Elsbeth (2024) s01e03 Episode Script

1
TRACY: Cheers, ladies.
Now, who is ready to bake some cupcakes
and raise some money for
Peyronie's Disease Awareness?
Oh, so we're going to act
like nothing happened.
- What are you talking about?
- I heard you told Shusie
that I wouldn't come
to her product launch.
Tracy, Wendy, this is not
the time or the place.
This is not your story, Maisie.
I never said that.
I said you'd show up late.
You always do.
- That is not what she said.
- I don't care what that bitch said.
I'm the one who has your back.
And I have your back, too.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
All right, let's make some cupcakes.
- I have just the thing that'll help.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, you carried that here?
Yeah. Wendy's Blendies
are light as a feather.
And after cupcakes, we can make
some healthy green smoothies.
How are they selling? I hear not well.
Oh, no, they're really
catching on, yeah.
Especially when people see
how powerful they are.
- [BLENDER WHIRRING]
- [FEEDBACK SQUEALS]
They're gonna want to get one for Mom
All right, cut.
- [BLENDER OFF]
- WENDY: What?
I need a mic off with Wendy.
Somebody's in trouble.
[SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE]
Wendy, we talked about you
pushing your blenders on the show.
Lavish Ladies is supposed
to be a launching pad
for other ventures.
I know. You all want to
be Bethenny Frankel,
but you're not Bethenny Frankel
And you're not Andy Cohen.
He has a franchise.
Why do you want to hurt me?
Okay, nobody knew who
you were before the show.
Yeah, but they do now.
I'm season one.
I am so tired of you
telling me what to do.
Wendy, what are you doing?
It's me, okay?
I'm not just your producer,
I'm your friend who loves you.
And when you get like this,
you drive people away.
This is why you're alone.
I don't want that for you.
Oh, Skip, I love you, too.
I love that I'm your favorite.
Oh, you are. Come here.
You are my favorite. From season one.
I'm just all mixed up.
The blenders aren't selling.
I can't stop thinking about
what happened to Katricia.
Katricia was bad TV.
Okay? You know that.
Something had to be done.
I just feel like I can't keep
it secret much longer.
This is not the time or the place.
I agree. Why don't you
come see me tonight?
Valencia has the night off.
We'll discuss terms?
You know where to find me.
Somebody go buy some cupcakes
and pretend that they made them.
Skip, hi. Are we still on for tonight?
- Drinks at 9:00.
- Oh
- You promised.
- Oh, right, right, right, right.
But, Tracy, try to be on
time for once, all right?
Mm, you know me so well.
That's how I know I'm your favorite.
- Yeah.
- Mwah.
Bye.
[SECURITY KEYPAD BEEPING]
Ah. [INHALES SHARPLY]
Okay, do we really have to do this here?
This is where I take all my
most important meetings.
Okay. So, what do you want?
You make it sound so impersonal.
Don't you feel bad about
what you did to Katricia?
Mm, what we did?
She's in bad shape
since she left the show.
She lost her kids.
I just wish there was
something I could do.
Aw, come off it, Wendy.
I don't believe all this deep
concern for a second.
- You don't?
- What will it take
to keep all this between us?
Do you honestly think I'm that ruthless?
I want executive producer credit
and all that goes with it.
Casting approval, editorial
control, network support
of Wendy's Blendies,
including on-camera
testimonial from you.
- Oh, you actually think that
- I'm not done.
I want 15% of foreign sales,
17% of streaming,
and favored nations participation.
- With all the ladies?
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
With you.
[LAUGHS]
Okay.
Oh, you're insane.
Okay, but you can't have it.
- Any of it.
- That's okay.
I'm sure you're gonna do
just fine in prison.
Let me, uh, call corporate.
Oh, that's right.
You're not really the boss, are you?
All done.
Oh, Skippy, yay.
How about we celebrate
with some margaritas?
We're gonna have so much fun.
WENDY: We're gonna be full partners
making every decision together.
I just get final say.
For starters, I don't think Tracy
needs to be on every week.
A little of her goes a long way.
Hey, I see what you're doing.
Don't mess with me, Skip.
There better be at least
three temazepam in there,
or I'm not gonna feel anything.
Oh. I'm gonna need an
office right next to yours,
so we can be in constant contact.
Which means I'm gonna get your
private cell number, finally.
