Don't Even (2024) s01e03 Episode Script

[playing electric guitar]
♪
Hells yeah!
Okay, wait, what if you
crackled the bass, like,
way up on your line?
Okay, mm-hm.
[keyboard playback]
- Oh, shit!
- Yeah, just like that.
Maybe I should call in sick,
stay with this.
I'm feelin' it.
I would,
but I got plans tonight.
Mm.
[jamming]
WESLEY: Shut up!
I can't hear the game!
Newsflash, the Bombers lose!
Hit it.
[jamming]
I think I'm gonna wear
The Phoenix tonight.
Uh-uh, don't even.
It's too hot out and you do not
want onion pits on your date,
trust me.
It's not a date!
We're just hanging out.
What's not a date with who?
- Tyler from work.
- No one.
Errr, delivery boys are rank.
Uh-uh, uh-uh!
No.
Well, let's go, then.
Gotta jet to work.
Why you so jacked
for night shift?
You don't gotta
know all my business.
Whatevs, I'm almost done.
Vi, you would look
so good with highlights.
- Mm-mm.
- Oh look, Violet!
You could take
Native Studies 101
with Dr. Friedrich Hans Günther.
The fuck?
VIOLET: I haven't even
looked at that.
Ta-da!
You look so hot!
Oh, wow
Edward Scissorhands over here.
SHELLEY: Holy jeez, you been
suckin' on a tailpipe or what?
HARLEY: Violet's got a date!
Mom, do you need
to be here right now?
Well, I'm here
washing your gitchies.
Don't forget to get
as good as you give.
VIOLET: Eugh, disgusting!
Get!
CHERYL: Just be careful, eh?
My cousin hooked up
with the dude
who works the hotdog stand
outside Gio's
She got the Clap
and salmonella.
HARLEY: Salmonella's
not an STD, Cheryl!
- Didn't say it was, Harley!
- Ugh.
And protect yourself.
Honour your bodies.
I don't need
a hundred rubbers, Mom!
Everybody needs
a hundred rubbers!
You're welcome.
CHERYL: A hundred condoms?
Frickin' perverts!
[laughter]
WANDA: Dale
Giving me 20 bucks so I'll
lend you 100 makes no sense!
And we're not together!
Stop saying that!
Ugh!
If Dale calls, hang up!
And don't take his order
because his coupons are phony.
And push the rib dinner, because
the meat's about to turn, okay?
Tell them
it's supposed to be green.
And tell those goblin line cooks
they better be wearing
their hair nets!
Don't need no goatee
in the gravy again!
Ugh, ew
Go on!
[claps]
[phone rings]
CHERYL: Uncle Sizzle's,
where hasty meets tasty.
This is Cheryl.
Oh, uh hi, Dale.
Yeah?
Well, uh, Wanda, she talks
about you all the time.
What?
12 CDs for a penny?
Pssht yeah, no,
that's, uh, not a good deal.
But, uh,
you should come by and
win her heart.
What are you doing?
- [line beeping]
- Oh
He hung up.
[slams phone down]
Two, three, four ♪
Hey! ♪
TYLER: [loudly]
Louis Riel!
VIOLET: Holy!
You scared the shit out of me!
I know,
that was pretty good, eh?
Alright, ready to go?
- Yeah.
- Cool.
So how's your summer?
Gnarly!
I got wicked plans
for my new band.
We're gonna be huge.
I've actually been
jamming with--
Yeah, we're gonna shoot
a music vid at Fun Mountain.
It's gonna be epic.
- Deadly.
- Yeah.
So, uh, you're like
the only person I know
that's going away for school.
Smarty-pants.
- Yeah, Harley's coming with.
- Yeah?
We're gonna get a place,
it's gonna be fun.
- Cool.
- What's next for you?
Get a record deal.
Yeah, and then work
at Unkie Sizz
'til the cash rolls in,
you know?
- Really?
- Yeah.
I mean, I got my boys there.
I get to drive around
and listen to my demos all day.
I get free nugs.
Straight chillin'.
No presh.
- That does sound pretty sweet.
- Yeah.
I guess uni's
not for everybody, hey?
Oh, hell, no, no.
That's never been my thing.
I'm all about that, like,
rock n' roll lifestyle,
you know what I'm saying?
Plus, not everyone's got
a big brain like you, so
Have you been to Purple City?
- No?
- No.
Okay, come here.
You're gonna love it.
I'm gonna love it?
It's actually gonna be
the best of your life.
- Really?
- Yeah, it is.
