Dirty Lines (2022) s01e03 Episode Script
Episode 3
1
[child 1.]
I'm here! Yoo-hoo! A NETFLIX SERIES [child 2.]
Look out, get the ball.
[children laugh.]
- [child 1.]
Bet you can't get me.
- [child 3.]
No! [child 1.]
Okay, stop! [child Marly.]
No, you've had your turn.
You're always up.
It's my turn.
- [child 2.]
Come on! - [child Marly.]
Anouk's out.
- No, it's not out.
- Yes, of course you're out.
Those are the rules of the game, okay? Or I'm not playing.
- [child 2.]
Marly.
- [child Anouk.]
Don't be like that.
Okay, I'm not playing anymore.
- Oh, Marly.
- Okay.
[child Marly.]
Who wants to play hide and seek? I didn't do anything wrong.
You're loud, Marly.
You're far too loud.
But I was only playing.
[Marly's mom.]
Who do you think they'll blame if there's trouble? They'll be at our door because "it can only have been that dark-skinned loudmouth.
" [Marly's dad.]
And you stand out, Marly.
People like us can't afford to stand out.
Got it? Got it.
[pop music plays.]
When my parents chucked me out of the house, I thought, "Now it's starting, real life.
" "Finally, I'm free to do whatever I want.
" "Amsterdam is a game reserve full of fun, handsome men that I can simply drag up to my little room, the way a panther drags its prey up into a tree.
" One little problem though, I was no panther.
I was a chameleon that changes color at first sight.
So I spent every night alone in bed.
[moaning and banging.]
Well, alone It was student housing, after all.
[pop music gets louder.]
[Marly's mom.]
 Marly.
That's not how I raised you.
Hands above the blankets.
You're not here.
Yes, I am.
I can see you.
Go away.
So this is what you left us for.
Bare mess.
Why don't you make it a bit cozier? You wouldn't let me take anything.
Do you want to pick your teeth up off the floor? Shut up.
[Janna.]
Ah, I'm coming! [moans.]
[tram dings.]
[tram speaker.]
Waalstraat.
[Marly.]
Yeah, right.
Now you notice me.
Moron.
If I ever want to count for something in this town, I really have to change.
[car horn honks.]
[church bells ring.]
[drilling sounds.]
Hey, Frank.
Hey, gorgeous.
Ah, what is that? I'm going to take a look.
[phone rings.]
[ominous music plays.]
Hi.
[drilling gets louder.]
And this one here needs to be Ramon! What? - Urgent? - Three hundred lines.
- They have to go in somewhere, right? - Yeah, can it wait? It's 12 o'clock.
So Hey, Frank.
Hey.
- Marly.
- Marly.
The party at the silo.
Oh, right.
Check.
Now I remember.
[drilling sounds.]
- What can I do for you? - I start today.
Help me.
With my job.
- Recording a tape.
Sure.
- No.
No, you said you had work for me.
Real work.
It's great that you want to come work for us.
The more, the merrier.
I'm really sorry.
I wasn't completely sober at that party.
But we're expanding soon, and we're bound to need more staff.
So leave your name and telephone number, and we'll be in touch with you, okay? We're renovating.
"I'll renovate your face.
" That's what I should have said.
Time to get dressed now.
He's not going to call me, is he? Probably not.
[Frank.]
Nina.
Could you please tell Ramon the meeting's in the lords' chamber.
The lords' chamber? Check.
- [Frank sings.]
- Mother fucker.
Okay guys, how fast can we have those lines up and running? Maybe we should think about content first.
I don't think people want 300 different porn tapes.
Yeah! Hey, we could start a joke line too.
Listen up.
- Little Joe's off to hooker's - [Ronnie.]
You know what we should do? Gay lines.
You'd like that, huh? You pervert.
- Dude, you're the biggest homo.
- [Johnny.]
Oh, shut up.
Seriously, that's a great idea.
Gay lines.
Ramon? Well, I don't know.
Having queers around the place all day long.
- Well, you don't have to listen to them.
- I'm with Ramon.
It has to be fun for us too.
Hey, all those recordings, how are we going to do it? We'll do it the way we've always done it.
Johnny writes a few stories, Nina calls some random broads.
Three hundred lines with one studio? That will never work.
Sure, we can.
We build an extra studio.
We've got plenty of room.
Just tell me where you want it.
I'll sort it out with the architect.
Wait a minute.
Sorry, but that's our department, Frank.
I'm not going to let some designer clown decide what our studio will sound like.
Okay, let's chuck out the Marshall, right? And bring in a 24-channel D&R mixing desk.
Yeah, D for dead and R for rot.
Guys, we're not recording the Concertgebouw orchestra, okay? Okay, make it 12 tracks.
But 300 lines is a lot.
It'll be fine, dude.
Frank? Anouk called.
She needs you at home right now.
- Anouk? - [Nina.]
Yeah, she said it was urgent, so She wants you back, Frankie.
Hey? Yeah, this afternoon.
That architect is coming, so Don't be a dick.
You want her back, right? - Yeah.
- Well, go on, then.
Hey, Nien.
Want to play? Hey, is that allowed? A woman in the lords' chamber? You call this a lords' chamber? I think you mean a toddlers' corner.
[car horn honks.]
- Calm down.
I'm coming.
- Yeah.
You call this parking or what? Hey! Sorry, dear neighbor.
[Marly.]
Frank recognized him instantly.
Bram Heimans.
After three successful solo shows, Bram was the Netherlands' most famous and most progressive stand-up comedian.
Do you really think that those people with their big BMWs, and with their yachts in Saint-Tropez, do you really think that those people are any happier? You bet your freaking ass! Of course! A bit of cash, a bit of dinero.
Life is oh, so sweet, right? - Sorry.
- [Frank.]
Hey.
This place was empty for so long.
Force of habit.
But I'll refrain from dumping the voiture in front of your entrance from now on.
[Marly.]
And Frank being Frank, he immediately smelled an opportunity.
I'll introduce myself.
Frank Stigter.
I'm a big fan.
Bram Heimans, but you noticed already.
Listen, we should have come around sooner to say hello.
No worries, man.
But you are those boys with those sex lines, aren't you? That's right.
- Pop in for a chat sometime.
- Sure.
Maybe we can help each other out.
- Sorry, I don't do corporate events.
- No, of course not.
I was thinking about your own hotline.
The Bram Heimans line.
Yeah.
I don't think anyone would get turned on by that.
Just ask my wife.
It would be the world's first stand-up comedy line.
You're on radio and TV, aren't you? So, why not on the phone as well? You can do a new show every week.
[Marly.]
Nobody likes to be associated with sex lines.
I don't think I'll be able to fit it in.
[Marly.]
Least of all a left-leaning artist like Bram Heimans.
Very nice car.
I can tell you have good taste.
Thank you.
[Marly.]
But there was one thing Frank could do like no other.
Actually, you should try out the new sports model.
- Yeah? - It's in a league of its own.
[Marly.]
The art of seduction.
Is that right? Well SHAME The biggest problem in treating people with sexual issues is that it is a topic that is laden with shame.
I'll give you an example.
Is there anyone in the room who's into anal sex? See? That's how difficult it is to talk about sex.
"What will the others think?" "Is it normal if I say I like anal sex?" But that kind of openness is what we ask of our patients.
