Dinner Time Live with David Chang (2024) s01e03 Episode Script

1
[opening theme music playing]
Welcome to Dinner Time Live
with yours truly, David Chang.
Joining me is Chris Ying,
my partner in crime.
He's going to make sure that we're on time
and fact-check all of my mistakes.
And I'm joined with
This is very strange
'cause I know these guys.
Two of my good friends
and some of the funniest people
in the world,
Nick Kroll, John Mulaney.
Thanks for joining us today.
-Thanks for having us.
-Thanks for having us.
So, today, I'm going to be making
sort of my versions of American classics.
So, it's like based on the true story.
And the reality is it's basically just
going to be a burger
and some other things.
But, um, I'm always trying
to test things out.
And, uh you know, ask,
"Is something the way
it really should be?"
So, number one, I want to test out
the spray bottle, all right?
I wanna show the world
that the spray bottle
is an underutilized piece
of equipment in the kitchen.
-Great.
-All right?
Two
This is going to be the hottest take
I could possibly make.
The hot potato chip
-is better than the French fry.
-[Nick] Yeah.
That's a crazy
-Whoa!
-[all laughing]
It's a crazy thing to say.
Crazy thing to say,
and a crazy-making thing to say.
-I know.
-It's making us crazy.
I don't think anyone's
ever uttered those words.
The hot potato chip
A hot potato chip is better
than the French fry.
We've been friends for a long time, Dave,
and I think this idea sucks.
[all laughing]
That gauntlet. What a needlessly
large gauntlet you've thrown down.
-That's what we do here.
-[both] Okay.
All right. I didn't realize we were doing
something really, like, interesting.
And this is going to be
I think pétanque ball,
bigger than baseball in the United States.
That's the equivalent
of what I just said, right?
No one even knows what pétanque is.
That's exactly right.
Yeah, but hot potato chips,
sweeping the nation.
Hot potato chips. You'll see.
I want to prove you guys wrong.
And lastly, if you didn't like that one,
you're definitely not going to
like this one. [laughs]
2024, I feel like it's time
that we move the burger
in a little bit different direction.
We can't change the burger,
but maybe you'll find this agreeable,
that we should be dipping
the burger in things.
-Okay, I'm back onboard.
-That's fine.
[David] That's fine?
You endorse that message?
-I'm again happy to be on the show.
-Yeah.
Look at this beautiful I made this.
For you guys.
-[Nick] That's really beautiful.
-[John] That's nice.
[David] One of the things
that's as American as can be, I think,
is ranch dressing.
-[Nick] Yeah.
-[David] And, honestly,
it's the only way I eat vegetables.
-[Nick] Mm-hmm.
-And I'm spraying
-You want to try?
-[John] Ranch?
-Sure. Uh-huh.
-Macro dose.
Absolutely not.
[all laughing]
-Pretty good, right?
-[Nick] Yeah.
It's Drakkar Noir.
[all laughing]
So this is salt, a little MSG,
a little agave.
And I worked at a restaurant
called Kikunoi for a couple weeks,
and my only
Give it up for Kikunoi.
My only role
was to spray water on a box
that they would send the food out.
-That was my job.
-A box?
A box, literally.
They would put the food in a box.
And I would spray Mist the box.
[Nick] With, like, a salty kind of
No, just plain water.
-Really?
-Yeah.
-Okay.
-That's how ridiculous
And are we allowed to Can we
So you have some
I'm not the front of the house server.
You got some vegetables you can dip it in.
[Nick laughs]
[John] That's great.
Ranch dressing is a vehicle for MSG
as far as I'm concerned.
Okay. I like all these.
-Mm.
-[Chris] He is downplaying this.
He was extraordinarily proud
of how beautiful that is.
I thought it was one of It's like
[Nick] People can't tell,
but these are cauliflower
that have been tie-dyed.
These are actually made
It's a beautiful color palette.
How much do you think about that
when you're making food?
Like how much of it is
how it tastes versus,
like, how you want it to look on a plate?
It depends on who
I'm trying to, uh, serve.
So, yesterday, I was thinking about it,
and it looked very different.
I think It looked like something
you would get at the supermarket,
like those pre-cut things.
But I was like,
"I got John Mulaney and Nick Kroll.
I need to step up my game."
-Okay.
-So, inspired by
You might see this
kind of plating all over the world,
and it's really inspired by this chef
called Michel Bras in Laguiole, France.
And he had a dish called the Gargouillou,
and anytime you see
kind of something like that,
it derives from that great chef.
He was the first person to go,
"I'm going to mess it all up."
Yeah. As it sort of falls, right?
-[Nick] As it falls.
-On the plate.
Which is not necessarily the case.
-Now, I just
-And he did set design on Avatar.
-Yes.
-[David laughs]
Now, I double-dipped.
-[David] Well
-Which is a very famous funny concept.
-Okay. Oh, wow.
-Which is why I saw you double-dip.
I know you're a double-dipper.
I've known you a long time.
Yeah. You've watched me double-dip enough.
-He's a notorious double-dipper.
-Mm-hmm.
So I wanted to make sure that you guys
had your separate ranch dressings.
[Nick] I should say Can I just say
I now feel like, I've double-dipped,
I have full-blown COVID right now.
-So
-[all laughing]
-So I should have mentioned that.
-I assumed.
So, before we aired,
I was frying these
and I told you guys that I was
I didn't do them quite well
because I had a problem
with frying on the show live.
I don't know why.
But it wasn't necessarily
where I wanted to be,
but I think I got it to a good place.
So, these are jalapeño poppers.
And I didn't make the sausage
or the farce inside.
I just used good old Jimmy Dean sausage
with cream cheese, mozzarella,
a little mayonnaise.
I can't remember what else I put in there.
-[Chris] Kewpie Mayo.
-Kewpie Mayo.
-[Chris] Chili Crunch.
-Chili Crunch.
-Put in some Chili Crunch.
-The Momofuku Chili Crunch?
To dip it into the ranch dressing.
Oh, really? Okay. Great.
Might be a little I want to see.
[John] And these were the ones that,
right before we went live,
-you were yelling and swearing about?
-Yeah.
-[John] And then you fixed them.
-I did, though.
So you found a fresh backup?
No, I didn't even get to the backup.
-These are the Okay.
-[David] Yeah.
And these are Paula Deen, you said?
No, no, no, Jimmy Dean.
-[Nick] Okay.
-[Chris laughs]
Okay.
All right, should we
-Hey.
-Hey.
-Cheers.
-To us.
-Let me get in there.
-Oh! Right.
Hey. I have COVID.
-All right. Here's to COVID.
-COVID!
[exhales]
What do you think?
-Very good, Dave.
-It's delicious.
Very good, Dave.
Very nice, Dave.
What was the shortest
you ever worked at a restaurant?
[David] Um
I think it was like, like,
three weeks in Japan.
I think I've told the story,
like, a number of times,
but it's the only job I wanted to keep.
I was making soba.
And this guy,
it was just him and his wife,
and it's the job I got.
It's the only job
I've ever been fired from.
[Nick] You got fired for bad behavior
or for poor skill?
