Dirt (2006) s01e03 Episode Script

My name's Don Konkey.
I take pictures.
I'm a functional schizophrenic.
Good work, Don.
I work for my best friend, Lucy Spiller.
Tyreese is leaving training right now.
She had me take some pictures of the basketball star, Prince Tyreese.
He found out and got mad.
- Who you working for? - Nobody! Just me! This is Holt McLaren.
He's a good actor.
You're creepy, man.
He doesn't like me.
Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey! I'd love to do a feature on you.
But he gave Lucy dirt on how Kira Klay was gonna have a baby.
She OD'd Then she died.
Morning, sweetheart.
Now she lives with me.
You saved my life, nursed me back to health.
Holt's girlfriend, Julia Mallory, got hurt real bad when Holt got mad and crashed his car.
She got injured.
Holt got a David Fincher movie.
That's awesome.
You're gonna make them for less money.
Knock off 20%.
Lucy's magazines were in trouble, so she convinced Gibson Horne to merge them into one.
The credibility of Now with all the lurid fun of Dirt.
And God help you if you're wrong.
It's called "ovophagy," sharks battling in the womb, devouring their brothers and sisters until only the fittest survive.
Which is why we're all here today.
Lucky us.
Now magazine is venerable, respected, and hemorrhaging cash.
Dirt has solid sales, but its readers will always be low-rent.
So the ad revenue isn't there.
These two magazines cannot survive.
So I thought about the sharks, turning a liability into a source of nutrition.
As of today, Dirt and Now are merging into one new single publication.
A tabloid with class.
All the fun of Dirt with the prestige of Now.
Now has been a pillar of the American journalistic landscape for over 70 years.
We survived McCarthyism.
We can certainly survive a dip in sales.
First of all, Reginald, I know how you hate a mixed metaphor.
So I'm going to have to call you on the whole "pillar of the landscape" thing.
Pillars don't hold up landscapes.
Secondly, thank you for your look backwards.
That will be the last look in that direction - that anyone in these offices takes.
- With due respect, I'm not going to be part of the dismantling of an American journalistic icon.
Of course you're not.
Because, with due respect, you're fired.
Now get out.
And anyone who wants to keep doing the same old tired crap, feel free to leave.
Those of you who want to do something new, do real reporting, break stories, stay.
I believe in the truth above all else.
And this is truth.
We have to be sharks.
If we succeed, there's room for about half of you to stay.
If we fail, we're all finished, including me.
We have one week to prove our right to survive.
Or get eaten alive.
First off, we need some hot-ass cover tries.
Who wants Cozmo The Pitch Ball? Back here! Profile on Aundre G.
Yeah, let's launch a new magazine with a black R&B star.
That'll really move at K-Mart.
The guy vanishes without a trace.
Four months later, his CD's are topping the charts.
- He's a phenomenon.
- So he's in rehab, big deal.
Maybe he pulled a Chapelle.
Anybody check South Africa? Maybe he figured out "mysterious disappearance" sells a lot of records.
Either way, it's a great mystery.
Everyone's gonna cover the mystery angle.
This new magazine has to break stories.
Solve it, that's a cover.
- Next.
- Right here.
What about a cover on Hollywood meds, who's taking what? It's a great chip, not a cover.
Work it out.
Next! - Here.
- Um, I I have something.
Oh! Sorry.
McPherson, wow me.
I'm not really sure it's anything, really, but you know Connie Chris, the former Mouseketeer turned Christian rocker? She has a new album, so I went to pull some event shots and there's nothing new for the last three days.
And she's suddenly got no PR ties.
She's launching a new album, and she hasn't been seen since Friday.
- She's been called to The Rapture! - And we're still here? Maybe she's shacking up with Aundre G in South Africa.
- At least working with his publicist.
- Did you check with her publicist? Her assistant says Connie's got a flu, they're rescheduling things, no big deal.
Let's see what we can find.
We are not running rumors or chasing other magazines.
We live or die by breaking stories.
We have one week for this cover.
Let's get to work.
You sure you're ready? Listen, if it's too soon I've missed two episodes.
If I don't go back, they'll recast me.
Come on, you're Julia Mallory.
They can't recast you.
Listen, if you need more time Goddamn back feels like there's a knife in it.