How often do you masturbate? What do you fantasize about when you masturbate? Yes.
Do you practice anal sex? My wife is considering it.
And you? Not after dinner.
To experience how our patients feel, I'd like to play the carousel game with you.
Please group in pairs.
And remember, you don't have to answer the questions.
That's exactly what this is about: discovering where your boundaries lie.
Should I start? "What do you like most about sex?" I've never [Janna.]
Oh? Never? Not even with yourself? Okay, I'll pick another card then.
"Have you ever contracted an STD, and how did it" No.
Maybe it's best if you start.
[funky music plays.]
"Do you have any sexual fantasies?" Yeah.
All people have sexual fantasies, don't they? "How many sexual partners have you had?" Fewer than you.
All right.
Okay.
"What do you like about sex?" To be completely honest, nothing at all.
- But you have boyfriend after boyfriend.
- Yeah, that's why.
- Really? - Yeah.
Would you two mind splitting up for now? There's someone on his own back there and you already know each other a bit too well.
- Sure, okay.
- Yes? So, it's you and me, then.
Unless you're uncomfortable with it.
I totally get it.
- No, it's okay.
- [Leon.]
Yeah? Yeah.
Right, you can start.
Oh, yeah.
"Do you think monogamy is realistic and achievable in a marriage or a long-term relationship?" Realistic and achievable for many people.
And speaking for yourself? Very good.
I personally think it's better not to define a relationship in terms of exclusivity, but rather in terms of what makes it unique.
The relationship I have with my wife I have with no one else.
Yeah.
DO YOU USUALLY USE CONDOMS? What was your first sexual experience like? - You don't have to answer the question.
- Yeah, no.
I know.
No, I could share something about that.
You see Okay.
So, I'm not going to tell him this.
But I have always had a huge fascination for penises.
Not that I had seen that many.
- [Marly's dad.]
Marly.
- [Marly.]
My parents didn't do nude.
[Marly's dad.]
Get out.
[Marly.]
But the boy next door did.
[pop music plays.]
And there were books I could secretly peruse.
I wanted to know so badly what it would be like to have one of those things between your legs, a thing that would just dangle there and could get hard at any time.
They had a section in Hitkrant, "Heat Up," which answered all of my questions.
DO NOT DISTURB! Unless my mother got to it first.
So I was in no way prepared for that first giant, meaty cock.
- Ow! - Shh.
[Marly.]
Let me tell you, being deflowered by someone with an oversized dick isn't something I'd recommend.
That was it.
My first time.
I gave up on it straight afterwards.
Well, I expected a bit more from it.
Yes? Okay.
Very good.
Please change partners, everyone.
[car horn honks.]
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey, what are you doing here? - Good to see you.
New aftershave? Well, what's up? She can tell you herself.
She's upstairs in bed.
Hey, Poekie.
Hey.
What's up with you? I want to die.
Okay, why? [Anouk.]
If there was a train here, I'd jump in front of it.
Hey, Poekie.
Hey.
You stink.
No, nothing.
What is it? Nauseous.
So nauseous and it's your fault.
My fault? I'm pregnant.
Congratulations.
Hey, Anouk.
Whoa, jeez.
[piano music plays.]
I imagined it so differently.
I Oh, sweet.
No.
Go away.
Get Natasja.
We really have to make it soundproof.
That's no problem.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This is big enough.
Yeah, we'll put a door in that wall.
So you can enter the studio from both sides.
- Exactly.
- You're not doing anything here.
This is my office.
Well, I guess you'll still have to move.
Sorry.
- Well, he doesn't do shit anyway.
- Hello, this is research, okay? - Who writes all the stories around here? - [Nina.]
Ah! Here you are.
The architect's here.
Yeah, I'll be right there.
We'll find you a room, John.
- No worries.
- Goddamn it.
Can I be of assistance? With your research? [funky music plays.]
Hi.
Alexander.
[rave music plays.]
Ramon.
Frank's not here, so he asked me to show you around.
[phone rings.]
Well, this could use a little more provocation, right? Provocation? Yeah, less tame.
Right? This whole space absolutely screams to be stripped down.
And then maybe create a great statement piece on this wall.
Something to impress.
A large tapestry or a mural painting.
Yeah, sounds good.
- Shall we start the tour, then? - Yeah.
Okay.
Well, the light's great.
- Why did she wait to call me? - She's only just found out.
So you're going to be a dad after all.
Despite your slow sperm.
Who says my sperm is slow? If you don't have it tested Sorry.
Congratulations.
You think she'll take me back? I don't know, Frank.
I'm staying out of that.
But Ramon says you've been keeping quite busy.
Asshole.
We tell each other everything.
First, figure out what you want, okay? [calm piano music plays.]
Hey, Willem.
That's Willem.
This is the recording studio.
That's where we record the tapes.
Bookkeeping.
And this is the heart of the company but that doesn't need any work.
This is my domain.
I'll take a peek anyway.
And how is this your domain? I'm the engineer.
When we first started, it was just a bunch of interconnected answering machines but soon it will be full of cassette players.
From wall to wall.
- May I? - Yeah, sure.
That's a playback for us to check [woman.]
Come on, baby.
Come on.
Slide it between my breasts, up and down.
It's the end of the tape, so there's a lot of - [woman.]
Come.
- "Come all over me.
" [woman.]
Squirt all over my tits.
Just come.
We're bringing in different lines as well.
Joke lines, weather forecasts and a stock exchange thing.
[woman.]
Ah! I'm coming! Do you know that we have met before? Yes.
At the party at the docks.
So, you do remember.
I don't stick my tongue into just anyone.
Although I hadn't noticed your wedding ring.
Have you guys ever considered a gay sex line? That would make a lot of people happy.
[Janna.]
I haven't seen you in a week.
That's all I'm saying.
[Mischa.]
I have to do everything by myself with RoXY! We could have opened a month ago.
- [Janna.]
Help, Misch! Calm down, will you? - [Mischa.]
I am not calm! [door slams.]
Jan, are you alright? Who wants to come to The Rijk? - Sorry, I'm broke.
- Yeah, me too.
End of the month.
As if nobody's going to buy us a drink.
[rock music plays.]
That's what she said to me, and I said, I told you - Come on, let's go say hi.
- No, please, let's not.
Then we know for sure that we don't have to pay.
Hey, Janna.
- Hey.
- Hey, ladies.
Hello.
So, what would you like to drink? Yeah, 'cause Frank is buying.
He's going to be a dad.
- What? - Yeah.
- Congratulations.
- Congratulations.
Now he just needs to make up with his wife, right? - Well, let's celebrate.
- Shouldn't you be getting home soon? Does Natasja let you stay out this late? I'm just messing with you.
I'd like a beer.
- Yeah, me too.
- I'm Frank.
Seriously.
How many people like me does he see in a day? Kidding.
Hi.
Marly, right? Sorry about this morning.
- Hey, do you want a beer? - Yeah, sure.
- To the little demon! - Well, he's not here yet.
- Johnny is a titties man.
- Where did you get that idea, man? All your stories are all about tits.
Yeah, the story I got last time was all about tits.
Yeah, and mine was all about Swedish style.
Swedish style? What's that? - In between.
- That's Russian style.
Russian style.
