DuckTales (2017) s01e03 Episode Script

1 I'm Johnny, the brains of the outfit.
And I'm his twin brother, Randy, the handsome one.
And we got ahead by building furniture.
For your feet.
Welcome to our "Ottoman Empire.
" This show is so dumb.
You could always turn off the telly.
The remote's way over there.
Oh, forget it.
Any big plans for today? Thought I'd move to the big TV in a few hours.
You know (belches) Aahh! Do we have any more Pep? You've got six full cans right here.
I only like that first sip.
Peak carbonation.
Never mind, I'll call Beakley.
Oh, man, my phone's dead.
Guess I gotta buy a new one.
Just charge it.
Eh, this one's three months old anyway.
Who cares? We're rich.
No.
I'm rich.
That's it, laddie.
You are coming to the office to learn the value of a hard day's work.
Whatcha doin'? - I'm not breaking in, you're breaking in.
- Busted.
You think I put glitter on my top-secret notebooks just because it's pretty? Well, sure, it's a perk, but I'm sorry.
I was just looking for information about my family.
You shoulda asked.
What do you want, shoe sizes, horrible dark secrets known only to your Uncle Scrooge that could change the fate of the world as we know it? - What do you know about my mom? - (gasps) What do you know about your mom? Uncle Donald just told us she was gone.
The only thing we have of her is this photo.
Photographic evidence! I've gotta add it to my Della Duck file.
You have a whole file on my mom? Seriously? This is it? I've been looking into her for years, but there's nothing.
No photos, no records.
No one even talks about her.
One time, a piece of junk mail with her name on it showed up at our door, and a day later, Scrooge bought the post office, and I never saw our mailman again.
Maybe he retired? Bad things happen to people who ask about Della Duck.
So who are we gonna ask? Life is like a hurricane Here in Duck Burg Race cars, lasers, airplanes It's a duck blur Might solve a mystery Or rewrite history Duck Tales Whoo ooh Every day they're out there making Duck Tales Whoo ooh Tales of derring-do, bad and good luck tales You have arrived at your destination.
Be back at 6:00, Launchpad.
We've a long, hard day of work ahead of us.
Gotcha, Mr.
McD.
Thanks for letting us tag along, Uncle Scrooge, but I suddenly very much have to use the bathroom.
Oh, and I will show you where to go to that place.
Oh, no, you don't.
(bell dings) What is this place? The private library of Scrooge McDuck.
If there's info about your mom, it's in here.
Go away, Webby.
For the last time, Mr.
McDuck's archives are strictly off-limits.
Except to his family.
Meet Dewey Duck.
Behold, heir of Clan McDuck, the Archives! (bell dings) (gasps) The money! You want me to count the gold? Can we go out and spend some gold to make sure it doesn't expire? There's more to money than just money.
Gold is a beautiful thing, but even something as small as a dime can have meaning.
For instance Are you out of your head? You'll crack your skull open.
But you swim in money all the time.
Yes, but I worked hard to perfect that skill, building muscles and dexterity.
If you want something, you work hard to get it.
SECRETARY: Mr.
McDuck, the board is here to see you.
We don't have a board meeting today.
No matter.
Come, lad.
Welcome to the fast-paced world of business.
As you know, revenues are down in our international markets Dawson, Lillehammer, Eldorado, and Culebra.
We feel that Shut up, everyone.
I've done something brilliant.
Ah, Gyro.
Gyro Gearloose, my head of research and development.
- I'm sorry, but we - Apology accepted.
Now try to keep up with my mind-numbing genius.
Gyro, what did we say about interacting with other people? The cards.
Fine.
"Hello, Mr.
McDuck, and others.
Are you tired of all those single-use gadgets cluttering up your junk drawer? What a mess.
There's got to be a better way!" Meet Lil' Bulb, the tiny, all-purpose robot that does it all.
Wait, what does it do? It all.
Lil' Bulb is an artificially intelligent personal robot helper.
He can make toast, find your keys, serve as a book light for your late-night reading.
You'll never have to do anything yourself again.
Mm-hmm.
And how do you ensure this one won't achieve sentience and turn evil like all the others? Only half my inventions turn evil.
The other half are just wildly misunderstood.
(buzzing) What's it doing? Waving.
It likes you.
Request denied.
(sighs) Keep at it, Gyro.
I know you'll come up with something great.
Lil' Bulb is something great.
I'll show you.
I'll show you all! And maybe wait until you're out of the room to say that next time.
A robot that does everything for you? How could you say no to that? Part of hard work is knowing how to work with others.
