Drake and Josh (2004) s01e03 Episode Script
Two Idiots And A Baby
So i've been dating this new girl that goes to my school.
Drakes been dating this new girl that goes to our school.
Her name is Susan.
She is cool,She is Funny ,She is awesome.
'She is cool,She is Funny ,She is awesome'.
I'm telling you.
This girl is All Drakes been thinking about.
Susan, Susan, Susan .
.
! I wonder if i am in live? I have seen susan around school, but i haven't like formally met her yet.
Anyways.
I wonder where Drake is with our pizza.
I can not believe I ate an entire pizza.
Comeon you gotta think of something.
Would you relax? -Nooo.
This project counts for like half of our final grade.
Oh i got it.
-GO? We'll do a detailed study on the reproductive habits of lizards.
I'm not doing anything that involves me watching lizards make out.
Ok.
Oh how about -No! - a Music video.
-Yes! Of your band.
-Yes.
And i'll direct it.
-Maybe.
Mo maybe? Can you direct a music video? Who do you think videotaped my grammy piano residal at the home video? Okay, you're the director.
Oh but hey we can put Susan in the video? Why should your girlfriend be in it? Because she is Preety.
OK, fine.
Your girlfriend can be in our video.
And you are preety too you know.
-Stop! Hey which of my guitar you think will look best on camera? I do not know.
Megan! Drake and Josh Ok.
Here is my vision.
I see your band in a desert ,the sun burns,little creatures walking.
Perheps I don't know, maybe lizards.
Oh here is my vision.
Ohh I don't care about your vision.
The Video should show off my band.
Hi Drake.
And Susan.
Hey how did the algebra test go? -Not great, I couldn't concentrate.
How come? -Because I was thinking about you.
You know you should really go to the bathroom and cough that out.
Sweet.
Hello.
Susan this is Josh, Josh this is Susan.
Hi Josh,Nice to officially met u.
oh Hey I gotta get to class.
Bye gourgeous.
I'll miss you.
-And I'll miss you too bye sweaty pea.
You are so funny.
-No.
-Yeah You are.
Ohhh What Kind of shirt is this.
I think it's XL.
It's so soft.
Well I am a huge fan of The Drier sheet.
I don't know why Drake never told me how funny and cute you are.
Oh Do you know that you have a purple paint right here.
Oh all gone.
I'll see you later, Josh.
Okey.
.
.
and Dokey.
Hello mister alligators.
well hello dear.
Do you want to hear a scream?Ok.
I am going to eat you.
Ho, ho, ho happy Bath.
Have you been a good boy this year? No!Well than i think you are gone! Time for shaving.
Shaving in the bath tub, what? Shaving in the bathtub, briiiiiii.
lator gators! Shaving in the bathtub.
Susan! -Hi, Josh.
I'm sorry,About my nakedness.
Where is Drake? -Josh you don't need to be nervous around me.
Big biceps.
Do you workout? Auuu with pain in the toe.
Are you okay? Josh, what are you doing? Put some clothes on, my girlfriend is in the room.
Right.
I did not know that she was .
.
until she I told you that sometimes he can be a little.
you know.
.
Joshish.
Can somebody please hand me my underwear? Hey you guys.
Can I ask you something? YeahTell son.
What do you think of Drakes new girlfriend? Susan? She seems like a friendly girl.
-Yes, maybe a little tooooooooooo friendly? What do you mean? Welllll .
.
I .
.
I.
.
I think She likes me.
There.
.
I said it.
Of course she Likes you, what's not to like? No, I mean she liiiiiiikes me.
you know? Like remember that show on the animal channel, where the female giraffe liked the male giraffe So she started Okay.
-Okay.
Okay.
Look son, Susan is a preety girl and sometimes attractive girls get us guys a little confused.
I think what your father is trying to say is that the Suzan is being friendly to you because you are a Drakes new brother.
And because you're fun and charming young man.