You're gonna have to turn
your location services on
so I can reach you whenever I want.
- [BLENDER WHIRRING NOISILY]
- Ooh, that looks good.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
Oh.
[SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE]
Sweetie, I'm not mad, okay?
You know I got your back.
TRACY: I'm sorry I'm late!
I'm here.
And Tracy just got here.
Oh, only a few minutes
late. It's a miracle.
All right, I'll see you tomorrow, Wendy.
Love you. Bye.
- Okay. Ready?
- Mm-hmm.
KAYA: Ms. Tascioni.
I don't know why I find it
so hard not to push buttons.
It's up this way.
You know, you really
should call me Elsbeth.
And can I call you Kaya?
- I guess. Whatever.
- Such a pretty name.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
I had no idea that people live like this
in the middle of Manhattan.
Some people do.
Well, it beats my short-term rental,
which is nothing like the photos online.
But I guess it's hard to
photograph cockroaches.
Ooh, I don't like cockroaches,
but that's just me.
Ooh, sparkly.
- That's fun.
- WOMAN: Don't touch that.
- Who are you?
- Elsbeth Tascioni.
Elsbeth? What kind of name is that?
Frustrating, but you get used to it.
Ms. Tascioni is here
on the consent decree
for Major Cases.
Oh, right.
A few wrongful arrests in the unit,
and now we're stuck
with the police police.
This is Detective Donnelly.
You gonna mess with me, Elsbeth?
Oh, I don't think that
would be a good idea.
But can you tell me what happened here?
- I guess I have to, don't I?
- Mm.
The deceased, one Wendy
Wexler, probably inebriated,
she knocked a blender into her tub,
and she electrocuted herself.
Uh, time of death was 9:02,
as recorded by the generator
that got tripped when
the circuit shorted out.
OFFICER: We found her phone in the tub.
Put that in a bowl of rice.
It should work tomorrow.
- Back away.
- Sorry.
- You were saying?
- Time of death 9:02.
The housekeeper Valencia
found her this morning.
I am not a housekeeper.
I am a paid intern.
It's a stupid and pointless way to go.
Why do people insist on mixing
frozen cocktails in the bathroom?
KAYA: I hate to say it,
but this is just the kind
of thing Wendy would do.
Yeah.
- Wait, you knew her?
- Not really.
She was a Lavish Lady.
Well, you can tell by her
bathroom. [CHUCKLES]
No, she was on a reality show.
Lavish Ladies?
Oh, I've seen ads for
that at the dentist.
Wait, are you a fan?
I guess. I've seen every
episode, a few times.
You should speak up.
This is a great opportunity for you.
Detective Donnelly.
- What are you doing?
- Excuse me, Detective,
but Officer Blanke here
happens to be an expert
on the deceased's reality show.
- I did not say expert.
- Oh, really?
Because we just found her
shooting schedule for today,
and we were gonna head
over and break the news.
Well, I think that Officer Blanke and I
should definitely be there, too,
'cause she'll know exactly who's who.
See? How about that?
Okay. Can you please not
share my personal business
without asking?
I don't understand. What did I do?
I don't need people at work
knowing my TV-watching habits.
I like to be taken seriously.
Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't think.
Um, should I tell Detective Donnelly
that you'd rather not go?
Oh, no, no. Mm-mm.
No, I mean, it's fine.
It's too late now, right?
- [LAUGHTER]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Shusie, you know what you said.
I can't believe you'd take her side
when I'm the one who has your back.
Girls, this is not the
time or the place.
SHUSIE: Oh, please.
This is exactly the time
- and exactly
- DONNELLY: Mr. Mason?
I'm Detective Donnelly, NYPD.
- This is Officer Blanke.
- And I'm Elsbeth Tascioni.
Elizabeth?
No, Elsbeth.
I know, it's half the syllables,
but somehow twice the effort.
Well, we're used to funny
names around here.
What-what can I do for you?
- Do you mind?
- Sorry. Uh, that's enough.
Huh.
Sparkly.
Excuse me?
Little bits of glitter.
Uh, yeah, yeah. I'm a
I'm afraid there's glitter everywhere.
The ladies use it in their
hair, in their makeup.
In the bathtub?
I wouldn't be surprised.
No, I have a feeling you wouldn't be.
Thank you. Um, so, what's going on?
Uh, this is about Wendy Wexler.