In Italian we call it "coitus alle mammelle.
" - [Eva.]
Are you from Italy? - [Johnny.]
Can't you tell? Shouldn't you offer more variety with those lines? What, sorry? Hey.
Well, I mean, not all men are the same, so What turns some men on, others might hate.
Just look at the list of paraphilias.
Bro, someone's been studying hard.
- Para-what? - Special preferences.
Fetishes.
- Like masochism, exhibitionism, voyeurism.
- Yeah.
You could easily subdivide those lines into, for instance, a nurses line, an air hostess line, an S&M line.
Marly Salomon, would you please keep your big mouth shut? We did not teach you this.
- [Ronnie.]
The old hooker line.
- Yeah.
The muff line.
- Well, the gay line.
- That one is for Ronnie.
Yeah, well Research shows that one in ten men have had a homoerotic experience.
- [Janna.]
Yeah.
- One in ten? For one in forty, it's their sexual preference.
One in thirty.
One in thirty.
Hey, Ramon.
That's a lot of people.
Yeah, a lot of people.
So? Yeah, but we have 300 lines to fill, remember? And you could even subdivide into gay and lesbian.
The tomboy line.
- That's the muff line.
- [Eva.]
No.
- [Janna.]
Sure.
Why not? - [Eva.]
Tomboys aren't necessarily gay and Still looking for a job? Yes.
We could use an extra writer.
Twenty guilders per story.
[Marly.]
This is what I get for not keeping my big mouth shut.
Suddenly, creating content for 300 lines had become my problem.
I needed to come up with 20 sex stories by the end of the week.
As a test.
[disco music plays.]
I approached the project like any scientist would.
Step one: a literature review.
[moaning.]
[Mischa.]
I'm sorry, honey.
I love you.
[Marly.]
Followed by observation.
[woman.]
He wanted to take them.
MAKE-UP SEX And I said, "Fine, love, if you want to take my panties home.
" "If that's what turns you on.
" "But it'll cost you an extra 20 guilders.
" "Because I'm not a cheapo.
" [Marly.]
And field research.
Interesting.
And ultimately, all this knowledge comes together in the publication.
[knock on door.]
[Janna.]
Mar, are you coming to class? Whoa.
- You okay, miss D.
H.
Lawrence? - No.
I know nothing about sex.
Don't be silly.
- You know that book by heart.
- Yeah, that's theory.
That's not arousing.
I can't turn that into a story.
Don't take them so seriously, man.
It's not an exam, right? Yeah, you know me.
It has to be good.
[Janna laughs.]
Oh, you're right.
This is really bad.
This won't get anyone horny.
Jan.
I just don't know enough about it.
Mar, you just need to use your own fantasies.
When was the last time you fantasized about anyone? [alternative music plays.]
You see? Just write about yourself.
[guitar music plays.]
Good luck.
Thanks.
[Alexander.]
The design's by an artist called Boris van Soest.
High in demand.
Has an exposition in the Stedelijk.
Oh, really? Thanks, guys.
What this says is that this is a serious business with serious, hard-working people.
Yeah.
And we would put it here, right? - Yeah, right here.
- Uh-huh.
Hey, Alex.
Hi, I'm here to do a recording for the Bad Boys line.
Okay, you can follow me.
The studio's downstairs.
We started a gay line.
I see.
This is not included in the price for the remodeling, I guess? No, it's another thirty thousand on top.
Thirty thousand? But on a two hundred grand budget Two hundred? It will increase the value of the property.
We're renting this.
You're renting? Okay.
Hey, little brother, just in time.
You met our neighbor? Hi.
Bram Heimans.
- Ramon Stigter.
- Ramon is our technical director.
[Johnny.]
Bram here just signed up for a year.
I feel like a soccer club.
[Bram.]
Yeah, but I'm way cheaper than Van Basten.
How do you like the sound of this: "Teledutch presents a stand-up comedy line with Bram Heimans.
" How classy is that? 100,000 GUILDERS Welcome to Teledutch.
- [Johnny.]
Cheers.
- [Bram.]
Cheers.
Frank, can I talk to you for a minute? About the remodeling.
Nice to meet you.
- Frankie, hey.
- Yeah, okay.
Want to hear a joke, Brammie boy? - A joke? - Yeah.
I thought we take all decisions together.
Yes.
Is there a problem? Well, since we seem to be paying a hundred grand for a joker.
Ramon, that's my department.
I'm not interfering with yours either, with your studio and your Neumann and your Sennheiser.
You want to produce top quality too? Bram Heimans is top quality.
Do you realize what he can do for our image? Jokes.
Frank, a joke line.
With his fucking stand-up.
You think people will pay 50 cents per minute to listen to that leftist clown? - I don't think so, man.
- That's not the point.
It's about what it looks like on the ads page.
- "Teledutch Presents Bram Heimans.
" - Jesus.
[Frank.]
Yeah, I'm trying to give this company a bit of class.
Oh yeah.
And so we're restyling this joint for 200 grand because you because mister wants to buy us class? Frank, we're renting here! Have you ever listened to what's on those tapes? Like really listened to it? - You just can't see it.
- [Ramon.]
What? We're not a bunch of sex peddlers, man.
Three hundred lines is nothing.
What we're doing is the future.
There's no end to it.
In two weeks time, we'll open the renewed Teledutch.
And that's just the start.
Trust me.
Two hundred grand is nothing compared to what you and I are going to be raking in.
Frankie, come on, man.
Hey, Nien.
How about another bottle? [guitar music plays.]
Yes, Ramon Stigter for Alexander.
That mural painting in the reception is a definite go.
[Marly.]
Our fantasies tell us something about our deepest problems and desires.
Why don't you bend over, Mr.
Jansen.
That which we allow no one to see.
Yes, sir.
I've been very naughty.
Don't look at me, you miserable scuzzbucket.
Because there's nothing scarier than baring your all.
And we're recording.
[Marly.]
But there's no need to be yourself.
I'm sitting here with Monique.
And Monique works in the men's fashion department of a large chain store.
Monique, why don't you tell us what you look like? Well, I have this very long, red curly hair, down to my buttocks.
And I have big fat boobs that sit very snugly in my tight little blouse.
And at the moment, I'm wearing this really short skirt that just shows a glimpse of my buttocks.
Sometimes I can't control myself then I just have to slip into the fitting room.
Wow, Monique.
So, that's why I thought, instead of these stories, we could do interviews.
And the only thing we need is a few key words.
"Who, what, where, and when.
" So, I'm wearing, you know, this white uniform.
And underneath, I'm naked.
[Marly.]
So, to summarize, you hear a conversation between two people, but our imagination starts working, which makes it sound all the more real.
So then, you know, I rub down my body with a nice massage oil.
Yeah? And then I slowly let myself slide onto him.
[Marly.]
The number of lines we could come up with was endless.
[Janna.]
At night when the kids were asleep he came into my room.
[hot housewife.]
Yeah, right here! Take me on the counter! Oh, yes! [dominatrix.]
Don't look at me, you miserable little creature.
[woman.]
Yes, I'm coming! Fuck me! [Marly.]
It wasn't just my imagination that was stimulated.
Even the men got inspired.
Ice cold, boys.
If we're doing audio plays anyway, then why not add sound effects to them as well? Great idea.
Come here.