Yes, you're probably right.
Thanks, I gotta go direct our video.
Do you want to watch the animal channel, where the remote.
Okay Drake, the camera is all set.
All right, Susan know what to do right? -Dance around and look good.
-You always do.
Let's do it.
Rool and ACTION! This song is for Susan.
1, 2, 3, 4! And cut! Josh, I was just looking over some of the footage we shot I am not sure we get enough of Susan Oh i got pleanty of Susan.
Drake,could you help me with this letter For my miss Nancy advice column? -Sure, Read it.
Okay.
The guy writes: Dear miss Nancy.
My step brother has a new girlfriend named Puzan.
She keeps flirting with me behind my brothers back.
How do I tell my brother about this problem i'm having with Puzan? Do this "Puzan",have anything to do with my Susan? Yeah it's true, I think susan.
.
.
wants me.
Look! I think it's cute that you've a little crush on Susan.
She has a crush on me and it ain't little.
Josh, Josh i'm sure that you thought susan was hitting on you.
I know when a girl want me, I've imagined it a thousand times.
Okay,Okay, I'll talk to her.
Seriously? -No.
But thanks for the laughs.
Wait, where are you going? -I've got a date with "Puzan".
coming! Susan.
Drakes not home.
I thought we were gonna shoot more stuff for the video today.
We are, but Drake stopped by Paul's house on the way home.
You could head over there if you want? I do not know where Paul lives.
That way! I am bad in directions.
I can lend you my compass.
Josh are you alright? You seem tense? Puzan, I.
.
I.
.
Susan.
I .
.
I've been noticing some signals.
-What do you mean? You know,signals.
.
like female giraffe gives the male giraffe an I.
seems like u been flirting with me.
But I'm sure that it was not intentional.
Josh.
It's not unintentional at all.
-I knew it! Susan! Ewww-Josh what were you trying to do, I I am Drake's girlfriend! Oh Drake you are here.
Drake! I .
.
I .
.
Not what you think.
Just a second.
Oh Dear God thank you for my very first kiss, amen.
Drake, I swear it is not what you think.
Thank you San Diego, give it up and make some noise for the Drake (oojeaaa)! Hi Drake.
Drake! Drake.
She kissed me.
It was smootching.
You gotta believe me.
Thank you for purying my sun glasses.
Do you feel better now? -No.
Because i still live with the traitor who kissed my girlfriend.
She kissed me.
Why don't you believe me I am your brother.
Brothers don't try to steal each other girlfriend.
But I didn't even try You just stay away from her, okay? -But it is .
.
-Stay away from me too.
Susan,I demand that you tell Drake the truth, you kissed me and you know it.
I'm Sorry,I can't help you're so Adorable.
Curse my boyish charm.
Whay do Shhh Here i've got these for you.
I do love Daisies, but i can't accept these because Josh! I can't accept these.
My heart belongs to Drake.
Ohhhhh come on! Unbelievable.
I told you to stay away from her.
-But i didn't she Let's get out of here.
Atleast i get to keep the Daisies.
Hello.
Helloooooooo.
If you're gonna ignore me, How are we gonna finish our music video project? I'll finish it myself.
Now take what you need, and leave Susan on its way over and i don't want you around while she is here.
Are you really gonna let some crazy girl ruin our brothership? So now you're gonna call my girlfriend crazy.
-Yes, and I can prove it.
Now when Susan gets here,you hide in the closet and see for urself how she acts when u are not around.
Forget it.
Drake! Comeon just one chance.
If I am liying I'll move out of this room and live outside on the big tree.
Spank my fear of squirrel.
Please.
Okay, fine.
You have 30 seconds.
Drake! Hi Josh, where is Drake? not home.
No no he is not t's just me and you, alone.
So well then where is he? I do not know, but wouldn't be home for quite a while.
Oh look at my knee.
Right next to your hand.
Comeon We both know that you find me adorable This is becomeing a litle uncomfortable.