There's been an accident.
Oh, God. What kind of accident?
I'm-I'm sorry. Is she all right?
She's dead.
What? No. What?
- How?
- KAYA: It seems she was using a blender
- while taking a bubble bath.
- And it fell in?
- Something like that.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, I-I told her she was
drinking too much.
It was so sad. She-she wouldn't listen.
She started spiking her smoothies
after she got dumped by
Pierre the art dealer.
You're a fan of the show?
I'm very touched.
Thank you.
Mr. Mason, I wonder, would
it be possible for the police
to ask people some questions?
I thought you are the police.
Oh, no, they are.
I'm like the police police.
That is such a good way of putting it.
No, I'm just here to make
sure everything is done right.
They've had some teeny
corruption problems.
[INHALES]
Oh. Ooh.
Um, yes, yes. Talk to whoever you like.
You're part of the Lavish
Ladies family now. Hmm?
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, God.
Wendy. [STAMMERS] To die
in such a senseless accident.
It's-its Mmm. In the bathtub?
Mmm, with glitter in it.
Well, she always knew how to sparkle.
Okay, I guess I need
to go tell the others.
[INHALES SHARPLY]
Ooh, this is so gonna be hard.
ELSBETH: Shouldn't
they stop the cameras?
- [WOMEN EXCLAIMING]
- Are you kidding?
Funny, this doesn't feel like reality.
It's so sparkly.
[CRYING]
♪
♪
- Oh, hello there, Kaya.
- Hi.
You know, I am so interested
in that reality show,
but I don't really want to start all
the way back at the beginning,
so I was wondering if you could
give me a crash course,
maybe if I bought you dinner?
- Tonight?
- [GASPS] I happen to be free.
That's fun.
Don't say anything
without a lawyer present.
You can thank me later.
- Ms. Tascioni.
- Hmm?
Good morning, Captain Wagner.
Ms. Tascioni, what are you doing here?
Oh, you know.
- Observing.
- Yeah? You can't be doing that.
But the consent decree
You're supposed to observe
high-profile investigations,
not get into every little thing.
- Oh, I don't mind.
- My officers do.
Focus on this woman's
accident in her bathtub.
It's not even a homicide
and it's eating up my day.
Actually, I'm not sure
it was an accident.
- In fact
- I don't want to hear it.
And I don't want you hovering.
Well, maybe if I had a real office
It's just that storage
closet is so small.
I mean, I've been trying
with these different paint
and wallpaper samples, but
it's a very challenging space.
Well, maybe it's time we
put you someplace else.
Oh.
- Noonan.
- Uh, ooh.
Are all these, um, awards yours?
What did Wali do now?
Ooh, who-who's Wally?
Is he that angry guy
that came to talk to you?
And is that a first name or a last name?
Ms. Tascioni, please forget
you ever heard that name.
Well, you just made that
impossible. [LAUGHS]
- Try.
- Okay.
Lieutenant Noonan,
Ms. Tascioni needs a real office.
Someplace she can put down her tote bags
and stay out of everybody's business.
What have we got on the fifth floor?
Fifth floor?
This is the second floor.
That would put me
Mm-hmm.
Actually, I am very happy in the closet.
Ooh, that didn't sound right.
Um, I'm fine.
Really. Although I could use some
help getting to the window.
Noonan, go give her a hand.
Why would anyone watch this?
So, have you known
Captain Wagner a long time?
Only 25 years.
We started at the academy together,
and then we were partners.
Police captain is such an important job,
all those high-profile investigations.
There must be some sticky situations.
Not if you're a man of integrity,
and nobody's got more
integrity than C.W. Wagner.
Oh, my.
He sounds almost too good to be true.
So, um, why was that Wally guy so angry?
You ask a lot of questions.
Maybe too many.
Ah.
All right, there you are.
Oh, hurray.
[PASSING HORN HONKS]
I can make this work somehow.
Thank you very much, Lieutenant.
Mm-hmm.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
ELSBETH: Okay, let me see
if I can get this straight.
So, Shusie whose name
I love, by the way
slept with Maisie's husband
- Ex-husband.
- ex-husband Ryan,
who faked having multiple sclerosis
- in an insurance fraud.
- Now you got it.
Wow. This show is amazing.
Okay, so now we can
move on to season five.