You want water? All right.
Oh, Jesus, my agent.
I can't deal with Quinn saying how beautiful I look.
- I'll keep them away.
- Please? Hey, listen, you're going to do great, OK? - This is your show.
They love you.
- "They" who? Asshole writers didn't even write in a reason my character was away.
America loves you.
Come on.
It's gonna be fine.
All right? There she is.
I told you she'd be ready.
Hey.
Oh, my God! You look beautiful.
Hey.
Hey, listen, I talked to Jeff.
It's your show.
- They should go at your pace.
- I'm fine.
I know.
They should just go at your pace.
She should have some quiet time before taping.
All right, well, we're here all day.
Whatever you need.
Thank you.
Oh, hey, Holt, you know, Teddy Jick is shooting My War on the lot.
Oh, with Jack Dawson, right? Yeah.
We're having lunch with Teddy on the set.
He's got this new action franchise, three big summer movies in a row.
He's talking to Dawson, but you should meet him.
Why don't you come to lunch with us? - I'm going to hang with Julia.
- Unless she needs her quiet.
You'd like Teddy, I'm telling you, he's a hoot.
And he's always got something hot.
A smart action picture would be a great move for you.
- You should go.
- Are you sure? Yeah, it could be good for you.
And he's right, I could use some quiet time.
- Just be back for my taping, OK? - I promise.
You go to Gibson Horne to merge the magazines? The ad pages weren't there.
You think the advertisers are going to line up to buy into your glossy tabloid? Gibson is behind this new magazine.
If you can't deliver advertisers, I will pick up the phone and let him know.
I'll get the ads.
I'll even up the draw.
Heard you showed a video of sharks eating their siblings in the womb.
Rumor going around you had a twin suffered the same fate.
Yeah, I like my space.
Yeah.
Hi, this is Don.
Leave a message.
Don, hey, it's me, pick up.
I need to talk to you.
I know you're there, Don.
Pick up.
I should I should get that.
Call her back? Please.
OK, call me as soon as you get this message.
Bye.
See? She's gonna be just fine, mister.
Stay with me.
Stay with me.
Stay with me.
So Marlon looks Ali McGraw in the face, and says, "It was a pleasure meeting you.
" Then he looks down at her breasts, tips his hat and says, "Ladies.
" Evans is standing there, his mouth wide open.
I almost shit myself.
Well, listen, I should probably get back to her taping.
Those things always start late.
I hear great things on the Fincher picture.
You need a big next move.
Something to really Hold on a second.
Dawson! - Hey.
- My man.
- You don't holler back? What's up? - How are ya? Have you met the new you? Holt McLaren, Jack Dawson.
Hey, congratulations on the movie, man.
Good job.
Thank you.
We'll see how it goes.
"See how it goes.
" Bullshit.
The kid's on fire.
You better watch yourself, Jack.
With the press he's getting, you get too pushy on this deal, I might give the part to him.
Yeah, OK, I gotta eat this and then I gotta get into touch-ups.
- Good to meet you.
- You too, man.
Good luck.
Everybody, quiet please! And action! So, do I look sophisticated? Cut! "You look like Thurston Popeye lll.
" I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry, guys.
Sorry.
Um, is Holt here yet? No, Holt is not here.
Can we do this, please? Yeah.
Yeah.
Sorry.
OK, we're going again.
And action! So, do I look sophisticated? You look like Thurgood Uh Sorry! I'm so sorry! - "You look like Thurston Popeye lll.
" - "Thurston Popeye lll.
" Comedy gold.
I got it! I got it.
Reset, going again please, right away.
Action! So, do I look sophisticated? "You look like Thurston Popeye lll," dipshit! Cut.
She's gay, she's straight, she's gay, she's straight.
The rumor fluctuates more than her weight.
Unless you've got a shot of her coming up for air, I'm not interested.
My wall is naked! I don't like it! Rema Saunders is waiting for you in the office.
She's representing Connie Chris.
Hold my calls.
- Hi.
- Hi, Lucy, congratulations.
- New magazine, very exciting.
- Yes.
Thank you.
Congratulations to you on repping Connie Chris.
Thank you.
You're here to give an exclusive for our first cover? I'm here with a press release, and it says that between nonstop work on her album and national church functions, Connie Chris got exhausted.
