Fake (2024) s01e03 Episode Script

This is a love story, not
an investigation. (LAUGHS)
You're not coming?
No, I've got to get back to the
farm first thing in the morning.
(DING!)
JOE: Oh, I really wanted
to kiss you just now.
I'm so very sorry to leave you hanging.
Can I make it up to you with a
trip to my shack next weekend?
Did the farmer finally text you back?
Oscar J from my class kissed
me but my foot didn't go up.
That's how you know.
(BOTH LAUGH)
BIRDIE: Everything alright?
I'll follow as soon as I
find out what's going on.
- Will you?
- Yes.
JOE: Mary's arrived at the
hospital and made a scene,
abusing the nurses.
It's terrible for the children.
I need to be here to protect them
while the meds level her out again.
It's the middle of the night.
God, remind me not to mess with you.
- Don't mess with me.
- I'm not messing with you. Hey!
I've been on medication for anxiety
for a few years now.
Well, soon you won't need
any of that stuff anymore.
I think you need to get realistic
about what's still out there.
For the initial
JOE: Sometimes my mind is pure chaos,
and I shouldn't take it out on you.
I love you.
I love you too.
I do really want to
be a part of your life.
I'm sorry I doubted you.
(CLICKING)
(CLICKING)
(CLICKING)
(CLICKING)
BIRDIE'S MOTHER: Oh, that's
me, the day I left for the UK.
Oh! Look at me, Birdie!
Waiting for my life to begin.
And the time I met your father.
There he was, standing in the kitchen.
The rest is history.
(LAUGHS) Oh, Lord Howe Island!
Oh, the man in action!
Oh, this was before he proposed.
You'd think it was after,
by how happy we look.
That was after, obviously.
Oh
Look at the way he's looking at me.
- It was love
- Love at first sight.
You never know when you'll meet the one.
But how will I know?
MOTHER: You'll just know.
But what if I miss out?
WOMAN: You were talking about Susan.
Oh, yeah, well, it's just
Text messages, just
don't have any nuance.
There's There's no context.
I mean, what did she mean?
"Run", like, "Run away," or
"Run. Ha-ha.
"We're actually friends," and
if I ask her for more
info, then, I'll look desperate.
Or if
I ask him
I'll look crazy.
Either way
I don't want to fuck it up.
How would you fuck it up?
Well, it's hard not to be paranoid
when he doesn't turn
up when he says he will.
He cancels at the last minute,
and it just makes me feel
Well, it makes me
I act
I just I act crazy.
And I feel like I'm in a
relationship with my phone.
I know he's busy.
He's He's got so much on,
with his divorce, and the kids, and
his business, and the farm.
I just sit there,
at home, overthinking.
(SIGHS)
I just
I'm so close.
So close.
I just want to get
through this mess, and
hold it together.
What does trust look like to you?
I don't know. (STAMMERS)
What do you mean? To
To trust that I can
To trust that I'm enough?
That I'm not defective?
You're not defective.
My mum thinks I am.
My dad just wanted me to be happy.
MAN: Not the honeymoon pictures again!
MOTHER: Oh, she loves hearing
the story of how we met.
It's romantic.
Well, this week, I want you
to dig into the idea of trust
a bit further.
What are some milestones
you can work towards
to build mutual trust?
I
would like to introduce him
to my family and friends.
I think
I'd love to meet his children.
COUNSELLOR: Meeting children is
Well, you need to respect that
the family dynamic can be difficult.
Bring it back to what YOU can control -
trusting Joe.
It's not a world you're familiar with,
so it's going to throw
you a few surprises, yeah?
- It sounds simplistic.
- (PEN SCRATCHES)
But you just might have to trust Joe.
(RUMBLING)
(RUMBLING)
(RUMBLING)
(RUMBLING)
(RUMBLING)
(PHONE RINGS)
Hi, Mum, I've just
booked the restaurant.
I sent you an email.
MOTHER: It doesn't say which table.
I mean, did you get the SPECIAL table?
- I forgot.
- Oh! I'll ring them myself.
Oh, no, it's OK, Mum. I can call them.
No, well, the seating matters.
I mean, he always said
you pay to see and be seen.
Hey, how did that interview
with the soup van lady go?
