Faking It (2014) s01e03 Episode Script

Previously on Faking It Let's elect them Homecoming Queens! Yeah! Where is this girlfriend of yours? - I'm right here, mother.
- Lesbians? Being gay is the best thing that ever happened to us.
We could have sex.
Me and Liam booker.
What's wrong? I don't know.
I was into this, now I'm not.
I want my first time to be with someone who loves me, which is why I'm gonna make him fall in love with me.
- Stop it, butt face.
- Not until you sing it for me.
It's been weeks since your last track dropped.
- Give the fans what they want.
- It's not ready.
Since when do you share songs with me when they're ready? You're JT, I'm Timbaland, we workshop them till they're dope, and then you perform them for your cats.
This one's different.
It's personal.
I'm baring my soul, so I want it to be perfect.
Ooh, is it a power ballad? Come on, give me a hint.
Nope.
But I promise you'll be the first person to hear it.
Cropped, filtered, blurred, and boom 'grammed it.
Since we came out, I've gotten over 400 new followers.
Including a Mr.
Liam Booker.
Everything's going according to plan.
How is posting a pic with me gonna help Liam fall in love with you? He's severely allergic to commitment.
I'm a lesbian with a girlfriend, which makes me hypoallergenic.
His defenses are down.
Now I just need to show him how perfect we'd be together.
You don't get someone to fall in love with you.
They fall in love with you because of who you are.
Yeah, well, I've been me for 15 years, and no one's fallen for me.
- Except for you.
- Very funny.
I'm just having fun, Amy.
I mean, I'm popular, I have a secret boyfriend, I get to hold my best friend's hand in public.
It is pretty awesome.
You think so? 'Cause I worry you're not getting anything out of this.
Are you kidding? I get to make my mom and Bruce horribly uncomfortable.
That's a gift that keeps on giving.
Maybe I need a secret boyfriend too.
They sound super fun.
What about Josh Hoyt? You were obsessed with him in middle school.
I was obsessed with him in middle school.
Well, now's your chance.
Okay.
We'll find him at lunch.
No, I mean really, now's your chance he's coming this way.
Hey, Josh.
Where's the fire? It's inside us.
That's why we're protesting! Right on! Let's go! Not another protest.
Big brother has got to go! Hey, hey! Ho, ho! Big brother has got to go! Hey, hey! Ho, ho! Big brother has got to go! Hey, hey! Ho, ho! What's going on? Skwerkel wants to donate $6 million to the school.
- Sounds terrible.
- It is terrible, Amy.
Skwerkel is a vile, evil search engine.
I'm all for a good protest, kids.
I went to Berkeley.
But the school really needs this donation.
With the government cutbacks, there just isn't enough money.
So Last week I had to shut down the tai chi club.
Students.
The CEO of Skwerkel has personally selected Hester High in a new nationwide educational outreach program.
You'll be changing the face of education.
We can see through your lies! She's just trying to buy us! Trust me, no one is trying to buy you.
Though you'll each be getting new Skwerkel smartphones and tablets.
What do you get out of this? The satisfaction of helping a school in desperate need of money.
Also, Skwerkel will own all data collected on these devices.
That means our photos, our emails, our text messages.
They want to make us their digital slaves.
Are we gonna let them? Hell, no! Time to occupy Hester.
Man your stations! Stop Skwerkel! What are you doing? Liam's really into this protest, so I'm gonna be the protestiest protester who ever protested.
- Wanna help? - No.
I don't.
Not at all.
Don't forget we're popular now, so it's really important to pretend like you care.
Protests aren't really my thing.
But the school loves them.
Including Josh.
It's the perfect time to see if he's secret boyfriend material.
Hey! Down with corporate tyranny! All right.
I didn't think we could top the absurdity of last week's sit-in for that endangered salamander.
This is so stupid.
Well, privacy is something we should all be conce Not another lecture, Lisbeth.
Hey, Liam.
I raided the art room for some sign-making supplies.
Oh, great.
Thank you.
Hey, I liked your fire back there.
Very inspirational.
You're a natural leader.
Yeah, I got something for you in my back pocket.
This is too small.
That's what I'm hoping.
I'm so glad we're both so into student privacy.
Did you know that last year there were 2,77 Look who I found.
- Soleil! You made it! - Yeah, well, you know me.
Someone yells "Protest," and I say, "When, why, and will there be tear gas?" It's good to see you, Liam.
Yeah.
You too.
Uh, this is Karma.
Another soldier - in our war against Skwerkel.
- Hi.
So, uh, how come I haven't seen you around Hester before? Most of my classes are independent studies.
They give me course credit for the various community outreach programs I'm involved with as well as my work abroad with the Red Cross.