Uncomfortably hot.
Come on, come get a heeping help Joshiu.
Josh! Josh it's over! But she was just about to crack.
Drake I'm so glad you're here.
He has this insane idea that i am attracted to him.
Pack up your junk and get outta here before I get back.
comeon Susan.
I forgot my purse.
Cute.
Ohhhhhh! Come on! What's she doing in this class? Drake- wanted me to see the premiere of thismusic video project.
Okay, please take your seats.
Traitor.
-Cheater-Liar.
Crazy girl who flirts with me and then lie about it! Drake, Josh I see that you want to be in the center attention.
So why don't we start with your project.
As director of the video that you are abou to see , I hope that you will notice some of the imagery that i found Here we go! This song is for Susan.
Thank you San Diego, get up and to hear the noise of Drake (oojeaaa)! Shaving in the bathtub, what? You videotaped me in the bathtub! Wasn't me.
Drake wait! Drake! That's not .
.
not what it looks like.
-Yes, neither are you.
Mr.
Headsof, if I may I'd like to say, BUSTED! Dreak, did you hear what he just said to me.
Yeah, I think he said BUSTED! Your little prank almost our whole grades.
.
I am Sorry.
You do not film a person when he is in the bathtub.
I'm sorry.
But most of all, we wanna say thanks .
I'm sor.
What? Your dump prank proved that i was telling the truth about just thank OKAY.
So does this mean you're not gonna tell Mom and Dad? That's-Right.
Your punishment .
.
is that your stunt actully helped us.
Huh.
huh.
WellTomorrow is another day.
She frightens me.
Hi Susan.
What,you guys wanna tell me off now.
-No we will not gonna yell at you, although you deserve.
Hey It's not my fault that i was attracted to both of you guys.
But now, I wouldn't wanna date eiyher one of you .
So see you.
Fair enough.
-No hard feelings.
-Be well.
-GOODDAY.
I think we handeled that very maturely.
Yes.
That felt good.
That felt better.
-Yeah it did.
Drakes been dating this new girl that goes to our school.
Her name is Susan.
She is cool,She is Funny ,She is awesome.
'She is cool,She is Funny ,She is awesome'.
I'm telling you.
This girl is All Drakes been thinking about.
Susan, Susan, Susan .
.
! I wonder if i am in live? I have seen susan around school, but i haven't like formally met her yet.
Anyways.
I wonder where Drake is with our pizza.
I can not believe I ate an entire pizza.
Comeon you gotta think of something.
Would you relax? -Nooo.
This project counts for like half of our final grade.
Oh i got it.
-GO? We'll do a detailed study on the reproductive habits of lizards.
I'm not doing anything that involves me watching lizards make out.
Ok.
Oh how about -No! - a Music video.
-Yes! Of your band.
-Yes.
And i'll direct it.
-Maybe.
Mo maybe? Can you direct a music video? Who do you think videotaped my grammy piano residal at the home video? Okay, you're the director.
Oh but hey we can put Susan in the video? Why should your girlfriend be in it? Because she is Preety.
OK, fine.
Your girlfriend can be in our video.
And you are preety too you know.
-Stop! Hey which of my guitar you think will look best on camera? I do not know.
Megan! Drake and Josh Ok.
Here is my vision.
I see your band in a desert ,the sun burns,little creatures walking.
Perheps I don't know, maybe lizards.
Oh here is my vision.
Ohh I don't care about your vision.
The Video should show off my band.
Hi Drake.
And Susan.
Hey how did the algebra test go? -Not great, I couldn't concentrate.
How come? -Because I was thinking about you.
You know you should really go to the bathroom and cough that out.
Sweet.
Hello.
Susan this is Josh, Josh this is Susan.
Hi Josh,Nice to officially met u.
oh Hey I gotta get to class.
Bye gourgeous.
I'll miss you.
-And I'll miss you too bye sweaty pea.