Tina? I was too late.
She passed away before
I could interview her.
- Oh
- Now I've got to find a way to tell Virginia
I can't write the story.
Well, you might not have to.
I heard a rumour she's leaving.
Really? Where to?
- Are they making cuts?
- I don't know.
VIRGINIA: Morning.
- Hey, Peg, can I see you?
- Yeah.
You good for the offal guy tomorrow?
Oh, yeah.
You want offal? Come to
the courthouse with me.
(DING!)
(LINE RINGS)
JOE: Yes?
Working hard or hardly working?
JOE: No, I'm just down at the local pub
with some of my farm mates.
We've, uh, we've fixed the fence.
BIRDIE: Ah, how are the sheep?
Did you find out who sabotaged it?
JOE: No, it's an ongoing investigation.
But I can think of things
I'd rather be investigating.
Ooh!
Hey, I'm thinking of
heading back to the city
for the weekend.
What are you doing?
Ah, it's my mum's wedding
anniversary on Saturday night.
JOE: Oh.
But, um, other than that,
I'm I'm totally free.
JOE: Yeah?
Oh, that's a shame.
I thought you might
have liked to have, um
Oh, never mind, never mind. You're busy.
What?
JOE: Well, you know, I was
thinking I could take you out
for romantic twilight
drinks on my boat that night.
The re-upholstery for the Blue Loon's
supposed to be finished by then.
I thought it'd be nice.
Oh, can we go Sunday?
I mean, I just I
can't shift this dinner.
No, Sunday's no good, I'm afraid.
I'm seeing my kids on Sunday.
It's just, it's Mum's first
anniversary since dad died,
and, um, we're going to
their special restaurant.
JOE: Mmm.
JOE: Ooh, why not bring them
along? I mean, I don't mind.
I mean, who doesn't love
a twilight pleasure cruise?
I'll get some nibbles for us.
Joe, I can literally do any other time.
JOE: Alright, well, um,
how about I see if
they can squeeze us in
tomorrow morning, then?
OK, that could work.
I I just have some
interviews in the afternoon.
JOE: Alright, got it.
Yeah, I know you're curious to see her.
- Am I?
- Yes, you are. (LAUGHS)
OK.
JOE: Alrighty, well,
I'll pick you up at, say,
8 in the morning?
Um, you'll have to
excuse my rustic smell.
I'll be coming straight from the farm.
Alright, I'll see you at 8.
(DING!)
JOE: The workshop just called.
Annoying - the boat's not
quite ready for us to take her out.
(DING!)
JOE: Waiting for the
caulking near the bow to dry.
It'll be a couple of hours.
I'll give them a call in a bit,
see if we can pop down this arvo.
I thought there would be a good symmetry
between a horse, and balls and semen.
- Mmm.
- Would you agree?
Sure.
Pretty big, huh?
You have to reveal it.
Well, that's a good trick.
(CHUCKLES) It's not a trick.
That's breakfast.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(DING!)
JOE: Ooh, yes, please.
Any chance you can pop down
to the workshop right now?
I'm here with the kids.
- Are you ready to taste?
- Oh, sure.
Smoked ram's testicles,
cooked in cream and single-malt whiskey,
and seared fish semen.
Mm. Very reproductive.
You're not one of those
Weet-Bix girls, are you?
Mmm. Now I know you
swallow. (TAPS BENCH)
(PHONE RINGS)
- Hi.
- JOE: Hey!
Hey, Birdie, what's the matter?
Well, um
- Nothing, I'm just
- Is this a bad time?
No, I just I haven't
heard from you. I
Yeah, Birdie, you should
tell me when you're anxious.
I I'm not anxious.
I just
You
You didn't respond to my message.
JOE: Birdie, I will
share everything with you.
OK? Look, we've all got our own things.
I mean, you've
you've got your anxiety.
- OK.
- JOE: And I've got a whole life before you.
- (LAUGHS)
- JOE: Why are you so distant?
Because you didn't
respond to my message.
- What message?
- This morning.
JOE: Well, I told you
I was with my kids.
I have to be present when I'm with them.
- Of course
- Hey, Birdie, why are you pushing me away?
- I'm not!
- OK, well, when can I see you?
