Darkwing Duck (1991) s01e03 Episode Script

# Daring duck of mystery # Champion of right # Swoops out of the shadows # Darkwing owns the night # Somewhere some villain schemes # But his number's up.
Three.
Two.
One # Darkwing Duck # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck Let's get dangerous.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck! # Cloud of smoke and he appears # A master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind # That shadowy disguise? # Nobody knows for sure # But bad guys are out of luck.
'Cause here comes - Darkwing Duck - Look out! # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out.
You bad boys # Darkwing Duck! This is the city of St.
Canard, my city.
There must be a million stories about it, and I know them all.
All the important ones, anyway.
And I keep them all locked in the secret Darkwing Files.
Now let me see, 36 right, No, that's not it.
Ah! Just as I thought.
Naturally, not every story is worth telling.
But there is one that stands out, alone, in a field all by itself.
It's the incredible story about a certain villainous vegetable, and its debut in the world of crime.
It all started at St.
Canard University on a normal spring day.
Normal.
That is.
Except for Scientific Research Lab 356.
It was your average research lab with your average research rats.
Research robots.
And your average research scientists.
Average.
That is.
Except for Dr.
Reggie Bushroot.
A man with a passion for plants.
Hey, stop it, you guys! Give it back! - Calm down, Reggie.
- Come on, give it back! - After all, it's only a potato.
- Yeah! A mashed potato! (men laugh) My experimental spud.
You've ruined it! It was then that she walked in.
Her name was Dr.
Rhoda Dendron.
It didn't take a Ph.
D.
in mathematics to see that she was one hot "numero.
" (both) Good morning, Dr.
Dendron.
Uh, we were just helping Reggie with his research.
I can imagine.
Is everything all right, Dr.
Bushroot? - Uh what? - Your experiment, how's it coming? Uh, it's fine.
I think all my research is about ready to pay off.
(man) Research? Ha! Hi, I'm Dr.
Reggie Bushroot.
I can't do real research, so I play with plants.
- Oh, good zingeroo, Dr.
Larson.
- Thank you, Dr.
Gary.
I'm not playing! If my research is successful, someday we'll get our nutrition just like plants.
We'll be able to snack on sunlight.
There's no money in nutrition.
It's not quality people want, it's quantity.
You see, bigger food means bigger profits, and bigger profits mean (both) Money, money, money! Did I hear someone mention money? Good morning, Dean Tightbill.
My, my, Dean Tightbill, you certainly know how to pick a suit.
Oh, he does! He does! Just look at that tie.
- What a wonderful pattern.
- That is ketchup.
Oh, yeah, but it's such a colorful ketchup, sir.
I'm sure Dean Tightbill has more important things to do than discuss wardrobe.
As a matter of fact, I do.
I've just been told we have to cut back on expenses.
And quite frankly, when I think of cutting back, I think of plants.
But-but-but I'm so close! All I have to do is integrate the chloroplast from these plants into animals and (coughs) Hey! Those aren't supposed to be here! You! You did this, didn't you? Now, now, Dr.
Bushroot, don't blame others for your failures.
- Can't you give Dr.
Bushroot more time? - Sorry, but time is money.
And as you well know, money does not grow on trees! Oh, don't worry, Dr.
Bushroot.
With your experience, you can get work anywhere you want.
Yeah, as a gardener! (snorts) Or maybe you can sell apples on a street corner.
(Gary and Larson laugh) Dr.
Bushroot, wait! Where are you going? Fascinating, isn't it? (grunts) Let's see.
Where was I? Oh, yes, there were "six pairs of socks, some polka-dotted underwear and" - Wait a minute! - Sorry, DW, that's my laundry list.
Ah, my favorite part.
"It was a dark and stormy night, "when suddenly the case took a left turn and headed straight for Dementedville.
" This may be the only chance I have left.
Once I prove that my theories work, the dean will have to fund my project again.
Are you ready? Then here's to a better tomorrow! Aaaah! Oh, dear, I feel so so so normal.
Oh, my experiment is a failure.
No, I'm a failure.
I'm scum.
No, I'm less than scum, I'm a worthless fungal parasite.
And you? You died for nothing.
Oh, the sacrifices we must make for science.
Yah-ha.
Oh, ah, yes! Oh, yes! Ah! It worked! Wow, just feel that sunlight surging through my body! Hey, what's this? I'm turning green.
Oh, ha, this could be a side effect.
Well, being green isn't so bad.
After all, I'm still the same old Reggie.
(students murmuring) Wait till the Research Department sees that my experiment is a success.
They'll never look at me the same way again.
It worked, everybody! It worked! (gasps) Dr.
Bushroot! Say, Reggie, you're looking a little green around the bill today.
