Doctor Who (2023) s01e03 Episode Script
Boom
1
[SOLDIER 1] Patrol B returning to base,
following Grade 1 encounter.
Two survivors, one injury.
ETA, 20 minutes.
[SCANNER BEEPING]
[COMM CHIMES]
[SOLDIER 2 ON COMM]
Have you done your teeth?
Yes.
[SOLDIER 2] Well, I need
to smell your minty breath.
[EXHALES]
Oh, you little liar.
Teeth, now.
How can you smell my
breath over the comm?
[CHUCKLES]
Dad skills, that's how.
- [SCANNER BEEPING]
- Wait a mo.
[COMM BEEPS]
How are we doing?
Less than a mile from base camp.
But we're right in the middle
of a minefield.
And there were no mines here yesterday.
All right, then. They must
have migrated again.
Fog's bad too.
It's just fog.
Some of the men think
the Kastarions are in the fog.
Like they're made of fog.
That's why we never see them.
Carson, the fog's been analysed,
and it's just fog.
[COMM CHIMES]
- Oh. [GRUNTS]
- [COMM BEEPS]
Hey. I'm really close.
Find Mundy and get her
to put you to bed.
And do your teeth.
All right. Kiss kiss.
Kiss kiss.
- [SCANNER CONTINUES BEEPING]
- Carson.
Due north's our best bet.
But
I think there might be an ambulance.
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
I'll be fine.
- Come on.
- [SCOFFS]
I'm just asking you
to switch patrols with me.
It's not exactly loaves
and fishes, is it?
Uh, I'm not a bishop.
- I'm not allowed.
- You're a verger.
I don't have the divinity.
- Mundy.
- [SIGHS] Give us a minute, love.
Hey, Canto!
Listen, seriously.
As God is my witness,
on my soul eternal
I'll let you see my tattoo.
Your tattoo?
It's not on general view,
which makes it more exciting given
the romantic tension between us.
[SIGHS]
Look, I'm only doing this because
I want you to stop annoying me.
Great. Thank you.
Thanks. Thanks a million.
- What's up, Splice?
- Oi!
What?
Tattoo?
Sorry. It's on Posh Graham.
I finished it yesterday.
You'll love it. [CHUCKLES]
You should be nice to Canto.
He likes you.
No, he doesn't.
- I was just joking about that.
- He's not joking.
Where's your dad?
[SCANNER BEEPING]
[SCANNER CHIMING]
What's wrong?
Ambulance. Dead ahead.
[SOLDIER 2 SIGHS] Okay.
Sir, respectfully, your eyes.
- It might detect the injury.
- Yeah. Well, it might help me then.
- [SCANNER BEEPING]
- Sir, the algorithm is haywire right now.
You know what happened to Wilson.
The algorithm's been upgraded.
No. They ran out of money.
[SIGHS] Look, it doesn't matter.
We have to keep moving.
We don't have a choice.
[BEEPING CONTINUES]
[SIGHS] Okay, okay. Hold there.
I guess it could be dormant.
It's a long way from the fighting.
Well, they're combat activated.
They power down when
there's nothing going on,
but their sensors stay active.
You know, I'm not even
sure it's [GRUNTS]
[GROANING]
Carson! Carson, where are you?
- [CARSON] It's [STAMMERS]
- Are you okay?
- It's fine. It's fine. I'm okay.
- [GRUNTS]
I'm not injured. [STAMMERS]
Just stay where you are.
I'll just
[BEEPING]
Carson!
Carson!
[DEVICE BEEPING]
[PANTS]
Combat detected. Combat detected.
Combat detected.
Combat detected.
Combat detected.
Patient acquired.
Sharp scratch.
- You're doing very well.
- [GRUNTS, PANTS]
Patient name: John Francis Vater.
Calendar age: 42 years.
Vital signs in normal range.
Blood pressure: high.
Cardiac function: good.
Liver mildly inflamed.
- Diagnosis: blind.
- [DEVICE BEEPS]
I'm not blind. My vision
is temporarily impaired.
[BATTLE NURSE] Eyesight
recovery time estimated
- [DEVICE BEEPING]
- four weeks.
Evaluation: unacceptable.
Combat medical: failed.
Listen to me. I have
a child at base camp.
Check my records!
My next of kin, Splice,
she's my daughter,
and I'm exclusively responsible for her.
Please! Check my records.
Leave a message at the tone.
[TONE BEEPS]
Kiss kiss.
- Next of kin: informed.
- [MESSAGE WHOOSHES]
The Villengard Corporation would like
to extend its deepest condolences
on your upcoming loss.
Thoughts and prayers.
Sharp scratch.
[GRUNTS, SCREAMS]
Did you hear that?
[RUBY] Give me a sec.
Someone's in trouble.
Stay there!
Okay, coming.
Doctor?
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
Doctor!
[DOCTOR] Speed, bonny boat
like a bird on the wing ♪
Doctor?
[DOCTOR] Onward, the sailors cry ♪
Carry the lad that's born to be king ♪
Doctor.
[DOCTOR] Over the sea to Skye ♪
Doctor, is that you?
[DOCTOR, ECHOES] Everything's fine.
Who said it wasn't?
[DOCTOR] Completely fine.
[BREATHES SHAKILY]
Come toward my voice.
And watch where you put your feet.
Loud the wind howls
loud the waves roar ♪
Thunderclaps rend the air ♪
Why are you singing?
It's "The Skye Boat Song".
Like it?
[GASPS]
I didn't ask what you were singing.
I asked why.
I'm getting my zen on.
My landmine zen.
[GASPS]
I need you to describe to me
what I'm standing on.
Fairly sure I know,
but details are important,
and I can't risk looking down.
The sensors are on hair trigger.
Why hasn't it set off already
when you stepped on it?
Impact activates the sensors.
Now it's confirming
if there's a live target on it.
One wrong move, and boom
[GASPS]
[BREATHES SHAKILY]
I go all food mixer.
[BEEPING]
[PANTS]
Mmm. Where are we?
In the middle of a war.
Oh, I was kind of hoping for a beach.
Yeah, what do you think this is?
It's not a beach.
Ah, give it time.
Everywhere is a beach eventually.
Okay. I'm down.
I'm about ten feet directly behind you.
Look at my right foot.
Describe what I'm standing on.
It's a sort of disc.
A white disc. It's really thin.
It's got lights around the edge,
round the rim. Green lights.
[DOCTOR] Okay.
Okay, very slowly, very
carefully, move around me,
and tell me if there's
a gap in the light.
It's not gone off yet.
So I think there's a gap.
Hoping for quite a big one.
Why does a landmine have lights on it?
[GROANS] Capitalism.
Excuse me?
Flashy lights play well in a showroom.
Modern warfare. Death by salesman.
I found the gap.
It's right under your foot,
in front of ya.
How big is it?
[RUBY] Four fingers.
Okay.
Well, that's, um that's better
than two fingers, for instance.
Is there a V on it?
Yeah.
V for victory?
Villengard.
V for Villengard.
Biggest weapons manufacturer
in recorded history.
Supplied all sides in all conflicts
for the past two centuries
in the sector.
Had to deactivate one of these
once. At a lesbian gymkhana.
Underwater, for a bet.
Except it wasn't live,
and I wasn't standing on it.
And I lost that bet.
Sorry. Wrong moment for this story.
First things first.
Someone was screaming.
It came from directly up there.
Can you check and see
if anyone needs help?
- You need help.
- I'm not even screaming yet.
Priorities.
- [SIGHS]
- You'll need to go the long way round.
And watch your step.
[RUBY BREATHES HEAVILY]
While you're up there, see if
you can see anything heavy.
A good-sized rock or something.
I cannot keep standing on one leg.
But if I put my other foot
down on the ground,
it will shift my weight.
I need to counterbalance.
I need to increase
the weight on the mine
at the exact moment I decrease it.
Well, it's gonna be tricky.
It's gonna be a moment, yeah.
Anyone there?
Uh [STAMMERS] no.
Nothing. Just a flashy light thing.
Hang on.
[DOCTOR] Found something?
[RUBY] A weird thing.
If it's a heavy weird thing, bring it.
- [DRONES FLYING OVERHEAD]
- [GASPING]
[DOCTOR] It's okay! It's okay!
You're fine. Don't worry.
Just vacuum drones, that's all.
Hoovering up the smoke
so that nobody can choke to death
before they are safely shot.
Oh. Okay, I suppose that's
[GASPS]
[DOCTOR] What's wrong?
Ruby, have you seen something?
[GASPS]
Oh.