- Whenever you want!
- JOE: OK, alright,
EXCEPT Saturday night.
(EXHALES)
JOE: You know, when I was
hoping to meet your family.
No, no, you're right. Look, it's
probably too soon to meet them.
- Is it?
- Yeah, look, I'm being cautious too.
Well, I I'm not being
You know what? I've got a deadline, Joe.
- Just don't worry about it.
- Hey, hey, hey
Before you go, can you listen to this?
I went to the woods because
I wished to live deliberately,
to front only the
essential facts of life,
and see if I could not
learn what it had to teach
and not, when I came to die,
discover I had not lived.
- Is that Walden?
- Very good.
Thoreau's masterpiece
on the simple life.
Hey, which one do you
think I should get framed
for Harry's birthday, the woods or
We need the tonic of wildness.
At the same time that
we're earnest to explore
and learn all things,
we require that all things be
mysterious and unexplorable,
that land and sea be indefinitely wild,
unsurveyed and unfathomed
by us because unfathomable,
We can never have enough of nature.
It is something to be able
to paint a particular picture
or to carve a statue
and so to make a few objects beautiful,
but it is far more
glorious to carve and paint
the very atmosphere and
medium through which we look,
which, morally, we can do,
to affect the quality of the day.
(CRUNCH!)
JOE: This is the highest of arts.
MOTHER: Yes, Birdie, what do you want?
Oh! Mm.
I was thinking that
instead of the restaurant
we could do something even more special.
MOTHER: What, more special than
a dinner at our favourite restaurant?
What could be more special?
Well, Joe has suggested that
he could pick us all up on Saturday.
MOTHER: What? Why?
No, no, no, it's a really nice idea
that we could all go,
and he would host us on his
boat for twilight drinks.
MOTHER: His boat?
No, no, we're going to Bistro Ginette.
Dad loved the water.
I I thought it was fitting.
I mean, it's a very special boat.
It's a vintage pleasure boat.
MOTHER: But what about all our
memories with your father at Ginette?
We could make some new memories, Mum.
MOTHER: What? Without
your father, you mean?
No, I I didn't mean that.
- Oh.
- Just Just wait.
(MOTHER SIGHS)
(PHONE ALERT)
- I've just sent you a photo.
- Mm-hm.
- It's really fancy.
- OK.
- Please.
- Just leave it with me.
I mean, it's a generous offer.
- And
- Mm-hm.
I really want you to meet him.
- OK.
- Please.
MOTHER: Talk later.
BIRDIE: Hi. I just sent you a text.
Good news - we're on for Saturday.
Everyone's very excited, and so am I.
I can't wait for you to meet them all.
Can we talk details?
Bye.
(PHONE RINGS)
Hi. Did you get my message?
JOE: Uh, no, what message?
Oh
We're on for Saturday. It's
great news. For the boat.
JOE: Terrific.
Yeah, it took a bit to convince Mum,
but everyone thinks it's a
really generous invitation.
- Thank you.
- Oh, that's great.
So I was just wondering where
we're going to meet and
JOE: Uh-huh, alright,
well, let me think.
Um
- Joe?
- Probably the
(BEEPING)
(PHONE RINGS)
- Oh, hello.
- JOE: Hey!
I'm sorry, it's bad reception out here.
Oh, well, did you hear me?
About Saturday. I've
cancelled the restaurant.
JOE: Yeah, it's fantastic news.
- Very exciting.
- Good.
Um, well, when and where?
Alright, well, say, um
Say 4pm, I'll pick you up on the Yarra.
A friend has a jetty.
Unfortunately mine's
under repair at the moment,
so I'll send you the directions.
Looking forward to it.
Ah, happy anniversary.
It's casual, is it?
Yeah, it's casual.
Put them in water. You
can't take flowers on a boat.
- Oh, OK.
- (SIGHS)
I'll be back in a minute.
(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY)
Whose house is this?
Oh, it's just a friend of Joe's.
- JOE: Directions.
- Just through here.
JOE: Go through the
gate. It should be open.
Don't close the gate.
Oh, don't let it Doesn't matter.
If it's closed, ring me and
I'll give you the passcode.
Is this legal?
Don't you think the restaurant
would have been more
appropriate for the occasion?