And she'll be recovered and back to work soon.
I wanted to give it to you personally.
It seems your people - are particularly interested.
- Really? Yeah, staking out her house, her mother's house, - her grandmother's house - Her grandmother's? Hmm, someone's showing initiative.
Good.
I love press releases, they're so much fun to translate.
Let's see here, "medical attention," I'm guessing is "nose job" or "abortion," but which? "Exhaustion," oh, that's tough.
Maybe "rehab" or "psychotic break"? Connie Chris is a role model for young people.
I will not have her reputation dragged down by By what, Rema? You're a publicist.
You don't exist without us.
Give me my first cover.
I'll pay you back.
Come on.
We're friends.
You don't know what friendship is.
I know you're lying about Connie Chris.
I can smell it.
Give me the truth, and I'll at least give you the chance to put your spin on it.
You want the truth? I know how important this first issue is for you.
I know you've staked your entire career on it.
And when it all goes to shit for you, I am going to throw one huge party.
How's that for the truth? He grew up in Bel Air.
Don't look under Aundre G.
It's Andrew Gerber.
Call them back.
How are your medical contacts? - Solid.
- Great.
This is Connie Chris's press release.
It says "medical attention.
" Obviously, she's in a hospital.
Find out which one.
I'm on it.
Julia? Hey.
- I'm so sorry I missed your taping.
- Lucky you.
I sucked.
Come on, I'm sure you were great.
How would you know? You weren't there.
You know, maybe maybe you need a little more time off.
- That's funny, that's what they said.
- They're concerned about you, babe.
They're concerned about getting 22 a year so they make it to syndication.
That's what they're concerned about.
Shit! Hey, hey! Babe, hey! It's going to take time.
Next week will be better.
I don't want to talk about it.
- I'll run lines with you - I said I don't want to talk about it.
This is Connie Chris, Christian pop star.
She dropped off radar last week.
Reliable sources say she's at St.
Alma's private hospital in Northridge.
They happen to have a big drug-treatment program there.
I need cover-quality pictures, plus her chart.
OK.
If this first issue doesn't hit, it's over for both of us.
Sorry, your brother called about dinner again.
OK, I'm on my way.
Lenny, this is Don.
- Don, this is my new assistant, Lenny.
- Kenny.
Whatever.
Tell everyone I'll be back in two hours.
- I want to see cover tries.
- They'll all suck.
Don't let me down.
- I won't.
- I know you won't.
I'm making coq au vin.
We're celebrating.
I'm not celebrating until the first issue hits one-point-one at the stands.
Always about you, huh? Maybe I have something to celebrate.
What, did you finally bang that Latvian busboy at The Rig? Done and done.
No, this is major.
What? What, a new commission? Don't hold out on your big sister.
I didn't want to say because he was living in Ohio and wasn't sure he was moving back, but he is and we shook hands today, so I am officially Jack Dawson's new interior decorator.
Oh, my God, Leo! That's so great! It's fantastic! He loves classic farmhouse.
I convinced him it's my passion.
You should talk to him, let me do a spread.
Inside Jack Dawson's home.
It will be huge for your business.
I just got hired by Jack Dawson.
My business is huge.
Never underestimate the value of good press.
Is this for me or you? Do I have to spell everything out for you? Jeez! It would be great PR.
And, yes, it would be a great get for my magazine, which I desperately need right now.
And you wonder why you're alone.
I'm not alone.
I have my magazine.
I have this image of you in your expensive home with nothing to hold but your latest issue.
Is that really enough? Listen, I don't have much time.
Julia thinks I'm out getting smokes.
You look good, Holt.
Getting cut for a new part? Just working on my movie.
Don't be modest.
I know you had lunch with Teddy Jick.
And I also know that his big action franchise is still up for grabs.
- Want my advice? - Not really.
Julia's agents will try to sign you.
You should make them bring you an offer on the action movie first.
Tell them you won't sign on a promise, only a deal.
I'll keep it in mind.
What's eating you? I'm only looking out for you here.
You're only looking out for me? Kira Klay is dead because of what I told you and what you published.
Julia's back is screwed up and she's in constant pain.
So don't tell me you're looking out for me.