Oh, Ruby, I'm sorry. I forgot.
- Your first time on a new planet.
- [GASPS]
[DOCTOR] It flips your
stomach, doesn't it?
A brand-new sky.
We're on Kastarion 3,
going by the rings next door.
- Decent enough. Seven out of ten.
- [GIGGLES]
Good trees. Great mountains.
Rainbow crystal.
Ah, wait until you see
the dawn. [CHUCKLES]
Mind you, this place is basically empty.
Who'd pick a fight round here?
Okay, I've got a heavy thing.
I think this is an urn or something.
But it's kind of gross.
- What is it?
- Never mind.
[RUBY] What do you mean, "never mind"?
Tell me what you're not telling me.
Okay.
Okay, that isn't an urn.
There isn't a body inside of that.
That is a body.
That is a dead body.
Compressed somehow. Like
it's been, I don't know, smelted.
[RUBY] Seriously?
I heard a scream. I guess it was that.
He was being smelted?
It's a good word, smelted, isn't it?
Not at the moment.
I never used the word "smelted"
before. It's never come up.
New planet, new word, landmine.
[CHUCKLES] Ooh, I am having a day.
Are you getting scared?
'Cause you're just babbling now.
Toss it in your hand.
That thing, toss it in your
hand and catch it, please.
- Okay, that's about the right weight.
- About?
Okay, it's exactly 6.732217 kilograms.
I was trying not to show off.
Throw it to me.
- No.
- Throw it to my right hand.
I need to use it to counterbalance.
I'm gonna catch it at the exact moment
I put my left foot down on the ground.
I understand, but it's too unstable.
- Let me give it to you.
- No.
You'll have a much better chance
if I just put it in your hand.
If it goes wrong, you will
be caught in the blast.
Well, let's get it right then. [SIGHS]
Ruby, I forbid this.
Yeah, good luck with that.
You don't understand.
This is a smart-mine.
It is monitoring anything,
any significant change.
I get too worried about you,
and my blood pressure goes up,
and I don't know how much leeway I have.
[RUBY] Best not to worry then.
So how are we gonna do this?
Count of three?
- Please listen to me.
- No arguing, Doctor.
Blood pressure.
[BEEPING]
[SIGHS]
Ruby, if this doesn't work
- [INHALES SHARPLY] You are brave.
- [RUBY] Mmm.
- And you are wonderful.
- [CHUCKLES]
And I forgive you for
being incredibly stupid.
[BEEPING]
Good then.
And if it does work,
I'm gonna be very cross at you
for a very, very long time.
[CLICKS TONGUE] Not that long, babes.
- You're standing on a landmine.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
[DOCTOR GROANS]
[BREATHES SHAKILY]
- Count of three?
- Okay, no, wait.
Um [STAMMERS] I n-need
something more rhythmic.
Um, I need a beat, like
like a song. Sing the song.
- The song? The song.
- The song.
"Over the sea to Skye". That's
the last line. On the word "Skye"
I love that song. It's about
Bonnie Prince Charlie.
- I know, it's sweet. Let's go.
- It's sweet, and it's sad.
And it's about soldiers fighting.
But it's sad, like a lullaby.
And that's right, isn't it?
Songs about soldiers should
be sad, don't you think?
Okay, Doctor. I'm ready. Stop babbling.
- Okay.
- [SIGHS]
Okay, Ruby, shall we dance?
[SNAPPING]
Speed, bonny boat
like a bird on the wing ♪
Onward, the sailors cry ♪
Carry the lad that's born to be king ♪
[TOGETHER] Over the sea to Skye ♪
- [RUBY CHUCKLES, GROANS]
- [BREATHES SHAKILY, GROANS]
[BEEPING]
- [SIGHS, LAUGHS]
- [SIGHS] Okay, okay.
- Okay.
- [CHUCKLES]
[DOCTOR SIGHS, BREATHES HEAVILY]
Okay, okay. The lights are moving.
That's okay. That's
all right. It's fine.
It's the after-effect. It's my
adrenaline. I just need to focus.
- I just need to relax.
- They're still moving.
Maybe don't keep mentioning that.
[PANTS]
I went down to the beach
and there she stood,
dark and tall, at the edge of the wood.
"The sky's too big.
I'm scared", I cried.
She replied, "Young man,
don't you know there's more to life
than the moon and the president's wife?"
[BEEPING]
Okay. Okay. I think that's it.
[SNIFFLES]
[SIGHS] That was close.
- [CHUCKLES] No margin for error.
- [EXHALES]
You know what's really great
about no margin for error?
- No more errors.
- [CHUCKLES]
Thank you, "John Francis Vater".
Hello. I'm John Francis Vater, deceased.
Apologies for your loss.
Oh, voice-activated.
These are my mortal remains.
At your convenience,
please return them to my parents,
Agnes and Millicent Vater.
Address will be supplied on request.
Hey, John. Am I talking to an AI?
I'm an approximate AI reconstruction
of the deceased John Vater.
Signature elements
of my former personality
have been incorporated
into this interface.
Kiss kiss.
[CHUCKLES] What happened to you, John?
I was humanely terminated
on the discovery
of the fatal condition, blindness.
Blindness isn't fatal.
You literally just said that
to a dead blind guy.
Who terminated you, John?
I was spared further
suffering by a Villengard
Automated Ambulance Unit.
My recovery was estimated as
beyond acceptable parameters
for a conflict as budgeted.
- Sorry. Killed by an ambulance?
- [DOCTOR] Life is cheap.
Patients are expensive.
- The Villengard algorithm.
- The what?
Villengard battle products
are fitted with AI.
The algorithm maintains a fighting force
at just above the acceptable
number of casualties.
Keeps you fighting, keeps
you dying, keeps you buying.
Medical services optimise the casualty
rate for continued conflict.
War is business, and
business is booming.
[GASPS]
Good to meet you, John.
- Kiss kiss.
- [SPLICE] Daddy?
[GASPS]
- [EXPLOSIONS IN DISTANCE]
- Is my daddy there? I heard him.
H-Hello. [CHUCKLES] Hello, up there.
You okay? You need help?
I'm looking for my daddy.
[SIGHS] How did you
- Why did you come here?
- [SPLICE] He sent me a message.
I can read a geo-stamp.
Where is he? Where's
my daddy? I heard him.
Shouldn't you be tucked up in bed?
What's a little kid like you
doing out in a nasty war like this?
My dad got special
permission to bring me.
Oh, that's good, isn't it? [CHUCKLES]
'Cause my mummy got gathered up.
She got what? G-Gathered?
She got gathered up by God.
He loved her so much that
he gathered her up early
so she can be in heaven
with him like an angel.
We'll see her again one day,
Daddy explained.
Where is Daddy?
Uh, this is Ruby.
- And my name is the Doctor.
- [CHUCKLES]
- The Doctor isn't a name.
- [DOCTOR] Yeah.
[LAUGHS] And I'm not even a doctor.
[LAUGHS] People don't
usually bring that up.
You're good already.
- I'm Splice.
- Great name. I love it!
- Just Splice or
- Splice Alison Vater.
Splice Alison Vater,
you have been identified
- as the next of kin of John Francis Vater.
- Daddy!
I am an AI reconstruction
of your deceased parent.
- Apologies for your loss.
- [RUBY] No.
- Let's grieve together. Come to
- No. Wait!
- Dad!
- [RUBY] Wait!
- [GRUNTS]
- [SPLICE] Daddy!
Let go of me! Get off me!
No, no! Please, Splice.
- If I'm causing distress
- [DOCTOR] Ruby.
- [RUBY] Please! No.
- perhaps I should come back later.
- [GRUNTING]
- Kiss kiss.
Dad!
[RUBY GRUNTS]
- [SPLICE] Let go of me!
- Ruby.
- [GRUNTS]
- Look at his foot!
- Look at what he's standing on.
- [DOCTOR PANTING]
You see that? [GRUNTS]
See what he's standing on?
- [PANTING]
- [BEEPING]
- [RUBY] Okay?
- [BREATHING HEAVILY]
Doctor, you okay?
It's just an adrenaline rush.
Just gotta control it.
[SIGHS] It's going down.
Down, let's move it down.
Down, down, down, down, down.
Slide it down.
[EXHALES]
Doctor. What's happening?
[BREATHING HEAVILY] Me.
I'm happening.
[GASPS] I'm the explosive.
- [THUD]
- [MUNDY] You are in my sights!
- I can drop you where you stand.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[MUNDY] Do you understand?
Signal your understanding.
- Signal your understanding!
- I understand!