Oh, please behave, Mum.
I'm trying not to scare him off.
(LAUGHS) You don't need
us to scare him off.
JOE: Head down the side, past the pool.
- What happened there?
- JOE: Don't ask.
Council bullshit, long story.
JOE: You'll see the lavender ahead.
Just follow the path as
it snakes towards the left.
Allow the lavender to lead you forth.
And there'll be a
little jetty down there.
Hang tight for a bit,
and I'll be able to
swing the Blue Loon in
and scoop you up from there.
MOTHER: So, what now?
Well, we wait.
Enjoy the view, Mum.
- (DING!)
- I have to go, Tovey.
Can you wait? It'll He won't be long.
JOE: Haa I'm on my way.
Is it bad that I'm nervous
to meet your family?
I want to make a good impression.
He's on his way. He's
leaving the slip now.
TOVEY: How long do you think he'll be?
- Three minutes.
- TOVEY: Three minutes
(DING!)
The bend in the river -
look out, I'm coming round it.
I'm dying to see you in the flesh.
RORY: Don't watch me.
Nobody's watching you.
Is it an unusual choice
for a new boyfriend
to host an anniversary
for a couple he doesn't know,
one of whom has passed away?
I mean, it's a bit grim.
I don't think it's grim.
I think it's generous.
MOTHER: You don't think
it's a bit, you know, showy?
It's not a showy boat, it's
vintage. He's restoring it.
He just wants a simple life.
MOTHER: Has he sent an update?
Just a few more minutes.
MOTHER: Yes, we just said
that a few minutes ago.
Well, I'll call him and
see how long it'll be.
I thought it was closer.
(LINE RINGS)
(RECORDING) Hi, you've reached Joe Burt.
Please leave a message and
I'll get back to you when I can.
(BEEP)
(EXHALES)
- (CORK POPS)
- MOTHER: Oh!
- What are you doing?
- Yes! Oh
It's my special day. I'm thirsty.
Anton?
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
(GLASS CLINKS)
To your darling father.
Not a prince by birth,
a prince by nature.
- ANTON AND TOVEY: To Gordon.
- To Dad.
MOTHER: To Gordon.
Oh, look! Is that him?
MAN: Nice day for it.
I thought the Jensens
were still in Malta.
Oh, yes, I (STAMMERS) I think so too.
A friend of a friend's picking us up.
MAN: Oh, not Darcy?
Do you know the Blue Loon?
Everyone knows the Blue Loon.
(LAUGHS)
MAN: Anyway, enjoy.
- Thank you.
- Do you know him?
ANTON: Or the Jensens?
I don't fancy being
arrested for trespassing.
Though, at least it would
mean a bit of excitement.
ANTON: Rory needs some
more sunblock, babe.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
What? I may as well get comfortable.
What's that supposed to mean?
You remember in London,
when we were all supposed to
meet that guy that you
were dating who ghosted you,
and we're all stuck there
eating all of those nachos?
This isn't the same as that.
- Was he gay too?
- No.
What do you know though, hmm?
(LAUGHS)
Oh, how would I know before you did?
Because it's obvious.
RORY: I'll make you all look pretty.
Yeah, you were quite the deceiver.
Rudyard Kipling.
Uh Not my finest moment.
He used to tell the new grad students
that he was the great
grandson of Rudyard Kipling.
100% success rate.
That's a very specific kink.
In lit major circles, yes.
At least none of them were married.
I was 19.
Yeah, well, I was married
to your father at 19.
It's a completely different situation.
Well, all I'm saying is
if I was old enough to know
what I was doing, you were.
(MURMURS) Maybe you weren't.
You know, she'd call, all the time,
to be rescued from
some ridiculous fling.
But
He said he wanted to marry me.
Anyway, I'd actually call Dad.
Well, your dad was too afraid
he couldn't look you in the eye.
So he sent me instead.
TOVEY: Anyone like another drink?
MOTHER: Yes, I'd love one.
ANTON: Is that a good
idea, do you think?
And anyway, I'm the one
who's been ghosted the worst.
Let's not forget why we're here.
ANTON: Mmm, that is good.
- Is there any more?
- (DING!)
TOVEY: Don't pig out. We're
not catering on the boat yet.