Kira Klay was a drug addict who got pregnant, freaked out, and OD'd.
Your girlfriend's in constant pain because you flipped your car at 90 miles an hour.
All I've done is make you look great.
Do you know Connie Chris? She sings about the Bible, the Lord, and her virginity.
We don't exactly travel in the same circle.
You might be surprised.
She's in a private hospital that specializes in drug rehab.
I need to know young Hollywood's most discreet celebrity dealer.
And I'd know this because Because if you were to piss into a paper cup right now, it would probably dissolve.
Connie Chris got her drugs from someone.
I need to know who it is.
All right, there's one dealer, sells to all the young actors.
Name? She calls herself "Garbo.
" But you're not going to get anything from her.
She's totally discreet.
So am I.
Don't you know that by now? Can I help you? Delivery, eighth floor.
Deliveries go to the loading dock out back now.
I always take them to the room, at least to the nurse's station.
New policy.
Loading dock.
Our guys will get them to the room on time.
My boss, kind of particular Well, so is mine.
You are not getting upstairs.
We got a big celebrity, and you'd be surprised what the press would do to sneak in.
That sucks.
Makes it bad for everybody, doesn't it? I followed your crazy pap.
Did you think I wouldn't figure out it was you who sent those pictures? You're a smart man, Prince.
Of course I thought you'd figure it out.
I was counting on it.
Gibson Horne owns this magazine.
He owns your team.
That makes us family.
I don't want to publish those nasty photos.
That's why I intercepted the negatives, So I could give them back to you.
Because that's what family does.
They look out for each other.
OK.
So, I do something to look out for you, give you the negatives, and you do something for me.
We're looking into the disappearance of Aundre G.
I know you hang out with his pals and his manager.
It's a pretty tight circle you're in.
I want that story.
I don't know.
I don't know anything about that.
Oh, I don't want this to turn into one of those ugly family fights where you won't help me and I won't help you.
And then That picture of you with the dildo gets out.
It wouldn't be good for your image, let alone your marriage.
I can't talk about Aundre G.
I can give you anything else.
How about an exclusive on how you like taking it up the ass? Would that work? Come on.
I always protect my sources.
Whatever you tell me, no one will ever know it came from you.
I can't.
We go to press in two days.
I'm sorry I missed dinner, but I have to work late.
I know I said I'd be there, Mom I gotta go.
I'll call you back.
Any leads on Connie Chris? Trying.
Nothing solid yet.
You want a chance to crack it? Yeah, yes.
This is a pager number.
It's probably Connie's dealer.
Ask for Garbo.
Great, thanks.
Willa.
Don't page her from here.
I was just canceling my dinner.
This dealer expects to see a young face.
That's why I picked you.
Don't make me regret it.
So, what do they mean, "time off"? They want you to get better.
Come back when you're up to doing the show.
I can do the goddamn show, all right? They said they couldn't use your stuff from the last taping, that you seem drugged.
I told them that you were still recovering from the accident.
She is still recovering! - That's what I told them.
- So they're firing me? - They can't fire you.
- They can suspend your deal.
You can come back when you're ready.
The door is open.
This is a chance for you to take the time to get well.
I'm fine, OK? I'm fine! Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
- Goddamn it, are they recasting me? - No! God, no! They're talking to Brittany Murphy about coming in to play your sister.
Jesus Christ, they are totally replacing me.
It's just for a few episodes.
And then if it works, you come back.
Maybe she stays.
It could be a bump for the show.
OK, just leave.
All right? Go.
You can both go.
Hey I'm going to the lab.
Swipe card? I, um Oh, I left it in the, uh Gotta get these to the lab.
I can call down, have someone come get them.
OK nitrous, white lightning, uh, amyl-snaps.
You into natural shit? I got a batch of San Pedro cactus, serious sacred Native American stuff.
Um Yeah, sure.
Uh My boyfriend and I actually wanted to Shit, no, boys aren't into natural highs.
You want to impress him, go for some Tepanil, maybe a little Dover's to even him out.
We actually wanted to throw a party for Connie when she gets out.
- Connie? - Chris.
Um I told you on the phone, we're, like we're good friends.
Really? I figured you were a narc, I was gonna have to kill you.
You brought cash? - Yeah 1,900, right? - Yep.