Please! I understand.
He's on a landmine.
He's standing right on one.
Ma'am, I'm fully apprised
of what he's standing on.
- Splice, you okay down there?
- I'm here, Mundy.
I'm trying to find Daddy.
I saw him. He was a
hologram. Where is he?
Sir, my name is Mundy Flynn.
I'm an ordained Anglican Marine.
What are you doing out here?
Are you
civilians?
- Anglican what?
- Great name, Mundy Flynn.
You should marry Ruby.
Then you'll be Mundy Sunday.
Go on, get married. I'd laugh every day.
What's an Anglican Marine?
Since when was the Church an army?
Since most of your history.
You've been living in a blip.
Sir, the casket in your right hand.
Are you aware those
are the sacred remains
- of an ordained Anglican?
- [COMM CHIMES]
Are you aware your face is ringing?
[SPLICE GRUNTING]
[COMM BEEPS]
Did you like the tattoo?
What? I geo-stamped you.
I know where you are.
Get back to the compound.
- You're giving me orders now?
- What? I'm not giving you orders.
I'm worried. Fog drones have been out.
The Kastarions could
be planning an attack.
[SCOFFS] Shut up, you're worried.
You don't even like me.
- Of course I
- [COMM BEEPS]
Okay, this idiot little war.
Who are you fighting?
The Kastarions.
Yeah? The Kastarions?
[CHUCKLES] Go on. Tell
me about the Kastarions.
- We've never seen them.
- Excuse me?
[MUNDY] They're in the mud.
Well, that's what we think.
Some of us.
- Or the fog.
- What, sentient mud?
- Sir, I do not have time for this.
- Seriously?
Do you know how ridiculous you sound?
I've met sentient mud. Lovely girls.
Grumpy, yeah,
but you try laying around with
your face full of mammals all day.
- Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you
- [GUN WHIRS]
to let go of that casket.
- Just let it fall.
- [RUBY] No!
If he drops the casket,
it'll trigger the landmine.
- It'll kill him!
- He's dead already.
Sir, when you stepped on that mine,
you triggered a countdown.
It's now trying to assess whether
it's acquired a viable target.
If it can't within a specified
time, it fails safe.
It blows anyway.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Drop the casket.
Immolation. How does it work?
There's no explosive
in this landmine, right?
Immolation triggers a quantum-level
chain reaction in the subject's DNA.
You are the explosive.
I'm a Time Lord.
- Not a human, I'm a Time Lord
- [FIRES]
- [STRAINS, PANTS]
- [RUBY] Doctor!
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
I am a higher-dimension life form.
I am a complex space-time event.
I'm Anglican.
- [FIRES]
- [STRAINS]
No, no! Stop it!
[MACHINE WHIRRING]
[DOCTOR BREATHING HEAVILY]
I'm a much bigger bang
than you bargained for.
I'm a lot more explosive than I look,
and, honey,
I know how I look.
Put a quantum chain reaction through me,
and I will shatter this silly little
battlefield of yours into dust.
[BEEPING]
All of it.
In a heartbeat, into dust.
- That's not possible.
- Everything is possible.
Everything is possible.
Everywhere is a beach eventually.
Scan me.
Scan me. See for yourself.
[GUN POWERS DOWN]
[SCANNER WARBLES, BEEPING]
You could blow up half of this planet.
- [ALERT BEEPING]
- Combat detected. Combat detected.
- [DOCTOR] Shoot it!
- Combat detected.
[MUNDY] The algorithm won't let me!
- What is that thing?
- Combat detected.
- Is it a robot? Doctor, what is that?
- [MUNDY] It's an ambulance.
- Combat detected.
- [RUBY] It's a what?
- [STAMMERS] How is that an ambulance?
- Stop it.
- Patient acquired.
- Please, stop it.
- Patient acquired.
- You've got to stop that thing.
Patient acquired. Hold still.
- Daddy!
- Hello, Daughter Splice,
can I assist you with
any persistent regrets?
- [BATTLE NURSE] Sharp scratch.
- Daddy!
- [GROANS, WINCES]
- [GASPS]
Would you like to look
at some old photographs
to remember the good times?
Patient name. Patient
name unknown. Unidentified.
- [EXHALES HEAVILY]
- Vital signs. Vital signs. Vi-Vital signs.
- [GASPING]
- No, he's not human!
[BREATHES DEEPLY] Get it off me!
- [YELPS]
- Vi-Vital signs.
- [GROANS]
- Combat!
"Combat is detected".
That's what she said!
- Give me the gun.
- What are you doing?
Combat! Can't you hear
that lovely combat?
- [GASPS]
- [RUBY] Combat, right this way! Combat!
- Combat! Combat!
- [MUNDY] Stay right here, okay?
Look! That's when we saw the antelope!
Combat detected. Combat detected.
Combat detected.
Wait!
Shoot me. It needs to detect
an injury, or it won't triage.
- Shoot me.
- No, I can't!
It's fine. I put it on setting one.
- Just do my arm or something.
- I can't.
You really have to. Come on!
You can do it!
Shoot me a little bit. Just do my arm.
[PANTS]
- Left one, please.
- Yeah, sorry.
[LASER FIRE]
[GASPS]
[SHOUTS]
Oh, my God! Oh, my God.
[PANTS] Are you okay?
[BATTLE NURSE] Patient acquired.
- Patient acquired.
- Ruby. Ruby, can you hear me?
- [PANTING] Doctor, what's happening?
- [BATTLE NURSE] Sharp scratch.
She was gonna shoot you. I saw her.
[BATTLE NURSE] Patient identified.
Ruby Sunday.
Calendar age: 3082 years.
Next of kin.
Next of kin.
Next of kin Next of Next of kin.
- Next of kin. Next of kin. Next of kin.
- Who Who is my next of kin?
[RUBY CRYING]
Next of kin. Next of kin. Next of kin.
Next of kin. Next of kin.
Next of kin. Next of kin.
- Next of kin.
- That's not possible.
- Next of kin.
- It doesn't snow here. It never snows.
No, it's Ruby. This has happened before.
Next of Next of kin.
Just please tell me who it is.
It's good, it's good. The snow is good.
While there's snow, there's ho
[RUMBLING]
[CANTO] It stopped. How can it do that?
How can it just stop?
[BATTLE NURSE] Vital signs failing.
Mortality estimate: 432 seconds.
[BEEPING]
Patient non-ordained.
- Treatment withheld.
- [DOCTOR PANTING]
She was gonna shoot you.
I don't understand.
It doesn't matter. Look at the readings.
If that mine blows, it blows everything.
[DOCTOR] I went down to
the beach, there she stood,
dark and tall, edge of the wood.
"The sky's too big.
I'm scared", I cried.
She replied, "Young man, don't
you know there's more to life
- than the moon and the president's wife?"
- [MUNDY] Sir.
Sir, please.
I've scanned the device. I've
ran the numbers. You're right.
You're gonna blow a really
big hole in everything.
You could wipe out every Anglican here.
Please, what do we do?
Ruby.
[MUNDY] We're doing everything we can.
[CANTO] I'm reconfiguring
the ambulance protocols.
It could revive her,
but it's not programmed
to assist non-believers.
[MUNDY] Sir, the mine is cycling
down to the end of the countdown.
We've got five minutes.
Probably less. Please.
What can we do?
Surrender.
- Excuse me?
- Surrender.
Lose.
Give in.
[MUNDY] Even if that were
possible, which it isn't,
even if I had the divinity
to authorise that,
it wouldn't switch off the landmine.
Yes, it would.
Why?
Because it's your landmine.
[ALERT CHIMES]
[BATTLE NURSE] Patient death
imminent. Thoughts and prayers.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
Ruby, stop that. Hang on
in there. I still need you.
I can't think unless I'm talking,
and I can only talk to you.
Mundy thinks that she's fighting
the Kastarions. What do you think?
You figured it out yet?
[CHUCKLES] I don't think
Mundy's figured it out.
Figured what out?
So this lot, Ruby, they came
here, what, six months ago?
They set up their defences and
fired their warning shots into the air.
"Watch out. We come in peace".
Yeah?
We advertised our presence.
It's standard procedure.
[LAUGHS]
Do you hear that, Ruby?
They advertised their presence.
And do you know what that does?
Ruby, that-that activates
the Villengard algorithm.
The acceptable casualty rate algorithm.
Keeps you dying, keeps you buying. Huh?
Do you get it? Huh, do you get it?
Do you get Do you get it? [PANTS]
Do you get it?
Do you get-get-get it?
There's nobody else here.
