Dead Set s01e03 Episode Script

I don't care if that's part of the programme.
I'm not staying here! Trust me.
Outside, it's a bad idea.
DOOR SENSOR BEEPING Fuck off! (Veronica) Who are they? The government or army must have tested something they shouldn't.
Does this mean we're not on telly anymore? CRASHING I wish you'd stop huffing.
You'll use up all the air.
Do you even understand what is going on here? Or is all the whole world just colours and shapes and the occasional noise in your head? SQUELCHING Get some fucking supplies.
Now! (Kelly) If she dies she becomes one of them things in here.
Outside, she's trapped.
She's right.
We've got to move her.
SHATTERING At least we know we're alone, then.
(Kelly) Can you keep her alive? (Riq) Yes, I can.
But I need more than this.
The contents of a pharmacy.
Can you get me that? You know where we can get that medical stuff from, don't you? Supermarket out there with a chemist will all sorts of prescription stuff.
- How far is it? - It's close.
- (Kelly) No! - (Marky) Shit! Shit.
(Kelly) Get in the van, Marky.
Whoa! Take this right, this right.
Around the back it's safer.
It's clear for now.
Keep the engine running.
If you see anything, you bang that horn, right? Cool.
Let's go shopping.
This'll come in handy.
RATTLING TV went off the first night.
STATIC HISSING Oh, God.
It's the 'Big Brother' live feed.
- They must've evacuated the studio.
- Hurrah.
- My girlfriend works there.
- On that? Yes, and I'm worried about her.
Well, if the house is empty, then she'll have been evacuated too.
I guess so.
RADIO STATIC CRACKLING MAN SPEAKING FRENCH ON RADIO - What was that? - Sh.
MAN SPEAKING FRENCH ON RADIO MAN SPEAKING FRENCH ON RADIO RADIO STATIC CRACKLING RADIO STATIC HISSING MAN SPEAKING FRENCH ON RADIO SNORING Ugh! SNORING Oh, my God.
Sick.
I wish there was a bloody clock in this place.
SNORTING.
Yeah.
(Here.
) Sh.
What you poking me for? Acupressure.
Good for tension.
Not now it's not.
DOOR SLAMMING (It's over there.
) (Come on.
) - What did he say? - Sh.
- Do you understand him? - Shut up! MAN SPEAKING FRENCH ON RADIO 'Abri', that means 'shelter'.
GASPING I'm sorry.
Ange? No way! No way! Check that out.
I'm only on the front cover of 'Heat'! SIGHING "Cheats ex with" "Rubbish in bed" No.
What the? "Desperate fum" What a load of shit.
They don't half put a load of shit in that magazine, eh? "Rubbish in bed"? I'm mint in bed.
"Not as funny as he thinks"? I'm well funny.
OK.
Er, don't mention that to anyone when we get back in the house.
Yeah.
CAR ACCELERATING Mate! Mate, over here.
- Get down on your knees! - Get on your knees! - No, no.
- Get on your fucking knees.
- I don't wanna stop - Get down! - All right, all right, all right.
- Stay down.
All right, all right.
So what we gonna do with him, then, Den? I haven't made my mind up yet, Bob.
Hang on.
You're thatyou're that fella off 'Big Brother', ain't ya? Yeah, no, no.
It is.
He's that sort of black one, you know.
(Den) I dunno.
I don't watch it.
You know, you're shorter in real life.
Well, he's on his knees, isn't he, Bob? Look, mate I'll ask the questions.
What you doing here? I'm just getting supplies, medical supplies.
- So you're looting? - Nono, I'm not looting! So you're looting! Given the circumstances, we'll let you off with a caution.
So, what? Can I get up, then? Yeah? Well, you could say thank you.
- Thank you.
- Where you going? Butlins? Not planning a countryside tour, I hope.
That would be a mistake.
Have you got somewhere to hole up? Where do you think? What? Big Brother house? 'Ere, is that, um Veronica still there? Yeah.
Oi, mate.
She is well fit.
Er, Veronica - Yeah? - Er, would you like a cup of chai? All right, thanks.
Sorry, is that "All right, thanks", as in you would like one or "I'm all right, thanks", as in, "l wouldn't"? Second one.
- No, sorry.
It it - I don't want one! Right.
OK.
BREATHING HEAVILY Can't you untie me? Please, Grayson.
Here.
INHALING DEEPLY That's better, huh? I know you're there, Joplin.
You know, you should have just asked me for a quick flash, cos it's the end of the world and I might have felt sorry for you.
But you didn'twhich is a shame.
Cos what you're doing is a bit creepy, innit? - Oven chips? - They're essential.
So if there's a power cut, you gonna eat them frozen? Er, if there's a power cut, they'll defrost.
What? And you'll eat them cold and mushy? - Wouldn't be the first time.
- OK.
Come on.
Hurry up.
CLANKING Sh.
ROARING Shit, shit, let's go.
UNEARTHLY SCREAMING Ain't there somewhere we should be trying to head for? Like where? Well, I dunno.
Who's in charge? You haven't heard, have you? SCREAMING Stay there! Run to me! SHOTS FIRING SHOTS FIRING AND SHOUTING SCREAMING Fuck! Come on, please, Den.
It's only a little one.
- Look at me.
- A bite's a bite, Bob.
Sorry, mate.
I really am sorry, mate.
I had to do that.
There's nothing else you can do for a bite.
You die, you come back as one of them.
That's how it works.