For being a loud, big Korean
in a small Japanese kitchen.
So, you were like, "This is
the job I want more than anything."
-[David] Yeah.
-"So I should just make sure to"
And it's the only job I ever
really wanted to do well at.
And I was like, "What the hell?"
-[Nick] Yeah.
-Yeah.
[Nick] Maybe you were
self-sabotaging, Dave.
-It's possible.
-[Nick] Mm-hmm.
[Chris] Let's dig into that.
[all laughing]
Yeah. Hey, can you find out
from the Internet
whether Dave was self-sabotaging?
[John] When he was making soba noodles.
A lot of people on Discord
think you were self-sabotaging.
-[Nick chuckles] Really?
-[David] Um
I don't think
There was a debate, should I do this?
-[Nick] Mm-mmm.
-Should I grind meat on live TV?
-[Nick] Yeah?
-And I'm going to.
So I'm going to start to grind
the meat for the hamburger.
-[John] Hold up.
-[gasps]
-No.
-What?
I was about to sneeze, and then
-You thought you were
-Completely went away.
I thought you were going to object
to him grinding the meat
No, no, no. I didn't want to interrupt
any of this debate he had
about grinding the meat on live
[Nick] You know, "Grinding The Meat"
was the original name for Big Mouth.
[all laughing]
-[John] That's wonderful.
-Yeah. [chuckles]
[Nick] Available on the Netflix platform.
So when you guys buy hamburgers
You make burgers?
[Nick] I love hamburgers.
It's one of my favorite foods.
You cook burgers?
You eat burgers, I know.
I cook burgers with the Wahlberg family.
-What?
-[John] They make their own burgers.
He's the fourth Wahlburger.
-[David] You are?
-Yeah.
That's how I got my start
in this business.
I happen to be a Wahlberg.
[Nick] I have a joke that
I've been telling, which is a weird way
to segue into what is
going to now seem like a joke.
Wow. Look at all that What's that part?
-Fat. Yeah.
-[Nick] Uh-huh.
-That's what makes the burgers healthy?
-That's what I wanted to say.
Like, if you go to the supermarket,
you're only going to find 95/5% fat.
-Or like 80/20 might be the most.
-[John] 80/20 80 lean.
-It's got to be 70/30.
-[Nick] For a proper burger?
Even if you have a good pâté
or sausage, it's got to be 30% fat ratio.
[Nick] I like the restaurants that
are like Where people are like,
"They actually have a very good burger."
Like, that is a real
You're like, how hard is it?
But I feel like, how hard is it
to make a good burger?
But I feel like that's
what you're gonna show us.
And the irony is, I make fun of people
that grind their own meat at home.
-I do.
-[Nick] Why?
Because I think it's totally ridiculous.
Look at this. This is crazy.
John and I have only
done that in the basement.
[audience laughing]
With, uh
[squelching]
-Oh, wow. What's that noise?
-Did we get that noise?
Yeah.
[Nick] What is that noise?
I don't know,
but we've had enough of that.
Can I get a time check?
-[Chris] You are ten minutes in.
-Wow.
[Chris] What are the benefits,
other than looking cool,
to grinding your own meat there?
Um [smacks lips]
-First of all, this is dry-aged beef.
-[Nick] Mm-hmm.
And I know that
it's going to be, like, 70%.
So I put in chuck,
I put in brisket, I put in short rib.
That's sort of like the Holy Trinity
for making a good burger meat,
and I can't
I have no idea where the ground beef comes
from when you buy it at the supermarket.
-[Nick] Yeah.
-And it comes in that puck, you know?
-[Nick] Yeah.
-That, like, Starburst square.
But if the meat isn't bright red,
do I know that it's good for you?
I feel like when you buy those
that meat in the supermarket,
it feels incredibly
-Red.
-Yes, like unseemingly so.
I don't know.
Chris, can you help me out here?
The question is, why is meat red,
or the next question is
Are they dyeing meat at the supermarket
to make it seem more red?
[David] I don't know.
I don't know. I know they do that
with some of those veggie burgers.
-They put, like, beet juice in.
-[Nick] Uh-huh.
You think it naturally would be
more of a brown or gray color?
I guess so, or like
[Chris] Sounds like when it's exposed
to oxygen, it gets more red.
So your meat has been exposed to the air
at the grocery store, like a lobster.
[John] I guess they get red
when they boil.
Yeah, opposite.
So the opposite of a lobster.
I don't know why I agreed with you.
It's the opposite.
[John] It's the opposite when
they're exposed to boiling water.
-[Nick] Are we having square burgers?
-[David] Square
[Nick] Or rectangular burgers?
-[David] Rectangular.
-Okay.
[John] This guy knows his shapes.
Yeah. So, Wendy's What that?
This guy knows his shapes.
Or wait, they're rectangular burgers.
[Nick] I've been working on it.
Rectangles are longer on one side
than squares.
-Rectangles are squares that got longer.
-Are they
All right. Look, we did it. We're done.
-[John] That's great. Yeah.
-[Nick] Yeah, it looks delicious.
And so you just serve that to us?
You know what? That's way bigger
than [laughs] I thought it'd come out.
I've never actually used this before.
I thought, why not
just try it out on live TV?
-[Nick] Right.
-Here we go.
[Nick] Large rectangular burger cutter.
-That's a little too large.
-[Nick] Thrilled with a bigger burger.
-Where are you at with, like
-[David] Oh, fuck it.
[Nick] Where are you at with Smashburger
-I just said F-bomb. Did they hear that?
-No, they didn't.
[Chris] Drawing attention to it
-Yeah.
-I didn't even hear it.
Do you want to make a thing out of that
so that people watching at home
know how many you have left?
No, I want someone at Netflix
to feel sympathetic
to just give us a TV-14 rating.
-[Nick] Mm-hmm.
-[John] Oh.
-Yeah
-[Nick] Here we go. Let's do it.
Don't penalize David.
Don't penalize David for free speech.
[Nick] We're starting a GoFundMe page
for David's F-bombs.
[all laughing]
For all of his F-bombs,
we want to start a GoFundMe page.
David is a passionate young man,
who expresses himself
He uses the words
that feel true to him in the kitchen.
[Chris] You found it, Nick.
That's the right camera.
That's the right one.
-This is the right camera?
-Directly overhead.
Dave has written about how mean
and loud he can be in a kitchen.
[Chris laughing]
It got him fired
from his beloved soba job.
-[Chris] Nick
-Yes.
The Internet is asking
You and Dave go way back.
Do you remember eating
at the old Noodle Bar way back in the day,
and did Dave ever hook you up?
The noodle
Yes. Both John and I
were performing at a theater
called Rififi on 11th Street.
"Theater"? It was a video store.
It was a video store.
Yeah, where we would
then be followed by burlesque shows.
-Yes
-I always thought it was a bar.
[Nick] It was up front,
and it was a video store,
and then a black box
It was called Cinema Classics Video Store.
It did not have a cabaret license, which
is what you need to host live events.
And I don't believe
it had a liquor license.
It was a bar and a performance space.
And the original Noodle Bar
was around the corner.