You declared war on an empty planet.
There are no Kastarions in the
mud. They're not in the fog.
There are no Kastarions.
Just the algorithm
maintaining an acceptable casualty
rate in the face of nothing at all.
You are fighting your own hardware.
And it is killing you
at just the right amount
to keep you buying more.
I mean, most armies would notice that
they were fighting smoke and shadows,
but not this lot, Ruby.
You know why? 'Cause they have faith.
- Shut up!
- Faith!
The magic word that keeps you
never having to think for yourself.
Just surrender, Mundy.
Just stop
and it's all over.
Prove it.
What, seriously?
Now you need proof, faith girl?
[MUNDY] Only the bishop
can declare a surrender,
and the bishop will need proof.
- Oh. John Francis Vater, father and AI.
- Yes, sir.
I need you to download yourself
into the Villengard battle computer
and find proof that the
planet is uninhabited
and that the casualty rate
is hardware driven.
Send it to the scanner
in Mundy Flynn's hand.
Apologies. That is not possible.
I am not connected to the network.
No, but the ambulance is. And
the ambulance is connected to me.
And I am connected to you.
Shut up and google.
That is against my
digital protocol, sir.
Listen to me.
However little is left of you,
you are still a father.
Dad to dad, you never
let them down, right?
Ever.
To the end, right?
Dad to dad, dust to dust. Am I right?
Sir, he can't. He's just an AI simulant.
I'll be back. Do your teeth.
How much of the countdown left?
Three minutes maybe.
Thoughts and prayers.
[CANTO, QUIETLY] That will do that.
- How's it going?
- There are safeguards. Hush.
[DEVICE BEEPING]
I saw your tattoo.
- What?
- The The one you did on Posh Graham.
It was beautiful.
- You checked out my tattoo on Posh Graham?
- Of course.
- Why?
- I wanted to see it.
But why?
Why did you even come out here?
Why were you looking for me?
Canto.
Do you like me?
Of course, I like you.
Everyone knows that I like you.
Except Posh Graham,
who now thinks I like him.
It was on his upper thigh.
You could've warned me.
[CHUCKLES]
Hang on.
Does that mean you like me?
Defences. Defences.
What is it? What is happening?
[COUGHS] Canto, talk to me.
Are you all right?
[CANTO] I'm fine. How are you?
Where are you? I can't
Are you injured?
- [CANTO] I'm fine. How are you?
- [MUNDY] I'm okay.
Just shock.
Canto.
[SIGHS] Canto.
[CANTO] You are identified
as Mundy Flynn,
my designated favourite person.
Here's a personal message
recorded just for you.
If anything happens to me,
I want you to know that
I love you.
And honestly, it's okay that [SIGHS]
you don't love me back.
[CRIES]
Sorry. Yeah.
[DOCTOR] I'm sorry about your friend.
[SNIFFLES] It was my fault.
I distracted him.
[DOCTOR] It was nothing to do with you.
It was the algorithm breach.
The Villengard algorithm
is protecting itself.
The ambulance killed him.
[AMBULANCES] Thoughts and
prayers. Thoughts and prayers.
[REPEATING] Thoughts and prayers.
We sent Daddy in there,
and it's fighting back. Look.
Of course. Of course, there's security.
There's a firewall. Why
didn't I think of that?
What's happening?
The algorithm will do anything
it can to protect itself.
- Anything at all.
- [JOHN] Antelope.
- Ante Antelope.
- John.
Antelope. I saw antelope.
We saw antelope.
We saw the antelope together.
I-I remember! I remember, Daddy!
Antelope. We saw antelope.
Antelope. Sorry.
Tell her to run, John! Tell
your daughter to run now!
- Dad to dad.
- I'm safe with Daddy.
Safe Safe Antelope
Safe Can't Can't Ante
- [BATTLE NURSE] A
- [JOHN] Dad
A-Any attempt to interfere
with the Villengard algorithm
will be met with severe fines.
[DOCTOR] Where is John Francis Vater?
The AI known as John Francis Vater
has been identified
as a hostile data virus
and permanently deleted.
Thoughts and prayers.
[LANDMINE] Attention.
This landmine will induce
fail-safe immolation shortly.
If you are not the selected
target, please stand clear.
- Run. Start running.
- There's no point.
- [LANDMINE] Final countdown commencing.
- Both of you! Run!
- [LANDMINE] Ten, nine
- We'd never get far enough.
- eight
- Where's my daddy?
- seven
- I'm not leaving without my daddy.
- And I'm not leaving you, munchkin.
- six
- I'm so sorry, then. This is it.
- five, four
[DOCTOR] I'm so sorry, Ruby.
- three
- I am so, so sorry.
two,
one.
- [PANTS]
- [LANDMINE] Kiss kiss.
[BATTLE NURSE] Antelope Dad
to dad Dust to dust Dust
Kiss kiss.
- Virus alert. Virus a
- Kiss kiss.
[AMBULANCES] Kiss kiss.
Kiss kiss. Kiss kiss.
Kiss kiss. Kiss kiss. Kiss kiss.
Patient acquired.
Patient acquired.
Patient acquired.
Sharp scratch.
Revivification protocol initiated.
[GASPING, COUGHING]
- [GASPS, CHUCKLES]
- [GASPS]
[LANDMINE] Kiss kiss.
Kiss kiss. [CHIRPING]
- Kiss kiss.
- How?
[GROANS, GRUNTS] Ruby, Ruby.
- You okay? Yeah? [GROANS]
- [PANTING]
- [CHUCKLES]
- What's happening?
Your father, who art in heaven.
- A kind of heaven anyway.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
Antelope Do your teeth Antelope.
- [DOCTOR] The Villengard algorithm.
- [GASPS]
The whole Villengard
arms industry, all of it,
just got beaten up
by this little kid's dad!
- Doctor.
- Ah! Ruby! Ruby!
Ah, why are you lying around
missing all the good stuff?
A war just got switched off
and very possibly sent
to bed without its supper.
I don't What happened?
Well, it's, uh It's kind
of hard to sum up.
I think if I had a diary,
it would be a little bit
too exciting for words.
I think I could write it with drums.
Can you write a diary
in drums? I bet I could.
- Uh, wait [CHUCKLES]
- [CHUCKLES, IMITATING DRUMS]
October the 5th!
I sent this girl's dad into the
software just for a look around.
Just looking for proof, and
he must have been very cross.
Because now, the whole
Villengard mainframe
has been taken down by parent power.
[IMITATES EXPLOSION]
[GASPS, CHUCKLES]
Basically, Villengard Basically,
just wait till Daddy gets home.
[SIGHS]
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Right, enough of that.
Moving on. Come on, Ruby.
No. Hang on. We've had, like,
two minutes of the awesome.
Yeah, two minutes. No lingering.
Plenty more universe to see.
And quite frankly, your lifespan sucks.
All right. Come here, Splice.
Splice, I'm so sorry about your dad.
Why are you sorry?
Because he's gone now.
But I know that Mundy is gonna
take really good care of you.
Silly, he's not gone.
He's just dead.
He's not gone.
[CHUCKLES] That is right.
That is exactly right.
You keep the faith, Splice.
I thought you didn't
like faith much, Doctor.
Just because I don't like it,
doesn't mean I don't need it, Mundy.
[CHUCKLES]
Goodbye.
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
I will be popping in every now and then.
Fish fingers and custard
is my favourite.
- [RUBY CHUCKLES]
- Okay, come on, Ruby.
Yes, yes. Sorry we
gotta rush off like this.
But he probably needs changing. Bye!
[SIGHS]
- Do you think she'll be all right?
- [SIGHS]
Splice?
[SCOFFS] I reckon future
president of something.
[CHUCKLES]
Till then, she's got Mundy and her dad.
But her dad's dead.
No, I know. I know he's not gone,
and that's sweet and everything.
It's just he is He's really,
actually, he's dead.
We're all dead eventually.
There's hardly any time
that we're not dead.
It's a good thing too.
We gotta keep the pace up.
Otherwise, nothing would get done.
Dying defines us.
Snow isn't snow until it falls.
Snow.
Yeah, snow.
We all melt away in the end.
But something stays.
Maybe the best part.
[CHUCKLES] A sad, old man once told me,
"What survives of us is love".
[TARDIS WHOOSHES]
[THEME SONG PLAYS]
- We are in Wales! Spectacular!
- Who's she?
Doctor.
Where is the Doctor? Where is he?
There's this woman following me.
- Who is she?
- I don't know!
- Mad Jack is unbound.
- [OWNER] What the hell have you done?