You gotta try this.
On the house.
I Seriously, I need to know you're not a narc.
Plus this shit will totally open your mind.
This to get you going.
And then this to keep it coming in waves all night.
Come on.
It will change your life.
Mmm yeah.
It's like coming, isn't it? Here.
Are you really friends with Connie Chris? Um Yeah.
Give her a message for me? Yeah.
You tell her there is a dealer in Hollywood who thinks she's searing-hot sexy.
No, she's fine.
She's sleeping.
Good, good, and you? Teddy Jick loved you, you know.
That's cool.
I know you've been with Andy forever, but your career's at a critical place.
Shh.
I'd be honored to work with you, Holt.
Sign with me.
I promise, you'd be priority one and I'd be on guys like Jick 24/7 for you.
I appreciate that, Quinn.
But I won't sign with you on a promise.
I'll only sign on a deal.
I'll get you a deal.
A big, rich, action-picture deal.
You and I are going to do really well together, OK? I look forward to it.
Honey? I'm going to go out for a run.
I grew up in Ohio, so that's always gonna be home.
Whenever I'm shooting in L.
A.
, Justine and the kids gotta be with me.
Are you sure, because if you ever need a place to stay I'm not sure Justine would approve of that.
But seriously, you're this big Hollywood star.
You've got three box-office smashes.
- You are two-time sexiest man alive.
- Yeah, four years ago.
You know what? You still have my vote.
How do you keep the family together despite the pressures of Hollywood? Well, it is all about family, isn't it? Oh, I wish more people felt the same way you do.
Farm boy upbringing, I guess.
Five hundred dollars cash.
And all I have to do is tell you where she is? Mm-hmm.
- They got her in post-op ICU.
- Third floor.
How do I get in there? Nobody gets into post-op ICU unless you're part of the team.
Patients can't even have family visitors.
That's why they put her there, to keep her away from guys like you.
Why do you need Connie Chris? Just take more pictures of me.
Aren't I beautiful enough? Oh, you are.
But I just I can't talk right now.
Come on, sweetheart.
Come on.
It's just not always the right time.
It's just not the right thing to do.
It's not appropriate for us to talk.
No.
It's not you, it's people Grabbed her things and ran out.
McPherson, what have you got? Huh? - Connie Chris? Anything? - Um Not yet, no.
- Nothing from the dealer? - Wouldn't admit to knowing her.
Of course she wouldn't.
Do you know why I gave you that tip? Do you know why? Can you tell me why? Because I have a young face? Because you spoke up.
In a room full of people playing it safe, you had an idea and you spoke up.
I thought, "This girl's got the balls for the job.
" But I was wrong because I gave you the goddamn tip and you came back with dick.
I'm sorry.
You're sorry? Sorry won't keep the sharks away.
Hi, it's Lucy Spiller.
I'm about to close on your cover.
You ready to talk? OK, we can meet at my house.
It's private.
You can't run those photos.
Look, my wife, my kids I wish I had other options, I really do.
But I'm looking at a deadline here.
So unless you tell me what happened to Aundre G, you leave me no choice.
Don't make me run your picture on the cover.
It's beneath both of us.
If I tell you, they kill me.
I'm not shitting you.
If they knew I was here, they'd kill both of us.
I'm willing to take the risk.
No one will ever know where I got this information.
I tell you what I know, and you promise never to run those photos.
I give you the negatives.
Aundre G is dead.
They killed him.
His manager, Tweety McDaniel, we all hang out.
There's a group of us.
- Poker buddies, right? - Yeah, pretty much.
So one day Aundre G just stops coming.
Stories get out, he's missing, got into gang stuff, nobody knows.
Couple of months later, another one of Tweety's clients he makes a joke.
Says he's getting better offers from other labels.
Tweety just goes cold.
Says Aundre G tried to leave him, too.
Asks if we want to visit Aundre.
Little lesson in loyalty, he called it.
Visit him? Tweety had his head, OK? In a jar.
He said, "See? Nobody leaves me.
I got him right here.
And he's still making money for me.
" Holt? Shit.
Come on Come on, Holt.
Shit! OK OK - Hey.
- Hey.
Long time, I know.
Yeah.
Someone's a little bit clammy.