Can I just say, you're
an amazing teacher.
It's easy.
These women are like my friends.
- Oh, stop.
- No, it's true.
They're like my friends
who I think are messed up,
but I also envy their lives.
And real estate.
Well, I don't see why.
- Your life is so interesting.
- Mmm.
You even live in a place called Queens.
On my way here, I saw so many
exciting things on the 7 train.
And I thought, "Kaya never
has to scream for a cop,
'cause she is one."
That is a perk.
Yeah, and I love your house.
Where did you get all this stuff?
Thrift stores, mostly.
The molding and the wallpaper
Did it all myself,
with the help of my
other friends on HGTV.
Well, I like it much better
than anything on Lavish Ladies.
Thanks.
Okay, so, season five
is when Katricia has
her Montauk meltdown.
You don't have my back,
any of you,
and I don't want you to have my back
because this back is mine.
Tricia, we all love you.
Well, I don't love you.
I don't love anybody.
Not my husband, not my kids.
- Not even my clothes.
- Oh, stop.
I hate my clothes!
- WOMAN: Yuck.
- [SHOUTS]
No, stop. Stop. This is too awful.
Yep. Katricia left the show after that.
Well, no wonder.
If I were her, I'd be
mad at that Skip guy
for putting that on TV.
In fact
I think he may have killed Wendy.
Mmm, that doesn't make any sense.
He created the show,
and plucked them from
already wealthy obscurity.
Why would he harm one of
his original meal tickets?
Okay. Well, just for
the sake of argument,
what if it wasn't an accident?
And if it wasn't Skip,
who was Wendy's biggest rival?
You sure you don't want a glass?
Oh, no, I'm fine.
- I'm on duty.
- And is that really a glass
- or a goblet?
- I don't know.
Because it holds a lot.
I'm still shaken up.
- Wendy was my best friend.
- Really?
Mm-hmm.
But you were such rivals.
Oh, please.
That was just an act, to make good TV.
It was?
We'd call each other every night
and plan what we'd fight about
the next day on camera.
I tried her that night,
but I got no answer.
- What time was that?
- I don't know.
After I got home from seeing Skip.
You were with Skip that night?
We met for drinks at 9:00.
[GASPS] Oh, in fact,
he was leaving a message
for Wendy when I got there.
Did Skip know that you and Wendy
planned your scenes together?
[CHUCKLING]: Oh, please.
Skip likes to think he's the mastermind.
God forbid we should
think for ourselves,
- or he should pay us.
- Wait, you don't get paid?
Not what we deserve.
Trust me, reality doesn't pay.
And Wendy had money troubles.
That's why she kept
pushing her blenders.
And why Skip had to pull her
off set that day for a mic off.
What's a mic off?
No mics, so nobody can hear.
I could tell he was pretty pissed.
Everyone here in the
Lavish Ladies family
is devastated by the
tragic accidental death
of Wendy Wexler.
Um, it's hard to imagine Lavish
Ladies without her, but, uh
Let's-let's do this later.
I'm not feeling it.
Um thank you.
No, other side.
Your right your right side.
- Just gotta push.
- Oh. [CHUCKLES]
- [SKIP CHUCKLES]
- Thank you. Sorry.
- SKIP: Thank you.
- Oh. Sorry.
Uh, Elsbeth, right?
Oh, yes. Very good.
Well, we might have to change your name
if we ever get you on TV.
Oh, gosh. [LAUGHS]
I don't think I'd do well on television.
I'm not so sure.
Just get you a stylist
So, what brings you back to me so soon?
Um Uh, well, you said that
we could talk to anybody,
so we just had a nice little
chat with Tracy Crenshaw.
Ooh. Oh, poor Tracy.
She and Wendy had such
a rocky relationship.
It must make this even more painful.
Yeah.
Tracy said she was with
you the night Wendy died.
That is true. Uh, yes, we had drinks.
I remember I was leaving a message
for Wendy when Tracy arrived.
I can show you the time on my phone.
Isn't that what she said?
That's exactly what she said.
[CHUCKLES] Sorry. Um
Why are you asking these questions
when Wendy's death was an accident?
Oh, you know, that darn consent decree,
I just have to make sure that
the police get everything right
in their report. [CLEARS THROAT]
So Tracy said that you
pulled Wendy off set
for a "mic off"?
Uh, yes, she was hijacking
the scene to sell blenders.