Cat slurping saucer of milk.
[Marly.]
And so all of the Netherlands was jerking off to the sound of a pussycat slurping up a saucer of milk.
[woman.]
Open your mouth.
[Marly.]
Or the sound of [woman.]
Let me pee in your mouth.
That's so good.
Okay, so we'll record two couples at the same time, and we'll pretend that they're swingers.
Marly, what do you think? All of a sudden, I'd become the expert.
Or, as Frank called it, the sexpert.
Yeah, okay.
And we'll call it the the couples club? Yeah.
- Good one.
- [Ramon.]
Yeah, that's a good one.
[cheers.]
- [TV presenter.]
Gezellig spel, hè? - [contestant.]
Nou, een zenuwenspel.
Blauw.
Prima.
- O, wacht effe, - Nee, we doen niks.
- [contestant.]
Deze kant.
- [TV presenter.]
Ik doe niks.
Wit.
Beetje hier.
Jij gooien.
Hey.
You're up again.
Can I get you anything? My body back.
- [TV presenter.]
Niet zo hard gooien.
- [contestant.]
Niet zo hard gooien.
[contestants scream.]
[TV presenter.]
Ga door.
Rood.
I've got something for you.
[TV presenter.]
 Jij moet gooien.
We zijn er bijna.
Bijna.
This was Lucas' first little sock.
I think he wore it only once before he'd outgrown it.
[TV presenter.]
Eva Ja! [calm piano music plays.]
This is what you're doing it for.
[flight captain.]
 U heeft een droomreis gewonnen, naar Los Angeles en New York.
En voor dit geweldige avontuur krijgt u nog extra duizend gulden mee.
Merci.
Hartelijk dank.
En ik wens je een fijne Zij gaan naar Los Angeles.
Pas op de champagne.
[Frank.]
Welcome to the Teledutch Drive-In Show Extravaganza! This is how Ramon and I first went into business together.
I was 16.
I was 14.
Ramon was 14, and with our own DJ drive-in set, we did the rounds at village fêtes.
And especially for you guys tonight, we've dusted off our old set and we'll play, for one night only, no naughty sex tapes but bad records! Yeah! To salut the renewed Teledutch with all of you.
It may have been a hundred grand more expensive.
Yeah, very funny.
But holy shit, Alexander, it turned out so beautiful.
You are a true artist.
I would like to I would like to thank a few more people, of course.
Without you guys You would be a couple of broke fuckers! Johnny.
Johnny, you had the guts to invest in us when no one else could see what we were about.
Thank you.
Hey, Tsjibbe, where you at? Tsjibbe! Boom.
And Ronnie, our amazing sound engineer.
Thank you so much.
He's single, gentlemen.
Hey.
- Not really funny.
But whatever.
- Not really.
Nina.
The face of Teledutch.
And last but not least, Ramon.
[applause.]
[man.]
Ramon! Brother, this adventure is not my adventure, it's our adventure.
I couldn't have done it without you.
Thank you.
[cheering and applause.]
Oh, wait.
I'm totally forgetting someone.
And that's all of you working to record those dirty tapes.
Give it up for DJ Ramon! [party music plays.]
Do you know how I know that there is no God? By our genitals.
Look, the perfect God, right? Who supposedly created man in his own image, simply couldn't be responsible for something like the ball sack.
No? Not a funny joke? I'll soon be recording for one of those lines and I thought I'd test it out, but - I'm laughing on the inside.
- Oh, okay, right.
Well, actually, it's not even one of mine, it's No, it's one of Nietzsche's.
What have we got here? So you're not only pretty, but He phrased it with less humor.
Who'd have thought that in this Sodom and Gomorrah, I'd meet a like-minded soul this evening.
Well.
- Want to dance? - Yeah.
Frankie.
Frank.
Take one.
Go on.
Oh, party.
- Cheers.
- Cheers, Johnny.
Pretty lady.
A bit young, maybe? So, I guess this is your choice.
Do I have a choice? Anouk is pregnant, remember? She kicked me out, you know? There's a whole army of people looking after her, including Ramon and me, 24/7.
And you do nothing.
Here.
A small gift.
You could put it on your dick before you knock her up too.
Hey, I've got to go.
- We'll talk later.
- Bye.
Are you happy with the new artwork? Absolutely.
It's just what the business needed.
Thank you.
That's great.
Hey, I'm going home to relieve babysitter.
Are you staying? - Yeah.
- Okay.
- Sorry.
I'm Natasja, Ramon's wife.
- Alexander.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Alexander did the interior decorating.
Wow, amazing work.
Our house is in bad need of a makeover.
Maybe we can hire you.
Yeah, sure.
It was a joy working with Ramon.
Well, I don't make the decisions at home.
- Why don't you go ahead? Yeah? - Okay.
- I'll take a cab home.
Don't worry.
- Have fun then.
It's really amazing, guys.
She seems nice, man.
Yeah.
So, when's the RoXY opening up? Maybe I could drop by sometime? - Don't bother.
- Don't bother? I I really can't help you, Ramon.
I know what it's like.
I've been there.
And I think you're great, but I don't feel like going through that same hell again.
So if you want to, then do it for you, not for me or anyone else.
But do it.
Otherwise it will tear you apart.
[calm music plays.]
[Marly.]
Sexual attraction is a mysterious phenomenon.
[party music plays.]
It goes far beyond a person's appearance.
Was it matching pheromones? His scent? The fact that someone as famous as him was the only one who took notice of me? Made me laugh? I'm sure I would have gone home with him.
The problem with men is that they notoriously say the wrong thing.
Feel like coming home with me tonight? [Marly.]
So far, so good.
I've never done it with a Black woman before.
No.
Sorry.
No.
Sorry? Why sorry? Why do you want to have sex a Black woman so badly? Is it different? Please enlighten me because I can't do special tricks with my cunt, if that's what you think.
And I know nothing about unusual Surinamese positions, and I won't do any limbo dancing on your cock.
Are you still interested, Bram? [Frank.]
Guys, I completely forgot to thank Marly.
Our own sexpert.
Give it up for Marly! [Marly.]
My mother always said every person has a role to play in life.
But the challenge is to discover what your role might be.
And this one is for Ronnie.
[party music plays.]
Come on people let us use our [Marly.]
I'd become so good at hiding who I was that I thought I was a mere extra in the lives of others.
Somebody tell me now Believe in destiny [Marly.]
And that all changed the moment I dared being loud again.
Why, tell me why Tell me why, tell me why do I pray Extremely loud.
Why, tell me why Tell me why, tell me why do I pray I hope that freedom Soon will come our way Somebody tell me now MEN ONLY [acoustic music plays.]
[man.]
without seeing you, I can feel your hands on my body.
I rake my nails down your back.
I pull you close.
I place my hand on your pants and feel your cock slowly go hard.
[piano music plays.]
[phone dial tone sounds.]
[Anouk.]
This is Anouk's answering machine.
[Frank.]
And Frank's.
[Anouk.]
And Frank's too.
Please leave your message after the [Frank.]
Beep.
[phone beeps.]
Hey, Poekie.
It's me.
[Anouk.]
Frank? Please come home.
[disco music plays.]
[woman.]
Yes! There! Oh, go on! Oh, I love it.
Come on.
Go on.