[SONG CONTINUES]
[SOLDIER 1] Patrol B returning to base,
following Grade 1 encounter.
Two survivors, one injury.
ETA, 20 minutes.
[SCANNER BEEPING]
[COMM CHIMES]
[SOLDIER 2 ON COMM]
Have you done your teeth?
Yes.
[SOLDIER 2] Well, I need
to smell your minty breath.
[EXHALES]
Oh, you little liar.
Teeth, now.
How can you smell my
breath over the comm?
[CHUCKLES]
Dad skills, that's how.
- [SCANNER BEEPING]
- Wait a mo.
[COMM BEEPS]
How are we doing?
Less than a mile from base camp.
But we're right in the middle
of a minefield.
And there were no mines here yesterday.
All right, then. They must
have migrated again.
Fog's bad too.
It's just fog.
Some of the men think
the Kastarions are in the fog.
Like they're made of fog.
That's why we never see them.
Carson, the fog's been analysed,
and it's just fog.
[COMM CHIMES]
- Oh. [GRUNTS]
- [COMM BEEPS]
Hey. I'm really close.
Find Mundy and get her
to put you to bed.
And do your teeth.
All right. Kiss kiss.
Kiss kiss.
- [SCANNER CONTINUES BEEPING]
- Carson.
Due north's our best bet.
But
I think there might be an ambulance.
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
I'll be fine.
- Come on.
- [SCOFFS]
I'm just asking you
to switch patrols with me.
It's not exactly loaves
and fishes, is it?
Uh, I'm not a bishop.
- I'm not allowed.
- You're a verger.
I don't have the divinity.
- Mundy.
- [SIGHS] Give us a minute, love.
Hey, Canto!
Listen, seriously.
As God is my witness,
on my soul eternal
I'll let you see my tattoo.
Your tattoo?
It's not on general view,
which makes it more exciting given
the romantic tension between us.
[SIGHS]
Look, I'm only doing this because
I want you to stop annoying me.
Great. Thank you.
Thanks. Thanks a million.
- What's up, Splice?
- Oi!
What?
Tattoo?
Sorry. It's on Posh Graham.
I finished it yesterday.
You'll love it. [CHUCKLES]
You should be nice to Canto.
He likes you.
No, he doesn't.
- I was just joking about that.
- He's not joking.
Where's your dad?
[SCANNER BEEPING]
[SCANNER CHIMING]
What's wrong?
Ambulance. Dead ahead.
[SOLDIER 2 SIGHS] Okay.
Sir, respectfully, your eyes.
- It might detect the injury.
- Yeah. Well, it might help me then.
- [SCANNER BEEPING]
- Sir, the algorithm is haywire right now.
You know what happened to Wilson.
The algorithm's been upgraded.
No. They ran out of money.
[SIGHS] Look, it doesn't matter.
We have to keep moving.
We don't have a choice.
[BEEPING CONTINUES]
[SIGHS] Okay, okay. Hold there.
I guess it could be dormant.
It's a long way from the fighting.
Well, they're combat activated.
They power down when
there's nothing going on,
but their sensors stay active.
You know, I'm not even
sure it's [GRUNTS]
[GROANING]
Carson! Carson, where are you?
- [CARSON] It's [STAMMERS]
- Are you okay?
- It's fine. It's fine. I'm okay.
- [GRUNTS]
I'm not injured. [STAMMERS]
Just stay where you are.
I'll just
[BEEPING]
Carson!
Carson!
[DEVICE BEEPING]
[PANTS]
Combat detected. Combat detected.
Combat detected.
Combat detected.
Combat detected.
Patient acquired.
Sharp scratch.
- You're doing very well.
- [GRUNTS, PANTS]
Patient name: John Francis Vater.
Calendar age: 42 years.
Vital signs in normal range.
Blood pressure: high.
Cardiac function: good.
Liver mildly inflamed.
- Diagnosis: blind.
- [DEVICE BEEPS]
I'm not blind. My vision
is temporarily impaired.
[BATTLE NURSE] Eyesight
recovery time estimated
- [DEVICE BEEPING]
- four weeks.
Evaluation: unacceptable.
Combat medical: failed.
Listen to me. I have
a child at base camp.
Check my records!
My next of kin, Splice,
she's my daughter,
and I'm exclusively responsible for her.
Please! Check my records.
Leave a message at the tone.
[TONE BEEPS]
Kiss kiss.
- Next of kin: informed.
- [MESSAGE WHOOSHES]
The Villengard Corporation would like
to extend its deepest condolences
on your upcoming loss.
Thoughts and prayers.
Sharp scratch.
[GRUNTS, SCREAMS]
Did you hear that?
[RUBY] Give me a sec.
Someone's in trouble.
Stay there!
Okay, coming.
Doctor?
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
Doctor!
[DOCTOR] Speed, bonny boat
like a bird on the wing ♪
Doctor?
[DOCTOR] Onward, the sailors cry ♪
Carry the lad that's born to be king ♪
Doctor.
[DOCTOR] Over the sea to Skye ♪
Doctor, is that you?
[DOCTOR, ECHOES] Everything's fine.
Who said it wasn't?
[DOCTOR] Completely fine.
[BREATHES SHAKILY]
Come toward my voice.
And watch where you put your feet.
Loud the wind howls
loud the waves roar ♪
Thunderclaps rend the air ♪
Why are you singing?
It's "The Skye Boat Song".
Like it?
[GASPS]
I didn't ask what you were singing.
I asked why.
I'm getting my zen on.
My landmine zen.
[GASPS]
I need you to describe to me
what I'm standing on.
Fairly sure I know,
but details are important,
and I can't risk looking down.
The sensors are on hair trigger.
Why hasn't it set off already
when you stepped on it?
Impact activates the sensors.
Now it's confirming
if there's a live target on it.
One wrong move, and boom
[GASPS]
[BREATHES SHAKILY]
I go all food mixer.
[BEEPING]
[PANTS]
Mmm. Where are we?
In the middle of a war.
Oh, I was kind of hoping for a beach.
Yeah, what do you think this is?
It's not a beach.
Ah, give it time.
Everywhere is a beach eventually.
Okay. I'm down.
I'm about ten feet directly behind you.
Look at my right foot.
Describe what I'm standing on.
It's a sort of disc.
A white disc. It's really thin.
It's got lights around the edge,
round the rim. Green lights.
[DOCTOR] Okay.
Okay, very slowly, very
carefully, move around me,
and tell me if there's
a gap in the light.
It's not gone off yet.
So I think there's a gap.
Hoping for quite a big one.
Why does a landmine have lights on it?
[GROANS] Capitalism.
Excuse me?
Flashy lights play well in a showroom.
Modern warfare. Death by salesman.
I found the gap.
It's right under your foot,
in front of ya.
How big is it?
[RUBY] Four fingers.
Okay.
Well, that's, um that's better
than two fingers, for instance.
Is there a V on it?
Yeah.
V for victory?
Villengard.
V for Villengard.
Biggest weapons manufacturer
in recorded history.
Supplied all sides in all conflicts
for the past two centuries
in the sector.
Had to deactivate one of these
once. At a lesbian gymkhana.
Underwater, for a bet.
Except it wasn't live,
and I wasn't standing on it.
And I lost that bet.
Sorry. Wrong moment for this story.
First things first.
Someone was screaming.
It came from directly up there.
Can you check and see
if anyone needs help?
- You need help.
- I'm not even screaming yet.
Priorities.
- [SIGHS]
- You'll need to go the long way round.
And watch your step.
[RUBY BREATHES HEAVILY]
While you're up there, see if
you can see anything heavy.
A good-sized rock or something.
I cannot keep standing on one leg.
But if I put my other foot
down on the ground,
it will shift my weight.
I need to counterbalance.
I need to increase
the weight on the mine
at the exact moment I decrease it.
Well, it's gonna be tricky.
It's gonna be a moment, yeah.
Anyone there?
Uh [STAMMERS] no.
Nothing. Just a flashy light thing.
Hang on.
[DOCTOR] Found something?
[RUBY] A weird thing.
If it's a heavy weird thing, bring it.
- [DRONES FLYING OVERHEAD]
- [GASPING]
[DOCTOR] It's okay! It's okay!
You're fine. Don't worry.
Just vacuum drones, that's all.
Hoovering up the smoke
so that nobody can choke to death
before they are safely shot.
Oh. Okay, I suppose that's
[GASPS]
[DOCTOR] What's wrong?
Ruby, have you seen something?
[GASPS]
Oh.
Oh, Ruby, I'm sorry. I forgot.