Ooh! Where'd you get your hair done, a florist? - Oh, that was - Son of a broccoli.
What have I done to myself? Dr.
Dendron, I Oh! (singsong) Reggie's a veggie! Reggie's a veggie! Reggie's a veggie! Reggie's a veggie! Reggie's a veggie! Reggie's a veggie! All I ever wanted was to make the world a better place to live.
Now look at me.
I'm a walking salad bar.
Hey, cut it out! Come on, stop it! Go away! Quit it! Stop it! Leave me alone! Help! Help me, someone! Help! Please! (barks) Whew! Thanks.
I guess a dog's not a tree's best friend.
Wait a minute! You moved.
But you can't move, but you did move.
I must be losing my mind.
I gotta sit down for a moment.
Oh, thanks.
Oh, no! It happened again! A drink.
Yes, that's what I need, a drink.
(sighs) I must have some telepathic link with plants! This is a scientific breakthrough! Yes, that's it.
I'm the Dr.
Doolittle of the plant world! Ha-ha! This should impress them down at the lab! Oh, but they'll just laugh at me again.
Humiliate me in front of Rhoda.
Unless, of course, they had a little accident.
This plant thing may not be so bad after all! Yes, sir! Looks like we're finally going to get this project off the ground, Dr.
Larson.
Yeah, and not only will we cash in on inflated food prices, we'll give a new meaning to the phrase "a light meal.
" (both laughing) Light meal! (gasps) What the? It seemed the unsolvable crime.
The police were puzzled.
The feds were frustrated and the Gardeners' Association was stumped.
That's when I.
Darkwing Duck.
The supersleuth with a mind as sharp as hedge clippers.
Entered the case.
Gee, I wonder if these will require a lot of watering? Ah, Darkwing Duck, I'm Dr.
Rhoda Dendron.
- Can I do anything to help? - Not unless you have a rake handy.
- Oh! This is terrible.
- Mm, it's not so bad.
(gulps) However, it could use a little ketchup.
- You think Dr.
Bushroot did it, don't you? - In a word - yes.
In two words - most certainly.
In three words Just a minute.
How can you be so sure? Easy.
I never make mistakes.
King me.
Do you really think he'll come after me next? Certainly! It's a classic case of revenge.
And besides, all good supersleuths know a criminal always returns to the scene of the crime.
There! Let's see that big begonia try to get through this! Ha! Just one thing, DW.
How are we gonna get out? Stop, you sizable sapling! Whoa! Looks like his bark might be worse than his bite! No! No, please! This is what I get for being a vegetarian.
Over here, blockhead! You did it, DW! What'd you have to to that for, huh? I didn't do anything to you! You're just like all the others, always ruining things for me.
Well, now I'm gonna have to do to you what I did to them.
You'll never get away with this, Dr.
Bushroot.
- Oh, who's gonna stop me? - I am! The terror that flaps in the night.
The termite that devours your floorboards.
That is to say - Darkwing Duck! Hey, you play too rough! Come on, Launchpad, he's getting away! Sorry, DW, but I'm a little tied up right now.
Oh! This would have to be an Ivy League school.
Whoa! (saw whirring) Good thing I was wearing my buzz saw cuff links.
Yeah, but we better hurry.
Bushroot's gettin' away! Whoa! (Launchpad) Good thing I had a light breakfast.
(crash) - That oughta teach you.
- Sorry, but I'm a slow learner.
OK, Bushroot, the sprig is up.
Not yet, Darkwing Duck.
Clever, but you don't get away from Darkwing Duck that easily.
OK, Bushroot Huh? He's gone! Uh, DW, looks like maybe he decided to get back to his roots.
Very funny.
Darkwing Duck! Did you find Dr.
Bushroot? I think that's a safe assumption.
Oh! Poor Dr.
Bushroot! I feel so sorry for him.
You feel so sorry for that villainous vegetable? That flipped-out felonious flora? I'm the one with the Swiss cheese cape! Well, I-I'm sure whatever happened, Dr.
Bushroot didn't mean it.
Are you kiddin'? If it wasn't for DW, we'd be side dishes at the salad bar! Impossible! Dr.
Bushroot wouldn't hurt a fly.
Well, there was that one time, but then we needed the wings for an experiment.
If only there were some way I could talk to Dr.
Bushroot.
I'm sure I could persuade him to turn over a new leaf.
Poor Reginald.
It's not like he's always been a criminal.
He just hasn't been himself lately.
She called me Reginald! Rhoda called me Reginald! Not "Dr.
Bushroot" but "Reginald.
" Oh, I can't believe it! She likes me! She really likes me! All these years we've worked together, I never knew.
And so while Bushroot turned from vengeance-crazed vegetable to passionfruit, I decided to exercise my world-renowned deductive abilities.