- You know how it is.
- Totally.
Uh I'm a lesbian.
Good for you.
Liam, can I steal you away for a sec? I've got some ideas that I think will really take this to the next level.
Of course.
And the promance continues.
- "Promance"? - Protest romance.
Every time we shut the school down, the sexual tension between those two just builds like Mount Vesuvius until finally eruption.
- "Eruption" equals sex.
- Yeah, I got that.
All right.
Thanks.
Okay.
Let's do it! Wow.
Hipster culture's going back in time so fast pretty soon they'll be wearing suits of armor.
You know, bathrooms typically provide that for you.
You don't have to carry your own.
Trust me, in a few hours, this stuff will be more valuable than bitcoin.
So while your fellow students rise up against injustice you exploit them for a quick buck? Don't hate the player, hate the game.
I'm Amy.
I'm Oliver.
Figured you'd be more into this kind of thing being that you're Homecoming Queen and all.
No, this is more my girlfriend's kind of thing.
She gets involved in school activities.
I stand back and silently hate them.
Speaking of your girlfriend, isn't that her over there, chaining herself to that door? Will you excuse me? Honey, whatcha doin'? Liam's having a promance with the Soleil girl, so I'm chaining myself to this door because I don't want the sex volcano to erupt.
More importantly, who's that cute boy you were talking to? Oliver.
We just met, but so far I don't want to poke his eyes out with scissors.
Seriously? That's huge.
I know.
I don't want to jump the gun, but he could be secret boyfriend material.
Speaking of, here's Liam.
- Lock me down.
- Karma.
If Skwerkel wants this school, they're gonna have to come through me to get it.
I love the dedication, it's just you're blocking the door.
Soleil's here with donated food from a vegan bakery downtown.
- Great.
- Thanks.
- What you got in the box? - Muffins.
Ooh.
Sounds good.
Yeah, they're really warm and moist.
- Hey! - Attention, Hester High! If we want to make a difference, we have to show the world we're serious.
We have to get all Gandhi up in this bitch.
We need a hunger strike! Yeah! Hunger strike! Hunger strike! Hunger strike! Hunger strike! Hunger strike! Hunger strike! - You wanna get out of here? - I thought you'd never ask.
No.
No, please.
Think about what we could do with this money.
Electric school buses.
An organic farm-to-table cafeteria.
We could recycle our waste into clean drinking water.
That is so not how I'd use that money.
Penelope's about to crack.
That hunger strike idea was a thing of beauty, Karma.
It's gotten us a ton of press.
Now those wads at Skwerkel know we're serious.
Well, that's why I suggested it, because I am serious about showing big business that we mean business.
- I'm sorry, that was stupid.
- No, it was cute.
In fact I kind of want to kiss you right now.
Really? Well I kinda want to let you.
Liam.
Big problem.
People are trying to break into the vending machines.
Everyone's getting low blood sugar.
Pretty soon it's gonna get all Hunger Games up in here.
We need to do something to keep spirits up.
Something to get our minds off food and back onto the protest.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Please, don't say "Open Mic.
" Open Mic.
Yup.
Same page.
All of us.
Not me.
Some people should not be given a microphone.
I don't care what the 'cause is.
Wait, all those vegan baked goods are just sitting unprotected in the teacher's lounge.
Someone needs to protect them.
Karma and I can handle it, right? Uh, yeah.
We're all over it.
- Perfect.
- Thanks, guys.
Hey, it'll be fun, right? Sure.
All I had to do was get the serial numbers to all the locks, call the manufacturer, pretend to be the janitor, and they mailed me every key to the school.
Super easy.
- Did that make me sound creepy? - No.
Not at all.
But please tell me the next stop on this tour isn't the incinerator.
Oh, God, no.
No, the incinerator is for special occasions only.
Anniversaries, Valentine's day, that sort of thing.
You do realize the irony of spying on students protesting the invasion of student privacy, right? I do.
I'm glad you do too.
I like to think of this as anthropological research.
I watch students in their natural habitat because I don't understand them, and, you know, I'm supposed to be one.
Yeah, I'm weird.
I shouldn't have brought you here.
No, it's cool.
I can relate.
Cool.
A message to big brother from a little sister.
My head might be reeling.
My heart might be bleeding.
- My lungs might be gasping - She is so damn sexy.
But I'll still never march to that drum.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have No, no, I'm I'm with you.
I mean look at her flawless skin and those perky, round breasts.
Yeah, she's hot, um, but, I mean, it's her passion that turns me on.
She's so real and raw.
She's, like, baring her soul.
I will never stop screaming.
I will never stop screaming.
You go, girl! That was incredible.
Yeah.
No one seems hungry anymore.