- Your first time on a new planet.
- [GASPS]
[DOCTOR] It flips your
stomach, doesn't it?
A brand-new sky.
We're on Kastarion 3,
going by the rings next door.
- Decent enough. Seven out of ten.
- [GIGGLES]
Good trees. Great mountains.
Rainbow crystal.
Ah, wait until you see
the dawn. [CHUCKLES]
Mind you, this place is basically empty.
Who'd pick a fight round here?
Okay, I've got a heavy thing.
I think this is an urn or something.
But it's kind of gross.
- What is it?
- Never mind.
[RUBY] What do you mean, "never mind"?
Tell me what you're not telling me.
Okay.
Okay, that isn't an urn.
There isn't a body inside of that.
That is a body.
That is a dead body.
Compressed somehow. Like
it's been, I don't know, smelted.
[RUBY] Seriously?
I heard a scream. I guess it was that.
He was being smelted?
It's a good word, smelted, isn't it?
Not at the moment.
I never used the word "smelted"
before. It's never come up.
New planet, new word, landmine.
[CHUCKLES] Ooh, I am having a day.
Are you getting scared?
'Cause you're just babbling now.
Toss it in your hand.
That thing, toss it in your
hand and catch it, please.
- Okay, that's about the right weight.
- About?
Okay, it's exactly 6.732217 kilograms.
I was trying not to show off.
Throw it to me.
- No.
- Throw it to my right hand.
I need to use it to counterbalance.
I'm gonna catch it at the exact moment
I put my left foot down on the ground.
I understand, but it's too unstable.
- Let me give it to you.
- No.
You'll have a much better chance
if I just put it in your hand.
If it goes wrong, you will
be caught in the blast.
Well, let's get it right then. [SIGHS]
Ruby, I forbid this.
Yeah, good luck with that.
You don't understand.
This is a smart-mine.
It is monitoring anything,
any significant change.
I get too worried about you,
and my blood pressure goes up,
and I don't know how much leeway I have.
[RUBY] Best not to worry then.
So how are we gonna do this?
Count of three?
- Please listen to me.
- No arguing, Doctor.
Blood pressure.
[BEEPING]
[SIGHS]
Ruby, if this doesn't work
- [INHALES SHARPLY] You are brave.
- [RUBY] Mmm.
- And you are wonderful.
- [CHUCKLES]
And I forgive you for
being incredibly stupid.
[BEEPING]
Good then.
And if it does work,
I'm gonna be very cross at you
for a very, very long time.
[CLICKS TONGUE] Not that long, babes.
- You're standing on a landmine.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
[DOCTOR GROANS]
[BREATHES SHAKILY]
- Count of three?
- Okay, no, wait.
Um [STAMMERS] I n-need
something more rhythmic.
Um, I need a beat, like
like a song. Sing the song.
- The song? The song.
- The song.
"Over the sea to Skye". That's
the last line. On the word "Skye"
I love that song. It's about
Bonnie Prince Charlie.
- I know, it's sweet. Let's go.
- It's sweet, and it's sad.
And it's about soldiers fighting.
But it's sad, like a lullaby.
And that's right, isn't it?
Songs about soldiers should
be sad, don't you think?
Okay, Doctor. I'm ready. Stop babbling.
- Okay.
- [SIGHS]
Okay, Ruby, shall we dance?
[SNAPPING]
Speed, bonny boat
like a bird on the wing ♪
Onward, the sailors cry ♪
Carry the lad that's born to be king ♪
[TOGETHER] Over the sea to Skye ♪
- [RUBY CHUCKLES, GROANS]
- [BREATHES SHAKILY, GROANS]
[BEEPING]
- [SIGHS, LAUGHS]
- [SIGHS] Okay, okay.
- Okay.
- [CHUCKLES]
[DOCTOR SIGHS, BREATHES HEAVILY]
Okay, okay. The lights are moving.
That's okay. That's
all right. It's fine.
It's the after-effect. It's my
adrenaline. I just need to focus.
- I just need to relax.
- They're still moving.
Maybe don't keep mentioning that.
[PANTS]
I went down to the beach
and there she stood,
dark and tall, at the edge of the wood.
"The sky's too big.
I'm scared", I cried.
She replied, "Young man,
don't you know there's more to life
than the moon and the president's wife?"
[BEEPING]
Okay. Okay. I think that's it.
[SNIFFLES]
[SIGHS] That was close.
- [CHUCKLES] No margin for error.
- [EXHALES]
You know what's really great
about no margin for error?
- No more errors.
- [CHUCKLES]
Thank you, "John Francis Vater".
Hello. I'm John Francis Vater, deceased.
Apologies for your loss.
Oh, voice-activated.
These are my mortal remains.
At your convenience,
please return them to my parents,
Agnes and Millicent Vater.
Address will be supplied on request.
Hey, John. Am I talking to an AI?
I'm an approximate AI reconstruction
of the deceased John Vater.
Signature elements
of my former personality
have been incorporated
into this interface.
Kiss kiss.
[CHUCKLES] What happened to you, John?
I was humanely terminated
on the discovery
of the fatal condition, blindness.
Blindness isn't fatal.
You literally just said that
to a dead blind guy.
Who terminated you, John?
I was spared further
suffering by a Villengard
Automated Ambulance Unit.
My recovery was estimated as
beyond acceptable parameters
for a conflict as budgeted.
- Sorry. Killed by an ambulance?
- [DOCTOR] Life is cheap.
Patients are expensive.
- The Villengard algorithm.
- The what?
Villengard battle products
are fitted with AI.
The algorithm maintains a fighting force
at just above the acceptable
number of casualties.
Keeps you fighting, keeps
you dying, keeps you buying.
Medical services optimise the casualty
rate for continued conflict.
War is business, and
business is booming.
[GASPS]
Good to meet you, John.
- Kiss kiss.
- [SPLICE] Daddy?
[GASPS]
- [EXPLOSIONS IN DISTANCE]
- Is my daddy there? I heard him.
H-Hello. [CHUCKLES] Hello, up there.
You okay? You need help?
I'm looking for my daddy.
[SIGHS] How did you
- Why did you come here?
- [SPLICE] He sent me a message.
I can read a geo-stamp.
Where is he? Where's
my daddy? I heard him.
Shouldn't you be tucked up in bed?
What's a little kid like you
doing out in a nasty war like this?
My dad got special
permission to bring me.
Oh, that's good, isn't it? [CHUCKLES]
'Cause my mummy got gathered up.
She got what? G-Gathered?
She got gathered up by God.
He loved her so much that
he gathered her up early
so she can be in heaven
with him like an angel.
We'll see her again one day,
Daddy explained.
Where is Daddy?
Uh, this is Ruby.
- And my name is the Doctor.
- [CHUCKLES]
- The Doctor isn't a name.
- [DOCTOR] Yeah.
[LAUGHS] And I'm not even a doctor.
[LAUGHS] People don't
usually bring that up.
You're good already.
- I'm Splice.
- Great name. I love it!
- Just Splice or
- Splice Alison Vater.
Splice Alison Vater,
you have been identified
- as the next of kin of John Francis Vater.
- Daddy!
I am an AI reconstruction
of your deceased parent.
- Apologies for your loss.
- [RUBY] No.
- Let's grieve together. Come to
- No. Wait!
- Dad!
- [RUBY] Wait!
- [GRUNTS]
- [SPLICE] Daddy!
Let go of me! Get off me!
No, no! Please, Splice.
- If I'm causing distress
- [DOCTOR] Ruby.
- [RUBY] Please! No.
- perhaps I should come back later.
- [GRUNTING]
- Kiss kiss.
Dad!
[RUBY GRUNTS]
- [SPLICE] Let go of me!
- Ruby.
- [GRUNTS]
- Look at his foot!
- Look at what he's standing on.
- [DOCTOR PANTING]
You see that? [GRUNTS]
See what he's standing on?
- [PANTING]
- [BEEPING]
- [RUBY] Okay?
- [BREATHING HEAVILY]
Doctor, you okay?
It's just an adrenaline rush.
Just gotta control it.
[SIGHS] It's going down.
Down, let's move it down.
Down, down, down, down, down.
Slide it down.
[EXHALES]
Doctor. What's happening?
[BREATHING HEAVILY] Me.
I'm happening.
[GASPS] I'm the explosive.
- [THUD]
- [MUNDY] You are in my sights!
- I can drop you where you stand.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[MUNDY] Do you understand?
Signal your understanding.
- Signal your understanding!
- I understand!
Please! I understand.
He's on a landmine.