ANTON: Mmm, I'm starving.
Oh, there's been an accident.
Joe was in one? Is he OK?
(LINE RINGS)
(RECORDING) Hi, you've reached Joe Burt.
Please leave a message, and
I'll get back to you when I can.
- (BEEP)
- Oh, hi. It's me.
Where are you?
Can we do anything to help?
Just let me know.
TOVEY: If he texted, that means he's OK.
- Yeah, it does, doesn't it?
- TOVEY: Yeah.
(DING!)
He's intercepted a Mayday call.
(DING!)
He's lending assistance.
So he's OK. He's lending assistance.
(DING!)
A kid went under.
TOVEY: What? His kid?
I don't know. Surely not.
ANTON: Fuck, that's intense.
TOVEY: Should we go in
the car? What should we do?
- I don't know.
- ANTON: What do you want to do?
I don't know. Um
Uh
It's just such a big
effort to get the boat out.
And if he comes
here and we're gone
ANTON: Do you think he'll
still feel like having a drink
if he's just been in an emergency?
Maybe we should go up and sit in the car
and wait for further instructions.
OK. Should we? OK, let's go.
Come on.
Well, I'm not going anywhere.
I mean, you told us we were
going to meet Mr Wonderful,
and I'm going to sit here until we do.
Let's just go to the restaurant, Mum.
You cancelled the booking.
Oh, I'm glad your father
isn't here to see this.
(LAUGHS) Oh, I wish he was here
because he didn't make me feel like
I ruined his life all the time.
Oh, this is the worst
idea I've ever had.
Come on, Rors.
Let's get something to eat.
I told you not to shut the gate.
ANTON: Do you know the code?
Well, he said to call and
he'd give it to us, but
Oh, right.
Let's help Aunty Birdie
with the gate, shall we?
Um, wait, wait, wait, wait.
This is a one-off, OK, sweetheart?
Don't go climbing strange
people's gates like this
ever again, OK?
- MOTHER: Careful!
- ANTON: Careful of the sharp bits, darling.
TOVEY: Watch this spiky
bit. Yeah, over the top.
- Careful there.
- ANTON: Her jacket's caught.
TOVEY: On three - one, two, three.
ANTON: Watch the sharp bits, sweetie.
TOVEY: Look around the corner,
see if there's a key under the mat.
See if you can find the key
under a pot plant or something.
- Not a pot
- I'm not confu
You are. Well, what do you see?
What can you see? RORY: Pot plant
- (BIRD SCREECHES)
- Look under it, darling.
TOVEY: Is there a doormat
or something? Or a rock?
ANTON: What can you see?
(INDISTINCT)
MOTHER: What's this?
- (BUZZING)
- (LATCH CLANKS)
Oh! Oh
ANTON: Fuck
(INDISTINCT)
(PHONE RINGS)
Joe, where are you?
JOE: Oh, there was a bloody
dreadful accident, a speedboat.
Going too fast. Idiot!
Guy with his wife and kids.
- And the kid went in the water.
- Oh
Um, is the kid alright?
JOE: Well, emergency
services were too far away.
The parents were too
shell-shocked to do anything.
So I had to dive in and pull him out.
- What?
- JOE: Yeah, look, he's fine.
You know, we got to him
just in the nick of time.
But, um, well, the Blue
Loon's taken some damage.
It'll be back to the
workshop for her, I'm afraid.
Hang on a tick, would you?
(MUFFLED THUDS)
JOE: Oh.
God, they want to take me
out to dinner to thank me.
Joe, we were waiting for you.
I mean, I was really worried.
JOE: Look, I'm sorry, I
was saving a boy's life.
You weren't at the front of my mind,
I'm sorry, I have to admit.
I'm sorry, too.
Just, I couldn't open the gate,
and I didn't have the passcode.
JOE: It's 3336.
Well, do you still want me to come?
I could meet you at a restaurant,
- if you still want to see me.
- Oh.
JOE: Birdie?
I do want to see you.
JOE: Alright, alright. Well,
how about I get us a table
at Estelle in 20 minutes?
Do you know it?
Please tell your family I'm
so sorry to keep them waiting.
I still want to make a good impression.
