeah.
Mind you, young-ish, free and single.
You've got your freedom back now.
KNOCKING KNOCKING CONTINUES Hello? Who is it? DOOR CLOSES Oh SHUFFLING FOOTSTEPS Thanks.
You look tired.
Oh, you know.
Work.
Is there anything you need? I've told you I'll provide.
Not quite the same, is it? I just .
.
can't.
I can't.
For Christ's sake, Ben.
This is your kid.
Everything was fine.
It was so good.
Yeah, it was.
Until Junior popped up andspoiled everything I suppose?If you like.
Maybe you're right.
You and the baby.
I don't know ifI could cope with two bloody kids.
It's just not the way I thought my life would turn out.
No? Saw yourself in a garret in Paris writing love poetry, did you? La Bo-bloody-heme?Look You're a teacher, Ben.
In a rough school full of thick pigs.
If you were going tobe Hemingway, you'd have done it by now.
We're not going through this again.
No?No.
Are you OK? Obviously not, according to you.
No, I mean You lookI've told you.
Didn't sleep well.
KNOCKING KNOCKING CONTINUES A MALE VOICE SPEAKS IN LATIN A WOMAN'S VOICE JOINS IN Woe to those who seek to take upon themselves a burden that they cannot bear.
THEY CHANT IN LATIN Agh!Ah! Oh, no.
Hey, won't have any luck there, son.
Yeah, Saturday.
I should've known.
No, no.
It's shut.
Haven't seen a Tupperware box lying around, have you? Sorry, no.
Must've fell off the bike.
No.
Museum's been shut a couple of years now.
No-one's bothered now, are they? That's impossible.
Kiddies don't want to come, you see.
They're not interested in Romans and whatnot.
It's all computers now.
I just give my grandson cash for his Christmas box.
Seems a shame.
Bugger about that box.
Had a chunky Kit-Kat in it.
Sorry, you don't understand.
I was here a few days ago.
I went inside.
Really? Oh! Maybe they're opening up again.
That'd be nice.
No, no.
There was a man.
You know, the curator.
Was there? Yes! He mentioned someone.
Mr Mr Paget!Well, that's me, son.
No-one's said anything about it.
I just keep an eye on the place.
Still, I'd probably be the last to know! Be nice, as I say, if they're opening up again.
Cheerio then.
KNOCKING Hiya! To what do I owe? Are you OK?Have you got a minute? Oh, oh Thing is, Andy has them all week and he does Pilates on a Saturday.
It's really important.
Can I come in? Yeah, I suppose.
Come on.
Have you got it here? It's in the car.
I dunno what to say, mate.
I mean I know, I know, I know.
It's ridiculous.
You have beenI mean, stressed.
It wasn't a dream.
I know it wasn't.
Besides, the museum Yeah.
That is weird.
MummyIn a minute, Molly.
In a minute.
But you see, the people I saw the second time, the couple with the cradle, they were the ones in the painting.
The one at the museum.
I dunno what to say.
BANGING CRYING Are you online? Yeah, of course.
Can I?Yeah, on you go.
Sorry, I've just got to Any joy?Yeah, that's them.
I saw them! Sir Roger and Lady Widdowson.
That's them.
Shit, it's frozen.
SHE TAPS AT KEYBOARD You could try the old-fashionedway.
The house they knocked down was nearby.
No, no, no.
It's where my house is now.
It has to be.
Why else would the door knocker be in the garden? Oh, right, yeah.
And look at this.
It's like the man at the museum said.
The wife couldn't bear a child.
"Widdowson swore that he was prepared to go to hell and back in order to procure an heir to his estates.
" People accused him of devil worship and stuff.
Mm-hm.
Maybe I'm being shown these things, you know, for a purpose.
In these dreams? They're not dreams.
No.
Right.
No.
Look, Ben, I don't really believe in anything LAUGHING Molly! .
.
like that.
It sounds like a bad idea, messing around with You're not going to tell me about the Ouija board stuff you did at college, are you?No.
Well, actually, it was really spooky.
There was this girl and her Nan had just died OhI know.
And the glass did move.
The curator mentioned this, too.
Widdowson was close to an astrologer.
Sort of a necromancer.
Don't!What?You were going to do that Twilight Zone thing.
I wasn't.
Nee-nee, nee-nee Nee-nee, nee-nee I wasn't.
Seriously, Ben, get shot of it.
Yeah, butSeriously.
But I want to know what the hell's going on! I mean, this stuff doesn't happen in real life, does it?No.
And when people tell you stories, ghost stories or whatever, you always think, "What would it be like? What would it actually be like? How would I react?" You'd shit yourself and run a mile, that's what.
Yes, butI've got a bad feeling about this, Ben.
Maybe you're right.
PHONE RINGS ANSWER MACHINE:Sorry,the person you'vecalled is not available.
Leave amessage after the tone.
Hannah? It's me.
Pick up if you're there.
OK.
I just wanted to say Look, I really, really need to talk to you.
Will you call me? Bye.
TV PLAYS KNOCKING TV PLAYS ELECTRICITY CUTS OU EERIE LAUGHTER ALARM RINGS SPARKING No! No! No! No! No! No! No! EERIE LAUGHTER No! KNOCK AT DOOR Go away.
Go away! Ben? Ben, please! Please open the door.
Hannah.
Hannah? It's coming, Ben! The baby.
It started in the car.
I got your message, but I got lost.
Oh!Ooh!Oh! Ambulance?Yeah, that would be good.
Ambulance.
Yes, that's right.
BLEEPING Yes, it's a baby.
The baby's coming.
Sorry? Yes, it's 20 Mill Avenue, Windsor SL4.
Oh!Quickly! Thanks.
Bye.
Ambulance is coming.
Just keep breathing.
It's OK.
Ante-natal classes.
I know what to do.
Oh! Is there anything I can do? Aromatherapy oils.
In the bag.
And I was gonna have music.
Enya!Let me have a look.
Doesn't matter, doesn't matter.
Just get me some water.
Some water, please.
Water.
OK.
KNOCKING That was quick.
Hannah? No, no, no! Hannah? Hannah? Hannah? Hannah! His wife failed to bear him an heir.
Widdowson swore he was prepared to go to Hell and back in order to procure an heir to his estate.
He was thick with some sort of necromancer.
Means of extending life.
Even reaching through time.
SCREAMING Hannah.
SCREAMING SCREAMING CONTINUES SCREECHING CURATOR:'I suppose it might still be standing.