[ska music playing on radio]
♪
DALE: [outside]
Wanda!
Wandaaaa!
Dale! I told you
not to bother me at work!
We're done!
DALE: Wanda!
I miss you!
We went out that one time,
and then you stole my identity!
Baaaabe!
I wanna marry you!
Ugh!
It's my own damn fault
for messing with love medicine!
I didn't even mean it for Dale.
CHERYL: Maybe Harley
should watch the place
while you take care of him.
[Dale crying outside]
- Me?
- For sure, uh
Harley's really come into
her own at Uncle Sizzle's.
DALE: I fucking love you!
I wanna make a baby!
[retching]
Be careful with love, girls.
It's powerful!
You don't wanna
end up like Dale
rolling around like a hot dog
that fell on the ground!
Harley, cover my desk.
And if a big complaint comes in,
holler for me!
DALE: I neeeeeeed you!
WANDA: Hey! Get out
[muffled shouting]
HARLEY: Okay, everyone,
you just gotta
drown out
that freak show, alright?
[music gets louder]
STINKY: [radio]
That's right!
Another sizzling
spectacular special.
THE MAN: [radio] Uncle Sizzle's
and Stinky & the Man are here
with a BOGTF:
Buy One, Get Three Free!
Bog Tuff!
Wait what special?
Shit!
THE MAN: Whaddya think
about that, Stinky?
STINKY: Who doesn't
love a BOGTF?
Call Uncle Sizzle's and use
the code word "Sizzler's Mom!"
Tell 'em Stinky & the Man
sent you.
Balls!
That's the Mother's Day special!
[phone ringing]
[more phones ringing]
Uh, hello
Uncle Sizzle's
"Sizzler's Mom"?
[phones ringing chaotically]
HARLEY: It's happening
It's happening
It's happening!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
Wanda left with Dale!
Shit!
Yeah, no, Sizzler's Mom, yeah.
Oh, please.
Hi, thanks for holding.
Augh Cheryl!
Please hold.
CHERYL: Get your arse over here.
We got some work to do.
VIOLET: Okay, what are we doing?
If Purple City's a drug,
I'm not down!
No, it's not drugs!
I don't do drugs.
Donna would kill me.
Okay
Here it is.
Just stare into the light.
- You're serious?
- I'm serious!
Just just look.
And just stare at it.
It's so bright.
I know.
Just don't blink, though.
Just
let it hypnotize you, okay?
Keep going.
3
2
1!
Right?
Oh-ho
- Isn't that cool?
- Everything's purple!
Welcome to Purple City!
Damn.
I love doing this.
Let's go for a walk.
You're kinda hot
when you're purple.
[Violet chuckles]
VIOLET: How long
is it supposed to last for?
TYLER: For about 20 minutes,
if we're lucky.
VIOLET: It's so beautiful.
Do you see it still?
All I see is "violet" tonight.
[chuckles]
Your name's Violet,
that's why.
["A.M. 180" by Grandaddy
playing]
♪
Ow!
Oh! Sorry, sorry!
Are you okay?
- Ow
- Are you good?
- I think I bit my tongue.
- Oh are you okay?
- I'm okay.
- Yeah?
Well, my house is close by,
and I got a sick vid
I wanna show you.
- You down?
- Okay.
Okay, cool.
♪
VIOLET: This can't be
good for your eyes.
No, it's fine.
I do it all the time,
and I literally have
perfect vision.
♪
[phones ringing]
Where the frig is Wanda?!
Stompin' all over Dale's heart.
What the hell
are we gonna do?
Don't let these
takeout turds get to you.
Wanda put you in charge.
Yeah
She did.
[phones ringing]
Yo, everyone, circle up!
Harley has something to say!
What?
No, I don't.
Yeah, yes, you do.
Take frickin' charge!
You're the frickin' boss!
[phones ringing]
[quietly]
I'm the boss
[phones ringing]
I'm the friggin' boss!
Boss!
♪
This is by far
one of the most ragtag
bunch of phone operators
I've ever seen in my life, frig!
Yeah, what she said!
Now, has it been a rough night?
Yes!
It's been real friggin' rough.
But have we trained
for this night?
Yes!
We're Uncle Sizzle's reps!
We are the 12th
most popular chain
in Manitoba, frig!
Come on,
get it together, people!
And I want you
to tell those promo rats
that we ain't
runnin' no BOGTF
Instead,
I want you to offer them
5% off their next order.
Now helm those phones!
Come on, let's go!