- I still am.
For justice.
- We're gonna win this thing.
Yeah? Are we gonna go all the way? All the way and all night long.
Wanna go check the supply closet? Why aren't we there right now? Hey, everyone.
Uh, you wanna hear a song I've been working on? I've never done this before, so please be gentle.
I felt a spark of desire And now the flames are growing higher I really want this to work I'm so tired of being burned You still watching What Not to Wear on channel four? No, I switched over to eight.
They're playing a new episode of The Biggest Loser.
This school prides itself so much on celebrating everyone's differences, yet they're all still so desperate to fit in.
I can't wait for college.
Mm I gotta admit something, Amy.
I've noticed you before.
Really? Yeah.
It's rare you find a girl who's so pretty and she doesn't even know it.
Oh, I-I That's just my luck.
I finally meet a girl I like, and she's a lesbian.
Yeah, about that, um Karma's my best friend, but she's not Singing? Probably we shall overcome.
Uh I've got a secret inside It gets so easy to be someone else When I'm with you I don't have to hide When I'm with you I can be myself Something changed the moment We kissed I never knew it could feel like this But keep it hush-hush undercover But it's a rush rush being your lover And if it's not too much could you have a crush on me We keep it hush-hush and discover Why it's a rush when we're with each other Yeah I have a crush and I just want you to see That you were never a secret To me Hey! Oh, just keep it! Did somebody order a pizza? Everybody stay strong.
We've got cheese, veggie, pepperoni Mmm.
Guys, we might have a hunger inside of us, but it is not for food.
It's for justice, it's for righteousness, - it's for - Pizza! - Gimme a slice! - So hungry! Oh, my God, there you are.
Can you believe I did that? Did I sound nervous? Because I was about to pee my pants.
It's too bad you didn't.
I heard Liam finds that a real turn-on.
Wait, are you mad? I thought you'd be proud of me.
You've always said that I should sing in public.
Yeah, and you never have, but the second it impresses some boy you're out there belting it like Adele.
I don't get it.
Y-you really think I sounded like Adele? I am so sick of the way you've been acting lately.
Chaining yourself to doors, calling out hunger strikes.
And for what so some boy you hardly know will fall in love with you.
What do you even know about Liam except he's the hottest guy in school? I know that he's into protesting things, and he fights against corporate greed, and he has integrity.
Maybe he can lend you some.
You need to eat.
You're always bitchy when you're hungry.
And so what if I like the hottest guy in school? I'm a teenage girl.
I managed to snag a couple slices of Hawaiian.
How do you feel about fruit on your pizza? See my panties from below Pout my lips and curl my hair Make you wish you'd never My mama said that I should knock you out I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that.
Great job, kids.
I so appreciate your spunk.
You lost the battle, but you will win the war.
We did you.
Now let's do me.
Indirect lighting in the girls' bathroom, handicapped parking passes, chair of the prom committee? Small price to pay for doing your dirty work.
And I sold my soul.
Today was a good day.
Can we have a piece of pizza now? I can feel my body digesting itself.
That means it's working.
Slippery Yet I've got a good grip So suddenly Can't believe you made it out.
Yeah, you know me.
So, do you want to I can't.
Mm.
Make the girl dance Make the girl dance make the girl dance Make the girl dance Dance like no one's watching Get in.
Live like no one's out there Dance like no one's watchin' Okay, there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just gonna rip the band-aid right off.
There's something going on between Karma and Liam.
What? No.
Karma and Liam, she would never Yeah, you're right.
Wait, wait, so you knew she's also into guys? I had a clue.
Ah The elusive bisexual.
They are a tricky beast.
Here, bring it in.
Come on.
I've been down this yellow brick road before.
Dating someone bi is a lesson in insecurity.
Yeah.
I wish she was bi.
Trust me, I saw the way she and Liam were eye humping.
Felt like I should break into the chemistry lab and use the eye wash.
If I tell you something super secret, you promise you won't tell anyone? Gay scout's honor.
Um Karma and I are are faking it.
What, like orgasms? Because my mom sells adult toys from the trunk of her car.
Long story, but I can get you a discount.
- No.
- Not a problem.
No.
We're faking being lesbians.
Karma is.
I'm not so sure.
You have my attention.
I can't abide Next on Faking It I was just having fun hanging out with you two.
I don't know what you're up to, but cut it out.
- What is your deal? - You know what you did.
You were right about Liam.
We're done.
Please call me back.
I need you to help me find a girlfriend.
Whoa.
If I'm having all these feelings for Karma then I must be a lesbian.
That's not how online dating works.
If you get a hit off this, it'll be a miracle.
Here it goes.
I am dying to see how this plays out.