-On 10th and 1st.
-Yeah.
And so I'd go in there
I remember going in the first time
and having dumplings.
-Then you stopped serving dumplings.
-Yep. Everyone got upset.
-Yes.
-But we didn't have that many customers.
[all laughing]
We really didn't. You guys
When did you introduce the fried
chicken dinner at the Noodle Bar?
Fried chicken and caviar, that was 2006.
-[Nick] At Tom, or
-No, Noodle Bar.
And people were like,
"$100 fried chicken dinner!
-You're out of your mind."
-Yeah.
How much is this meal tonight for us?
What are we getting charged?
-Yeah.
-We haven't talked about that.
I haven't seen any prices.
I'm staying above here,
so they're gonna charge it to the room.
[all laughing]
But the funny thing is, like,
I've known Kroll for a long time.
I think we met maybe
mutual friends in college?
[Nick] My high school friends
went to college with you.
We went on a pub crawl,
Shaffer's pub crawl
-That's right.
-for his birthday.
-And
-Went to Coney Island.
Yeah, went to a game, the whatchamacallit?
-Cyclones.
-Yeah, Cyclones.
And then, you opened your place
and we would go
We would go occasionally,
but then it got really hard to eat there.
[John] It got really hard to eat there.
[David] But before even that
And we won't name names,
but I think you know exactly who they are.
[Nick] Yeah.
Whether it's apocryphal or not,
I feel like this was definitely said
to our mutual friends.
[Nick] Yes.
When we'd tell them,
"Hey, I'm gonna become a cook,
and you're gonna become a comedian."
There was, amongst those friends,
somebody that had already gone
to cooking school.
-And somebody that was
-[Nick] People thought was funnier.
And people'd say, "You're not a good cook,
and you're not even that funny,
so I don't know
why you guys are gonna do this."
It's true. It's Stephenson.
We can say his name.
I mean, it's a compliment
to Chris Stephenson.
All of our friends thought
that Stephenson was funnier than me.
Who was the better chef? Or who were
they saying comparable was
Andre went to cooking school.
Oh, that's right, Andre. Yeah.
Uh, yeah. Well, it turned out
It worked out.
[David] Turned out
they probably weren't that wrong.
They weren't that off,
based on my jokes so far,
and, uh you know,
these rectangle burgers, but they
But we then started going to Ssäm Bar.
I lived around the corner from Ssäm Bar,
so when that opened
It was harder
It was easier to get into Ssäm Bar
than Noodle Bar is what happened.
That was what happened.
Yeah, if we want to really get into it.
One night, at Ssäm Bar, David brings out
bread with a bunch of butter,
and he goes,
"This is Vermont salted butter.
-"Do you think I could charge"
-Your memory is crazy.
You go, "Do you think I could charge
$10 for the bread and butter?"
Yeah, and we ate it.
And we ate it
and we said, "Yes, you could."
-And then he did.
-Yeah.
-[John] It was really good butter.
-[Nick] It was.
[John] It was really salty butter.
I think about that every time I get bread
and butter at a restaurant where I'm like,
well, this is as good as most of the
Like, of course, why shouldn't we charge?
Dave understands those sick
capitalist rhythms, where he's like,
if you make something $10, you'll go,
"Yes, it's worth $10."
[Chris] So we asked Dave before
if he had any pictures
from this era of you guys
hanging out back in the East Village,
and he said that
there are no photos of this.
Unfortunately, we don't have any photos,
but thank God we live in an era
of artificial intelligence.
-You can right that wrong.
-[both] Oh, my God!
[Chris] So we asked AI to create an image
of a young Dave Chang,
a young John Mulaney and young Nick Kroll
hanging out in the East Village.
-This is what we got.
-[David] Where is the Asian guy?
[Chris] I think they merged you guys
into this guy in the middle.
I think you're in the middle.
AI always bums me out.
It just It feels so anti-Semitic, always.
[Chris] I mean, this dude
in the middle looks like
a baby between Dave, Nick and John Legend.
It does look like John Legend.
It's John Legend.
-That's the thing with AI, it's creepy.
-I like how I look.
-We have individual
-Assuming I'm not Tony Hawk.
[Chris] We also have
some individual portraits.
This is a young Dave Chang here.
I'm going to put
my glasses on to see this. [chuckles]
This is what Dave looked like
before he had
Hey, Dave!
That's at the soba
Is that at the soba bar?
[Chris] This is at the soba bar, where
he was fired quickly, shortly after this.
And then I think we've got John
as a young man here.
Let's see how John
[David] Yeah, that's pretty accurate.
-That's pretty good.
-Looking dapper as heck.
That really looks right.
-[Chris] Of course.
-Kennedy.
And then this is what AI thinks
a young Nick Kroll looked like.
[all exclaiming]
Sure, outside.
[all laughing]
Famously outside.
My Wikipedia says I like to hike,
and so AI learned.
Wait. Well, where am I in mine?
-Did we Am I in
-[Chris] Can we go back?
I'm in a darkened bar.
You're at a 1960s debate society.
[all laughing]
[Chris] You look like you're at
a funeral parlor or something.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
That's definitely how I feel.
-Yeah. In general?
-Yeah.
A little perplexed.
It's a, man
AI's really coming for us, huh?
I realized that gauntlet
that I threw down
Now I realize these potato chips
better be really goddamn good.
[Nick] They better be,
because every time I don't get fries,
I'm furious.
Yeah.
In-N-Out fries?
-Oh, a nightmare.
-[Chris] Oh, boy.
What's going on there?
They intentionally make them bad.
-Really?
-What?
-Yeah.
-Why?
I think the executives, they know that.
They can make the goddamn fry better.
-[Nick] So why
-But why
'Cause a frozen French fry
McDonald's French fries
are like the ideal French fries.
[Nick] Yes. Better than everyone.
Because
[John] A tall, beautiful woman.
[all laughing]
You're setting the starch content.
Slim fries, gorgeous.
So wait You're setting the bar high,
so they're like, "Why compete,
-let's have a terrible product"?
-No.
They clearly know how to make
whatever kind of food they want.
They can do it. They choose not to make
a delicious French fry.
Because I think
it makes the burger more attractive.
[Nick] Ah-ha!
-That's interesting.
-Yeah.
[Nick] Isn't there, like,
you look at us cut the potato
right in front of you
and then we make the fry.
It's like there's no
Even with a fresh potato,
you're saying you could make a better fry.
They only fry it, like, once.
I won't go in the science of it,
but it's impossibly stupid
how they make their French fries.
I love In-N-Out. Don't give me wrong.
Is that done in the food world,
where you make one dish mediocre
so that, comparably,
another thing stands out?
I think that's part
of the whole DNA of In-N-Out,
-to make the fries terrible.
-[John] Thank you.
[Nick] Thanks.
Not terrible, but, like, forgettable.
So the burger really shines.
I see.
Think about it. Nobody says, like,
if the burgers were amazing,
then you would have an argument
that man, like, the fries are really good.
[Nick] Yeah. You get the
I get over Medium well Not over
I can't remember, at In-N-Out,
that makes them slightly more tolerable.