Deeper! Harder! Go on! Yes! Yeah!
I'm here! Yoo-hoo! A NETFLIX SERIES [child 2.]
Look out, get the ball.
[children laugh.]
- [child 1.]
Bet you can't get me.
- [child 3.]
No! [child 1.]
Okay, stop! [child Marly.]
No, you've had your turn.
You're always up.
It's my turn.
- [child 2.]
Come on! - [child Marly.]
Anouk's out.
- No, it's not out.
- Yes, of course you're out.
Those are the rules of the game, okay? Or I'm not playing.
- [child 2.]
Marly.
- [child Anouk.]
Don't be like that.
Okay, I'm not playing anymore.
- Oh, Marly.
- Okay.
[child Marly.]
Who wants to play hide and seek? I didn't do anything wrong.
You're loud, Marly.
You're far too loud.
But I was only playing.
[Marly's mom.]
Who do you think they'll blame if there's trouble? They'll be at our door because "it can only have been that dark-skinned loudmouth.
" [Marly's dad.]
And you stand out, Marly.
People like us can't afford to stand out.
Got it? Got it.
[pop music plays.]
When my parents chucked me out of the house, I thought, "Now it's starting, real life.
" "Finally, I'm free to do whatever I want.
" "Amsterdam is a game reserve full of fun, handsome men that I can simply drag up to my little room, the way a panther drags its prey up into a tree.
" One little problem though, I was no panther.
I was a chameleon that changes color at first sight.
So I spent every night alone in bed.
[moaning and banging.]
Well, alone It was student housing, after all.
[pop music gets louder.]
[Marly's mom.]
 Marly.
That's not how I raised you.
Hands above the blankets.
You're not here.
Yes, I am.
I can see you.
Go away.
So this is what you left us for.
Bare mess.
Why don't you make it a bit cozier? You wouldn't let me take anything.
Do you want to pick your teeth up off the floor? Shut up.
[Janna.]
Ah, I'm coming! [moans.]
[tram dings.]
[tram speaker.]
Waalstraat.
[Marly.]
Yeah, right.
Now you notice me.
Moron.
If I ever want to count for something in this town, I really have to change.
[car horn honks.]
[church bells ring.]
[drilling sounds.]
Hey, Frank.
Hey, gorgeous.
Ah, what is that? I'm going to take a look.
[phone rings.]
[ominous music plays.]
Hi.
[drilling gets louder.]
And this one here needs to be Ramon! What? - Urgent? - Three hundred lines.
- They have to go in somewhere, right? - Yeah, can it wait? It's 12 o'clock.
So Hey, Frank.
Hey.
- Marly.
- Marly.
The party at the silo.
Oh, right.
Check.
Now I remember.
[drilling sounds.]
- What can I do for you? - I start today.
Help me.
With my job.
- Recording a tape.
Sure.
- No.
No, you said you had work for me.
Real work.
It's great that you want to come work for us.
The more, the merrier.
I'm really sorry.
I wasn't completely sober at that party.
But we're expanding soon, and we're bound to need more staff.
So leave your name and telephone number, and we'll be in touch with you, okay? We're renovating.
"I'll renovate your face.
" That's what I should have said.
Time to get dressed now.
He's not going to call me, is he? Probably not.
[Frank.]
Nina.
Could you please tell Ramon the meeting's in the lords' chamber.
The lords' chamber? Check.
- [Frank sings.]
- Mother fucker.
Okay guys, how fast can we have those lines up and running? Maybe we should think about content first.
I don't think people want 300 different porn tapes.
Yeah! Hey, we could start a joke line too.
Listen up.
- Little Joe's off to hooker's - [Ronnie.]
You know what we should do? Gay lines.
You'd like that, huh? You pervert.
- Dude, you're the biggest homo.
- [Johnny.]
Oh, shut up.
Seriously, that's a great idea.
Gay lines.
Ramon? Well, I don't know.
Having queers around the place all day long.
- Well, you don't have to listen to them.
- I'm with Ramon.
It has to be fun for us too.
Hey, all those recordings, how are we going to do it? We'll do it the way we've always done it.
Johnny writes a few stories, Nina calls some random broads.
Three hundred lines with one studio? That will never work.
Sure, we can.
We build an extra studio.
We've got plenty of room.
Just tell me where you want it.
I'll sort it out with the architect.
Wait a minute.
Sorry, but that's our department, Frank.
I'm not going to let some designer clown decide what our studio will sound like.
Okay, let's chuck out the Marshall, right? And bring in a 24-channel D&R mixing desk.
Yeah, D for dead and R for rot.
Guys, we're not recording the Concertgebouw orchestra, okay? Okay, make it 12 tracks.
But 300 lines is a lot.
It'll be fine, dude.
Frank? Anouk called.
She needs you at home right now.
- Anouk? - [Nina.]
Yeah, she said it was urgent, so She wants you back, Frankie.
Hey? Yeah, this afternoon.
That architect is coming, so Don't be a dick.
You want her back, right? - Yeah.
- Well, go on, then.
Hey, Nien.
Want to play? Hey, is that allowed? A woman in the lords' chamber? You call this a lords' chamber? I think you mean a toddlers' corner.
[car horn honks.]
- Calm down.
I'm coming.
- Yeah.
You call this parking or what? Hey! Sorry, dear neighbor.
[Marly.]
Frank recognized him instantly.
Bram Heimans.
After three successful solo shows, Bram was the Netherlands' most famous and most progressive stand-up comedian.
Do you really think that those people with their big BMWs, and with their yachts in Saint-Tropez, do you really think that those people are any happier? You bet your freaking ass! Of course! A bit of cash, a bit of dinero.
Life is oh, so sweet, right? - Sorry.
- [Frank.]
Hey.
This place was empty for so long.
Force of habit.
But I'll refrain from dumping the voiture in front of your entrance from now on.
[Marly.]
And Frank being Frank, he immediately smelled an opportunity.
I'll introduce myself.
Frank Stigter.
I'm a big fan.
Bram Heimans, but you noticed already.
Listen, we should have come around sooner to say hello.
No worries, man.
But you are those boys with those sex lines, aren't you? That's right.
- Pop in for a chat sometime.
- Sure.
Maybe we can help each other out.
- Sorry, I don't do corporate events.
- No, of course not.
I was thinking about your own hotline.
The Bram Heimans line.
Yeah.
I don't think anyone would get turned on by that.
Just ask my wife.
It would be the world's first stand-up comedy line.
You're on radio and TV, aren't you? So, why not on the phone as well? You can do a new show every week.
[Marly.]
Nobody likes to be associated with sex lines.
I don't think I'll be able to fit it in.
[Marly.]
Least of all a left-leaning artist like Bram Heimans.
Very nice car.
I can tell you have good taste.
Thank you.
[Marly.]
But there was one thing Frank could do like no other.
Actually, you should try out the new sports model.
- Yeah? - It's in a league of its own.
[Marly.]
The art of seduction.
Is that right? Well SHAME The biggest problem in treating people with sexual issues is that it is a topic that is laden with shame.
I'll give you an example.
Is there anyone in the room who's into anal sex? See? That's how difficult it is to talk about sex.
"What will the others think?" "Is it normal if I say I like anal sex?" But that kind of openness is what we ask of our patients.