I checked the minutest details, carefully weighed all the possibilities, and painstakingly examined each clue with staggeringly scrupulous scientific scrutiny.
But little did I realize that the Bushroot scenario was heating up.
(sniffs) Ow! (laughs) Uh, yes, I was soon to discover that the only thing more dangerous than a deranged half-plant half-duck is a deranged half-plant half-duck in love.
Ooh! Ah! Ooh! Ah! Ooh! Ah! Ooh! (humming) Thank you.
Hm, now I wonder if I should put on a tie or just grow my own.
(hums) Ooh, lovely.
Hm, should I go for the rakish look? Or perhaps something more modern.
Ah, there, much better.
Oh, no, not a weed! And right before my big date with Rhoda.
Ow! Now then, a little bug spray and I'm all set.
Thank you.
If Rhoda liked me before, she'll love me now.
I'll show that overgrown garden that no walking weed is going to outsmart Darkwing Duck! - But, Mr.
Darkwing - No buts.
This is a time for action, not idle chit-chat.
But really, there's something you must know.
Not now, Doctor.
Can't you see we're busy? (muffled) - I beg your pardon.
- I said we're bus Will you cut that out! Now, as I was saying We're creating the perfect disguise to catch Bushroot.
But that's poison ivy.
I see.
Well, then, that explains this incredible itching sensation.
(whimpering) (glass shatters) Hey, DW, nice crash.
And you didn't even have a plane.
(door opens) Oh, my! (gasps) - Dr.
Bushroot! - Rhoda, my darling! (sniffles) How romantic.
Not so fast, flower face.
Now put up your vines before I dust your crops.
Ooh! You're such a tough talker! Whoa! Come, Rhoda, my love! - Spike will take care of these two.
- Spike? Sick 'em, Spike! (gulps) Here.
Spike.
Here.
Boy! Go get it, boy! (chuckles) (gulps) Oh, good boy, Spike.
Now go fetch! Whew! Thanks, DW.
I thought we were plant food there for a second.
Ha! No puny plant's gonna get Darkwing Duck.
Now come on, Launchpad, we've got some gardening to do.
Ah, what a beautiful bride you are! And with a beautiful blossom like you at my side, the whole world will be green with envy.
This is the happiest day in my life.
But-but I can't marry you, Dr.
Bushroot.
I'm a working girl.
My career means too much to me right now.
Besides, you're a plant, I'm a duck - it'll never work out.
Don't worry, my sweet pea, I've taken care of that little problem.
All we need to do now is connect you to this petunia.
Add 30,000 kilowatts of electricity, and presto - you're the next cover girl of Lawn and Garden.
- Oh, but I don't want to be a plant! - Don't worry, you'll grow to love it.
But first, you'll grow leaves.
Release her, Bushroot! Or prepare to eat dirt.
You-you but-but How? How did you find me? Simple.
Your rootprints led me right to you.
Ooh, someone's always standing between me and what I want! But not anymore! Not anymore! Split that pair! Help! Get off me! What's going on? Hi-yah! It'll take more than squash to squelch this crime-fighter.
Oh, everybody's a critic.
- Enough already! - (Rhoda) Help! Help! Help! Ya-ha! Sorry, but it's time to prune your wedding plans.
Yeow! Ow! Hey, hey! Now, be careful with that thing, huh? - Yeow! Ow! - Ha! Ha! - It dices, it slices, it - (motor sputters) runs out of gas.
I'm afraid your gardening days are over! Whack that whacker! That's it! Now we're gonna do some serious weeding.
Hey! Where are you going? Uh-oh! Hi-ho, Slicer! Away! Yaah! Time to stop and smell the flowers! Ahchoo! Ah-ah-ahchoo! Phew! Oh, good boy, Spike.
(Rhoda) Help! Darkwing Duck, help! - Help! - Whoa! What's got? I was thinking the same thing.
Let's get dangerous.
I'll give you dangerous! Help! Help! - Yahoo! - No! You're ruining everything! Time to toss a little salad.
Pot that duck! Let's see how you like being trimmed.
(gulps) Stop! Whoa! Succotash! Yuck! Oh, no! We're too late! I'm so sorry.
Forgive me! - Uh, who are you talking to, Mr.
Darkwing? - Huh? Oh, me? No one.
Just checking for Medflies.
Quite a story, eh? (snoring) Uh, yeah! Right, DW.
Well, I guess that just goes to show you, (yawns) You may have to eat your vegetables, but you don't have to like 'em.
Ah! My own little place in the sun.
And before you know it, I'll be back on my roots again.
Hey! How about some water over here, and, uh, a little fertilizer? And maybe a little soft music? That'd be nice.
# Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck!