Eagleheart (2010) s01e03 Episode Script

It's so beautiful up here.
Samantha Will you make me the happiest escrow officer in the world and be my wife? I will! I will! I will! I will! Oh! I will take that ring, that is.
Why don't you go marry that parking lot down there, you dumb piece of [bleep.]
Oh, my God! You killed him.
Well, if you miss him so much, then why don't you join him?! No! Give me your money! [Bleep.]
you! Help! Police! Police? News flash, balloon boy, there's no law up here.
Sky crime! Excuse me.
Excuse me.
- Aah! - Hey! Get your own cone! Oh, geez.
Three more victims of senseless sky crime.
Oh, well.
Witnesses say they were all pushed out of a hot-air balloon.
Well, thank God none of our cars were damaged.
Hey, chief, where do you think you're going? Now, Chris Monsanto doesn't walk away from a triple drop-n-plop mental clop.
Sounds like you need to brush up on your town statutes, Chris.
Anything that happens in the sky is perfectly legal.
Who do you think did this? Well, if I were a betting man, which I am in the sky casinos, I'd say this was the work of The Baron.
What is that? That, my friend, is the Baron's home Cloudtopia.
The Baron is the unquestioned lord and master of the criminal overworld.
Ruthless, sadistic, and completely untouchable, he operates out of Cloudtopia, the mother ship from which all sky crime originates.
Wait a second.
So you're telling me anything that happens in the sky is legal and there's a giant crime blimp flying around this place? Yes.
I don't know how I missed that.
Well, no matter.
It's time to scrub the clouds and return the sky to God.
Whoa, there, Monsanto.
As long as you're down here, you're bound by the laws of the ground.
Whoo! Thank you, all.
What has happened to my hookers and my drug dealers? Sorry, Baron, they're - Dead.
- Dead?! Damn it.
I was counting on their proceeds to complete operation groundless.
Some marshal is waging war against sky crime.
Says he won't quit till he puts you out of commission.
Monsant Something.
- Marshal Monsantfield, you're about to - No, it's actually Monsanto.
Marshal Monsanto, you're about to find out the sky's the limit Of your life.
So, the pizza guy says, "Hey, I just dropped all these strombolis on the floor.
I'll let you have 'em half price.
" So, naturally, I'm like, "What flavors are they?" And just as he was about to tell me, I woke up.
You already told me this.
W what was that? Oh, marshals! Come out, come out, wherever you are! The Baron! Aah! Aah! Hey, Brett, your shoe fell off your blow-up doll.
Where did you find that? Out right outside.
Good God.
What? The drop-tile ceiling? I know.
They're so dated.
Susie and Brett have been sky-napped by the Baron.
You have to go up to Cloudtopia and rescue them.
Both of them? Well, concentrate on Susie, but if you can get Brett, it would save me a lot of paperwork.
Sure, chief.
You know that's what I live for.
Okay.
Marshal! Uh, no, no.
I'm, uh, just impersonating a marshal.
Oh, nice.
- Good sky crime.
- Thanks.
Name's Grunke.
Get you anything you want.
Yellows, reds, goofballs, high-hats I got it all.
No.
Thank you.
That's fine.
Although, come to think of it, a high-hat actually sounds kind of tasty right about now.
Wait a minute.
Now that I see you in profile You are a marshal! Well, you're in cloud country now.
Up here, anything goes! See what I mean? Hey, what are you doing to Grunke?! I'm gonna have sex with his corpse.
Oh.
Nice.
Good sky crime.
Bunch of wackos up here.
Monsanto's taking his sweet time.
Take these two to the snake pit.
Snake pit? Ugh! Hey, Baron! Looky what I got here Marshal Monsanto.
I killed him.
I killed him real dead-like, too.
Nice work, friend! - What's your name? - Uh, Chiss.
Welcome to Cloudtopia "Chizz.
" Please, stay as my guest.
Later, we're going to watch pirated DVDs and gay-marry each other.
Oh.
Yeah, spot on.
- Let me show you around.
- Okay.
Drugs, guns, prostitution, loitering, vandalism, and all manner of cruelty.
If it's illegal down there, you can find it up here.
We even have Cuban cigars.
- Ooh! May I? - Actually, no.
These are just a symbolic token of our disdain for the law.
Smoking is the one thing not allowed in Cloudtopia.
This is a hydrogen-filled airship highly combustible.
Can I get you something to drink? Yeah, sure.
- Here you are.
- I thank you, sir.
Please tell me that was a sausage.
Ew! - You're next, sweet cheeks.
- Hey, buddy, buddy.
Change of plans.
Baron wants these two freakos.
- For what? - Eh, I don't know.
He says something upstairs isn't illegal enough.
I just work here.
- Say no more.
- Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
- Ooh! Ahh! Nice chomping there, Brett.
- It was chewy like a bicycle tire.
All right.
Get up, get up, get up! Move it out! Move it! All right, guys, follow my lead, and we'll get out of here, okay? Okay, get those on.
Come on.
Let's go.
Let's go.
We're getting out of here.
Where are you going with my marshals? We're getting off this "blump.
" I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Chizz.
There's only one day you can leave Cloudtopia Splatter-day.
I got news for you.
My name ain't Chiss.
It's Chris Chris Marshal, U.
S.
Monsanto.
Ohh! This is kind of nice! Ahh! Oh, God! The ground! No! Okay! Come on! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, honey.
Hold on.
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Smoking is the one thing not allowed in Cloudtopia.
Hydrogen-filled airship.
Not allowed.
Hydrogen.
Highly combustible.
Smoking.
Not allowed.
Highly combustible.
Symbolic token.
Not allowed.
Anything goes, except smoking, that is.
I guess, in this case, smoking is bad for your health.
Yes! Geronimo! It's good to be back on el groundo de firmo.
Chris, you must have killed hundreds of people.
Sky crime.