How often do you masturbate? What do you fantasize about when you masturbate? Yes.
Do you practice anal sex? My wife is considering it.
And you? Not after dinner.
To experience how our patients feel, I'd like to play the carousel game with you.
Please group in pairs.
And remember, you don't have to answer the questions.
That's exactly what this is about: discovering where your boundaries lie.
Should I start? "What do you like most about sex?" I've never [Janna.]
Oh? Never? Not even with yourself? Okay, I'll pick another card then.
"Have you ever contracted an STD, and how did it" No.
Maybe it's best if you start.
[funky music plays.]
"Do you have any sexual fantasies?" Yeah.
All people have sexual fantasies, don't they? "How many sexual partners have you had?" Fewer than you.
All right.
Okay.
"What do you like about sex?" To be completely honest, nothing at all.
- But you have boyfriend after boyfriend.
- Yeah, that's why.
- Really? - Yeah.
Would you two mind splitting up for now? There's someone on his own back there and you already know each other a bit too well.
- Sure, okay.
- Yes? So, it's you and me, then.
Unless you're uncomfortable with it.
I totally get it.
- No, it's okay.
- [Leon.]
Yeah? Yeah.
Right, you can start.
Oh, yeah.
"Do you think monogamy is realistic and achievable in a marriage or a long-term relationship?" Realistic and achievable for many people.
And speaking for yourself? Very good.
I personally think it's better not to define a relationship in terms of exclusivity, but rather in terms of what makes it unique.
The relationship I have with my wife I have with no one else.
Yeah.
DO YOU USUALLY USE CONDOMS? What was your first sexual experience like? - You don't have to answer the question.
- Yeah, no.
I know.
No, I could share something about that.
You see Okay.
So, I'm not going to tell him this.
But I have always had a huge fascination for penises.
Not that I had seen that many.
- [Marly's dad.]
Marly.
- [Marly.]
My parents didn't do nude.
[Marly's dad.]
Get out.
[Marly.]
But the boy next door did.
[pop music plays.]
And there were books I could secretly peruse.
I wanted to know so badly what it would be like to have one of those things between your legs, a thing that would just dangle there and could get hard at any time.
They had a section in Hitkrant, "Heat Up," which answered all of my questions.
DO NOT DISTURB! Unless my mother got to it first.
So I was in no way prepared for that first giant, meaty cock.
- Ow! - Shh.
[Marly.]
Let me tell you, being deflowered by someone with an oversized dick isn't something I'd recommend.
That was it.
My first time.
I gave up on it straight afterwards.
Well, I expected a bit more from it.
Yes? Okay.
Very good.
Please change partners, everyone.
[car horn honks.]
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey, what are you doing here? - Good to see you.
New aftershave? Well, what's up? She can tell you herself.
She's upstairs in bed.
Hey, Poekie.
Hey.
What's up with you? I want to die.
Okay, why? [Anouk.]
If there was a train here, I'd jump in front of it.
Hey, Poekie.
Hey.
You stink.
No, nothing.
What is it? Nauseous.
So nauseous and it's your fault.
My fault? I'm pregnant.
Congratulations.
Hey, Anouk.
Whoa, jeez.
[piano music plays.]
I imagined it so differently.
I Oh, sweet.
No.
Go away.
Get Natasja.
We really have to make it soundproof.
That's no problem.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This is big enough.
Yeah, we'll put a door in that wall.
So you can enter the studio from both sides.
- Exactly.
- You're not doing anything here.
This is my office.
Well, I guess you'll still have to move.
Sorry.
- Well, he doesn't do shit anyway.
- Hello, this is research, okay? - Who writes all the stories around here? - [Nina.]
Ah! Here you are.
The architect's here.
Yeah, I'll be right there.
We'll find you a room, John.
- No worries.
- Goddamn it.
Can I be of assistance? With your research? [funky music plays.]
Hi.
Alexander.
[rave music plays.]
Ramon.
Frank's not here, so he asked me to show you around.
[phone rings.]
Well, this could use a little more provocation, right? Provocation? Yeah, less tame.
Right? This whole space absolutely screams to be stripped down.
And then maybe create a great statement piece on this wall.
Something to impress.
A large tapestry or a mural painting.
Yeah, sounds good.
- Shall we start the tour, then? - Yeah.
Okay.
Well, the light's great.
- Why did she wait to call me? - She's only just found out.
So you're going to be a dad after all.
Despite your slow sperm.
Who says my sperm is slow? If you don't have it tested Sorry.
Congratulations.
You think she'll take me back? I don't know, Frank.
I'm staying out of that.
But Ramon says you've been keeping quite busy.
Asshole.
We tell each other everything.
First, figure out what you want, okay? [calm piano music plays.]
Hey, Willem.
That's Willem.
This is the recording studio.
That's where we record the tapes.
Bookkeeping.
And this is the heart of the company but that doesn't need any work.
This is my domain.
I'll take a peek anyway.
And how is this your domain? I'm the engineer.
When we first started, it was just a bunch of interconnected answering machines but soon it will be full of cassette players.
From wall to wall.
- May I? - Yeah, sure.
That's a playback for us to check [woman.]
Come on, baby.
Come on.
Slide it between my breasts, up and down.
It's the end of the tape, so there's a lot of - [woman.]
Come.
- "Come all over me.
" [woman.]
Squirt all over my tits.
Just come.
We're bringing in different lines as well.
Joke lines, weather forecasts and a stock exchange thing.
[woman.]
Ah! I'm coming! Do you know that we have met before? Yes.
At the party at the docks.
So, you do remember.
I don't stick my tongue into just anyone.
Although I hadn't noticed your wedding ring.
Have you guys ever considered a gay sex line? That would make a lot of people happy.
[Janna.]
I haven't seen you in a week.
That's all I'm saying.
[Mischa.]
I have to do everything by myself with RoXY! We could have opened a month ago.
- [Janna.]
Help, Misch! Calm down, will you? - [Mischa.]
I am not calm! [door slams.]
Jan, are you alright? Who wants to come to The Rijk? - Sorry, I'm broke.
- Yeah, me too.
End of the month.
As if nobody's going to buy us a drink.
[rock music plays.]
That's what she said to me, and I said, I told you - Come on, let's go say hi.
- No, please, let's not.
Then we know for sure that we don't have to pay.
Hey, Janna.
- Hey.
- Hey, ladies.
Hello.
So, what would you like to drink? Yeah, 'cause Frank is buying.
He's going to be a dad.
- What? - Yeah.
- Congratulations.
- Congratulations.
Now he just needs to make up with his wife, right? - Well, let's celebrate.
- Shouldn't you be getting home soon? Does Natasja let you stay out this late? I'm just messing with you.
I'd like a beer.
- Yeah, me too.
- I'm Frank.
Seriously.
How many people like me does he see in a day? Kidding.
Hi.
Marly, right? Sorry about this morning.
- Hey, do you want a beer? - Yeah, sure.
- To the little demon! - Well, he's not here yet.
- Johnny is a titties man.
- Where did you get that idea, man? All your stories are all about tits.
Yeah, the story I got last time was all about tits.
Yeah, and mine was all about Swedish style.
Swedish style? What's that? - In between.
- That's Russian style.
Russian style.
In Italian we call it "coitus alle mammelle.
" - [Eva.]