My board are the only people cheaper than I am.
I trust them completely to make good financial decisions Indeed.
Which is why we've called this meeting to discuss cutting your unnecessary spending here at the Money Bin.
Unnecessary?! I'm Scrooge McDuck.
I don't spend one penny more than I need to.
It's says here you're spending $15 million on magical defense.
Do you have any idea how many vengeance curses I have on my head? Think I'm just gonna go and get a drink.
Yeah.
The Collected Treasure Maps of Peruvia.
The Topographical Atlas of Plain Awful.
Scrooge's Favorite Smells, Volume 12.
Fresh cookies.
I knew it.
Focus, Webby.
We're here to find out about Della Duck.
So the blue one seeks to learn of his past.
But is he strong enough to learn the truth? Yes.
Wrong! You must first prove yourself worthy by passing the trials! (coughing) This is my new favorite library.
(bell dings) A dollar ten? Who keeps dimes on them anymore? Sweet.
Scrooge has an emergency dime.
I'll pay you back later.
But how do you justify spending $5,000 on a velvet pillow for a dime? That dime deserves its own velvet pillow.
It's my number-one dime.
The first dime I ever earned.
I was a young shoe shine in Glasgow when a man came in, his boots cemented in mud.
I worked and worked until those boots sparkled.
In return, he gave me an American dime.
That dime inspired me to move to America and find my fortune.
It means more to me than every bit of bullion in my Money Bin.
(slurping) (gulps) Uh I gotta go.
Bye.
Gotta get the dime, gotta get the dime! (sighs) (panting) (music playing over headphones) No, no, no, no (bell dings) 57? Oh, boy.
(panting) Come on! Hey.
Wait.
The dime! Ahh! Okay.
Easy.
Break in, grab the dime, sneak back downstairs, Oh, maybe stop at the vending machine.
Well, I'm dead.
WOMAN: Today we're gonna teach you how to pick a lock.
First you need a small, thin object, like a dime.
If I had that, I wouldn't need the video! No, don't switch to an ad.
This week on Ottoman Empire, we're working on an ottoman for Flintheart Glomgold.
He wants an ottoman with storage by this afternoon! (laughs) They're never gonna get that ottoman tufted in time.
Focus! Aw, there's gotta be a better way.
Fools! They'll rue the day they overlooked us, Lil' Bulb.
Ding! Wait, hold the elev (groans) So what do you know about my mom? Was she really an adventurer? Silence! Behold your first test.
You must decipher the ancient and mysterious code within.
Yes! I love codes! Dewey, you start with a Number Shift Cipher while I try a Monoalphabetic Substitution.
Pretty sure this is just a library card catalogue.
Mystery solved.
Oh, yeah? If it's just a card catalogue, then how does it know your name? Come on! (panting) Hey, Gyro Gearloose.
If this is about the Gearloose Magnetic backpack, I specifically said they should not be used as school bags.
Blathering blatherskite, one teen gets stuck to a moving school bus.
No, no, no, no, no.
Louie Duck, Scrooge's super-rich nephew.
Keep talking sir.
I can't believe Scrooge and that tired old board of his didn't see the potential in Lil' Bulb here.
I'd love to invest, but I'm gonna need to test this little guy out first.
Do you mind if I borrow him for the afternoon? Anything you say, rich nephew.
Lil' Bulb, you be good.
Don't you rise up against your masters.
Ha ha.
Just a little robot humor.
Wait.
I need to go up! (imitating Scrooge) Put in a hard day's work.
I think I'm so much smarter than Louie! Where have you been? Trying to get out of work again.
What? No.
I just, um filled up my notepad with all that precious business wisdom, so I went to go find another.
Good lad.
You're free to take as many pads as you want.
Or are we not allowed to use those either, ye penny-pinching buzzards?! No, but really.
Make sure to use the front and back of every page.
And write small.
And that's how you unlock a door.
- Good job, Louie.
- (buzzing) Finding one specific dime in this mess is gonna be a pretty big job.
You better get to it.
It's, like, a dime.
Ah, you'll find it.
Ready to put your feet up, Mr.
Glomgold? You call this an ottoman? It does not even have my face on it.
Do it again! (laughing) In order to gain knowledge from the Archives, one must first offer up knowledge.
Look, Quackfaster.
Normally I would be super-into a mysterious conspiracy quest.
But couldn't you at least give me a tiny piece of information on my mom? Dewey, don't question the ancient methods.
I'm just saying, these are feeling a little less like trials, and a little more like stalling.