[claps]
[slow clapping]
[Jay whistles]
Wow.
You really handled 'em, Sluggo.
You're a boss, you know that?
Hey
I miss you.
What do you say we
take a little break?
I miss you too, Jay.
But I'm in charge.
I gotta stay and keep
the flock motivated.
Oh, come on.
These guys?
Ditch 'em.
Let's go have some fun.
I'm the boss, Jay.
Call me later.
Okay?
You know I will, baby girl.
Give 'em hell.
Hey!
I don't want to hear those
phones ring more than once!
I wanna hear deals,
not squeals, people!
Let's go!
[phones ringing]
Hello, Uncle Sizzles!
Five percent off or nothing.
You're speaking to the boss!
[phones ringing]
JONO: [TV] Hi everybody,
I'm Jonathan Torrens.
Welcome to the romance
capital of Canada.
Welcome to Winnipeg, Manitoba!
[audience cheering]
JONO: Please welcome Reid !
[audience cheering]
TYLER: I hope you like
ja-la-pen-oh's!
I'm okay with them.
Alright
Tonight is your lucky night.
Feels like it.
So I've been recording
all my new moves
I wanna put in my new music vid,
but I'm not sure
about the kicks, so
What do you think?
I think it's sick.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, um
I didn't know
you could kick so high.
I know.
I've been practicing.
Lunges
- [phones ringing]
- [Harley yelling in distance]
CHERYL: Yeah, we gotta
get that mug of yours out there.
Ha, check this out!
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Oh, of course!
Frickin' perv.
Now that I'm your manager,
you better cut it
with the meat-beater shit.
What do you mean,
"meat-beater"?
Stop making pervy calls
to the girls at work here.
Pervy calls?
Is is that
what your friends think?
I'm a flippin' sicko
or something?
Well, if the trench coat fits.
But it's not me!
I'm not a pig.
Jay makes those calls, honest.
I love Uncle Sizzle's.
And women!
I would never disrespect
either of them!
Yeah, that's, uh
that's not what I heard.
Oh my God
Oh, fuck.
[breathing frantically]
Just whoa.
Are you?
Ohh!
I never do nothin', but I
always get blamed for shit!
Little buddy
You okay?
Like what do you need?
I dunno, just
just sit on my back.
Sit-- sit on your back?
Sit on my back!
Okay yeah.
Just don't fart!
[phones ringing in distance]
[moaning and heavy breathing]
Ow
Ow, ow, wait, wait, wait!
- Am I on your hair?
- No, no, it's just
Oh
Never thought I'd hook up
with a Native girl.
Uh what the fuck?
- What?
- Why would you say that?
Yo
I should write a song about it.
Ugh I need a bathroom!
Oh, um, the shitter's
down the hall,
but someone clogged it up
real good before you came, so
I wouldn't.
[sighs]
Okay
- [animal squeals]
- [Violet screams]
Watch out!
My weasel!
Why do you have
a weasel in here?
He's Jeremiah.
I trapped him with
a pizza box down by the river.
I need a telephone.
My mom hated him,
but it's like,
do you see any mice
around here, Donna?
No, you don't.
Me and Jeremiah,
we're fuckin' bros.
Tyler!
Telephone!
Oh
Here you go.
Wassup, boy?
You good?
I'm gonna throw
the vid on again!
Okay.
[video starts playing
in other room]
[line ringing]
Uncle Sizzle's,
what do you want?
VIOLET: Hello, Harley?
Harley
Cheryl was right,
my hoo-ha's burning!
Violet, I cannot right now!
I'm neck-deep in chicken shit!
Hey!
I don't see an order up!
Come on!
I gotta go, bye.
Hello?
Harley?
[dialling]
- [busy signal]
- No, no, no, no, no, no
Okay, okay, okay.
[exhales]
[phone ringing]
- Hello?
- Mom, I think I have an STD.
Uh, okay, slow down.
Um
Does he wash down there?
Did you use protection?
Mom!
Ew!
Well, don't go doing it
if you can't talk about it!
- Vaginas are very--
- Okay, okay, stop, stop.
Okay okay.
[in a whisper]
And she snagged!
All we did was
eat nachos and fool around,
and now everything
burns down there
[in a whisper]
Burning vagina
I don't know how to
get it to stop, and I
Can you just focus and tell me
how I can get through this?
You are gonna be dealing with
a lot of different body parts
when you're a doctor
so you should get used to it.
Oh, forget it.
Forget it, I'm coming home.
- Okay
- Okay, then.
Burning vagina.