-What? You get 'em animal style
-Not animal style.
-What's that?
-[Chris] Well-done fries.
Yeah, not well-done.
Well-medium,
or it's like, before well-done.
You can order well-done fries at In-N-Out?
[Chris] Evidently, you can order
medium-well fries if you're Nick Kroll.
Yeah. I can't remember the term,
but it's like they're more crispy,
but they're not
-'Cause, like, when you get to the
-I'd like extremely rare fries.
[Chris laughs]
I wanna see them bleed still.
But the problem with getting it well-done
or animal style
is that it makes the wait forever.
So you might have ticket number 100,
but they're now calling 140.
[Nick] Mm-hmm.
How do you
When you're making your burgers now,
I feel like burgers became very much
Like smashburgers became a whole thing.
Where do you stand inside of this?
It's just like how
you're supposed to make a burger.
I'm not a big grilling burger guy.
I'm not either.
I prefer griddled.
[Nick] Yeah.
And I'd also say that
[John] Whoa!
[Chris] Fukui-san.
The Internet wants to know
what you're doing.
[David] What'd you say?
[Chris] Trying to interrupt,
Iron Chef style.
The Internet wants to know what you're
I'm making a nonalcoholic beer sauce.
Au poivre sauce but
with nonalcoholic beer.
[Chris] And what makes your chips better
than those In-N-Out fries?
-I don't know if they will be.
-[all laughing]
[Nick] We'll see.
I mean, the whole show hinges on it.
[all laughing]
-[Chris] Promises were made.
-You're not wrong.
-If I'm being honest.
-I approached a nonalcoholic beer
about being their spokesperson,
'cause I'm the perfect person.
I absolutely can't have alcohol.
I'll go insane.
And they said, "We don't want
that kind of spokesperson.
"We want someone
who comes to nonalcoholic beer
'cause they enjoy the taste."
[Nick] Sure.
[John] I thought
that's completely misguided.
[Nick] This is a
So this is gonna be
tough news for you to swallow.
I am now the spokesman.
[all laughing]
-Are you really?
-No.
I hope there was a camera
that caught his real reaction
to that moment of, like,
"So you got it?
You got the nonalcoholic beer."
-Good for you.
-Good for you.
I'm happy for you.
I'm actually happy for you.
No, but I would because I do like this
-Athletic.
-It's Athletic beer.
And I Yeah. I like drinking it.
I could drink like 12
or 14 a day. [laughs]
[Chris laughs]
[David] Let me explain
what's happening here.
There's a lot that's been happening
ever since those AI pictures of us.
Um
So I'll start with the fries.
Not the fries. Oh, my gosh.
Hot chips.
I blanched them earlier
at a lower temperature.
What temperature? I don't know, 'cause
I'm just eyeing everything here.
And now, I'm trying to get them
nice and golden brown and crispy.
Here, I'm making that sauce.
I started off with shallots,
black pepper, butter, garlic.
I browned off some of the ground beef trim
because when you make an au poivre sauce,
it usually is with
[John] Sure.
Exactly. The
The caramelized drippings, butter.
I'm gonna add some sour cream.
And going back to the smashburger.
Reason why I don't like
talking about it is now you have
The average home cook now
is talking about "the Maillard reaction."
-[Nick] Yeah.
-And all of these things and
[Nick] The Maillard reaction.
It's like the sugars that get caramelized
in the meat, and
How is that?
-[David] It's just
-Just flattened
German revolution.
Then start talking about reverse sear
and all this other
Ah-ha. Not Danny Meyer.
-[David laughs]
-Right?
That's where the first smashburger
I feel Shake Shack was like that.
So that was like,
if I couldn't go to Ssäm Bar,
-I would go to that Shake Shack on
-Madison Square Park.
Madison Square Park.
-That's not even remotely close.
-I know.
But that's
You know whose burger I love in New York
is Olde Towne Tavern.
That is a good burger.
And they got good wings, too.
That place had That was a tasty burger.
But I do remember, though,
all burgers aside, that I would
-I would
-[Nick] I would watch that show.
It's a good name for a show.
-[Chris] Or a memoir.
-[Nick] Burgers Aside.
It's all just sides that you have
alongside your burgers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You guys would play at Rififi's.
I think I saw probably the first day
you guys did Oh, Hello there.
-[Nick] Yep.
-And
I just think it's crazy
that we're here right now.
It is
-What year did Ssäm Bar open?
-[David] 2000
No, 2004, it happened.
So you guys
[John] 2004, you'd be sitting there.
Mike Bloomberg, LCD Soundsystem.
[laughing]
-Everyone there together.
-Everyone there together.
Eating little pork buns, toasting 'em.
But before that, though,
the Ssäm Bar is I mean,
you've for sure talked about this.
But I remember
going to Ssäm Bar the first time
and you were like, "It's gonna be
a late-night Korean burrito place."
I did say that.
[Nick] That was
what the original version was.
You're like, "I'm gonna be open till 4:00
and make, like, Korean style tacos"
I had to be open till 4:00 because
we were gonna go out of business.
Okay.
So I needed to stay open
as long as possible.
But that was the crazy switch, was
Burritos by day,
and whatever we could cook at night
to stay in business.
That's how it happened.
[John] That was the beginning of Ssäm?
-Yeah.
-[Nick] I remember
I liked the burritos.
Did you ever end up making them elsewhere?
Did they become a thing?
You really were like,
"Boy, this was not good."
No, I
Do you guys ever have jokes
where you're like, "Damn it,
-"I know it's good."
-[Nick] Mm-hmm.
"Maybe it doesn't hit in, like, this era,
but I'm gonna"
-[John] They all hit.
-No, they all hit.
[all laughing]
I don't know what you mean,
but I got the first part of,
"Damn it. I know this is good."
-Well, that's how I feel.
-[Nick] Yeah.
And I just don't know when you, like,
kill your darling, so
But have you, like, every once in a while
tried to edge him back in,
being like, "How about this?
This is, like, uh"
-[David] Yeah.
-[Nick] Yeah.
I mean, everyone at Momofuku
knows that I would like to do another
-Ssäm Bar, burrito bar, but
-[both] Yeah.
We'll see. One day.
Then, another night
we're sitting with David at Ssäm Bar
and he goes, "You know
when you would eat cereal as a kid?"
-Yeah.
-"And then you'd drink the milk?"
-I go, "Sure."
-Yeah.
He goes, "That's my new idea."
-No. It wasn't my idea. Tosi's.
-Not your idea.
That's the new thing.
That was the new thing.
-I Yeah.
-That's my new business, cereal milk.
Well, then I remember
I literally went to a restaurant
the other night and had a soft serve.
They had it there.
And I was telling Lily, I was like, this
I remember being at Ssäm Bar
and Milk Bar opening
and being like,
"We're gonna do soft serve."
And I was like,
"This is so beautiful and great."
[John] Milk Bar was so up my alley.
-It was insane.
-[Nick] Cereal saucer.
But now I feel like you see soft serve
like it's a thing at restaurants.
I know. It's hard to move
faster than ideas, right? Like
Yeah.
