EastSiders (2012) s01e03 Episode Script
Episode 3
1 Sorry - Brunch shift.
- No.
Someday we can get brunch.
Someday.
[CONSTANT KNOCKING.]
Hi.
Thom's drunk friend from the bar.
That's me, Thom's drunk friend.
Can we Can we talk? Sure.
Do you have anything to drink? I'm not an alcoholic.
It's cool.
It's a Saturday.
Thanks.
Mmm-hmm.
- So, Thom and I - Motherfucker.
Yeah.
He's cheating on me? No, he's cheating on me, actually.
Four years.
Sorry.
Oh Well, I guess that makes me feel better.
Good, that is why I'm here.
Why are you here? He was supposed to tell you Before Christmas.
I saw your texts.
If I were you, I would've just taped a note to a brick or something.
I still might.
I was probably the only person who didn't see it coming.
I guess he never talked about me.
I'm telling his mother.
Get out your phone.
Call him.
Call him.
Wait, no I don't know.
I guess you seemed nice Your face.
I'm aware I'm basing this entirely on something as superficial as your physical appearance.
But, yeah.
You seemed nice.
And just completely unaware Of anything.
Thank you.
You know, I try really hard to be a good person.
There's people hurting all around me, and I just want to help them to be happy.
You know, I think about it in every situation.
What would a good person do? Because I know inherently, I'm not.
I'm just aspiring.
That sounds exhausting.
It is.
I'm sorry.
Fuck it.
I'm not, I don't think.
Babe, I've got something to tell you.
Babe, I've got something to tell you.
Babe, I've got something to tell you.
Babe, I've got something to tell you.
Babe, I've got something to tell you.
We need to talk, so sit down.
Funny story, Babe.
When I asked you to marry me, I wasn't actually trying to ask you to marry me, per se.
It's just that you seemed really irrationally upset that I hadn't gotten you an anniversary present.
And I didn't even know that we were dating dating, actually, so I just bought a ring off some chick at the bar, and then I dropped it because I'm clumsy.
I've always been clumsy, you know that.
Then I bent down to pick it up, and when I looked up, there you were, just saying yes.
Just so fast.
And I, uh Hey, babe! Babe, I can explain.
- So it was all an accident? - More like a misunderstanding.
So you don't want to marry me? No, it's not that I don't want to marry you, it's just that I Well, yeah, I guess I don't want to marry you.
Oh, thank God.
- You're not mad? - No, I'm not mad.
I could kiss you.
Come here.
Yes! - I love you.
- Oh! No, I mean Just stop.
I hate you.
- What? - I meant, I hate me.
Yeah Me too.
You hate me? No, I mean Cause I do actually just fucking hate you.
So you want to know who was better? Fuck you.
I've never done this before.
What? With a guy? With anyone other than Thom.
No.
It wasn't obvious? No.
So are you guys gonna try to stay together? Open things up? - No, that'd just be - Against your moral code? Sorry.
No, you're right.
No.
I have to go.
And if Thom calls me? Do whatever you want.
I was gonna ask what you wanted me to say, or not say I'll tell him.
I should be the one to tell him.
What's gonna happen, do you think? That's personal.
That's personal.
You can call me too, you know.
I'm just gonna get dressed outside.
- Hey.
- Hey.
How's crazy Kathy? Such a mess.
She doesn't know how to break it to him.
Ahh.
Poor guy.
Yeah.
You know, I'm really glad that we don't have communication issues.
[LAUGHS.]
So maybe we should take this shit down? Yeah.
Maybe we should leave it up Just for a little while.
You want to? Yeah.
I do.
Okay.
- No.
Someday we can get brunch.
Someday.
[CONSTANT KNOCKING.]
Hi.
Thom's drunk friend from the bar.
That's me, Thom's drunk friend.
Can we Can we talk? Sure.
Do you have anything to drink? I'm not an alcoholic.
It's cool.
It's a Saturday.
Thanks.
Mmm-hmm.
- So, Thom and I - Motherfucker.
Yeah.
He's cheating on me? No, he's cheating on me, actually.
Four years.
Sorry.
Oh Well, I guess that makes me feel better.
Good, that is why I'm here.
Why are you here? He was supposed to tell you Before Christmas.
I saw your texts.
If I were you, I would've just taped a note to a brick or something.
I still might.
I was probably the only person who didn't see it coming.
I guess he never talked about me.
I'm telling his mother.
Get out your phone.
Call him.
Call him.
Wait, no I don't know.
I guess you seemed nice Your face.
I'm aware I'm basing this entirely on something as superficial as your physical appearance.
But, yeah.
You seemed nice.
And just completely unaware Of anything.
Thank you.
You know, I try really hard to be a good person.
There's people hurting all around me, and I just want to help them to be happy.
You know, I think about it in every situation.
What would a good person do? Because I know inherently, I'm not.
I'm just aspiring.
That sounds exhausting.
It is.
I'm sorry.
Fuck it.
I'm not, I don't think.
Babe, I've got something to tell you.
Babe, I've got something to tell you.
Babe, I've got something to tell you.
Babe, I've got something to tell you.
Babe, I've got something to tell you.
We need to talk, so sit down.
Funny story, Babe.
When I asked you to marry me, I wasn't actually trying to ask you to marry me, per se.
It's just that you seemed really irrationally upset that I hadn't gotten you an anniversary present.
And I didn't even know that we were dating dating, actually, so I just bought a ring off some chick at the bar, and then I dropped it because I'm clumsy.
I've always been clumsy, you know that.
Then I bent down to pick it up, and when I looked up, there you were, just saying yes.
Just so fast.
And I, uh Hey, babe! Babe, I can explain.
- So it was all an accident? - More like a misunderstanding.
So you don't want to marry me? No, it's not that I don't want to marry you, it's just that I Well, yeah, I guess I don't want to marry you.
Oh, thank God.
- You're not mad? - No, I'm not mad.
I could kiss you.
Come here.
Yes! - I love you.
- Oh! No, I mean Just stop.
I hate you.
- What? - I meant, I hate me.
Yeah Me too.
You hate me? No, I mean Cause I do actually just fucking hate you.
So you want to know who was better? Fuck you.
I've never done this before.
What? With a guy? With anyone other than Thom.
No.
It wasn't obvious? No.
So are you guys gonna try to stay together? Open things up? - No, that'd just be - Against your moral code? Sorry.
No, you're right.
No.
I have to go.
And if Thom calls me? Do whatever you want.
I was gonna ask what you wanted me to say, or not say I'll tell him.
I should be the one to tell him.
What's gonna happen, do you think? That's personal.
That's personal.
You can call me too, you know.
I'm just gonna get dressed outside.
- Hey.
- Hey.
How's crazy Kathy? Such a mess.
She doesn't know how to break it to him.
Ahh.
Poor guy.
Yeah.
You know, I'm really glad that we don't have communication issues.
[LAUGHS.]
So maybe we should take this shit down? Yeah.
Maybe we should leave it up Just for a little while.
You want to? Yeah.
I do.
Okay.