Are you from Italy? - [Johnny.]
Can't you tell? Shouldn't you offer more variety with those lines? What, sorry? Hey.
Well, I mean, not all men are the same, so What turns some men on, others might hate.
Just look at the list of paraphilias.
Bro, someone's been studying hard.
- Para-what? - Special preferences.
Fetishes.
- Like masochism, exhibitionism, voyeurism.
- Yeah.
You could easily subdivide those lines into, for instance, a nurses line, an air hostess line, an S&M line.
Marly Salomon, would you please keep your big mouth shut? We did not teach you this.
- [Ronnie.]
The old hooker line.
- Yeah.
The muff line.
- Well, the gay line.
- That one is for Ronnie.
Yeah, well Research shows that one in ten men have had a homoerotic experience.
- [Janna.]
Yeah.
- One in ten? For one in forty, it's their sexual preference.
One in thirty.
One in thirty.
Hey, Ramon.
That's a lot of people.
Yeah, a lot of people.
So? Yeah, but we have 300 lines to fill, remember? And you could even subdivide into gay and lesbian.
The tomboy line.
- That's the muff line.
- [Eva.]
No.
- [Janna.]
Sure.
Why not? - [Eva.]
Tomboys aren't necessarily gay and Still looking for a job? Yes.
We could use an extra writer.
Twenty guilders per story.
[Marly.]
This is what I get for not keeping my big mouth shut.
Suddenly, creating content for 300 lines had become my problem.
I needed to come up with 20 sex stories by the end of the week.
As a test.
[disco music plays.]
I approached the project like any scientist would.
Step one: a literature review.
[moaning.]
[Mischa.]
I'm sorry, honey.
I love you.
[Marly.]
Followed by observation.
[woman.]
He wanted to take them.
MAKE-UP SEX And I said, "Fine, love, if you want to take my panties home.
" "If that's what turns you on.
" "But it'll cost you an extra 20 guilders.
" "Because I'm not a cheapo.
" [Marly.]
And field research.
Interesting.
And ultimately, all this knowledge comes together in the publication.
[knock on door.]
[Janna.]
Mar, are you coming to class? Whoa.
- You okay, miss D.
H.
Lawrence? - No.
I know nothing about sex.
Don't be silly.
- You know that book by heart.
- Yeah, that's theory.
That's not arousing.
I can't turn that into a story.
Don't take them so seriously, man.
It's not an exam, right? Yeah, you know me.
It has to be good.
[Janna laughs.]
Oh, you're right.
This is really bad.
This won't get anyone horny.
Jan.
I just don't know enough about it.
Mar, you just need to use your own fantasies.
When was the last time you fantasized about anyone? [alternative music plays.]
You see? Just write about yourself.
[guitar music plays.]
Good luck.
Thanks.
[Alexander.]
The design's by an artist called Boris van Soest.
High in demand.
Has an exposition in the Stedelijk.
Oh, really? Thanks, guys.
What this says is that this is a serious business with serious, hard-working people.
Yeah.
And we would put it here, right? - Yeah, right here.
- Uh-huh.
Hey, Alex.
Hi, I'm here to do a recording for the Bad Boys line.
Okay, you can follow me.
The studio's downstairs.
We started a gay line.
I see.
This is not included in the price for the remodeling, I guess? No, it's another thirty thousand on top.
Thirty thousand? But on a two hundred grand budget Two hundred? It will increase the value of the property.
We're renting this.
You're renting? Okay.
Hey, little brother, just in time.
You met our neighbor? Hi.
Bram Heimans.
- Ramon Stigter.
- Ramon is our technical director.
[Johnny.]
Bram here just signed up for a year.
I feel like a soccer club.
[Bram.]
Yeah, but I'm way cheaper than Van Basten.
How do you like the sound of this: "Teledutch presents a stand-up comedy line with Bram Heimans.
" How classy is that? 100,000 GUILDERS Welcome to Teledutch.
- [Johnny.]
Cheers.
- [Bram.]
Cheers.
Frank, can I talk to you for a minute? About the remodeling.
Nice to meet you.
- Frankie, hey.
- Yeah, okay.
Want to hear a joke, Brammie boy? - A joke? - Yeah.
I thought we take all decisions together.
Yes.
Is there a problem? Well, since we seem to be paying a hundred grand for a joker.
Ramon, that's my department.
I'm not interfering with yours either, with your studio and your Neumann and your Sennheiser.
You want to produce top quality too? Bram Heimans is top quality.
Do you realize what he can do for our image? Jokes.
Frank, a joke line.
With his fucking stand-up.
You think people will pay 50 cents per minute to listen to that leftist clown? - I don't think so, man.
- That's not the point.
It's about what it looks like on the ads page.
- "Teledutch Presents Bram Heimans.
" - Jesus.
[Frank.]
Yeah, I'm trying to give this company a bit of class.
Oh yeah.
And so we're restyling this joint for 200 grand because you because mister wants to buy us class? Frank, we're renting here! Have you ever listened to what's on those tapes? Like really listened to it? - You just can't see it.
- [Ramon.]
What? We're not a bunch of sex peddlers, man.
Three hundred lines is nothing.
What we're doing is the future.
There's no end to it.
In two weeks time, we'll open the renewed Teledutch.
And that's just the start.
Trust me.
Two hundred grand is nothing compared to what you and I are going to be raking in.
Frankie, come on, man.
Hey, Nien.
How about another bottle? [guitar music plays.]
Yes, Ramon Stigter for Alexander.
That mural painting in the reception is a definite go.
[Marly.]
Our fantasies tell us something about our deepest problems and desires.
Why don't you bend over, Mr.
Jansen.
That which we allow no one to see.
Yes, sir.
I've been very naughty.
Don't look at me, you miserable scuzzbucket.
Because there's nothing scarier than baring your all.
And we're recording.
[Marly.]
But there's no need to be yourself.
I'm sitting here with Monique.
And Monique works in the men's fashion department of a large chain store.
Monique, why don't you tell us what you look like? Well, I have this very long, red curly hair, down to my buttocks.
And I have big fat boobs that sit very snugly in my tight little blouse.
And at the moment, I'm wearing this really short skirt that just shows a glimpse of my buttocks.
Sometimes I can't control myself then I just have to slip into the fitting room.
Wow, Monique.
So, that's why I thought, instead of these stories, we could do interviews.
And the only thing we need is a few key words.
"Who, what, where, and when.
" So, I'm wearing, you know, this white uniform.
And underneath, I'm naked.
[Marly.]
So, to summarize, you hear a conversation between two people, but our imagination starts working, which makes it sound all the more real.
So then, you know, I rub down my body with a nice massage oil.
Yeah? And then I slowly let myself slide onto him.
[Marly.]
The number of lines we could come up with was endless.
[Janna.]
At night when the kids were asleep he came into my room.
[hot housewife.]
Yeah, right here! Take me on the counter! Oh, yes! [dominatrix.]
Don't look at me, you miserable little creature.
[woman.]
Yes, I'm coming! Fuck me! [Marly.]
It wasn't just my imagination that was stimulated.
Even the men got inspired.
Ice cold, boys.
If we're doing audio plays anyway, then why not add sound effects to them as well? Great idea.
Come here.
Cat slurping saucer of milk.