Do you guys feel that way
about jokes? Right?
No one copies jokes, really. Today.
I mean, people talk about it all the time.
Yeah, people do [clears throat] Yeah.
People are obsessed with the idea.
People are obsessed with the idea
that there are joke thieves
and jokes have been taken, yeah.
And sometimes they are.
Sometimes it's osmosis.
And then sometimes it's groupthink.
You know what I mean?
I don't know if that's the way you feel
with food stuff.
I know everybody
in the, like, high culinary world
is dying to use a microwave like you are.
[all laughing]
3:24. What a specific amount of time.
What mania.
Oh, my gosh.
That was the time you saw
something traumatic as a child, like
March 24th.
March 24th is always
[mutters indistinctly]
-That's the time
-"I'll March 24th these."
[Chris] What just went in there
for three minutes and 24 seconds?
[David] I made a cheese sauce.
This is the second cheese sauce
that I made.
And I made that earlier today
because I knew this was gonna happen.
There'd be a lot more talking
than being able to cook.
-[John] Sure.
-So, I
I made a fancy one with raclette cheese
and it was terrible.
-Really?
-Yeah.
-I don't know if I'm a big raclette guy.
-[David] It's so good.
-It's a lot.
-It's so good. It's like the
The carving of the cheese onto your plate.
I love it.
[Nick] I look at it and get diarrhea.
[audience laughs]
-Thanks, Nick.
-[Nick] Yeah.
[Chris] We have unlimited diarrheas
before we go TV-MA.
But, uh
And then I made it with, like,
American cheese and cheddar,
I added this salt called sodium citrate,
which Tiny percentage.
And that, long story cut short,
it just keeps it emulsified,
so it doesn't break the proteins
[Nick] Uh-huh.
So, it is much more of
a nacho cheese sauce.
Can you get, like, sodium citrate
at the supermarket?
Like, where do you
Can you get it at regular places or no?
No, I don't think you can.
But, you know, like, you can buy things
that are called xanthan gum hydrocolloids
that would never be available
20 years ago,
and you get that at a supermarket now.
It's just crazy.
And those help bond things like that
so they don't break down, you're saying?
Yeah, it has more to do
with the water itself,
and it's a thickening agent.
But, um
[Nick] How are those
hot potato chips looking?
Can I ask a question
before I just ask you another question?
[David and John laughing]
[Nick] Have you had, like,
potato chips in a bag? You know, like
You know, like Cape Cod potato chips
or whatever?
-I love Cape Cod potato chips.
-Yeah. What's your favorite potato chip?
[John] Oh, you have crazy
You know, my favorite potato chip is Utz.
-[Nick] Yeah.
-Old Bay.
-Yep.
-[Nick] D.C.
We went to school in D.C.
where you grew up,
and I feel like
Utz was a real decent chip.
But you guys both got into Georgetown.
I did not get into Georgetown.
Yeah, but only because of our families.
[all laughing]
-At least me, entirely.
-Oh, no.
You're nice to try to leave me out.
No, 100%.
But there, I did Grandma Utz.
The Grandma Utz
was my favorite of the Utz chips
'cause it was like what we would
now consider that kind of Kettle
-That Kettle chip, which I think
-It's all the same.
How much salt would you say
just went on both sides of that burger?
-Both sides.
-That's the difference, really,
between home cooking
and professional cooking, in my opinion.
It's the amount of fat,
butter, oils and salt.
[John] Uh-huh. You gotta ratchet it up
in the professional.
Uh
It's almost taking it to,
like, the edge, right?
The precipice of too much.
And that's what you chefs do, right?
You guys ride the edge.
You walk to the line
and then you deliberately step over.
[Nick] You're rebels. You're rock stars.
-[David] Oh, Lord.
-[Nick] You're
-[John] You're pirates.
-[Nick] You're philosophers.
-You're modern-day pirates.
-[Nick] You're modern [laughs]
[Chris] Dave, the Internet is asking
if grilling these burgers
instead of pan-frying them
would make them tastier?
Listen, I think
-[Chris] It's a leading question.
-Yeah, it is.
[John] Grilling on, like, a barbecue?
The reason
I don't like grilling is because it's
I do like a grilled burger,
but I think that
a fire risk is more of an issue than
[Nick] Well, that's how I feel.
I've been trying to
Cooking steaks and burgers on the grill.
I end up
If it's good and fatty, like,
it seeps down and it lights a fire,
and all of a sudden, you've burned 3:24.
-It's so hot.
-[Nick] Wow.
-See
-[John] Whoa.
We're the most impressed
by American cheese out of the microwave.
[all laughing]
[Chris] You didn't care about
his crudité plate at all.
[both] Whoa.
[all laughing]
Not to be a broken record,
but that's hot cheese.
-[David] All right.
-[Nick] Oh, man.
Burger King is a flame-broiled burger.
What
-Question mark. I'm gonna
-[Nick] Wait, hold on.
-It is.
-You don't love Burger King burgers?
What do you get at a Burger King
If you're going to Burger King?
A Whopper's pretty good, sometimes.
But it's
It's not my favorite fast food chain.
What about you?
-You like Burger King?
-[John] This is my
Uh
-I don't stumble upon a Burger King a lot.
-Yeah.
What if Burger King
was going to sponsor you?
-[Nick] Yeah.
-[David laughs]
What if they had a nonalcoholic beer?
Ooh.
What if your sponsor was the Burger King?
[all laughing]
Checking in. "I'm just checking in, man."
"Hey, man, how you been?"
"I haven't seen you at BK in a while."
"Yeah, I'm all right, though, man."
-"I'm doing all right."
-"I'm hanging in there."
"All right, well, I'm here, man. I've got
the paper crown. I'm available 24/7, man."
-This chip is worth
-[David] I totally forgot.
one small fries at an airport.
-I totally forgot about the bread
-[Nick] Oh! The bread!
-Those look perfect, though.
-[John] That looks perfect.
[Nick] Onion rings,
by the way, at Burger King.
-If you got to go
-[David] Chicken fingers.
-[Nick] Chicken fingers.
-They have chicken fries.
[Nick] I had one of my first commercials
probably exactly in that period of time
when we were at Rififi
and you were, like, in the East Village.
One of the first commercials I booked
was a Spike TV promo
for the Spike TV Guys' Choice Awards,
and it was a sponsored ad
for Burger King chicken sticks.
And so I had to eat a mouthful
of chicken sticks
over and over all day long,
and I got full-on sodium poisoning.
Like, I fully
Didn't you get mercury poisoning, too,
one time?
-I mean, I'm Jeremy Piven
-That was Jeremy Piven.
and that's what I got
when I was Jeremy Piven.
But I got full-on And I
Anyway, that was from
eating chicken sticks all day long.
I'm gonna put that back in
because I just used raw meat.
That was raw meat. I think it was. Yeah.
John and Nick, the Internet is wondering
if you guys have home cooking specialties
that you think you do better than anyone.
Uh, I do tinned fish. I
I fill a rice cooker with rice every day.
And then I have
a big collection of tinned fish
and I just rip 'em.