Wendy always had money problems,
so she had to do these side
hustles to pay the bills
the blenders, personal
appearances, cameos.
I told her she was only
hurting her brand, but
ah, you couldn't reason with
her when she was drinking.
- She drank a lot?
- Oh, it was so sad.
Believe me, I kept the worst of
it off the show. [CHUCKLES]
Oh
So you get to decide
what the audience sees.
Of course.
I can make people look any way
I want with enough footage.
I knew how to keep Wendy relatable.
If people knew all the ugly stuff,
oof, they'd be shocked.
[INHALES]
Maybe not the best choice of words
Speaking of editing, um,
I'm afraid I do have work to do.
Oh, of course, um
This has been so helpful.
- Good luck with that report.
- [CHUCKLING]
Huh.
- That's so interesting.
- What is?
Well, you keep saying how
Wendy's drinking was so sad.
- It was.
- Right.
But margaritas aren't
really a sad drink.
Margaritas are a happy drink.
- What do you mean?
- Well
The people that I've known
with a drinking problem,
when they're alone, they just want to
[CLICKS TONGUE] get it in 'em.
They don't fire up
the old blender and
slice a lime.
- I suppose that's my fault.
- It is?
After being on the show for so long,
Wendy lived her life like there
was always a camera running.
Putting on a show to hide her pain.
Huh.
That does sort of make sense.
But I guess we'll never know.
Oh
I think we'll figure it out.
♪
[PHONE BEEPS]
Yeah, uh, stop what you're doing.
We need to put some footage
together for the police.
They need our help.
Hi.
Skip said that Wendy did cameos.
Did she play small parts in movies?
No, she did cameos.
You know, like when
people pay celebrities
to record a message for someone?
Oh !
[LAUGHS]
When did she do her last
one? Can we see it?
Maybe, if it's trending
She's a celebrity who just
died in a freakish way.
Would that be trending?
Hey, Samantha. I hope
I'm saying that right.
It's me, Wendy Wexler.
I am just here enjoying a
Plushy Glitter Bath Bomb.
It is so luxurious,
I am proud to be a paid spokesperson.
Anyway, your bestie Mandy
told me that you just got
your Alexander Technique Certificate,
so congratulations, girl!
You crushed it!
Why am I looking at this?
That was recorded 23 minutes
before the time of death.
Okay, so?
Where's the wine glass?
- What?
- She's holding a wine glass.
There was a margarita glass found
in the tub, but no wine glass.
WAGNER: Well, maybe she
wanted a different drink,
so she went down to the kitchen
and got a different glass.
Naked and dripping wet?
Officer Blanke, you,
apparently, are the expert.
She could have.
ELSBETH: But it's extremely unlikely.
And why was Skip Mason so eager
to prove his alibi with Tracy?
Maybe because he doesn't want to
be wrongfully accused of murder.
And who gave you the authority
to interview Skip Mason?
He did. He said we're
part of the family.
- Okay, here's my theory
- I don't want more theories.
The evidence is clear.
Wendy Wexler died by accident
by knocking her blender into the bathtub
because she was drunk.
DONNELLY: Not necessarily.
What now?
The autopsy results.
The deceased had very little
alcohol in her system.
There was some Temazepam
and tequila found in the bathwater,
- but she was sober.
- See?
DONNELLY: Also, we dusted
everything on the tray for prints.
And there were none.
Not even Wendy's. Somebody
may have wiped them down.
[SIGHS]
Go back to the house and
see what you can find.
Where did Skip put the wine glass?
- Skip Mason had no motive.
- That we know about.
What about Wendy's ex-husband?
- He moved to Dubai.
- Right.
[GASPS] There was space on
the tray for an extra glass.
He must have put them back.
[GASPS]
No wine glass in the sink.
And she clearly didn't
wash her own dishes.
No.
[GASPS] Aha!
You see that?
Glitter. From the bath bomb.
And I'll bet
Yes!
Glitter on the wine glass
and on an extra margarita glass.
She wasn't drinking alone.
Whoever killed Wendy
thought that they cleaned
these well enough,
but they didn't.
We know, there's glitter
all over the place.
- You can't get rid of it.
- Exactly.
It takes a manicure
like the one that Skip Mason got
the morning after the murder.
You can't build this case on glitter.
You don't have to.