[Marly.]
And so all of the Netherlands was jerking off to the sound of a pussycat slurping up a saucer of milk.
[woman.]
Open your mouth.
[Marly.]
Or the sound of [woman.]
Let me pee in your mouth.
That's so good.
Okay, so we'll record two couples at the same time, and we'll pretend that they're swingers.
Marly, what do you think? All of a sudden, I'd become the expert.
Or, as Frank called it, the sexpert.
Yeah, okay.
And we'll call it the the couples club? Yeah.
- Good one.
- [Ramon.]
Yeah, that's a good one.
[cheers.]
- [TV presenter.]
Gezellig spel, hè? - [contestant.]
Nou, een zenuwenspel.
Blauw.
Prima.
- O, wacht effe, - Nee, we doen niks.
- [contestant.]
Deze kant.
- [TV presenter.]
Ik doe niks.
Wit.
Beetje hier.
Jij gooien.
Hey.
You're up again.
Can I get you anything? My body back.
- [TV presenter.]
Niet zo hard gooien.
- [contestant.]
Niet zo hard gooien.
[contestants scream.]
[TV presenter.]
Ga door.
Rood.
I've got something for you.
[TV presenter.]
 Jij moet gooien.
We zijn er bijna.
Bijna.
This was Lucas' first little sock.
I think he wore it only once before he'd outgrown it.
[TV presenter.]
Eva Ja! [calm piano music plays.]
This is what you're doing it for.
[flight captain.]
 U heeft een droomreis gewonnen, naar Los Angeles en New York.
En voor dit geweldige avontuur krijgt u nog extra duizend gulden mee.
Merci.
Hartelijk dank.
En ik wens je een fijne Zij gaan naar Los Angeles.
Pas op de champagne.
[Frank.]
Welcome to the Teledutch Drive-In Show Extravaganza! This is how Ramon and I first went into business together.
I was 16.
I was 14.
Ramon was 14, and with our own DJ drive-in set, we did the rounds at village fêtes.
And especially for you guys tonight, we've dusted off our old set and we'll play, for one night only, no naughty sex tapes but bad records! Yeah! To salut the renewed Teledutch with all of you.
It may have been a hundred grand more expensive.
Yeah, very funny.
But holy shit, Alexander, it turned out so beautiful.
You are a true artist.
I would like to I would like to thank a few more people, of course.
Without you guys You would be a couple of broke fuckers! Johnny.
Johnny, you had the guts to invest in us when no one else could see what we were about.
Thank you.
Hey, Tsjibbe, where you at? Tsjibbe! Boom.
And Ronnie, our amazing sound engineer.
Thank you so much.
He's single, gentlemen.
Hey.
- Not really funny.
But whatever.
- Not really.
Nina.
The face of Teledutch.
And last but not least, Ramon.
[applause.]
[man.]
Ramon! Brother, this adventure is not my adventure, it's our adventure.
I couldn't have done it without you.
Thank you.
[cheering and applause.]
Oh, wait.
I'm totally forgetting someone.
And that's all of you working to record those dirty tapes.
Give it up for DJ Ramon! [party music plays.]
Do you know how I know that there is no God? By our genitals.
Look, the perfect God, right? Who supposedly created man in his own image, simply couldn't be responsible for something like the ball sack.
No? Not a funny joke? I'll soon be recording for one of those lines and I thought I'd test it out, but - I'm laughing on the inside.
- Oh, okay, right.
Well, actually, it's not even one of mine, it's No, it's one of Nietzsche's.
What have we got here? So you're not only pretty, but He phrased it with less humor.
Who'd have thought that in this Sodom and Gomorrah, I'd meet a like-minded soul this evening.
Well.
- Want to dance? - Yeah.
Frankie.
Frank.
Take one.
Go on.
Oh, party.
- Cheers.
- Cheers, Johnny.
Pretty lady.
A bit young, maybe? So, I guess this is your choice.
Do I have a choice? Anouk is pregnant, remember? She kicked me out, you know? There's a whole army of people looking after her, including Ramon and me, 24/7.
And you do nothing.
Here.
A small gift.
You could put it on your dick before you knock her up too.
Hey, I've got to go.
- We'll talk later.
- Bye.
Are you happy with the new artwork? Absolutely.
It's just what the business needed.
Thank you.
That's great.
Hey, I'm going home to relieve babysitter.
Are you staying? - Yeah.
- Okay.
- Sorry.
I'm Natasja, Ramon's wife.
- Alexander.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Alexander did the interior decorating.
Wow, amazing work.
Our house is in bad need of a makeover.
Maybe we can hire you.
Yeah, sure.
It was a joy working with Ramon.
Well, I don't make the decisions at home.
- Why don't you go ahead? Yeah? - Okay.
- I'll take a cab home.
Don't worry.
- Have fun then.
It's really amazing, guys.
She seems nice, man.
Yeah.
So, when's the RoXY opening up? Maybe I could drop by sometime? - Don't bother.
- Don't bother? I I really can't help you, Ramon.
I know what it's like.
I've been there.
And I think you're great, but I don't feel like going through that same hell again.
So if you want to, then do it for you, not for me or anyone else.
But do it.
Otherwise it will tear you apart.
[calm music plays.]
[Marly.]
Sexual attraction is a mysterious phenomenon.
[party music plays.]
It goes far beyond a person's appearance.
Was it matching pheromones? His scent? The fact that someone as famous as him was the only one who took notice of me? Made me laugh? I'm sure I would have gone home with him.
The problem with men is that they notoriously say the wrong thing.
Feel like coming home with me tonight? [Marly.]
So far, so good.
I've never done it with a Black woman before.
No.
Sorry.
No.
Sorry? Why sorry? Why do you want to have sex a Black woman so badly? Is it different? Please enlighten me because I can't do special tricks with my cunt, if that's what you think.
And I know nothing about unusual Surinamese positions, and I won't do any limbo dancing on your cock.
Are you still interested, Bram? [Frank.]
Guys, I completely forgot to thank Marly.
Our own sexpert.
Give it up for Marly! [Marly.]
My mother always said every person has a role to play in life.
But the challenge is to discover what your role might be.
And this one is for Ronnie.
[party music plays.]
Come on people let us use our [Marly.]
I'd become so good at hiding who I was that I thought I was a mere extra in the lives of others.
Somebody tell me now Believe in destiny [Marly.]
And that all changed the moment I dared being loud again.
Why, tell me why Tell me why, tell me why do I pray Extremely loud.
Why, tell me why Tell me why, tell me why do I pray I hope that freedom Soon will come our way Somebody tell me now MEN ONLY [acoustic music plays.]
[man.]
without seeing you, I can feel your hands on my body.
I rake my nails down your back.
I pull you close.
I place my hand on your pants and feel your cock slowly go hard.
[piano music plays.]
[phone dial tone sounds.]
[Anouk.]
This is Anouk's answering machine.
[Frank.]
And Frank's.
[Anouk.]
And Frank's too.
Please leave your message after the [Frank.]
Beep.
[phone beeps.]
Hey, Poekie.
It's me.
[Anouk.]
Frank? Please come home.
[disco music plays.]
[woman.]
Yes! There! Oh, go on! Oh, I love it.
Come on.
Go on.
Deeper! Harder! Go on! Yes! Yeah!