Octopus, sardines, anchovies,
tuna belly, all in tins.
Normally, with olive oil, lemon,
maybe a little salt.
And I dump all of that over the rice,
and then I eat that up.
-[David] Did you know this about him?
-[Nick] I didn't. Is this new?
-[John] The tinned fish?
-[Nick] Yeah.
It's great 'cause you can
take it anywhere and you can fill
When you travel,
you can fill a suitcase with tinned fish.
And then you can stand over
the hotel bathroom sink
and eat sardines alone in the bathroom.
And it's a good natural source of protein.
It is, and it's got good fats. Those good
[John] Yeah, it's great for you.
-And your breath is
-Sardines don't smell.
-You're picturing a cartoon cat
-I am.
eating a sardine.
-Will you take a full sardine and
-They're not as bad as you think.
-[trills]
-And then I [trills] out the bone.
-Uh-huh.
-Just heaps of fish.
I cook a lot, but I don't think
I cook anything better than anyone.
Nick has learned to cook.
-Nick is a refined
-[David] Nick is a good cook.
-Nick's a really good cook.
-[David] You made shakshuka for me.
Yes. Cooking brunch for Dave,
it's a stressful endeavor to cook for him.
Even though I think, for him, you don't
-You don't care, you'll eat anything.
-Oh, yeah. This is true.
He's like a very easy
You're like only in retrospect
I was like, he doesn't
He's indifferent to this.
But, yeah, I'll cook Yeah, I'll
Shakshuka is not bad.
-Oh! Does that hurt? Yeah?
-[David] It did hurt.
[John] What word
did you just have to restrain?
[Nick laughing]
Bird.
[Chris] John, did you develop a taste
for tinned fish from Oh, Hello?
No, my, um Our canned fish exploration
in Oh, Hello ended early in our career.
We would make these drinks
called the Martuna or the Tunatini
-[Nick] Mm-hmm.
-Um
Which led to the famous saying, uh,
"There's too much tuna in my Tunatini.
But your Martuna needs more tuna,"
which swept New York.
And so then, we tried the "Clamhattan."
Which was clams and water
in a Manhattan glass.
A "Scamptini," a "Shrimp scampi"
It was just raw shrimp in a
-It was.
-It was cooked shrimp.
-And then we
-We did a dog food one.
-Yeah, that was
-We ate dog food.
-We ate [laughs] That was where it ended.
-[David] What?
[John] We did like a "Snausagetini,"
which was dog food
-in a martini.
-Yeah.
And we both looked at each other
on stage and said, "This segment's over.
We're not doing this again."
And my good friend, Simon,
eats a lot of sardines.
What about mackerel?
You do tinned mackerel?
-Yeah, tinned mackerel. Tinned baby eel.
-It's so much better.
It's so much better than sardines.
-Really?
-It's good, too.
I'm coming out the closet here. I'm a big
-I like mackerels and tomato.
-Those are good, too.
I'm a big tinned mackerel guy.
-[John] Really?
-Yeah.
-[John] Will you just eat them and, like
-Literally similar, over the sink.
And I'll just, you know
It's a quick little snack.
You've got to be careful about what
you're wearing when you eat tinned fish.
And I'd like everyone to listen to this.
You've got to really be aware
of the amount of oil
Hey guys, listen up here. Okay?
[John] Look at the TV
when I'm talking, please.
When you rip that tin lid
-Yeah.
-Oil is gonna go everywhere.
So don't have on, you know
And do you not want, like, a salty oil,
a fishy oil on your shirt
and your clothing all day?
That's what
I mean, what normally happens
is I rip it, I eat it,
and I'm covered in fish oil
and the day begins.
There's not a lot of time to change.
[Nick] So this is
first thing in the morning?
Yeah, I'll have tinned fish
first thing in the morning.
Are you eating this for health?
I just love it.
I love how, uh, independent it makes me.
No phone, no delivery apps,
no cooking, no stove.
So you're traveling
with multiple tins of fish.
[John] Yeah, if you were to
When you pick up my suitcase,
you hear all this clanging.
[Nick] Right. [laughs]
So you're like a modern-day hobo of sorts.
-Like, you kind of travel
-Exactly.
-And do you travel with a
-A bindle?
Yeah. Remember when
I'm making the hobo joke.
Remember, there was a period in comedy
where like hobos was
Everything was hobo.
Everything was that, yeah.
-It was like a real thing in comedy.
-What are you talking about? Hobos?
It's like, you know, you guys would foam.
You know how everybody got real into foam?
That's how we were with hobo.
Welcome to Schwa
We're never open. We have Dr Pepper foam.
Come on, man.
Schwa, great restaurant.
Michael Carlson, one of the best chefs
America's ever produced.
You know what I like about those guys
is they were often arrested for fireworks.
-This is the Chicago guys?
-[David] For fireworks?
I mean, it happened twice in one day
as I recall.
When we're not live,
I'll tell you a great story involving
-Tell it live! Tell it live!
-Tell it live! Tell it live!
-Cannot.
-[Chris] Dave, a lot going on.
Yeah. I just used the microwave,
Chef Mike, to help me out, to reheat
the spinach artichoke dip.
-Whoa.
-You dog.
I think it's as American as anything.
And you can dip the chips
that I'm going to take out in a second.
-[Nick] Okay, great.
-And I gave you the au poivre sauce.
-Okay?
-Chips went back in, bread was abandoned.
Give us an update
on what's happening over here.
The bread is terrible.
-Is it?
-Oh, it's so bad.
-No, no, no.
-[John] Can we be the judge?
[David] You can try. Sure.
It's terrible.
It's so bad.
Guys, and for the people at home,
when Dave served us that bread and butter,
it was this loaf
and just one of these absolutely
Big, salty cube of that.
-It's good.
-[David] No, it's not.
[audience laughing]
I don't know.
Is it good? What do you think?
I don't know what you
What were you going for,
I guess, is the question.
Not that.
-It's okay.
-It's not good, though.
-Oh, dog.
-It's not good. You're right.
-[Nick] This is like
-[Chris] What was your backup there, Dave?
[David] Kings of Wine.
-[John] Oh, my gosh.
-[Nick] Okay, so, yeah, this is great.
-[John] This is great.
-I mean, Kings of Wine are delicious.
This is almost like I feel like this is
almost a play on a White Castle burger.
Exactly. Well, you guys never had
the Moon Palace burger?
-[Nick] No.
-And this is our play on a little slider.
Except that when the Momo team makes it,
it looks way better
-[laughs] than what I just made.
-[John] When they're in a kitchen,
-not on live television
-Not being a fake chef.
-[Nick] Yeah, with a couple
-[John] Does that happen often?
That you come up with a recipe
that someone else can do better?
That's often the case. Yeah. Not always.
But, you know, I don't cook
in the professional kitchen anymore
on a day-to-day basis.
So why would I be better at it than
-Sure
-You know, with someone that's younger.
-[John] Yeah.
-[Nick] Sure.
I guess that's like us in cooking.
[John] Yeah, I'm not day-to-day
in any of my restaurants.
[Nick laughs]
I gotta say, I got these potato chips
a little darker than I'd like.