Turns out Valencia, the housekeeper
- "Paid intern."
- Turns out she has a record.
Assaulted her former employer.
But what about Skip?
Yeah, about him
Wendy's phone dried out.
We got it working again.
Password was her actual birthday.
Do you mind?
- Sorry.
- She left this message
exactly two minutes
after the time of death.
SKIP [RECORDING]: Hey, Wen, it's Skip.
Look, I'm not, I'm not mad, uh
You know I've got your back
TRACY [RECORDING]: I cannot
believe I am actually on time.
- Yay for me!
- SKIP: Tracy just got here.
Only a few minutes late. It's a miracle.
Love you, Wen. See you tomorrow.
Tracy met him on the street,
in front of a bar 20 minutes away.
Just like he said.
- Airtight alibi.
- Told ya.
[EXHALES]
Valencia, how many times
do I have to tell you
that when you get here
you need to unload the dishwasher.
Okay, that is not the
job of a "paid intern."
Sweetie, your job is what I say it is.
- [CHUCKLES]
- And now, please go clean my toilets.
Again, not my job.
That brings me to my next subject
[LAUGHING] This is hilarious.
I wish they put it on the show.
Where did all this come from?
Outtakes. Skip Mason put it together.
Of course he did.
He can make a person
look any way he wants to,
given enough footage.
I swear to God, Wendy,
I'm going to kill you!
So you killed her.
- That's ridiculous.
- You assaulted your previous employer.
Geraldine was nuts.
She hit me first. And those
charges were dropped.
And what about the extension cord?
- What extension cord?
- On the blender.
We have a receipt
- proving you bought it.
- Wendy expected me to use
that dinky three-foot cord on
her fancy English vacuum,
so I bought a longer one.
You hated the way she treated you.
It's all there on the video.
That was all just an
act for the cameras.
Why would I kill Wendy?
I had a really good thing going.
I'd been stealing money
from her for years.
[SIGHS]
I admit, that doesn't sound good.
You heard it, Captain.
Valencia found the body.
She and Wendy argued all the time.
She threatened her. She has a record.
She bought the extension cord.
And she was stealing from her.
- Case closed.
- Or not.
Who asked you?
Well, why would she admit
all that if she were guilty?
So someone like you would say that.
Well, I'd hate to report that the
police didn't follow every lead.
Are you serious, Ms. Tascioni?
You know, I think I am.
Were there any other messages
on Wendy's phone?
Yeah. Who the hell is Katricia?
Mm, no, big mistake.
Katricia's had a hard time
since the Montauk meltdown.
She's unstable and,
I hate to say it, disgruntled.
Well, maybe we should
talk to her anyway.
You can't. She disappeared.
She's off social media.
Nobody knows where she is.
Do you think it's possible
that she's been murdered, too?
It's possible. God.
What if someone's been
targeting my ladies?
The police have got to stop them.
I totally agree.
Oh, you know you know, we've
never had a cop on the show.
Could certainly use one now.
I need to go tighten up security.
We need to find Katricia.
I don't know how you found me.
You once mentioned your hideaway
in Chelsea on a podcast,
and I tracked it down.
Not a stalker.
Officer Blanke is just a really
big fan of Lavish Ladies.
Yeah? Well, I'm not.
That show lost me my marriage, my kids.
That's why I had to downsize.
I used to have it all.
Then Skip Mason ruined my life.
Oh, I believe it.
Can you tell us how?
You know why I just took
eight shots of tequila?
No, but I confess I've
been extremely curious.
To prove it doesn't affect me.
See? Steady as a rock.
I could always hold my liquor,
which drove Skip crazy.
All the other ladies would get sloppy
and start screaming at
each other, but not me.
I was smart and sober,
which meant I was bad TV. [SCOFFS]
So he drugged me.
Which led to the Montauk meltdown.
You think I would've said
those horrible things
from a few glasses of pinot grigio?
Skip drugged me.
And he had help from Wendy.
From Wendy?
From Bathtub Blendie Wendy?
Yeah, Skip got all his drugs from Wendy.
She was queen of the pharmaceuticals.
How do you know that?
Because she admitted it.
After I lost custody of
my kids, Wendy felt bad.
We had long talks on the phone about it.
You know, she promised she
would send me something
to make it up to me.
What could she send?