(ENGINE STARTS)
ANTON: It's impressive that
he's so determined to meet us.
TOVEY: How did he even
get a table at Estelle?
MOTHER: Fine by me.
I wanted to go to a
restaurant in the first place.
RORY: Did he really save someone's life?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Oh, he's here. Joe's here.
- Oh!
- Hey! I'm so sorry.
- Oh! You're all wet.
- A little bit, yeah.
Could you open up for the
table and just get some glasses?
Well, everyone, this is Joe.
- ALL: Hey!
- Hi.
Apologies, apologies.
This is not how I
wanted to meet everybody.
- Hello. I'm Joe.
- Margeaux.
JOE: Hello, Margeaux.
Pleased to meet you.
Sorry about your loss.
MARGEAUX: Thank you.
My husband was a man of action.
JOE: Yes. Anton.
- The hero is here.
- Oh, no, no. Good to see you.
- This is my partner, Tovey.
- Tovey, good to meet you.
- TOVEY: Likewise.
- And, hello, what's your name?
- Rory.
- Rory! Hello. My name's Joe.
Good to meet you.
Hi.
Phew!
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Joe.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
Good to see you.
MARGEAUX: So, tell us what happened.
I mean, is everyone still alive?
Well, I've got adrenaline
still coursing through me,
but happy to report, yes,
everybody is still alive.
- Phew.
- MARGEAUX: What a relief.
- Phew.
- (MARGEAUX LAUGHS)
JOE: It probably clipped
something underneath,
the boat's flipped,
the boy's gone under,
and he didn't have a life jacket on.
And Mum and Dad didn't jump in?
I would have jumped in.
Well, no, to be fair, I
don't think any of us knows
how they're going to react in
a crisis until they're in one.
- Yeah.
- Everyone has a plan,
until they get punched in the mouth.
(LAUGHTER)
Mike Tyson said that, truly.
Has anybody done CPR?
It is, I tell you, it is
very confronting. It's
You have to push here,
where the sternum is
- Oh!
- quite hard,
to get to the heart.
And you feel as though you're
going to break a person's ribs.
It's like that sound, that
cracking sound, as though
cracking sound, as though
I don't think it's
going to be easy for me
to get that sound out of my head.
- I'm sorry.
- That's
That was full-on, wasn't it?
- That was a little bit
- I'm sorry.
- I think I'm still in shock.
- MARGEAUX: Oh.
Anyway, let's have a toast.
To friends, family.
And I'd like to propose
a toast to Birdie,
who puts up a little more
from me than she should.
MARGEAUX: What a catch.
TOVEY: They look good together.
- Photo.
- Oh, picture!
- Here we go. Photo.
- Oh!
Finale! Here we go.
ANTON: How are you
going? Got us in, Rors?
- Take another one, another one.
- (SHUTTER SOUNDS)
(SHUTTER) Oh, show me, show me.
- TOVEY: That's good.
- Alright.
Bubbles
- (CRUNCH!)
- (MEDICAL MONITOR WHINES)
(CRUNCH!)
- (CRUNCH!)
- (BEEPING)
(JOE SIGHS)
Ah
I know today must
have been hard for you.
My family make it hard for me.
- Yeah.
- They think I'm a joke.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
You're not a joke.
Hey, I'm here with you now.
Is that for me?
I want nothing between us.
Hey
Open your eyes.
Stay with me.
I love you.
(WATER RUNS)
(PHONE VIBRATES LOUDLY)
(DING!)
(PHONE VIBRATES LOUDLY)
- (DING!)
- Joe? Your phone.
(WATER CONTINUES RUNNING)
It's 3336.
(RECALLS COUNSELLOR)
What does trust look like to you?
(PHONE VIBRATES LOUDLY)
(CRUNCH!)
(MEDICAL MONITOR WHINES)
- (CRUNCH!)
- (MEDICAL MONITOR WHINES)
COUNSELLOR: So, how'd
you go trusting Joe?
Good, I think.
I I do trust him.
And I've put some
boundaries up around my mum.
So that I can explore
being independent of her,
with Joe.
I feel better.
It's good.
That's great.
Looks like you're doing really well.
Yeah, I am.
And
now when I start worrying,
I just tell myself
everything's fine.