He's standing right on one.
Ma'am, I'm fully apprised
of what he's standing on.
- Splice, you okay down there?
- I'm here, Mundy.
I'm trying to find Daddy.
I saw him. He was a
hologram. Where is he?
Sir, my name is Mundy Flynn.
I'm an ordained Anglican Marine.
What are you doing out here?
Are you
civilians?
- Anglican what?
- Great name, Mundy Flynn.
You should marry Ruby.
Then you'll be Mundy Sunday.
Go on, get married. I'd laugh every day.
What's an Anglican Marine?
Since when was the Church an army?
Since most of your history.
You've been living in a blip.
Sir, the casket in your right hand.
Are you aware those
are the sacred remains
- of an ordained Anglican?
- [COMM CHIMES]
Are you aware your face is ringing?
[SPLICE GRUNTING]
[COMM BEEPS]
Did you like the tattoo?
What? I geo-stamped you.
I know where you are.
Get back to the compound.
- You're giving me orders now?
- What? I'm not giving you orders.
I'm worried. Fog drones have been out.
The Kastarions could
be planning an attack.
[SCOFFS] Shut up, you're worried.
You don't even like me.
- Of course I
- [COMM BEEPS]
Okay, this idiot little war.
Who are you fighting?
The Kastarions.
Yeah? The Kastarions?
[CHUCKLES] Go on. Tell
me about the Kastarions.
- We've never seen them.
- Excuse me?
[MUNDY] They're in the mud.
Well, that's what we think.
Some of us.
- Or the fog.
- What, sentient mud?
- Sir, I do not have time for this.
- Seriously?
Do you know how ridiculous you sound?
I've met sentient mud. Lovely girls.
Grumpy, yeah,
but you try laying around with
your face full of mammals all day.
- Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you
- [GUN WHIRS]
to let go of that casket.
- Just let it fall.
- [RUBY] No!
If he drops the casket,
it'll trigger the landmine.
- It'll kill him!
- He's dead already.
Sir, when you stepped on that mine,
you triggered a countdown.
It's now trying to assess whether
it's acquired a viable target.
If it can't within a specified
time, it fails safe.
It blows anyway.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Drop the casket.
Immolation. How does it work?
There's no explosive
in this landmine, right?
Immolation triggers a quantum-level
chain reaction in the subject's DNA.
You are the explosive.
I'm a Time Lord.
- Not a human, I'm a Time Lord
- [FIRES]
- [STRAINS, PANTS]
- [RUBY] Doctor!
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
I am a higher-dimension life form.
I am a complex space-time event.
I'm Anglican.
- [FIRES]
- [STRAINS]
No, no! Stop it!
[MACHINE WHIRRING]
[DOCTOR BREATHING HEAVILY]
I'm a much bigger bang
than you bargained for.
I'm a lot more explosive than I look,
and, honey,
I know how I look.
Put a quantum chain reaction through me,
and I will shatter this silly little
battlefield of yours into dust.
[BEEPING]
All of it.
In a heartbeat, into dust.
- That's not possible.
- Everything is possible.
Everything is possible.
Everywhere is a beach eventually.
Scan me.
Scan me. See for yourself.
[GUN POWERS DOWN]
[SCANNER WARBLES, BEEPING]
You could blow up half of this planet.
- [ALERT BEEPING]
- Combat detected. Combat detected.
- [DOCTOR] Shoot it!
- Combat detected.
[MUNDY] The algorithm won't let me!
- What is that thing?
- Combat detected.
- Is it a robot? Doctor, what is that?
- [MUNDY] It's an ambulance.
- Combat detected.
- [RUBY] It's a what?
- [STAMMERS] How is that an ambulance?
- Stop it.
- Patient acquired.
- Please, stop it.
- Patient acquired.
- You've got to stop that thing.
Patient acquired. Hold still.
- Daddy!
- Hello, Daughter Splice,
can I assist you with
any persistent regrets?
- [BATTLE NURSE] Sharp scratch.
- Daddy!
- [GROANS, WINCES]
- [GASPS]
Would you like to look
at some old photographs
to remember the good times?
Patient name. Patient
name unknown. Unidentified.
- [EXHALES HEAVILY]
- Vital signs. Vital signs. Vi-Vital signs.
- [GASPING]
- No, he's not human!
[BREATHES DEEPLY] Get it off me!
- [YELPS]
- Vi-Vital signs.
- [GROANS]
- Combat!
"Combat is detected".
That's what she said!
- Give me the gun.
- What are you doing?
Combat! Can't you hear
that lovely combat?
- [GASPS]
- [RUBY] Combat, right this way! Combat!
- Combat! Combat!
- [MUNDY] Stay right here, okay?
Look! That's when we saw the antelope!
Combat detected. Combat detected.
Combat detected.
Wait!
Shoot me. It needs to detect
an injury, or it won't triage.
- Shoot me.
- No, I can't!
It's fine. I put it on setting one.
- Just do my arm or something.
- I can't.
You really have to. Come on!
You can do it!
Shoot me a little bit. Just do my arm.
[PANTS]
- Left one, please.
- Yeah, sorry.
[LASER FIRE]
[GASPS]
[SHOUTS]
Oh, my God! Oh, my God.
[PANTS] Are you okay?
[BATTLE NURSE] Patient acquired.
- Patient acquired.
- Ruby. Ruby, can you hear me?
- [PANTING] Doctor, what's happening?
- [BATTLE NURSE] Sharp scratch.
She was gonna shoot you. I saw her.
[BATTLE NURSE] Patient identified.
Ruby Sunday.
Calendar age: 3082 years.
Next of kin.
Next of kin.
Next of kin Next of Next of kin.
- Next of kin. Next of kin. Next of kin.
- Who Who is my next of kin?
[RUBY CRYING]
Next of kin. Next of kin. Next of kin.
Next of kin. Next of kin.
Next of kin. Next of kin.
- Next of kin.
- That's not possible.
- Next of kin.
- It doesn't snow here. It never snows.
No, it's Ruby. This has happened before.
Next of Next of kin.
Just please tell me who it is.
It's good, it's good. The snow is good.
While there's snow, there's ho
[RUMBLING]
[CANTO] It stopped. How can it do that?
How can it just stop?
[BATTLE NURSE] Vital signs failing.
Mortality estimate: 432 seconds.
[BEEPING]
Patient non-ordained.
- Treatment withheld.
- [DOCTOR PANTING]
She was gonna shoot you.
I don't understand.
It doesn't matter. Look at the readings.
If that mine blows, it blows everything.
[DOCTOR] I went down to
the beach, there she stood,
dark and tall, edge of the wood.
"The sky's too big.
I'm scared", I cried.
She replied, "Young man, don't
you know there's more to life
- than the moon and the president's wife?"
- [MUNDY] Sir.
Sir, please.
I've scanned the device. I've
ran the numbers. You're right.
You're gonna blow a really
big hole in everything.
You could wipe out every Anglican here.
Please, what do we do?
Ruby.
[MUNDY] We're doing everything we can.
[CANTO] I'm reconfiguring
the ambulance protocols.
It could revive her,
but it's not programmed
to assist non-believers.
[MUNDY] Sir, the mine is cycling
down to the end of the countdown.
We've got five minutes.
Probably less. Please.
What can we do?
Surrender.
- Excuse me?
- Surrender.
Lose.
Give in.
[MUNDY] Even if that were
possible, which it isn't,
even if I had the divinity
to authorise that,
it wouldn't switch off the landmine.
Yes, it would.
Why?
Because it's your landmine.
[ALERT CHIMES]
[BATTLE NURSE] Patient death
imminent. Thoughts and prayers.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
Ruby, stop that. Hang on
in there. I still need you.
I can't think unless I'm talking,
and I can only talk to you.
Mundy thinks that she's fighting
the Kastarions. What do you think?
You figured it out yet?
[CHUCKLES] I don't think
Mundy's figured it out.
Figured what out?
So this lot, Ruby, they came
here, what, six months ago?
They set up their defences and
fired their warning shots into the air.
"Watch out. We come in peace".
Yeah?
We advertised our presence.
It's standard procedure.
[LAUGHS]
Do you hear that, Ruby?
They advertised their presence.
And do you know what that does?
Ruby, that-that activates
the Villengard algorithm.
The acceptable casualty rate algorithm.
Keeps you dying, keeps you buying. Huh?
Do you get it? Huh, do you get it?
Do you get Do you get it? [PANTS]
Do you get it?
Do you get-get-get it?
There's nobody else here.
You declared war on an empty planet.