Ooh, a signed statement
would've been powerful,
especially if she'd had it notarized.
I'm a lawyer. Do you think
that could've been it?
I-I don't know, 'cause whatever it was,
she never sent it.
I mean, I'm not surprised, she would
never jeopardize the show.
The show was everything to her.
Still
"Still " Still what?
Last time we spoke, she said,
with everything she knew,
she could send Skip Mason to prison.
But I guess it's too late for that.
Not necessarily.
SKIP: Yeah, uh, this looks good.
Just remember, it's a
memorial, not a funeral.
So we don't want to be
too much of a downer.
Yeah.
Shusie? Shusie, I need
you to listen to me.
You-you can wear the Valentino,
but not the Chanel.
No, that-that's too close
to what Tracy's wearing.
And no dogs.
I'm serious.
Look, I got to go. Okay?
So
Do you have good news for me?
We found Katricia.
Oh. Great.
You were right. She is very disgruntled.
In fact, she had a lot of negative
things to say about you.
- Would you like to hear them?
- As a matter of fact,
Ms. Tascioni
Elsbeth no.
No, I would not.
Oh.
But you seemed so worried about her.
- I just thought
- Why are you talking to someone
who left the show years ago?
Do you have any idea how this works?
Th-These women [CHUCKLES]
These silly women will do or-or say
anything to get in the spotlight,
so, no, I-I don't care
what she says about me.
You were supposed to arrest Valencia,
who all the evidence points to,
and leave me alone,
because I have an alibi.
Or does that not matter anymore?
Oh, yes, it matters a lot.
I had a feeling it would.
So, maybe you can back off
because I've got a memorial to plan.
Wendy's memorial is
gonna be on the show?
Isn't that in poor taste?
[LAUGHS]
And there it is.
The eternal question.
Why don't you ask your friend here?
She gets pleasure from watching my show.
Do you think that she had "bad taste"?
- No. Not at all.
- No, I don't, either.
I'm proud to have fans like her.
You might think it's trash,
but I've taken these privileged,
spoiled, silly women
and turned them into a
cultural phenomenon.
Why would I want to hurt any of them
after what we've built together?
You have no idea how hard it is
to make good TV, Ms. Tascioni.
And you never will.
I don't think I would want
to be on this show.
Hmm. Me, neither.
WAGNER: We need to wrap this up
so I can stop watching this damn show.
It's addictive.
WAGNER: How can this be legal?
Well, that's a whole nother question.
Donnelly? Where are you?
All the evidence points to
Valencia, the housekeeper.
Paid intern. If you want
to know what I think
I know what you think.
There's something creepy about that guy.
See if you can break his alibi,
before I have to arrest
that poor housekeeper.
- Paid intern.
- Go.
♪
WOMAN [ON TV]: You have no
idea how much it means to me
that you're all helping
me raise awareness
for fructose intolerance.
WOMAN 2: Well, if Tracy
decides to show, that is.
WOMAN 1: Ugh. This is so typical.
She swore she'd be here.
WOMAN 2: She will be, eventually.
Poor thing needs all
the time she can get
to be camera ready.
WOMAN 1: [LAUGHS] You're bad!
Wait, that
I cannot believe I am actually
on time! Yay for me!
Wait.
Why does that sound familiar?
- [CHATTER ON TV CONTINUES]
- Oh. Oh!
[TV CHATTER STOPS]
- Kaya. Kaya, wake up.
- Mm? What?
- Wh-Wh-What? What happened?
- I know how he did it.
Skip Mason's alibi depends
on the message
- left on Wendy's phone.
- That's right.
ELSBETH: Because how
could he have killed Wendy
and then left that message
two minutes later,
with Tracy in the background,
from a bar 20 minutes away?
Yeah, how did he do that?
He didn't.
Picture Skip knocking the
blender into the bathtub.
The lights go out,
the generator comes on.
Thinking fast, Skip takes
out both of his cell phones.
He uses one to leave
a message for Wendy,
and the other one to play
a clip from the show,
with Tracy's voice
saying she was on time.
KAYA: We found it on season seven.
I cannot believe I am actually
on time! Yay for me!
ELSBETH: He played it to make it sound
like Tracy was there, but she wasn't.
That's why there's no sound of cars
because he wasn't on the street.
And that humming noise that
you hear in the background
is the generator.
My God, she's making sense.
I know.