You are so funny.
-No.
-Yeah You are.
Ohhh What Kind of shirt is this.
I think it's XL.
It's so soft.
Well I am a huge fan of The Drier sheet.
I don't know why Drake never told me how funny and cute you are.
Oh Do you know that you have a purple paint right here.
Oh all gone.
I'll see you later, Josh.
Okey.
.
.
and Dokey.
Hello mister alligators.
well hello dear.
Do you want to hear a scream?Ok.
I am going to eat you.
Ho, ho, ho happy Bath.
Have you been a good boy this year? No!Well than i think you are gone! Time for shaving.
Shaving in the bath tub, what? Shaving in the bathtub, briiiiiii.
lator gators! Shaving in the bathtub.
Susan! -Hi, Josh.
I'm sorry,About my nakedness.
Where is Drake? -Josh you don't need to be nervous around me.
Big biceps.
Do you workout? Auuu with pain in the toe.
Are you okay? Josh, what are you doing? Put some clothes on, my girlfriend is in the room.
Right.
I did not know that she was .
.
until she I told you that sometimes he can be a little.
you know.
.
Joshish.
Can somebody please hand me my underwear? Hey you guys.
Can I ask you something? YeahTell son.
What do you think of Drakes new girlfriend? Susan? She seems like a friendly girl.
-Yes, maybe a little tooooooooooo friendly? What do you mean? Welllll .
.
I .
.
I.
.
I think She likes me.
There.
.
I said it.
Of course she Likes you, what's not to like? No, I mean she liiiiiiikes me.
you know? Like remember that show on the animal channel, where the female giraffe liked the male giraffe So she started Okay.
-Okay.
Okay.
Look son, Susan is a preety girl and sometimes attractive girls get us guys a little confused.
I think what your father is trying to say is that the Suzan is being friendly to you because you are a Drakes new brother.
And because you're fun and charming young man.
Yes, you're probably right.
Thanks, I gotta go direct our video.
Do you want to watch the animal channel, where the remote.
Okay Drake, the camera is all set.
All right, Susan know what to do right? -Dance around and look good.
-You always do.
Let's do it.
Rool and ACTION! This song is for Susan.
1, 2, 3, 4! And cut! Josh, I was just looking over some of the footage we shot I am not sure we get enough of Susan Oh i got pleanty of Susan.
Drake,could you help me with this letter For my miss Nancy advice column? -Sure, Read it.
Okay.
The guy writes: Dear miss Nancy.
My step brother has a new girlfriend named Puzan.
She keeps flirting with me behind my brothers back.
How do I tell my brother about this problem i'm having with Puzan? Do this "Puzan",have anything to do with my Susan? Yeah it's true, I think susan.
.
.
wants me.
Look! I think it's cute that you've a little crush on Susan.
She has a crush on me and it ain't little.
Josh, Josh i'm sure that you thought susan was hitting on you.
I know when a girl want me, I've imagined it a thousand times.
Okay,Okay, I'll talk to her.
Seriously? -No.
But thanks for the laughs.
Wait, where are you going? -I've got a date with "Puzan".
coming! Susan.
Drakes not home.
I thought we were gonna shoot more stuff for the video today.
We are, but Drake stopped by Paul's house on the way home.
You could head over there if you want? I do not know where Paul lives.
That way! I am bad in directions.
I can lend you my compass.
Josh are you alright? You seem tense? Puzan, I.
.
I.
.
Susan.
I .
.
I've been noticing some signals.
-What do you mean? You know,signals.
.
like female giraffe gives the male giraffe an I.
seems like u been flirting with me.
But I'm sure that it was not intentional.
Josh.
It's not unintentional at all.
-I knew it! Susan! Ewww-Josh what were you trying to do, I I am Drake's girlfriend! Oh Drake you are here.
Drake! I .
.
I .
.
Not what you think.
Just a second.
Oh Dear God thank you for my very first kiss, amen.