-[Nick] They look good.
-[David] But I think they're good.
-And here's
-[Nick] Can I just say
[John] No. Can we reset
that he just said this will now
top the French fry
-Yeah
-in the United States of America.
I told you about the spray bottle,
the second one.
Okay. Ooh!
And that's the same spray bottle
with the MSG?
[David] No, no, no. This is vinegar.
-With MSG.
-[Nick] Now, you
We were talking about MSG,
or you've talked a lot about it,
that it's like not scary or bad.
-[David] It's not scary or bad.
-Now, I understand this, as a
We should try them at the same moment.
-Okay. Ready?
-Yeah.
And what's the best camera
for us to crunch right into?
-Here we go.
-What do you want to do?
This one. Should we go to this one?
-[Chris] One more sauce, Dave. One more.
-Over there!
One more sauce. Besides Oh, doggy.
What is that? Hot cheese or
There's that hot cheese.
Should we do it while he's doing that
or should we wait
-Let's wait for this hot
-Try it while it's hot.
-Okay.
-Okay.
[Nick] Mm.
-It's extremely good, Dave.
-Mm-hmm.
-But
-But not better than a fry.
No, it's extremely good.
[all laughing]
[Nick] It's delicious,
and with, like, a spinach artichoke dip.
With the dips like this, I get it.
It's a different thing, right?
[David] Correct.
This is what I
This may be
my bigger selling point, is the dips.
Yes. And so this Okay.
And are we supposed to do the burgers
Is it all
[David] Hold on.
I'm going to do something dangerous here.
-Okay
-Might as well cut it in half.
-So you can
-[Nick] Yeah.
-[John] Thank you.
-easily dip it.
Mm. Mm. Mm.
-This is I'm sorry?
-Au poivre sauce.
-That's not really au poivre sauce.
-That's the au poivre sauce.
[David] And I'm sure my French instructor
from cooking school
-is throwing the remote at the TV.
-Really? Yeah.
But he threw the remote at you years ago.
[David] Years ago. You're right.
That's also very true.
How did you do in those
In those, like, French culinary spaces?
True story
There were six levels in cooking school.
[John] Mm-hmm.
The second level
So you have the same partner
every level over the duration.
[John] Mm!
The second level So
What, after six, eight weeks, my partner
expressed to the instructors,
the French guys,
that she would rather quit school
than be my partner in level two.
[audience laughs softly]
-Yeah.
-Congrats.
-So did you guys
-Oh, she quit.
Wow. Wow.
-Yeah.
-Well
This dip
This burger dip situation is
This au poivre dip is
What are your thoughts on the dipping?
I have no
I mean, it has to be a burger
of a smaller size like this.
Like this potato bun size
or whatever, this Hawaiian
Like, this is a good size to dip.
In a big burger, it's gonna be harder.
But flavor-wise, it's unreal.
-But can you imagine that
-So good.
In-N-Out, McDonald's, Arby's, whatever,
now sells, like, a little container
or some kind of sauce that you can dip in?
Why wouldn't you do that?
-I would want to do that.
-[Nick] Yeah.
I mean, it's
They You'd think of it with, like,
a French dip, obviously, but not, like, a
There are burgers that are French dipped.
There are French-dipped burgers? Yeah.
That are dipped in au jus sauce?
In all honesty, I think the best burger,
my favorite burger of all time,
was the burger we served at Ko.
But it was Sean Grey's baby,
he was the chef there.
One of the best chefs
I think America has ever produced.
And he did it on a hot dog bun,
sometimes with a little slice
of foie gras.
I thought that was, like, the best burger.
[Nick] Mm!
You see, I don't know. I'm a little
The foie gras on the burger,
I'm like, it just feels like an assault.
Like, it feels too much for my
Like, it just feels overwhelming.
Like [mutters]
Burgers, I don't know. And I'm not
You know, I guess I'm taking
a dump on your buddy.
[David laughs]
It was a good
You know, great chef, bad idea, but
What was the worst idea you had for a dish
at one of the Momofukus?
Probably a burrito bar.
[John] All the
Actually, the actual burrito bar
was probably one of the worst ideas.
Let's open up something
that needs lunchtime traffic
on 13th Street and Second Avenue
[John laughing]
-where there's no offices whatsoever.
-[Nick] Yeah.
And let's, in 2006
assume that people have a knowledge
about Asian food
-that they still don't have in 2024.
-[both] Mm-hmm.
I was just smoking too much pot back then.
There was just no way it was gonna work.
Just sort of being like, "Man, you know
what would be really tasty?"
You're telling me you don't like
hamburgers on hot dog buns?
I don't know if I've had one,
but I would I'm down.
I mean, this is sort of
-Not quite a hot dog bun.
-No.
It has more of that texture, right?
Which sauce do you guys like?
Oh, my God.
This au poivre sauce
The au poivre sauce is great.
[Nick] is so good.
Hey, it sucks that you can't eat
any of the food. It's so good.
I'm so far away.
So close, yet so far away.
[John] Yeah, I know.
-Brutal.
-[Nick] Yeah.
[Chris] Well, in exchange for that
I've tried to fight this off,
but now I can't fight it off any longer.
The Internet is desperate to know
what Gil and George would make
of this meal.
[David] Are they gonna get in character?
[all laugh]
You know, we did a Netflix special
called Oh, Hello on Broadway.
And
We got paid a lot more money to do that
than we got paid to be here today.
[all laughing]
So if you guys want to go
And we even had complaints about that.
Yeah. We decided
We took issue.
We had
For the algorithm, we hit the sweet spot.
-It's an hour and 42 minutes.
-[all laughing]
That's exactly what you want
a comedy special to be.
Yeah.
Those guys,
those are plain-sliced guys, honestly.
They're not men of the world,
George and Gil.
-They're not.
-They're plain cheese slice
I agree, but I think that this burger,
the way that
They're a diet Mug root beer.
Yeah.
This, I do feel like when I'm
I remember watching Saturday Night Fever
and seeing Travolta, like, eat
-They, like, eat White Castle burgers.
-[David] So good.
And that's what I picture George and Gil
eating, burgers in the '70s.
-Sure.
-Little square burgers
at, like, awful restaurants.
-Like, an awful
-Yeah.
Like, under the Queensboro Bridge,
you know?
I was just watching
a John Cassavetes movie
where Ben Gazzara
goes into, like, a saloon
and just orders a sack of burgers,
and then they give it to him.
-Like a cartoon character?
-Yeah.
He goes, "Give me a sack of burgers."
He's in a bad mood, too.
He's not even nice about it.
-What's that there?
-Other sauce.
Sweet and spicy?
That's my nickname for Dave off-camera.
-[David] Don't tell anybody.
-Okay.
I can tell you right now that one of
the issues with live, or not live, is,
I've never formed a burger
in this a rectangle ever,
and as you can see,
it didn't work out that well.
[Nick] Are you not happy
with how it worked out?
We're thrilled, you know?
The burger was fantastic.
-[David] But it crumbled.