Alibi planted,
Skip then washed and
put away the wine glass
and the extra margarita glass,
getting glitter under his fingernails.
Skip then ran to the bar to meet Tracy.
He knew she'd show up half an
hour late, she always does.
Skip then only pretended
to leave a message
for Wendy at that point,
so Tracy would remember it,
so she would back up his alibi,
which we now know is fake.
Ta-da.
It's a good theory.
Very good.
- But it's still not enough.
- Ha!
Tracy could have said
the exact same thing
that night that she said on the show.
I've watched enough to notice
that the women tend
to repeat themselves.
[GRUNTS]
Hadn't thought about that.
Mm-hmm.
But you do believe me, don't you?
["PIANO SONATA NO. 14 IN
C-SHARP MINOR, OP.27" PLAYING]
Ah, ladies.
You all look stunning.
I still can't believe she's gone.
I know, but she is.
Oh, God. Okay.
We're just here to pay our respects.
Wendy was like a friend to me.
WAGNER: And, in truth, Mr. Mason,
we're closing in on the prime suspect.
Oh.
Oh, oh.
I see.
- Well, took you long enough.
- So sorry I bothered you.
I was just trying to find out the truth.
I understand, Elsbeth Tascioni.
Reality's my business.
Let's go! Places, please!
Tracy? Tracy.
Hello, again.
Oh, hi.
You know, I wanted to ask you,
are you absolutely sure
that you met Skip at 9:00
on the night that Wendy died?
Yes, I was only a
couple of minutes late.
That's what Skip said.
I remember it so clearly.
SKIP: Tracy! [SNAPS FINGERS]
[TRACY SIGHS]
Wendy.
What can I say about Wendy?
God, I loved that bitch.
I always knew she had my back.
Who's gonna have my back now?
I know if Wendy were
here, she would say
Katricia?
[OTHERS MURMURING]
She looks great.
It's filler.
I know who killed Wendy.
He almost killed me, too.
Wh-What is she doing
here? Who let her in?
This came in the mail today.
Wendy sent it before she died.
Take a look. You all
know her handwriting.
Okay. Uh, we're gonna cut.
Um, Katricia and I need a mic off.
Her body looks great.
Ugh. I need to get back to Pilates.
[GASPS] Oh, wait, that reminds me.
I texted my Pilates instructor
on my way to Skip that night.
Really? Can you show me?
- Ow. You're hurting me.
- Where is it?
- Where is it?
- I'm not, I'm not mic'd, Skip.
Then what do you want?
I want people to know the truth
about what you did to me.
What good is that gonna do?
Oh, no. I know you.
You want back in.
Okay. Come back.
You can take Wendy's place.
I thought I was bad TV.
Oh, you were,
but this little stunt shows
that you've changed.
I like that.
Well, what about Wendy?
She wanted justice.
Oh, please, Wendy was just
using you to blackmail me.
And look what happened to her.
Don't make the same mistake, Katricia.
Is that a threat?
You tell me.
You're not as ridiculous as the others.
And the truth is, you've
always my favorite.
So, what's it gonna be?
You're gonna end up like Wendy?
Smart lady.
TRACY: [GASPS] Oh, my God.
I texted my Pilates instructor at 9:24,
so I must've been much
later meeting Skip.
- Honey, you're always late.
- He knew you would be.
So, that means
SKIP: Katricia and I had a little talk,
and we are all good.
So let's go again.
Yes, hit it, Rudy.
SKIP [ON RECORDING]: Don't make
the same mistake, Katricia.
- KATRICIA: Is that a threat?
- SKIP: You tell me.
Wait, I don't understand
what's happening.
You're not as ridiculous as the others.
- And the truth is
- Okay, turn that off.
you've always been my favorite.
Rudy, stop. Turn it off.
So, what's it gonna be?
You're gonna end up like Wendy?
Can you turn that off?
I-I don't, I don't know what's going on.
Look inside.
Surprise.
Rudy, the sound guy,
helped me set that up.
Apparently, you're not
that fun to work for.
No, but th-this is Wendy's handwriting.
She sent me a 20% off
coupon for a blender.
But I'm not getting one,
those things are dangerous.
- Mm.
- Take him away.
You knew right away, didn't you?
I guess reality is my business, too.
I'm gonna need a new show to watch.
Can I say, "Cut?"