Drake, I swear it is not what you think.
Thank you San Diego, give it up and make some noise for the Drake (oojeaaa)! Hi Drake.
Drake! Drake.
She kissed me.
It was smootching.
You gotta believe me.
Thank you for purying my sun glasses.
Do you feel better now? -No.
Because i still live with the traitor who kissed my girlfriend.
She kissed me.
Why don't you believe me I am your brother.
Brothers don't try to steal each other girlfriend.
But I didn't even try You just stay away from her, okay? -But it is .
.
-Stay away from me too.
Susan,I demand that you tell Drake the truth, you kissed me and you know it.
I'm Sorry,I can't help you're so Adorable.
Curse my boyish charm.
Whay do Shhh Here i've got these for you.
I do love Daisies, but i can't accept these because Josh! I can't accept these.
My heart belongs to Drake.
Ohhhhh come on! Unbelievable.
I told you to stay away from her.
-But i didn't she Let's get out of here.
Atleast i get to keep the Daisies.
Hello.
Helloooooooo.
If you're gonna ignore me, How are we gonna finish our music video project? I'll finish it myself.
Now take what you need, and leave Susan on its way over and i don't want you around while she is here.
Are you really gonna let some crazy girl ruin our brothership? So now you're gonna call my girlfriend crazy.
-Yes, and I can prove it.
Now when Susan gets here,you hide in the closet and see for urself how she acts when u are not around.
Forget it.
Drake! Comeon just one chance.
If I am liying I'll move out of this room and live outside on the big tree.
Spank my fear of squirrel.
Please.
Okay, fine.
You have 30 seconds.
Drake! Hi Josh, where is Drake? not home.
No no he is not t's just me and you, alone.
So well then where is he? I do not know, but wouldn't be home for quite a while.
Oh look at my knee.
Right next to your hand.
Comeon We both know that you find me adorable This is becomeing a litle uncomfortable.
Uncomfortably hot.
Come on, come get a heeping help Joshiu.
Josh! Josh it's over! But she was just about to crack.
Drake I'm so glad you're here.
He has this insane idea that i am attracted to him.
Pack up your junk and get outta here before I get back.
comeon Susan.
I forgot my purse.
Cute.
Ohhhhhh! Come on! What's she doing in this class? Drake- wanted me to see the premiere of thismusic video project.
Okay, please take your seats.
Traitor.
-Cheater-Liar.
Crazy girl who flirts with me and then lie about it! Drake, Josh I see that you want to be in the center attention.
So why don't we start with your project.
As director of the video that you are abou to see , I hope that you will notice some of the imagery that i found Here we go! This song is for Susan.
Thank you San Diego, get up and to hear the noise of Drake (oojeaaa)! Shaving in the bathtub, what? You videotaped me in the bathtub! Wasn't me.
Drake wait! Drake! That's not .
.
not what it looks like.
-Yes, neither are you.
Mr.
Headsof, if I may I'd like to say, BUSTED! Dreak, did you hear what he just said to me.
Yeah, I think he said BUSTED! Your little prank almost our whole grades.
.
I am Sorry.
You do not film a person when he is in the bathtub.
I'm sorry.
But most of all, we wanna say thanks .
I'm sor.
What? Your dump prank proved that i was telling the truth about just thank OKAY.
So does this mean you're not gonna tell Mom and Dad? That's-Right.
Your punishment .
.
is that your stunt actully helped us.
Huh.
huh.
WellTomorrow is another day.
She frightens me.
Hi Susan.
What,you guys wanna tell me off now.
-No we will not gonna yell at you, although you deserve.
Hey It's not my fault that i was attracted to both of you guys.
But now, I wouldn't wanna date eiyher one of you .
So see you.
Fair enough.
-No hard feelings.
-Be well.
-GOODDAY.
I think we handeled that very maturely.
Yes.
That felt good.
That felt better.
-Yeah it did.