I don't miss that.
[laughter]
CHERYL: Uh
Maybe we do this another time.
Nah. I'm good.
- It's go time.
- Alright.
[upbeat music playing]
[music stops]
CHERYL: What's that?
What?
It looks slick in pics.
[music starts again]
Walk into the room,
eyes are looking at me ♪
CHERYL: Ah, yeah!
Oof
- Hah!
- Yeah!
Yes!
Okay, you were
right about the oil.
Just need some
junk in that trunk.
Then I don't care, yeah ♪
- Oil my pythons.
- Oh, yeah.
You better pay attention ♪
You better pay attention,
yeah ♪
[door opens]
I don't gotta know
your business.
CHERYL: Yeah, that's
what we thought.
♪
[video playing]
TYLER: [video]
Yeah, that's right.
Oh, shit
I think I pulled my groin, goddammit.
Okay, alright
Back in action,
with a big dog
Hey, uh
I'm gonna go.
I gotta get outta here.
Damn, I need water.
Those nachos were spicy as hell.
And it got in my hangnail, ow!
I gotta soak this puppy
in some milk.
The jalapeños
That's right.
My special ingredient.
[ominous electronic sounds]
[ominous electronic sounds]
["Time Bomb" by Jacklen Ro
playing]
You're impatient,
an escapist ♪
Who never knows
where to go ♪
No, sorry, all I can
do for you is 5% off.
Okay. Bye.
["Time Bomb" playing on radio]
[Harley sighs]
WANDA: Well
[sighs]
Dale's done for good this time.
He dead?
Let's just say
I put a stop to it.
[Harley chuckles]
Any problems?
Nope.
[phone ringing]
HARLEY: Oh
- Keeping busy
- Wanda, uh
That's my man calling, Jay.
That's his number.
Do you mind if I
- Make it short.
- Okay.
And then get back to your desk.
[raspy voice] I've got
your hot, juicy promo
WOMAN: [phone]
Um, excuse me?
Oh. Um
Sorry, I
thought you were someone else.
Can I take your order?
[door creaks shut]
AUNTIES: You snagged!
- [applause]
- Ever cute!
SHELLEY: My baby!
How's your burning?
Fine.
It went away on my walk home.
SHELLEY: Oh, good.
SHOWBOAT: Whaddup?
What are you doing here?
I'm just driving
my auntie home.
The aunties made this for you.
A medicine pouch?
It's for condoms!
Ever sacred, this one!
[laughter]
VIOLET: Thank you.
I will not be using
these any time soon.
[under her breath]
Let's go.
Okay, I just gotta
grab something real quick.
Okay. Thank you.
Oh, maybe take a shower.
- VIOLET: Mom!
- AUNTIE: Or two!
[all chuckling]
What d'you think?
Oh, that is so sick!
It's beautiful, man!
Alright, but wait,
what about my costume?
Nah, dude.
- No?
- You don't need it.
You're badass just as you are.
Yeah, the Woodtick.
Alright, how about this?
"I'll suck all your blood out
until you're some tired!"
Get it?
'Cause I'm the Woodtick.
Uh, yeah, we'll work on that.
Yeah
[laughs]
[Cheryl singing to herself]
Holy shit!
Harley, we set a record
for sales tonight.
- For real?
- Yeah!
You know, you'd make
a good assistant manager.
But next time,
less yelling at the reps.
Woo
Woo-hoo!
[playing electric guitar]
[sighs]
SHOWBOAT: Take a look at this.
VIOLET: Stinky & the Man
Battle of the Bands?
I thought we were just jamming.
We make it offish.
We pick a name,
write some songs, make a demo
We win and you say
goodbye in style.
Sure, I'm in.
You cool?
I gotta tell you something.
You mean Tyler?
Your mom told me.
I shouldn't have
gone out with him.
I know how shitty
he treated you.
I mean,
I could have warned you.
Delivery boys are rank.
It was the worst.
You know what I do when
something messed up happens?
I write about it.
Gimme something.
[starts playback on keyboard]
[sighs]
[playing electric guitar]
♪
SHOWBOAT: Instead of
punching you in the face,
I'm writing you this song ♪
VIOLET: You're
acting all dumb,
but I ain't playing along ♪
SHOWBOAT: And I'm
the greatest part ♪
VIOLET: Skid mark ♪
My heart! ♪
[laughter]
SHOWBOAT: Wait
What?!
VIOLET: Dude
[laughs]
You don't wanna know.
♪
Waaandaaa!
[screaming]
♪