And it works fucking fast.
All right.
Just put that thing down! If you lot hadn't been pissing round in the first place The advice was, "Stay indoors.
" Or don't you watch telly? What's that? Is that a bite? No, no, no! No, it's not a bite.
It's not a bite.
He's telling the truth, I swear to you.
He's telling the truth.
Back off, sunshine.
SOBBING HISSING No! It's not a fucking bite.
It's not a bite.
Bollocks.
I'm not taking the chance.
SHOOTING GROANING I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Come on.
We gotta go.
Come on.
Now! HOWLING - Babe, let's go.
- Oh, shit.
- Go! Go! Go! - We gotta get out! - Fuck! - Come on! SNARLING Shit.
SCREECHING SCREECHING SCREAMING Oh, my God.
Grayson! Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! SAVAGE GROWLING SAVAGE GROWLING (Veronica) Fuckin' help me! SAVAGE GROWLING Oh! Help me! INHUMAN GROWLING - Shit.
- Look, we had no choice, all right? - Do you hear me? - He's right, yeah.
It was him or us.
SCREECHING SCREECHING - She can't get out.
- Leave her.
She's one of them now.
What do I do? Tell me what to do.
Fucking help me! He's dying right here! I don't know what to do, Joplin! Joplin! Oh, you gotta be joking.
What? SCREAMING Just close the fucking door.
Close it! Close it! UNEARTHLY GROWLING WHIMPERING Don't leave me with him! - I'm not.
- You are! - Stay there! Oh.
Mmm.
You snore.
GASPING, STOMACH RUMBLING You're a snorer.
Oh! MOANING Whoo.
LOUD SNARLING SNARLING AND THUMPING MOANING AND PANTING - Oh, God.
You're not gonna be sick? - No.
Oh, no! You're not doing that in here.
Oh, no! It's horrible! - Put your fingers in your ears.
- Oh! I hate you! I hate you! Go, go, go.
Oh! God! DEFECATING LOUDLY Ooh-ooh-ooh.
Urgh.
GRUNTING AND DEFECATING Oh, I want my mum.
Oh, it's disgusting! - Shut up.
- I hate you! Shut up.
Oh, fuck.
Oh.
- God, it's disgusting.
- Just shut up.
You finished? Pass me a napkin.
SOBBING There's a napkin by you.
Pass me that fucking napkin now! Fucking take it.
I don't like this.
Glad you applied? -I hate you.
- It's a shit.
UNEARTHLY HOWLING Oi.
So I rush him with the duvet, yeah, pin him down with this, and you do him with the knife.
- Oh, no.
No way.
No.
- What, then? Then you rush him with the duvet and I'll stab him.
Which is it gonna be? - I can't.
- Joplin! We ain't having him run around out there, all right? Marky and that are coming back from the supermarket, through that door.
We've got to get rid before that happens, or he'll kill them all.
- I told you that I can't.
- There isn't any choice, you dick! - What you doing? - Don't stop, for chrissakes.
- We gotta shut the gate.
- What? They're gonna keep pouring in from outside if we don't shut the gate.
We might as well do it while we're here.
Seize the day, and shit.
OK.
Yeah, well I'm the driver, innit? God Great.
Great.
Come on, come on.
HOWLING Shit.
Kelly, get in, get in! Go! Go! Right.
Now, focus.
Yes, yes.
I'm trying to focus.
- OK, I'm trying to visualise - Fuck that! Just make sure you pin his head down under that.
Cover his teeth.
- But what if he gets loose? - Well, do it right and he won't.
Yep, but what if he does? Then he'll probably kill us! What do you want me to say? - Stop being a nine-year-old.
- Yeah! OK.
Yeah, all right.
OK.
Great! GROWLING - Let's just get this over with.
- All right.
All right.
Bang that end.
BANGING AND GROWLING BANGING AND GROWLING LOUDLY Gray! HOWLING SCREECHING AND GRUNTING HOWLING (Veronica) Arggh! Ugh! - What are you doing? - Ugh, ugh! It's stuck! It might come back on.
They said it won't.
Well, there's gotta be other people out there heading for the coast.
I've told you.
The ports are overrun, and if anything, it's worse over the Channel.
- Face it.
We're on our own.
- Well, well.
HOWLING Shit.
(Alex) We should check the walls out there.
Make sure they're secure.
"Really, Alex?" Yes, Tariq.
Why torture yourself? Look, if there's still a signal I dunno.
There's It's a big studio.
She could have found somewhere.
You been with her long? Is four years long? Beats my record.
And it would have been five next month.
If we'd made it to next month.
You love her.
Does that make me some kind of pussy to you? No.
SPLASHING AND SCREECHING - Quite stupid, ain't they? - Not the brightest bunch.
Can't even get out the side.
Don't know they're dead.
Good old British public.
Yeah, you're right.
You're all right.
They're thick as shit.
So, as long as we're still breathing .
.
we're smarter than them.
And that's why we're gonna beat 'em.
People! People! Other people.
- Shit.
- We're not the only ones! (Derek) We're not the only ones.
They're miles away.
May as well be looking at cartoon characters.
That's her! That's her! That's her.
She's alive.
That's my girl.
That's her.
That's her.
She's alive.
LAUGHING Good girl.
Good girl! Good girl.
Kel.
Kelly! Kel, oh.
That's a girl.
Good girl, Kel.
She's alive.
Kel.
Ohoh That's her.
She's alive.