-And it needing to be held together
I don't know,
I think some of the fragility of it
and the vulnerability
that the burger showed,
you know, we're finding more and more
Brené Brown will tell you
that vulnerability is a big deal.
-It's an asset.
-[Nick] Yeah.
-We have to share.
-[John] This burger came to us.
This burger came to us
falling apart at the goddamn seams.
And I'm told that the Burger King
is gonna take this burger on as a sponsor.
This burger
The Burger King will sponsor this burger.
Would you go
Will you now try to put this
on the menu at the restaurant?
Well, I do want to bring back moon baos.
I love the burgers very much,
and having the dips.
So I would say
Like, the restaurants I want to do
are sort of like that now,
that are not trying to be cool,
just doing something
that is delicious and simple.
So, yeah, I think we will do this,
but I also
[John] Would you do drive-thru?
I would love to do drive-thru.
'Cause then you could just patent
a cardboard tray with dips.
-That's a good idea.
-For burger dips that you take with you.
I mean, White Castle, they have the
What do they call it? The gravedigger.
-[John] What's that?
-Something like that.
It's like a case of, like, 24.
-[John] Really?
-Yeah.
[Nick] But it's nothing like
a sack of burgers.
-That Ben Gazzara got.
-Right.
All right, we have a few more minutes.
What's in this?
What's in the au poivre, exactly?
-Can you tell me?
-[David] I put garlic.
Shallots, or onions there,
'cause I lost my shallot.
Chives. What else did I put in there?
Sour cream, cream, heavy cream,
a little beef bouillon.
-[Nick] Mm-hmm.
-[John] Oh.
A little bit of that Athletic,
nonalcoholic beer.
What else did I put in there?
Butter. Did I say butter already?
When do you put in, like,
the beer and the wine into, like
Whenever I'm making stuff,
I never know when
I'm supposed to put, like, the
That in.
-The alcohol?
-Yeah.
Well, you want to put it in
-to deglaze the pan.
-[Nick] Mm-hmm.
Again, if I had a steak in there,
I was cooking it,
I would take that out,
I would probably deglaze it
with some stock or vinegar or whatever,
and then I would add the alcohol
to cook it out,
flame it, and that's how I do it.
[Chris] John and Nick, do you guys
remember back in the day
at the old Noodle Bar and Ssäm Bar,
what Dave would serve you for dessert?
I mean, we talked about the soft serve.
[David] I don't think
you guys remember this.
Before Milk Bar, I mean
I sort of remember, but I don't.
There would be days
where you guys would come around.
-[Nick and John laughing]
-I mean, you guys would
It was Thursday nights at Rififi, right?
-Yeah, that was our show.
-Yeah.
And you guys would come around.
And I didn't know you that well back then.
I clearly knew him better.
Then you would come
and you'd sit at the counter.
And there was a couple other people
you were with sometimes.
-Mm-hmm.
-And again, we were We had no customers.
We're literally dead.
So I thought the best thing I could do,
for whatever reason,
was to go to the bodega
and buy ice cream sandwiches
and offer that as, like
-[John] I do remember that.
-Right?
-[John] Yes.
-Yeah.
[both] Oh.
Dave Chang.
Not only a delightful, nostalgic
walk down memory lane,
but so cheap and easy for you to do.
[all laughing]
Yes!
My son calls these ice cream books.
-[David] Really?
-Yeah.
-[David] That's good.
-[John] You wanna look at ice cream books?
-[Nick] They do look like books.
-[John] Yeah.
What a delight.
[Chris] Wait, Dave.
Over-under, guys,
on how many bites it takes Dave
to eat this ice cream sandwich.
Listen, it's live TV.
I'm not going to eat like I'm-
[Chris] I wanna see
what they set the over-under at.
It's a leading question,
which makes me think, like
It would be very funny if it turns out
he took really delicate bites.
[Chris] A hundred bites.
I think he's a three bite I think
he could do that in three, normally.
Yeah. But on TV,
I don't think he'll do it in three.
-Cheers.
-Cheers, my friend.
-His memory is, like, out of control.
-Yeah.
It's crazy how good his memory is.
-He's like Bobby Fischer or something.
-[Nick] Yeah.
Bobby Fischer was a very flawed,
anti-Semitic chess player.
[all laughing]
[John] I'm nothing like Bobby Fischer.
See, that's what I mean.
The memory is so good.
That's what I mean. Memory is good.
And the anti-Semitism.
See, I want to, but I'm not gonna
Well, I thought,
should I make a pie for you guys?
I actually made a Twix pie for you guys.
I know. I'm sorry.
-Actually, we have some left over.
-What do you mean?
What happened?
You guys, like, eat it in preproduction?
I thought it'd be better
if I gave you the ice cream sandwich.
I mean, I'm thrilled
with the ice cream sandwich, but
But I don't understand,
"I made you a Twix pie. I'm sorry."
[all laughing]
Yeah.
[John] Oh, my gosh.
[Nick] Oh, dog.
[David chuckles softly]
[John] That is beautiful.
[Chris] We've reached the part of the show
where he starts serving you leftovers.
-This is literally leftovers.
-[Nick] I mean, happily.
What a dream.
So I had this idea and
I don't know why I didn't go with this.
Clearly, the sentiment
of the ice cream sandwich
You know, I'm thrilled
to have the ice cream sandwich.
-Thank you.
-Oh, wow.
Thank you.
And, you, um
Your whole aesthetic is, like,
no utensils, right?
Is that sort of the idea?
Oh, my God!
There's utensils in the drawer.
I forgot to tell you guys.
There's a drawer?
[audience laughing]
He's not lying, Nick.
[David] Thanks, Chris.
[mutters excitedly]
What's he gonna do with that pink spoon?
-Look at that.
-[Nick] Man, that
-Do you love pho?
-That is delicious.
I love pho. I know you love pho.
I love pho.
-Love pho.
-What's your favorite pho?
Oh, I get it with tripe.
I get it with everything.
Tons of sriracha, tons of hoisin.
Can I be honest?
When you told me you like pho,
I can't remember when,
I thought you were lying.
[Nick] What,
you thought he was doing a bit?
No, I just thought he was, like
I was definitely, like, profiling you
as somebody that would
never really like pho.
And I was wrong. Very wrong.
[John] I do pho. I lean over the bowl,
I exfoliate my skin with that heat.
I slurp those noodles up.
I don't talk to anyone.
[David] Pho is the best, man.
Pho is great.
[Chris] One minute, Dave.
What are you gonna do?
Last minute on Earth.
[John] Dave, are you okay?
You're, um
You did a ton of work today.
How did this feel?
You have a net good feeling from all this?
Did you guys have a good time?
-I had a great time.
-I had a great time.
I got to have a meal
-with a dear, dear old friend, Dave.
-Uh-huh.
And John, who I have known
for quite some time.
[all laugh]
-We
-Is he on your top ten?
Oh, Johnny? Come on.
[all laughing]
-Come on, ride or die.
-Ride or die.
Cheers, guys. Thank you.
Tortured professional relationships.
[Nick laughs]
-[John] That famous music.
-[Nick] Yeah.
This was so good.
-[closing theme music playing]
-[audience clapping]