There are no Kastarions in the
mud. They're not in the fog.
There are no Kastarions.
Just the algorithm
maintaining an acceptable casualty
rate in the face of nothing at all.
You are fighting your own hardware.
And it is killing you
at just the right amount
to keep you buying more.
I mean, most armies would notice that
they were fighting smoke and shadows,
but not this lot, Ruby.
You know why? 'Cause they have faith.
- Shut up!
- Faith!
The magic word that keeps you
never having to think for yourself.
Just surrender, Mundy.
Just stop
and it's all over.
Prove it.
What, seriously?
Now you need proof, faith girl?
[MUNDY] Only the bishop
can declare a surrender,
and the bishop will need proof.
- Oh. John Francis Vater, father and AI.
- Yes, sir.
I need you to download yourself
into the Villengard battle computer
and find proof that the
planet is uninhabited
and that the casualty rate
is hardware driven.
Send it to the scanner
in Mundy Flynn's hand.
Apologies. That is not possible.
I am not connected to the network.
No, but the ambulance is. And
the ambulance is connected to me.
And I am connected to you.
Shut up and google.
That is against my
digital protocol, sir.
Listen to me.
However little is left of you,
you are still a father.
Dad to dad, you never
let them down, right?
Ever.
To the end, right?
Dad to dad, dust to dust. Am I right?
Sir, he can't. He's just an AI simulant.
I'll be back. Do your teeth.
How much of the countdown left?
Three minutes maybe.
Thoughts and prayers.
[CANTO, QUIETLY] That will do that.
- How's it going?
- There are safeguards. Hush.
[DEVICE BEEPING]
I saw your tattoo.
- What?
- The The one you did on Posh Graham.
It was beautiful.
- You checked out my tattoo on Posh Graham?
- Of course.
- Why?
- I wanted to see it.
But why?
Why did you even come out here?
Why were you looking for me?
Canto.
Do you like me?
Of course, I like you.
Everyone knows that I like you.
Except Posh Graham,
who now thinks I like him.
It was on his upper thigh.
You could've warned me.
[CHUCKLES]
Hang on.
Does that mean you like me?
Defences. Defences.
What is it? What is happening?
[COUGHS] Canto, talk to me.
Are you all right?
[CANTO] I'm fine. How are you?
Where are you? I can't
Are you injured?
- [CANTO] I'm fine. How are you?
- [MUNDY] I'm okay.
Just shock.
Canto.
[SIGHS] Canto.
[CANTO] You are identified
as Mundy Flynn,
my designated favourite person.
Here's a personal message
recorded just for you.
If anything happens to me,
I want you to know that
I love you.
And honestly, it's okay that [SIGHS]
you don't love me back.
[CRIES]
Sorry. Yeah.
[DOCTOR] I'm sorry about your friend.
[SNIFFLES] It was my fault.
I distracted him.
[DOCTOR] It was nothing to do with you.
It was the algorithm breach.
The Villengard algorithm
is protecting itself.
The ambulance killed him.
[AMBULANCES] Thoughts and
prayers. Thoughts and prayers.
[REPEATING] Thoughts and prayers.
We sent Daddy in there,
and it's fighting back. Look.
Of course. Of course, there's security.
There's a firewall. Why
didn't I think of that?
What's happening?
The algorithm will do anything
it can to protect itself.
- Anything at all.
- [JOHN] Antelope.
- Ante Antelope.
- John.
Antelope. I saw antelope.
We saw antelope.
We saw the antelope together.
I-I remember! I remember, Daddy!
Antelope. We saw antelope.
Antelope. Sorry.
Tell her to run, John! Tell
your daughter to run now!
- Dad to dad.
- I'm safe with Daddy.
Safe Safe Antelope
Safe Can't Can't Ante
- [BATTLE NURSE] A
- [JOHN] Dad
A-Any attempt to interfere
with the Villengard algorithm
will be met with severe fines.
[DOCTOR] Where is John Francis Vater?
The AI known as John Francis Vater
has been identified
as a hostile data virus
and permanently deleted.
Thoughts and prayers.
[LANDMINE] Attention.
This landmine will induce
fail-safe immolation shortly.
If you are not the selected
target, please stand clear.
- Run. Start running.
- There's no point.
- [LANDMINE] Final countdown commencing.
- Both of you! Run!
- [LANDMINE] Ten, nine
- We'd never get far enough.
- eight
- Where's my daddy?
- seven
- I'm not leaving without my daddy.
- And I'm not leaving you, munchkin.
- six
- I'm so sorry, then. This is it.
- five, four
[DOCTOR] I'm so sorry, Ruby.
- three
- I am so, so sorry.
two,
one.
- [PANTS]
- [LANDMINE] Kiss kiss.
[BATTLE NURSE] Antelope Dad
to dad Dust to dust Dust
Kiss kiss.
- Virus alert. Virus a
- Kiss kiss.
[AMBULANCES] Kiss kiss.
Kiss kiss. Kiss kiss.
Kiss kiss. Kiss kiss. Kiss kiss.
Patient acquired.
Patient acquired.
Patient acquired.
Sharp scratch.
Revivification protocol initiated.
[GASPING, COUGHING]
- [GASPS, CHUCKLES]
- [GASPS]
[LANDMINE] Kiss kiss.
Kiss kiss. [CHIRPING]
- Kiss kiss.
- How?
[GROANS, GRUNTS] Ruby, Ruby.
- You okay? Yeah? [GROANS]
- [PANTING]
- [CHUCKLES]
- What's happening?
Your father, who art in heaven.
- A kind of heaven anyway.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
Antelope Do your teeth Antelope.
- [DOCTOR] The Villengard algorithm.
- [GASPS]
The whole Villengard
arms industry, all of it,
just got beaten up
by this little kid's dad!
- Doctor.
- Ah! Ruby! Ruby!
Ah, why are you lying around
missing all the good stuff?
A war just got switched off
and very possibly sent
to bed without its supper.
I don't What happened?
Well, it's, uh It's kind
of hard to sum up.
I think if I had a diary,
it would be a little bit
too exciting for words.
I think I could write it with drums.
Can you write a diary
in drums? I bet I could.
- Uh, wait [CHUCKLES]
- [CHUCKLES, IMITATING DRUMS]
October the 5th!
I sent this girl's dad into the
software just for a look around.
Just looking for proof, and
he must have been very cross.
Because now, the whole
Villengard mainframe
has been taken down by parent power.
[IMITATES EXPLOSION]
[GASPS, CHUCKLES]
Basically, Villengard Basically,
just wait till Daddy gets home.
[SIGHS]
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Right, enough of that.
Moving on. Come on, Ruby.
No. Hang on. We've had, like,
two minutes of the awesome.
Yeah, two minutes. No lingering.
Plenty more universe to see.
And quite frankly, your lifespan sucks.
All right. Come here, Splice.
Splice, I'm so sorry about your dad.
Why are you sorry?
Because he's gone now.
But I know that Mundy is gonna
take really good care of you.
Silly, he's not gone.
He's just dead.
He's not gone.
[CHUCKLES] That is right.
That is exactly right.
You keep the faith, Splice.
I thought you didn't
like faith much, Doctor.
Just because I don't like it,
doesn't mean I don't need it, Mundy.
[CHUCKLES]
Goodbye.
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
I will be popping in every now and then.
Fish fingers and custard
is my favourite.
- [RUBY CHUCKLES]
- Okay, come on, Ruby.
Yes, yes. Sorry we
gotta rush off like this.
But he probably needs changing. Bye!
[SIGHS]
- Do you think she'll be all right?
- [SIGHS]
Splice?
[SCOFFS] I reckon future
president of something.
[CHUCKLES]
Till then, she's got Mundy and her dad.
But her dad's dead.
No, I know. I know he's not gone,
and that's sweet and everything.
It's just he is He's really,
actually, he's dead.
We're all dead eventually.
There's hardly any time
that we're not dead.
It's a good thing too.
We gotta keep the pace up.
Otherwise, nothing would get done.
Dying defines us.
Snow isn't snow until it falls.
Snow.
Yeah, snow.
We all melt away in the end.
But something stays.
Maybe the best part.
[CHUCKLES] A sad, old man once told me,
"What survives of us is love".
[TARDIS WHOOSHES]
[THEME SONG PLAYS]
- We are in Wales! Spectacular!
- Who's she?
Doctor.
Where is the Doctor? Where is he?
There's this woman following me.
- Who is she?
- I don't know!
- Mad Jack is unbound.
- [OWNER] What the hell have you done?
[SONG CONTINUES]