Oh.
Since when is Julia Mallory back doing her own drug runs? Since her boyfriend totally flaked on her.
- Can I come in? - Always.
There is no way we're running this.
Are you out of your mind? I sourced it myself.
Nothing sells better than death.
We're gonna get our one-point-one and then some.
There is no world in which legal is going to approve this story.
The minute this rolls off the press, the DA's going to demand your source.
They're gonna get a judge to hold you in contempt, take you to jail.
I'll run the magazine from jail.
Great publicity.
Yes, and what happens when this manager, Tweety McBlackguy, sues us for libel because we accused him of murder? He's guilty.
Do you really think he's gonna wanna rush into court for this one? Thirty percent.
Gibson's interest in Prince Tyreese's team.
- Thirty percent.
- And? And there are security cameras in the parking garage.
I saw the tape, you and Prince Tyreese.
What else would he be doing there, renewing his subscription? God! If he wants to come forward, be sourced, that's fine, great, run the story.
If not, you gotta get a different cover.
I've less than a day to go to press.
Good luck.
Don, listen to me.
I need that Connie Chris story.
Yeah, it's 8:30 in the morning on closing day and I have nothing.
Do you understand? I would give my left nut for those photos, Don, OK? I swear to God.
Get them for me, will you? OK? Second floor third floor East wing, post-op ICU Mylar.
They put Mylar on the windows of post-op ICU, Don.
You're not gonna get the picture from here.
Thank you.
They're really protecting that girl, huh? If only somebody had protected me that way.
You have me.
You don't need her, too, do you? I promised Lucy I'd get this shot.
Damn Lucy.
It always comes down to what Lucy wants.
I think you're just gonna have to make a choice between Lucy and I.
Oh, no, don't make me do that.
The choice is already made, baby.
You can't get the shot.
Good thing we're at the hospital, huh? I'm gonna need some surgery.
Hey.
What's wrong? What happened? I cut off my finger.
I set myself on fire freebasing.
Shit.
I just can't take it anymore being God's perfect little child.
I can't take it.
I'm so ugly now, aren't I? I'm so ugly.
No.
You're beautiful.
You're perfect.
I'm sorry.
You are crazy, and don't blame this on the schizophrenia.
I know the dif Oh, my God, Don! These are fantastic.
Thank you.
Wow.
Hell of a "Say No To Freebasing" poster.
Tell me she told you what drugs she was using when she set herself on fire.
Heroin and epinephrine.
Said it was like touching God.
- She actually said that? - Mmm.
I think I just came a little.
Oh my God, Don, you're a genius.
This is the one.
Oh, wow.
That's it.
That's the cover.
"Connie Crisp.
" I got it in before the close.
See? You said you'd give your left nut for this photo, pinky was as far as I was gonna go.
We'll cover medical expenses.
Don, you really saved my neck one this one.
- That's good.
- Thank you.
Solid cover.
See, I knew if I pushed your buttons just right, you'd pull it out of your ass.
You don't get to talk about my ass.
It's a compliment.
Good first issue.
Nice ass, too.
This is our cover! The wall is locked.
I want make-readys in my office in three hours! Well, it looks like home.
I spent a lot of time with the pictures you gave me of the farm you grew up on.
I like it.
Yeah, that really brings me back.
Thank you.
That means a lot.
Thank you.
You have done an amazing job, Leo.
I really appreciate it.
Look, I have a personal thing to ask.
Sure.
It's awkward.
I don't know if I should bring it up.
So if I'm out of line, I totally understand and you can forget Leo.
Relax.
I've been thinking the same thing.
Ever since I met you, I've been thinking the same thing.
Don't be mad, baby.
I mean, I came home to you, didn't I? - I came home to you.
- I missed you.
Here.
Poor baby.
Come here.
Mmm It's too bright in here, baby.
Come sleep.
- Where is it? - Where's what? Don't mess with me, Frankie, this is a P&W newsstand.
We pay for tier-one placement.
Where is Dirt Now? I don't know.
Maybe the placement's too good.
I sold out.
What? But don't worry.
I did save you one copy.
Don't you ever, ever, save one for me.
Do you hear me? You sell them all! You always sell them all! Look, keep it.
I'll buy it.
It'll go against your cover sales.