It is not for us to understand the ways of the Archives.
That is literally your job.
I'm out.
She doesn't know anything.
No.
None shall leave once the Trials are undertaken.
There are those who would destroy you for the knowledge you seek.
(whispers) Just like the mailman.
Who's gonna destroy me? Scrooge? The government? The Unicorn Illuminati? Me.
- Wait.
- What?! GLOMGOLD: You expect me to put my feet up on my own face, you loons? Do it again! I used to hate this show, but now, I kinda love it.
It's like every ottoman tells a story.
Hey, you found it.
Great job little buddy.
(shrieking) If you can find me 3,000 gallons of silver polish for cheaper, I'd love to hear about it! This is getting us nowhere.
If you won't make your own cuts, then we're forced to fire staff at the Bin to save money.
The obvious choice is the archivist.
Fire Quackfaster?! Never! For 50 years, that woman's level-headedness has kept my archives secure and orderly.
You disrespect the Archives, you shall become one with the Archives! This isn't working.
Here.
Knowledge is the greatest weapon of all.
Fine.
Quackfaster stays.
But Gyro is definitely unnecessary.
Are you insane?! Gyro Gearloose is one of the most brilliant minds of our time.
You miserable piece of rust.
I am man, you are machine.
Do as I command or I will pull your plug.
Aaah! He's turned against me.
He's sucking up all the dimes.
Help, help! Oh.
If you're going to fire all the employees, why don't you just go ahead and shut the whole Bin down? You do have a perfectly good office downtown.
Do you really need a Money Bin? I think we lost her.
Foolish child.
You do not know what you think you know.
I don't know anything, and it's really frustrating! - Louie! - Louie, over here.
(screams) Uh, never mind.
Look, a distraction.
Lazy Tuesday was an afternoon of TV.
Hard working was giant robot attack.
Great life lesson, Scrooge.
No! You are not evil.
You are good, Lil' Bulb.
Good.
You cannot get rid of the Bin.
You may think they're crackpots and weirdos, but they're the ones who push innovation, and creativity, and spur this company ever forward.
Just a little malfunction.
Definitely not evil.
Look, they're all mad as loons, and if you fire them, they're definitely going to seek revenge.
All in favor of keeping the Bin and everyone in it far away from our offices.
ALL: Aye! No!! Come on! (panting) No.
No, no, no, no, no! Mine, mine.
Wait! Wait, wait, mine! Of course.
Book throw, book throw.
Throwing books.
This is our last book.
Make it count.
What are you doing? Don't come any closer, or the book gets it.
I will crease this corner, man, so back off.
Tell me about my mom.
Why don't you see for yourself? This is it.
This is it! This is nothing.
Wait.
I've seen that number before.
Follow me.
Just a dime, just a dime.
Oh, a quarter! Wait, there it is.
Oh, I know what went wrong.
This is a 75-watt bulb.
Lil' Bulb's only built for 50.
Ha ha, he just went a little mad with power.
Whoa, what the So you write me a check or (growls) A pleasure as always.
I'll be in my office if you need me.
Please don't need me.
I don't understand.
It should be here somewhere.
Wait.
These books.
They're all out of order.
Quackfaster's a lot of things, but she's not sloppy.
QUACKFASTER: Use your training.
The most valuable knowledge must be learned.
Okay, how much of this is about us doing your work for you? About 50%.
Curse me kilts! Come on, come on, you got this! Oh, there you are.
(panting) I can't catch my breath.
Don't be so dramatic.
A little work never killed anybody.
Okay, here goes.
Ow! What is up with this stupid library? COMPUTER VOICE: McDuck family DNA recognized.
Wow! Mom Why would this stuff be hidden? - I gotta show Huey and Louie.
- Wait.
What's this? DEWEY: "Scrooge, I've taken the Spear of Selene.
I'm sorry.
Della.
" Wait, what did she take? Why is she sorry? Did she betray your Uncle Scrooge? We can't tell anyone about this until we find out what it means.
I'm proud of you, lad.
You put in a full day at the office.
I think you've earned this.
You're giving me your number-one dime? It's not my lucky dime.
I never let my dime out of my sight.
That was just a decoy.
I'm not an idiot.
This place is full of lunatics.
A dime sure means more when you have to work for it, eh, lad? Maybe I'll get my own velvet pillow for this baby.
Oh, hold up.
Noooooo!! Gyro creates robot.
Robot gains free will.
Robot turns on Gyro.
Gyro controls robot.
Gyro is robot.